Someone Asked Men To Share What They Learned From Living With Women That They Didn’t Know Before, And These Are 30 Of The Most Surprising Answers
Going from living all on your own, with your family, or with a few roommates to moving in together with your partner is a huge step. For one, the romantic dynamic can become very different. You’re spending far more time together and you start dealing with mundane household issues like dividing up chores, syncing up your showering schedules, and claiming your side of the bed.
You start seeing your partner in a different light: you notice more of their quirks and how they behave when they fully let their guard down. It can be fun, endearing, and incredibly surprising.
The men of Reddit revealed all of the surprising things that they learned only after they moved in with a woman. We’ve collected the most fun and interesting responses from these two r/AskReddit threads to entertain and illuminate you, Pandas. Odds are, you might relate to a lot of these tales.
How was life changed for you after you moved in with your partner? How do you decide who does what chores? Do you have any advice for all the Pandas who haven’t yet lived with someone they love? Share your wisdom and experience in the comments. And if you'd like to read some more similar stories, check out Bored Panda's previous article right here.
This post may include affiliate links.
Seducing a woman you live with starts with doing the dishes...
How totally feral and uncivilized I used to be. It turns out that sunscreen is a thing! Decorating your home can make it look really nice! Doctor's checkups are important!
There's a *reason* that men who are in relationships live longer.
When it comes to getting along with anyone—whether it’s your partner, family member, friend, or coworker—what really helps is setting expectations, communicating openly, and clarifying boundaries if needed.
Nobody’s a mind-reader (as far as we can tell, at least), so if you’re upset about something or you’d like your partner to give you more of a hand with the cooking, cleaning, etc., it’s best to have an honest but friendly chat about it. Passive aggression won’t lead to anything good.
The hair. I just don’t understand how she can shed that much hair and not be bald. It’s literally everywhere.
The toilet seat AND lid belong in the down position when it's not in use.
It looks better and the dog doesn't drink out of it.
Nothing puts the fear of God into a woman like the threat of someone showing up unexpectedly & seeing how she really lives. Multiply that by a factor of 4 if it's her mother in law.
Women are rarely allowed to just be people. There is some magical made up idea of what we are and how we live (and the life we are expected to create and provide for others--particularly for men) that society seems to hold, and when that fantasy is ripped away by someone actually seeing our home life, ppl don't let go of the fantasy, but rather see that individual woman to be sub par (and will treat her as such) hence why we stress over how our homes are perceived. An example of this fantasy mystique attached to women is a quote from Dr. Ira Graves in Star Trek: the next generation, "Women aren't people; they're women." Many women are also guilty of lateral misogyny by expecting their son's girlfriends/wives to parent them and clean up after them rather than teaching their sons basic life skills. So women deal with a lot of anxiety over people coming into a space that is supposed to be a safe, comfortable, and private but ends up being another thing we get judged for.
Don't know why you were downvoted but absolutely true. People still expect women to be the primary caregiver and look after the house
Load More Replies...
Society holds us to a different standard. We both live here, but it’s me that will be judged if the house is sloppy.
I was a teen and Mom was preparing for a house party. That meant total top-to-bottom deep cleaning of the house. The attic, garage, storage room... Frustrated and tired, I asked her, "When you go to other people's homes to you sneak around looking for messes and dirt?" She replied, "Of course not, but others do."
LOL. I love this one. My MIL would come over with white gloves and just slide her hands everywhere. Dust was deliberately left (sometimes not) and I didn't care about her attitude and neither did my husband (dusting was his job but she didn't know!). Now she wonders why we don't invite her anymore.
This makes me so sad because of how true it is. I remember the first year of marriage, when we had guests coming, I'd be running around tidying, and making things pretty. He'd make sure there was enough toilet paper in the loo. That was the only thing he considered important.
Seems like a generalization that a large percentage of married women do not get along with their mother in law. I know it’s fairly common but there’s probably a decent percent of women who have a wonderful relationship with their MIL. Seems like a cliché/trope.
I loved my mother in law. Wonderful woman. Very patient and welcoming of everyone. Never heard her say a harsh word unless she gave a wink to show she was joking. She died a few months ago. Miss her every day.
Load More Replies...
This is my mother. Literally everything has to be picked up or hidden somewhere, all the carpet has to be vacuumed... you just want to be like, "Mom, they know we live here. They're not going be offended if there's mail on the table."
My ex-MIL used to do that. I either didn't let her in or pretended I quickly had to go somewhere.
the horror of smalltalk in the hall turning to being asked to use the bathroom
Right? My SIL is coming over for the first time tomorrow (2+ hours away) and I made him put up the new blinds and valance rod. Like she cares?
My husband keeps asking me to invite our daughter's friends over. Sure, when I can keep the house relatively clean and organized for more than a day
If it's my mom it puts me in full anxiety mode because that's how my mom is. But for anyone else I don't care enough. The amount of times I've been to some pretty wildly messy, filthy homes gives me perspective that my place really isn't too bad at all.
Luckily my mom lives far away. Her mom doesn't come over because she is a massive C-U-Next-Tuesday, says really racist and f'ed up stuff about me and my family, so I don't want her near me.
However, living together with someone doesn’t mean that literally every single waking minute has to be spent together. That’s not too healthy. Both partners need to understand that having some privacy is completely fine.
People need some space and time to be alone with their thoughts and hobbies. You don’t have to sacrifice your entire life and personality just to keep your partner happy. On the flip side, you shouldn’t expect that your partner will overhaul everything about themselves just so you can keep living as you always did. Some compromises will have to be made, eventually. Figuring out what a shared life looks like is part of the fun.
If they come home at night and don't expect you to be home, make some kind of you-specific, but non-threatening noise somewhere on the other side of the house BEFORE you say hi to them. DO NOT just pop you head around the corner and say hi. Girls coming home at night to an "empty" house are in pins and needles, even if they don't know it.
That the difference of "I'm not hungry at all" and "I'm going to eat you alive because I'm desperately hungry" is about 5 seconds.
Women have objectively better sense of smell than us. What stinks to them is mild for us.
For a year, I lived with four girls when i was in college.
I don’t have a sister and at the time never had a serious girlfriend.
I learned a lot about cycles.
Theirs synced up. I didn’t know that was a thing. During that time, or dare I say, period.....it was so much fun dealing with the tearful emotional anguish of things like, “who ate my macaroni and cheese!?!!”
I was like, why have my roommates all gone psychotic at the same time?
They both, always have to pee yet don't feel like peeing. Basically a Schrödinger's bladder situation going on.
When I moved to my current city, I moved in with a guy that has obviously been living on his own for awhile. He only bought toilet paper one roll at a time, because he felt like extra toilet paper was unnecessary clutter. By month two, I couldn't stand it anymore, so I bought multipack and kept it in my room.
I'm making him sound like a weird tight ass, and he really wasn't. I just don't think he had any understanding of how much toilet paper women use.
I learned that their vaginal secretions bleach their underwear over time. Empirically I knew their bajingos have a basic pH, but I didn't expect them to bleach their underwear just by wearing it.
EDIT: Bajingos have an acidic pH. I was drinking last night and messed up my pH scale. Either way, acid washed jeans are essentially bleached too, so the fact that their bajingos bleach their underoos still applies.
The act of showering is a detailed and complex process.
As a woman I agree with this. I have a process and separate body towels for washing. I wash and condition my hair first. While my hair is conditioning, I use my private parts towel for cleaning my private parts, then I use my body towel for my face and body, last, I finish by washing the conditioner out of my hair, and done.
That they expect a spotless house but often drive cars that could make a Petri dish tap out.
Must show wife to prove it's not just me who thinks this. And she likes to drive my car.
Scented Candles are the f*****g bomb
They actually DO fart.
When they pee, it's really loud. Not the urine hitting the water, but when it comes out of them. I never knew.
Puff out your chest, clench you butt and stomach to secure p.s.i. dominance!
Paper towels are expensive... the way my wife talks about them, they are woven from angel hairs and can’t be used without express written consent.
Same for Clorox wipes, but worse.
Clothing. So much clothing! When I got married my wife moved in and brought 24 pairs of jeans! I counted them! A week after our honeymoon she told me "I have no clothes, saw some cool jeans at the mall"... mindblown! Here I just make do with 3 pairs!
This is definitely me and my husband! But listen two secrets to a happy marriage here: 1. We value and spend our money on different things and that's ok! I like clothes. He likes fancy computer parts and gadgets. And 2. His and her closets! He doesn't complain about my 100 pairs of shoes if he's not looking at them regularly. Out of sight, out of mind ;)
Now I understand why so much floor space in the grocery store is devoted to creams, lotions, soaps, shampoos, remedies, band aids, hair management and makeup. Also why there's a whole industry devoted to products to hold and organize that stuff.
Also, evidently sheets need to be changed on a regular weekly schedule. Who knew?
I change sheets once a week. As for the lotions and stuff? I still don't understand. But listen to me Fashion Industry: women need proper pockets!
They rearrange a lot.
Better to be happy than right.
Greatest
Lesson
Ever
What a sad state to end up in, having to agree with someone you feel is wrong in order that they stop gaslighting you.
Taking a shower is a huge process for my wife and daughters. There are 7 different soaps that each do different things. 21 different shampoo and conditioner bottles that I knock over every time stepping in and out of the shower. There are razors all over. Oh, and I use the same towel for like 3 weeks. They need fresh, clean towels every shower. And, I never knew that people actually used those little square towels. There’s also some poofy, thing that hangs from the shower head. No idea what that’s for. I’ve had to buy 2 extra suction cup shower tray thingys to house all their showering needs. I’ve also learned that when I go to the store to buy something, I will always get the wrong thing. There is often several different types and brands of the products that I need to purchase and i will always pick the wrong one. Women’s brains are amazing at remembering that s**t.
The bathtub drain gets clogged by long hair very, very easily. Which is why it gets pasted on the walls of the shower. Any attempts to prevent one will result in the other.
No. Just no. I have hair that goes down to my knees and I never do this. It is horrifically gross. That goes in a trash can and drains get bi-weekly maintenance to prevent clogs.
You can never know what's safe to put in the dryer.
Jeans never go in the dryer because they'll shrink and I just broke them in to a comfy fit.. except when they are now too loose and need to shrink a little so they show off my form and don't make me look fat.
Ditto for shirts, pjs, workout clothes... basically any peice of clothing needs to be precleared for the dryer every wash
That there is apparently a wrong way to put the milk in the fridge.
Also, if she can't sleep, I'm not allowed to either.
A little late, and this could be more due to me having a busy bee of a girlfriend, but, there is never a ‘Do Nothing’ day. It’s always gotta be groceries or shopping or something of the sort.
That no matter what time you leave the house they will always remember that ONE thing they have to go back in for after you locked the door.
Women seem to have triple the minor health issues that I do. She goes through headaches, feels fat, knee hurts, hand hurts, this hurts, that hurts, tired, bleeding, ovaries attempting to eat it's self, boobs sore, on and on. As a guy, When I work 12 hour shifts my back hurts, and my feet hurts. Das it.
Yeah but when men get a cold they suddenly turn into needy little babies.
that the best time to clean the house is right before we have to leave to go somewhere.
Sounds like she doesn't want to go or wants to come home to no chores
the toilet seat thing isn't just some kind of tv trope/ cliché. they really do fall in the toilet and it really does piss them off.... you'd think they'd learn to fucking look before they sat down...
They aren't always right, but they are never wrong. :)
Some of these make me sad. What type of person can’t admit to being wrong and apologize?
If they see an empty chair, that’s where the purse, the coat, and the scarf go. Nevermind that the coat rack is 5 feet from said chair. So many chairs in our place rendered unusable by all the stuff she lays on them.
Mornings are a sort of tribal ritual. There are better days for which we are blessed with astral forgiveness and kindness directly from f*****g Jupiter or something because she'll shower and put on make up and know what to wear in half an hour.
Then there are the other days.
The borderline nervous breakdown because she doesn't have clothes or that hue of blue doesn't match her sweater. Any feeble attempt to help will be met with contempt, any attempt to mind your own business will get you in trouble for not caring. And the make up trap, oh God the make up trap. Listen, you never want to say that the make up doesn't match or look good. Just don't even try.
I feel like most of the guys making these complaints may just have shacked up with the wrong women?
Thank you! My girlfriend schedules our DVR to record at least 6 variations of shows which might as well be called Rich Women Screaming At Each Other While Eating $30 Salads
They say they want to be at home with you, but they want you to take them out. Where? Anywhere. Give your first 23 suggestions and they are shot down.
Nah. When I say I want to be home with my hubby, I mean sweatpants and baggy t-shirt day with food and Netflix binge or video game.
The amount of time it takes for them to decide where to go to dinner to them eventually being ready to go is very frustrating.
they drink a lot of wine when they are sad
or when they are stressed
or when they feel like drinking a lot of wine aka most evenings
That's called alcoholism. Our society predisposes a lot of people to it, but it isn't healthy and shouldn't be viewed as normal, despite the prolific nature of this behavior. If she is drinking that much, she is VERY stressed and needs some big changes in her life. You have the opportunity to be a positive one.
"Do you have anything for the washing machine?" actually means:
* get off your a*s and go through the whole house to collect all of the clothes, dishes, and garbage bins
* give me the clothes that you are currently *wearing*, even though you just put them on 30 minutes ago
* wash, dry and put away the dishes
* empty all of the bins, take the trash out, put new liners into the bins
* wipe down all the benches
* clean the toilets
* vacuum and mop the floors; and
* be ready to be abused and called a lazy bastard because, even though it was never mentioned at any point, today was the day she decided that you should have worked out for yourself that the shower screen needed re-caulking. *In the bathroom that you are not allowed to use.*
They have some kind of spell that makes any coffee table I've had become magic. Leave pizza and beer on the table. Boom! Gone the next day. Don't feel like cleaning your dishes. Boom! Clean the next day. It's f*****g amazing!
Yeah, happily married 8 years and much of this is the opposite for us. I'm 100% the nesting, tidy, cooking one.
Load More Replies...
As reading this I'm probably not a woman? So much stereo typing in one post... We are not al cleaning obsessed controlling anxious people with a bazillion beauty routines, please.... Thank you.
It's ok. After reading these it seems I married a man and became a woman myself lol
Load More Replies...
All this does is prove that a lot of men have a lot of weird ideas about what women "should be like". Guess what? We're human. If you're male, reading this comment, and hate being stereotyped... right back at ya, I hate it too! (Female, so over this c**p about men being surprised women have body functions or whatever it is...)
Holy f*ck, the vast majority of these are either flat out wrong (syncing menstrual cycles has been proven time and again to be a myth), or they are clearly based on a man's extremely limited experience living with a women and deciding all the things she does differently to him must be representative of the entire gender. This thread is just an excuse to showcase misogyny and male egos. Ew.
This list is so dumb, why make it sound that by living with 1 woman you learned something about ALL women? Women are not all alike and neither are men. Sure you can always calculate a gender average, but the standard deviation within a gender is usually huge, so the average is not meaningful (or robust) at all.
Wow, BoredPanda. I’m kind of disappointed this was posted. Do you edit or read over people’s comments before you post listicles like this. The amount of stereotypes in this thread was mind boggling.
They do it every week with the US. Meh, I'm starting to get used to it...like chronic pain you just don't notice after a while.
Load More Replies...
With the exception of menstruation, these have nothing to do with gender. More personality types. Though I will say, the self-care stuff is, somewhat, legit, but only because gender stereotypes shame some men into thinking it's 'girly' to pamper yourself.
I guess I thought this was going to be something nice, like a general understanding, based on the first couple on the list. I don't know what I expected. What a load of sexist bs.
We need to have a list of thing that women didn't know about men. Sure to be enlightening for both sexes (or all sexes).
Yea, like men having quite a lot of emotions and vices that have been deemed as only "women problematics" such as.. they actually don't communicate what exactly they'd prefer and primarily use passive aggressiveness as a communication tool.
Load More Replies...
How about we do it the other way around and instead of just 45 wel have 145
In reading this list, I wonder if I really am a woman. I do not recognize myself in any of these. Perhaps changing sheets weekly, but my husband was already on weekly schedule before we met.
Load More Replies...
This whole list is just a list of men whining about their partners and probably in unhappy relationships. What a few women do, does not define the sex.
If I can't see myself in these, I sure as heck know other women I see in them lol
What a load of sexist garbage!! Please just take this whole list down
Really not anything good here just dated stereotypes that are stale. This could have been way better.
So much of this sounds like "I married a woman who was always made up and dressed to the nines and then I realized that that takes time, work, and a lot of products and clothing." Um duh?
Back in the '90s, there was an entire profession of people who used to stand in front of brick walls and explain these things to people.
This just shows that men dont know how to live in a clean house without being micomanaged. You mean someone actually has to wash dishes and do laundry? nooo wayyy *epic eye roll* grow up
I learned is not ok to use the same kitchen cloth for months without washing it. And to have an actual first aid box, not just aspirine.
Also, no matrer what we were arguing about, we still love each other and both deserve respect.
Load More Replies...
Yeah, happily married 8 years and much of this is the opposite for us. I'm 100% the nesting, tidy, cooking one.
Load More Replies... As reading this I'm probably not a woman? So much stereo typing in one post... We are not al cleaning obsessed controlling anxious people with a bazillion beauty routines, please.... Thank you.
It's ok. After reading these it seems I married a man and became a woman myself lol
Load More Replies... All this does is prove that a lot of men have a lot of weird ideas about what women "should be like". Guess what? We're human. If you're male, reading this comment, and hate being stereotyped... right back at ya, I hate it too! (Female, so over this c**p about men being surprised women have body functions or whatever it is...)
Holy f*ck, the vast majority of these are either flat out wrong (syncing menstrual cycles has been proven time and again to be a myth), or they are clearly based on a man's extremely limited experience living with a women and deciding all the things she does differently to him must be representative of the entire gender. This thread is just an excuse to showcase misogyny and male egos. Ew.
This list is so dumb, why make it sound that by living with 1 woman you learned something about ALL women? Women are not all alike and neither are men. Sure you can always calculate a gender average, but the standard deviation within a gender is usually huge, so the average is not meaningful (or robust) at all.
Wow, BoredPanda. I’m kind of disappointed this was posted. Do you edit or read over people’s comments before you post listicles like this. The amount of stereotypes in this thread was mind boggling.
They do it every week with the US. Meh, I'm starting to get used to it...like chronic pain you just don't notice after a while.
Load More Replies... With the exception of menstruation, these have nothing to do with gender. More personality types. Though I will say, the self-care stuff is, somewhat, legit, but only because gender stereotypes shame some men into thinking it's 'girly' to pamper yourself.
I guess I thought this was going to be something nice, like a general understanding, based on the first couple on the list. I don't know what I expected. What a load of sexist bs.
We need to have a list of thing that women didn't know about men. Sure to be enlightening for both sexes (or all sexes).
Yea, like men having quite a lot of emotions and vices that have been deemed as only "women problematics" such as.. they actually don't communicate what exactly they'd prefer and primarily use passive aggressiveness as a communication tool.
Load More Replies... How about we do it the other way around and instead of just 45 wel have 145
In reading this list, I wonder if I really am a woman. I do not recognize myself in any of these. Perhaps changing sheets weekly, but my husband was already on weekly schedule before we met.
Load More Replies... This whole list is just a list of men whining about their partners and probably in unhappy relationships. What a few women do, does not define the sex.
If I can't see myself in these, I sure as heck know other women I see in them lol
What a load of sexist garbage!! Please just take this whole list down
Really not anything good here just dated stereotypes that are stale. This could have been way better.
So much of this sounds like "I married a woman who was always made up and dressed to the nines and then I realized that that takes time, work, and a lot of products and clothing." Um duh?
Back in the '90s, there was an entire profession of people who used to stand in front of brick walls and explain these things to people.
This just shows that men dont know how to live in a clean house without being micomanaged. You mean someone actually has to wash dishes and do laundry? nooo wayyy *epic eye roll* grow up
I learned is not ok to use the same kitchen cloth for months without washing it. And to have an actual first aid box, not just aspirine.
Also, no matrer what we were arguing about, we still love each other and both deserve respect.
Load More Replies... 
