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30 Wedding Traditions People In This Online Group Chose Or Would Choose To Ditch
From wearing a white dress to promising to obey the husband 'till death us do part'—weddings are known to come with a lot of rituals. However, with many of these traditions being age-old, more and more lovebirds choose to skip a few of them when planning their wedding or sometimes even ditch the majority of it altogether.
Some time ago, a Quora user asked people on the platform to open up about the wedding traditions they'd choose to skip when planning their own wedding. "What is one wedding tradition you absolutely wouldn't partake in? Why?" their question reads. With that being said, Bored Panda invites you to read through some of the most interesting answers we managed to find in this viral thread. As always, don't forget to vote for your favorite ones and feel free to share the traditions you'd ditch down in the comment section.
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The week I got engaged, I went out and bought a bridal magazine. Read through it. Then wanted to jump out of a window.
The main thrust of the magazine was ‘the perfect wedding.’ And for me to have the perfect wedding, at least according to the magazine, I’d have to buy a load of crap, like unity candles and something having to do with sand, plus I’d have go out and research wedding photographers, hair and make-up people, florists, videographers, bands/DJs, and on and on it went. Or plunk down a bunch of scratch to pay a wedding planner to do it for me.
And then the gown. Ay carumba. I’ve owned cars that cost less than some of the gowns they were touting.
So, after the guy I grew up with, who has a very successful DJ/photography/whatever company, told me he could get a DJ for my wedding ‘starting around $2,500’ I finally said, “Screw that, I am NOT hemorrhaging money for this.” Got a nice gown for $700. Got our rings from Etsy. They’re sterling silver with a 14k yellow gold lining. (Didn’t see the point of the lining, but that’s how they came. ) $400 for the pair. Did the flowers myself, from flowers I bought at Produce Junction and Acme. Total about $50. Did my own hair and makeup.
My sister-in-law offered to do the videography. Another friend offered to snap photos of everything. For the reception, I hired a harpist for about $200. Nobody got to dance, but at least they could hold conversations without screaming to be heard. The reception cost about $1,500. Beautiful wedding cake -about $100. No bouquet toss, no garter.
Over and over through out the years, I’ve been told by the people who attended (we had between 40 and 50 people) that ours was the best wedding they’d ever been to.
Pigeons are pets. They are not made to live on their own in the world. White pigeons are specially breeded for weddings and released into the wild, where they die. This tradition is animal cruelty.
No, I understand that they are usually homing pigeons, and they return to their coop after the release. It would be ridiculously expensive otherwise to breed and raise "disposable" pigeons for ceremonies.
Apparently this is sadly not the case. Also, a lot of animals will be "disposed of" for any single ceremony if there is meat being served. Here's a good article on this dove-releasing-practice https://www.pigeonrescue.org/2019/09/16/releasing-doves-at-ceremonies-why-you-shouldnt-do-it/
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I never understood this one. Release a bunch of nervous birds into the air over your wedding party and guests? What, then wear bird poop for the rest of the day?
Yes, that would be karma for treating birds like decor.
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I agree that pigeons used for this purpose is animal cruelty - but no need to make stuff up. Ask any New Yorker if pigeons are pets that can't survive without a human putting them in a cage. LOL
RIGHT?! Yeah, what about all the pigeons already WILD??? Geez-lmao! We all know there are way more than those made into pets! They were originally bred in a lab or ancestors domesticated them so none could ever live free again???
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Carrier pigeon (or rock dove, same thing) are bred and domesticated as homing pigeons. Once they are released, they fly home, not released into the "wild". They go back to their roost, and they are free to be inside the roost, or outside because they know where "home" is. They don't fly away, and if they do, they come back. It is not cruel, and are in fact protected rather than left to the elements like predators. I agee that the whole wedding tradition is ridiculous, but the pigeons are WELL cared for
Releasing butterflies in an area that can"'t sustain them is cruel also !!☹
Wedding planner here, these birds are trained to fly right home after the ceremonies!
Pigeons are pets???? Clearly you've never lived in a city! But I agree that homing pigeons, which these are, shouldn't be abandoned. But, for the most part, they aren't. They fly home. That's what they do. The dove thing is just dumb.
We don't have this tradition in my country. Why they do it? Genuinely asking, really don't know.
Doves are very expensive, so it's usually white pigeons. Most people can't tell the difference. Relax, they just return home to their coop as long as it's not further away than 50 miles.
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I don't get why you need pigeons at a wedding. It seems a bit excessive to me
But still if they don't know anything about the wild its basically like killing them just for an event.
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I think it's a stupid show but I would think that the pigeon person would train them to go home. I know a farm where the white pigeons he has fly free most of the day, returning to the safety of their barn and perches later. I had no idea the birds were lost.
Release white balloons, if this is really the way you want to go!!!
Balloons are dangerous to the environment and a threat to aircraft. The birds are just doing what is natural for them to do.
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Maybe this is different in different countries, but for my wedding, we were gifted with a "dove ceremony". This guy came along with about 10 pigeons and those were definitely returning home. I know that for sure, because he was 2 hours late and his apology was that he had been to another wedding in the morning and his pigeons had taken longer than expected to return. The idea to breed birds to release in the wild is totally absurd to me and I was shocked to learn that this practice exists.
They are not released in the wild. They are let go to take a fly and then go home.
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They do not. They're trained and I think by instinct also, to go back to their home to be rereleased again next weekend!!
I never even understood releasing birds as symbolism! Most of the time the bugger off in different directions or land on the roof of the nearest building. 'Yes, our love is free, but it's not going to go far and we'll probably end up going in different directions in life, but....'
I guess they mean doves, not pigeons. I don't quite get the difference, either. Colour? Breeding them is (or used to be) a minor sport in rural areas, especially in Europe, same as with chickens or rabbits. They fly races, too, since the birds can find their way home from anywhere within hundreds of kilometers, so I don't get, why the article says they usually die in the wild. Mostly a US problem?
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In the USA pigeons are flying rats and make a terrible mess, and are NOT pets.
Carrier pigeon (or rock dove, same thing) are bred and domesticated as homing pigeons. Once they are released, they fly home, not released into the "wild". They go back to their roost, and they are free to be inside the roost, or outside because they know where "home" is. They don't fly away, and if they do, they come back. It is not cruel, and are in fact protected rather than left to the elements like predators. I agee that the whole wedding tradition is ridiculous, but the pigeons are WELL cared for
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Tame pigeons die in the wild. Wild pigeons, regardless of color live in the wild because they are wild.
You don;t seem to know much about pigeons.
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I find this appalling & disrespectful along with it being more fitting at a child's birthday party than a wedding reception. If after spending thousands of dollars on wedding attire, the wedding itself, and spending hours dressing with care only to have my mate abuse & humiliate me in front of our guests, I wouldn't have married him to begin with. It's more than just cake smeared faces, it's the total disregard of feelings & lack of respect that puts this in the top spot of something I'd never take part in. Ever.
That's actually not traditional. The tradition is for the bride and groom to feed one another a bit of cake, not to smash it in one another's faces.
Father Escort. I hate this tradition so much because of its original meaning. It stems from a time when a woman was practically “property” for all her life. The tradition basically means the father gives away his daughter (his “property”) to her husband. It’s just awful, no thanks.
One of the best moments of my life was when my father walked me down the aisle... So to each their own, I suppose ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I hate white for two main reasons: First, it looks boring, second, it looks awful on me. Doesn’t suit me at all. Also, most wedding dresses look just like that: a wedding dress. You spend a ridiculously high amount of money for a dress you’re probably only gonna wear once in your life. I’d rather wear something in navy blue or a really dark purple. Looks much more interesting in my opinion, and you can also wear it in the future.
I basically planned my own bridal shower. That’s probably weird to some people, but it just seemed like the easiest thing to do. I just wanted something simple where I could spend the afternoon with some of my closest friends. We went bowling, drove go-karts, went through a laser maze, and checked out the arcade games and virtual reality set-up that the venue had. A few girls came over to hang out afterwards. Affordable and fun for everyone involved.
Diamond engagement ring… nope. I had a garnet in my first engagement ring and my second one was zirconia that I eventually replaced with a garnet. Diamonds (and tradition) are not my thing.
Nah, I won't invite people whom I haven't talked to for months to my wedding. I won't invite all my relatives that I don't really know. I won't invite old friends from school, neighbours, colleagues and so on. A wedding is a very private thing for me. Actually I'd like to invite no one so my husband and I can share this special moment alone.
Can't do that in most places. You need witnesses. It's a legal requirement just about everywhere. I believe (happy to be corrected) even drive-thru Vegas weddings provide a witness as part of the package. There will ALWAYS be at least two other people besides the bride and groom involved. There is no special moment alone.
I will not be given away by my father. I don’t want the officiant asking him who gives me to be married to my hypothetical spouse. This isn’t because I have anything against my father or my relationship with him. I just don’t like the idea that I’m his to give away as he sees fit. I want both of my parents to escort me in as a sign that they, as people who love me and raised me, support me and my marriage. I want my spouse’s parents to do the same.
The garter. I think its tasteless and I wouldn't have been able to have had a toss either with less than 20 people in attendance.
Well you could make the garter more interesting by using it to hold a gun or a knife, like in movies. Just need to change the theme of the wedding a bit...
My answer will be short because the one prohibition for my wedding was in the vows. I ensured that the phrase “to love, honor and OBEY” were not uttered. I know me - somewhat of a traditionalist - but only when a role is CHOSEN, not assigned because of gender. I didn’t feel it necessary to promise to do something that I would never do - on principle alone!
Approaching 20 years, my husband sometimes still teases me if we have a disagreement and I’ve dug my feet in on the issue. He’ll say “hey, weren’t you supposed to love, honor and OBEY?! … oh yeah, you did say you wouldn’t “obey,” didn’t you!” (He thinks he’s being funny!)
Speaking for Turkish Wedding Traditions:
I actually have many, but I’ll go with the one that really annoys the hell out of me:
The Red Ribbon. Before the bride leaves the parents’ home for the wedding, her close relatives put a red ribbon around her waist in order to symbolise her chastity. Since the bridegroom is the only one who gets to untie that knot, it also shows her promise to him that he will be the first one to gain access to her body.
Thankfully, this is rarely performed by the modern couples today, but I guess it is still a very common practice in rural areas.
Needless to say, I won’t wear a “maidenhood belt” to make myself look like a gift wrapped up in a box ready for my husband to open.
If, by the time of our wedding, both of us are virgins, then WE may BOTH wear purity rings or something similar to show our commitment to each other, but even this completely egalitarian and not misogynistic substitute would make me uncomfortable. Why does a huge number of people involving many strangers need to know about the intimate details of our relationship? It’s NONE of their business.
Its cultural connotations aside, I think a red ribbon looks awful on a white dress. The right wedding dress is the most elegant and classy thing you can possibly wear, I believe. Something so tacky as a red ribbon instantly ruins the elegance of the special dress you’ll get to wear only once. (Generally speaking)
It is disgusting how many people are obsessed with the idea of virginity.
I despise the so-called “tradition” of the groom removing the bride’s garter and tossing it to the groomsmen, with the one who catches it expected to put it on the leg of the mortified woman who caught the bouquet.
Why?
A garter is underwear, and any removal of bridal underwear should definitely take place in private, after the wedding is over.
Given the competitive instincts of some young men, especially when free alcohol is involved, injuries are possible.
Any “tradition” that encourages a man to slide a piece of clothing up a woman’s leg in public — possibly a woman he doesn’t even know — while his friends yell “HIGHER!! HIGHER!!” should be discouraged.
It is not even a tradition, it is an unfortunate fad recently introduced in the mistaken idea that the bouquet-toss needed some masculine equivalent.
Even if it were a tradition, not all traditions are worth preserving. The closest tradition I can think of to this is the old one of displaying the bloody sheets the morning after the wedding night to prove the bride was a virgin — and for some reason that one has died out.
Flower Girls. Won’t be there either, again, because of the original meaning behind this tradition. From what I understand, this tradition stands for fertility for the couple, and since I never ever want children, I will definitely ditch this tradition…maybe I am gonna be doing a strict ban on flowers of any kind to reduce my fertility lol.
oh no! i was the flower girl for my aunt (who just happened to be pregnant)
This tradition actually involves family and friends showering the couple with disgusting things (usually wet things) and then tying bride to a tree. This is meant to show that the bride and groom are ready for anything.
I think I might stick to killing the ender dragon and the wither at the same time in Minecraft to show I’m up to anything.
I'd rather kill ten withers while fighting the ender dragon with mining fatigue than have that happen to me lol
I like hanging out with my buddies but I don’t drink, I don’t like strippers, and I certainly don’t think of marriage as a trap or an end to my freedom.
I get that bachelor parties aren’t specifically tied to all that stuff, I can just go out to dinner with like six of my really close friends but I wouldn’t do that because I’m getting married, I’d do that because they’re my friends. Also the best thing to do the night before a big event that starts at like noon is probably, I would imagine, not going out and staying up super late with guys who are talking like you’re marching towards death row.
Bridesmaids and Best Man. Not necessary either. Never understood this tradition to be honest.
As far as the wedding day, we didn’t participate in the dollar dance, although we considered it. I’m pretty introverted myself and can’t dance as is, so we elected not to. We also chose not to smash cake in each other’s faces…to each their own, but to us just seemed like more of a mess than it was worth.
It’s traditional for all of the guests to stand when the bride came out. I personally have never liked that. I decided to have my officiant tell everyone to remain seated when I came out before the processional began. Some of the people at the rehearsal the night before thought I was completely insane (some to the point of being combative). They were adamant that I couldn’t go against that tradition and people were going to get confused and stand anyway. I’m a pretty laid back person, so my response was, “Well, then they stand.” Whatever. It’s not going to ruin my day! In the end, no one stood. Everyone remained seated. And my photographer got a great picture of my dad and I coming down the aisle!
Especially when there are some elderly guests who can't stand, then they don't get to see anything either.
Cutting the cake. I would rather put multiple cakes on a huge buffet and people can just take some as they like.
I love to dance and I have always enjoyed weddings that have dancing, but I also have been to weddings where there was a small group of people dancing while the rest of the guests sit at their tables waiting for the appropriate amount of time to stay until they can go home. Those guests can’t talk to each other over the loud DJ, so if they’re not in the mood for dancing, then they just sit there [...] We had a lowcountry boil and the majority of tables were standing oyster tables (with a few tables for people that may have wanted to sit down). People were able to move around and talk and play lawn games instead of hitting the dance floor. It was so fun! We did have our guitarist sing and play in the background, though.
One pre-wedding tradition I selected not to take part in was having a bridal shower. Prior to my wedding, I had been invited to a couple of bridal showers. They were well-meaning, but they were also just downright awkward.
So many people didn’t know each other, and of course the ages ranged from young adults, to middle-aged women, and the elderly. It also felt weird playing some of the bridal shower games with such a…diverse group.
When two of my bridesmaids brought up the subject to me, they offered to host the bridal shower and even had a theme picked out. Don’t get me wrong— I appreciated the thought, but it just wasn’t for me, and I knew it would only be added stress and anxiety that I already felt just preparing for the wedding itself.
For some of the same reasons, mentioned above, I just felt like it would be more of an uncomfortable event versus the fun event it was supposed to be. Too many people not knowing each other, and a wide variety of ages, stacked upon the fact that I knew some people on my side were very introverted and probably wouldn’t enjoy it themselves.
I've been to one bridal shower, never going to another. It was awful. I was a friend of the bride's, but neither her sister nor mother (the ones who threw the party) knew who I was, and treated me like dirt. I got out of there as quickly as possible, and I'm pretty sure they sighed in relief when I was gone.
Some cultures kidnap the bride either just before the dancing or cutting the cake. This is an awful tradition because the people who do the kidnapping usually just go sit in a bar and drink with her. It’s very disrespectful to everyone. Plus, I once heard a story about a kidnapped bride and a tragic car accident. The bride was killed on her wedding day early in the reception. What selfish people. It isn’t even a clever prank. So if I ever saw someone trying to concoct this, I would blow the whistle and do everything I could to stop it.
I got kidnapped and we just sat in the limo and drank. It was fun. Didn't have to go anywhere.
Jeez…Who thought drunk men attaching money with sharp, pointed objects to a costly, delicate dress was a good idea? And that's the good part. I first heard of this & saw it in 1991. I couldn't even comprehend the explanation I was given, and then I saw it. Truly, it's one of the tackiest things I've ever seen. The bride covered in paper money while male relatives cajole & ridicule guests into pinning larger bills to the bride's dress. If guests want to give money as a wedding gift they will. They don't need to be coerced into buying time with the bride. Well, maybe some brides, but I mean really…what's next? $100 bills in the bride’s garter? I just…can't.
Neither my husband nor I are fans of the tradition of pounding on the tables or glassware for the bride and groom to kiss during dinner. We were both hungry, wanted to enjoy our dinner, were grossed out at the thought of kissing someone with a mouth full of food, and also are not big into public displays of affection. After the prayer and toasts at the reception before dinner, we announced that we would kiss once (and we did) and then asked our guests to refrain from doing this. A few non-compliant individuals still tried it, but we basically ignored them and they got the message that we truly weren’t going to do it.
Even as a guest I hate that tradition. This is the XXI century, hasn't everybody seen the couple kiss before?
I refused to wear white. Not because I wasn’t a virgin, though that was certainly true… but really, not everyone looks good in white and I’ve seen way more white wedding gowns that looked like cheap dress-up clothes I would buy for my daughter when she was a toddler than ones that looked luxurious and beautiful. I also refused to buy something I would only wear once that cost more than I spent for the rest of the wedding and reception combined. I wore a red dress to the first one and a red skirt with a black, white, and red sweater to the second.
Honestly, I think that an off-white gown looks much more luxurious and beautiful than a stark white one. But I also love that modern brides are going with gorgeous, saturated colors and unique designs.
Bouquet toss, the bouquet was dried flowers, fragile and handmade from etsy. I also believe that I paid $155 for it.
Mine was freesias and orchids, and I was NOT just going to toss that. I gave it to my godmother, where it lasted about ten days as a centerpiece on her dining room table.
To be honest, I couldn’t care less about it. For my wedding, people can come as they like, as long as they’re wearing something, it is fine with me.
I'm so close to having water guns/silly string/ doge ball at my reception so no one dresses up. because then I don't have to wear a dress while partaking in these activities
I don’t want to wear a white dress. While, as stated in a previous answer, it didn’t originate as a symbol of purity, it has long been associated with that, and I find the focus on a woman’s so-called purity to be weird and disturbing. Wearing a dress in a different color is a way of saying that my sexual history is nobody’s business but my own and the point is that I’m making a life commitment to someone I love, not whether or not I had sex with anyone else before.
She must really, really hate white dresses--so far, the white dress thing was mentioned 3 times.
You know these typical wedding cakes. When looking at the photo above, the only thing that goes through my mind is B O R I N G. Also, it looks so…creamy? I feel like I am gonna vomit just by looking at it.
I’d rather do something special and unusual.
Note: this post originally had 40 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
What about the father walking the bride down the isle. I don't think that was covered.
I'd say do whatever floats your boat for your wedding. The problem is the societal pressure to do certain customs (and the absurd price tag). So we should all back off and let people put on the day they want. Also I think different traditions mean different things to different people. My parents walked me down the aisle but I never thought of it as giving me away. My Dad was in a wheelchair and it was a big deal - and I just wanted them to be part of the ceremony. Also my wedding was performed by a Catholic priest/ Jewish rabbi combo so it was a mix of customs that we decided were important to us. TL;DR - let people do what they want and can afford. Except for "obey" no one should say obey.
Totally agreed. Everyone should just have their dream wedding without social pressure. That‘s all i can say. Personally, i never knew about the background of most traditions, so i don‘t really care. Maybe i have been lucky. But most weddings of my friends were beautiful, meaningful and fun experiences. I admit i‘ve enjoyed all hen parties, being a bridesmaid multiple times, seeing proud fathers walking their independent daughters to the aisle. None of them see their daughter as belongings. So just let people do what they enjoy as long as noone gets hurt :)
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I'm in the process of planning a wedding. I don't feel the need for bridal party, cake, flowers, white dress or a lot of things. However, some things are literally not worth the fight. What do I care if there is cake or no cake. So what if my father wants to walk me down the aisle. I just want to throw a fun party where my friends and family feel included.
Congratulations! I hope you have a great wedding day and more importantly, a wonderful lifelong adventure together!
Load More Replies... This is nice to hear. I never knew so many traditions had harmful/sexist origins. I'm glad these people are making their weddings the best for them and not doing something just because society told them to.
What about the name? I'm not changing my name if I get married, why should I. My name is my own.
In Spain that’s not even a thing. Nobody changes their name and the kids get two surnames, one from each parent
Load More Replies... I was asked to be in a friend's wedding, and he wanted a "swashbuckling" theme -- all the groomsmen would wear black tights and puffy shirts and carry (fake) swords. I almost declined to participate because it sounded pretty hokey, but he was a good friend, and I relented and became a groomsman. Turns out it was a *lot* of fun, even many of the guests were in costume, and I'm really glad I participated.
Cool. Hubby got suckered into a family wedding where they worn their kilts, clan tartans, etc., and there was a bagpiper, it was lovely.... except for the awkward bits where it turns out there really is no undies under the kilt, and after a few drinks, the kilts flew up!
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this isn't a tradition but destination weddings. not everyone can afford to travel and stay at a place for a wedding. it's a strain on the members of the wedding as well since a maid of honor of groomsman may feel obligated to attend but then strap themselves financially for the 'honor' of being there for their friend. as for anything else, ...people need to make themselves happy for their wedding, not anyone else.
I have family and friends who did a destination wedding but it was specifically to keep it small and keep people from crashing. There was no wedding party, no obligation to attend, it was basically the dream family vacay and we will always remember it.
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So many repeats. C'mon, be a bit more careful. The father one was at least 3 times if not more.
I do not think that you should waste a hundred dollars on a wedding dress when you could just dress in casual cloths that you already own? it just don´t make sense(at all)
I really like this article. I personally don't know if I want to get married at some point, but seeing that I'm not the only one who thinks certain things are weird is nice. Like the garter toss! Who actually thought that was a good thing and had enough followers to copy??? And how lots of people took the historical side to back up their dislike was great.
My wedding was in my backyard, my uncle was the officiant, I wore a dress that came from the prom section at Macy's, no one was dressed up more than looking nice and after the 15 minute ceremony(and getting pelted with surprise rice!) there was catered BBQ, cupcakes, yard games and a campfire. Music, yes. Dance floor, no. Neighbors were invited to have a drink :)
Right? We got married at a local park, the officiant was a friend, invited only close friends and family, wore reasonable clothes, and instead of gifts we asked everyone to bring a potluck dish for the reception. We did have cupcakes.
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My mom wore a pink kimono for her wedding, even though her horrible husband tried to tell her that her "Asian dress thing" was gross and too "weird". She wore it anyway haha, and ended up marrying someone else.
Honestly? The very thought of living with another human being makes me anxious. I plan to live what remains of my life surrounded by as many pets as I can rescue. Having said that, I am always very happy for people who find someone they want to share their lives with and I wish them the very best together.
There's so much time and money in weddings that gets spent on things that don't really make the day any more memorable or special. Favours and seat ribbons are some that spring to mind.
Just so we are clear.... a lot of these are only American traditions!
No, they're not. Most "American" traditions are derived from other cultures and countries. Which ones are only American?
Load More Replies... I'm sorry you feel lonely. This last year has been an especially difficult one to meet people. I hope happiness finds you soon.
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My parents just flew to Hawii and read their own vows, were barefoot on a beach with 5 other people there. Oh, and they got married after I was born (which my grandparents didn't like). Their wedding seemed so fun...
The wedding is ONE DAY. The marriage is ... well, hpefully more than one day.
The most expensive part of our wedding was the fact we wanted to get married on 7/7/7 and that happened to be a Saturday, which made everything more expensive. Total cost, including rings, dress, suit, cake, lunch and venue was about 2k. Also, we thought 'hey, 7/7/7 is nice' 7 weeks before that date, so we planned it quite quickly too. I'm glad neither of us cared about tradition, apart from the getting married part itself, so we didn't want expensive rings, dress, dances and djs, etc. Just us, some people we care for and an official saying 'you may kiss each other'.
The funny part is, most of these supposed traditions are basically based on what people saw in movies. My mum had a church wedding and a dinner at home for 20 people. Yet when I was getting married (in the middle of the pandemic) she was trying to talk me into some sort of big extraverted garden party. Guess what, I had a small church wedding and a lunch at home for 20 people. 💁🏼♀️
Haven't even heard of half of these traditions, so some of them must be culture/country specific (two do actually say Turkey and Germany). I believe you should do what you and your spouse feel most comfortable doing. There is no need to partake in a tradition, just because it's a tradition. There are some aspects which may be legally required (having a couple of witnesses for example, and some wording choices are non-negotiable - although "obey" is DEFINITELY optional, and should be utterly removed IMO). The rest is up to the two of you. And some compromise may be involved, that's the point of a partnership.
All of these traditions seem silly to me. Ironically I was a Virgin on my wedding day, but I wore a creamy butter yellow suit and cloche hat with a bouquet of silk flowers, which I kept. We had 12 guests, married in a small, charming park in Charleston, SC and a JP we'd us. The reception after was just finger food, cake and a few bottles of champagne. My mother, who nagged me to go bigger, admitted after that is was the loveliest wedding she'd ever seen. All these traditions were invented at one time, so invent your own. The vows you make are more important than wasting thousands on an event that has no bearing on their commitment or happiness.
27 years married. We did none of those things; no fuss, little expense. It's about the marriage, not the wedding.
My big fit is having guests wear overly fancy clothes. For my first wedding, I had a little card where I wrote a dress code for my wedding: business casual is preferred, but jeans are also okay, as long as no snickers, flip flops, pajamas and athletic gear is used. I think that is appropriate attire.
In my country it's a tradition to get married twice. You go to the church first to get the pretty, "walking down the aisle" wedding, it takes usually 45-60 minutes, and then you go to the venue and get married again in front of a registrar. The latter makes it official, you can't skip it, but the church wedding is not necessary. I respect that someone wants a church wedding for religious reasons or because they think it's pretty, but me and my husband never wanted one because we are both atheists and we find church weddings overwhelming and boring. But oh boy, did it cause some drama when we announced it to the family! They told us that we break a tradition, our marriage won't be "blessed" and it will end up in a divorce because God didn't approve it. :D Most of our family never goes to church, but still thought it's shameful that we skipped the church wedding. Well, we couldn't care less, it was our wedding, not theirs.
I loved our wedding that cost us nothing, I wasn’t expecting gifts but we gifted enough money to cover the court fees, our silicon wedding bands, my marked down gorgeous black dress with silver and metallic pink accents due to the unexpected monetary gifts as we asked only for them to cover their meals. We made a donation to my friends church as they did a touching job of officiating it. I did some holiday decor for a hotel earlier and my friend hooked us up for a honeymoon at her very lovely hotel. The restaurant was free as a venue because I exchanged teaching a sip and paint class for the space and extra help. We even had flowers, cake and someone photograph all planned in 5 days, as we had for months had only spoken of going to a justice of the peace. He was dashing in his navy dress whites and in our thirties we both never expected such a production, but wouldn’t trade that day for any thing
Just do what you want. If you don’t want a wedding that’s considered ‘traditional’ then don’t have one like that. A lot of traditions might have stemmed from bad places, sure, but if there’s no malice behind it and it’s what you want at your wedding then I don’t really think that makes it a bad thing.
Do what you want, don’t do what you don’t want. Other than releasing the pigeons (don’t do that) these are all down to personal preference, not right or wrong.
I don't think these are "ditch-worthy". Basically some people want to throw out the whole thing... good for you, but someone else may value the tradition.
That's the point. None do these brides said no one else should do these things. They just said they weren't.
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Is anyone going to say it? - Weddings themselves are old fashioned, useless traditions
It's not an "American" concept. Did you see the royal weddings? Bridesmaids and groomsmen and large parties are part of every wedding tradition all over the world. Look up Romanian gypsy weddings. Most American wedding traditions come from other cultures but if we admit it, you scream at us for cultural appropriation. Stop blaming Americans for extravagance. We didn't invent it.
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What about the father walking the bride down the isle. I don't think that was covered.
I'd say do whatever floats your boat for your wedding. The problem is the societal pressure to do certain customs (and the absurd price tag). So we should all back off and let people put on the day they want. Also I think different traditions mean different things to different people. My parents walked me down the aisle but I never thought of it as giving me away. My Dad was in a wheelchair and it was a big deal - and I just wanted them to be part of the ceremony. Also my wedding was performed by a Catholic priest/ Jewish rabbi combo so it was a mix of customs that we decided were important to us. TL;DR - let people do what they want and can afford. Except for "obey" no one should say obey.
Totally agreed. Everyone should just have their dream wedding without social pressure. That‘s all i can say. Personally, i never knew about the background of most traditions, so i don‘t really care. Maybe i have been lucky. But most weddings of my friends were beautiful, meaningful and fun experiences. I admit i‘ve enjoyed all hen parties, being a bridesmaid multiple times, seeing proud fathers walking their independent daughters to the aisle. None of them see their daughter as belongings. So just let people do what they enjoy as long as noone gets hurt :)
Load More Replies... I'm in the process of planning a wedding. I don't feel the need for bridal party, cake, flowers, white dress or a lot of things. However, some things are literally not worth the fight. What do I care if there is cake or no cake. So what if my father wants to walk me down the aisle. I just want to throw a fun party where my friends and family feel included.
Congratulations! I hope you have a great wedding day and more importantly, a wonderful lifelong adventure together!
Load More Replies... This is nice to hear. I never knew so many traditions had harmful/sexist origins. I'm glad these people are making their weddings the best for them and not doing something just because society told them to.
What about the name? I'm not changing my name if I get married, why should I. My name is my own.
In Spain that’s not even a thing. Nobody changes their name and the kids get two surnames, one from each parent
Load More Replies... I was asked to be in a friend's wedding, and he wanted a "swashbuckling" theme -- all the groomsmen would wear black tights and puffy shirts and carry (fake) swords. I almost declined to participate because it sounded pretty hokey, but he was a good friend, and I relented and became a groomsman. Turns out it was a *lot* of fun, even many of the guests were in costume, and I'm really glad I participated.
Cool. Hubby got suckered into a family wedding where they worn their kilts, clan tartans, etc., and there was a bagpiper, it was lovely.... except for the awkward bits where it turns out there really is no undies under the kilt, and after a few drinks, the kilts flew up!
Load More Replies... this isn't a tradition but destination weddings. not everyone can afford to travel and stay at a place for a wedding. it's a strain on the members of the wedding as well since a maid of honor of groomsman may feel obligated to attend but then strap themselves financially for the 'honor' of being there for their friend. as for anything else, ...people need to make themselves happy for their wedding, not anyone else.
I have family and friends who did a destination wedding but it was specifically to keep it small and keep people from crashing. There was no wedding party, no obligation to attend, it was basically the dream family vacay and we will always remember it.
Load More Replies... So many repeats. C'mon, be a bit more careful. The father one was at least 3 times if not more.
I do not think that you should waste a hundred dollars on a wedding dress when you could just dress in casual cloths that you already own? it just don´t make sense(at all)
I really like this article. I personally don't know if I want to get married at some point, but seeing that I'm not the only one who thinks certain things are weird is nice. Like the garter toss! Who actually thought that was a good thing and had enough followers to copy??? And how lots of people took the historical side to back up their dislike was great.
My wedding was in my backyard, my uncle was the officiant, I wore a dress that came from the prom section at Macy's, no one was dressed up more than looking nice and after the 15 minute ceremony(and getting pelted with surprise rice!) there was catered BBQ, cupcakes, yard games and a campfire. Music, yes. Dance floor, no. Neighbors were invited to have a drink :)
Right? We got married at a local park, the officiant was a friend, invited only close friends and family, wore reasonable clothes, and instead of gifts we asked everyone to bring a potluck dish for the reception. We did have cupcakes.
Load More Replies... My mom wore a pink kimono for her wedding, even though her horrible husband tried to tell her that her "Asian dress thing" was gross and too "weird". She wore it anyway haha, and ended up marrying someone else.
Honestly? The very thought of living with another human being makes me anxious. I plan to live what remains of my life surrounded by as many pets as I can rescue. Having said that, I am always very happy for people who find someone they want to share their lives with and I wish them the very best together.
There's so much time and money in weddings that gets spent on things that don't really make the day any more memorable or special. Favours and seat ribbons are some that spring to mind.
Just so we are clear.... a lot of these are only American traditions!
No, they're not. Most "American" traditions are derived from other cultures and countries. Which ones are only American?
Load More Replies... I'm sorry you feel lonely. This last year has been an especially difficult one to meet people. I hope happiness finds you soon.
Load More Replies... My parents just flew to Hawii and read their own vows, were barefoot on a beach with 5 other people there. Oh, and they got married after I was born (which my grandparents didn't like). Their wedding seemed so fun...
The wedding is ONE DAY. The marriage is ... well, hpefully more than one day.
The most expensive part of our wedding was the fact we wanted to get married on 7/7/7 and that happened to be a Saturday, which made everything more expensive. Total cost, including rings, dress, suit, cake, lunch and venue was about 2k. Also, we thought 'hey, 7/7/7 is nice' 7 weeks before that date, so we planned it quite quickly too. I'm glad neither of us cared about tradition, apart from the getting married part itself, so we didn't want expensive rings, dress, dances and djs, etc. Just us, some people we care for and an official saying 'you may kiss each other'.
The funny part is, most of these supposed traditions are basically based on what people saw in movies. My mum had a church wedding and a dinner at home for 20 people. Yet when I was getting married (in the middle of the pandemic) she was trying to talk me into some sort of big extraverted garden party. Guess what, I had a small church wedding and a lunch at home for 20 people. 💁🏼♀️
Haven't even heard of half of these traditions, so some of them must be culture/country specific (two do actually say Turkey and Germany). I believe you should do what you and your spouse feel most comfortable doing. There is no need to partake in a tradition, just because it's a tradition. There are some aspects which may be legally required (having a couple of witnesses for example, and some wording choices are non-negotiable - although "obey" is DEFINITELY optional, and should be utterly removed IMO). The rest is up to the two of you. And some compromise may be involved, that's the point of a partnership.
All of these traditions seem silly to me. Ironically I was a Virgin on my wedding day, but I wore a creamy butter yellow suit and cloche hat with a bouquet of silk flowers, which I kept. We had 12 guests, married in a small, charming park in Charleston, SC and a JP we'd us. The reception after was just finger food, cake and a few bottles of champagne. My mother, who nagged me to go bigger, admitted after that is was the loveliest wedding she'd ever seen. All these traditions were invented at one time, so invent your own. The vows you make are more important than wasting thousands on an event that has no bearing on their commitment or happiness.
27 years married. We did none of those things; no fuss, little expense. It's about the marriage, not the wedding.
My big fit is having guests wear overly fancy clothes. For my first wedding, I had a little card where I wrote a dress code for my wedding: business casual is preferred, but jeans are also okay, as long as no snickers, flip flops, pajamas and athletic gear is used. I think that is appropriate attire.
In my country it's a tradition to get married twice. You go to the church first to get the pretty, "walking down the aisle" wedding, it takes usually 45-60 minutes, and then you go to the venue and get married again in front of a registrar. The latter makes it official, you can't skip it, but the church wedding is not necessary. I respect that someone wants a church wedding for religious reasons or because they think it's pretty, but me and my husband never wanted one because we are both atheists and we find church weddings overwhelming and boring. But oh boy, did it cause some drama when we announced it to the family! They told us that we break a tradition, our marriage won't be "blessed" and it will end up in a divorce because God didn't approve it. :D Most of our family never goes to church, but still thought it's shameful that we skipped the church wedding. Well, we couldn't care less, it was our wedding, not theirs.
I loved our wedding that cost us nothing, I wasn’t expecting gifts but we gifted enough money to cover the court fees, our silicon wedding bands, my marked down gorgeous black dress with silver and metallic pink accents due to the unexpected monetary gifts as we asked only for them to cover their meals. We made a donation to my friends church as they did a touching job of officiating it. I did some holiday decor for a hotel earlier and my friend hooked us up for a honeymoon at her very lovely hotel. The restaurant was free as a venue because I exchanged teaching a sip and paint class for the space and extra help. We even had flowers, cake and someone photograph all planned in 5 days, as we had for months had only spoken of going to a justice of the peace. He was dashing in his navy dress whites and in our thirties we both never expected such a production, but wouldn’t trade that day for any thing
Just do what you want. If you don’t want a wedding that’s considered ‘traditional’ then don’t have one like that. A lot of traditions might have stemmed from bad places, sure, but if there’s no malice behind it and it’s what you want at your wedding then I don’t really think that makes it a bad thing.
Do what you want, don’t do what you don’t want. Other than releasing the pigeons (don’t do that) these are all down to personal preference, not right or wrong.
I don't think these are "ditch-worthy". Basically some people want to throw out the whole thing... good for you, but someone else may value the tradition.
That's the point. None do these brides said no one else should do these things. They just said they weren't.
Load More Replies... Is anyone going to say it? - Weddings themselves are old fashioned, useless traditions
It's not an "American" concept. Did you see the royal weddings? Bridesmaids and groomsmen and large parties are part of every wedding tradition all over the world. Look up Romanian gypsy weddings. Most American wedding traditions come from other cultures but if we admit it, you scream at us for cultural appropriation. Stop blaming Americans for extravagance. We didn't invent it.
Load More Replies... 