Man Asks If He Was Wrong To Kick Out All The Women In His Family After They Showed Up To His Wedding Wearing White For A Twisted ‘Ultimate Test’
Recently a man has shared a post on r/AITA telling about the twisted prank the women in his family pulled at his wedding. “They’ve formed a unit and they’d tease and roast every new woman that enters the family by marriage by setting up ‘tests’ to see if they deserve to be part of the family,” the author said.
One such woman was his wife, who got “the ultimate test” on her own wedding day. It turns out, the women came in all wearing white dresses just to see how the bride would react. They said it was an ultimate test for her to see if she was “decent,” but as you can imagine, it really infuriated the author, who kicked them out.
Read on about the full incident right below to hear the background story and what came out of all this, and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments below!
This man has recently shared what a twisted prank the women in his family had pulled on his wife on their wedding day
Image credits: Sinitta Leunen
The author has added some more information about the incident so that the readers would get a full picture of what happened
Many people found the behavior of the women in his family very problematic and said that the author was right to handle the situation like he did
They caused the scene, not him. Good on OP for supporting his new wife
Well, they were hoping that he'd avoid the scene by giving in to the bullying... so they "didn't want a scene", as they wanted to get their way instead.
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What the heck is wrong with people. Not even close to an appropriate place to prank someone..are people getting dumber??
It's the blessing of social media where you can safely shed the thin layer of decency, humanity and civilisation and show your true colors of a beligerent, trashy harpy without any consequences.
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Pranks are only funny if the prankee is going to find it funny too.
Agreed. Short little surprise and then the prankee joins in the laughter. The b*tches kept saying it was a test. So it really wasn't a prank at all.
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Rule #1 in the Abusers Playbook: "It was a JOKE! Can't you take a joke??"
"If we didn't like you, we wouldn't give you s***". That's another one. Generally when a group of males is involved.
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I am so glad the OP stuck up for his wife. I've read so many stories and seen first hand guys allow their partner to be bullied and disrespected. Good for him for being mature, supporting his wife and not leaving it to her to resolve an issue with his family. The women sound very mean, toxic and immature. An awful situation but a good moment to have broken free from them.
@Bear42212 They did that to upset her and bully her. If you think any part of this is acceptable, you shouldn't have a partner. Letting your partner endure bullshit like this is toxic and spineless and if you can't recognize that you clearly don't know how to treat a significant other
Load More Replies... Wow you need a new family! When anyone in my family gets a new partner (including my sons) I will always be welcoming and polite even if I didn't like them. To judge someone's partner is judging their taste and decision making therefore if you care and respect someone you will accept their partner with open arms If the new partner lacks confidence you should try to build them up not break them down.
Agreed, I would hate to be a part of this family.
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This sounds very 'Mean Girls' and there are OLD WOMEN in the groom's family acting like little girls. Everyone involved deservers a right hook to the face
Right? I was shocked to find out that his Mother and Grandmother took part. How immature. This bride deserved better.
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"We want to see if your fiancé is as toxic as we are before we'll accept her." What a bunch of (insert profanity here)!
They chose the wedding day to 'test' her. If it truly was a test could they not find a better day to cause a scene. It was the bride and grooms day and they wanted the spotlight.
Right? Nobody asked them to test new women in the family. Their family member found a woman who they want to spend his life with her. Who are they to question his choice. I think the test showed that they don't need those toxic women in their lives!
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I shudder to think what they do with every family pregnancy. Wear those fake pregnancy bellies that are wired to replicate contractions? No, they’re toxic assholes who need to be cut out of your lives until they can become human beings again. If they ever do, or even can. Sorry.
He needs to cut off contact with everyone who was involved in this s**t. Maybe his SIL who he says used to be nice but has adopted the ways of the other women will realise she doesn't have to join in to be welcomed if he, his brother, and his father all act together and she can rejoin the human race. If any of the rest of the women decide to do the same they can slowly expand the ranks of not batshit insane family members.
NTA. This is abuse. Sounds like straight out of a horror movie. Never speak to them again. They need to understand how f****d up they are. They are traumatizing and torturing these women on purpose. There is absolutely nothing funny about this. This is so messed up words alone can not describe how shocked I am. And how angry.
How can they say that the bride was responsible for the scene when the groom told them upfront that they'd be kicked out if they tried it? They should be the ones to go before the bride and groom and apologize. Good for you for standing up for your wife and kudos to your father for putting his foot down as well.
"The unit" is called a "posse of bullies". If you have to endure that hazing to be family, then you're not family ----- you're in a gang/cult. He did right, good on him. It is not okay to treat people like that and then only grant acceptance if they act the same way. No.
Thank GOD he stood up for his wife. I read too many stories where the husband/boyfriend is pushed around and walked over by his mother and the wife/girlfriend is left trying to battle an attack from all sides before being dismissed as a "crazy hag he's better off without". If there were more men in the world like him I think there would be fewer mean mother-in-law stories out there.
I usually read these types of posts and roll my eyes, but, yeah, boot them. This is not the time or place for a "prank". If you don't know why, not worth the time to explain.
That poor couple! Growing up in such a toxic situation. “Decent” women don’t seem to be in that family?!
Their definition of "decent" women is based on the willingness to put up with abuse and then become abusive. Their excuse that they're looking out for the men is gaslighting. Basically, they want to act like assholes and pulled that excuse out of their asses.
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Good grief, what a toxic family. Who would DO such a horrible thing - pranking someone's wedding so badly?? They have established a tradition of hazing - in a family environment. Truly disgustind and disturbing behaviour. The poster did a good job fo standing up for him and hiw wife. Definitely NTA!
I've periodically had to put people in line by not speaking to them when they behave like this. Just ignore them for a few months, watch how the manners improve. Like, completely block on all communications platforms.
If the manners don't improve, that's still a few months of peace and quiet.
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So... he knew about the prank and told them beforehand he would sent them home if they really did that, and now they are complaining that he did exactly as he said? That bafles me. Apaprt from the bullying part. Sounds like a bunch of sociopaths.
Because yeah, a wedding is the perfect, most socially accepted time to pull a "prank". /s. These women must be faultless saints, thinking they're fit to judge if another woman is worthy of joining the family. What a bunch of nasty, childish women. They should be ashamed of their behavior.
One of the comments said it's a family, not a sorority--excellent point. Nobody has the right to gate-keep who's going to enter the family! It's up to every individual to choose their spouse, not up to the whole family to vote! (Depending on culture... This story doesn't take place in an arranged marriage culture.) I love how he stood up for her and I hope the women all rethink their behavior.
They were warned and they chose to ignore the warning. Let them exclude him, he has a new wife and he can celebrate with her family. It's their loss and they should be ashamed of themselves, they sound like petty, and mean women.
This sounds almost like the plot of the movie, "Ready or Not". Toxic family to be sure. Limit your wife's exposure to these "mean girls" and start your own family with healthy, supportive values.
And, what happens if they deem her not acceptable to join the family? Do they then 'force' the man to drop her? Do they cut ties with the 'man' because he has an unacceptable partner? Or do they just make it their mission to make her life miserable? Good for this guy for standing up for his wife! If I were him, I would deem the family's participating women unacceptable to be part of his family...forever. They have proven over time they do not warrant a second chance. Too late, had their chance, muffed it. Second note, I disagree with his comment 'kind of toxic'. There is no 'kind of' here. They are toxic.
Wow. Your wedding day is not a day to be the recipient of "pranks"
Well, that just feels gross. What is wrong with them? How is torturing someone's spouse looking out for the men of the family? Causing issues like that. What is the reaction they want? Someone who is willing to be beaten down and harassed by their in-laws for the rest of time? No thank you.
I suspect that they would continue harassing the wife until a new target came along.
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Time for very firm boundaries including social media and phone number blocks. This bully behavior has consequences and it appears no one in your family who is uncomfortable with it is willing to stand up and hold them accountable with consequences. Is grandma single or divorced? There's a reason and I bet this bullying is her bitterness keeping people away. Toxic to the max and sociopathic. All those women are no longer part of your family. Period! Good on you sticking by your wife and good on your dad. Get close with your in-laws. Those will be the true grandparents to your children. Mom lost out with this behavior, that's her consequence.
The women in his family really suck. Especially whoever started this terrible idea of a “tradition”. I don’t see why he thought he needed to ask folks on the interwebs after he had his dad’s and brother’s support. That’d be enough for me.
I dunno. Sometimes my husband and I talk about how many assholes we have in our family, then and we look at each other and say, “What if we’re the assholes?” It’s good to check with a disinterested third party.
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The family have the blaim. I know it's all in good fun etc, but when they start to react negative and act as if they were the victim? Hell no. I also think it's great he watch his wife don't get hurt.
NTA. They are toxic bullies, and they are bullying new family members unmercifully then pressuring them into joining in the toxic bullying themselves - with the unspoken threat of being the target again if they resist. It is a horrible family culture, and it's something you shouldn't expect your wife (or sisters, or daughters, or sisters-in-law) to have to tolerate. I suggest you identify which members of your family you actually like, and who aren't toxic, and make an effort to build separate relationships with them, and cut contact with anyone who is abusive. You don't have to let the toxic ones dictate all family involvement. Organise your own meetups with the nontoxic ones.
The wedding was going to be ruined for someone; these women made sure of that. They just hadn't thought through the fact that it might be them and not the actual bride. Good on the groom for putting his foot down - the longer this goes on, the more likely it is to go on to physical harm instead of just emotional harm that they can later gaslight the newcomers about.
Do they test new men in this family? No, of course not, because men don't have to "earn" a place in your family do they? This tradition seems to be born off of internalized misogyny and the notion that if anyone will be the untrustworthy one, it will be the woman. After growing up around this, I applaud you for knowing the difference between harmless pranks and toxic behavior. They intentionally wanted to upset your wife and ruin a day that's meant to be here and the women "joining" after enduring bullying is a form of manipulation for them to feel validated in the family. It's really such a relieving thing that you stood up for your wife so adamantly because not many husbands stand of to their precious mothers. You 100% did the right thing
Let me see if I've got this straight. They set out to cause their family's significant others pain to see if they can trust them to bully future family members' significant others... To find out if they're decent people?!? I'm not sure I can wrap my logic into that kind of labrythine pretzel formation.
At least you do not have to divide holidays. Because neither of you need to be exposed to their hostile choices. Holidays spent with her family or new traditions that the two of you create together. May your lives be filled with many blessings from the people you chose to have in your life.
I would move far away and shun them all. Make my own family with friends. I am "aunt" to a lot of my friend's kids, who are all adults now.
They are bullies and teaching the new women coming in that if they want to be part of the family they have to learn to bully also. Retired teacher here. Bullies should never be allowed to give an excuse. It is not their point of view that matters. What matters is how the victim felt. Period. Whatever they had to say did not matter. They bullied their son's new wife on their wedding day. Completely unforgivable.
Another former teacher here and I've never heard a bully who didn't claim the mistreatment was a joke.
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Just to play safe,if I was bride I'd announce knowing this that wedding and bride will be in blue, or brown and then go for something completely different. Or get couple of cheaper dresses in different colors and beat them on their own "joke". Or wear suit... But no, that so called prank is not ok, pretty sick they do that for years.
What!? everyone knows conspiring to pull of a prank is best done on a bride's wedding day! (*sarcasm)
A "prank" is a mean trick played on another person. ANy time someone tries the excuse "It's just a JOke! Lighten UPppppp." you know they're a bully. NTA.
… “Looking out for”…? “Test”? “Prank”? Bullying and being blatant aśśholes, is surely what they mean. How is shìtty, nasty, backstabbing aśśholery anything but total disrespect? These people be crazy.
NTA but a good husband who stands up for the most important woman in his life
Do these women realize they are not in middle school anymore. This is teasing, tests or protecting their men. Those are just excuses for being mean girls. Stick to your guns. The crazy needs to stop
Thank you! For being so awesome for your wife and not letting her deal with this s**t. Toxic behaviour has to be stopped so congrats on being the one to stand up for what is right. No good hearted human being would ever try to humiliate and upset a bride on what’s supposed to be her happiest day. There were a million ways you could have handled this, some ok-ish, some shittier, but you, you chose the best possible way to handle it, even if it meant it was probably the hardest one for you! You rock!
A wedding is something people have planned and paid a lot of money for and is hardly the place to play a prank. You want to prank somebody, wait for Halloween. But the mother and grandmother sounds like women I know. They've actually grown in a pack and are more emboldened now because nobody ever stood up to them. Good on the groom for supporting his wife and standing up to them.
It wasn't a test for her, it was a test for you to see who you were going to be more loyal to, her or them. Good for you for standing up for your wife and not giving in. Now they know they can't push you around.
NTA. All the women sound toxically entitled. I would completely no contact until every one of them apologized. They were warned, did it anyway, suffered the consequences, and are now victim blaming! Cutting them out of his life until they apologize is no loss. It's actually a benefit because they won't be able to harass his wife and cause marital problems.
I don't understand why people do things to hurt others especially on someone's wedding day. There are 365 days in a year, surely one could take one single day and aim to be a decent person by being there and supportive or staying away all together. 1 day!
The only thing they "test" with these pranks is how much abuse they can lay on any new woman entering the family. Seriously, get out of that group. You don't want your wife to be exposed to that malice, and you probably also don't want your possible future daughters to turn into THAT. Also, kudos to the groom! In other stories where MIL bullies her (future) DIL I always ask myself "Where tf is the groom? Why isn't he doing something?" Thank you for proving that there are good decent men out there still.
He didn't mention how disrespected HE was; a grown man needed the "permission" of the women in his family before he could marry? Not capable of choosing a kind and loving wife? In spite of how he was raised. If they like pranks, he can tell them he forgives them when they crawl on hands and knees up his front walk to apologize to his wife.
Wow. The worst day in the world to play tricks on someone on their wedding day. Complete and total A..holes.
All he should do now, is to send each of the women either the link (or hard copy) of this BP article, with the BP comment section. No one has supported them and they should see themselves through the eyes of a much larger community like this.
Poisonous people. Cut them off completely. If their husbands wimp out on calling out their sick, toxic behavior, they’re gone too. Family is the people you love and care for who love and look after you too. You and your wife will create your own kind, thoughtful family, and these abusive women and their enablers will not be a part of it.
He made it perfectly clear what the consequences of their "prank" would be and they did it anyway. He followed through on his promise and now they're mad at him for doing something he told them not to do? Those women are beyond bullies, they're toxic bitches. I applaud this guy for sticking to his guns and, more importantly, letting his bride know that she could count on him to be supportive and a man of his word. I sincerely hope he posts this on social media so these gals can see what the rest of the world thinks of their behavior.
I lost my Mom at any early age. I would have welcomed the prospect (in later years) of a new maternal influence in my life. "Mom" and "Grandma" have blown any chance of having a close relationship with their new DIL and possible grandkids. I would never trust them on anything ever again if they had taken such an action on my wedding day, giggled behind their hands about a prank, then berated my new husband for standing up for ME. BTW...did they show you the dresses they had brought to change in to? I'd have like to have seen THAT!
if there was ever a time where being a "bridezilla" was acceptable it would be when someone else wears a white dress to the wedding
I'm thinking if they really wanted to test her mettle, they should have challenged her to a duel. Foil, epee, scimitars... choose your weapon..
If as a bride I'd heard that I migth just have worn red. However I did ask folk to avoid wearing purple at my do. I wouldn't have kicked anyone out for it though but I had sole charge of the guest list... Those nasy aunts & cousins would never have made the cut.
No, you are NOT the A; you are the hero. You passed, with flying colors, what an old friend used to call The Schmuck Test. There would have been no excuse for letting a bunch of arrested-development cases--nasty women who should have outgrown their mean-girl phase in high school--ruin your wife's wedding. On your part, simply playig neutral would have been as bad as participating. Active defense was required and that's what you gave. Letting your wife down on Day One--is that a way to start a marriage? You were man enough to know your duty, so kudos to you. (And you warned those harpies, so they've got no kick coming.) And what I say here applies to all hazing rituals--they are cruel and dehumanizing.
What terrible examples of women. They pretend their bullying is 'teasing' and when they finally accept the new lady into the family, she'd be so thrilled to now being looked on favourably that she'd be scared to upset them and be 'teased' again. Thus she joins in with the hazing, and so the cult grows. The OP is 100% in the right, and I can't honestly see what value any of those toxic vultures bring to his and his new wife's lives. Leave them where they are. It's their loss.
Stay away from them. If you want to see your brother and/or your father, have an activity with them (fishing, football, golf) and then they can stop by your house, on their way home, and see your wife (and kids). Personally, I wouldn't let your kids anywhere near those women.
These women pulled a very mean and demeaning “prank” on this couple who were meant to be celebrating what should’ve been the happiest day of their lives! It’s heartbreaking to hear what this couple has been through, but so amazing how this man has stood up for his wife. They were warned. Turns out THOSE FEMALE RELATIVES WERE THE BRIDEZILLAS!!!
This man is amazing. Where are more like him? He stood up for his wife against his own family which is so rare these days. His family, specifically the women, are awful toxic human beings that he needs to stay completely away from. They have no respect for him or his wife, go out of their way to bully and harass them, and are encouraging this toxic behavior as something funny. He needs to walk away from them and never speak to them again, talk to some of the men in his family, but pretend all the women are dead. Here was a fine example of how women can be so horrendous to each other, that 'sisterhood' doesn't exist.
We're gonna do this prank! OP - Don't, if you do I will kick you out *does prank anyway* *gets kicked out* *shocked pikachu face*
Sounds like Your family is stuffed up seriously this is so immature from all parties involved ! Have you All not got better things to do then be this stupid and immature
I believe he was absolutely 💯% right for excluding them from the wedding. Prank or not it was his wife's special day and they took that away from her and made it all about them. If you ask me, if I were him I would want me nor my wife to have any part of that family if they have to pull crap like that. They could have chosen a different occasion for their prank but her wedding day.... ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! SHAME ON THOSE WOMEN INCLUDING HIS MOTHER FOR RUINING HER SON'S AND HIS WIFE'S SPECIAL DAY!!!
Some people enjoy hurting others which is what may be happening here. The mom & granny are probably miserable, vindictive & possibly ruthless people whom should be avoided. Thank goodness the groom doesn’t take after his mom or granny. We need more good, caring, considerate people such as him. To the new bride - ignore all the people who find this behavior acceptable, they aren’t worth a single thought! Be happy that you got a good guy!!
The men in the family need to “stand” together and tell their wife’s that this is over! Besides the authors mom and grandmother weren’t the other women upset when things happened to them? I understand why they “joined” the group afterwards, because they didn’t want the BULLYING to continue to them. Those women need to stand up, apologize to everyone and end this. Of course mom & granny won’t apologize because they think they are right. But they aren’t & they aren’t just bullies!
NTA. This certainly is not a family anyone should want to get married in. But OP should have handled this more clever. It already was known the other women agreed to wear white on the wedding. OP and wife-to-be should have made last minute arrangements and change the color of the dress, like indecent red. When all the other women showed up in white dresses, the bride turned up in red. Check mate, dude!
I wonder what they would have done if the bride came down the aisle with a vibrant colored ball gown. Would that have been playing to them too much?
They successfully ruined her wedding day. All these women tried coming to her wedding wearing white. To hurt her. Thats beyond upsetting and cruel. I want to cry for this man's wife. These women probably love Christmas parties. Ruin their Christmas party every year.
Ugh the white dress thing is so painfully stupid as f**k and a laughable waste of money
I am happy to hear that you were there for your new wife, and put her before your family, all the women in your family have have low self-esteem about themselves that's why they pulled this so called prank. We need more men like you who puts his wife before his family and stand's up for his wife from BULLIES like your family, can't imagine your mother was also in this as well , shame on your mother
Wow what a assho$le move if you loved your men you should treat them with respect goes both ways if you love someone it shouldn't matter to anyone especially your mom or aunts or anyone in ur family that's the one u picked if they are not happy who cares just remember at night you go to bed with ur wife not ur aunt's n mom or any woman in ur family if they don't respect you they don't respect themselves and if I had a daughter no matter poor or not I wouldn't let her marry into your family ... Smh
It is almost like these women initiate the latest female into the family cult. The upper echelon females are letting the newest females know who is in control and are not to be messed with.
just a bunch of bullies. nothing funny at all about the scene. it's disgraceful, toxic and outright awful. they remind me of gangsters who put new members into some sort of test. urghh I am glad OP, his wife, his dad and brother are sensible and didn't give in to the ridiculous tradition. the women are horrible.
NTA. These women are a group of bullies trying to exert power and control over other family members’ lives. It is toxic, destructive, and straight up mean. The only judgement needed is yours and you chose her. Period. End of story. Using the word “decent” is a disguise for “worthy” which in this case means able to be subjugated by this gang. OP - Keep setting your boundaries and sticking to them. Your wife is lucky to have a partner who will break this vicious cycle. If you choose to have children, they will be set up well with your example.
This is just sick most people love a little ribbing but to go on social media then show up too the wedding in white..your better off without such toixcity in your life
Hideous behaviour! If this is matriarchy then it's as damaging as the worst aspects of patriarchy. Quite simply the newly wed couple is way better off out of it..
NTA. Thug vs thug. They chose to be thugs and get treated like it. Plain and simple. I wish they wouldn't whine about it like this, it taints the thug-ishness and turns into bitchiness.
My God those women all sound like inbred yahoos from a Kentucky backwater. That's not just toxic - they are mentally unstable, and every woman who joins the family is treated (read: brainwashed) to think and behave like they do. Do not walk - RUN as far away as you can, and take your lovely wife with you. (and don't leave a forwarding address!) I wouldn't let any of those hideous bullies anywhere near my wife or my future children.
I would put it this way to your mother. Assuming you and your wife intend on having kids and possibly a little girl. U do not want that toxicity near her. So your mom will have to change if she wants to be a grandma
This is called being passive aggressive. In this case, very low on the passive part and high on the aggressive. It's like frats and sororities. You get hazed and you hate it but revel in hazing the newbies in later years. It's sick.
What a great man. If I were in this situation I would've worn a black dress (lol, just a joke) but seriously, that is a toxic toxic woman group
Your wife has a great husband Continue to support and stand behind her And your marriage will thrive This comes from a woman In Her Shoes Only he didn't have my back He thought it was funny too
Good job protecting your wife!!!! Just because someone is family doesn't mean they deserve to be in your life.
They're "testing" to see if new woman is "capable being part of their family". And how exactly they decide? It's toxic and weird behaviour. Then they ruin whole wedding, trying to excuse bullying as "test" or "prank". What the actual f*ck.
The cousin who lied about the reason why, saying it was because she couldn't handle another woman there, just blew my mind. What is wrong with them? Also do the men entering the family have to go through the same thing? Ridiculous.
Wow, what a toxic family you have. So happy that you haven't followed their foot steps and stood up for your wife. I would personally cut off all contact until they can act like respectful adults and not the bullies they are. They are not just playing or teasing. They are purposely trying to cause trouble and taking glee in the hurt they cause. It's completely f****d up.
That's a twisted bunch of petty control freaks right there. They owe their hosts apologies for using their invitations to play mind games instead of respecting this couple's wedding day. It's alarming that the groom might think HTA: someone must have done quite a number on his mind. Hooray for Dad standing by them.
Knowing that beforehand I would have brought a water gun filled with juice or washable paint and sprayed all those white-dresses ladies the moment they entered the church. Sure, you can stay but you're going to spend the whole day in a stained dress... And everyone would have asked them the reason, they would have told "i was sprayed blah blah blah" and everyone would probably have thought (or told them out loud) "well, didn't you know you don't wear white at a wedding?"...
NTA They use bullying and make up an excuse by saying they are making sure she's family material?? Isn't that his job. He chose his spouse and whether they think she's not family material has nothing to do with it. I recall early in my relationship with my husband, I overheard his sisters talking about me. I heard them make fun of my makeup. It really hurt my feelings and I felt humiliated. (Later I told my husband who talked to them.) I guess I passed the test because today, 12 years later am included in the family. It's sad to hear about how hurt this bride must have felt. I'm glad he stood up for her.
Were any of these hazing-mad women ever in the military? Was somebody so traumatized by crossing the line during Navy service that they had to bring the behavior home and instill it into the whole damn family?
How funny they think is his wife to be a softy because she can’t take it when is him that doesn’t want to take it.
As much as I have full understanding for his reaction not once he mentioned what his wife (to be) felt about it which is at least, weird I'd say
honestly the OP did the right thing it was his wedding and he didnt want their toxic behavior to b present so he did the one thing he knew would work to not have toxicity at his wedding. make them leave simple as that. if anyone wore white to my wedding i wouldve been hurt. id b ok with it if it was a white base color but had color and was simple. i had a friend with a white dress that had glittery blue stripes on it and i had no issues with that bc it was pure white it was also a sleek simple dress so no problem. even silver or gold would b fine with me but not pure white. another thing, bullying women coming into the family is wrong. the occassional light teasing or questioning is fine thats normal but they flat out bully. my husbands family did a bit of teasing but it wasnt hurtful or bullying it was more of a welcoming kind of teasing and was funny. his grandpa probably teased the most but it was in a loving way. i think bc of it i got to understand his family better and its y i get along with them so well. there is also 2 types of questioning: theres questioning in moderation over time so the new woman or man in question doesnt get overwhelmed and then theres flat out interrogation. my dad, brother in law and 1 of my uncles pretended to do the interrogation to my husband but immediately said "just kidding u dont need to answer all those questions" or something similar. for my dad he actually did and i it made my dad impressed that he remembered each question even tho it was like 10 one after the other. his family asked me things over time its possible he told them i have anxeity beforehand but i doubt it bc one of his uncles was like a kid on christmas and wanted to kno all about me. he was so nice and cheery that i didnt mind tho. wat me and my husband went thru with meeting each others families is how it should b not this toxic mess. u should want ur significant other to meet ur family and b excited about it. my heart goes out to the OP for standing up for his wife and laying ground rules to keep the toxicity away from his wife. every family has their way of welcoming a new member but this shouldve never happened in the first place.
My brother-in-law walked down the aisle at my wedding with a button on his lapel cheering his university to beat my university that day in football. I thought it was tacky, selfish, and rude, but I was so afraid of being a “bridezilla” that I told him it wasn’t cool without insisting he take it off. 12 years later and I’m still mad. For context, my BIL was 37 years old at the time and I was 28; we weren’t still attending university at the time of my wedding,
This would have been far better handled if he had brought his wife in on the game, had her choose a different color of wedding dress and then have expound on how the white wedding dress is a false indicator of the pureness of the person wearing it. This would have shown the true colors of the bitch clan.
YTA for making up such a misogynistic story. People do not act like that. If this were somehow true, we're talking about sadist-sociopaths and the wife is in danger because the only way to top that prank is to get physical. However, this is just incel fantasy fiction.
I'm surprised no one has mentioned the inherent sexism in this. I have a suspicion that the women in this family are the ones who wear the pants.
They caused the scene, not him. Good on OP for supporting his new wife
Well, they were hoping that he'd avoid the scene by giving in to the bullying... so they "didn't want a scene", as they wanted to get their way instead.
Load More Replies... What the heck is wrong with people. Not even close to an appropriate place to prank someone..are people getting dumber??
It's the blessing of social media where you can safely shed the thin layer of decency, humanity and civilisation and show your true colors of a beligerent, trashy harpy without any consequences.
Load More Replies... Pranks are only funny if the prankee is going to find it funny too.
Agreed. Short little surprise and then the prankee joins in the laughter. The b*tches kept saying it was a test. So it really wasn't a prank at all.
Load More Replies... Rule #1 in the Abusers Playbook: "It was a JOKE! Can't you take a joke??"
"If we didn't like you, we wouldn't give you s***". That's another one. Generally when a group of males is involved.
Load More Replies... I am so glad the OP stuck up for his wife. I've read so many stories and seen first hand guys allow their partner to be bullied and disrespected. Good for him for being mature, supporting his wife and not leaving it to her to resolve an issue with his family. The women sound very mean, toxic and immature. An awful situation but a good moment to have broken free from them.
@Bear42212 They did that to upset her and bully her. If you think any part of this is acceptable, you shouldn't have a partner. Letting your partner endure bullshit like this is toxic and spineless and if you can't recognize that you clearly don't know how to treat a significant other
Load More Replies... Wow you need a new family! When anyone in my family gets a new partner (including my sons) I will always be welcoming and polite even if I didn't like them. To judge someone's partner is judging their taste and decision making therefore if you care and respect someone you will accept their partner with open arms If the new partner lacks confidence you should try to build them up not break them down.
Agreed, I would hate to be a part of this family.
Load More Replies... This sounds very 'Mean Girls' and there are OLD WOMEN in the groom's family acting like little girls. Everyone involved deservers a right hook to the face
Right? I was shocked to find out that his Mother and Grandmother took part. How immature. This bride deserved better.
Load More Replies... "We want to see if your fiancé is as toxic as we are before we'll accept her." What a bunch of (insert profanity here)!
They chose the wedding day to 'test' her. If it truly was a test could they not find a better day to cause a scene. It was the bride and grooms day and they wanted the spotlight.
Right? Nobody asked them to test new women in the family. Their family member found a woman who they want to spend his life with her. Who are they to question his choice. I think the test showed that they don't need those toxic women in their lives!
Load More Replies... I shudder to think what they do with every family pregnancy. Wear those fake pregnancy bellies that are wired to replicate contractions? No, they’re toxic assholes who need to be cut out of your lives until they can become human beings again. If they ever do, or even can. Sorry.
He needs to cut off contact with everyone who was involved in this s**t. Maybe his SIL who he says used to be nice but has adopted the ways of the other women will realise she doesn't have to join in to be welcomed if he, his brother, and his father all act together and she can rejoin the human race. If any of the rest of the women decide to do the same they can slowly expand the ranks of not batshit insane family members.
NTA. This is abuse. Sounds like straight out of a horror movie. Never speak to them again. They need to understand how f****d up they are. They are traumatizing and torturing these women on purpose. There is absolutely nothing funny about this. This is so messed up words alone can not describe how shocked I am. And how angry.
How can they say that the bride was responsible for the scene when the groom told them upfront that they'd be kicked out if they tried it? They should be the ones to go before the bride and groom and apologize. Good for you for standing up for your wife and kudos to your father for putting his foot down as well.
"The unit" is called a "posse of bullies". If you have to endure that hazing to be family, then you're not family ----- you're in a gang/cult. He did right, good on him. It is not okay to treat people like that and then only grant acceptance if they act the same way. No.
Thank GOD he stood up for his wife. I read too many stories where the husband/boyfriend is pushed around and walked over by his mother and the wife/girlfriend is left trying to battle an attack from all sides before being dismissed as a "crazy hag he's better off without". If there were more men in the world like him I think there would be fewer mean mother-in-law stories out there.
I usually read these types of posts and roll my eyes, but, yeah, boot them. This is not the time or place for a "prank". If you don't know why, not worth the time to explain.
That poor couple! Growing up in such a toxic situation. “Decent” women don’t seem to be in that family?!
Their definition of "decent" women is based on the willingness to put up with abuse and then become abusive. Their excuse that they're looking out for the men is gaslighting. Basically, they want to act like assholes and pulled that excuse out of their asses.
Load More Replies... Good grief, what a toxic family. Who would DO such a horrible thing - pranking someone's wedding so badly?? They have established a tradition of hazing - in a family environment. Truly disgustind and disturbing behaviour. The poster did a good job fo standing up for him and hiw wife. Definitely NTA!
I've periodically had to put people in line by not speaking to them when they behave like this. Just ignore them for a few months, watch how the manners improve. Like, completely block on all communications platforms.
If the manners don't improve, that's still a few months of peace and quiet.
Load More Replies... So... he knew about the prank and told them beforehand he would sent them home if they really did that, and now they are complaining that he did exactly as he said? That bafles me. Apaprt from the bullying part. Sounds like a bunch of sociopaths.
Because yeah, a wedding is the perfect, most socially accepted time to pull a "prank". /s. These women must be faultless saints, thinking they're fit to judge if another woman is worthy of joining the family. What a bunch of nasty, childish women. They should be ashamed of their behavior.
One of the comments said it's a family, not a sorority--excellent point. Nobody has the right to gate-keep who's going to enter the family! It's up to every individual to choose their spouse, not up to the whole family to vote! (Depending on culture... This story doesn't take place in an arranged marriage culture.) I love how he stood up for her and I hope the women all rethink their behavior.
They were warned and they chose to ignore the warning. Let them exclude him, he has a new wife and he can celebrate with her family. It's their loss and they should be ashamed of themselves, they sound like petty, and mean women.
This sounds almost like the plot of the movie, "Ready or Not". Toxic family to be sure. Limit your wife's exposure to these "mean girls" and start your own family with healthy, supportive values.
And, what happens if they deem her not acceptable to join the family? Do they then 'force' the man to drop her? Do they cut ties with the 'man' because he has an unacceptable partner? Or do they just make it their mission to make her life miserable? Good for this guy for standing up for his wife! If I were him, I would deem the family's participating women unacceptable to be part of his family...forever. They have proven over time they do not warrant a second chance. Too late, had their chance, muffed it. Second note, I disagree with his comment 'kind of toxic'. There is no 'kind of' here. They are toxic.
Wow. Your wedding day is not a day to be the recipient of "pranks"
Well, that just feels gross. What is wrong with them? How is torturing someone's spouse looking out for the men of the family? Causing issues like that. What is the reaction they want? Someone who is willing to be beaten down and harassed by their in-laws for the rest of time? No thank you.
I suspect that they would continue harassing the wife until a new target came along.
Load More Replies... Time for very firm boundaries including social media and phone number blocks. This bully behavior has consequences and it appears no one in your family who is uncomfortable with it is willing to stand up and hold them accountable with consequences. Is grandma single or divorced? There's a reason and I bet this bullying is her bitterness keeping people away. Toxic to the max and sociopathic. All those women are no longer part of your family. Period! Good on you sticking by your wife and good on your dad. Get close with your in-laws. Those will be the true grandparents to your children. Mom lost out with this behavior, that's her consequence.
The women in his family really suck. Especially whoever started this terrible idea of a “tradition”. I don’t see why he thought he needed to ask folks on the interwebs after he had his dad’s and brother’s support. That’d be enough for me.
I dunno. Sometimes my husband and I talk about how many assholes we have in our family, then and we look at each other and say, “What if we’re the assholes?” It’s good to check with a disinterested third party.
Load More Replies... The family have the blaim. I know it's all in good fun etc, but when they start to react negative and act as if they were the victim? Hell no. I also think it's great he watch his wife don't get hurt.
NTA. They are toxic bullies, and they are bullying new family members unmercifully then pressuring them into joining in the toxic bullying themselves - with the unspoken threat of being the target again if they resist. It is a horrible family culture, and it's something you shouldn't expect your wife (or sisters, or daughters, or sisters-in-law) to have to tolerate. I suggest you identify which members of your family you actually like, and who aren't toxic, and make an effort to build separate relationships with them, and cut contact with anyone who is abusive. You don't have to let the toxic ones dictate all family involvement. Organise your own meetups with the nontoxic ones.
The wedding was going to be ruined for someone; these women made sure of that. They just hadn't thought through the fact that it might be them and not the actual bride. Good on the groom for putting his foot down - the longer this goes on, the more likely it is to go on to physical harm instead of just emotional harm that they can later gaslight the newcomers about.
Do they test new men in this family? No, of course not, because men don't have to "earn" a place in your family do they? This tradition seems to be born off of internalized misogyny and the notion that if anyone will be the untrustworthy one, it will be the woman. After growing up around this, I applaud you for knowing the difference between harmless pranks and toxic behavior. They intentionally wanted to upset your wife and ruin a day that's meant to be here and the women "joining" after enduring bullying is a form of manipulation for them to feel validated in the family. It's really such a relieving thing that you stood up for your wife so adamantly because not many husbands stand of to their precious mothers. You 100% did the right thing
Let me see if I've got this straight. They set out to cause their family's significant others pain to see if they can trust them to bully future family members' significant others... To find out if they're decent people?!? I'm not sure I can wrap my logic into that kind of labrythine pretzel formation.
At least you do not have to divide holidays. Because neither of you need to be exposed to their hostile choices. Holidays spent with her family or new traditions that the two of you create together. May your lives be filled with many blessings from the people you chose to have in your life.
I would move far away and shun them all. Make my own family with friends. I am "aunt" to a lot of my friend's kids, who are all adults now.
They are bullies and teaching the new women coming in that if they want to be part of the family they have to learn to bully also. Retired teacher here. Bullies should never be allowed to give an excuse. It is not their point of view that matters. What matters is how the victim felt. Period. Whatever they had to say did not matter. They bullied their son's new wife on their wedding day. Completely unforgivable.
Another former teacher here and I've never heard a bully who didn't claim the mistreatment was a joke.
Load More Replies... Just to play safe,if I was bride I'd announce knowing this that wedding and bride will be in blue, or brown and then go for something completely different. Or get couple of cheaper dresses in different colors and beat them on their own "joke". Or wear suit... But no, that so called prank is not ok, pretty sick they do that for years.
What!? everyone knows conspiring to pull of a prank is best done on a bride's wedding day! (*sarcasm)
A "prank" is a mean trick played on another person. ANy time someone tries the excuse "It's just a JOke! Lighten UPppppp." you know they're a bully. NTA.
… “Looking out for”…? “Test”? “Prank”? Bullying and being blatant aśśholes, is surely what they mean. How is shìtty, nasty, backstabbing aśśholery anything but total disrespect? These people be crazy.
NTA but a good husband who stands up for the most important woman in his life
Do these women realize they are not in middle school anymore. This is teasing, tests or protecting their men. Those are just excuses for being mean girls. Stick to your guns. The crazy needs to stop
Thank you! For being so awesome for your wife and not letting her deal with this s**t. Toxic behaviour has to be stopped so congrats on being the one to stand up for what is right. No good hearted human being would ever try to humiliate and upset a bride on what’s supposed to be her happiest day. There were a million ways you could have handled this, some ok-ish, some shittier, but you, you chose the best possible way to handle it, even if it meant it was probably the hardest one for you! You rock!
A wedding is something people have planned and paid a lot of money for and is hardly the place to play a prank. You want to prank somebody, wait for Halloween. But the mother and grandmother sounds like women I know. They've actually grown in a pack and are more emboldened now because nobody ever stood up to them. Good on the groom for supporting his wife and standing up to them.
It wasn't a test for her, it was a test for you to see who you were going to be more loyal to, her or them. Good for you for standing up for your wife and not giving in. Now they know they can't push you around.
NTA. All the women sound toxically entitled. I would completely no contact until every one of them apologized. They were warned, did it anyway, suffered the consequences, and are now victim blaming! Cutting them out of his life until they apologize is no loss. It's actually a benefit because they won't be able to harass his wife and cause marital problems.
I don't understand why people do things to hurt others especially on someone's wedding day. There are 365 days in a year, surely one could take one single day and aim to be a decent person by being there and supportive or staying away all together. 1 day!
The only thing they "test" with these pranks is how much abuse they can lay on any new woman entering the family. Seriously, get out of that group. You don't want your wife to be exposed to that malice, and you probably also don't want your possible future daughters to turn into THAT. Also, kudos to the groom! In other stories where MIL bullies her (future) DIL I always ask myself "Where tf is the groom? Why isn't he doing something?" Thank you for proving that there are good decent men out there still.
He didn't mention how disrespected HE was; a grown man needed the "permission" of the women in his family before he could marry? Not capable of choosing a kind and loving wife? In spite of how he was raised. If they like pranks, he can tell them he forgives them when they crawl on hands and knees up his front walk to apologize to his wife.
Wow. The worst day in the world to play tricks on someone on their wedding day. Complete and total A..holes.
All he should do now, is to send each of the women either the link (or hard copy) of this BP article, with the BP comment section. No one has supported them and they should see themselves through the eyes of a much larger community like this.
Poisonous people. Cut them off completely. If their husbands wimp out on calling out their sick, toxic behavior, they’re gone too. Family is the people you love and care for who love and look after you too. You and your wife will create your own kind, thoughtful family, and these abusive women and their enablers will not be a part of it.
He made it perfectly clear what the consequences of their "prank" would be and they did it anyway. He followed through on his promise and now they're mad at him for doing something he told them not to do? Those women are beyond bullies, they're toxic bitches. I applaud this guy for sticking to his guns and, more importantly, letting his bride know that she could count on him to be supportive and a man of his word. I sincerely hope he posts this on social media so these gals can see what the rest of the world thinks of their behavior.
I lost my Mom at any early age. I would have welcomed the prospect (in later years) of a new maternal influence in my life. "Mom" and "Grandma" have blown any chance of having a close relationship with their new DIL and possible grandkids. I would never trust them on anything ever again if they had taken such an action on my wedding day, giggled behind their hands about a prank, then berated my new husband for standing up for ME. BTW...did they show you the dresses they had brought to change in to? I'd have like to have seen THAT!
if there was ever a time where being a "bridezilla" was acceptable it would be when someone else wears a white dress to the wedding
I'm thinking if they really wanted to test her mettle, they should have challenged her to a duel. Foil, epee, scimitars... choose your weapon..
If as a bride I'd heard that I migth just have worn red. However I did ask folk to avoid wearing purple at my do. I wouldn't have kicked anyone out for it though but I had sole charge of the guest list... Those nasy aunts & cousins would never have made the cut.
No, you are NOT the A; you are the hero. You passed, with flying colors, what an old friend used to call The Schmuck Test. There would have been no excuse for letting a bunch of arrested-development cases--nasty women who should have outgrown their mean-girl phase in high school--ruin your wife's wedding. On your part, simply playig neutral would have been as bad as participating. Active defense was required and that's what you gave. Letting your wife down on Day One--is that a way to start a marriage? You were man enough to know your duty, so kudos to you. (And you warned those harpies, so they've got no kick coming.) And what I say here applies to all hazing rituals--they are cruel and dehumanizing.
What terrible examples of women. They pretend their bullying is 'teasing' and when they finally accept the new lady into the family, she'd be so thrilled to now being looked on favourably that she'd be scared to upset them and be 'teased' again. Thus she joins in with the hazing, and so the cult grows. The OP is 100% in the right, and I can't honestly see what value any of those toxic vultures bring to his and his new wife's lives. Leave them where they are. It's their loss.
Stay away from them. If you want to see your brother and/or your father, have an activity with them (fishing, football, golf) and then they can stop by your house, on their way home, and see your wife (and kids). Personally, I wouldn't let your kids anywhere near those women.
These women pulled a very mean and demeaning “prank” on this couple who were meant to be celebrating what should’ve been the happiest day of their lives! It’s heartbreaking to hear what this couple has been through, but so amazing how this man has stood up for his wife. They were warned. Turns out THOSE FEMALE RELATIVES WERE THE BRIDEZILLAS!!!
This man is amazing. Where are more like him? He stood up for his wife against his own family which is so rare these days. His family, specifically the women, are awful toxic human beings that he needs to stay completely away from. They have no respect for him or his wife, go out of their way to bully and harass them, and are encouraging this toxic behavior as something funny. He needs to walk away from them and never speak to them again, talk to some of the men in his family, but pretend all the women are dead. Here was a fine example of how women can be so horrendous to each other, that 'sisterhood' doesn't exist.
We're gonna do this prank! OP - Don't, if you do I will kick you out *does prank anyway* *gets kicked out* *shocked pikachu face*
Sounds like Your family is stuffed up seriously this is so immature from all parties involved ! Have you All not got better things to do then be this stupid and immature
I believe he was absolutely 💯% right for excluding them from the wedding. Prank or not it was his wife's special day and they took that away from her and made it all about them. If you ask me, if I were him I would want me nor my wife to have any part of that family if they have to pull crap like that. They could have chosen a different occasion for their prank but her wedding day.... ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! SHAME ON THOSE WOMEN INCLUDING HIS MOTHER FOR RUINING HER SON'S AND HIS WIFE'S SPECIAL DAY!!!
Some people enjoy hurting others which is what may be happening here. The mom & granny are probably miserable, vindictive & possibly ruthless people whom should be avoided. Thank goodness the groom doesn’t take after his mom or granny. We need more good, caring, considerate people such as him. To the new bride - ignore all the people who find this behavior acceptable, they aren’t worth a single thought! Be happy that you got a good guy!!
The men in the family need to “stand” together and tell their wife’s that this is over! Besides the authors mom and grandmother weren’t the other women upset when things happened to them? I understand why they “joined” the group afterwards, because they didn’t want the BULLYING to continue to them. Those women need to stand up, apologize to everyone and end this. Of course mom & granny won’t apologize because they think they are right. But they aren’t & they aren’t just bullies!
NTA. This certainly is not a family anyone should want to get married in. But OP should have handled this more clever. It already was known the other women agreed to wear white on the wedding. OP and wife-to-be should have made last minute arrangements and change the color of the dress, like indecent red. When all the other women showed up in white dresses, the bride turned up in red. Check mate, dude!
I wonder what they would have done if the bride came down the aisle with a vibrant colored ball gown. Would that have been playing to them too much?
They successfully ruined her wedding day. All these women tried coming to her wedding wearing white. To hurt her. Thats beyond upsetting and cruel. I want to cry for this man's wife. These women probably love Christmas parties. Ruin their Christmas party every year.
Ugh the white dress thing is so painfully stupid as f**k and a laughable waste of money
I am happy to hear that you were there for your new wife, and put her before your family, all the women in your family have have low self-esteem about themselves that's why they pulled this so called prank. We need more men like you who puts his wife before his family and stand's up for his wife from BULLIES like your family, can't imagine your mother was also in this as well , shame on your mother
Wow what a assho$le move if you loved your men you should treat them with respect goes both ways if you love someone it shouldn't matter to anyone especially your mom or aunts or anyone in ur family that's the one u picked if they are not happy who cares just remember at night you go to bed with ur wife not ur aunt's n mom or any woman in ur family if they don't respect you they don't respect themselves and if I had a daughter no matter poor or not I wouldn't let her marry into your family ... Smh
It is almost like these women initiate the latest female into the family cult. The upper echelon females are letting the newest females know who is in control and are not to be messed with.
just a bunch of bullies. nothing funny at all about the scene. it's disgraceful, toxic and outright awful. they remind me of gangsters who put new members into some sort of test. urghh I am glad OP, his wife, his dad and brother are sensible and didn't give in to the ridiculous tradition. the women are horrible.
NTA. These women are a group of bullies trying to exert power and control over other family members’ lives. It is toxic, destructive, and straight up mean. The only judgement needed is yours and you chose her. Period. End of story. Using the word “decent” is a disguise for “worthy” which in this case means able to be subjugated by this gang. OP - Keep setting your boundaries and sticking to them. Your wife is lucky to have a partner who will break this vicious cycle. If you choose to have children, they will be set up well with your example.
This is just sick most people love a little ribbing but to go on social media then show up too the wedding in white..your better off without such toixcity in your life
Hideous behaviour! If this is matriarchy then it's as damaging as the worst aspects of patriarchy. Quite simply the newly wed couple is way better off out of it..
NTA. Thug vs thug. They chose to be thugs and get treated like it. Plain and simple. I wish they wouldn't whine about it like this, it taints the thug-ishness and turns into bitchiness.
My God those women all sound like inbred yahoos from a Kentucky backwater. That's not just toxic - they are mentally unstable, and every woman who joins the family is treated (read: brainwashed) to think and behave like they do. Do not walk - RUN as far away as you can, and take your lovely wife with you. (and don't leave a forwarding address!) I wouldn't let any of those hideous bullies anywhere near my wife or my future children.
I would put it this way to your mother. Assuming you and your wife intend on having kids and possibly a little girl. U do not want that toxicity near her. So your mom will have to change if she wants to be a grandma
This is called being passive aggressive. In this case, very low on the passive part and high on the aggressive. It's like frats and sororities. You get hazed and you hate it but revel in hazing the newbies in later years. It's sick.
What a great man. If I were in this situation I would've worn a black dress (lol, just a joke) but seriously, that is a toxic toxic woman group
Your wife has a great husband Continue to support and stand behind her And your marriage will thrive This comes from a woman In Her Shoes Only he didn't have my back He thought it was funny too
Good job protecting your wife!!!! Just because someone is family doesn't mean they deserve to be in your life.
They're "testing" to see if new woman is "capable being part of their family". And how exactly they decide? It's toxic and weird behaviour. Then they ruin whole wedding, trying to excuse bullying as "test" or "prank". What the actual f*ck.
The cousin who lied about the reason why, saying it was because she couldn't handle another woman there, just blew my mind. What is wrong with them? Also do the men entering the family have to go through the same thing? Ridiculous.
Wow, what a toxic family you have. So happy that you haven't followed their foot steps and stood up for your wife. I would personally cut off all contact until they can act like respectful adults and not the bullies they are. They are not just playing or teasing. They are purposely trying to cause trouble and taking glee in the hurt they cause. It's completely f****d up.
That's a twisted bunch of petty control freaks right there. They owe their hosts apologies for using their invitations to play mind games instead of respecting this couple's wedding day. It's alarming that the groom might think HTA: someone must have done quite a number on his mind. Hooray for Dad standing by them.
Knowing that beforehand I would have brought a water gun filled with juice or washable paint and sprayed all those white-dresses ladies the moment they entered the church. Sure, you can stay but you're going to spend the whole day in a stained dress... And everyone would have asked them the reason, they would have told "i was sprayed blah blah blah" and everyone would probably have thought (or told them out loud) "well, didn't you know you don't wear white at a wedding?"...
NTA They use bullying and make up an excuse by saying they are making sure she's family material?? Isn't that his job. He chose his spouse and whether they think she's not family material has nothing to do with it. I recall early in my relationship with my husband, I overheard his sisters talking about me. I heard them make fun of my makeup. It really hurt my feelings and I felt humiliated. (Later I told my husband who talked to them.) I guess I passed the test because today, 12 years later am included in the family. It's sad to hear about how hurt this bride must have felt. I'm glad he stood up for her.
Were any of these hazing-mad women ever in the military? Was somebody so traumatized by crossing the line during Navy service that they had to bring the behavior home and instill it into the whole damn family?
How funny they think is his wife to be a softy because she can’t take it when is him that doesn’t want to take it.
As much as I have full understanding for his reaction not once he mentioned what his wife (to be) felt about it which is at least, weird I'd say
honestly the OP did the right thing it was his wedding and he didnt want their toxic behavior to b present so he did the one thing he knew would work to not have toxicity at his wedding. make them leave simple as that. if anyone wore white to my wedding i wouldve been hurt. id b ok with it if it was a white base color but had color and was simple. i had a friend with a white dress that had glittery blue stripes on it and i had no issues with that bc it was pure white it was also a sleek simple dress so no problem. even silver or gold would b fine with me but not pure white. another thing, bullying women coming into the family is wrong. the occassional light teasing or questioning is fine thats normal but they flat out bully. my husbands family did a bit of teasing but it wasnt hurtful or bullying it was more of a welcoming kind of teasing and was funny. his grandpa probably teased the most but it was in a loving way. i think bc of it i got to understand his family better and its y i get along with them so well. there is also 2 types of questioning: theres questioning in moderation over time so the new woman or man in question doesnt get overwhelmed and then theres flat out interrogation. my dad, brother in law and 1 of my uncles pretended to do the interrogation to my husband but immediately said "just kidding u dont need to answer all those questions" or something similar. for my dad he actually did and i it made my dad impressed that he remembered each question even tho it was like 10 one after the other. his family asked me things over time its possible he told them i have anxeity beforehand but i doubt it bc one of his uncles was like a kid on christmas and wanted to kno all about me. he was so nice and cheery that i didnt mind tho. wat me and my husband went thru with meeting each others families is how it should b not this toxic mess. u should want ur significant other to meet ur family and b excited about it. my heart goes out to the OP for standing up for his wife and laying ground rules to keep the toxicity away from his wife. every family has their way of welcoming a new member but this shouldve never happened in the first place.
My brother-in-law walked down the aisle at my wedding with a button on his lapel cheering his university to beat my university that day in football. I thought it was tacky, selfish, and rude, but I was so afraid of being a “bridezilla” that I told him it wasn’t cool without insisting he take it off. 12 years later and I’m still mad. For context, my BIL was 37 years old at the time and I was 28; we weren’t still attending university at the time of my wedding,
This would have been far better handled if he had brought his wife in on the game, had her choose a different color of wedding dress and then have expound on how the white wedding dress is a false indicator of the pureness of the person wearing it. This would have shown the true colors of the bitch clan.
YTA for making up such a misogynistic story. People do not act like that. If this were somehow true, we're talking about sadist-sociopaths and the wife is in danger because the only way to top that prank is to get physical. However, this is just incel fantasy fiction.
I'm surprised no one has mentioned the inherent sexism in this. I have a suspicion that the women in this family are the ones who wear the pants.
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