Time and again, we've all wondered if it’d be possible to live in a society where there are no rules. But norms of everyday life have somewhat the same function as the rules of games: they tell us what ‘moves' are allowed and which ones are not. Not only do our interactions run smoothly, but the whole world we live in feels harmonious and in order.
So in order to really see how and which rules govern our lives, and what we make of them, we have to look at the universal, unspoken ones that everyone should be aware of, if they already aren’t. Shared by people in various Reddit threads, some of these rules are simple no-brainers, others represent more elaborate conventions, so let’s see which ones people pointed out as the most important ones.
Scroll down, share your thoughts in the comment section and be sure to check out our previous post with more of the “unwritten rules” of life.
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If someone you don't know suddenly strikes up a desperate conversation and seems to be wary of their surroundings while on a night out - they are your best friend. Best friend. Because they're probably being harassed by another drunken patron and need some backup and I don't care if it's your mortal enemy, you act like you love them because they've got problems.
You do not ignore someone like that.
I had this happen years ago, randomly bumped into an ex co-worker while out shopping with my girlfriend at the time, ex co-worker rushed up to us and started apologising for running late for our lunch date. I stood totally clueless, my girlfriend threw her arms around the ex co-worker (they had met once before at a works do) and said glad she had finally turned up but the table was booked for only three (bloke left). Blew my mind when they explained over lunch.
If your dress has pockets, you must tell everyone.
If a two year old speaks gibberish to you, you reply with either "you think so?" Or "thank you for telling me".
If you ever ask yourself who the hell created all these rules, and why we all need to abide by them, this one's for you. I have to agree that the idea of a free society where each individual is allowed to roam freely, with no obligations or consequences, has something appealing about it.
If somebody gives their phone to look at a picture don't scroll and see all their other pictures.
Give me six feet of space when I’m at the ATM or the urinal. Basically, whenever I’m taking valuables out of my pants.
And some rules are so embedded into our society, we don’t dare to question them. “Societies going back thousands of years have had ‘unwritten rules.’ Unwritten rules would be defined as normal, accepted behavior that everyone (or almost everyone!) is willing to adhere to,” Susan Petang, a certified life coach and the author of “The Quiet Zone Coaching,” told Bored Panda. Susan teaches women how to stop feeling overwhelmed and start waking up happy in the morning again.
She continued: “They're necessary not only for keeping order, but establishing boundaries and defining what is considered kind, polite, or compassionate—or rude!—in that particular culture.”
If you work in childcare and see a baby walk for the first time you don’t say anything to the parent.
If you're watching garbage Facebook videos in the break room and other people are trying to enjoy their hour of peace wear some [freaking] headphones Alana.
Don't watch porn either. Or you can, just to overpower Alana's garbage FB videos.
An appearance flaw that cannot be easily changed shall be completely ignored.
What’s interesting is that even now, different cultures can have different unwritten rules. “For example, burping after a meal in China is considered a compliment, and here in the US, it's considered rude. By having these unwritten rules, we also can more easily identify when others are upset with us or being dismissive,” Susan said and added that “it's like having an emotional shorthand.”
Don't ask if she is pregnant. Just don't.
or when she'll get married, or if she has a boyfriend
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And if she is, don’t assume you can touch her belly..I had someone do that to me when I was pregnant and I flipped out…just don’t do it without permission!
Never been touched and grabbed half as much as when heavily pregnant, absolutely ridiculous.
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No dear I'm not pregnant i just haven't pooped in three days! What? You felt uncomfortable? Oh well
🤣Poop belly might be the best response ever.
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And when she says she is not interested in relationships or children DO NOT INVALIDATE HER FEELINGS by saying "oh, you'll change your mind" in that condescending sweet tone
Reason 1: Due to the law of Nunya (It’s none of your damned business). Reason 2: Endo belly is a real thing. Reason 3: Post-pregnancy belly is a real thing, and yes, most postpartum mommies are sensitive about it since not everyone has a plastic surgeon, nutritionist, and personal trainer at their disposal. Reason 4: It could be an unwanted pregnancy - adoption, health risk, or, god forbid, rape. Reason 5 (And the most important): Sometimes, miscarriages also leave a belly, and you DO NOT want to go there. Just don’t ask, or infer, or even hint at it. If you’re eager, wait for the person to volunteer the information before you rejoice with them. Basic decency, folks.
Wonderful education. I would add fibroid belly; kidney belly; and a couple digestive disorders.
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Also don't ask who's the dad, if you don't know there might be a reason
I saw this funny progression chart once. Each lady figure was more pregnant than the last. The title was, "When is it okay to ask a woman if she's pregnant?" Under every single one was the word NO. The last figure was a head crowning and it said MAYBE.
My gf and I play a game called "pregnant or pies", where we try to guess who is pregnant and who is not. I should add that this is usually whilst we are in the car, so we don't ask them!
Personally I find this a s**tty thing to do. Some people have medical conditions. It's not always pies.
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And for God's sake, do NOT touch the pregnant belly without permission! (Unless you want a black eye!)
I once had a complete stranger come up to me and ask when I was due and I glared at her for a few seconds and then said “I’M NOT PREGNANT...I’M FAT!” I can tell you, guessing and getting it wrong is brutal...it’s a good thing I was just angry and not some poor woman who had been trying to get pregnant.
"When are you due?" "I don't have any library books on loan right now." "I should get to my destination in about 20 minutes." "Oh shoot I forgot to schedule my regular dentist appointment!"
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I do 'sort of' ask... after I hear them say stuff that is very clearly directed towards pregnancy... liiiike: "No one ever told me twins would be this much murder on my back"... or... "I hate having to buy new shoes that I know I won't fit into after the birth"....
If I could, I'd delete EVERY picture of women holding their tummy like that. I had 3 children & would never have thought to do that!
I made this mistake one time 20 years ago and I still feel awful. I don't know WTF I was thinking.
Some people have medical conditions that make their stomachs look enlarged. It is not always caused by obesity.
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Why, why, do some women now constantly have their hands on top & below their tummies? Is it an advertisement in case we can't see them.
My first day back to work after 8 weeks of maternity leave (had a C-section) someone asked me if I was pregnant again. I said, "No, just still fat." Idiot.
No. The proper way is to ask if she HAS any kids...she'll then tell you if she's pregnant.
I blew a potential sale while trying to make small talk with my prospects. Asking the woman if she was pregnant, and she wasn't, totally made the next hour a complete waste of time! Never again!!
And for the love of god, if you’re pregnant don’t tell me how much something hurts, how you couldn’t sleep last night, how hungry you are, how swollen your feet are, or anything else I don’t want to know!
So good of you to clarify how unsupportive a friend you would be.
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I have made this mistake many times in the past, but I don't ask anymore. I have learned my lesson.
I don't know... I have a very awkward friend that I hadn't seen for a couple of months. And when we met, I was six months pregnant, and very visibly so. He didn't say anything and didn't dare to look at me until I broke the news. After that it was still awkward because he felt he had to explain why he pretended not to notice without saying he thought I had grown enormously fat.
Sometimes you have to for safety reasons. Be polite to the point of being almost apologetic about it, letting them know it is for their safety.
Unless she spends most of her time rubbing her belly. The chance that she is smoothing out a hernia in that case is small.
No, don't. It's none of your business. If they want you to know, they will tell you without being asked.
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Yeah, I mean how dare women enjoy their pregnancy!? Ugh, what is WRONG with them!? 🙄 Get a freaking grip, Susan.
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When using tongs, you must always click them together a couple times.
Gotta give them a couple test clicks to make sure everything is in order.
For any space holding people (train, elevator, classroom), let people exit before you try to enter
yes! this! I always thought western Europe was civilized until I rode metro there... and I would add: after you exit dont f*****g stop right in front of the door, move the f**k out of the way!
Susan believes that our lives might be more complicated, and possibly more lawless, if we didn't have expected rules of behavior. “Imagine how chaotic life would be if people could randomly punch others in the nose if they didn't like what was being said or done?”
On the other hand, there are times when unwritten rules of behavior can be complicated and unnecessary, the life coach argues. “They can also be prejudicial. For example, it can be difficult for those with autism to understand some of the social nuances that we take for granted—which might make them feel ostracized, unaccepted, or unloved.”
Small wave at the driver when they stop at the crosswalk so they know you know they saw you.
Also, wave at the driver who lets you cut in when there is an unbelievable rush and you've been waiting for long enough to get into the lane. A friendly honk is welcome too.
You do not initiate small talks with someone with their headphones on.
When a child hands you a toy phone, you pretend to have a conversation.
The life coach added that there are also unwritten rules in some cultures that can be interpreted as rude or boorish in others. “Our earlier example of burping is one; another might be how some cultures consider bargaining for everything to be OK, while in other cultures it's considered rude to question the cost of something.”
If you offer something, you offer twice only. If they say no both times you don't push it
Don't make marks in a book that someone loaned to you. That means no dog-earing the pages, no highlighting/underlining/circling phrases and no writing notes in the margins. If you want to do that crap, get your own copy, don't ask to borrow a copy from me.
If you’re securing something in a truck bed or trailer, you must always say “that ain’t goin’ anywhere” once you’ve finished.
Don’t put your phone on speaker in public places
Unless they're a senior citizen. This might still seem rude to you, but it might be the only way they know how to answer their phone or hear the conversation.
Put it back in the same place you found it.
I know my room looks messy, but everything still has a place. Don’t put my stuff just anywhere, you monster
Do not stand still in any choke-point of an indoor or outdoor space. Doesn't have to be a doorway or hallway.
“In the house of a hanged man, don’t talk about rope”
Old proverb. Meaning don’t dig up old, nasty stuff with people you know will be uncomfortable/offended
When using a stud finder, you must first point it at yourself and go "beep"
If you are done using the microwave and there is time left, you must clear off the remaining time.
Don't be a savage.
When walking through a door and someone is behind you, hold the door long enough so the person doesn't get hit by it.
Closing your mouth when you chew.
Unbelievably irritating. I don't need to watch you process your bites, Alana.
If someone asks if you have a pad or tampon and you have one give it to her. You'd want someone to do the same for you.
I remember (overhearing) my mam giving advice to my big sister, which included 'ALWAYS carry tampons & pads, even when you're not on your period. You never know when you friend might need one'. For 3 years I carried around female sanitary products! Before I realised my friends were not likely to ask me, what with me being a boy.
If a child shoots you with a toy gun you act hurt or pretend to die for them. No questions asked. I learned this when I became an aunt lol.
Zipper Rule: when driving and two lanes become one drivers merge from alternate lanes one at a time right left right left ... like a zipper.
If you notice something on someone that can be fixed within 5 minutes, tell them (Shirt stain, food in teeth etc)
Never expect a friend to fix your car for free or for a six pack. Ask them how much they'll charge you. If they do ask for beer, ask their favorite. Don't buy cheap s**t
I believe in the exchange of abilities and do not accept money from friends Everybody has different ones, so we help each other out. Works like a charm. This does not involve costs for spare parts or similar, of course.
Don't ruin Santa Claus for little kids
DO NOT! I repeat, DO NOT go through someone’s night stand drawers.
If the teacher makes a mistake that benefits everyone (forgets homework, leaves answers on the board, etc) you don't point it out!
yes it soooo annoying when someone points out that the teach forgot to check homework
The problem magically goes away when the person who's there to fix it shows up.
You don't reject your grandma's offer of food (at least in Mexico)
Covering your mouth when sneezing...although everyone doesn't always do it
There will always be a demilitarized urinal between two urinating men, unless overpopulation becomes a factor, in which case participating piddlers will look either straight forward or directly down at their dingle dongle.
If you're in a public toilet, don't piss on the toilet seat. Sadly, there are always people that disregard that rule.
If you have two friends over, who don't know each other, you don't leave them alone.
The exception to this rule is if you are trying to set them up
When walking in a store, treat the aisles as you would the road. AKA stay to the right (US).
Picking your nose is very satisfying, but don't do it in public
The internet is forever, so be careful what you put on it- especially if your real name/face/details are attached. People will find them and bring them up at the worst possible times. A few seconds of thinking about if it's really a good idea to post that comment or whatever can do a lot of good.
And never ever put your name as your un-changeable reddit username. Knew a lotta people who would get roasted by it
Don’t drive slower than traffic on the left lane of a highway.
Or worse, don't go overtaking with less than 1 mile speed difference and proceed to hog the left lane doing 64 mph for the next 30 miles.
When you enter an elevator, you face the door.
There are those elevators with back-to-back doors on each side. Always make me feel stupid when I am facing one side and suddenly the door opens on the other.
Note: this post originally had 64 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
If, after putting an item in your shopping cart, you decide you don't want it, put it back where you got it! Especially if it's a perishable item. Also, if you knock an item on the floor, pick it up and put it back.
People who have bad knees and can't walk very much without hurting, or people who are in a huge rush, I understand. Except I would ask a store worker if it was perishable like anything frozen, or fresh veggies.
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You may not know who it DOES belong to, but you know it isn't _yours_. Leave it alone.
ONE OF LIFE'S HARDEST LESSONS unspoken rule: there are people out there with a sanguine "natural born salesman" type personality... these people are always acting about one notch too friendly... don't be fooled or seduced by this... these are not your friends, they are just acting sanguine... play along with it and let them pretend to like (love?) you... be nice back & friendly back at them, since if you put them off, they will turn on you and hate you... if they ask for money, favors, or any special considerations, agree to whatever they want, but put them off by postponing any favors for some good excuse or by saying you can't help today, maybe next week... then ask them to do something for you... when they realize you expect genuine commitment and not games in your relationships, they will most likely leave or just leave you alone from then on... (yes, I suffered much at the hands of many to FINALLY learn this life lesson)... If you follow this life lesson unspoken rule, you win either way: a) you gain a genuine committed friend, co-worker, spouse, business partner, etc., or b) the annoying shallow jerk leaves you alone to go and seduce someone else...
The goddamn thing you had in your goddamned hand a goddamned minute ago will suddenly appear in plain sight as soon as your SO comes over to help you look for it.
Or, the stupid a— computer will suddenly start working the second your partner takes a look at it, when before it was making a weird beeping noise or wouldn’t even turn on!
Load More Replies... Men: no, you do not have good aim, so always whipe the seat or that ridge under the seat after peeing, because yes, there ARE droplets EVERYWHERE even though you can't see them.
I feel bad for people who have PTSD and similar mentally debilitating conditions where they just can't quite think straight. Most people don't understand them socially
Thank you for recognizing that. I'm sure my anxiety and social awkwardness has put off a few people.
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If there are completely empty seats (and no assigned seating) on the train/subway/bus, do not sit down next to a stranger.
#7 for sure. I worked in childcare for years, and if Baby took his or her first steps at daycare, we would tell the parent, "He/she is going to walk any time now! So close!" Once I said that and the mom said, "Oh she already took her first steps over the weekend! Isn't she walking here?" I had to fess up. Everyone laughed.
Very eye opening. Many need to read this. Many are just common sense but a couple were new to me like the nod up for someone you know and nod down for someone you don't. Very interesting.
don't ask "how are you" if you just want to make small talk. i hate when people ask that and i'm just about to cry and i'm there : "i'm fine"
A few years ago, I started being honest in my reply to this. Co-workers self-filtered to those who cared and those who don't.
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I remember this one from long ago... if someone offers you a breath mint or gum, take it, you probably need it.
If someone doesn’t remember something you are talking about, don’t say incredulously, “Don’t you remember?!?” Especially if they are over 60.
Apparently none of the authors ever went to Berlin, where almost none of those rules apply;)
Tacit knowledge. We know the rules, but we were never taught them. We, as civilized people, simply know these things. Savages do.not follow these rules..
If, after putting an item in your shopping cart, you decide you don't want it, put it back where you got it! Especially if it's a perishable item. Also, if you knock an item on the floor, pick it up and put it back.
People who have bad knees and can't walk very much without hurting, or people who are in a huge rush, I understand. Except I would ask a store worker if it was perishable like anything frozen, or fresh veggies.
Load More Replies... You may not know who it DOES belong to, but you know it isn't _yours_. Leave it alone.
ONE OF LIFE'S HARDEST LESSONS unspoken rule: there are people out there with a sanguine "natural born salesman" type personality... these people are always acting about one notch too friendly... don't be fooled or seduced by this... these are not your friends, they are just acting sanguine... play along with it and let them pretend to like (love?) you... be nice back & friendly back at them, since if you put them off, they will turn on you and hate you... if they ask for money, favors, or any special considerations, agree to whatever they want, but put them off by postponing any favors for some good excuse or by saying you can't help today, maybe next week... then ask them to do something for you... when they realize you expect genuine commitment and not games in your relationships, they will most likely leave or just leave you alone from then on... (yes, I suffered much at the hands of many to FINALLY learn this life lesson)... If you follow this life lesson unspoken rule, you win either way: a) you gain a genuine committed friend, co-worker, spouse, business partner, etc., or b) the annoying shallow jerk leaves you alone to go and seduce someone else...
The goddamn thing you had in your goddamned hand a goddamned minute ago will suddenly appear in plain sight as soon as your SO comes over to help you look for it.
Or, the stupid a— computer will suddenly start working the second your partner takes a look at it, when before it was making a weird beeping noise or wouldn’t even turn on!
Load More Replies... Men: no, you do not have good aim, so always whipe the seat or that ridge under the seat after peeing, because yes, there ARE droplets EVERYWHERE even though you can't see them.
I feel bad for people who have PTSD and similar mentally debilitating conditions where they just can't quite think straight. Most people don't understand them socially
Thank you for recognizing that. I'm sure my anxiety and social awkwardness has put off a few people.
Load More Replies... If there are completely empty seats (and no assigned seating) on the train/subway/bus, do not sit down next to a stranger.
#7 for sure. I worked in childcare for years, and if Baby took his or her first steps at daycare, we would tell the parent, "He/she is going to walk any time now! So close!" Once I said that and the mom said, "Oh she already took her first steps over the weekend! Isn't she walking here?" I had to fess up. Everyone laughed.
Very eye opening. Many need to read this. Many are just common sense but a couple were new to me like the nod up for someone you know and nod down for someone you don't. Very interesting.
don't ask "how are you" if you just want to make small talk. i hate when people ask that and i'm just about to cry and i'm there : "i'm fine"
A few years ago, I started being honest in my reply to this. Co-workers self-filtered to those who cared and those who don't.
Load More Replies... I remember this one from long ago... if someone offers you a breath mint or gum, take it, you probably need it.
If someone doesn’t remember something you are talking about, don’t say incredulously, “Don’t you remember?!?” Especially if they are over 60.
Apparently none of the authors ever went to Berlin, where almost none of those rules apply;)
Tacit knowledge. We know the rules, but we were never taught them. We, as civilized people, simply know these things. Savages do.not follow these rules..
