Mom’s Explanation Why She Teaches Son Not To Share Gets Shared 207,000+ Times, Other Parents React
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When a group of boys at the park approached Alanya Kolberg’s young son, Carson, and demanded that he share his toys with them, she handled the situation in a way that some parents weren’t expecting. After her story went viral, parents of the Internet weighed in, and you might be surprised by their reactions.
Kolberg’s post, written on April 19th, has already been shared over 200 thousand times, and has garnered just as many likes. Hundreds of parents and others took to the comment section, igniting a tricky but thought-provoking discussion on the true meaning of the old motto “sharing is caring.” Kolberg’s method, however, seemed to unite the opinions of readers more than it divided.
Read the whole story for yourself below, and tell us your thoughts on this issue in the comments!
More info: (h/t)
After an experience at the park with her son Carson, this mom took to Facebook with a message to other parents
The brutally honest rant has now been shared over 200 thousand times, and follows like so:
“You can tell them no, Carson,” Kolberg told her young son. “Just say no. You don’t have to say anything else”
The mom’s actions brought forth praise from many commentators, who defended her parenting methods
Others, however, offered less supportive opinions on the matter, sparking fierce runoff debates
What’s your take? Is sharing really caring? Tell us in the comments below!
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When I was a kid in the kindergarten I was forced to share(only my teachers made me do it, luckily) many of my toys and books. The only thank I got for this was to see my belongings ruined. By teaching Carson to say "no" to other children, this mother actually teaches her son to respect his own opinion and choices. Carson chose to share his toys with a close friend(to whom he trusts she wouldn't damage) and making your opinion matter is a very important thing in the adults' world.
Also, she's not teaching him not to share. She's teaching him that he has a right to say no if he wants to.
Yes I came to say how misleading the headline is too.
I work in a kindergarten, and there you have to share some resources. First, for equal opportunities, children are not allowed to bring toys from home unless it's a comfort blanket. If they do, they have to put them on a shelf out of reach or share with the children, as it's not fair for children with less resources to watch how the other children bring their super cool expensive toys and tease them. If a child is playing with all the kindergarten's wild animals, for example, s/he doesn't have to share until they finish, but if the child is having all the play dough that we set up to reach several children fine's motor skills, they will have to share some of it. It's important to teach children about sharing because they need to learn how to put themselves in other's shoes, but out of the nursery children should share their own toys only if they want to, and not due to pressure.
If I'm understanding you, the toys in the kindergarten don't belong to any of the children. So of course, children must be taught that they cannot monopolize what they do not own. And there is a sense to preventing children from bringing their own toys, for the reasons you state. However, enforced equality is a thing that cannot be extended forever. It cannot be enforced beyond the walled garden of the kindergarten. (And it shouldn't be, either). And so this woman's child ends up learning both important lessons: sometimes you have to share; sometimes you don't. Little children are naturally avaricious (and it's no use thinking otherwise; they simply don't have the capacity for empathy until later). So the lesson he's learning is something he'll only fully appreciate later. But it's better than teaching him the patently false lesson that fairness is when everyone has the same access to everything, and any inequality of possession excuses forced seizure, the adult version of this.
if it's a comfort thing they can't hold it? seems defeat the purpose of a comfort thing...
School is different, your also forced to be around people you don't want to be around. It's about learning not about etiquette. Those lessons are not all meant to be taken literally. They are taught to you on the premise that it will broaden your mind.
Also, learning to be assertive and say "no" even when it might seem difficult is a very important thing to know. I think teaching him this at his age is creating a good foundation for when he's an adult.
Sorry Carlos, I added this comment to another post and it seems to have duplicated on yours!
life can be complicated. I would expect if he did share with 6 different kids, there's a good chance he'd never see his toys again. I recall sharing an electronic toy when growing up, the older kid wouldn't give it back after several hours. I asked for it back and was denied. had to get big brother to get it back, of course then I was the bad guy.
My nephew has had many toys stolen because he was taught to share by my sister. Now when I'm babysitting him he doesn't have to give his things away.
You don't teach your kid to share, you teach him that one of the best feelings in the world comes from sharing your stuff with others ! The source of your joy should be the joy you bring to others. But for this to happen, it must be his own decision, as there is no joy in being forced to share. I strongly agree with the mother.
I agree! What you end up doing is creating exactly the opposite, the kind of greedy selfish person who doesn't want to share anything with anyone, ever. She's teaching him boundaries, and loving to share with close friends.
When I was a kid in the kindergarten I was forced to share(only my teachers made me do it, luckily) many of my toys and books. The only thank I got for this was to see my belongings ruined. By teaching Carson to say "no" to other children, this mother actually teaches her son to respect his own opinion and choices. Carson chose to share his toys with a close friend(to whom he trusts she wouldn't damage) and making your opinion matter is a very important thing in the adults' world.
Also, she's not teaching him not to share. She's teaching him that he has a right to say no if he wants to.
Yes I came to say how misleading the headline is too.
I work in a kindergarten, and there you have to share some resources. First, for equal opportunities, children are not allowed to bring toys from home unless it's a comfort blanket. If they do, they have to put them on a shelf out of reach or share with the children, as it's not fair for children with less resources to watch how the other children bring their super cool expensive toys and tease them. If a child is playing with all the kindergarten's wild animals, for example, s/he doesn't have to share until they finish, but if the child is having all the play dough that we set up to reach several children fine's motor skills, they will have to share some of it. It's important to teach children about sharing because they need to learn how to put themselves in other's shoes, but out of the nursery children should share their own toys only if they want to, and not due to pressure.
If I'm understanding you, the toys in the kindergarten don't belong to any of the children. So of course, children must be taught that they cannot monopolize what they do not own. And there is a sense to preventing children from bringing their own toys, for the reasons you state. However, enforced equality is a thing that cannot be extended forever. It cannot be enforced beyond the walled garden of the kindergarten. (And it shouldn't be, either). And so this woman's child ends up learning both important lessons: sometimes you have to share; sometimes you don't. Little children are naturally avaricious (and it's no use thinking otherwise; they simply don't have the capacity for empathy until later). So the lesson he's learning is something he'll only fully appreciate later. But it's better than teaching him the patently false lesson that fairness is when everyone has the same access to everything, and any inequality of possession excuses forced seizure, the adult version of this.
if it's a comfort thing they can't hold it? seems defeat the purpose of a comfort thing...
School is different, your also forced to be around people you don't want to be around. It's about learning not about etiquette. Those lessons are not all meant to be taken literally. They are taught to you on the premise that it will broaden your mind.
Also, learning to be assertive and say "no" even when it might seem difficult is a very important thing to know. I think teaching him this at his age is creating a good foundation for when he's an adult.
Sorry Carlos, I added this comment to another post and it seems to have duplicated on yours!
life can be complicated. I would expect if he did share with 6 different kids, there's a good chance he'd never see his toys again. I recall sharing an electronic toy when growing up, the older kid wouldn't give it back after several hours. I asked for it back and was denied. had to get big brother to get it back, of course then I was the bad guy.
My nephew has had many toys stolen because he was taught to share by my sister. Now when I'm babysitting him he doesn't have to give his things away.
You don't teach your kid to share, you teach him that one of the best feelings in the world comes from sharing your stuff with others ! The source of your joy should be the joy you bring to others. But for this to happen, it must be his own decision, as there is no joy in being forced to share. I strongly agree with the mother.
I agree! What you end up doing is creating exactly the opposite, the kind of greedy selfish person who doesn't want to share anything with anyone, ever. She's teaching him boundaries, and loving to share with close friends.