Each of us creates the world we live in. We choose what to include in it and we also decide what to leave out.
Interested in the latter, we dug around Reddit and found a few discussions where people have been sharing difficult-to-accept truths that they know are correct but actively try not to think about.
So we put together the most popular entries, and I gotta say, it's not the easiest list to go through, but it's definitely intriguing and thought-provoking. After all, even if we refuse to acknowledge a fact, that doesn't make it go away.
Continue scrolling to check out what things are bothering people the most and the talks we had with social science writer and researcher Jeremy Sherman, Ph.D., MPP, and professor of psychology at Otterbein University in Westerville, Ohio, Noam Shpancer, Ph.D.
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No-one wants to hear your shitty music in public, especially in class.
According to Shpancer, refusing to think about something we know is true is a form of avoidance. "It may provide short-term relief from discomfort, and can sometimes help us keep from becoming distracted, but in the long term, a habit of persistent avoidance—a refusal to face your known challenges—becomes a bigger problem than whatever issue you were avoiding in the first place," the author of The Good Psychologist told Bored Panda.
This, let's call it practice, sounds quite similar to denial, but, as Shpancer pointed out, the latter is a refusal to accept or acknowledge the truth altogether. "The benefit of denial is that it may, in the short term, buy you some time to summon and mobilize your coping resources," he explained.
"When we hear bad, surprising news, our first reaction is often 'No, it can't be,' even if we have every reason to trust the source of the bad news. This momentary denial may allow us to 'catch our breath' as it were, before delving into the hard work of coping. Relying on denial for the long term is, however, unhealthy. Such persistent refusal to acknowledge and face facts erodes interpersonal trust and communication and leads to bad decisions. If you're falling, there's no use telling yourself that you've learned how to fly."
Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean they are a good person.
My mother and sister are my abusers. I remember seeing a Tumblr post about how great it is to have a sibling as you’ll “always have a friend”. I almost choked laughing at the naivety.
For me it was my father and sister. I hate those posts about 'sisters being special friends for life' or whatever. She's caused me a lot of stress and trauma over the years
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People say don’t cut family out they’re still your family. If your appendix ( a part of your body) hurts you cut that thing out!
I don't feel this deserves a downvote. Here is an upvote.
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Sometimes the best families are those you make outside your biological family.
Like the full version of the saying, 'the blood of the convent is thicker than the water of the womb'
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Just this week a friend of mine was complaining to me about how her horrible grandmother keeps trying her to get back in contact with her equally horrible father because come on we're family, etc. As she put it "they like the idea of me as someone they can abuse and manipulate, but they don't like *me*". So of course she's staying far, far away from those jerks.
These are usually the most toxic as they believe themselves to be excusable cause 'we're family'
One can grow a tumour and cut it out. Same with relatives. Cut the toxic parts out like a tumour.
She died when I was 18 and I honestly was glad about it. I said at the time she couldn't ruin my life anymore. Sadly what she did to me has left deep scars in me and 30 years later I'm still having mental health issues because of my childhood
Just because they're family doesn't mean you're indebted to them either.
It never did. And I have seen people hurting because their loved ones are terrible people.
True true. My sister is a psychopath and it took me a long time to realize I don't have to have her in my life just because she is my sister. BUT then psychopaths do like revenge for being ignored.
Alternatively: Just because we share DNA doesn’t mean I have to put up with your BS.
My mother was physically and mentally abusive towards me. She was also an alcoholic and when I told her that her brother had r*ped me, front and back holes, she told me that I must have forced him to do it to me. I was 8 years old for God sake!!
Yep. I have two sisters who are so toxic I no longer have anything to do with either of them. One is mentally unstable (I'm talking batsh*t crazy) and makes up the most amazing lies. The other is just a nasty, narcissistic drunk. Don't miss either of them. AT ALL.
People are people, related or not. When the chips are down, damn straight you're going under the bus if it profits them or saves their bacon.
I put up with my toxic mother in law because my toxic husband dumped all contact with her in my lap. So he was free and I was miserable. I'd get trapped on the phone with her every night for hours because I was too polite to do anything about it. She fed off my empathy for her, but started creating crazier and crazier things that supposedly happened to her. They both warned me that the other was a crazy/abusive. They were both right. They are my ex mother in law and ex husband now.
Some good posts hear, if you get my meaning. It drives me mad when I hear people say you should really respect your mother and she wont be here forever and what could she possibly have done you can't forgive. I have many reasons but telling them of the night I pulled a pairing knife out of my Dad's chest she left there just before we went into A&E, is always a good start. Mange your own life not mine
I forgot about Father's day. I apologized endlessly on Monday. Today is Tuesday, I leave for a week of work in a few hours. My entire family decided now is the best time to tell me I'm a horrible person even though my dad said he forgave me. And dump everything wrong with me all at once. We also forgot about my husband's dad, his response? He doesn't care. I forgot about a day that is supposedly the one day a year in addition to the rest of the calendar and I'm a bad person for these many reasons from my side of the family. I truly felt bad. But apparently it's not enough, they need to tear me down further. My mom speaks badly about my dad constantly.
Oh, I'm well aware of this, and pretty sure the rest of the family feels the same way about me.
My adoptive father was so abusive that his death was a relief. I found my biological father through 23andMe, and while he's a bit awkward, he's already a better father than my adoptive one ever was.
My mother and sister were my children's abusers. Emotionally and mentally-went no contact and suddenly my kid's self esteem went thru the roof. No more calling themselves stupid, dumb or ugly...
Oh absolutely, I don’t talk to some of my relatives because they are classists and would look down on their poorer relations.
Family are the people you spend time with only because you share DNA.
Not to take away from the abusive, toxic ones but they can also just be bad people in life. My uncle in a sheister con man. He’s fantastic to his wife and kids, BMWs for their 16th bday etc. But when his mother who’s on the pension needed something - not a single cent. And he got all that money from cheating people out of it. The delicious thing is that he had a 100 room (yes, 100!) mansion in the Bahamas - he kind of had to flee US bc too many people were out for him. And that mansion bought with stolen money got completely wrecked in some kind of storm. Like, down to foundations. Was so satisfying to see him reap what he sowed.
Sherman, the author of Neither Ghost nor Machine: The Emergence and Nature of Selves, agreed, highlighting how human life is uniquely anxious compared to other organisms. "Just compare the range of worries a human could have compared to any other critter. No contest. To cope, we need denial, escapism, entertainment, but to survive we need all hands on deck in reality too," he explained to Bored Panda.
"I'm on a campaign I call 'optimal: see illusion, safe escapism or strategic gullibility', encouraging people to take their denialist flights of fancy but always with a return ticket to reality safe in your heart pocket. It's not how far out you go, but whether you remember to come back. The big difference between a death metal concert and an authoritarian political rally is what happens in the parking lot after. After the metal concert, people return to reality. After the rally, people think they've experienced something more real than reality. That's dangerous."
Voting Trump out of office won't magically fix everything. He is a symptom of a bigger disease here in the USA.
Yeah, but it sure made me FEEL better to help vote him out of office!
One study of 2,000 adults across the United States, which was commissioned by global tour operator G Adventures, suggests that the average American spends 12 hours and 56 minutes escaping their reality each week. (That's roughly four years over a lifetime.)
The most popular forms of disconnecting from work, responsibilities, and everything else that drives them crazy came in the form of reading books (1 hour 34 minutes), watching movies (2 hours 37 minutes), and dreaming of vacations (44 minutes).
However, as previously mentioned, this can't go on forever and we need to come to terms with the world around us. Jeremy Sherman thinks people can make it easier for themselves by focusing on what he calls ironic fallibilism.
"An ironic situation is one where you get the opposite of what you expected: you do the right thing and it comes out wrong or vice versa. An ironic attitude is recognition that despite your best effort, ironic situations are not entirely escapable. There is no sure-fire formula for living. Just when you discover the meaning of life, it changes."
"Ironism is not cynicism. It's the recognition that life is deeply tragic and deeply slapstick. Life is tragicomic," he explained.
We need to stop consuming animal products the way we currently are. It's absolutely unsustainable.
The amount of downvotes this post will receive proves the title of this post.
The key part of this is "the way we currently are", and this is very true. You don't have to be a vegan to not participate in the cruelty of intensive factory farming. It is possible to eat genuinely ethically raised animal products where the animal had a happy life - it's just really expensive. Killing is not inherently cruel - subjecting an animal to pain and terror before it's killed is.
"Fallibilism is a concept in philosophy and more than any other notion, fallibilism has given me peace of mind about dealing with reality," Sherman continued. "I think of the fallibilist mantra as 'no matter how confident I am in a bet, I remain still more confident that it is a bet. Life is iffy guesswork. Yoda is wrong. There's only try. One can make better bets. One can bet with high confidence. One can't escape betting."
Sherman sees ironic fallibilism as the antidote to two unworkable approaches that are often combined:
The first one is fundamentalist hypocrisy, or pretending you have the formula for living though you don't, can't, and shouldn't live by it. And the second one is cynical hypocrisy, or pretending there's no formula so you can do whatever you want.
"[Jerks] (I'm a psychoproctologist) employ both. Everyone should live by their supposed fundamentalist formula that they cynically don't think they have to live by. No deed is too dirty for saints like them."
Just because you've been doing something longer than other people doesn't mean you're better at it (driving, job role, sports etc)
Professor Noam Shpancer added that we should revise our expectation that life should be easy, and the attendant aversion to discomfort. "Hardship is not the end of the world," he said. "It is just the world. The default position for human beings is resilience. Normalizing the struggle is useful."
"Second, accepting reality tends to be easier when we take a long-term perspective, because the danger and damage associated with a failure to face reality are usually obscured in the short run and clarify only in the long run. When making decisions, it is, therefore, useful to consider not only your present self but the well-being of your future self as well. When you fail to deal with the facts of your circumstance, you in effect sell out your future self."
"You can achieve anything you put your mind to" is NOT true.
Not even close.
Genetics play a HUGE role in whether or not someone will be a good athlete, or a super successful scientist.
Can you be an "OK" athlete if you try really hard and practice really hard? Sure. Will you break world records or play for a professional team? No. You have to be especially gifted in the genetics department to do those sorts of things.
The same thing applies for mental pursuits. Not everyone is smart. Some people just don't... get it. You can try a million different ways of teaching a subject and some people just... won't... get it. Critical thinking (the ability to see a problem and visualize how to get a solution) comes MUCH MORE EASILY to some people than to others. Can you sit there and memorize things and get good grades and what not? Absolutely. Will you ever be a scientist who does extremely important research and solves the world's next huge problem? Probably not, unless you get hired because of nepotism are dragged along by someone who IS good at critical thinking.
Furthermore, much of what you CAN do is limited by who you know. If you're rich or your parents are rich and they know lots of people and have a large social network or a lot of people who want to please them for one reason or another, you'll likely find a job in whatever career you want to extremely easily provided you're not totally inept. If you're the first in your family to get a degree and aren't good at maintaining a social network you'll likely have an extremely hard time finding a job, even if you are the person best suited for the jobs you are applying for. Even if the job you're applying for is LITERALLY what you spent 5 years getting a PhD on, if you don't know somebody, you likely won't get that job.
Finally, we must constantly work on educating ourselves and seeking knowledge that can provide answers to questions we sometimes can't even articulate. Shpancer believes that history is the subject to start with, as it "shows what happens to those who deny the facts, and about the scientific method, which shows that in refereeing competing truth claims, following the evidence is our best bet.
"'Facts,' said John Adams, 'are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.' The evidence wins out in the end. Don’t you want to be on the winning side?"
All children are innocent, but they’re not all good. Some people will grow up to be f*****g assholes regardless of what they’re exposed to.
Oh yeah, there are some shockingly evil kids out there. I've met a few.
Money can actually make your life happier.
Up to a certain point. If you have 100 million or 500 million, then it might not make much difference.
You need to have your views challenged.
Being around and positively engaging with people who disagree with you is one of the healthiest intellectual practices we can do.
Having an opinion doesn't make you right.
The more children you have, the more you contribute to environmental decline. Literally nobody likes hearing this because HUMANS MUST REPRODUCE YADA YADA.
Most true for Americans, and to a lesser extent the other "western" countries. There were 1 billion people on the planet in 1800. In 1950, there were 2.53 billion, 1980 4.43 billion, 1999 6 billion, 2011, 7 billion, today we sit at 7.95 billion, and will reach 8 billion people by next year. We can't effectively sustain the human population now, 1/3rd of food production ends up wasted, while 1/4 of the global population doesn't have enough to eat because getting it everywhere is a logistical nightmare, and yet a large portion of the population continues to think the only way to solve the big problems of the world is to stay the course, continue unchecked expansion and hope that solutions will be born along with the rising population. We've been playing this game for 40 years with the climate, and we're almost out of time. Yet the mindset seems unchanged.
Just because you love someone it doesn't mean they will love you back. No matter how hard you try to get them to, they just won't.
I guess to counter some people in here:
Not every "real talk", "tough to swallow pill", or "harsh truth" that you have to offer someone is going to be accurate to them, or their situation.
Sometimes you're actually a f*****g d**k that is incapable of considering their perspective or feeling empathy towards them.
¯ _(ツ) _ / ¯
Exactly. Just let people be. Maybe things will work out for them. Maybe it won't. At least they tried. This is a huge problem with long distance relationship communities. You could have one minor question, seeking a boost of optimism. Then people want more information about the relationship. They use that information against the op and base dooming "opinions", some irrelevant to the op's main issue, on their own past experiences that could have been much, much different of a situation. I don't even bring it up anymore. Don't need to.
There's going to be a day where you are totally forgotten by everyone.
Things are going to keep getting worse on our planet and we are in for some serious human tragedy.
Here's the thing, the planet is going to be fine, it's been around 4.5 billion years. It's the people who are F***ed
Your spouse/child/home/job/vacation, etc. is not nearly as important to anyone else as it is to you.
You can't control what happens to you, only how you react to it.
You can also hold anyone who causes those things accountable for it.
That there are people who won’t like you or agree with you and you won’t be able to change their mind so you just have to deal with it
That all gods are man made, start taking responsibility for your own actions and stop thinking that some magical being is going to come and help you out.
Your skin color / sexual orientation is the least interesting thing about you.
Are you telling me my neon purple skin is the least interesting thing about me?? Oh well then.
Capitalism as it’s currently implemented doesn’t work and only increases the wealth of the wealthy at the cost of the poor, the oppressed, and the world. We are literally destroying our ability to live on this planet, and we’ll need drastic societal change to barely survive the coming era.
Fun fact: social capitulation, a rare system used in some insignificant island nations and small Asian countries (tu mi au, xibi San ma) in which the basic necessities of survival are provided but to live comfortably you need to work. It’s an interesting system that seems to work well and I’d be willing to give it a try. An interesting blend of capitalism and socialism
So many of these are negative... So how about the truth that one of the best ways to be happy in life is by helping other people. People don't want to do it, because helping other people feels like you're losing out, but it's true
This is part of my mail .sig: "You're not a sucker to have integrity and treat people with respect." - Barack Obama
No matter how nice you are, people will still just be assholes to you just cuz.
I've dealt with people at work who tried so hard to get me upset. Like really reaching. There are people who will just try to get a reaction out of you, make you feel bad for doing your job, or even just being somewhere. What they really hate is calmness and positivity in their presence of negativity.
Your friends and family likely talk tons of s**t about you behind your back
Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes good things happen to bad people.
You can’t love someone into loving you
SO many people need to understand this! For others' sake and for themselves as well.
That people need to stop putting their trust in god to do things and do it themselves
Everyone you love will die. Everyone you hate will die. Everything ends.
Corona may never go away and be in our lives forever in some capacity.
Or some other vaccine / antibiotic-resistant pandemic. I think COVID has definitely demonstrated rather graphically what I've feared has happened to people over the course of the last 30 year though - people have become more selfish and more prone to f*cking each other over, even for something as simple as a toilet roll - and far more opinionated and entitled when presented with something relatively simple that they could do to prevent getting infected or spreading an infection (like wearing a mask)
No matter what you do you polluted the planet
The only person responsible for -you- is -you-.
So parents should just leave their newborns in the woods or something?
Americans don't want to hear that Columbus murdered and enslaved people.
It's not that they don't want to hear it. It's that they were taught a GROSSLY different version of the story. Though some probably would prefer to keep believing that old lie.
No one really gives a s**t what your eyebrows look like.
But if being and looking groomed and neat makes you feel good and happy, go for it. Not everything is about others´ opinions.
You are always replaceable.
Oh, thank god. I’m starting to wear out. They’d better replace me soon before one of my internal components breaks.
You aren't special.
Note: this post originally had 87 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.
Yep ...and opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one....
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Who needs this kind of negativity in their life? Most of this stuff everyone knows, but we don't talk about, because it's better to focus on the good things in life.
Very poor choices here. Sad and bitter. This is disappointing. Do better. Also - "there are no absolute truths" ... IS an absolute truth. Who approved this garbage?
It's an accepted fact that depressed people have a more realistic understanding of the world. Are you advocating delusion?
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#88 Don't take internet listicles to heart, life is way more gradient than that.
I just want to add........That boys and men who are having sex should all be using condoms. If you don't, you will certainly get either an STD, or a child, or both.
We are, all of us, walking over an abyss. We don't look down, we may not even see it. But when we come to a hole and get a glimpse, it can shake up our world so we never quite recover from it.
Simply amazing how stupid people are and need to be told these things... just.... amazing... You know you can only blame the school system so much...
And the way all of you have responded, is the exact purpose of this article. These ARE ALL TRUE. Yes maybe opinions but they are true opinions. Some of which are scientifically true, and some of which unfortunately humans have proven right. Yea we know these things happen but not accepting that it's going to happen is just plain ignorant, like thinking that some magic will just make it go away or god. I feel like your life will be much more happier and much more fulfilled if you accept that yes one day you will be alone and that everything you love will be gone that everything you do really doesn't matter because it all disappears I think you will live a much Fuller life if you accept that at a much younger age because then you will live every day like it is your last and you will not have any regrets. You could die tomorrow with $70,000 sitting in your bank account I certainly wouldn't want to die knowing the things I could have done and the places I could have seen with that money.
Yep ...and opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one....
Load More Replies... Who needs this kind of negativity in their life? Most of this stuff everyone knows, but we don't talk about, because it's better to focus on the good things in life.
Very poor choices here. Sad and bitter. This is disappointing. Do better. Also - "there are no absolute truths" ... IS an absolute truth. Who approved this garbage?
It's an accepted fact that depressed people have a more realistic understanding of the world. Are you advocating delusion?
Load More Replies... #88 Don't take internet listicles to heart, life is way more gradient than that.
I just want to add........That boys and men who are having sex should all be using condoms. If you don't, you will certainly get either an STD, or a child, or both.
We are, all of us, walking over an abyss. We don't look down, we may not even see it. But when we come to a hole and get a glimpse, it can shake up our world so we never quite recover from it.
Simply amazing how stupid people are and need to be told these things... just.... amazing... You know you can only blame the school system so much...
And the way all of you have responded, is the exact purpose of this article. These ARE ALL TRUE. Yes maybe opinions but they are true opinions. Some of which are scientifically true, and some of which unfortunately humans have proven right. Yea we know these things happen but not accepting that it's going to happen is just plain ignorant, like thinking that some magic will just make it go away or god. I feel like your life will be much more happier and much more fulfilled if you accept that yes one day you will be alone and that everything you love will be gone that everything you do really doesn't matter because it all disappears I think you will live a much Fuller life if you accept that at a much younger age because then you will live every day like it is your last and you will not have any regrets. You could die tomorrow with $70,000 sitting in your bank account I certainly wouldn't want to die knowing the things I could have done and the places I could have seen with that money.
