Teenage Son Makes Fun Of Less Wealthy Kids, Mom Takes Away His Expensive Clothes And Car To Teach Him A Lesson
Bullying still remains a serious issue to this day, despite the numerous social programs and campaigns that are pushing away the tide of abuse among children.
And while everyone is responsible for fostering an environment without bullying where kids are safe at school, it’s the parents that are often most responsible for dealing with the issue.
Which is exactly what this one mother did with her son who bullied those coming from families that aren’t that well off compared to his own.
More Info: Reddit
While bullying is a universal problems, it’s often the parents who end up trying to solve the issue
Image credits: alinafashionshop (not the actual photo)
Reddit user u/throwawayaghkuh shared a story of hers with the Am I The A-Hole community, asking just that: was she wrong for making her son give up his “signifiers” of wealth at school because he was poking fun at other kids for being less wealthy?
The story goes that the single mom (dad’s not really involved too much, but pays child support) one day found out from the school administration that her son was bullying others for being poor.
And this mom did, sharing her story of trying to teach her son a lesson about why it’s not cool to bully others
You see, she was well off, and there was child support on top of it, so the kid really had something to show in school regarding clothes and whatnot. So, to teach him a lesson, the mom decided she’d take it all away.
Instead of wearing designer brand clothes, he was now thrift shopping. Instead of being driven to school in the regular Porsche/Jaguar, he was now taken in a ’92 Jeep that had seen better days. Instead of being bought personal sports equipment, he was now supposed to use the club’s things. You get the idea.
All of this was to teach the kid that he is just lucky he was born into a well-off family, and making fun of someone who just happened to be less lucky is just plain mean.
Needless to say, the kid wasn’t happy about it. He lost his status among friends, so much in fact that the parents of his friends didn’t want their kids to enter the beat-up Jeep because of how supposedly unsafe it was. “It was embarrassing for him to pretend he’s poor,” explained the mom.
And the dissatisfaction didn’t end there, as word got around and suddenly the dad showed up, saying that the punishment was not fair because “impressions matter” and that will affect the rest of his life.
This is where she asked the internet to explain if she’s in the wrong here. And the general consensus was that she wasn’t wrong. While it was unclear how long the punishment lasted, people thought it was an appropriate way to punish the child all the while teaching him how it feels to be called poor.
Image credits: throwawayaghkuh
And the dissatisfaction didn’t end there, as word got around and suddenly the dad showed up, saying that the punishment was not fair because “impressions matter” and that will affect the rest of his life.
This is where she asked the internet to explain if she’s in the wrong here. And the general consensus was that she wasn’t wrong. While it was unclear how long the punishment lasted, people thought it was an appropriate way to punish the child all the while teaching him how it feels to be called poor.
The internet was of a general consensus that the mom did the right thing with her chosen punishment
The post received a modest, but significant amount of attention as AITA posts go, garnering over 11,000 upvotes with a good handful of Reddit awards—over 80.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you think her punishment was too harsh, not harsh enough, or just right? Let us know in the comment section below!
The woman isn't the A-hole, but the father is. Teaching your kid that it's pure chance that you get born into a wealthy family is very important. It's not your merit nor your accomplishment. The father shouldn't tell his son that outward appearance is of the essence. Although it may seem that you can buy friends, in reality you'll end up either very rich and very lonely or very poor and very lonely.
I was a little shocked by this, too. "Making an impression" with someone else's money is not something you want to teach a kid to do. If he wants to make an impression, he can quit acting like an entitled little toe rag and start behaving like a human. ...///... I'm wondering if the problem is the school he's in. Perhaps a transfer to a place that requires everyone wears the same uniform would help reinforce the lesson.
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agree... for someone who has a porshe, a jaguar and a jeep she has her feets on the ground and not acting like a Karen
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Short answer here is: HE is not rich, his parents are. If his parents were to cut him off (which the mother rightfully kind of is in a way) he is no longer rich. He should have to earn his precious riches. Make him get a part time job, make him do chores, etc. Hell, maybe even make him pay towards bills/grocery shopping etc... this may have him learn the true value of money and that it's not all about wasting it on the nice things
I'm amazed the father has the gall to butt in, since he barely sees his son. Dad can butt right out, too.
I think the suggestion for him to get a job is a good one. Have him earn his nice things. Then he can see the value of them and maybe still get some of what he wants. Heavy punishments often just push a child away, making them resentful and rebellious rather than teaching a lesson.
If he gets resentful and rebellious is because she didn't start with this spoiled brat early enough
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I wonder if he will actually learn the lesson that she is trying to teach. I hope so, but I picture this kid pouting and being bitter about it.
If she really wants the lesson to sink in, she should tell him to get a part-time or summer job, and buy some of the luxuries he's missing with money he's earned himself. Nothing will teach him the value of money better than than finding a week's hard labor won't pay for the high-tech tennis racket he wants!
Load More Replies... I totally agree with her concern and think almost all of the changes she made are spot on. The vehicle without doors is a bit far for me. I get that she has a goal of him not flexing his parent's luxury cars and it's not reasonable to just go out and buy a superfluous modest car. The Jeep is what she has that is not luxury. It's old. Great. It has jacked up paint. Great. No doors. That's a bit of a safety issue. As far as the equipment for his activities, I could see giving him a way to earn them as a privilege. If it's not an actual part time job (which may interfere with his study and college-resume-building-activity time), it could be stuff around the house. The suggestion other pandas had about volunteering is also excellent.
Yes, the jeep is a bit over the top. A used Corolla or Civic would put the point across and be much safer.
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I think it's great, except for the car. I can understand parents not letting their kids ride in a '92 that has been rolled and is missing doors. I would worry about it holding up in an accident.
I do agree on behalf of the other kids' parents. If it's a real issue, she can get a 15 year-old mini-van and provide the same lesson.
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I can't help myself, but there's something that feels wrong here. I bet this kid didn't just *snap* turned into a bully. When officials want to talk to you about your kid's behaviour, this is mostly the peak of a development. If this is all real, why didn't she/they taught him from the beginning and in a normal way social skills or the 'values of life'? It sounds a little bit like: 'Uuuuuh, my pet is broken. Why is my pet broken? It had such an expensive cage..buhuhuuu(i'm rich)buhuhuuu..' There should have been a little more attention earlier-espacially if you're that priviliged like she said. Kids don't do what you say, they do what you do. This is no offense and I don't blame anyone, ok? Don't kill me..
A lot of kids at that age completely break away from their parents. No matter what values the parents may have taught the kid at an earlier age, if the parents don't maintain the loving connection and communication with the kid, they will just stop regarding them as people who have anything to teach them, and will regard them as obstacles. The primary relationship in the kid's life will be to his friends. This is what he's learning from them. Being punitive won't restore the loving connection or the relationship, by the way. The kid will just think that Mom is an annoying obstacle who is making his life very difficult and getting in the way of his primary relationship.
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This post is basically a dhar mann video in word form
I think punishing the child without understanding where this attitude is coming from is a dangerous move, children OFTEN act out because they're hurt about something else so my first step would be therapy to find out why he's being an asshole. Second step would be teaching him that he's not wealthy but I am and from now on he will learn to EARN his things - obviously the basics would still be covered by me but if he wants nice things he will need to earn those. Third step, GET THAT KID OUT OF HIS BUBBLE - the reason he's so disconnected from reality is because he's never had to be face to face with it - look for volunteer opportunities you can both participate in. Fourth and final step - teach him that if his friends are so bothered about the car he's being driven around in, the clothes he's wearing and whether the gear he's using is his or not... then those are not friends worth having and he needs to find better ones!
*sigh I remember the days when this wasn't something that needed justifying. When a parents punishing a child was just what was done.
I remember those days too. Got bullied by those kids pretty terribly. Watched them torture animals, too. Their parents taught them all that by those wonderful old-timey punishment methods.
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I was the one who got bullied because my parents were not well off. I didn't have any named brands for anything, we shopped in budget supermarkets, didn't have regular holidays etc. The bullies made my life miserable, it was so bad I turned to self harm to deal with it. Even my so called friends would bully me and nothing changed until I had finished school and left the area. I applaud this mum for her approach and the father should keep his nose out of it because he doesn't bother with his son except paying court appointed child support. This is a turning point for the son, teaching him a bit of humility now will give him a good for for the rest of his life.
I went to a private school with varying degrees of family wealth. We all wore uniforms. The great clothing equalizer. And cheaper too! Living in reality, us middle class kids, once we were legally old enough to get a job in the summer or an after school, our parents paid the fees and we saved to buy our books. Often they were used by girls in the grade ahead for like $5. If you did crap and ended up in Sr. Elizabeth's office your parents were called and the usual answer, even from rich families "I'M paying for you to go to that school and your d**n lucky to go there. Straighten up , because it can be arranged that you won't be going to this really fancy school" ( Nothing wrong with going to public)The shelter thing is a good idea. Princess Diana used to take the boys to shelters. News flash youngins! For many people this is reality. Use your privilege to help. That's what your JOB is. A responsibility to the public. Get him a wallet, open a bank account. Get an after school job. Welcome to your spending money.
This is an up-hill battle and I am not sure the mum will win it. Now-a-days kids are bombarded (brainwashed) by social media and tacky reality shows and have no sense of what life is really about.And it is not only the 1st world countries where it is a matter of life or death but you will see poor kids in 3rd world countries sporting a calvin Klein t.shirt with pride and still have nothing to eat. And the father being oblivious to the mother´s parenting skills will only make matters worse...
This is not a brand-new "nowadays" problem. I remember snobbery from my teenage years and I went through them in the 70s.
Load More Replies... I went to a small school full of rich kids, I know how the other side feels being bullied. But I know I grew up a better person for not having everything handed to me. I think the mother did an absolute great job. Kudos to her.
I would add: tell the kid to get a job. Not a dad's friend/country club job. Fast food, gas station, yard work, cashier type job. Tell him that's where he's getting his spending money, try to get the dad to go along. Nothing teaches respect for others and the value of money like working in a customer facing job for minimum wage.
This kid needs real friends. With more shared interests than competition for "who has the most expensive crap". Hope that's addressed, as well as the dad's inability to see the problem. I'd also have the kid do weekends at a homeless shelter, talking to the people to learn that they, like his well-off parents, once had it all, or enough, and it was just one bad day/week.... out of their control.... to mean they're grateful to have a cot and a hot meal, and clean clothes, forget new.
I have a hard time believing some of these stories. This just reeks of something from some bored mothers imagination. Just had to drive the stereotypical movie version of wealth , the Porsche and Jaguar. The overly detailed explanation of the crappy car That no one with wealth would keep around. So many stories on here seems to be attention seeking tall tales.
A lot of stories coming from /r/AITA are either completely fake, overly embellished, or posted just to get reaffirmation ("I saved a stray puppy, Am I the Asshole?"). Or a combination of all 3
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It’s a step in the right direction but really, did she need to publicly post any of this? Probably not. Looks like she may need a lesson in humility as well. She’s certainly not the AH, but It sounds like she was looking for a pat on the back from us to say, “good parenting there”.
YES! Thank you!!! She herself had to mention that she had "Luxury Cars" Was that necessary? And then her interpretation of what "poor looks like" by mentioning the 92 car... she needs a lesson herself for sure. You are the only person in this thread that even gets it.
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I go to a relatively wealthy private school and we have uniforms and a no bullying policy. None of us make fun of anyone for having more or less money, likely because the school generally doesn't permit signifiers of wealth. I can honestly say that I haven't experienced or seen anything like this, but I'm sure my peers and I are outliers
Jeez, I'm anything but rich (not even middle class, but that's a story for a different time). Rich people have arguments over which brand names people are wearing? Over what car you drive to school in? ._. they all go to the same PRIVATE school, which costs a big ol' buttload of money, so maybe feel good that you're surrounded by fellow rich snobby kids instead of getting fussy over things like name brands. Rich people problems.
I think this 'punishment' is just right. Thrift shops (we call them charity shops in the UK) are excellent places to buy clothes. He still gets driven around in a car. Maybe his father should learn from this too. Let's hope the son learns some good manners too. Be careful who you mock, as Karma has a bad habit of getting to you.
It's a good thing she pointed out he was born into a wealthy family by chance. Not only is it 100% true, but also every parent should tell their children about that. No kid chooses to have parents with money or parents who struggle, and it should never be a matter of pride or embarassment, respectively. My parents had that talk with me when I was little, in simple words for me to understand, they basically told me that not all kids had as much as I did, and that other kids had less, others had more, and that should never be an issue.
She was just being a good parent by making her son feel the embarrassment the others go through. It’s called “teaching him a lesson”. I’m sure he got that from his father cuz that man ain’t there to show him how to be a good young man(not like he knows anyway) n he’s being the A_______. The kid has to learn somehow, so mom’s making the right decision and being a good mom.
Short version: He is NOT rich, his parents are rich. If his parents cut him off, then he aint gonna be rich unless he actually works for it. Make him work for his precious riches. Make him get a part time job, make him do chores, etc...
I am heartbroken at this child's behaviour. Hope this kid learns his lesson!
I think she did a GREAT job, for one she taught him how it can be like to be less fortunate, two she FORCED him to learn what it can be like to be poor after all, instead of him bragging about it, he should be GRATEFUL that he doesn't have to face money issues like some people have to (I hope he IS grateful after this lesson!). third THAT FATHER SHOULD SIDE WITH THE MOTHER! he isn't helping the situation that his son is picking on those who are poorer and he isn't exactly teaching him a lesson. I hope the son has learned his lesson
Kids act totally different around their parents then they do when they're with their peers and at school. We've ALL done/said things as kids/teens around our friends that we wouldn't have dared to say/do with our parents present. She may not have been aware of the issue until the school contacted her. Kids don't always report bullying, because it can make the situation worse. I think she was made aware of the situation and acted as I would have in her situation. Fact is, he IS poor, HE has no money of his own yet, nothing. Besides basic needs, everything else provided is off the generosity of the parents. Granted, some parents do just throw money at problems
If I become wealthy, my kids will ALL work minimum wage jobs and earn their own spending money. My fiancee is the daughter of an immigrant and she worked from the ground up.
Teen is under peer pressure, but also the lifestyle doesn't help either. Teaching him to live modestly and also follow his own self is something that should be the lesson. The real impression should be that everyone matters despite their different status.
The little ba**tard belongs in juvie. He will grow up to be a murderer for sure.
First, never allow yourself to be bullied, especially by those that aren't involved in morally raising your child. Promoting a shallow sense of worth based on possessions creates a lack of empathy. You did the right thing and you never have to ask anyone if your decisions are correct. Raise your child as you see fit. You paid for that right when you gave birth to him and again when you accepted custody. I think you've got this handled.
A great way to teach a little humility and empathy but I don't think driving him around in an unsafe car is the best idea. Getting him to earn money for the luxury items he wants or for the right to have use of the better car e.g through housework, volunteering or to get a part time job (and contribute towards petrol or bills) that way he's learning a lesson about the value of money and want instead of just feeling like he's being punished.
Im a little concerned by the car having no doors, everything else is fine
You are doing the right thing. At this point your son is a little s**t and it looks like he slowly turned into his messed up dad. "Making an impression " my ass. Nobody cares about that s**t. If your son keeps that bullshit up he is going to be one of societys worst at one point. Cruel and shallow. You are a good mom. Well done for standing up against bullying and teaching him what is really important.
Seems like a fair punishment..However, it would have been better of it was more of a sportive way -- where the deal would be to make him realise how hard it is to live by their own hands. Realising that luck to be born rich is the main pivot. Establishing and understanding the gift of being born rich makes a huge affect on how the world is perceived. It's important to know what it takes to earn through wages is important. Without realisation, everything is futile.
"impressions matter and it will affect the rest of his life" The entire Fcking problem with society snobs summed up by one if it's own right there! And who is perpetuating it?
Here's a suggestion. Send him to public school. Let him learn what the real world is like instead of his pampered privilege.
Being in the counseling/therapy field get counseling and finish this up. Continue going in the right direction. There were so many things going on to cause this behavior and trying to straighten it out has caused more problems. To avoid future problems get professional family therapy, good job mom.
I think you did the right thing, but one thing I've noticed with kids and teenagers is that often poor behaviour for them is indicative of an issue in their life. Sometimes when you drill down into why they're behaving the way they are, you can help them resolve that problem. They don't necessarily know yet how to communicate in healthy ways and it's important to provide that knowledge for them. I'd say giving your son a time period during which he doesn't get to benefit from being rich is important, but you should also try to understand why he was bullying. Does he have friends who support this kind of behaviour? Is he maybe jealous that the other, less wealthy, kids have a father who is present? It sounds like your child may need to see a therapist to dig into the reasons behind his behaviour.
We need to be careful in judging these people. The kid being a bully definitely has underlying problems and this is the only way of his feeling that he is can control something in his life. We don't know that the father is an A-hole. We are only going on what the mother says in a clearly poor relationship (it takes two) that could probably be better for the sake of the child. Even the mother admits that the father is paying for the best for his son. I think a mother going on social media to tell the world how awesome she is at teaching the son a lesson and how dead beat the Dad is needs to perhaps deal with her own issues.... I wonder how much actual time the child gets with his parents- busy and wealthy can mean time poor....
IF absent daddy-o has such a problem with this arrangement then absent daddy-o can find himself a full-time daddy-o and see how that works out. That includes providing full time, nurturing, and dealing with the school. Daddy-o will quickly go back to absent deference to mom
This is an irl Dhar Mann video lol. NTA, I think that she's teaching him a valuable lesson.
It seems the young man has nothing else to distinguish himself except wealth. If that is taken away from him, there is not much left. Surely the mother is not an asshole because she wants to give her child the best possible life, but there is definitely room for improvement here: Wealth alone is NOT an education. Intelligence instead of impression.
Thank you, thank you! To the best of my knowledge, my son was not a bully, but I watched other kids bully him about Pokemon cards. "I have this card." rapid fire to find what cards he had. Four brothers with many cards. I told my son to say, "That's great!" or some other neutral, complimentary statement. After he said it once, they lost interest and moved on. They acted the same in swim meets. My son swam in a more competitive league. In the summer these boys assumed they won and would push other kids away. My son waited until his name was called, didn't push his way up to collect the ribbon, but waited until they made room for him to walk up without direct physical contact. Reasonable expectation. When it was clear he didn't care what Pokemon cards they had or how often he won or lost races, they lost interest. Their parents both watched with pride, looking down at me, the mother of the weakling. Just plain sad
As he’s already a teen it may be a bit late in the game to effect meaningful change. But at least she’s trying.
Troof. Rich kid problems are so arrogantly gross. The mother made sure to mention she has "Luxury cars" a Porsche and jaguar... was that necessary? and what is so bad about a 92 jeep? like really? she is just as ignorant as the child... this was a hard read for me.
Load More Replies... Man- rich white people problems. She definitely made sure she had to mention that she has a Porsche and a jaguar... and then stated "now he gets driven around in a 92 vehicle" as if that is somthing to shame. I think the Mother is just as guilty as the son- unfortunately, she seems ignorant to it herself. pffft. this post made me sick.
let him wear rags & eat less good food that will teach him what's important
The mother's goal is admirable, but the extreme measures, immediately, without any counseling or any feedback as to what solutions the son can see from their discussions is concerning. I agree with those who have commented that this behavior didn't develop over night... I also agree with those who have said that having the son contribute his time to various organizations that are in need of help should be part of the solution; at his age, he should already show empathy, but it doesn't seem that he does . I think the parents should also seek out help, from a therapist, as to a balanced parenting approach. This shoot-from-the-hip and ask questions later could end up with even more unintended consequences... Wishing all concerned a brighter future that is not just measured by "things" and "status" ...
I do hope the son doesn’t turn on the mother and make her life miserable in retaliation. Kids these days act so entitled and if they don’t get what they want they’re the victims because they believe that without actually doing a thing to earn it they deserve everything they ask for. That’s just in my experience as a mother to three teenagers.
The woman isn't the A-hole, but the father is. Teaching your kid that it's pure chance that you get born into a wealthy family is very important. It's not your merit nor your accomplishment. The father shouldn't tell his son that outward appearance is of the essence. Although it may seem that you can buy friends, in reality you'll end up either very rich and very lonely or very poor and very lonely.
I was a little shocked by this, too. "Making an impression" with someone else's money is not something you want to teach a kid to do. If he wants to make an impression, he can quit acting like an entitled little toe rag and start behaving like a human. ...///... I'm wondering if the problem is the school he's in. Perhaps a transfer to a place that requires everyone wears the same uniform would help reinforce the lesson.
Load More Replies... agree... for someone who has a porshe, a jaguar and a jeep she has her feets on the ground and not acting like a Karen
Load More Replies... Short answer here is: HE is not rich, his parents are. If his parents were to cut him off (which the mother rightfully kind of is in a way) he is no longer rich. He should have to earn his precious riches. Make him get a part time job, make him do chores, etc. Hell, maybe even make him pay towards bills/grocery shopping etc... this may have him learn the true value of money and that it's not all about wasting it on the nice things
I'm amazed the father has the gall to butt in, since he barely sees his son. Dad can butt right out, too.
I think the suggestion for him to get a job is a good one. Have him earn his nice things. Then he can see the value of them and maybe still get some of what he wants. Heavy punishments often just push a child away, making them resentful and rebellious rather than teaching a lesson.
If he gets resentful and rebellious is because she didn't start with this spoiled brat early enough
Load More Replies... I wonder if he will actually learn the lesson that she is trying to teach. I hope so, but I picture this kid pouting and being bitter about it.
If she really wants the lesson to sink in, she should tell him to get a part-time or summer job, and buy some of the luxuries he's missing with money he's earned himself. Nothing will teach him the value of money better than than finding a week's hard labor won't pay for the high-tech tennis racket he wants!
Load More Replies... I totally agree with her concern and think almost all of the changes she made are spot on. The vehicle without doors is a bit far for me. I get that she has a goal of him not flexing his parent's luxury cars and it's not reasonable to just go out and buy a superfluous modest car. The Jeep is what she has that is not luxury. It's old. Great. It has jacked up paint. Great. No doors. That's a bit of a safety issue. As far as the equipment for his activities, I could see giving him a way to earn them as a privilege. If it's not an actual part time job (which may interfere with his study and college-resume-building-activity time), it could be stuff around the house. The suggestion other pandas had about volunteering is also excellent.
Yes, the jeep is a bit over the top. A used Corolla or Civic would put the point across and be much safer.
Load More Replies... I think it's great, except for the car. I can understand parents not letting their kids ride in a '92 that has been rolled and is missing doors. I would worry about it holding up in an accident.
I do agree on behalf of the other kids' parents. If it's a real issue, she can get a 15 year-old mini-van and provide the same lesson.
Load More Replies... I can't help myself, but there's something that feels wrong here. I bet this kid didn't just *snap* turned into a bully. When officials want to talk to you about your kid's behaviour, this is mostly the peak of a development. If this is all real, why didn't she/they taught him from the beginning and in a normal way social skills or the 'values of life'? It sounds a little bit like: 'Uuuuuh, my pet is broken. Why is my pet broken? It had such an expensive cage..buhuhuuu(i'm rich)buhuhuuu..' There should have been a little more attention earlier-espacially if you're that priviliged like she said. Kids don't do what you say, they do what you do. This is no offense and I don't blame anyone, ok? Don't kill me..
A lot of kids at that age completely break away from their parents. No matter what values the parents may have taught the kid at an earlier age, if the parents don't maintain the loving connection and communication with the kid, they will just stop regarding them as people who have anything to teach them, and will regard them as obstacles. The primary relationship in the kid's life will be to his friends. This is what he's learning from them. Being punitive won't restore the loving connection or the relationship, by the way. The kid will just think that Mom is an annoying obstacle who is making his life very difficult and getting in the way of his primary relationship.
Load More Replies... This post is basically a dhar mann video in word form
I think punishing the child without understanding where this attitude is coming from is a dangerous move, children OFTEN act out because they're hurt about something else so my first step would be therapy to find out why he's being an asshole. Second step would be teaching him that he's not wealthy but I am and from now on he will learn to EARN his things - obviously the basics would still be covered by me but if he wants nice things he will need to earn those. Third step, GET THAT KID OUT OF HIS BUBBLE - the reason he's so disconnected from reality is because he's never had to be face to face with it - look for volunteer opportunities you can both participate in. Fourth and final step - teach him that if his friends are so bothered about the car he's being driven around in, the clothes he's wearing and whether the gear he's using is his or not... then those are not friends worth having and he needs to find better ones!
*sigh I remember the days when this wasn't something that needed justifying. When a parents punishing a child was just what was done.
I remember those days too. Got bullied by those kids pretty terribly. Watched them torture animals, too. Their parents taught them all that by those wonderful old-timey punishment methods.
Load More Replies... I was the one who got bullied because my parents were not well off. I didn't have any named brands for anything, we shopped in budget supermarkets, didn't have regular holidays etc. The bullies made my life miserable, it was so bad I turned to self harm to deal with it. Even my so called friends would bully me and nothing changed until I had finished school and left the area. I applaud this mum for her approach and the father should keep his nose out of it because he doesn't bother with his son except paying court appointed child support. This is a turning point for the son, teaching him a bit of humility now will give him a good for for the rest of his life.
I went to a private school with varying degrees of family wealth. We all wore uniforms. The great clothing equalizer. And cheaper too! Living in reality, us middle class kids, once we were legally old enough to get a job in the summer or an after school, our parents paid the fees and we saved to buy our books. Often they were used by girls in the grade ahead for like $5. If you did crap and ended up in Sr. Elizabeth's office your parents were called and the usual answer, even from rich families "I'M paying for you to go to that school and your d**n lucky to go there. Straighten up , because it can be arranged that you won't be going to this really fancy school" ( Nothing wrong with going to public)The shelter thing is a good idea. Princess Diana used to take the boys to shelters. News flash youngins! For many people this is reality. Use your privilege to help. That's what your JOB is. A responsibility to the public. Get him a wallet, open a bank account. Get an after school job. Welcome to your spending money.
This is an up-hill battle and I am not sure the mum will win it. Now-a-days kids are bombarded (brainwashed) by social media and tacky reality shows and have no sense of what life is really about.And it is not only the 1st world countries where it is a matter of life or death but you will see poor kids in 3rd world countries sporting a calvin Klein t.shirt with pride and still have nothing to eat. And the father being oblivious to the mother´s parenting skills will only make matters worse...
This is not a brand-new "nowadays" problem. I remember snobbery from my teenage years and I went through them in the 70s.
Load More Replies... I went to a small school full of rich kids, I know how the other side feels being bullied. But I know I grew up a better person for not having everything handed to me. I think the mother did an absolute great job. Kudos to her.
I would add: tell the kid to get a job. Not a dad's friend/country club job. Fast food, gas station, yard work, cashier type job. Tell him that's where he's getting his spending money, try to get the dad to go along. Nothing teaches respect for others and the value of money like working in a customer facing job for minimum wage.
This kid needs real friends. With more shared interests than competition for "who has the most expensive crap". Hope that's addressed, as well as the dad's inability to see the problem. I'd also have the kid do weekends at a homeless shelter, talking to the people to learn that they, like his well-off parents, once had it all, or enough, and it was just one bad day/week.... out of their control.... to mean they're grateful to have a cot and a hot meal, and clean clothes, forget new.
I have a hard time believing some of these stories. This just reeks of something from some bored mothers imagination. Just had to drive the stereotypical movie version of wealth , the Porsche and Jaguar. The overly detailed explanation of the crappy car That no one with wealth would keep around. So many stories on here seems to be attention seeking tall tales.
A lot of stories coming from /r/AITA are either completely fake, overly embellished, or posted just to get reaffirmation ("I saved a stray puppy, Am I the Asshole?"). Or a combination of all 3
Load More Replies... It’s a step in the right direction but really, did she need to publicly post any of this? Probably not. Looks like she may need a lesson in humility as well. She’s certainly not the AH, but It sounds like she was looking for a pat on the back from us to say, “good parenting there”.
YES! Thank you!!! She herself had to mention that she had "Luxury Cars" Was that necessary? And then her interpretation of what "poor looks like" by mentioning the 92 car... she needs a lesson herself for sure. You are the only person in this thread that even gets it.
Load More Replies... I go to a relatively wealthy private school and we have uniforms and a no bullying policy. None of us make fun of anyone for having more or less money, likely because the school generally doesn't permit signifiers of wealth. I can honestly say that I haven't experienced or seen anything like this, but I'm sure my peers and I are outliers
Jeez, I'm anything but rich (not even middle class, but that's a story for a different time). Rich people have arguments over which brand names people are wearing? Over what car you drive to school in? ._. they all go to the same PRIVATE school, which costs a big ol' buttload of money, so maybe feel good that you're surrounded by fellow rich snobby kids instead of getting fussy over things like name brands. Rich people problems.
I think this 'punishment' is just right. Thrift shops (we call them charity shops in the UK) are excellent places to buy clothes. He still gets driven around in a car. Maybe his father should learn from this too. Let's hope the son learns some good manners too. Be careful who you mock, as Karma has a bad habit of getting to you.
It's a good thing she pointed out he was born into a wealthy family by chance. Not only is it 100% true, but also every parent should tell their children about that. No kid chooses to have parents with money or parents who struggle, and it should never be a matter of pride or embarassment, respectively. My parents had that talk with me when I was little, in simple words for me to understand, they basically told me that not all kids had as much as I did, and that other kids had less, others had more, and that should never be an issue.
She was just being a good parent by making her son feel the embarrassment the others go through. It’s called “teaching him a lesson”. I’m sure he got that from his father cuz that man ain’t there to show him how to be a good young man(not like he knows anyway) n he’s being the A_______. The kid has to learn somehow, so mom’s making the right decision and being a good mom.
Short version: He is NOT rich, his parents are rich. If his parents cut him off, then he aint gonna be rich unless he actually works for it. Make him work for his precious riches. Make him get a part time job, make him do chores, etc...
I am heartbroken at this child's behaviour. Hope this kid learns his lesson!
I think she did a GREAT job, for one she taught him how it can be like to be less fortunate, two she FORCED him to learn what it can be like to be poor after all, instead of him bragging about it, he should be GRATEFUL that he doesn't have to face money issues like some people have to (I hope he IS grateful after this lesson!). third THAT FATHER SHOULD SIDE WITH THE MOTHER! he isn't helping the situation that his son is picking on those who are poorer and he isn't exactly teaching him a lesson. I hope the son has learned his lesson
Kids act totally different around their parents then they do when they're with their peers and at school. We've ALL done/said things as kids/teens around our friends that we wouldn't have dared to say/do with our parents present. She may not have been aware of the issue until the school contacted her. Kids don't always report bullying, because it can make the situation worse. I think she was made aware of the situation and acted as I would have in her situation. Fact is, he IS poor, HE has no money of his own yet, nothing. Besides basic needs, everything else provided is off the generosity of the parents. Granted, some parents do just throw money at problems
If I become wealthy, my kids will ALL work minimum wage jobs and earn their own spending money. My fiancee is the daughter of an immigrant and she worked from the ground up.
Teen is under peer pressure, but also the lifestyle doesn't help either. Teaching him to live modestly and also follow his own self is something that should be the lesson. The real impression should be that everyone matters despite their different status.
The little ba**tard belongs in juvie. He will grow up to be a murderer for sure.
First, never allow yourself to be bullied, especially by those that aren't involved in morally raising your child. Promoting a shallow sense of worth based on possessions creates a lack of empathy. You did the right thing and you never have to ask anyone if your decisions are correct. Raise your child as you see fit. You paid for that right when you gave birth to him and again when you accepted custody. I think you've got this handled.
A great way to teach a little humility and empathy but I don't think driving him around in an unsafe car is the best idea. Getting him to earn money for the luxury items he wants or for the right to have use of the better car e.g through housework, volunteering or to get a part time job (and contribute towards petrol or bills) that way he's learning a lesson about the value of money and want instead of just feeling like he's being punished.
Im a little concerned by the car having no doors, everything else is fine
You are doing the right thing. At this point your son is a little s**t and it looks like he slowly turned into his messed up dad. "Making an impression " my ass. Nobody cares about that s**t. If your son keeps that bullshit up he is going to be one of societys worst at one point. Cruel and shallow. You are a good mom. Well done for standing up against bullying and teaching him what is really important.
Seems like a fair punishment..However, it would have been better of it was more of a sportive way -- where the deal would be to make him realise how hard it is to live by their own hands. Realising that luck to be born rich is the main pivot. Establishing and understanding the gift of being born rich makes a huge affect on how the world is perceived. It's important to know what it takes to earn through wages is important. Without realisation, everything is futile.
"impressions matter and it will affect the rest of his life" The entire Fcking problem with society snobs summed up by one if it's own right there! And who is perpetuating it?
Here's a suggestion. Send him to public school. Let him learn what the real world is like instead of his pampered privilege.
Being in the counseling/therapy field get counseling and finish this up. Continue going in the right direction. There were so many things going on to cause this behavior and trying to straighten it out has caused more problems. To avoid future problems get professional family therapy, good job mom.
I think you did the right thing, but one thing I've noticed with kids and teenagers is that often poor behaviour for them is indicative of an issue in their life. Sometimes when you drill down into why they're behaving the way they are, you can help them resolve that problem. They don't necessarily know yet how to communicate in healthy ways and it's important to provide that knowledge for them. I'd say giving your son a time period during which he doesn't get to benefit from being rich is important, but you should also try to understand why he was bullying. Does he have friends who support this kind of behaviour? Is he maybe jealous that the other, less wealthy, kids have a father who is present? It sounds like your child may need to see a therapist to dig into the reasons behind his behaviour.
We need to be careful in judging these people. The kid being a bully definitely has underlying problems and this is the only way of his feeling that he is can control something in his life. We don't know that the father is an A-hole. We are only going on what the mother says in a clearly poor relationship (it takes two) that could probably be better for the sake of the child. Even the mother admits that the father is paying for the best for his son. I think a mother going on social media to tell the world how awesome she is at teaching the son a lesson and how dead beat the Dad is needs to perhaps deal with her own issues.... I wonder how much actual time the child gets with his parents- busy and wealthy can mean time poor....
IF absent daddy-o has such a problem with this arrangement then absent daddy-o can find himself a full-time daddy-o and see how that works out. That includes providing full time, nurturing, and dealing with the school. Daddy-o will quickly go back to absent deference to mom
This is an irl Dhar Mann video lol. NTA, I think that she's teaching him a valuable lesson.
It seems the young man has nothing else to distinguish himself except wealth. If that is taken away from him, there is not much left. Surely the mother is not an asshole because she wants to give her child the best possible life, but there is definitely room for improvement here: Wealth alone is NOT an education. Intelligence instead of impression.
Thank you, thank you! To the best of my knowledge, my son was not a bully, but I watched other kids bully him about Pokemon cards. "I have this card." rapid fire to find what cards he had. Four brothers with many cards. I told my son to say, "That's great!" or some other neutral, complimentary statement. After he said it once, they lost interest and moved on. They acted the same in swim meets. My son swam in a more competitive league. In the summer these boys assumed they won and would push other kids away. My son waited until his name was called, didn't push his way up to collect the ribbon, but waited until they made room for him to walk up without direct physical contact. Reasonable expectation. When it was clear he didn't care what Pokemon cards they had or how often he won or lost races, they lost interest. Their parents both watched with pride, looking down at me, the mother of the weakling. Just plain sad
As he’s already a teen it may be a bit late in the game to effect meaningful change. But at least she’s trying.
Troof. Rich kid problems are so arrogantly gross. The mother made sure to mention she has "Luxury cars" a Porsche and jaguar... was that necessary? and what is so bad about a 92 jeep? like really? she is just as ignorant as the child... this was a hard read for me.
Load More Replies... Man- rich white people problems. She definitely made sure she had to mention that she has a Porsche and a jaguar... and then stated "now he gets driven around in a 92 vehicle" as if that is somthing to shame. I think the Mother is just as guilty as the son- unfortunately, she seems ignorant to it herself. pffft. this post made me sick.
let him wear rags & eat less good food that will teach him what's important
The mother's goal is admirable, but the extreme measures, immediately, without any counseling or any feedback as to what solutions the son can see from their discussions is concerning. I agree with those who have commented that this behavior didn't develop over night... I also agree with those who have said that having the son contribute his time to various organizations that are in need of help should be part of the solution; at his age, he should already show empathy, but it doesn't seem that he does . I think the parents should also seek out help, from a therapist, as to a balanced parenting approach. This shoot-from-the-hip and ask questions later could end up with even more unintended consequences... Wishing all concerned a brighter future that is not just measured by "things" and "status" ...
I do hope the son doesn’t turn on the mother and make her life miserable in retaliation. Kids these days act so entitled and if they don’t get what they want they’re the victims because they believe that without actually doing a thing to earn it they deserve everything they ask for. That’s just in my experience as a mother to three teenagers.
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