“Am I The Jerk For Refusing To Give My Husband My New WiFi Password?”
Once you lose someone’s trust, it can be very hard — or even impossible — to get it back. And it looks like Reddit user Sandy20994’s (who, for the sake of this article, we’ll call simply Sandy) husband may have crossed this line.
A couple of days ago, the woman submitted a post to the platform’s ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ community, asking if she was in the wrong to cut him off of their WiFi, but as her story went viral, more and more people began suggesting their relationship has much, much bigger problems.
The internet dispute, they believe, is just the tip of the iceberg, and a better place to start would be the months of lying—Sandy’s husband told her he got fired, but months later, she learned that he actually quit on his own.
Continue scrolling to read what the woman revealed about her marriage and let us know what you think of it in the comments.
After this woman confronted her husband about their ballooning internet bill, she uncovered details about his past she didn’t even know about
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
So she asked the internet if she overreacted by changing the WiFi password
Image credits: Porapak Apichodilok (not the actual photo)
People unanimously said the woman wasn’t being a jerk, and many of those who shared their take on the situation added that she should probably reevaluate her marriage altogether. Mainly due to her husband’s dishonesty.
There might be some truth to their words. Even though we all tell white lies like “I’m fine,” when we’re not and compliment unwanted gifts, as Darlene Lancer, a licensed marriage and family therapist who has treated individuals and couples for 30 years, points out, in an intimate relationship, emotional honesty is a must.
“Honesty is more than simply not lying,” Lancer writes in Psychology Today. “Deception includes making ambiguous or vague statements, telling half-truths, manipulating information through emphasis, exaggeration, or minimization, and withholding feelings or information that is important to someone who has a right to know, because it affects the relationship and deprives that person of freedom of choice and informed action.”
Although we may consider ourselves honest, the therapist believes few of us reveal all our negative thoughts and feelings about the people we are close to since it requires real courage to be vulnerable and authentic.
Lancer says what, when, why, and how we disclose are all essential factors. “The timing, impact, and our motives should be carefully considered. Full disclosure may be necessary to rebuild a broken marriage. Studies also show that people who have good self-esteem and a high opinion of their partner are more likely to forgive him or her. However, what are the compelling reasons to reveal an affair that’s long over or a current one that we have no intention of ending? In the first case, is it to deepen mutual intimacy? In the latter, is it to avoid it or provoke a divorce that we’re afraid to initiate? Disclosing our dissatisfaction in the relationship might be the necessary conversation that, if communicated earlier, would have prevented the affair.”
For everyone involved, the pain of the secrecy compounds the pain over the initial event, and the longer the deception continues, the more damaging it is to self-esteem. Ideally, before revealing the truth to the person we’ve lied to, it’s helpful to have accepted our mistakes; otherwise, our shame and guilt can be obstacles to genuine empathy for the person we’ve harmed. First, talk to someone nonjudgmental whom you trust, or seek counseling. If we’ve forgiven ourselves, we’re in a better position to answer questions and face the anger and hurt feelings that we’ve caused.
“When the truth comes out, often it’s enlightening. It can help the other person make sense of previously unexplained or confusing behavior. At the same time, it can be devastating and traumatic to discover that the one we loved and trust has betrayed us,” Lancer explains. “It can shatter the image we have of our partner, as well as our confidence in ourselves and even reality itself.”
Unfortunately, by thinking she was in the wrong, the author of the WiFi story proved what’s often the sad part when it comes to victims of betrayal. They frequently blame themselves.
“If the relationship wasn’t working, both partners have a responsibility to speak up and address problems. Although it may be fruitful to examine our behavior in order to learn from it, we’re never responsible for someone else’s actions or omissions,” Lancer adds.
Let’s hope that Sandy will figure things out.
Here’s what people said after learning what happened
331Kviews
Share on FacebookWhen you have to dicipline your husband like you would your teenage kid, maybe it's time to find an adult as a partner
I would like to say as a teen myself most of the ones I know don't act like that.
Load More Replies...Yes, another post that sadly reads more like it would be on a parenting forum 😔
If they live in a rural area it may be limited. My brother does and they have to limit their internet usage.
Load More Replies...My ex husband was always on ticktok and on his phone, at first I thought there was nothing wrong with it till he started using snapchat and chatting with several girls. I asked him several times he said he's just enjoying the vodeos and all. After a while I had help from ethical.gurru at gmail to spy on the phone and what he was going, I found so much stuffs and most of them were incriminating because he chatted with several underage girls and had their naked pictures on his phone.
I’m glad he’s your ex because you needed to distance yourself immediately. You could have been brought down in all that when the authorities find out. If nothing else, it would have been a massive headache working with the police investigation.
Load More Replies...I bet he is lying about wanting to go to school, too. He will just say anything to get her off his back. He just doesn't want to work, period. She just needs to kick his lazy a** out. Make him go to the school of hard knocks!
Where is wifi priced by the gig? Mobile data I get, but I've never heard of wifi being limited this way. Unless she's just looking for a reason to get him off his phone, which is justified...
Out in the boonies sometimes. OP might also be using WiFi synonymously with "internet" and not making a distinction between something like broadband wifi and mobile data. I'm starting to see that more and more often.
Load More Replies...OMG...sounds exactly like my ex! Didn't want to work and quit a retail job he finally got (after being unemployed for a yr) because his boss didn't "care about him"! Meanwhile we were struggling financially and l was paying for everything! Finally cut him off by changing bank accounts. Once the free ride was over he called mommy and daddy and went back home. He even skipped out of paying for the divorce!! Useless POS. Learned my lesson tho!
He only had no job for 3 months. I'd say find a place where they pay your study and where you can work at the same time, so you get paid some. I knew a girl who did that. She didn't want to dump the load on her husband, so this was a good solution. I get that he doesn't always want to do that work. The lying and expecting her to just pay for him was lousy. Knew a guy with a fancy desk job, who let his wife sort apples full time and then whined to us that she was always tired and wanted no sex. Told him he was selfish. He listened.
If he has to work full-time so should she. Equal rights. As for not wanting to be intimate with him - that's another issue altogether regardless of whether it makes her tired by the end of the day or not. If he wants regular intimacy he'll have to find someone else that's into it as much as him and who likewise isn't too tired for it from working a hard manuel job all day. Sound like he should've married someone from the same ilk as him. That's a marriage that's probably not gonna last and it's likely for the best. They both obviously deserve someone better.
Load More Replies...Cell phones are far and away the most addictive things going. I know so many people who can't even look away from theirs long enough to say hello to someone.
This is why I consistently delete apps on my phone. If I find myself spending too much time on one app, into the trash it goes.
Load More Replies...NTA. He's acting like a toddler who didn't get dessert after dinner because he refused to eat his vegetables! Not to mention he's a liar, and lazy. I know this is a bit harsh, but it's just facts!
Or both. He might be doing a lot of online video gaming as well. That can eat up a lot of data.
Load More Replies...What has he been doing on the internet for three months? If he wanted to go back to school he should have got a job to pay for school..
I mean, asides from the husband acting like an entitled teen, the internet is a necessity these days, sadly. How else would he find a job? That said, quitting a job and changing directions with your career or work life, when in a couple, is a discussion to have TOGETHER, BEFORE anything is done. Sounds like the only narcissist here is the husband. NTA
I agree for the most part. My read on this was he had no plans to look for work (at least in retail), and only to go to school once his wife had saved enough money to send him. Meanwhile, he's going to sit at the computer and amuse himself. Only a matter of time until he finds something (or someONE) to do on the web.
Load More Replies...I was in a similar, but opposite, situation once. I got fired (for being too awesome, obviously) and was looking for a job in the middle of The First Lockdown, when everyone was freaking out, which as you imagine was way harder than usual. I was able to pay like normal for 3 months, but for 2 months couldn't contribute to rent. My (terrible) GF at the time started exclaiming how it "can't be hard to find a job when retailers and warehouses are always hring". I'm a Cybersecurity engineer so yeah a retail or warehouse job is literally wasting money and...no. Obviously I ignored that, held out, got a six-figure job a month later and dumped her shortly afterward.
… Wifi ain’t the problem. The extreme lying and the bottomless entitlement are the problems. I think this dude totally confused “wife” and “mommy”.
Stop with taking the internet away and move toward your divorce. It will never be easier and cheaper than it is today. You have a husband who isn’t interested in working and that’s almost impossible to cure. I do know women with this problem - the only ones where it works is if the wife has a very high powered job and the husband looks after the family. This is not your situation.
She needs a new internet provider, kick the old one to the curb, along with the husband! Find an internet provider with unlimited service, and find an adult who actually works for a living. Or get a pet, at least they will appreciate you!
I'd say tell him to go to a cafe or mall an use the WiFi there. Then look for a job. And maybe just get divorced. He's a whiney entitled pos
I lived in a TOXIC relationship like yours for 17 years. "Entitled Narcissists' DO NOT CHANGE. LEAVE. oh, for sure. Unless you have children, CUT OFF ALL CONTACT. GET A RESTRAINING ORDER. keeping a personal journal will help you heal and move on to a happier life. You are NTA.
I'm going to say it since no one else has. The guy did what she ALLOWED him to. He knew full well she'd foot everything when he decided that she would be his "cash cow." He doesn't love her and only married her to use her as a means of support for himself. I find it comical that nobody's has stated that obvious fact. She married her Peter Pan man-child and is dealing with those repercussions. He isn't going to change and she's not too bright if she believes it'll get better. This guy would rather have a "mother" instead of a wife. Get a divorce ASAP. Kids involved or not, no one should be constantly lied to or used for financial gain in any relationship.
I agree with mostly everything you said except the "she ALLOWED" part. How would you know? Do you not watch the Investigation Discovery Channel? There's LOADS of narcissistic liars out here that look, act and sound just like normal folks without any hint of something being off. I'm willing to give this lady some grace given that its every spouse's want in their marriage to have a supportive mate when times get tough. Peaks and Valleys of Life, and all that. But that part screams "blame the victim:"
Load More Replies...you don't have a husband, you have a toddler son. The question is, do you want to be the mom?
Do people still pay for data? i get unlimited for like 30 bucks a month. Thats the total bill, not just a data add on.
Apparently in rural areas they do, as others on here have pointed out.
Load More Replies...What sort of wifi deal does she have? I'm sure it's mostly unlimited for home broadband these days.
When he thinks he's too good to work retail, it's gonna be a slippery slope down to laying on the couch all day, whining about the internet and not doing anything to help out OP. He needs to grow a spine and do what a good partner would do: get a job to contribute, then look for something "good" enough for him.
Pedantic PSA: Wi-Fi and internet access are completely different things. Wi-Fi connects your devices to one another wirelessly. You can have internet access without Wi-Fi and vice versa. Sorry, no relation to the actual story. This just grinds my gears like hearing someone call every video game console "a Nintendo."
So glad Wifi subscriptions in my country aren't based on the amount of internet you use... You pay monthly the same amount and have unlimited access. Better. But this lady's problem goes beyond what you pay for the Wifi. Lying is not okay. And even if there's such a thing as a 'white lie' this is not it. I don't even believe there's such a thing as a white lie. Lying is lying is lying is a violation of trust. Lying is a red flag. No matter the size of the lie it's never white, always just scarlet red. You're not protecting anyone with lying. The truth can hurt, but finding out your loved one lied no matter how big or small hurts more. You may now proceed to wonder what your husband is using the Wifi for and if your husband says he went to a job interview but didn't get the job if he wasn't just meeting with a Tinder hookup. If you can accept him lying over the way he lost his job, he'll know now that he can lie about other things too. Ever since I've been married to a lying piece of sh#t some years ago (which I kept forgiving and forgiving until I found he was cheating) I have a zero tolerance policy for lying. You lie? You're out. Not just cut off from my Wifi, but cut off from my life too. If someone does wrong to me but is honest and asks forgiveness I forgive and thank them for their honesty. But if they lie my trust is violated and as soon as I find out I point them the gap of the door.
The only people I would make an exception for is children by the way. If I have children and they lie to me, I won't kick them out, but they'll still know the consequences of their actions. They'd still come to regret violating my trust and learn to be honest with me. But any other person, not even my husband, has to try lying to me. I'd rather get hurt with the truth, than have my trust violated. I'd rather have a friend for example say honestly they forgot our appointment and they were somewhere else, than lie that they weren't feeling well and were sleeping. Because the truth I can forgive, but lie and I can't trust again. This woman shouldn't trust her husband anymore.
Load More Replies...But, wait a minute, if it were the other way around, the man would be expected to take care of, support, and love his wife unconditionally. And, if he divorced her, she would get half. Do I detect some double standards here? Everybody's saying to leave him, he's acting like a child, NTA, but if it were the other way around, would your responses be the same? Don't act like you didn't know what he was like. You met a good looking guy that took care of you in the bedroom but now you realize that you need more than that. You shouldn't have been so fast to get married. Now you have kids and are in a family dynamic. Give him the password, go to marriage counseling, ensure that he gets a job (even if it's flipping burgers), and stand by your man just like you'd expect him to stand by you. Because you know if it were the other way around, that's what you'd want him to do for you.
How much you wanna bet he doesn’t clean the house cook the food wash the cloths and ect because that’s what we do when we stay home. We work. He’s lazy he’s not a partner
Load More Replies...Depending on where they live he could go use the wifi at a local library/cafe/etc. Internet is not a 'right', as the wife stated. Or, better yet, he could smarten tf up, get himself a job, or get a loan undrr his OWN name or set up a gofundme for education, or he could become a 'housespouse' and take care of the home while she works. Thats still sharing responsibilities. If hes not willing to figure s**t out on his own, kickhim to the curb. Theres only so long that shes gonna be able to handle the stress before something happens. (I know, ive got family in a similar situation.)
I wonder what people would say for husband who did this to unemployed wife 🤔 😳 🙄
The only downside is he can’t look for a job without internet. Yes, he could go to a coffee shop or library but to be fair that really is inconvenient and uses other resources like buying coffee or gas money. I’d probably find a different way to just cap the wifi data usage or times during the day when it’s available. Either way, seek a divorce from that ManChild
He wasn't looking for a job in the first place. So she should just divorce him.
Load More Replies...This doesn’t sound like much of a marriage to me. A proper marriage is a partnership where you tackle problems together with complete honesty and openness - whatever the issue. While his behaviour is pretty devious, I wonder why he felt the need to act in this way to start with? There’s more to this than we’re privy to but there appears to be a lack of honesty and trust on both sides.
Sorry you do not trest your husband like a child, you divorce him and find a man to marry.. I agree the guy is a loser, but if this was her go to, and by how she talks she is the head of this relationship and wants to act like a mother to a man child. He is an oser but something off about her to, just leave him...why mother him.
She should tell her husband to go to the library if he "needs" the internet so badly.
Totally disagree. Martial assets are common property, and retail absolutely will lead to burnout. Instead of showing compassion for who she (supposedly) loves, this lady quibbles over WiFi. What is that if not exactly TA?
Not a lot of options here in Canada, that's just how all the ISPs work- one explanation for OP, anyways
Load More Replies...How do you still have pay as you go internet in 2022? I thought even third world countries had unlimited internet, outside of internet cafes but of course that doesn't pertain here. But as many have said, this is just a symptom of an underlying problem in your marriage. I wish you luck in rebuilding it.
The U.S. is slipping from its first world position at an alarming rate. It's true that most rural areas of the U.S. has subpar internet access compared to most second and third rate countries.
Load More Replies...How much is that wifi service? It's not cheap here but for $35 I get 150+ TV channels (half of them are 1080p) with recorder function, cable phone with 5 cents / minute calls and unlimited internet access with 1000Mbps. I pay another $35 for 2 mobiles with free calls and unlimited 4/5G internet.
You are treating your husband like a teenager.. he is up to something on the phone all the time. Sounds like you need to have a talk about seperating as neither are happy or trustful.
How's he supposed to do anything without internet?... It's very unlikely that they charge her more the more they use it... That's rediculous.
How is he supposed to find a job without internet? Kind of tying to the whipping post.
He's obviously an entry level retail worker. Three months is a long time for that. Besides, he told her to save money for his schooling, and that he had no intention of doing retail again. He's a liar and a user.
Load More Replies...NTA. Your husband is having an affair. Period. End of sentence. See a lawyer immediately to separate his hidden gambling debt from your income. This flag is so red, I'm surprised you aren't entirely blind.
Huh??? You are reading way too much into this. And the facts as stated are enough to see a lawyer and get a divorce. No need to speculate.
Load More Replies...I agree with the majority here, but also using the internet more doesn't make it cost more. It's not like cell phone minutes.
Sounds like an a*****e to me. Why did he feel the need to lie to his wife about how his separation from the company occurred? Screw retail and being treated like c**p by customers and managers. You take away internet access from a grown man, how is he supposed to find a job now? OP ITA and anyone saying she isn't is also infact an a hole.
I'd agree if it hadn't been over three months. That's more than enough time to get another job. If my girlfriend was unemployed for that long I wouldn't cut off her internet access because I would've already kicked her out of my my home long before and moved on with my life. No one should tolerate a freeloader in their life.
Load More Replies...I can definitely see where you're coming from... If he hadn't lied for 3 months.
Load More Replies...If the genders were reversed I'd call her a lazy, dishonest woman with the mentality of an irresponsible teenager, who wanted a sugar daddy to support her fully. Shameful either way.
Load More Replies...When you have to dicipline your husband like you would your teenage kid, maybe it's time to find an adult as a partner
I would like to say as a teen myself most of the ones I know don't act like that.
Load More Replies...Yes, another post that sadly reads more like it would be on a parenting forum 😔
If they live in a rural area it may be limited. My brother does and they have to limit their internet usage.
Load More Replies...My ex husband was always on ticktok and on his phone, at first I thought there was nothing wrong with it till he started using snapchat and chatting with several girls. I asked him several times he said he's just enjoying the vodeos and all. After a while I had help from ethical.gurru at gmail to spy on the phone and what he was going, I found so much stuffs and most of them were incriminating because he chatted with several underage girls and had their naked pictures on his phone.
I’m glad he’s your ex because you needed to distance yourself immediately. You could have been brought down in all that when the authorities find out. If nothing else, it would have been a massive headache working with the police investigation.
Load More Replies...I bet he is lying about wanting to go to school, too. He will just say anything to get her off his back. He just doesn't want to work, period. She just needs to kick his lazy a** out. Make him go to the school of hard knocks!
Where is wifi priced by the gig? Mobile data I get, but I've never heard of wifi being limited this way. Unless she's just looking for a reason to get him off his phone, which is justified...
Out in the boonies sometimes. OP might also be using WiFi synonymously with "internet" and not making a distinction between something like broadband wifi and mobile data. I'm starting to see that more and more often.
Load More Replies...OMG...sounds exactly like my ex! Didn't want to work and quit a retail job he finally got (after being unemployed for a yr) because his boss didn't "care about him"! Meanwhile we were struggling financially and l was paying for everything! Finally cut him off by changing bank accounts. Once the free ride was over he called mommy and daddy and went back home. He even skipped out of paying for the divorce!! Useless POS. Learned my lesson tho!
He only had no job for 3 months. I'd say find a place where they pay your study and where you can work at the same time, so you get paid some. I knew a girl who did that. She didn't want to dump the load on her husband, so this was a good solution. I get that he doesn't always want to do that work. The lying and expecting her to just pay for him was lousy. Knew a guy with a fancy desk job, who let his wife sort apples full time and then whined to us that she was always tired and wanted no sex. Told him he was selfish. He listened.
If he has to work full-time so should she. Equal rights. As for not wanting to be intimate with him - that's another issue altogether regardless of whether it makes her tired by the end of the day or not. If he wants regular intimacy he'll have to find someone else that's into it as much as him and who likewise isn't too tired for it from working a hard manuel job all day. Sound like he should've married someone from the same ilk as him. That's a marriage that's probably not gonna last and it's likely for the best. They both obviously deserve someone better.
Load More Replies...Cell phones are far and away the most addictive things going. I know so many people who can't even look away from theirs long enough to say hello to someone.
This is why I consistently delete apps on my phone. If I find myself spending too much time on one app, into the trash it goes.
Load More Replies...NTA. He's acting like a toddler who didn't get dessert after dinner because he refused to eat his vegetables! Not to mention he's a liar, and lazy. I know this is a bit harsh, but it's just facts!
Or both. He might be doing a lot of online video gaming as well. That can eat up a lot of data.
Load More Replies...What has he been doing on the internet for three months? If he wanted to go back to school he should have got a job to pay for school..
I mean, asides from the husband acting like an entitled teen, the internet is a necessity these days, sadly. How else would he find a job? That said, quitting a job and changing directions with your career or work life, when in a couple, is a discussion to have TOGETHER, BEFORE anything is done. Sounds like the only narcissist here is the husband. NTA
I agree for the most part. My read on this was he had no plans to look for work (at least in retail), and only to go to school once his wife had saved enough money to send him. Meanwhile, he's going to sit at the computer and amuse himself. Only a matter of time until he finds something (or someONE) to do on the web.
Load More Replies...I was in a similar, but opposite, situation once. I got fired (for being too awesome, obviously) and was looking for a job in the middle of The First Lockdown, when everyone was freaking out, which as you imagine was way harder than usual. I was able to pay like normal for 3 months, but for 2 months couldn't contribute to rent. My (terrible) GF at the time started exclaiming how it "can't be hard to find a job when retailers and warehouses are always hring". I'm a Cybersecurity engineer so yeah a retail or warehouse job is literally wasting money and...no. Obviously I ignored that, held out, got a six-figure job a month later and dumped her shortly afterward.
… Wifi ain’t the problem. The extreme lying and the bottomless entitlement are the problems. I think this dude totally confused “wife” and “mommy”.
Stop with taking the internet away and move toward your divorce. It will never be easier and cheaper than it is today. You have a husband who isn’t interested in working and that’s almost impossible to cure. I do know women with this problem - the only ones where it works is if the wife has a very high powered job and the husband looks after the family. This is not your situation.
She needs a new internet provider, kick the old one to the curb, along with the husband! Find an internet provider with unlimited service, and find an adult who actually works for a living. Or get a pet, at least they will appreciate you!
I'd say tell him to go to a cafe or mall an use the WiFi there. Then look for a job. And maybe just get divorced. He's a whiney entitled pos
I lived in a TOXIC relationship like yours for 17 years. "Entitled Narcissists' DO NOT CHANGE. LEAVE. oh, for sure. Unless you have children, CUT OFF ALL CONTACT. GET A RESTRAINING ORDER. keeping a personal journal will help you heal and move on to a happier life. You are NTA.
I'm going to say it since no one else has. The guy did what she ALLOWED him to. He knew full well she'd foot everything when he decided that she would be his "cash cow." He doesn't love her and only married her to use her as a means of support for himself. I find it comical that nobody's has stated that obvious fact. She married her Peter Pan man-child and is dealing with those repercussions. He isn't going to change and she's not too bright if she believes it'll get better. This guy would rather have a "mother" instead of a wife. Get a divorce ASAP. Kids involved or not, no one should be constantly lied to or used for financial gain in any relationship.
I agree with mostly everything you said except the "she ALLOWED" part. How would you know? Do you not watch the Investigation Discovery Channel? There's LOADS of narcissistic liars out here that look, act and sound just like normal folks without any hint of something being off. I'm willing to give this lady some grace given that its every spouse's want in their marriage to have a supportive mate when times get tough. Peaks and Valleys of Life, and all that. But that part screams "blame the victim:"
Load More Replies...you don't have a husband, you have a toddler son. The question is, do you want to be the mom?
Do people still pay for data? i get unlimited for like 30 bucks a month. Thats the total bill, not just a data add on.
Apparently in rural areas they do, as others on here have pointed out.
Load More Replies...What sort of wifi deal does she have? I'm sure it's mostly unlimited for home broadband these days.
When he thinks he's too good to work retail, it's gonna be a slippery slope down to laying on the couch all day, whining about the internet and not doing anything to help out OP. He needs to grow a spine and do what a good partner would do: get a job to contribute, then look for something "good" enough for him.
Pedantic PSA: Wi-Fi and internet access are completely different things. Wi-Fi connects your devices to one another wirelessly. You can have internet access without Wi-Fi and vice versa. Sorry, no relation to the actual story. This just grinds my gears like hearing someone call every video game console "a Nintendo."
So glad Wifi subscriptions in my country aren't based on the amount of internet you use... You pay monthly the same amount and have unlimited access. Better. But this lady's problem goes beyond what you pay for the Wifi. Lying is not okay. And even if there's such a thing as a 'white lie' this is not it. I don't even believe there's such a thing as a white lie. Lying is lying is lying is a violation of trust. Lying is a red flag. No matter the size of the lie it's never white, always just scarlet red. You're not protecting anyone with lying. The truth can hurt, but finding out your loved one lied no matter how big or small hurts more. You may now proceed to wonder what your husband is using the Wifi for and if your husband says he went to a job interview but didn't get the job if he wasn't just meeting with a Tinder hookup. If you can accept him lying over the way he lost his job, he'll know now that he can lie about other things too. Ever since I've been married to a lying piece of sh#t some years ago (which I kept forgiving and forgiving until I found he was cheating) I have a zero tolerance policy for lying. You lie? You're out. Not just cut off from my Wifi, but cut off from my life too. If someone does wrong to me but is honest and asks forgiveness I forgive and thank them for their honesty. But if they lie my trust is violated and as soon as I find out I point them the gap of the door.
The only people I would make an exception for is children by the way. If I have children and they lie to me, I won't kick them out, but they'll still know the consequences of their actions. They'd still come to regret violating my trust and learn to be honest with me. But any other person, not even my husband, has to try lying to me. I'd rather get hurt with the truth, than have my trust violated. I'd rather have a friend for example say honestly they forgot our appointment and they were somewhere else, than lie that they weren't feeling well and were sleeping. Because the truth I can forgive, but lie and I can't trust again. This woman shouldn't trust her husband anymore.
Load More Replies...But, wait a minute, if it were the other way around, the man would be expected to take care of, support, and love his wife unconditionally. And, if he divorced her, she would get half. Do I detect some double standards here? Everybody's saying to leave him, he's acting like a child, NTA, but if it were the other way around, would your responses be the same? Don't act like you didn't know what he was like. You met a good looking guy that took care of you in the bedroom but now you realize that you need more than that. You shouldn't have been so fast to get married. Now you have kids and are in a family dynamic. Give him the password, go to marriage counseling, ensure that he gets a job (even if it's flipping burgers), and stand by your man just like you'd expect him to stand by you. Because you know if it were the other way around, that's what you'd want him to do for you.
How much you wanna bet he doesn’t clean the house cook the food wash the cloths and ect because that’s what we do when we stay home. We work. He’s lazy he’s not a partner
Load More Replies...Depending on where they live he could go use the wifi at a local library/cafe/etc. Internet is not a 'right', as the wife stated. Or, better yet, he could smarten tf up, get himself a job, or get a loan undrr his OWN name or set up a gofundme for education, or he could become a 'housespouse' and take care of the home while she works. Thats still sharing responsibilities. If hes not willing to figure s**t out on his own, kickhim to the curb. Theres only so long that shes gonna be able to handle the stress before something happens. (I know, ive got family in a similar situation.)
I wonder what people would say for husband who did this to unemployed wife 🤔 😳 🙄
The only downside is he can’t look for a job without internet. Yes, he could go to a coffee shop or library but to be fair that really is inconvenient and uses other resources like buying coffee or gas money. I’d probably find a different way to just cap the wifi data usage or times during the day when it’s available. Either way, seek a divorce from that ManChild
He wasn't looking for a job in the first place. So she should just divorce him.
Load More Replies...This doesn’t sound like much of a marriage to me. A proper marriage is a partnership where you tackle problems together with complete honesty and openness - whatever the issue. While his behaviour is pretty devious, I wonder why he felt the need to act in this way to start with? There’s more to this than we’re privy to but there appears to be a lack of honesty and trust on both sides.
Sorry you do not trest your husband like a child, you divorce him and find a man to marry.. I agree the guy is a loser, but if this was her go to, and by how she talks she is the head of this relationship and wants to act like a mother to a man child. He is an oser but something off about her to, just leave him...why mother him.
She should tell her husband to go to the library if he "needs" the internet so badly.
Totally disagree. Martial assets are common property, and retail absolutely will lead to burnout. Instead of showing compassion for who she (supposedly) loves, this lady quibbles over WiFi. What is that if not exactly TA?
Not a lot of options here in Canada, that's just how all the ISPs work- one explanation for OP, anyways
Load More Replies...How do you still have pay as you go internet in 2022? I thought even third world countries had unlimited internet, outside of internet cafes but of course that doesn't pertain here. But as many have said, this is just a symptom of an underlying problem in your marriage. I wish you luck in rebuilding it.
The U.S. is slipping from its first world position at an alarming rate. It's true that most rural areas of the U.S. has subpar internet access compared to most second and third rate countries.
Load More Replies...How much is that wifi service? It's not cheap here but for $35 I get 150+ TV channels (half of them are 1080p) with recorder function, cable phone with 5 cents / minute calls and unlimited internet access with 1000Mbps. I pay another $35 for 2 mobiles with free calls and unlimited 4/5G internet.
You are treating your husband like a teenager.. he is up to something on the phone all the time. Sounds like you need to have a talk about seperating as neither are happy or trustful.
How's he supposed to do anything without internet?... It's very unlikely that they charge her more the more they use it... That's rediculous.
How is he supposed to find a job without internet? Kind of tying to the whipping post.
He's obviously an entry level retail worker. Three months is a long time for that. Besides, he told her to save money for his schooling, and that he had no intention of doing retail again. He's a liar and a user.
Load More Replies...NTA. Your husband is having an affair. Period. End of sentence. See a lawyer immediately to separate his hidden gambling debt from your income. This flag is so red, I'm surprised you aren't entirely blind.
Huh??? You are reading way too much into this. And the facts as stated are enough to see a lawyer and get a divorce. No need to speculate.
Load More Replies...I agree with the majority here, but also using the internet more doesn't make it cost more. It's not like cell phone minutes.
Sounds like an a*****e to me. Why did he feel the need to lie to his wife about how his separation from the company occurred? Screw retail and being treated like c**p by customers and managers. You take away internet access from a grown man, how is he supposed to find a job now? OP ITA and anyone saying she isn't is also infact an a hole.
I'd agree if it hadn't been over three months. That's more than enough time to get another job. If my girlfriend was unemployed for that long I wouldn't cut off her internet access because I would've already kicked her out of my my home long before and moved on with my life. No one should tolerate a freeloader in their life.
Load More Replies...I can definitely see where you're coming from... If he hadn't lied for 3 months.
Load More Replies...If the genders were reversed I'd call her a lazy, dishonest woman with the mentality of an irresponsible teenager, who wanted a sugar daddy to support her fully. Shameful either way.
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