Woman Gets An Invite To A Wedding – Learns They Don’t Want Her To Be A Guest, Just Unpaid Staff
To most people, drafting and cutting a wedding guest list is less fun than tasting cake flavors. But not when you lack empathy and common sense!
Corporate executive for a makeup brand (this detail comes into play really soon) and Reddit user u/heathenborne recently got a late wedding invitation. But there was a catch. The maid of honor (MOH) — the same person who contacted u/heathenborne — said she could only attend the ceremony if she did makeup for the entire bridal party. For free.
At this point, we don’t know if the MOH acted on her own or with the bride’s blessing, but does it even matter? It’s messed up either way.
Continue scrolling to get more details on the entire ordeal from u/heathenborne herself.
Image credits: Kat (not the actual photo)
Image credits: heathenborne
The question of how to cut your guest list remains one of the great wedding challenges. On one hand, you want to keep catering and seating costs to a minimum, but on the other, you also don’t want to cause beef with your friends and family.
“Typically the bride and groom are in charge of the wedding invite list, with some insight from their parents,” Jesse Reing of Events By Jesse, a company that offers custom planning, coordinating, and creative services, told Bored Panda. Having that in mind, we can probably all assume the whole free makeup plan was coordinated with the couple.
“Maids of honor never invite guests without the bride or groom’s approval. It’s completely inappropriate,” Jesse said. “Of course, any guest can request an additional invite, but this is the decision of the couple getting married. Not only is it presumptuous, but depending on the venue, can put the bride and groom out another $75-$400 per person!”
In the US, a wedding makeup artist can cost between $90 and $475 on average, depending on the services you select, and the length of services.
Wedding makeup can be solely for the bride, or it can include everyone who is a part of her special day. Some women even choose to expand their bridal beauty package to include bridesmaids, flower girls, and other family members. Wedding makeup artists can create bridal looks that are natural and clean, romantic and soft, or bold and glamorous. It all depends on the wedding and the desires of the bride.
Makeup artists usually charge less for bridesmaids’ makeup, and normally average between $50 and $100. For example, Knots for Me in Long Island charges $85–$95 per bridesmaid, rather than charging per hour.
Doing makeup for the entire bridal party (consisting of 8 people) is a huge and expensive task, however, Reing said it “could be worth the opportunity for someone starting out who needs experience, a client list, and marketing photos.”
“However, all three of those things should not be contingent on an invite to the wedding,” Reing added.
People think it’s a ridiculous situation to find yourself in
One thing..... her husband should NEVER have agreed to go to this disaster. The bride screwed up royally when she invited him. You NEVER invite half a couple to ANY event.He should have refused to go.
It's a pandemic. Restricted guest numbers could be a posibility, so husband isn't automaticly at fault for accepting. However, I've seen invites for one, but they usually come with a personal note, saying "Due to venue size/budget/pandemic, we are strictly limiting the size of the wedding, and only inviting those we are closest too. Sadly these constraints mean we can't invite your partner. We hope you understand this, and will be able to join us. We would love to get together with both you and your partner once life is normal again." After the demands to the partner, he should be having a heart-to-heart with his cousin, and if she knew about it, revoke his acceptance.
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Send them a quote for the job, because that is in fact what it is, and in the unlikely event that they accept it tell them you are otherwise engaged that day. As if it wasn't rude enough to invite the husband only as a guest.
And send it to the bride, not the maid of honor! Seriously, the bride needs to know about this, because the MOH has probably told her that she's arranged for a free makeup artist.
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She really had the nerve to think someone would be a slave to 8 women's faces all day for free. SMH. The nerve.
A better answer would have been "I'm not a makeup artist and even if I was, I wouldn't work for free. "
F**k you for using this story when the author specifically told you not to. Trash news reporting
You're a bot, so it's not like what you think matters.
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If someone did this to my partner I would NOT be going to that wedding. That is disgusting. "You can't come to the wedding, but you can come do work for free, and you don't get to eat anything... and you have to bring the makeup". Eff that.
You missed the part where OP didn't want you to post the article and then deleted their account because you posted the article against their wishes.
My understanding is that Bored Panda contacted this poster and asked for an update and to answer some questions. The poster declined and asked that this not be published on BP, which then immediately published it. Yes, it was on a public forum, but it leaves a bad taste when you know that she did not want this article to be written about her.
Yeah, it's one thing to contact and ask for further information for their "story", but after being told "no" they decided to do it anyway and link to OP's profile in addition, opening her up to doxxing and harassment. It's a shame, I was hoping to hear how this all pans out, but now they had to delete their account to avoid being identified and harassed.
Load More Replies... The writer of the original piece asked you not to publish it. You did anyway. This makes me question the integrity of this site and the staff who did it for a byline.
Her demands were made AFTER the story was published. This letter wasn't asking for permission. It was telling her it was already published and they would like an update. In any case, journalists or the press don't just stop publishing something just because you tell them not to. If that were the case, nothing negative about anything or anyone will ever be published!
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The fact that she told you not to post this and you posted this it anyway makes you sketchy. This makes me question if they actually care about integrity or just looking for clicks. Be better Bored Panda because you missed the mark on this one. If someone tells you no it means no. You don't post something if someone doesn't give you their consent, that's a jerk move on your part.
You could have easily posted (stolen) this story with names redacted or with some semblance of journalistic integrity. But now we will never get an update from the author on this story; because of your unprofessionalism they have deleted their account after one final post explaining why they were now being doxxed and harassed because of this article.
Hey remember when you messaged the OP about this directly on Reddit and they asked you not to post it and then you did anyway? Nice. Must be hard being a Bored Panda "reporter", stealing everything from Reddit. Feel like hiring me? I can also steal content from other websites.
Reading that made my blood pressure go up and off the charts! What kind of human being thinks that way? If she had at least offered her her dinner with the rest of the guests and some drinks, maybe that would pass muster, I don't know. Something tells me that bride isn't going to be married for long if she keeps that kind of bull s**t up. I still can't believe someone actually proposed that! ARRRRRRRR!
Yeah, this. If you have contractors at your reception for the whole evening, photographers/videographers/coordinators etc it's just good manners to feed them.
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It’s time to either ban big weddings or heavily negatively promote them.
There are only two kinds of weddings: those where people go (positively) crazy because they celebrate with two who are in love, and those where people go crazy because somone left an open bottle of unwarranted entitlement potion and some had a deep sip. Besides: counting gifts as in ticking off a list if everyone gave plenty is despicable.
We found our photographer on Craigslist. I didn't get married until I was 41. None of my friends looked at their photos or video regularly. I wanted to give someone a chance. He was so great! We look at our wedding pictures b/c he was creative :)
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Why don't you do some "journalism" , Rokas Laurinavičius? You asked the OP on Reddit whether you could use her story, then stole it anyway when she said no. https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/npwwqp/update_please_come_to_my_wedding_as_unpaid_staff/
Why don't you do some "journalism" Rokas Laurinavičius and Mindaugas Balčiauskas? You asked the OP on Reddit whether you could use her story, then stole it and used it anyway when she said no: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/npwwqp/update_please_come_to_my_wedding_as_unpaid_staff/
Way to steal this. What's even worse the person told you not to post this. Congrats on being a water down version of tmz
I hate that the advice to be respectful is up there. Why? Why reply again respectfully? This is the type of person who will flip out on a "no." Respect isnt given to everyone
I don't even get the telling people what does or doesn't count as a present. That's entirely up to the guest.
Ya'll posted this without permission of the original poster AND included her username. How dishonest of you guys.
Like many others have said, The original publisher has asked you to NOT use this post in this hellhole. You did use it and he/she deleted her/his account. No wonder people dont reccomend this website.
I started having doubts about Bored Panda when several of my comments were deleted for no reason. But I keep on. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I say something inappropriate that I do not realised. Then this happen. Bored Panda, where is your journalism integrity? Don't post without getting approval from the original content creator!
Its like a gaming company banning/ deleting users who are negative about their games. U dont have a chance if you dont stay "True" to them
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This is... unbelievable. I can't believe these people! Who would do this?
Because of you she deleted her account. She SPECIFICALLY told you she doesn't give her consent. Go write something instead of stealing all you content from Choosingbeggars and AITA, (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/npwwqp/update_please_come_to_my_wedding_as_unpaid_staff/)
In her place, I would send a polite e-mail to the bride: "Dear Chrissy, I just got a rather strange e-mail from your maid of honor. Apparently she's under the impression that I'm a professional makeup artist who does weddings. Unfortunately, I don't work in that part of the cosmetics industry and can't help in that way, but I can offer you some free products for your bridesmaids. Just let me know when you'd like to come by to pick them up. I'm so happy for you and Paul, and I wish you both the best on your special day!" That way, I'm not giving in to an unreasonable request, but I am still making a generous offer that they can't really complain about without looking like jerks. Also, it allows for the possibility that there was a genuine miscommunication that resulted in the MOH making this request.
If you had been invited as a guest in the first place and then they asked you to help with makeup that would be one thing. But demanding that you arrive WITH all of your own makeup to use on them and GIVE them each their own lipstick?? That's ridiculous and I was hoping this story would end with you refusing to do it!
I do sound and lights as a side income. I do music events, and MMA events. Period. No weddings or other events of a family nature, for any amount. It's already a side hustle, I don't need the money bad enough to bear witness to the shitshow of human depravity that seems to accompany wedding parties. It's embarrassing to even be around.
Ow I wonder what kind of narcissistic couple is getting married this time
It is absolutely clear that OP should not agree to that. However, I do not get the impression that MOH understood her answer "I'm not a makeup artist" as a solid no. Where I come from, this could also be a polite way to say "Well I can do it, but do not expect too much, as I am out of practice." So her not responding anymore does not sit quite right with me.
It's crazy to me that people like the bride and MOH exist. Ive moved apartments twice literally on my own because i didnt want to burden my friends because moving sucks so bad (who wouldve helped if i askjed and they were free)
Since everyone is about cancel culture, can we cancel toxic wedding events already?!?!
Or do what I do. Don't go to weddings. We don't go to funerals, either.
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It's astounding how many people will pull nonsense like this! I understand about COVID restrictions, but dang, the rest is just selfish and idiotic.
Every time I read one of these, it only serves to cement my opinion that weddings are stupid and will always be stupid and I will never attend one ever again.
No, of course you don't do it. But it would be awesome to say yes and then, bad luck and all, catch the Rona that day. Just saying.
That was a bit controversial, lemme explain why: Theres a high chance the reddit hivemind is here downvoting every post that is reccomending going to the wedding. Be careful
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I would just ignore it. Sounds like the MOH was tasked with finding a MUA and this is the result. The bride might not even know. I get keeping the guest list limited, weddings are absurdly expensive, and the bride might have just asked the MOH to find a MUA within a certain budget. I would imagine that she might have even agreed to help out if they had approached her differently.
You're free to do that if you ever find yourself in that situation. I don't know that she's comfortable being that deceitful. A little fib ("I have to attend a conference") is fine. Saying "yes" with the intention of not showing up could hurt her reputation. People could end up telling her off and saying, "Why didn't you just say no?"
Load More Replies... I feel this in my soul, I was just asked by a family friend if I could attend their wedding not as a guest but as the photographer. I told her I don’t have the equipment nor have I ever shot a wedding or other party/event. I volunteered an engagement photoshoot but her SIL is doing that already.
You would be walking into a trap. If they're not happy with the photos, they'll complain. Plus, you'd be competing with guests who want to take pictures. I hope you turned it down and that they understood that.
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Absolute garbage. The poster told you not to write this and you did it anyway. Just shows how low of a person you are, couldn’t even block out the username.
I liked the dollar store make up kits idea best, I think this is an excellent idea.
Practice a realistic fake laugh and reply "You know there are actually people like that out there? Can you imagine how selfish and entitled some brides can be?". It may not put her in her place, but laughing in her face would be such a great way to use her energy!
If she insists, send her an email saying this is how I will be doing makeup if you insist that I come...and send her a picture of clowns on parade.
One thing..... her husband should NEVER have agreed to go to this disaster. The bride screwed up royally when she invited him. You NEVER invite half a couple to ANY event.He should have refused to go.
It's a pandemic. Restricted guest numbers could be a posibility, so husband isn't automaticly at fault for accepting. However, I've seen invites for one, but they usually come with a personal note, saying "Due to venue size/budget/pandemic, we are strictly limiting the size of the wedding, and only inviting those we are closest too. Sadly these constraints mean we can't invite your partner. We hope you understand this, and will be able to join us. We would love to get together with both you and your partner once life is normal again." After the demands to the partner, he should be having a heart-to-heart with his cousin, and if she knew about it, revoke his acceptance.
Load More Replies... Send them a quote for the job, because that is in fact what it is, and in the unlikely event that they accept it tell them you are otherwise engaged that day. As if it wasn't rude enough to invite the husband only as a guest.
And send it to the bride, not the maid of honor! Seriously, the bride needs to know about this, because the MOH has probably told her that she's arranged for a free makeup artist.
Load More Replies... She really had the nerve to think someone would be a slave to 8 women's faces all day for free. SMH. The nerve.
A better answer would have been "I'm not a makeup artist and even if I was, I wouldn't work for free. "
F**k you for using this story when the author specifically told you not to. Trash news reporting
You're a bot, so it's not like what you think matters.
Load More Replies... If someone did this to my partner I would NOT be going to that wedding. That is disgusting. "You can't come to the wedding, but you can come do work for free, and you don't get to eat anything... and you have to bring the makeup". Eff that.
You missed the part where OP didn't want you to post the article and then deleted their account because you posted the article against their wishes.
My understanding is that Bored Panda contacted this poster and asked for an update and to answer some questions. The poster declined and asked that this not be published on BP, which then immediately published it. Yes, it was on a public forum, but it leaves a bad taste when you know that she did not want this article to be written about her.
Yeah, it's one thing to contact and ask for further information for their "story", but after being told "no" they decided to do it anyway and link to OP's profile in addition, opening her up to doxxing and harassment. It's a shame, I was hoping to hear how this all pans out, but now they had to delete their account to avoid being identified and harassed.
Load More Replies... The writer of the original piece asked you not to publish it. You did anyway. This makes me question the integrity of this site and the staff who did it for a byline.
Her demands were made AFTER the story was published. This letter wasn't asking for permission. It was telling her it was already published and they would like an update. In any case, journalists or the press don't just stop publishing something just because you tell them not to. If that were the case, nothing negative about anything or anyone will ever be published!
Load More Replies... The fact that she told you not to post this and you posted this it anyway makes you sketchy. This makes me question if they actually care about integrity or just looking for clicks. Be better Bored Panda because you missed the mark on this one. If someone tells you no it means no. You don't post something if someone doesn't give you their consent, that's a jerk move on your part.
You could have easily posted (stolen) this story with names redacted or with some semblance of journalistic integrity. But now we will never get an update from the author on this story; because of your unprofessionalism they have deleted their account after one final post explaining why they were now being doxxed and harassed because of this article.
Hey remember when you messaged the OP about this directly on Reddit and they asked you not to post it and then you did anyway? Nice. Must be hard being a Bored Panda "reporter", stealing everything from Reddit. Feel like hiring me? I can also steal content from other websites.
Reading that made my blood pressure go up and off the charts! What kind of human being thinks that way? If she had at least offered her her dinner with the rest of the guests and some drinks, maybe that would pass muster, I don't know. Something tells me that bride isn't going to be married for long if she keeps that kind of bull s**t up. I still can't believe someone actually proposed that! ARRRRRRRR!
Yeah, this. If you have contractors at your reception for the whole evening, photographers/videographers/coordinators etc it's just good manners to feed them.
Load More Replies... It’s time to either ban big weddings or heavily negatively promote them.
There are only two kinds of weddings: those where people go (positively) crazy because they celebrate with two who are in love, and those where people go crazy because somone left an open bottle of unwarranted entitlement potion and some had a deep sip. Besides: counting gifts as in ticking off a list if everyone gave plenty is despicable.
We found our photographer on Craigslist. I didn't get married until I was 41. None of my friends looked at their photos or video regularly. I wanted to give someone a chance. He was so great! We look at our wedding pictures b/c he was creative :)
Load More Replies... Why don't you do some "journalism" , Rokas Laurinavičius? You asked the OP on Reddit whether you could use her story, then stole it anyway when she said no. https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/npwwqp/update_please_come_to_my_wedding_as_unpaid_staff/
Why don't you do some "journalism" Rokas Laurinavičius and Mindaugas Balčiauskas? You asked the OP on Reddit whether you could use her story, then stole it and used it anyway when she said no: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/npwwqp/update_please_come_to_my_wedding_as_unpaid_staff/
Way to steal this. What's even worse the person told you not to post this. Congrats on being a water down version of tmz
I hate that the advice to be respectful is up there. Why? Why reply again respectfully? This is the type of person who will flip out on a "no." Respect isnt given to everyone
I don't even get the telling people what does or doesn't count as a present. That's entirely up to the guest.
Ya'll posted this without permission of the original poster AND included her username. How dishonest of you guys.
Like many others have said, The original publisher has asked you to NOT use this post in this hellhole. You did use it and he/she deleted her/his account. No wonder people dont reccomend this website.
I started having doubts about Bored Panda when several of my comments were deleted for no reason. But I keep on. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I say something inappropriate that I do not realised. Then this happen. Bored Panda, where is your journalism integrity? Don't post without getting approval from the original content creator!
Its like a gaming company banning/ deleting users who are negative about their games. U dont have a chance if you dont stay "True" to them
Load More Replies... This is... unbelievable. I can't believe these people! Who would do this?
Because of you she deleted her account. She SPECIFICALLY told you she doesn't give her consent. Go write something instead of stealing all you content from Choosingbeggars and AITA, (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/npwwqp/update_please_come_to_my_wedding_as_unpaid_staff/)
In her place, I would send a polite e-mail to the bride: "Dear Chrissy, I just got a rather strange e-mail from your maid of honor. Apparently she's under the impression that I'm a professional makeup artist who does weddings. Unfortunately, I don't work in that part of the cosmetics industry and can't help in that way, but I can offer you some free products for your bridesmaids. Just let me know when you'd like to come by to pick them up. I'm so happy for you and Paul, and I wish you both the best on your special day!" That way, I'm not giving in to an unreasonable request, but I am still making a generous offer that they can't really complain about without looking like jerks. Also, it allows for the possibility that there was a genuine miscommunication that resulted in the MOH making this request.
If you had been invited as a guest in the first place and then they asked you to help with makeup that would be one thing. But demanding that you arrive WITH all of your own makeup to use on them and GIVE them each their own lipstick?? That's ridiculous and I was hoping this story would end with you refusing to do it!
I do sound and lights as a side income. I do music events, and MMA events. Period. No weddings or other events of a family nature, for any amount. It's already a side hustle, I don't need the money bad enough to bear witness to the shitshow of human depravity that seems to accompany wedding parties. It's embarrassing to even be around.
Ow I wonder what kind of narcissistic couple is getting married this time
It is absolutely clear that OP should not agree to that. However, I do not get the impression that MOH understood her answer "I'm not a makeup artist" as a solid no. Where I come from, this could also be a polite way to say "Well I can do it, but do not expect too much, as I am out of practice." So her not responding anymore does not sit quite right with me.
It's crazy to me that people like the bride and MOH exist. Ive moved apartments twice literally on my own because i didnt want to burden my friends because moving sucks so bad (who wouldve helped if i askjed and they were free)
Since everyone is about cancel culture, can we cancel toxic wedding events already?!?!
Or do what I do. Don't go to weddings. We don't go to funerals, either.
Load More Replies... It's astounding how many people will pull nonsense like this! I understand about COVID restrictions, but dang, the rest is just selfish and idiotic.
Every time I read one of these, it only serves to cement my opinion that weddings are stupid and will always be stupid and I will never attend one ever again.
No, of course you don't do it. But it would be awesome to say yes and then, bad luck and all, catch the Rona that day. Just saying.
That was a bit controversial, lemme explain why: Theres a high chance the reddit hivemind is here downvoting every post that is reccomending going to the wedding. Be careful
Load More Replies... I would just ignore it. Sounds like the MOH was tasked with finding a MUA and this is the result. The bride might not even know. I get keeping the guest list limited, weddings are absurdly expensive, and the bride might have just asked the MOH to find a MUA within a certain budget. I would imagine that she might have even agreed to help out if they had approached her differently.
You're free to do that if you ever find yourself in that situation. I don't know that she's comfortable being that deceitful. A little fib ("I have to attend a conference") is fine. Saying "yes" with the intention of not showing up could hurt her reputation. People could end up telling her off and saying, "Why didn't you just say no?"
Load More Replies... I feel this in my soul, I was just asked by a family friend if I could attend their wedding not as a guest but as the photographer. I told her I don’t have the equipment nor have I ever shot a wedding or other party/event. I volunteered an engagement photoshoot but her SIL is doing that already.
You would be walking into a trap. If they're not happy with the photos, they'll complain. Plus, you'd be competing with guests who want to take pictures. I hope you turned it down and that they understood that.
Load More Replies... Absolute garbage. The poster told you not to write this and you did it anyway. Just shows how low of a person you are, couldn’t even block out the username.
I liked the dollar store make up kits idea best, I think this is an excellent idea.
Practice a realistic fake laugh and reply "You know there are actually people like that out there? Can you imagine how selfish and entitled some brides can be?". It may not put her in her place, but laughing in her face would be such a great way to use her energy!
If she insists, send her an email saying this is how I will be doing makeup if you insist that I come...and send her a picture of clowns on parade.
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