Just days after George Floyd’s death, an unarmed black man who died in police custody, Cameron Welch from Houston, Texas, posted a clip on TikTok that illustrates the racial tensions the US currently faces. In the video, the 18-year-old shares the unwritten rules his mom has instilled in him in order to stay safe.
“Don’t ride with the music too loud. Never leave the store without a receipt or a bag, even if it’s just a pack of gum.” It’s heartbreaking that someone needs such a list. We shouldn’t have to live like this.
Cameron’s TikTok immediately went viral. It has been viewed more than 10 million times and has received over 45,000 comments, most of which criticize the injustice in America.
Image credits: camig.ftp
Watch the full video below
@skoodupcamJus some unwritten rules my mom makes me follow as a young black man ##fyp ##blacklivesmatter♬ original sound – marcappalott
“I made the video for more people to understand how my people feel day to day,” Welch told Bored Panda, adding that, “The attention I’m receiving is very positive [and I] love to see that I’m making a difference.”
The teen believes that our society has been at a standstill when it comes to racial discrimination for a very long time and now we are actually moving in the right direction.
And he has a point. Similar versions of The Talk have been around since the days when a black man could be lynched for “reckless eyeballing” and “bumptious contact,” or for simply refusing to step off a sidewalk when a white person approaches.
Image credits: www.tiktok.com
Sadly, it shows that there’s something intrinsically wrong in the first place. Fred Robinson, a minister and father of three children, including one teenager said he too was taught to cooperate with cops. But he thinks The Talk has to change because, according to him, it puts the burden on black behavior. There isn’t a critique of the public or the authorities, it’s all about what black people are supposed to do.
“It puts the focus on us rather than where it should be — on racism in the police department and the way black people are targeted,” Robinson told CNN. “We are Americans and we ought to have a right to have a bad day, to question a police officer or to question an order that doesn’t seem right.”
Welch expressed similar thoughts, too. “Our voices are heard but not felt by the people. We endure too much pain and hurt to just be heard — we need you to feel just a fragment of what my people feel on a day-to-day basis in order to get meaningful change. I believe if you felt the bottled-up emotions of silence that our country makes us hold in, then we can make real change, because not one race should ever feel this way,” he said.
Here’s what people said after watching the viral TikTok
Just a little comment to those thinking these are "normal rules for all kids" - yes, they might be considered practical, normal rules. The difference is - black people fear being hurt or killed if they don't follow the rules. Us white ones? Sure we ought to wear proper clothing and all, but the police won't shoot us "by accident" if we fail to comply. (at least the risk is very much smaller, and that's a fact!)
The risk is also much, much smaller in countries where the police don't have guns as standard.
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To those who are saying that these are rules for everyone: Not every race gets killed or beaten or detained for just being that race. My father had the police called on him for throwing newspapers. Can any of you say that happened to you? My sister and I almost had the police called on us at a gas station even though we paid for the gas. Did this happen to you. Please stop comparing experiences and just listen to us. Please. As much as you think you do, you don't understand.
Deanna, I wish that your response could get upvoted to the top of this thread. Many of us are not from the US and are reading this article with a lot of cultural bias. I think that more people really need to be directed to your response.
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I think the main point of this young man's post is that the things his mother taught him may actually be a life or death situation for him... where the treatment he might receive as consequence would outstrip anything done to a white person in the exact same situation. It made me sad to hear how he has to censor his life in order to survive in society (in a system that is against him from the get-go). I was horrified to learn that George Floyd was unlawfully killed because of a possible fake $20 bill!
Plus, as the respective shop owner mentioned, he might have not even been aware it was fake.
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While the news makes it clear you have a reason to fear prosecution for things I might not, alot of these are basic good sense. I would never reach for anything in the glove compartment until the police are where they can see my hands and ask for it. I'm white and female, but they could still think I am going for a gun. Actually, I got raised with several of these rules. As far as the receipt even for gum, when I was in my teens I did occasionally get followed by clerks who thought I might shop lift. Stores don't trust young people, including middleclass white girls. Staring makes me uncomfortable no matter who is doing it. Unless he's at the beach or out running (in running shorts and not carrying anything), shirts in public is more appropriate regardless of color.
Excellent points. I know when I took my kids to stores when they were little, I told them if they weren't thinking of buying, don't touch. That one is simply being polite. The store workers have to go and straighten shelves. But that, obviously, isn't the reason this mother had to warn her son. But I'm understanding the thought process behind all of this mother's warnings.
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It's interesting how most of the people commenting think these are unwritten rules for being "polite". These are unwritten rules so the police don't have to get involved and mess you up. "Never leave the store without a receipt or a bag, even if it's just a pack of gum" that's not normal advice folks. Having your mom tell you to carry documentation for every small purchase isn't normal.
SAF, I'm not from the United States so I cannot speak for certain, but I believe what the young man in the Ticktock video is trying to get at is that so many of us take these unwritten rules for granted. However, for a young black man in the US, they risk being brutally murdered if they don't follow one of these "common courtesy rules." His mother has to fear for her own son's life. It all comes down to privilege.
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I am SHOCKED by how many people here are dismissing The Talk by saying it's just common sense. I first heard about The Talk when tattooing a black woman about 15 years ago. And I have asked every single person of color since then about The Talk and each one has had one or even two. The first is when a child of color first realizes they have been discriminated against and second one usually comes later and is essentially a field guide to minimize the risk of a POC being beaten, unlawfully arrested, harassed or killed. It's NOT just about how to navigate the world in a safe and reasonable manner....It's about how not to get KILLED for being black in America. That is a conversation that I, as a white woman, am never going to have to have with my children.
Thank you for your understanding, Jenny. I am almost in tears right now because I have read the comments from people who say that this is common sense or that she is teaching him to be afraid. That just don't understand what it is like to be a black person in America and I don't think that they want to. So thank you.
Load More Replies... Apart from the fact that black people have to get a "How to survive in the USA" training, it's astonishing that some people post racist comments which come down to: "Black people are more criminal than whites." But if you search for "racist laws USA" you find the reasons why black people are made criminal by discriminatory laws. You also find that the US lady Justice is a white b***h wearing shades instead of a blindfold. Studies have shown that (1) If a black person and a white person each commit a crime, the black person is more likely to be arrested. This is due in part to the fact that black people are more heavily policed. (2) When black people are arrested for a crime, they are convicted more often than white people arrested for the same crime. (3) When black people are convicted of a crime, they are more likely to be sentenced to incarceration compared to whites convicted of the same crime. So much for racial equality...
This reminds me of life under military dictatorship (I'm from Uruguay). Constant fear, even of acting naturally.
As a mother of a son, (a white son) I had no idea just how awful it was for young men of color. Oh, of course, you hear and see things on the news, on the internet. But it really never quite hit home. This made me cry. I want to help, but at the same time, do not want to overstep. If my speaking up can help, I will. But sometimes in our efforts to help, we can be a bit overbearing. So, my friends in the black community, what, as a white woman can I do? I want to help, but want to respect your dignity. No one wants pity. I remember when I had breast cancer, so many well meaning friends in their efforts to try to help made me feel like a victim. And I don't want to do that to anyone. All that being said, I can protest if that helps. I do (and will continue) to donate to causes that I believe help (NAACP, ACLU). And I always speak out against racism and bigotry.
My cousin, a white woman, is raising two black sons. I have seen how terribly these young men are treated just for being black. No one cares that they are honor roll students and talented musicians, they are still treated like criminals no matter how well spoken they are or how well dressed they are. The oldest was stopped in Walmart and questioned because he had his younger sister with him, they wanted to know why a black teenager was with a white child - the police were called and he was handcuffed and questioned. It was heartbreaking. HEARTBREAKING. He could have been killed for it. If he was white, that never would have happened.
Load More Replies... These are all horrible, but "never stare at a Caucasian woman"? Never stare at anyone, it's just rude. Also, as a woman, I empathise with some of these, like the "don't stay out too late" one (although, in Korea not so much, thankfully) and the fact that you have to be careful about what you wear. Anyway, these are awful and have to change!
"never stare at a Caucasian woman" There are times, especially when you are at a public transport that you just stare off into space but there are some Caucasian people that would take offense, when in reality your just off in your world and all that is, is nothing but a blank stare. Believe me because it's already happened to me. Imagine being yelled at and threatened for day dreaming/thinking. And yes, I got kicked out of the bus by a white bus driver, I was 18 at the time. I was so scared and shocked I really had no idea how I should have reacted. And no, I'm not black I'm Pacific Islander. It happens to people of color so commonly in big cities.
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Not looking to argue, just to identify. As I white man I teach my daughter the same rules about interacting with the police. Many of the other rules too but I just consider them to be polite.
Yes, but not following those rules will most likely not get your daughter killed. For a black youth, not following those rules can result in prison time or death.
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I'm a white woman in my 60s. When I was younger I thought the same as whites here, not really believing that black young men were targeted and treated differently. Why? Didn't know any. Where I grew up there weren't many blacks. I got educated on this when my husband and I shared an apartment with a young black man. Then We moved to Tennessee, my neighbor was a Somalian Muslim with a young son. Getting to know this family was a wonderful experience. Eye opening too. I have a son a bit younger than hers. Then I moved back home, my son now just out of high school had a friend who was having trouble at home so he stayed with us for a few months. His father black, mom white. Best kid ever! My point to this long post is that I absolutely know this is real and terrifying, stop thinking you "know". You don't.
No one should have to give this much thought to just living their life and try to avoid being killed. This is extremely sad
The anxiety POC live with in our society can never be appreciated by those of us who are white. <<<<< THAT, RIGHT THERE, IS WHITE PRIVILEGE. Everything that you do, that is hard for you as a white person trying to succeed in life, happens with all of that, PLUS THAT ANXIETY, for POC. Do your best to be an ally and make public life better for them. Meet a smile, extend a smile, say "Hey", and be aware.
This is heartbreaking. So absolutely heartbreaking that a child in a free country has to be taught these rules so he can stay alive.
"in the free world you are living, in the free world you must stay"
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I watched a lady of color say "now we're really free!" when Obama was declared president. That knocked a lot of reality into me. I'm sorry she was proved wrong. .
Because many Americans consider a black man without a shirt on as a threat. Stupid...but it is our reality.
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This is really heartbreaking once you think about it. At first many of these seem like unwritten rules that parent's around the world would teach their children: don't stay out too late, compromise with a cop or police if pulled over, ask for a receipt, etc. However, what isn't emphasised here is that young black men in the US have to fear for their lives if someone believes they didn't "follow the rules."
How absurd that people have to abide by ridiculous rules to keep safe!! Black people are PEOPLE! we are all human, it's so simple. All equal. Everyone is unique and diversity is what makes us interesting and special. Every individual deserves to feel respect, safety, kindness...
I wish people commenting here would always put the disclaimer "I am [not] from the USA, my comments apply only [to/outside of] USA". Would make all the difference when you try to read them.
America the land of opportunity!!. I think we are better off in Africa .in one of the third world countries
Amazing that this teen had to learn to live with these rules in order to survive. This is shameful that he has to live under such scrutiny. Hopefully after all these protests, the times will change and people’s reactions will begin to change and mature and be less suspicious of a persons skin color or looks.
So not much has changed in America since the 1950's for black people then?
Tears in my eyes, I’m sorry poor boy. I’m deeply sorrowed by all of this. My heart breaks for so many like you.
Nearly all the people reading these comments are unlikely to be the types of people that carry out racism. And while they all seem to be common sense well behaved things to tell a child, let's put it this way. They show we have no freedom, can't look at things freely, can't play and joke with friends unless we make white people uncomfortable. We can never be sarcastic back, it could kill us. We must at all times be a perfect human being to give those who discriminate no reason to take an interest in us...thus we get to live. Now image telling your kids that!
Thank you for this perspective-- I think everyone who is middle class or lower gets treated a certain way in stores or on the street or at the border, but it never occurred to me that this common advice on how to behave is so dire for POC. Looking back on one time I was followed around a store for wearing a backpack, now I see perhaps if I were Black, the response could have been more confrontational or involved LE. Plus, if I were obliged to have to act above suspicion all the time, that would make me look even more nervous and defensive, which would only increase the store's vigilance.
It is not even the lower class. My sis in law makes 200k a year, She was told that they do not take ebt (food stamps) in the seafood dept, she never asked. I made over 100k, guy at Michaels asked for a picture id even though I have a pic on my card. When asked why he didn't ask the white lady in front of me? He said I could have put my face on someone's card. things like Instead of asking if you have any kids you are asked how many kids do you have, even in my twenties. I have 1. I have bought things in a store even though I didn't want to, because I didnt want to leave with nothing (stealing) and wanted to prove I could afford it because they automatically think you can't afford anything. It's exhausting and stressful being black.
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it is heart breaking to read this because as a white girl i go to school with a lot of African american people and my mother is a racist and when i'm on the phone with someone and they hear my mom saying the "n" word they think i'm racist and i have lostt a lot of friends because of it my point is black lives matter as much if not more than any white person so i always have and always will stand by one rule black lives matter and it is sad that these rules are not needed for white people because at the end of the day we are all human no matter how dffirent we look god made us in his image so he looks at us all the same and also my mom litarlliy grounded me and forced me to break up with my bf just because he was black
I apologise to every black person I have ever encountered if I have ever in ANY way made you feel unsafe, unfairly judged, or a victim of my own unconscious white prvililege attitude, or any racist remark I have ever made even if it was unintentional. I vow to change.
I cried. I just cried. What anxiety his oor Mother must go through at times.
Sad, but All too much true! I have a biracial friend and a store clerk came up to her and asked her what she was doing and told her that's not what looked like to hera and admitted it was because of the way she looks! Ofcourse my friend got upset and can now no longer go back to that store. It's sad how people treat each other sometimes, sometimes A LOT!
Btw, this is not a new thing and it is repeated often. I am black and my son is bi-racial, I recently gave my son "the talk", my big brother had it, my uncles had it, my grandfather had it, and so on. Guess who did not know this was a thing, my husband of 23 years, because he is white and the most he got was "be careful"...
In no way are these rules for everyone. Pockets are made for hands. I had no idea, but it unfortunately all makes since.
This, more than anything else I have seen, heard, or read, is the most powerful statement of the fact that, as a White privileged culture, by doing less than we should have, or worse, doing nothing, to really help, we have SINFULLY, continued to generate and instill fear in each young Black person. I’m in my seventies and, although I’ve always thought of myself as a non prejudiced/good person, from this video I truly now understand that by not having done more, than that, I haven’t done enough. For the little my apology is worth, I humbly offer it and promise to do my best to become more active and to get the word out to others. To paraphrase the Bible (I hope it’s not arrogant to do that), “a child shall lead us”. While this young man is no longer a child, in a biblical sense he is because of the terrible message, coming to lead us, from his pure, sweet, innocent heart....God bless his mother. PLEASE!!! Start now, and continue, to make his world a truly loving one.
Hear ya. But, welcome to Eastern Europe. No matter what your race is. Same s**t.
Um... try being a Roma (Gypsy) - looking person there... there is race discrimination in Eastern Europe, too. Also, discrimination of Eastern Europeans in Western Europe is VERY real, although not in the violent manner that racism manifests itself in the US.
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Don't be outside with a shirt on. And that is related to being black why?
If you are Black in America, not having a shirt on is a reason for police to stop you.
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these are all pretty much common sense rules we all have been taught as kids, regardless of color. it's part of being a nice person and respectful. if you think this is some kind of special privilege, sorry to disappoint. it's just manners and common sense.
But when you are white and you don't follow the rules, you probably won't die for it. When you are black and don't follow the rules, you could die. The fact that you don't see it that way shows your white privilege. Please go to tolerance.org to learn more.
Load More Replies... it is so sad that this is what the world is today some contries think women are objects some are poor and then there is america what happend to "the land of the free" and it is so sad that while yes my mom has told me some of these things but for totalliy difrent resons and then when my dad died rescentliy she starrted telling us we couldn't go out outside at night but it was because of my aunt on my dads side not because i might get shot by a police officer and now it is to the point to where thhe people that are suposed to be protecting us are the ones we fear the most and if you think you are better than someone because your white and there not i'm just ganna say it like it is...YOUR STUPID AS F**K!!! ok thank you for reading have a nice day lol🖤
Okay not for nothing and I absolutely realise this is beside the point... but can we acknowledge for a second how BEAUTIFUL that man is???
Technally speaking there's racism on all sides in this world. ALL SIDES. My 85 year old grandmother tried to get on a bus (to go to a church closer to where she lived because she couldn't travel very far)which was put on and paid for by the hole çomunity but was told to she wasn't aloud to ride because she was told it was only a 'black and elderly' bus. Let me ask you all a question if she got on sat down and refused to move would she have been considered to be like Rosa parks.
The two worlds, Black and White, are difficult to navigate for people of Color without guidance. This becomes even more difficult when you go out with a person of a different race than yours. Often, the opposite sex members of your partner's race will become disgruntled at your presence and sometimes confront them aggressively. So, in the "third" of your worlds, you must be doubly aware of where it's "safe" to go out together and also when. You can never imagine how exhausting this can be, to just go out in public, often has to be planned to avoid confrontation with bigots from both sides of your coin.
Funny and/or sad, that in "rasist" Czechia to be safe there (for anybody) means literally NONE of these rules. NONE. Interesting, just thoughts.
I feel bad for people of color. Why should we judge them? At least they have personality. Color. Whites? We're no better. I feel bad for police officers who have go deal with idiots with the same job. I've seen them stand by the protesters, it's not as bad as you think. Some officers out there are trying to help us but the white supremacist idiots are ruining their name. I also feel bad for the Earth. The animals on it too. People are so focused on Covid-19 and the racism but we are still polluting the planet. It's only going to get worse. I just wish I could do something but I don't have enough power to make a difference yet. I hope one day, the people will listen to the kind giving people of this world. I'm so sorry this was long, I just have very strong feelings about this. I'm ashamed to be white sometimes because of the morons who can't respect our black brothers. There is no black and white, no good and evil, it's all grey.
I am Caucasian 42 female. I choose talk to same rules. And have passed several's onto my now 17 year old son. Those are just good rules standby to keep your a*s out of any kind of trouble wherever you're at.. Good job
I am considered white and have a 21 yo son I taught him most of these rules too. My mom said nothing good happens after midnight. Get home. don't argue with an officer no matter who you are. Most towns have noise ordances so the music is a rule for all and it is common courtesy. the hoodie is creepy no matter who you are. staring is a sign of aggression for anyone. yeah. good advice.
This is pretty much the same rules I had to live by whenever I was in a black neighborhood. Especially not only to not stare at but even to look at a black woman deserved a beatdown. The only time I got any respect was during my punk rocker years.
Oh yeah, and the cops in those areas? They came down on me as a "n****r lover" for which I got beat. Or I am there for drugs, which means I would get beat. Or it is "what, you hate your own race"? And for that, I would get beat to near death. Suffered more broken bones to that than any other method. I felt a thousand times safer in the punk clubs than on the streets to face the cops.
Load More Replies... Gee, these are the same basic rules I had to follow whenever I was in a black neighborhood. Especially to not only not stare, but to even look at a black woman deserves a beatdown. The only time I got any respect from the black communities was during my punk rocker years
This is how we grow up in east Hungary protecting ourselves from man... but sorry :(
To that list, I've always told my son to never enter a store with friends if you don't have money io your pocket you are guilty by assocation if they do something wrong. Try not to be in groups of more than 4 when hanging out as you will be less like to be called a "gang" if someone calls the cops. If pulled over or stopped be sure to get names and badge numbers when appropriate.
Hispanic girl here. Most of this is common sense. As far as wearing clothing my mom told my brothers they couldn't wear white t shirts outside for fear of being targeted by police thinking they were gangsters. Its not just black folk who bear the brunt of police brutally. With that said I hope we all get to a point where we are all eqaul. Thanks
Good point! I am black and I grew up in a smallish town that was primarily Hispanic and if you even looked like a cholo/chola people assumed you were a thug and/or belong to a gang... I sincerely hope you and all POC benefit from what is going on in the world rig ht now. Peace
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#NoRaceButTheHumanRace it's still tough when music being produced glorifies the gangster, anti-societies, women are hos and popping caps off, while people are protesting senseless murder yet a man of color is in my yard trying to break into my cars and others on my street the same time. People need to educate themselves and violence and stealing isn't what solves the problem. Education. Motivation. Creativity. And more people of color in the police force to comps are for the old gunslinger white men on it. I'm sad for my fellow man regardless of color. Those that should do right and those that abuse that right of power. Maybe I just rambled. I'm upset a man needs rules to exist instead of just existing.
White mom here - I've taught these same rules to my 21 year old son. Maybe for reasons that aren't as dire as those of @OP's, but I've taught them. And OP's mom is a great mom and it sounds like she's got a great kid with a good head on his shoulders. We're in this together y'all.
....staring at anyone is rude, but staring at women frequently is interpreted as ogling. Your mother gives good advice for everyone, not just black people.
This is not about being rude...it is about DANGER. White women who perceive a staring black man as a threat may call cops...and that can be fatal for him. We are not talking about having manners, but living to see another day.
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But aren't all that basic behaviour rules? I'm white and mom also said most things as his told him. Don't keep hands in pockets, don't stare at people, dress decently, respect authorities, don't touch things, don't stay late, don't argue with people, bring your ID.
Shame on this mom for telling her son that he's in constant danger. The statistics simply do not bear this out. At all. It's perpetuating the victim mentality and it's awful. Please don't contribute to the racial problem. This mom means well, but she's teaching her child to treat people of different races differently. That's literally racism.
STAY OFF TIK TOK! IT'S A CHINESE APPLICATION THAT ENDS UP GIVING SOME BEJING BEUROCRAT PERSONAL INFORMATION ABOUT YOU!
Anyone in this thread who has commented that their white children have to follow the same rules or that white people get shot by cops too or that blacks kill each other at a high rate, look in a mirror. That's what a racist looks like.
How about stay off the street? My brother couldn't be out with friends in the neighborhood or a group of friends hanging around outside once he was a teen, then you are selling drugs, he also couldn't hang out with a group of black friends at the mall, because groups of black kids are seen as a gang.
I grew up in a very conservative home in a well off part of town: 75% of what I read was told to us on a regular basis.
I'll even add it it. Don't speak to any adult until you are spoken to first. Look people in the eye when you speak to them. Call all adults sir or ma'am, never by their first name. Hold open all doors for the person behind you. Most of these are guidelines toward being a respectable young adult.
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Thing is these are rules for all kids, they just don't listen to their mother very well and act a fool and do the exact opposite
I get stared at by people of all races and I'm pretty damn sick of it.
I'm a white woman and I've been taught every single one of these in different verbiage except the last one which is ridiculous. "Nothing good ever happens after midnight." "Keep your hands out of your pockets." "Don't go around in public wearing sweats or pajamas." "Keep your music in your car at a respectful level." "Never backtalk or be rude to a cop." Etc... Every single rule I was taught growing up!!!
It is a racial subject, you are NOT American and clearly do not understand our very unique and complex history with legalized racism and discrimination. Please hush.
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Just a little comment to those thinking these are "normal rules for all kids" - yes, they might be considered practical, normal rules. The difference is - black people fear being hurt or killed if they don't follow the rules. Us white ones? Sure we ought to wear proper clothing and all, but the police won't shoot us "by accident" if we fail to comply. (at least the risk is very much smaller, and that's a fact!)
The risk is also much, much smaller in countries where the police don't have guns as standard.
Load More Replies... To those who are saying that these are rules for everyone: Not every race gets killed or beaten or detained for just being that race. My father had the police called on him for throwing newspapers. Can any of you say that happened to you? My sister and I almost had the police called on us at a gas station even though we paid for the gas. Did this happen to you. Please stop comparing experiences and just listen to us. Please. As much as you think you do, you don't understand.
Deanna, I wish that your response could get upvoted to the top of this thread. Many of us are not from the US and are reading this article with a lot of cultural bias. I think that more people really need to be directed to your response.
Load More Replies... I think the main point of this young man's post is that the things his mother taught him may actually be a life or death situation for him... where the treatment he might receive as consequence would outstrip anything done to a white person in the exact same situation. It made me sad to hear how he has to censor his life in order to survive in society (in a system that is against him from the get-go). I was horrified to learn that George Floyd was unlawfully killed because of a possible fake $20 bill!
Plus, as the respective shop owner mentioned, he might have not even been aware it was fake.
Load More Replies... While the news makes it clear you have a reason to fear prosecution for things I might not, alot of these are basic good sense. I would never reach for anything in the glove compartment until the police are where they can see my hands and ask for it. I'm white and female, but they could still think I am going for a gun. Actually, I got raised with several of these rules. As far as the receipt even for gum, when I was in my teens I did occasionally get followed by clerks who thought I might shop lift. Stores don't trust young people, including middleclass white girls. Staring makes me uncomfortable no matter who is doing it. Unless he's at the beach or out running (in running shorts and not carrying anything), shirts in public is more appropriate regardless of color.
Excellent points. I know when I took my kids to stores when they were little, I told them if they weren't thinking of buying, don't touch. That one is simply being polite. The store workers have to go and straighten shelves. But that, obviously, isn't the reason this mother had to warn her son. But I'm understanding the thought process behind all of this mother's warnings.
Load More Replies... It's interesting how most of the people commenting think these are unwritten rules for being "polite". These are unwritten rules so the police don't have to get involved and mess you up. "Never leave the store without a receipt or a bag, even if it's just a pack of gum" that's not normal advice folks. Having your mom tell you to carry documentation for every small purchase isn't normal.
SAF, I'm not from the United States so I cannot speak for certain, but I believe what the young man in the Ticktock video is trying to get at is that so many of us take these unwritten rules for granted. However, for a young black man in the US, they risk being brutally murdered if they don't follow one of these "common courtesy rules." His mother has to fear for her own son's life. It all comes down to privilege.
Load More Replies... I am SHOCKED by how many people here are dismissing The Talk by saying it's just common sense. I first heard about The Talk when tattooing a black woman about 15 years ago. And I have asked every single person of color since then about The Talk and each one has had one or even two. The first is when a child of color first realizes they have been discriminated against and second one usually comes later and is essentially a field guide to minimize the risk of a POC being beaten, unlawfully arrested, harassed or killed. It's NOT just about how to navigate the world in a safe and reasonable manner....It's about how not to get KILLED for being black in America. That is a conversation that I, as a white woman, am never going to have to have with my children.
Thank you for your understanding, Jenny. I am almost in tears right now because I have read the comments from people who say that this is common sense or that she is teaching him to be afraid. That just don't understand what it is like to be a black person in America and I don't think that they want to. So thank you.
Load More Replies... Apart from the fact that black people have to get a "How to survive in the USA" training, it's astonishing that some people post racist comments which come down to: "Black people are more criminal than whites." But if you search for "racist laws USA" you find the reasons why black people are made criminal by discriminatory laws. You also find that the US lady Justice is a white b***h wearing shades instead of a blindfold. Studies have shown that (1) If a black person and a white person each commit a crime, the black person is more likely to be arrested. This is due in part to the fact that black people are more heavily policed. (2) When black people are arrested for a crime, they are convicted more often than white people arrested for the same crime. (3) When black people are convicted of a crime, they are more likely to be sentenced to incarceration compared to whites convicted of the same crime. So much for racial equality...
This reminds me of life under military dictatorship (I'm from Uruguay). Constant fear, even of acting naturally.
As a mother of a son, (a white son) I had no idea just how awful it was for young men of color. Oh, of course, you hear and see things on the news, on the internet. But it really never quite hit home. This made me cry. I want to help, but at the same time, do not want to overstep. If my speaking up can help, I will. But sometimes in our efforts to help, we can be a bit overbearing. So, my friends in the black community, what, as a white woman can I do? I want to help, but want to respect your dignity. No one wants pity. I remember when I had breast cancer, so many well meaning friends in their efforts to try to help made me feel like a victim. And I don't want to do that to anyone. All that being said, I can protest if that helps. I do (and will continue) to donate to causes that I believe help (NAACP, ACLU). And I always speak out against racism and bigotry.
My cousin, a white woman, is raising two black sons. I have seen how terribly these young men are treated just for being black. No one cares that they are honor roll students and talented musicians, they are still treated like criminals no matter how well spoken they are or how well dressed they are. The oldest was stopped in Walmart and questioned because he had his younger sister with him, they wanted to know why a black teenager was with a white child - the police were called and he was handcuffed and questioned. It was heartbreaking. HEARTBREAKING. He could have been killed for it. If he was white, that never would have happened.
Load More Replies... These are all horrible, but "never stare at a Caucasian woman"? Never stare at anyone, it's just rude. Also, as a woman, I empathise with some of these, like the "don't stay out too late" one (although, in Korea not so much, thankfully) and the fact that you have to be careful about what you wear. Anyway, these are awful and have to change!
"never stare at a Caucasian woman" There are times, especially when you are at a public transport that you just stare off into space but there are some Caucasian people that would take offense, when in reality your just off in your world and all that is, is nothing but a blank stare. Believe me because it's already happened to me. Imagine being yelled at and threatened for day dreaming/thinking. And yes, I got kicked out of the bus by a white bus driver, I was 18 at the time. I was so scared and shocked I really had no idea how I should have reacted. And no, I'm not black I'm Pacific Islander. It happens to people of color so commonly in big cities.
Load More Replies... Not looking to argue, just to identify. As I white man I teach my daughter the same rules about interacting with the police. Many of the other rules too but I just consider them to be polite.
Yes, but not following those rules will most likely not get your daughter killed. For a black youth, not following those rules can result in prison time or death.
Load More Replies... I'm a white woman in my 60s. When I was younger I thought the same as whites here, not really believing that black young men were targeted and treated differently. Why? Didn't know any. Where I grew up there weren't many blacks. I got educated on this when my husband and I shared an apartment with a young black man. Then We moved to Tennessee, my neighbor was a Somalian Muslim with a young son. Getting to know this family was a wonderful experience. Eye opening too. I have a son a bit younger than hers. Then I moved back home, my son now just out of high school had a friend who was having trouble at home so he stayed with us for a few months. His father black, mom white. Best kid ever! My point to this long post is that I absolutely know this is real and terrifying, stop thinking you "know". You don't.
No one should have to give this much thought to just living their life and try to avoid being killed. This is extremely sad
The anxiety POC live with in our society can never be appreciated by those of us who are white. <<<<< THAT, RIGHT THERE, IS WHITE PRIVILEGE. Everything that you do, that is hard for you as a white person trying to succeed in life, happens with all of that, PLUS THAT ANXIETY, for POC. Do your best to be an ally and make public life better for them. Meet a smile, extend a smile, say "Hey", and be aware.
This is heartbreaking. So absolutely heartbreaking that a child in a free country has to be taught these rules so he can stay alive.
"in the free world you are living, in the free world you must stay"
Load More Replies... I watched a lady of color say "now we're really free!" when Obama was declared president. That knocked a lot of reality into me. I'm sorry she was proved wrong. .
Because many Americans consider a black man without a shirt on as a threat. Stupid...but it is our reality.
Load More Replies... This is really heartbreaking once you think about it. At first many of these seem like unwritten rules that parent's around the world would teach their children: don't stay out too late, compromise with a cop or police if pulled over, ask for a receipt, etc. However, what isn't emphasised here is that young black men in the US have to fear for their lives if someone believes they didn't "follow the rules."
How absurd that people have to abide by ridiculous rules to keep safe!! Black people are PEOPLE! we are all human, it's so simple. All equal. Everyone is unique and diversity is what makes us interesting and special. Every individual deserves to feel respect, safety, kindness...
I wish people commenting here would always put the disclaimer "I am [not] from the USA, my comments apply only [to/outside of] USA". Would make all the difference when you try to read them.
America the land of opportunity!!. I think we are better off in Africa .in one of the third world countries
Amazing that this teen had to learn to live with these rules in order to survive. This is shameful that he has to live under such scrutiny. Hopefully after all these protests, the times will change and people’s reactions will begin to change and mature and be less suspicious of a persons skin color or looks.
So not much has changed in America since the 1950's for black people then?
Tears in my eyes, I’m sorry poor boy. I’m deeply sorrowed by all of this. My heart breaks for so many like you.
Nearly all the people reading these comments are unlikely to be the types of people that carry out racism. And while they all seem to be common sense well behaved things to tell a child, let's put it this way. They show we have no freedom, can't look at things freely, can't play and joke with friends unless we make white people uncomfortable. We can never be sarcastic back, it could kill us. We must at all times be a perfect human being to give those who discriminate no reason to take an interest in us...thus we get to live. Now image telling your kids that!
Thank you for this perspective-- I think everyone who is middle class or lower gets treated a certain way in stores or on the street or at the border, but it never occurred to me that this common advice on how to behave is so dire for POC. Looking back on one time I was followed around a store for wearing a backpack, now I see perhaps if I were Black, the response could have been more confrontational or involved LE. Plus, if I were obliged to have to act above suspicion all the time, that would make me look even more nervous and defensive, which would only increase the store's vigilance.
It is not even the lower class. My sis in law makes 200k a year, She was told that they do not take ebt (food stamps) in the seafood dept, she never asked. I made over 100k, guy at Michaels asked for a picture id even though I have a pic on my card. When asked why he didn't ask the white lady in front of me? He said I could have put my face on someone's card. things like Instead of asking if you have any kids you are asked how many kids do you have, even in my twenties. I have 1. I have bought things in a store even though I didn't want to, because I didnt want to leave with nothing (stealing) and wanted to prove I could afford it because they automatically think you can't afford anything. It's exhausting and stressful being black.
Load More Replies... it is heart breaking to read this because as a white girl i go to school with a lot of African american people and my mother is a racist and when i'm on the phone with someone and they hear my mom saying the "n" word they think i'm racist and i have lostt a lot of friends because of it my point is black lives matter as much if not more than any white person so i always have and always will stand by one rule black lives matter and it is sad that these rules are not needed for white people because at the end of the day we are all human no matter how dffirent we look god made us in his image so he looks at us all the same and also my mom litarlliy grounded me and forced me to break up with my bf just because he was black
I apologise to every black person I have ever encountered if I have ever in ANY way made you feel unsafe, unfairly judged, or a victim of my own unconscious white prvililege attitude, or any racist remark I have ever made even if it was unintentional. I vow to change.
I cried. I just cried. What anxiety his oor Mother must go through at times.
Sad, but All too much true! I have a biracial friend and a store clerk came up to her and asked her what she was doing and told her that's not what looked like to hera and admitted it was because of the way she looks! Ofcourse my friend got upset and can now no longer go back to that store. It's sad how people treat each other sometimes, sometimes A LOT!
Btw, this is not a new thing and it is repeated often. I am black and my son is bi-racial, I recently gave my son "the talk", my big brother had it, my uncles had it, my grandfather had it, and so on. Guess who did not know this was a thing, my husband of 23 years, because he is white and the most he got was "be careful"...
In no way are these rules for everyone. Pockets are made for hands. I had no idea, but it unfortunately all makes since.
This, more than anything else I have seen, heard, or read, is the most powerful statement of the fact that, as a White privileged culture, by doing less than we should have, or worse, doing nothing, to really help, we have SINFULLY, continued to generate and instill fear in each young Black person. I’m in my seventies and, although I’ve always thought of myself as a non prejudiced/good person, from this video I truly now understand that by not having done more, than that, I haven’t done enough. For the little my apology is worth, I humbly offer it and promise to do my best to become more active and to get the word out to others. To paraphrase the Bible (I hope it’s not arrogant to do that), “a child shall lead us”. While this young man is no longer a child, in a biblical sense he is because of the terrible message, coming to lead us, from his pure, sweet, innocent heart....God bless his mother. PLEASE!!! Start now, and continue, to make his world a truly loving one.
Hear ya. But, welcome to Eastern Europe. No matter what your race is. Same s**t.
Um... try being a Roma (Gypsy) - looking person there... there is race discrimination in Eastern Europe, too. Also, discrimination of Eastern Europeans in Western Europe is VERY real, although not in the violent manner that racism manifests itself in the US.
Load More Replies... Don't be outside with a shirt on. And that is related to being black why?
If you are Black in America, not having a shirt on is a reason for police to stop you.
Load More Replies... these are all pretty much common sense rules we all have been taught as kids, regardless of color. it's part of being a nice person and respectful. if you think this is some kind of special privilege, sorry to disappoint. it's just manners and common sense.
But when you are white and you don't follow the rules, you probably won't die for it. When you are black and don't follow the rules, you could die. The fact that you don't see it that way shows your white privilege. Please go to tolerance.org to learn more.
Load More Replies... it is so sad that this is what the world is today some contries think women are objects some are poor and then there is america what happend to "the land of the free" and it is so sad that while yes my mom has told me some of these things but for totalliy difrent resons and then when my dad died rescentliy she starrted telling us we couldn't go out outside at night but it was because of my aunt on my dads side not because i might get shot by a police officer and now it is to the point to where thhe people that are suposed to be protecting us are the ones we fear the most and if you think you are better than someone because your white and there not i'm just ganna say it like it is...YOUR STUPID AS F**K!!! ok thank you for reading have a nice day lol🖤
Okay not for nothing and I absolutely realise this is beside the point... but can we acknowledge for a second how BEAUTIFUL that man is???
Technally speaking there's racism on all sides in this world. ALL SIDES. My 85 year old grandmother tried to get on a bus (to go to a church closer to where she lived because she couldn't travel very far)which was put on and paid for by the hole çomunity but was told to she wasn't aloud to ride because she was told it was only a 'black and elderly' bus. Let me ask you all a question if she got on sat down and refused to move would she have been considered to be like Rosa parks.
The two worlds, Black and White, are difficult to navigate for people of Color without guidance. This becomes even more difficult when you go out with a person of a different race than yours. Often, the opposite sex members of your partner's race will become disgruntled at your presence and sometimes confront them aggressively. So, in the "third" of your worlds, you must be doubly aware of where it's "safe" to go out together and also when. You can never imagine how exhausting this can be, to just go out in public, often has to be planned to avoid confrontation with bigots from both sides of your coin.
Funny and/or sad, that in "rasist" Czechia to be safe there (for anybody) means literally NONE of these rules. NONE. Interesting, just thoughts.
I feel bad for people of color. Why should we judge them? At least they have personality. Color. Whites? We're no better. I feel bad for police officers who have go deal with idiots with the same job. I've seen them stand by the protesters, it's not as bad as you think. Some officers out there are trying to help us but the white supremacist idiots are ruining their name. I also feel bad for the Earth. The animals on it too. People are so focused on Covid-19 and the racism but we are still polluting the planet. It's only going to get worse. I just wish I could do something but I don't have enough power to make a difference yet. I hope one day, the people will listen to the kind giving people of this world. I'm so sorry this was long, I just have very strong feelings about this. I'm ashamed to be white sometimes because of the morons who can't respect our black brothers. There is no black and white, no good and evil, it's all grey.
I am Caucasian 42 female. I choose talk to same rules. And have passed several's onto my now 17 year old son. Those are just good rules standby to keep your a*s out of any kind of trouble wherever you're at.. Good job
I am considered white and have a 21 yo son I taught him most of these rules too. My mom said nothing good happens after midnight. Get home. don't argue with an officer no matter who you are. Most towns have noise ordances so the music is a rule for all and it is common courtesy. the hoodie is creepy no matter who you are. staring is a sign of aggression for anyone. yeah. good advice.
This is pretty much the same rules I had to live by whenever I was in a black neighborhood. Especially not only to not stare at but even to look at a black woman deserved a beatdown. The only time I got any respect was during my punk rocker years.
Oh yeah, and the cops in those areas? They came down on me as a "n****r lover" for which I got beat. Or I am there for drugs, which means I would get beat. Or it is "what, you hate your own race"? And for that, I would get beat to near death. Suffered more broken bones to that than any other method. I felt a thousand times safer in the punk clubs than on the streets to face the cops.
Load More Replies... Gee, these are the same basic rules I had to follow whenever I was in a black neighborhood. Especially to not only not stare, but to even look at a black woman deserves a beatdown. The only time I got any respect from the black communities was during my punk rocker years
This is how we grow up in east Hungary protecting ourselves from man... but sorry :(
To that list, I've always told my son to never enter a store with friends if you don't have money io your pocket you are guilty by assocation if they do something wrong. Try not to be in groups of more than 4 when hanging out as you will be less like to be called a "gang" if someone calls the cops. If pulled over or stopped be sure to get names and badge numbers when appropriate.
Hispanic girl here. Most of this is common sense. As far as wearing clothing my mom told my brothers they couldn't wear white t shirts outside for fear of being targeted by police thinking they were gangsters. Its not just black folk who bear the brunt of police brutally. With that said I hope we all get to a point where we are all eqaul. Thanks
Good point! I am black and I grew up in a smallish town that was primarily Hispanic and if you even looked like a cholo/chola people assumed you were a thug and/or belong to a gang... I sincerely hope you and all POC benefit from what is going on in the world rig ht now. Peace
Load More Replies... #NoRaceButTheHumanRace it's still tough when music being produced glorifies the gangster, anti-societies, women are hos and popping caps off, while people are protesting senseless murder yet a man of color is in my yard trying to break into my cars and others on my street the same time. People need to educate themselves and violence and stealing isn't what solves the problem. Education. Motivation. Creativity. And more people of color in the police force to comps are for the old gunslinger white men on it. I'm sad for my fellow man regardless of color. Those that should do right and those that abuse that right of power. Maybe I just rambled. I'm upset a man needs rules to exist instead of just existing.
White mom here - I've taught these same rules to my 21 year old son. Maybe for reasons that aren't as dire as those of @OP's, but I've taught them. And OP's mom is a great mom and it sounds like she's got a great kid with a good head on his shoulders. We're in this together y'all.
....staring at anyone is rude, but staring at women frequently is interpreted as ogling. Your mother gives good advice for everyone, not just black people.
This is not about being rude...it is about DANGER. White women who perceive a staring black man as a threat may call cops...and that can be fatal for him. We are not talking about having manners, but living to see another day.
Load More Replies... But aren't all that basic behaviour rules? I'm white and mom also said most things as his told him. Don't keep hands in pockets, don't stare at people, dress decently, respect authorities, don't touch things, don't stay late, don't argue with people, bring your ID.
Shame on this mom for telling her son that he's in constant danger. The statistics simply do not bear this out. At all. It's perpetuating the victim mentality and it's awful. Please don't contribute to the racial problem. This mom means well, but she's teaching her child to treat people of different races differently. That's literally racism.
STAY OFF TIK TOK! IT'S A CHINESE APPLICATION THAT ENDS UP GIVING SOME BEJING BEUROCRAT PERSONAL INFORMATION ABOUT YOU!
Anyone in this thread who has commented that their white children have to follow the same rules or that white people get shot by cops too or that blacks kill each other at a high rate, look in a mirror. That's what a racist looks like.
How about stay off the street? My brother couldn't be out with friends in the neighborhood or a group of friends hanging around outside once he was a teen, then you are selling drugs, he also couldn't hang out with a group of black friends at the mall, because groups of black kids are seen as a gang.
I grew up in a very conservative home in a well off part of town: 75% of what I read was told to us on a regular basis.
I'll even add it it. Don't speak to any adult until you are spoken to first. Look people in the eye when you speak to them. Call all adults sir or ma'am, never by their first name. Hold open all doors for the person behind you. Most of these are guidelines toward being a respectable young adult.
Load More Replies... Thing is these are rules for all kids, they just don't listen to their mother very well and act a fool and do the exact opposite
I get stared at by people of all races and I'm pretty damn sick of it.
I'm a white woman and I've been taught every single one of these in different verbiage except the last one which is ridiculous. "Nothing good ever happens after midnight." "Keep your hands out of your pockets." "Don't go around in public wearing sweats or pajamas." "Keep your music in your car at a respectful level." "Never backtalk or be rude to a cop." Etc... Every single rule I was taught growing up!!!
It is a racial subject, you are NOT American and clearly do not understand our very unique and complex history with legalized racism and discrimination. Please hush.
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