Everybody Needs To See This Controversial Viral Meme About Children And Consent
Telling your child to hug or kiss a family friend or relative might seem like an innocent thing to do, but as this controversial meme points out, it could actually be giving your kids a dangerous message about the rules of consent.
“I am 5,” reads the meme’s message. “My body is my body. Don’t force me to kiss or hug.” It was posted on A Might Girl’s Facebook page alongside excerpts from an article titled “I don’t own my child’s body,” written by CNN writer and producer Katia Hetter. In it she argues that encouraging children to submit to unwanted affection is actually teaching them that their bodies do not belong to them, and that forcing them to touch people they don’t want to could actually leave them vulnerable to sexual abusers. The post has since been liked more than 88k times and shared by over 162k people. It’s also started a dialogue on what parents should and shouldn’t be teaching their children. What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.
More info: Facebook (h/t: 22words)
This controversial meme has gone viral for its important message about children and consent
The post was inspired Katia Hetter’s post on CNN titled “I don’t own my child’s body”
In it she argues that forcing kids to show unwanted affection is teaching them that their bodies don’t belong to them, which could leave them vulnerable to abuse
The meme has started a dialogue about children and consent
A number of people agreed with the post and shared their own opinions and stories
Other people had different opinions however
And some shared their belief in the “hug, handshake or high five” option. What do you think?
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I wonder how she feels about having her image and story plastered all over the internet?
I suppose there is no need to ask permission for that...
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i a mom and i think this is a good idea. children often are force to do thing that they dont want to do and just because they are children their opinion dont matter
I witnessed at a family meeting from my fiancees side how a granddaugther was forced to hug their grandparents and she did everything to wiggle out from their arms asap. If the 5 year old kid sees them twice a year, they are strangers to her, and I am positive she doesn't grasp fully the family relations idea yet. i felt very sorry for her and I am sure that the hugh-high five-hello-handshake option is way better than what I had to see.
This article is a Huge eye opener. I was an abused child, had loving and caring parents, family and siblings. I wonder now had I been given this option how things would have been. I don't dwell on it, I am 43 and know now that I can offer this Choice to my neices and nephews as well as other children. Thank you very much for bringing this important issue to light. Blessings to all, main point no matter what and or how you feel towards article, is that we keep Children Safe!
Load More Replies... For children within the Autism spectrum, this would be a cardinal rule. Our society ignores the needs of special children
Though I do agree for some children with autism this is something important, but children with autism can also hate it if they are put on a label that seems to give people the right to decide things for them before even knowing them. I am especially saying this for parents of young autistic children who should always remember not to do things because their child has autism, but because that is what their child needs.
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Love this article! Just recently my daughters great grandmother came over to our apartment and by the end my poor child was so distraught I felt so bad for her. Great grandma has no sense of boundaries even while my child was saying and eventually screaming no she continued making her give her kisses (I tried to tell her my daughter was saying no but ofc with old people they don't listen). My boyfriend returned later that evening from his job and asked how everything went so I explained everything. He then asked her if she enjoyed seeing great grandma to which she started to cry and scream watching our front door to see if she was coming back....my poor little girl is now scared of her and I don't blame her one bit! Affection must be earned...you can't expect my child to hug or kiss you when you've only seen her a total of 6 times in her life and don't even give her respect for her personal space. People think I'm wrong for giving her a choice but they're wrong for not understanding.
I'm very sorry your daughter was scared like that.
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I completely agree. I'm 29 and I suffer from social anxiaty desorder. For me it's two-sens feeling, because I hate the parents who tell their kids make a hug/kiss ME. I don't feel confortable with touching anybody, even the children, but I have to, because if I say no to the parents/kids I will look like heartless person
You shouldn't have to feel like people will judge you for not wanting physical contact with other people. I'm sure if you just say that you would feel uncomfortable doing so to the parent or even child then they will understand as long as you're polite
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It's all about personal boundaries and comfort level. The mom states in her letter that she expects her daughter to be polite, and that she can high five or shake hands as an alternative. Adults have a say in their personal preferences; children should have the same opportunity.
This has been paramount to my relationship to my niece, and I was very glad to see that my siblings had the same idea. My sister's parenting style has always been very open and based on their ability to choose: they aren't forced to finish their plates if they really aren't hungry, they can choose what they wear, and they're consulted on a multitude of things. It's so much more encouraging for a child to see that they can decide on things and have those decisions respected, and explore the consequences of those choices. Of course, it's within reason.
I'm not a big hugger of little kids. I find workarounds. Example 1: If I wanted to be affectionate with my pre-school nephew, I would say, "Sucky aunt!" He would bent his head forward and I'd kiss the top. Example 2: My husband introduced me to a couple with a 5-year-old daughter. I shook hands with the parent, then held out my hand to their daughter. She looked daggers at me for a few seconds, while hugging her toy dog closer. So I shook hands with the toy dog and said, "He gives a paw! Does he do other tricks."
I'd like a sign that says, "I'm 53 and my body is my body. Don't force me to hug, kiss, or handshake." I have an aunt that STILL kisses me on the lips! I am a germaphobe and have always had a very large personal bubble. Mom says that, even as a baby, I wasn't much of a snuggler. My daughter is like me, and it means so much to receive a true hug from her. We respect each others' wishes. There are so many more ways to show acknowledgement and love than by touching. Fist bumps with strangers and friends, a flower or small gift for friends and family, and a smile for everyone.
"give affection only when YOU feel like it?" Um, hell yes? I'm not some mindless slave who must always live to make others happy. If they can't be happy with a "hello" or high five, it's their issue, not mine. And to impose that responsibility of making everybody happy, even when it requires you doing something you don't feel comfortable doing, upon a child is wrong.
When I was a kid I absouloutley hated being touched by people I didn't know, and I think this is an amazing idea.
Personally, as a young child this wasn't much of an issue. I was happy enough to give/receive physical affection; however, as I got older that changed. The problem then became that since I used to be very physically affectionate people expected that from me. While some family members recognized the change and have respected it, there are some (such as my mother) who have not. What I hate the most is when I'm told I owe someone physical affection because they are my relative or did something huge for me. Just because I don't want to give a hug or kiss doesn't mean I love them any less or that I'm not grateful...it just means that touch often makes me uncomfortable. The problem with pushing anyone to be physically affectionate is, in my mind, the changes it will bring to those relationships. I resent my mom continuing to force affection. I'm ok giving hugs...sometimes. Not all the time. It has caused a number of other problems to pop up in our relationship. So even more than showing that you don't owe anyone anything physical, it should also be about learning how to have healthy, happy relationships with mutual respect. You want a hug and I don't want to give one? How about a handshake and a nice conversation? You still feel valued and that I'm interested in your life and I don't have to give affection that I'm not ok giving.
Don't overthink some things, a hug a handshake, high 5, a nod, take the lead from the child and move on. I have 3 grandsons which 2 were 3 and 4 when I meet them, they hugged me the 1st time and every time they see me, they are huggers. My grandson from birth who I seen almost every day for 3 years hugs when he wants too sometimes 50 times a visit sometime none. All good, I never forced my kids too hug or kiss anyone but a hello for sure.
At 4 yrs old a man forced me to sit on his lap. I peed on him. To this day my nickname is 'pudddles'. Respect people regardless of their age
I think the mother is right. When I was a child, I was very shy and I didn't feel very comfortable kissing and hugging everybody. My mother, one of the greatest women I have ever met, told me to do whatever made me feel comfortable as long as I was polite. She taught me that we all are entitle to make our own choices, that being somebody's child doesn't mean our parents own us, and that we doesn't have to wait to became teenagers or adults leaving their parents' home to ask for respect and privacy.
I believe this 100% ,I always thought I never had a say growing up
I think this is a GREAT healthy way to teach children to respect their own bodies and boundaries at least as much as they respect other people. To those who say this teaches them to be selfish, I don't see ANYWHERE that the mother is advocating to grant her daughter freedom to do as she pleases, or to be rude, or to not greet people, she just allows her daughter greater control over her on body and the decision on how specifically to greet people. It doesn't anywhere say that the mom is giving her daughter free reign to decide everything in her life (like not doing her chores and generally not doing what she's told). Some of you need to learn to read, people.
I'm the last born of my cousins and had an adult male cousin kiss me when I was a kid. It happened once and my parents and I left and I never saw that cousin again. However every time other family was around my parents had to tell the adults to leave me alone. That experience was just so weird that I never really liked hugging strangers/ family after that.
Thanks All involved in this article, made some really interesting points that reminded me to assess how my kids are interacting with others
An open hand is a very powerful thing. I've had many parents in my family tell their kids "give nyello a hug goodbye". Some I've only meant once or twice but you can see the uneasiness in some kids. I started just offering an open hand, giving them the choice. I've gotten many high fives which is great. It later turns into hand holding and cuddles. :)
While I am always in favour of challenging things "we have always done" if they do not seem to be right, this one at least needs to be assessed critical. The way of representing "MY BODY IS MY BODY" and all the following text in all caps at least hints to that this discussion is not based on facts but on the subjective perception of one person. I truly do not know the psychology behind that and would guess it needs psychologists and pedagogists to qualifiedly comment on the underlying mechanics in a child’s mind. I find it equally wrong if parents force their children to have close bodily contact to other persons and to NOT teach your children social behaviour specific to your own culture. As usual, a balanced attitude and a balanced approach might be the best one.
It's pretty simple. As an adult, how would you feel about having a total stranger touch you - kiss you, hug your whole body, pinch parts of it - if you wanted exactly none of it? Why would you inflict that on a child, especially a girl, who will face a society where her comfort and safety is far, FAR too often passing second to other people's enjoyment? The moment they're old enough to refuse to be touched by people who don't NEED to be touching them - which is pretty much everyone apart from the parents - it should be respected, to teach them that their boundaries SHOULD be respected. That's how you teach a kid self-worth: by showing that you recognize the validity of their choices for themselves.
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I think it's cultural, it would be unheard of for a Brazilian child to not allow another family member or close friend of the family to kiss them on the cheek or vice versa. It's a sign of utter disrespect towards the other individual much in the same way that here in America not offering your hand when someone wants to shake it would be considered extremely rude.
http://polishandpolitics.tumblr.com/post/137826468835/stop-forcing-your-daughters-to-hug-the-family
That's a very broad statement to say that in the thousands of years of human recorded history (and waaay more before that) that absolutely no one on planet Earth has needed one. Think bigger. What about those who are hit with a tragic loss? Look at all those people we see in the news right after something like this happens. What about a funeral? There are plenty of people who "need" a compassionate hug sometimes. This is one thing that separates us from animals. (...no, not hugging, but the ability to comfort those who need it)
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Oh this is tricky!! I think we need to be a bit more open to what we teach children abut their bodies Of course their body is their own and we need to make them aware that certain kind of touches are but if this is about more than just a loving hug IE 'Abuse' then of course teach them to be safe, but surely we don't want to plant bad ideas about hugging 'regularly seen' family members or close friends into their heads either! I have grandchildren in NZ and wouldn't expect them to feel comfy enough to give me a hug when I visit. i would be a stranger to them! But surely we can do better here and think more carefully about what we say and the suggestions we make to children subconsciously! By saying 'its your body and you get to decide' is also making them have thoughts that there shouldn't allow any physical contact at all. That would be a sad world. Better education on what to say is out there to choose. So we don't need to go quite this far!!
A little girl could hold out her hand, back side up to be kissed and to say it's nice to see you too. A little boy shakes hands and responds with a greeting. If these practices have stayed that way over the years, Children would not come to physical or emotional harm from Uncle Hands on every part of your body without anyone seeing him do it. Do not force your child to go with someone you love if your child has that look of being scared.
How would you like it if your husband made you kiss his co workers or boss when you met This is not a hard decision . Let the child kiss and hug and apologize to whom they wish and save someone from sex abuse !Don't raise a victim .
What is consent for a 4 years old child??? A child is not a responsable human. Do we ask to our children when we teach them a language, a dinner they don't like, when we give them an education, when we force them to go to school? All these things are alienation of the children and are done without their consent…
I don't like physical contact but I'm actually being forced by therapists to hug people because otherwise I'm just not "normal"
Oh dear, find another therapist and don't let anyone force you to do anything. Ever. You don't need to be 'normal' to be happy.
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I wz molested by an uncle. I wz nvr told I HAD 2b affectionate relatives but b/c no 1 thought 2teach me 'no'-didn't say it when sh*t got rlz
I'm so sorry to hear that. People are not at all conscious of how many children are being abused and molested, so much many more than they think. And how often it is a family member.
Load More Replies... The quote from Diana Oliveira is incredibly ironic: she's petrified that her opportunity to continue her own selfish behavior is being thwarted.
How greeting relatives could be harmful? We have to learn how to protect our children and also teach them how this world works, not over protect them. We as parents have to tell to our kids wath to do (Just in some cases, many), but we are not allowed to separate the children from the outter world. Because for more of us, is easiest over protect children than let them discover the world and taking care of what could happen without cut their ways.
It's harmful because we force them to do something that is not necessary - touch and be touched by people they might not want to be touched by, which is something that is actually 100% permissible in the adult world. The parents' perception of relationships between their children and their relative is coloured by their adult understanding. If a child sees uncles and aunts and grandparents only once or twice a year, they're literally strangers to them. Would you like to be FORCED to kiss and hug complete strangers?
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How about, I am five,, dont use my image in a marketing campaign for a cause im too young to understand and accurately consent too,, that image is now on the internet for all kind of predators too see, even more worrying, it may have been a hired model to take the photo, wivh opens up another can of worms qas to wether its ok to exploit a child for modelling purposes,, and thus it never ends
Actually it's a stock photo
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Crazy, ridiculous, insane. So does this go for the doctor, the dentist, their teachers? That they can say no to an adult and they will be obeyed? That's crazy for a child. That doesn't develop respect for adults, that develops arrogance towards adults.
A lot of this reminds me of the Shakespearean line about "protesting too much". From my own observations, kids overwhelmingly tend to be obstinate and resistant to things because they're testing parental limits to see what they can get with away doing, or not doing... not because they feel "violated".
Don't you think you are being a little presumptuous? You should work on that.
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Interesting idea but didn't we all experienced this when we were young? And did we all suffer from it? Sorry but we are taking this way to far. Kids should also learn about the lesser things in life. There is nothing wrong with the occasional cry or not liking.
I think the main point for doing this is not only to save the child a little discomfort or a distressing but harmless situations, it is to teach the child that NOBODY can demand that she be physically affectionate with them, if she doesn't want that, even the closest family members, it is teaching her that it is not expected of her to let anybody touch her if she doesn't want it, so that she will be better equipped to avoid sexual abuse as a child, and consent as an adult later in life. You'd be surprised how many girls just go along with sex to please someone even if they don't want sex or to prevent that someone to become angry or disappointed with them.
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This is a stupid article making victims of kids unnecessarily and adding more pc culture to an already difficult enough job of raising kids. Parents that don't respect their child's wishes (about hugging/kissing strangers) really don't use much common sense. Every child is different but each must be taught respect and if they are lucky enough to have a family, should be taught to be courteous and graceful to their family. I realize that this author touched on that, but it seems she is making a mountain from a molehill.
Yes, a pretty girl, but it's a stock photo, not the girl in the story.
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I cannot speak for little boys, but I can assure you that for myself as a child and for my daughter, hugging any man other that dad was not wanted. It was scary and gross at the same time. Instead of trying to hug, people should just try to develop a closer relationship with the kid. Maybe eventually they will want to hug that adult.
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A fetus is not a human being. Catastrophic generalization seems to be common amongst idiots.
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There are other ways of showing love and affection than physical touch. And often times children don't remember relatives they've only seen twice a year or so, or even people they saw five months ago. To the children, they're strangers who they call "nana" or "cousin" and are forced to touch for no reason other than to avoid hurting their feelings. Basic social skills call for understanding the importance of showing affection in certain situations and how to do it. It takes a deeper understanding to be able to know when those things are not called for, and to understand that they are a privilege and not a right, and when such things are unwanted. If an adult is unable to tell that a child does not recognize them, does not want to touch them, and should not be responsible for making the adult happy, the adult is in the one who needs to be taught real love and social skills, not the child.
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Nothing to do with it. If they see their grandparents once every few months, they're still essentially strangers, and they're still 100% entitled to refuse to be touched if they don't want to be. Phones and tablets are electronic devices. They're not human, or even living beings.
Load More Replies... We're not talking about loving touch. We're talking about unsolicited, unwanted touch on an individual whose agency is ignored because of their age. Whoever you are, being "lovingly touched" by someone who creeps you out is a traumatizing experience, especially when it's forced on you by the very people who are supposed to protect you: your parents.
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Why are you so angry? The article doesn't say anything about cleaning or chores. It's specifically about not forcing anyone to give physical affection when they don't want to.
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Parents listening to kids as if they're actual human beings, and not mindless dolls who can't think or feel. What could possibly go wrong?
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Thats not what the article said AT ALL. Maybe go re-read it? Let a child own their own body & greet people hoewever they want... Even their own mother & father.
Load More Replies... I seriously do not get, in this discussion and any other, how "liberal" can be used as a swearword. I find liberty and equality rather desirable.
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I wonder how she feels about having her image and story plastered all over the internet?
I suppose there is no need to ask permission for that...
Load More Replies... i a mom and i think this is a good idea. children often are force to do thing that they dont want to do and just because they are children their opinion dont matter
I witnessed at a family meeting from my fiancees side how a granddaugther was forced to hug their grandparents and she did everything to wiggle out from their arms asap. If the 5 year old kid sees them twice a year, they are strangers to her, and I am positive she doesn't grasp fully the family relations idea yet. i felt very sorry for her and I am sure that the hugh-high five-hello-handshake option is way better than what I had to see.
This article is a Huge eye opener. I was an abused child, had loving and caring parents, family and siblings. I wonder now had I been given this option how things would have been. I don't dwell on it, I am 43 and know now that I can offer this Choice to my neices and nephews as well as other children. Thank you very much for bringing this important issue to light. Blessings to all, main point no matter what and or how you feel towards article, is that we keep Children Safe!
Load More Replies... For children within the Autism spectrum, this would be a cardinal rule. Our society ignores the needs of special children
Though I do agree for some children with autism this is something important, but children with autism can also hate it if they are put on a label that seems to give people the right to decide things for them before even knowing them. I am especially saying this for parents of young autistic children who should always remember not to do things because their child has autism, but because that is what their child needs.
Load More Replies... Love this article! Just recently my daughters great grandmother came over to our apartment and by the end my poor child was so distraught I felt so bad for her. Great grandma has no sense of boundaries even while my child was saying and eventually screaming no she continued making her give her kisses (I tried to tell her my daughter was saying no but ofc with old people they don't listen). My boyfriend returned later that evening from his job and asked how everything went so I explained everything. He then asked her if she enjoyed seeing great grandma to which she started to cry and scream watching our front door to see if she was coming back....my poor little girl is now scared of her and I don't blame her one bit! Affection must be earned...you can't expect my child to hug or kiss you when you've only seen her a total of 6 times in her life and don't even give her respect for her personal space. People think I'm wrong for giving her a choice but they're wrong for not understanding.
I'm very sorry your daughter was scared like that.
Load More Replies... I completely agree. I'm 29 and I suffer from social anxiaty desorder. For me it's two-sens feeling, because I hate the parents who tell their kids make a hug/kiss ME. I don't feel confortable with touching anybody, even the children, but I have to, because if I say no to the parents/kids I will look like heartless person
You shouldn't have to feel like people will judge you for not wanting physical contact with other people. I'm sure if you just say that you would feel uncomfortable doing so to the parent or even child then they will understand as long as you're polite
Load More Replies... It's all about personal boundaries and comfort level. The mom states in her letter that she expects her daughter to be polite, and that she can high five or shake hands as an alternative. Adults have a say in their personal preferences; children should have the same opportunity.
This has been paramount to my relationship to my niece, and I was very glad to see that my siblings had the same idea. My sister's parenting style has always been very open and based on their ability to choose: they aren't forced to finish their plates if they really aren't hungry, they can choose what they wear, and they're consulted on a multitude of things. It's so much more encouraging for a child to see that they can decide on things and have those decisions respected, and explore the consequences of those choices. Of course, it's within reason.
I'm not a big hugger of little kids. I find workarounds. Example 1: If I wanted to be affectionate with my pre-school nephew, I would say, "Sucky aunt!" He would bent his head forward and I'd kiss the top. Example 2: My husband introduced me to a couple with a 5-year-old daughter. I shook hands with the parent, then held out my hand to their daughter. She looked daggers at me for a few seconds, while hugging her toy dog closer. So I shook hands with the toy dog and said, "He gives a paw! Does he do other tricks."
I'd like a sign that says, "I'm 53 and my body is my body. Don't force me to hug, kiss, or handshake." I have an aunt that STILL kisses me on the lips! I am a germaphobe and have always had a very large personal bubble. Mom says that, even as a baby, I wasn't much of a snuggler. My daughter is like me, and it means so much to receive a true hug from her. We respect each others' wishes. There are so many more ways to show acknowledgement and love than by touching. Fist bumps with strangers and friends, a flower or small gift for friends and family, and a smile for everyone.
"give affection only when YOU feel like it?" Um, hell yes? I'm not some mindless slave who must always live to make others happy. If they can't be happy with a "hello" or high five, it's their issue, not mine. And to impose that responsibility of making everybody happy, even when it requires you doing something you don't feel comfortable doing, upon a child is wrong.
When I was a kid I absouloutley hated being touched by people I didn't know, and I think this is an amazing idea.
Personally, as a young child this wasn't much of an issue. I was happy enough to give/receive physical affection; however, as I got older that changed. The problem then became that since I used to be very physically affectionate people expected that from me. While some family members recognized the change and have respected it, there are some (such as my mother) who have not. What I hate the most is when I'm told I owe someone physical affection because they are my relative or did something huge for me. Just because I don't want to give a hug or kiss doesn't mean I love them any less or that I'm not grateful...it just means that touch often makes me uncomfortable. The problem with pushing anyone to be physically affectionate is, in my mind, the changes it will bring to those relationships. I resent my mom continuing to force affection. I'm ok giving hugs...sometimes. Not all the time. It has caused a number of other problems to pop up in our relationship. So even more than showing that you don't owe anyone anything physical, it should also be about learning how to have healthy, happy relationships with mutual respect. You want a hug and I don't want to give one? How about a handshake and a nice conversation? You still feel valued and that I'm interested in your life and I don't have to give affection that I'm not ok giving.
Don't overthink some things, a hug a handshake, high 5, a nod, take the lead from the child and move on. I have 3 grandsons which 2 were 3 and 4 when I meet them, they hugged me the 1st time and every time they see me, they are huggers. My grandson from birth who I seen almost every day for 3 years hugs when he wants too sometimes 50 times a visit sometime none. All good, I never forced my kids too hug or kiss anyone but a hello for sure.
At 4 yrs old a man forced me to sit on his lap. I peed on him. To this day my nickname is 'pudddles'. Respect people regardless of their age
I think the mother is right. When I was a child, I was very shy and I didn't feel very comfortable kissing and hugging everybody. My mother, one of the greatest women I have ever met, told me to do whatever made me feel comfortable as long as I was polite. She taught me that we all are entitle to make our own choices, that being somebody's child doesn't mean our parents own us, and that we doesn't have to wait to became teenagers or adults leaving their parents' home to ask for respect and privacy.
I believe this 100% ,I always thought I never had a say growing up
I think this is a GREAT healthy way to teach children to respect their own bodies and boundaries at least as much as they respect other people. To those who say this teaches them to be selfish, I don't see ANYWHERE that the mother is advocating to grant her daughter freedom to do as she pleases, or to be rude, or to not greet people, she just allows her daughter greater control over her on body and the decision on how specifically to greet people. It doesn't anywhere say that the mom is giving her daughter free reign to decide everything in her life (like not doing her chores and generally not doing what she's told). Some of you need to learn to read, people.
I'm the last born of my cousins and had an adult male cousin kiss me when I was a kid. It happened once and my parents and I left and I never saw that cousin again. However every time other family was around my parents had to tell the adults to leave me alone. That experience was just so weird that I never really liked hugging strangers/ family after that.
Thanks All involved in this article, made some really interesting points that reminded me to assess how my kids are interacting with others
An open hand is a very powerful thing. I've had many parents in my family tell their kids "give nyello a hug goodbye". Some I've only meant once or twice but you can see the uneasiness in some kids. I started just offering an open hand, giving them the choice. I've gotten many high fives which is great. It later turns into hand holding and cuddles. :)
While I am always in favour of challenging things "we have always done" if they do not seem to be right, this one at least needs to be assessed critical. The way of representing "MY BODY IS MY BODY" and all the following text in all caps at least hints to that this discussion is not based on facts but on the subjective perception of one person. I truly do not know the psychology behind that and would guess it needs psychologists and pedagogists to qualifiedly comment on the underlying mechanics in a child’s mind. I find it equally wrong if parents force their children to have close bodily contact to other persons and to NOT teach your children social behaviour specific to your own culture. As usual, a balanced attitude and a balanced approach might be the best one.
It's pretty simple. As an adult, how would you feel about having a total stranger touch you - kiss you, hug your whole body, pinch parts of it - if you wanted exactly none of it? Why would you inflict that on a child, especially a girl, who will face a society where her comfort and safety is far, FAR too often passing second to other people's enjoyment? The moment they're old enough to refuse to be touched by people who don't NEED to be touching them - which is pretty much everyone apart from the parents - it should be respected, to teach them that their boundaries SHOULD be respected. That's how you teach a kid self-worth: by showing that you recognize the validity of their choices for themselves.
Load More Replies... I think it's cultural, it would be unheard of for a Brazilian child to not allow another family member or close friend of the family to kiss them on the cheek or vice versa. It's a sign of utter disrespect towards the other individual much in the same way that here in America not offering your hand when someone wants to shake it would be considered extremely rude.
http://polishandpolitics.tumblr.com/post/137826468835/stop-forcing-your-daughters-to-hug-the-family
That's a very broad statement to say that in the thousands of years of human recorded history (and waaay more before that) that absolutely no one on planet Earth has needed one. Think bigger. What about those who are hit with a tragic loss? Look at all those people we see in the news right after something like this happens. What about a funeral? There are plenty of people who "need" a compassionate hug sometimes. This is one thing that separates us from animals. (...no, not hugging, but the ability to comfort those who need it)
Load More Replies... Oh this is tricky!! I think we need to be a bit more open to what we teach children abut their bodies Of course their body is their own and we need to make them aware that certain kind of touches are but if this is about more than just a loving hug IE 'Abuse' then of course teach them to be safe, but surely we don't want to plant bad ideas about hugging 'regularly seen' family members or close friends into their heads either! I have grandchildren in NZ and wouldn't expect them to feel comfy enough to give me a hug when I visit. i would be a stranger to them! But surely we can do better here and think more carefully about what we say and the suggestions we make to children subconsciously! By saying 'its your body and you get to decide' is also making them have thoughts that there shouldn't allow any physical contact at all. That would be a sad world. Better education on what to say is out there to choose. So we don't need to go quite this far!!
A little girl could hold out her hand, back side up to be kissed and to say it's nice to see you too. A little boy shakes hands and responds with a greeting. If these practices have stayed that way over the years, Children would not come to physical or emotional harm from Uncle Hands on every part of your body without anyone seeing him do it. Do not force your child to go with someone you love if your child has that look of being scared.
How would you like it if your husband made you kiss his co workers or boss when you met This is not a hard decision . Let the child kiss and hug and apologize to whom they wish and save someone from sex abuse !Don't raise a victim .
What is consent for a 4 years old child??? A child is not a responsable human. Do we ask to our children when we teach them a language, a dinner they don't like, when we give them an education, when we force them to go to school? All these things are alienation of the children and are done without their consent…
I don't like physical contact but I'm actually being forced by therapists to hug people because otherwise I'm just not "normal"
Oh dear, find another therapist and don't let anyone force you to do anything. Ever. You don't need to be 'normal' to be happy.
Load More Replies... I wz molested by an uncle. I wz nvr told I HAD 2b affectionate relatives but b/c no 1 thought 2teach me 'no'-didn't say it when sh*t got rlz
I'm so sorry to hear that. People are not at all conscious of how many children are being abused and molested, so much many more than they think. And how often it is a family member.
Load More Replies... The quote from Diana Oliveira is incredibly ironic: she's petrified that her opportunity to continue her own selfish behavior is being thwarted.
How greeting relatives could be harmful? We have to learn how to protect our children and also teach them how this world works, not over protect them. We as parents have to tell to our kids wath to do (Just in some cases, many), but we are not allowed to separate the children from the outter world. Because for more of us, is easiest over protect children than let them discover the world and taking care of what could happen without cut their ways.
It's harmful because we force them to do something that is not necessary - touch and be touched by people they might not want to be touched by, which is something that is actually 100% permissible in the adult world. The parents' perception of relationships between their children and their relative is coloured by their adult understanding. If a child sees uncles and aunts and grandparents only once or twice a year, they're literally strangers to them. Would you like to be FORCED to kiss and hug complete strangers?
Load More Replies... How about, I am five,, dont use my image in a marketing campaign for a cause im too young to understand and accurately consent too,, that image is now on the internet for all kind of predators too see, even more worrying, it may have been a hired model to take the photo, wivh opens up another can of worms qas to wether its ok to exploit a child for modelling purposes,, and thus it never ends
Actually it's a stock photo
Load More Replies... Crazy, ridiculous, insane. So does this go for the doctor, the dentist, their teachers? That they can say no to an adult and they will be obeyed? That's crazy for a child. That doesn't develop respect for adults, that develops arrogance towards adults.
A lot of this reminds me of the Shakespearean line about "protesting too much". From my own observations, kids overwhelmingly tend to be obstinate and resistant to things because they're testing parental limits to see what they can get with away doing, or not doing... not because they feel "violated".
Don't you think you are being a little presumptuous? You should work on that.
Load More Replies... Interesting idea but didn't we all experienced this when we were young? And did we all suffer from it? Sorry but we are taking this way to far. Kids should also learn about the lesser things in life. There is nothing wrong with the occasional cry or not liking.
I think the main point for doing this is not only to save the child a little discomfort or a distressing but harmless situations, it is to teach the child that NOBODY can demand that she be physically affectionate with them, if she doesn't want that, even the closest family members, it is teaching her that it is not expected of her to let anybody touch her if she doesn't want it, so that she will be better equipped to avoid sexual abuse as a child, and consent as an adult later in life. You'd be surprised how many girls just go along with sex to please someone even if they don't want sex or to prevent that someone to become angry or disappointed with them.
Load More Replies... This is a stupid article making victims of kids unnecessarily and adding more pc culture to an already difficult enough job of raising kids. Parents that don't respect their child's wishes (about hugging/kissing strangers) really don't use much common sense. Every child is different but each must be taught respect and if they are lucky enough to have a family, should be taught to be courteous and graceful to their family. I realize that this author touched on that, but it seems she is making a mountain from a molehill.
Yes, a pretty girl, but it's a stock photo, not the girl in the story.
Load More Replies... I cannot speak for little boys, but I can assure you that for myself as a child and for my daughter, hugging any man other that dad was not wanted. It was scary and gross at the same time. Instead of trying to hug, people should just try to develop a closer relationship with the kid. Maybe eventually they will want to hug that adult.
Load More Replies... A fetus is not a human being. Catastrophic generalization seems to be common amongst idiots.
Load More Replies... There are other ways of showing love and affection than physical touch. And often times children don't remember relatives they've only seen twice a year or so, or even people they saw five months ago. To the children, they're strangers who they call "nana" or "cousin" and are forced to touch for no reason other than to avoid hurting their feelings. Basic social skills call for understanding the importance of showing affection in certain situations and how to do it. It takes a deeper understanding to be able to know when those things are not called for, and to understand that they are a privilege and not a right, and when such things are unwanted. If an adult is unable to tell that a child does not recognize them, does not want to touch them, and should not be responsible for making the adult happy, the adult is in the one who needs to be taught real love and social skills, not the child.
Load More Replies... Nothing to do with it. If they see their grandparents once every few months, they're still essentially strangers, and they're still 100% entitled to refuse to be touched if they don't want to be. Phones and tablets are electronic devices. They're not human, or even living beings.
Load More Replies... We're not talking about loving touch. We're talking about unsolicited, unwanted touch on an individual whose agency is ignored because of their age. Whoever you are, being "lovingly touched" by someone who creeps you out is a traumatizing experience, especially when it's forced on you by the very people who are supposed to protect you: your parents.
Load More Replies... Why are you so angry? The article doesn't say anything about cleaning or chores. It's specifically about not forcing anyone to give physical affection when they don't want to.
Load More Replies... Parents listening to kids as if they're actual human beings, and not mindless dolls who can't think or feel. What could possibly go wrong?
Load More Replies... Thats not what the article said AT ALL. Maybe go re-read it? Let a child own their own body & greet people hoewever they want... Even their own mother & father.
Load More Replies... I seriously do not get, in this discussion and any other, how "liberal" can be used as a swearword. I find liberty and equality rather desirable.
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