50 Hilariously Unfortunate Names
Every parent wants what’s best for their child. Name included. But what makes a good name that will follow the baby through life is debatable. Some say it has to stand out from the crowd, others think it should still be a human name and not the name of a fruit (like Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Apple), and here you have different parenting styles and approaches clashing again and again.
But let’s take a look at what random people, passersby on the streets and fellow members of society have to say about the baby names they cannot stand. At least they’re a little less biased and may as well give us some fresh perspective.
Below we looked at a couple of Reddit threads where people weigh in on the weirdest and plain worst names to give to your kids, and here’s what we wrapped up. After you’re done, be sure to check out Bored Panda's previous feature with baby names that people say are better skipped for good.
My coworker named her baby "Strawberry Rain", which would be a great name, if she gave birth to a bottle of shampoo.
Bored Panda reached out to Pamela Redmond, the baby name expert and creator of Nameberry who’s known as the world’s leading expert on baby names. When asked about new trends for children’s names, Redmond said that they are seeing a strong trend toward gender-neutral names for boys.
“For decades girls were getting unisex names but parents shied away from them for boys, but now we're seeing that heading in the other direction. Some gender-neutral names rising in popularity for boys: Cameron, River, Angel, Rowan, Sawyer, and Amari.”
Pennis. Pronounced like Dennis but with a P. Why would anyone do this to their child?
Jathan. This child has been damned to constantly sound like he has a lisp.
"Hi, I am Jathan" "ohh nice to meet you Jason" "...no, its actually Jathan, my parents hated me"
Not a teacher, but I work at my county's welfare office. There's a family and these are all the kids' first names from oldest to youngest:
* Crowned Prince
* Prince Mowgli
* Princess Modica-Nordica
I wish I was kidding.
Moreover, nature names just keep getting stronger, Redmond said. “There are flower names like Flora and Azalea but also tree names such as Oakley and Maple, water names like Ocean and Wave (Cardi B and Offset's baby boy), sky names such as Luna and Jupiter, animal names like Birdie and Wolf,” she explained.
Interestingly, mythological names are also huge. “Mythological names popular on Nameberry are Aurora, Freya, Penelope, Daphne, and Maeve for girls; Atlas, Finn, Magnus, Aurelius, and Orion for boys,” Redmond told Bored Panda.
There is a woman named Lasagna that comes into the store I used to work in. She was born and her mother saw her and thought. LASAGNA.
I know this girl named Feline, most people just call her Kat.
Her parent is apparently a fan of Beyonce & the Kardashians. I feel so sorry for that kid.
According to the world’s leading expert on baby names, there are literally thousands of names given to fewer than five babies a year that doesn't even appear on the Social Security's extended list. “Some of these are names most people are familiar with. You could call these undiscovered names instead of unpopular names. For boys, these include Oberon, Gulliver, Bard, Florent, and Drummer. For girls, Delphi, Ianthe, Bluebell, Desdemona, and Zephyrine.”
Sh*thead (pronounced shi-theed), Da Boss, and Sexy Beth. Sexy Beth was just referred to as Beth, because who wants to call a 12 year old sexy, and her mom was not happy about it. She came into the school numerous times ranting about how her daughter's name is Sexy Beth, not Beth, and we better get it right
My nephew is named Fox. At first I was kinda horrified but now I see how the name fits him perfectly. Whenever he sees pictures of foxes he says "There I am." He is 4 and it is freaking adorable.
Redmond believes that the “name for a child is hugely important not because it determines your child's entire future, but it contains the code for your family identity, your values, and priorities, whether you're conscious of it or not.”
Moreover, “your child's name says a lot about how close you are or want to be to your family, how much your religion or cultural origin means to you, how you view gender identity, whether you'd rather fit in or stand out, how you feel about your own name.”
Had a girl in class whose name was "Peonme."
The boys had many variations of her name.
(Staff members thought her parents meant to name her "Peony," after the flower, but got it wrong.)
I've always hated the Hayden/Haiden/Jayden/Jaiden/Jaylin/Jaelin/Braeden/Brayden names, but I lost my mind at Drayden.
When asked to share advice for parents who can’t decide on the name for their baby, Redmond said it’s a good idea to hire their name consultants. “If you've already devoted hours to finding a name and can't come up with a choice you love, you can consult with an expert for a few hundred dollars and get choices that fit your style that you may not have thought of.”
There is also the free name generator called Baby Name DNA which is also pretty magic at analyzing your individual name style and matching you with names that fit. So check it out!
Not a teacher, but theres a girl at my school named Lollipop...
Worked at a Juvenile Treatment facility, had a kid sent to us middle name was "Ice Cold". Turned out to be a really good kid just terrible drug/gang infested f**k heads for parents.
I was subbing in a class once and had a kid named Insurance.
Part of my job is auditing attendance and child rosters for daycares. Came across a "Moonlight Slaughter". Metal AF
My wife is a teacher and had to stop Neo from peeling glue off his hand. He aint the one.
When I taught in South Korea we had to give our students English names. A couple of the names I gave my kids were Tupac, and Rambo. It was all fun and games on my behalf until I met a student named squirrel. (She named herself)
I used to work with refugees who had recently moved to the US. There was one family with a baby named "Ice Cream".
In high school we had an Asian kid whose last name is Shen. His first name was Eric. The lolz didn't occur to me until I actually had a class with him and the teacher was doing roll call, and I thought she loudly said erection in class.
Craigs aren't born, they pop into existence at 40 years old in dad jeans.
Interning in the counseling department at a high school. It's early Monday morning and I'm chugging coffee to perk up. They finish up mornings announcements and read off a list of students needing to go to the office for various reasons. The last name read was "Indiana Jones".
I immediately check the school student roster and there he is, Jones, Indiana. The kid was actually fairly well adjusted and well liked.
Nasteo...pronounced Nasty Ho. 😟
Met a guy whose 100% legal, unchanged name was "Lord Stormwalker".
Had a kid named Penelope, pronounced by her mother as Peen-a-loap.
I was at the grocery store not too long ago, one older lady asked me what was my baby's name, then said her grandson was the same age. I asked her what was his name, she reluctantly said Dolphin but we call him Finn. Poor woman...
My grandmother was a teacher in the "deep countryside" in Argentina back in the 50s. There is a hmm... tradition inherited from Spain I think, where you name your child with the name of the saint of the day he was born. Each day is the day of a saint, and they would sell these calendars with the name of a saint each day. So if your baby was born on the day of St. Rodrigo, you call him Rodrigo, for example.
The problem was that some of these calendars also had the national argentinian holydays marked. So July 9, May 25, etc, were marked as "Fiesta Cívica" (something like "Civic Celebration") instead of with the name of the saints. Basically she told me that she had children who were born one of these days, called literally "Civic Celebration".
I knew some people in school named TrustInTheLord (she went by Trust) and her brother JesusIsMySaviour (he went by Saviour). The names they went by are honestly great, but those full names just made EVERYTHING inconvenient.
Kind of cheating because I taught in China for a while, but I had one student that had picked Goblin as her English name.
Had a kid named Griffin, spelled Gyrophone.... also had a Mister, a Chi'Arion, and a Eusavio. Then there was my year in the inner city where there was one white girl in the entire school and she was in my class. Her name was Ivory...
Andromeda Aurora. The dad was wearing a Star Trek tshirt and mom was wearing Dr Who.
I work at a call center, here are some winners of children I have seen (all teenagers or younger):
- Maxx Gay
- Wanna (middle name Smoke, dead serious)
I do teaching for undergraduate physics. I've already seen the class list for next year and, starting in September there will be a girl called Framboise in the first year class. Framboise means *raspberry* in French and, by the way, this is a French speaking city so it's not like her name is going to go unnoticed. Can't wait to meet her.
Obligatory not a teacher, but....a friend of mine from high school is naming her new daughter Espn. We were told it's because she likes sports. Well, so do I, but you don't see me naming my kid Fox Sports Midwest, do ya?
Sexy... I kid you not. Someone thought it a good idea to name their baby girl "Sexy".
Can you imagine trying to call out her name at Kindergarden...
I'm a TEFL teacher in China. The kids here have some fascinating names. Some are obviously just mistakes (Like Biran or Windy). Some are quite clever.
One girl about 15 said she wanted to be called KFC. When I asked her why she smiled and said "Because everybody likes KFC!"
Another very shy girl about 19 called herself shadow...which I thought was a lovely name.
Then there were the parents who had an extra child by accident and called her...extra. Seriously. There are also parents who name their child after an inanimate object like "telephone" or "train". "Tiger" is a popular name for boys too.
There's also a boy named monkey; "apple" is quite common, and many others like this. For some reason there's a fair few older girls 20+ named Queenie; these days the name seems to have fallen out of fashion. These are the names the parents or kids themselves have chosen, we teachers aren't trying to make fun of them.
Edit: Forgot to mention I work with a Chinese girl whose name is Tim.
Not a teacher but during med school, rotated with a pediatrician in Berkeley, Ca and came across a kid named Starshyt. When asked why that name parents said "you ever see a shooting star and behind it kinda looks like s**t...?"
My neighbors name is Tiger.
A girl at the preschool I work at is named Legend Derry.
A girl I worked with named her child Lexi Jewel. Not weird but sounds like a premade p*rn star name.
I'm sure there are others but I can't think of any right now.
Not a teacher, but in hs my son had a friend named Chris Growcock. He wears it proudly. As a bonus, his parents sent him to an all-boy high school and all day everyone asked him if he was "living up to his name.
I knew a 10 year old girl named Felanie. I don't think the mom thought that one through.
There is 1 person in the US named Gay Bowser.
1st kid - January 2nd kid- February 3rd kid- March Etc. This list goes all the way to August
Pitts. I assumed it was a nickname but no! Apparently his Dad was a huge fan of the Pittsburgh Penguins he named his son Pittsburgh but Pitts for short.
Note: this post originally had 99 images. It’s been shortened to the top 49 images based on user votes.