Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser
BoredPanda Add Post

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

Unsupportive Mom Upset After Her Deaf Daughter Decides To Hold Her Wedding Ceremony In Sign Language
177points
11K
People, Relationships

Unsupportive Mom Upset After Her Deaf Daughter Decides To Hold Her Wedding Ceremony In Sign Language

Planning, and consequently executing, a wedding is hard enough as it is without anyone trying to prod their requests, preferences, and opinions nobody asked for.

An Am I The A-Hole? story popped up some time ago about a deaf bride who was organizing a wedding for mostly deaf guests and hence decided to hold the ceremony in sign language. Well, her mostly not so deaf mother had something to say about that.

More Info: Reddit

Weddings are stressful already without someone imposing demands on how things ‘ought to be’

Image credits: Virginia State Parks (not the actual photo)

So, Reddit user u/Academic-Nose-9239, who identified herself as a 24-year-old female, is deaf. Since childhood, she got bilateral cochlear implants and was forced to attend what she called a mainstream school, never being taught sign language, nor being introduced or immersed into deaf culture.

Despite her parents not wanting her to embrace her unavoidable condition, she still ended up learning ASL and got accepted into a deaf university, allowing her to feel more in her element. She even met her now husband there. And it turned out he’s from a very large family of deaf people, who OP loves dearly.

A deaf woman turned to the AITA community on Reddit, asking if she was wrong to plan her own wedding in sign language, despite her mom’s protests

Image credits: Academic-Nose-9239

All was fine and dandy until they got to the wedding part of their lives. Since many of the guests were deaf, and it was more comfortable for her being without a hearing aid, it was decided to switch it up a bit and have the ceremony be held in sign language, with interpretation into English for the minority “signing impaired” as the invitation jokingly stated.

But, as soon as OP’s mother got the invite, she started furiously texting her, attempting to convince her to switch to English and have ASL be the language that’s interpreted. Her argument was that this is America and so the primary language should be English, and also everyone who “doesn’t choose to ‘get cured’ (get an implant)” should be the ones getting the translation.

Image credits: Academic-Nose-9239

Oh, and she also got offended by the ‘signing impaired’. The irony flew right over her head. Throughout the conversation, the mom kept on saying that she should have never let OP go to that school.

So, she passed the question on to the internet arbitrators on Reddit. At some point, she also made some edits to her post, clarifying certain things like her parents never even trying to learn ASL, the joke in the invitation, how she was not in fact indoctrinated, and whatnot.

Image credits: Academic-Nose-9239

Considering everything, people have ruled that she was not in the wrong to do what she did. While for some it was an easy ruling based on majority/minority numbers, others took the issue further and pointed that it’s her wedding, the mom should have already learned sign language by now, and this is besides how poorly the mom treated her daughter.

Image credits: Academic-Nose-9239

The post got quite a bit of attention, garnering over 21,300 upvotes and getting a lot of love from the Reddit community in the form of nearly 150 awards, engaging folks to a degree where there were over 3,000 comments in the comment section.

21k upvotes and 3k comments later, the community decided that OP isn’t the a-hole, but her mom is

You can check out the post as well as people’s reactions here, and you can check out more Am I The A-Hole? stories here. But before doing that, why not let us know your thoughts on this whole situation in the comment section below!

Share on Facebook
You May Like
Popular on Bored Panda
Share your thoughts
Nikki Sevven
Community Member
11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think their solution—have the ceremony in ASL and provide an interpreter—was a brilliant solution. Her parents should be ashamed for isolating her for her entire childhood and making her feel as if her deafness was repulsive.

J.Norton
Community Member
11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cecily Holland: No, not even close. If they were, in your words, wanted to give her an "easier" life, they would have given her a well rounded education, given her all the tools to communicate in both worlds, learnt ASL *themselves* and loved her unconditionally for all that she is and continues to be. They were/are aggressively making this about them, and that is a true shame.....

Load More Replies...
Imogene Cargeaux
Community Member
11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude it's bananas to me that your family didn't learn or atleast allow you to learn ASL. My best friends little brother is deaf, when he was born and the family found out, they all started learning immediately. Like THE WHOLE FAMILY! Before the baby could even hold his own head up, the family was already learning and since I was there all the time I wanted to learn too! Our whole friends group ended up learning (I'm not like, completely fluent! But I can hold a conversation and understand most of whatever is being signed) we had so much fun doing it! And it was great to watch Riley grow up not feeling so alone and different. He grew up not knowing that he was different, well besides the obvious but I mean he grew up understanding that it's "normal," it's okay and that it doesn't change how we all interact with him and how much we care about him. It breaks my heart that it took you until meeting your husband to finally have a family who sees u for who u are! Don't cave! It's YOUR day!

I I
Community Member
11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my daughter learnt it just in case she ever got a deaf child in her class , she has taught some 5 year olds a few words in it

Load More Replies...
K W
Community Member
11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The ableism aside I honestly will never understand parents who feel hugely entitled to dictate how their children's weddings are conducted. If my son ever gets married that will be a decision for him and whoever he marries. Op's wedding plans sound beautiful. And I just honestly don't understand how you wouldn't embrace who your kids are.

Load More Comments
Nikki Sevven
Community Member
11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think their solution—have the ceremony in ASL and provide an interpreter—was a brilliant solution. Her parents should be ashamed for isolating her for her entire childhood and making her feel as if her deafness was repulsive.

J.Norton
Community Member
11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cecily Holland: No, not even close. If they were, in your words, wanted to give her an "easier" life, they would have given her a well rounded education, given her all the tools to communicate in both worlds, learnt ASL *themselves* and loved her unconditionally for all that she is and continues to be. They were/are aggressively making this about them, and that is a true shame.....

Load More Replies...
Imogene Cargeaux
Community Member
11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude it's bananas to me that your family didn't learn or atleast allow you to learn ASL. My best friends little brother is deaf, when he was born and the family found out, they all started learning immediately. Like THE WHOLE FAMILY! Before the baby could even hold his own head up, the family was already learning and since I was there all the time I wanted to learn too! Our whole friends group ended up learning (I'm not like, completely fluent! But I can hold a conversation and understand most of whatever is being signed) we had so much fun doing it! And it was great to watch Riley grow up not feeling so alone and different. He grew up not knowing that he was different, well besides the obvious but I mean he grew up understanding that it's "normal," it's okay and that it doesn't change how we all interact with him and how much we care about him. It breaks my heart that it took you until meeting your husband to finally have a family who sees u for who u are! Don't cave! It's YOUR day!

I I
Community Member
11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my daughter learnt it just in case she ever got a deaf child in her class , she has taught some 5 year olds a few words in it

Load More Replies...
K W
Community Member
11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The ableism aside I honestly will never understand parents who feel hugely entitled to dictate how their children's weddings are conducted. If my son ever gets married that will be a decision for him and whoever he marries. Op's wedding plans sound beautiful. And I just honestly don't understand how you wouldn't embrace who your kids are.

Load More Comments
Popular on Bored Panda
Popular on Bored Panda
User Submissions
Also on Bored Panda
Also on Bored Panda