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Husband Asks If He Is Wrong For Cancelling Trip As His Pregnant Wife Asked Him To Not Drink Any Alcohol
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Husband Asks If He Is Wrong For Cancelling Trip As His Pregnant Wife Asked Him To Not Drink Any Alcohol

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Guess what is simultaneously in the top ten of the world’s best-selling products, the most common causes of domestic crime, and the most frequent reasons for marital quarrels? That’s right, alcohol in all its manifestations.

In fact, a common story is when a simple thing made by people just to create a good mood, as a result, only harms. Most likely, the problem is not even in the alcohol itself, but in the people who use it. And, of course, they sometimes abuse it.

Meanwhile, one such story, told in this post in the AITA Reddit community, has collected about 6.5K upvotes and more than 3K comments in just a few days. However, we sincerely hope that this family drama will end in the best traditions of Hollywood – that is, with a happy ending. But for now, let’s tell it like it is, so cut to the chase!

More info: Reddit

The Original Poster’s wife is expecting a baby so she asked him not to drink alcohol during her pregnancy

Image credits: Jason Lander (not the actual photo)

So, the Original Poster and his wife are expecting a baby. Previously, before the pregnancy became known, both spouses liked to drink a glass or two of alcohol, but now the woman, of course, cannot drink, and in order to, well, “restore justice”, she and her husband agreed for him not to drink alcohol either for all this time. Categorically.

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Image credits: Randomname69696969

The man for sure felt uncomfortable but he agreed – just to support his beloved wife

By the way, using the word “categorically” we meant that even if the husband and wife go somewhere for a meal, then the OP cannot even drink one beer. Of course, it’s difficult. No, not just a little. It’s incredibly, hellishly difficult, and you perhaps understand us perfectly. And you can understand the hubby as well. But he should be given his due – in order to morally support his wife during her pregnancy, he was ready even for such a sacrifice.

Image credits: Randomname69696969

We must say that the OP’s job is, according to his own words, much more stressful and difficult than his wife’s, so in the past a little alcohol just helped him relax after a hard day’s work. The man says that he has worked hard without a holiday for several years – and now, having accumulated a decent amount, he and his wife decided to go on a family trip abroad.

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Image credits: Randomname69696969

The husband hoped that at least during their family trip abroad he will be allowed to drink a little, but his wife was adamant

And, of course, our hero hoped that at least during that trip he would be able to break the agreement and enjoy the taste of some alcohol. But that was not the case! The wife said that if she can’t drink, then he can’t either. Of course, the man could not stand such flagrant injustice!

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Image credits: Randomname69696969

Feeling indignant, the man claimed that he canceled the trip as he doesn’t want to waste money in vain

There are many stories that ended very sadly in quite a similar situation. Fortunately, the OP was a reasonable person – he simply claimed that without a glass or two of good alcohol, the holiday will be spoiled, and in this case he simply does not want to waste his money for literally nothing.

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Image credits: rick (not the actual photo)

Basically, the husband refused to pay for the trip abroad, suggesting to his wife to go somewhere closer and cheaper in return. The wife was also indignant – after all, she was already looking forward to an interesting trip. It all ended in a family quarrel, as a result of which the OP seriously pondered whether he did the right thing in this situation.

People in the comments just wondered why the OP can’t learn how to enjoy his life without drinking alcohol

The opinions of people in the comments, as is often the case, were divided. On the one hand, some commenters advised the OP to work harder on a compromise and probably try to start enjoying life and leisure without drinking alcohol and things like that. By the way, the OP himself also agreed with this point of view.

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Another part of the people in the comments are simply perplexed as to why cancel a trip abroad simply because both spouses cannot drink. After all, according to the commenters, it really feels like a huge overreaction. Why not just screw it and enjoy a wonderful family vacation, folks in the comments ask?

We would like to ask your opinion about this tale as well. Do you think the husband did the right thing, or should he make concessions to his wife? By the way, if you have also had similar cases in your life, we will be glad to learn about them, so please write your own stories directly in the comments below.

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cherryn5150 avatar
Lizzy Crit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not about the drinking. They're in a power struggle for control over the whole relationship and they're not going to make it because there's no compromise for either of them. They're both out to "win" and digging in for a fight

wendillon avatar
Monday
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah this is a weird one. He's so....focused on the money. Like what does it matter who's paying for the trip? We didn't need that information. Why bring their jobs into it? If this was about the drinking it could have been "My pregnant wife doesn't want me to drink on our vacation because she can't drink, so now I want to cancel the vacation and do something else with her. AITA?".

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mdr_1 avatar
Potato
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going to go ahead and get myself banned with an unpopular opinion: he's an a*****e and his wife is not being unreasonable. Not only does she have to sacrifice those things for 9 months plus however long she breastfeeds, but she is in far more discomfort than he is during this time. It's his kid too, that she is suffering for, why shouldn't he show some solidarity and support by sharing her experiences? He threw a dang temper tantrum over "a cocktail by the pool."

glowingsun2002 avatar
BadCat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I fully agree. She's making responsible sacrifices and probably going through withdrawals. He's acting like a spoiled child having a tantrum because he doesn't want to compromise and be a team.

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marneederider40 avatar
Marnie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm concerned that he thinks he is paying for the vacation. Their money is their money. If they routinely split it up (evenly) into his/hers accounts and then each has that as discretionary and if he is then using that money for the trip (whereas she would be using her money for something else), then he is paying for the trip. Otherwise, THEY are paying for the trip. When did people start treating marriage like they are roommates?

boredpanda_99 avatar
SirWriteALot
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, that irked me too. Every relationship I've heard of that had "my money" and "her money" was not a happy one.

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abigailrose_1 avatar
Wysteria_Rose
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He says he just wants one drink with dinner or by the pool on vacation...but wants to cancel the entire vacation because he possibly can't? I'd understand if they were planning on going to a beerfest or something but to cancel the entire trip over something he claims isn't "that big of a deal" seems overkill.

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a deal...digging through the tread, the amount he was planning on having went from "a couple of drinks on vacation, to "a couple of beers with dinner and a cocktail by the pool". So probably 3-4 a day. Bit more than he made out in his original post

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cassilyris avatar
Cassi Lyris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH. Period. Both have learned to cope with drugs and alcohol and are now trying to change because "oopsy baby". And yes, he's an alcoholic, and it sounds like so is she. Grew up with alcoholics. Everything revolved around "relaxing" after work. EVERYTHING.Just one more bowl, just one more beer. This whole situation sucks, and I mostly feel bad for the child about to be handed over to them. He thinks life is hard now? Rude awakening incoming. These two can't even agree on not drinking and I have no doubt he's sneaking the green and drinks behind her, and I'm willing to bet she is too. Also, lording the reality that he controls all the money in their relationship like this is classified as financial abuse. That's not me, that's the law in most countries. These are all things that need to be agreed upon before babies happen. A relationship shouldn't be based on who "wins". They're both wrong and their kid is going to pay the price.

lordmysticlaw avatar
Lord Mysticlaw
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah the fact that it's such a big deal for him to not drink does set off alarm bells in my head. Not consuming alcohol really shouldn't be such a big deal, surely he can enjoy a vacation without it?

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glowingsun2002 avatar
BadCat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When a couple is expecting a baby that is time to learn how to be a team, how to support each other and how to think of the other person and not just themselves. This couple is going to be in for a rude awakening when the baby arrives if he can't accept his wife doesn't want him to drink alcohol on one vacation. Oh boohoo. That isn't her being controlling nor unreasonable. It's one, simple request. He helped get her pregnant. If he wants to be an involved Dad that doesn't mean sitting on the sidelines just watching his partner go through everything alone.

boredpanda_99 avatar
SirWriteALot
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Disagree. It's not a "simple request". She wants to control how he lives his life. It is like he would "request" that she go to the gym 3 times a week. Stop interfering in each others lives, people. If you don't like the person you're with, don't make babies. Stop thinking you can "change" someone.

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bobkegeles avatar
Sonnovab Kegeles
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let's see, he put his d*()k in her and she got pregnant. She didn't do it on her own. She's dealing with all of the health and body issues, while he just wants a drink now and then. She's not drinking because it could heart THEIR baby, he just wants a drink or two. She will have lifelong physical ramifications from carrying THEIR baby, but it's more important that he has a few drinks. Yeah, no doubt whatsoever that he's being the ahole. Also, he stresses, that HE's not going to pay for the trip if he cannot drink. Just a wee bit of "my money" b******t going on. If he had said, he didn't think THEY should spend money on the trip, that would make it just a bit less obnoxious.

christianconrad avatar
Christian Conrad
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Will she have any less of those lifelong physical ramifications if he doesn't drink?

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jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having been pregnant a few times myself she is being unreasonable. It's selfish to stop someone else from enjoying something just because you cant. I also think the husband is an a**e... but not for cancelling the trip. He is an a**e because he thinks his financial contributions entitled him to control her. They are both selfish and controlling and might want to think about what kind of relationship they want to model for their child.....

erikah_ avatar
ERIKA H.
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People often confuse compromise with bargaining in a relationship. Compromise leads to resentment because that means one person has to give up something to appease the other. Bargaining involves being collaborative and finding a solution where both partners can walkaway happy. In this case, maye a solution could be as simple as the husband being allowed to drink on the trip but not drinking in front of her. Regardless, they are both being unreasonable and are not having compassion for one another, which is just leading to a stand still rather than resolution.

nekkuporo avatar
Adalmina
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He could just drink non alcoholic drinks on the trip, ain't that hard

madisongarca avatar
christinekuhn avatar
Ael
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I knew what kind of guy that is when he mentioned how he 'pays for' the trip, and much more his job makes. He has no wife (in his mind). He as an incubator. It's not about how reasonable his wife's request is (I heard it from other couples and the men were fine to share some of the disadvantages), this is about him thinking he is the big boss man. Red flags, wife should run.

christianconrad avatar
Christian Conrad
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Either that... Or he just told the actual facts in order to explain why he didn't want to spend his money on a "vacation" where he'd be controlled all the time, so readers would have the background to judge whether _not wanting to spend one's money on a "vacation" where he'd be controlled all the time_ makes him the AH. I mean, that's what's in the actual words he wrote. All you people reading "incubator" and stuff in it, you're reading something that isn't actually there but only in your heads.

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nonawolf avatar
Nona Wolf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you can't work out a compromise for this minor issue - then raising a child together is going to be VERY challenging.

savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would never even think about telling my husband he couldn't drink.. I'm 20 weeks pregnant right now. I DD for him but when I'm ready to leave, we leave or he Uber's home. When I'm no longer carrying our baby or breastfeeding (if it works out that I can) then he will DD for me for one year. He'll still drink at home when he wants but if we go out to dinner, he will be sober and drive me like I've done for him. That's our deal. I couldn't possible imagine being so petty in my marriage. Both of these people just want to control the situation.

lordmysticlaw avatar
Lord Mysticlaw
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my opinion, both are being assholes and this whole situation tells me they should not be having kids. Wtf are they gonna do every time they disagree about something related to kids and parenting?

madisongarca avatar
Madison García
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is a chance for the dad to week, the mom to win, but there's no outcome where the kid wins

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karasimpkin avatar
K Ann
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nta just cause she can't drink doesn't mean he can't - as long as he doesn't get wasted. Entitled much?

royalstray avatar
Royal Stray
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They're both ridiculous, who in their right mind would cancel a vacation over not having a drink? (unless it's a wine tasting or something.) The wife is equally bad refusing him a drink to the food just because she can't have one. What is weird to me is how casually he talks about having a beer or two with a meal and then says that he rarely drinks. It doesn't really add up. I wonder if his wife is having problems with quitting drinking and needs him to stop too. Not an excuse for either, just a thought

larisamigachyov avatar
Lara M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the two are connected. If the wife is noticing problematic drinking behavior, she may very well be concerned that he won't stop drinking once the baby is born, and it is not an unreasonable concern. The fact that he has canceled a vacation because he can't drink is very concerning and shows that the wife is right in noticing problematic drinking behaviors that need changing.

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helenhowcroft avatar
Broad Panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This sure as heck doesn't bode well for them parenting together. She's asking a relatively small thing of him, which she probably sees as symbolic of his willingness to alter his life for fatherhood, and he threw a tantrum. Also, we're hearing it how he tells it. I would LOVE to hear her side.

gmadams avatar
Blackheart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. Ahole and not just for the drinking but for nearly all of what was said in this post.

juliet_bravo avatar
Jill Bussey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA. So, OP goes on holiday to drink? Nothing else? Spending time with his wife, for instance? It's probably the last opportunity for some time to spend together. She's the one doing all the work for this period and surely deserves a holiday.

danielsmomsheila avatar
Sheila Weila
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is passive-aggressive, canceling the trip because she doesn't want him to drink. I wouldn't want to bear his children.

christianconrad avatar
Christian Conrad
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he is "passive-aggressive" for cancelling the trip, then what is she for forbidding him to drink? Aggressive-aggressive?

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liz-h-gregory avatar
Nicely
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The big holiday we took while I was pregnant was to Bavaria in southern Germany, where the range of non alcoholic beers is so good we were both happy. My husband had to drive because my pelvis decided to fall apart around 15 weeks in and I couldn't, and we went to a bunch of lovely taverns and drank the tasty non alcoholic beer to our hearts content. Being pregnant is really hard, it's upsetting when a person expects you to do all that and make all the changes and sacrifices alone.

purplezebra avatar
SillyPandaBunny
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So much wrong here. She should not be dictating what he can or cannot consume. He should not be thinking of it as his money but rather their money. Both of them sound like they relied on chemical substances to enjoy life which leads me to believe neither of them like their life very much. Neither seem ready to raise a child when they themselves seem so childlike. Poor baby.

v_r_tayloryahoo_com avatar
v
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP cancels a nice trip because he can't drink some alcohol and then he wonders where all the alcoholism talk is coming from. Alcoholism isn't only being drunk at every opportunity. Alcoholism can also be the act of bending life around if, when, where you can have a drink.

daqadoodles_1 avatar
Debbie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His view of a relaxed vacation includes nice dinners with some alcoholic drinks. Maybe she would really want that too and thus that is a harder time for her, which he should realize. She doesn't get a vacation from being pregnant. Blame it on pregnancy hormones that she insists. Maybe she wants him to stay sober in case something happens (to her) and they need to go to the hospital. Or maybe to go get snacks bc cravings. While on holiday there are no friends/family around to help in case of emergency.

vladimiramat avatar
Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA. currently pregnant. i am not forcing my husband not to drink but he shows the solidarity and doesnt drink as I cannot drink either and it is really a nice thing to do as we are in this together. i totally understand her she has many other restrictions on top of alcohol and it is only fair he would support her. not drinking and smokimg can only help you save money and improve your health so no negatives. this is your last chance to go for a vacation as a couple and probably the last vacation for some time why cancel it

hopetirendi avatar
Hope Tirendi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With as much "smoking" and getting "wasted with friends" these two do I really don't think they were ready for a kid!!!

fc_2 avatar
F C
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When married pregnant women make these sorts of requests usually they are nervous that they will wind up doing all the childcare alone. They start asking their husbands to complete certain tasks essentially to see if he's basically "in this together." The drinking may not be the problem but how he behaves when he drinks. I think they're both being very insecure and there is clearly not a strong foundation in this relationship. The vacation js cancelled because they'll cekarly be arguing about anything and everything. A spouse does not control you. Sometimes you can say "I'm sorry it upsets you but this vacation I will have a few glasses of wine" or something. As some one already said this is not about alcohol, but about control in the r.s

petemccann avatar
DrBronxx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Speaking as a man whose wife is currently pregnant, I think he's the AH. Such a selfish AH. Being pregnant is *hard*, and requires so much sacrifices. Whatever he has given up, she has given up so much more. I have reduced the amount I drink, and will pretty soon will stop altogether. I don't want to be out drinking when my wife is suddenly rushed to the hospital, for whatever reason, good or bad. This dude has to think much less selfishly about himself, because it's only going to get harder once the baby arrives. In a nutshell, when a couple are expecting, the pregnant one has the final say. Also, I'd be a bit worried about his relationship with alcohol. He's cancelling (or refusing to pay for) a trip just because he can't drink, and then downplays his need for alcohol in his responses to comments. That is a (potential) red flag.

blueathena623 avatar
Libby King
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Him: my wife is being so unreasonable by not wanting me to drink at all!! It’s not like I have a problem!! Also him: I 100% will cancel the lovely vacation I’ve planned and saved for if I can’t drink alcohol. Like, maybe the wife has some good reasons for not wanting him to drink. Just saying.

judytakacs avatar
Judy Takács
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are several issues. When you are a married couple, BOTH of you are paying for it, regardless of who has the larger income, so its not just up to him to "not pay" for the vacation and cancel it. If he made a promise to his wife to express solidarity with her pregnancy and not drink during it, then he should honor that promise. Possibly she made him do it for a reason…that now that parenthood is impending, maybe they both need to sober up a bit. If the vacation would not be as fun without alcohol then they should go on a vacation that is less reliant on fine dining and alcohol, and save the European trip for another time when no one is pregnant, nursing and the kid(s) are staying with the grandparents. It may be a while, but no one said parenthood makes life easier.

vs222ak avatar
Ladytron
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to not drink while she's pregnant. Pregnancy is rough and affects you far beyond not being able to drink. Agreeing to abstain from that is a small price to pay to show some solidarity and empathy in the situation and can make you feel less alone. ALSO; it's VERY uncomfortable how he says he has a more stressful situation and "his money". Wow, you are going to have a kid together. It's going to get really ugly with that mindset...

janetclarke avatar
Hiker Chick
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He doesn't give the reasons she asked him not to drink, so it's possible her request was very reasonable. When I was pregnant, the smell of alcohol (especially beer) and alcohol-breath made me extremely nauseous. Also, she may want him to stay sober so he can drive or otherwise care for her if there's a problem with pregnancy or if she goes into early labor.

asherikamichaela avatar
AshErika Michaela
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude has a problem and won't admit it. He canceled a whole vacation just because he thinks it wouldn't be "worth it" without the ability to drink. He needs to find healthier relaxation methods because it sounds like he's on the verge of being dependent. That's no small thing, especially when they're about to be parents. Kudos to his wife for doing what's best for their future family. Pity he refuses to see that.

kodydigrekody avatar
Kody Digre (Kody)
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you can't agree to pause your drinking than you shouldn't be drinking at all.

mirandadaugherty avatar
Miranda Daugherty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It takes two to get pregnant. You agreed to have this woman carry your child jsut as she agreed to gwt pregnant. She didn't get that way by herself. Both of you are being assholes. The fact that you are fortunate enough to be financially able to throw away a vacation just because you can't drink and you're whining about it is absurd. She has to quit drinking for 9 months and you not being able to suck it up is absurd. The fact that she is demanding it of you is absurd. You are both being shitty and entitled about this and need marriage counseling

thriftyadams17 avatar
Lawrence mcalistar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Except the difference between drinking and smoking is smoking she could get 2nd hand which could effect the baby and with drinking your being considerate if choosing not to drink

thriftyadams17 avatar
Lawrence mcalistar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with kurugabae but i would like to add i think it would have been better instead of hoping to get that alcohol and trying to bribe your wife and getting her hopes up...if really you having alcohol or not was the main reason for that trip you should talk to your wife and discuss it instead of making plans without her and have her feel bad and make her feel like y'all could have fun but since she don't let you drink then it's" her fault"

loryndabenson avatar
Lorynda Benson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it's just the two of you on vacation while she's pregnant i think you're being unreasonable to cancel the whole trip. You're not gonna get another chance to take a trip abroad with just you and your wife for a while. Also i can understand from a different perspective in that she's pregnant and she needs you, as her spouse to be in your right mind in case something happened to her and she needs you to do something like be able to take her to the hospital in case there's a complication with the pregnancy. You're going to be abroad in another country, you need to be sober for her in case of an emergency. While i think it's a strange request i also don't think it is unfair for her to ask you not to drink. There are other reasons you shouldn't be drinking around your pregnant wife. You'll live without the alcohol.

amandabrunty avatar
Amanda Brunty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm gonna go ahead and say this, but he's the asshat. And it's not about the alcohol(well, not entirely). Drink, don't drink...Your free, a person, and over 21...I'm not your mama. Granted, the both of them are about to be parents...but I digress. The fact is that life is way to short, after the baby is born..you 2 will never be you 2 AGAIN, and trips can be a once in a lifetime event, and you cancel it for beer? BEER!?!? If it was cocaine or something bougie, I'd understand...but beer? Craps nasty anyway. Like why cancel a nice romantic getaway because she says you can't drink. Drink anyway! What she gonna do? Not to? Then she would be the asshat. Just take your hormonal, super stressed wife out on a nice trip...and don't drink around her. Not that damn hard...sheesh

itsabrandnewday avatar
Melanie White
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see so many issues with this entire post by the OP. He qualifies his drinking (or excuses it) from the beginning. My experience with addicts is they will do the same which means you need to adjust up their consumption. This flagged for me as a completely sober wife might not want an inebriated husband. I imagine if they normally enjoy smoking and drinking together, it is a struggle for the wife. She has given up both and is struggling with hormonal changes. She may need the extra support through the pregnancy. She shouldn’t be dictating his choices, but he could avoid throwing tantrums. Sounds like she will be raising an infant and a man-child. His focus on money is concerning too. A child will require his time, attention, and money. Sounds to me like he isn’t ready to be a parent. Parenting requires sacrifice. All relationships require sacrifice but parenting (especially in the beginning) requires additional sacrifice. You can’t be high and unaware when you have a newborn.

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Gayle Nadeau
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ur cancelliing a beautiful memory over not getting to do something u already agreed not to do. It is important to keep ur word in order to maintain trust in ur marriage. It's like cutting off ur own nose to spite ur face (,ur wife is ur OWN flesh) because this is ur last opportunity to go somewhere without an infant or toddler. Even if u have a babysitter it will never the same because u can never truly relax if someone else is keeping ur baby. And I don't think ur wife is trying to control u she just needs emotional support. I'm sure there is several times she may have wanted to drink also. Why make her feel worse or punish her for not wanting to keep ur word? I do understand how u feel though because u think she could easily make an exception but what if ur drinking causes her to want to drink? Ur not only supporting her emotionally ur helping to protect ur child and ur marriage by keeping ur word. That was an honorable thing for u to agree to to begin with. Very honorable.

christinamcgough avatar
Christina Mcgough
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is Ahole!!! How is it unreasonable for him to abstain from weed and alcohol during her pregnancy? They got pregnant together didn't they! It's BS how everyone expects so much of a pregnant woman and nothing of the father... A pregnant woman sacrifices so much to grow a healthy baby her body, recreational drinking and smoking , work , freedom and certain medical care, it is not unreasonable to expect sobriety from both parents while the woman is pregnant .

tarsa13 avatar
CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait until he finds himself banned from smoking/drinking *forever* when the baby is born. They better start couples therapy NOW.

andreabenavides avatar
Andrea Benavides
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Both the wife and the husband are being unreasonable. I am a woman and I have been pregnant twice. I would never tell my husband to stop drinking the entire time during my pregnancy. That's pretty unreasonable. Having a drink here and there doesn't do wrong to anyone. I will be very opposed if my partner would be hammer the entire time. Canceling the trip because I can't have a few drinks? Yes, your are going too far. However, I do understand your situation where you haven't had a vacation in a loooong time, of course you want to enjoyed a nice steak with a nice red wine. You want to relax at the beach and have drink. Especially if I am working very hard (not because you are the main breeder. That has nothing to do when you want to enjoy your vacation) absolutely I would want to enjoy my vacation however I want. But you don't have to make her feel less because you make more and she needs to stop of being controlling. Both can find ways how to enjoy your vacation when both compromised.

camyfaicamyfai avatar
VegasMade09
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think he's the a*s hole. And he doesn't seem like an alcoholic just because he wants to be able to drink on a trip that he saved money for. I wouldn't want to go either if someone told me I couldn't enjoy a cocktail at the pool on MY OWN DIME. I say this as a mother of 5. I would never tell my husband that he can't drink. What's the point? Is she so tempted to drink that SHE can't handle being around alcohol is the question. Sounds like a misery loves company kinda situation.

gaele_pena avatar
Gaële Pena
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I discover my pregnancy the day before going on an all-inclusive trip in a tropical island for one week. So obviously I didn't drink alcohol on the trip, but a lot of non-alcohol cocktail ! It was really great, and I didn't feel frustrated. You should try thoses vacation, that's not the alcohol in the drink that make great memories . Ps : I didn't force my husband on the non drinking rule during my pregnancy but I have to admit that sometimes it feels hard to see him having fun drinking when I couldn't

vickitravis avatar
Vicki Travis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You don't mention how long this vacation is. If it's for a few weeks, I am sure you can survive without alcohol. Millions of people do it every day. Be an adult, support the woman you love and the person providing you with your first child. I am more concerned that your wife went to work high.

jangardner avatar
Jan Gardner
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If living without drinking is so frightening for you then I question whether you're an alcoholic. I can't believe the number of people who can't imagine having fun without drinking. Due to a medication I must take, I can't drink. I don't care if others drink but your wife is pregnant and you put alcohol ahead of her? Your priorities are seriously messed up.

vickimathison avatar
Vicki Mathison
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Shes growing a human, and you can't or wont give up drinking? You also spent a considerable amount of time talk finance. This is a hugh red flag that you are tring to get power in the situation by your ability to bring money to the household. Well you can't buy a baby so there is that. Please seek counseling now or the issue we are not talking about but are Clearly there will ruin your marriage before your child is 2.

midoribirdaoi avatar
Midoribird Aoi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A beer once in a great while is not drunkenness, but 💯 don't smoke. If you must, never around the kid! You will affect them for the rest of their lives. Also maybe consider giving up the booze entirely if you depend on it to de- stress. The stress of a child is so much higher, and that will drive up the need to drink a lot more.

marigenbeltran_2 avatar
Windtree
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand why it is so important to the wife that her husband (OP) doesn't drink if she can't. As long as he is a responsible father when the baby is born, who cares if he drinks, just maybe not in front of her. Maybe my opinion is not a popular one though.

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suspect all of their friends smoke or drink, so she is feeling very alone. Not wanting he husband to do so probably makes it a bit easier to cope since she would have someone to relate to. Just a guess.

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dianehunt_1 avatar
Diane Hunt
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you are not going to enjoy a holiday because you can't have a couple of drinks, then why waste the money on the holiday. Stay home and do something else together on your vacation time. It doesn't matter what it is, if you aren't going to enjoy doing something, why spend money on it?

daansmeeladres avatar
Danielle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband doesn’t drink a lot, but now that I’m pregnant I hate the way it stinks when he does. The occasional beer itself doesn’t bother me, but I find it selfish if he drinks when he knows I can’t stand the smell. Maybe the OP’s wife has a similar problem?

jangardner avatar
Jan Gardner
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was the vomit queen when pregnant. I could see the food odors sticking to the walls and they hung from my hair. My now EX-HUSBAND thought I should still cook his meals until I had lost so much weight my OB/GYN tore him a new one. When food, drinking and/or smoking is higher on your list of priorities than your spouse and unborn child then you are messed up. Yes he is the AH. I WAS married to one. My sons don't call him dad. One calls him by his first name and the other refers to him as his "sperm donor". Get your priorities straight husband.

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kathyb_3 avatar
Kathy B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I was pregnant twice and neither time did I demand my husband or friends not drink.

kelley_baltierra avatar
Kelley Baltierra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can understand the not smoking because she'd still have to deal with secondhand smoke...but the drinking? No ... still think the OP is being a little petty, you can have fun on Vacation without intoxicants. But if it's about saving money, especially with a kid on the way, then feel free to do a staycation

af-fuerst avatar
Zheraa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The way the husband describes his wife's smoking habits being worse than his and his job being more stressful and paying more. He is clearly telling a very one-sided and biased story. We don't know why or how the wife asked him to not drink. If I think about going on vacation while pregnant I sure as hell would not want to have to look after my drunk husband in that state. The red flags in his way of talking about her and the Powerplay he engages in, make me think that he might not be more pleasant when drunk. Also, first he is talking about one beer at dinner, a bit later it's already a couple of beers. His wife simply might need him to be a sober and responsible adult on vacation to feel safe, as she is in a state vulnerability, being pregnant. I find this totally reasonable. Why does his need for alcohol hold more power than her need to feel solidarity, safety or even just being able to rely on her partner?

deborahbrett avatar
Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This guy sounds like an a*****e. His wife also sounds like a a*****e. He's obsessed with money, and it's "his" not "Theirs", he can't enjoy himself without a drink, she can't let him enjoy a drink if she can't. He's going to cancel their holiday because she's telling him he can't drink. These two should invest the holiday money in marriage counselling instead, or they're going to be divorced before their kid is out of diapers.

robyn63ward avatar
Robyn Ward
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stop smoking , sure, I would agree to that too because smoking affects all around. Stop drinking, nope, no way, you are a casual drinker. She wants to stop drinking, her choice and she has no right to force you to do it as well.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What you're saying is true but would you not stop anyway just to show solidarity? This whole things seems like a mess, I can see both their view points but it just seems immature that they cannot compromise.

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kevinwilcoxon avatar
Kevin Wilcoxon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Question. Would he insist she not drink if he were pregnant and couldn't drink?

jenngermain avatar
Jennifer Germain
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The smoking thing, yes do quit or not smoke around her. She is making the sacrifices right now and having someone smoke around you when you can't makes it that much harder. The drinking I am on the fence about honestly, when I had my first son, almost 40 years ago I would have a half beer every once in a while, maybe 3 times during the pregnancy. I never expected others not to drink around me during any pregnancies but did ask they smoke away from me.

berend34_bw avatar
Berend Werkman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA Your wife is way to conttoling if she cant drink OK but why ban you from drinking to I would invite some friends and have some drink after work whithout her

boredpanda_99 avatar
SirWriteALot
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe the wife was an alcoholic and is now struggling with staying sober for the child's sake. In that case I can understand. Like no smoking, maybe. But "just because I want to" is not a good enough reason. Sounds petty and controlling.

libby6 avatar
Stargazer66
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, your wife is though. She's acting like she 's your mommy. Sounds like a huge honking relationship red flag to me and I question whether the two of you should even be having a child together.

danielszy0814 avatar
Monosyllabic girl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone in AA/NA its NTA for me but they have bigger problems. If they were going to france or italy or somewhere we here wine is traditional with dinner i wouldn't ban him from a drink with dinner, that's all about control. The "his money" thing is going to be a problem when she's on maternity leave though. Been there, still have the t-shirt and would like to prevent others from the getting the souvenir! They should go somewhere closer anyway and utilize rest of money towards baby. Or therapy.

danboos avatar
Dan Boos
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Given the fact that the wife is sacrificing elements of her life while enduring her (and his) pregnancy, his giving up alcohol on their trip is a miniscule sacrifice. The guy needs to man-up and be a good husband. It sounds like though that the couple have other issues at hand. I must say that I've seen very few marriages work, where selfish or immature partners are part of the equation.

chasencrooks avatar
Chasen Crooks
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why you don't get married fellas. So what if she can't drink. Why should he stop drinking? Most likely she wanted a baby the most so this comes with the territory. Seems like she is controlling.

tobecontinued avatar
To Be Continued
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think one last hurrah is fine. Though im one of those women that when i see my man working ling hours. No holidays busting his a*s i want him to be able to enjoy himself to the fullest. He as well wants the same for me. No I dont agree with the wife

scorpios_sexiest avatar
Ceka Molotov
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why schedule the vacation when she cant drink, relax, and have fun anyway? He gives zero Fs about her

bobvanwijk avatar
bob van wijk
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wut? She can now go on a holiday in quietude. Few months later, bring the diapers and 10 bags of kid stuff and one shirt for yourself.

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robertmorrow avatar
robert morrow
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the worst article I've read in 2022. Why is this newsworthy? Let's see more of Charles and his gardening , just appeasing the poor and uneducated.

alexquestionmark avatar
Alex QuestionMark
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I noticed he never said how far along she is, their ages, and where they were going. I could understand if she was in her last trimester and made be the fear of something going wrong with her pregnancy. I also would if it was planned or not, how long they married, and etc. I could understand if she was in her last trimester going on a vacation that is far from home and the only person she lean on is her husband. There are too many what if's to make a clear decision for me

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, in the thread, he said she would be 5 and a half months along ...so he is throwing a tantrum about the POSSIBILITY of not being able to drink for 5 months. It sounds like he was planning on 3-4 a day while on vacation. He also said she wouldn't allow him to go out and get "wasted" with friends....so there is quite a bit more drinking going on than he originally said.

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gabrielgawrada avatar
Gabriel Gawrada
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your wife has no right to dictate what you do or don't do to enjoy your down time, especially if she herself used to do the same things.

timothywall avatar
Timothy Wall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The proud papa-to-be can be supportive during the shared experience of pregnancy in many ways including this one. He won't get many chances like it, and he'll be forever glad that he made the most of it. The pair can share non-alcoholic beer or cocktails if they'd like to, and make memories they can happily share in the years to come. I wish them the best.

mykids778496 avatar
Mary Rose
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. If they are occasional drinkers and both gave it up because mama is doing what's right for baby, great. All these people critizing the OP because he'd like to have a drink or two on vacation are, IMO, missing the point. OP having a drink will not affect mama or baby. It's his vacation, too. He is planning a vacation closer to home, without the extravagance of their normal vacation. Both need to get used to that. Besides, who wants to risk that kind of travel while expecting?

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it was a drink or two, she probably wouldn't....he was planning on "a couple beers with dinner and a cocktail by the pool.". So, like, 3 a day? Seems a bit cruel to spend half of your vacation drinking in front of your pregnant wife....he also said he wasn't allowed to go out and get "wasted" with friends anymore....do with that what you will.

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ricericebaby929 avatar
jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While I think demanding concessions was off, I don't feel like that is the case. I'm guessing all of their friends smoke or drink, so she has effectively been cut off. Wanting her husband to understand a fraction of what she is going through seems reasonable. If he is still drinking, she will be coping with all of the repercussions of carrying their child alone. I can't even imagine.

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helentaylor avatar
Helen Taylor
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand not smoking around a pregnant person because of secondhand smoke inhalation. I wonder why the wife does not want alcohol around her. It sounds like one or the other of the couple does have a drinking problem. As for the man, respecting his wife’s wishes while she’s growing his child, there are plenty of really delicious non-alcoholic drinks. There are non-alcoholic beers and virgin margaritas etc. If the object is to drink something delicious around the pool, it does not have to be alcoholic. That man’s reaction makes me worry about him as a husband and father.

alucardbebopbunny avatar
Jamie Mayfield
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You know what seems stressful to me? Being pregnant. If I get pregnant then this will be my rule for my partner. Honestly, it isn't a huge ask. My God, you can't drink? Well guess what is still one of the leading causes of premature death for women of child bearing potential? Giving Birth! It is a huge deal. Show some support and stop throwing a fit like a child.

jennifermarshall_1 avatar
jennifer marshall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a woman , and would NEVER ask that of my husband. And never did. We've been married 23 yrs. Oct. 23rd

gwmok avatar
G W Mc.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or he could ove to Europe then have a foreign holiday every couple of months!

zak_1 avatar
zak
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The whole "if I can't have something then you can't either" thing is nonsensical to me. If I have a partner, I want them to do things they enjoy, not make them suffer just because I can't partake with them.

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suspect it has less to do with spite, and more to do with feeling alone. Most of their friends probably hang out over drinks or getting high, and now she can do neither. If I had to guess, she doesn't want her husband to drink because it would give her someone to relate to, and he would understand a fraction of what she is going through. In one of ops comments, he said she doesn't want him going out with friends and getting wasted....it sounds like there is a bit more drinking than op let's on.

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ldmonteith avatar
Key Lime
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I find this odd as myself and other ladies I know were all the Designated Drivers for 9 months every time one of us was pregnant

jackeichelrocks avatar
Robert Baron
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Divorce this control freak now. It's only going to get worse after the kid is born and you'll be more and more miserable every year.

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eh, I think she is having an immature response to a more serious problem. If you do some digging in the thread, the op drops some bits that make me think we are getting a very limited picture. He said he's not allowed to go out with friends and get wasted, so there is more alcohol involved than op lets on. A "couple drinks on vacation" turned into "a couple beers with dinner and a cocktail by the pool."

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patriciacurl avatar
Patricia Curl
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Foolishness As a married woman, I can pretty much guarantee that divorce is in their future. She is a ridiculous controlling woman and he a man totally lacking compassion, empathy, and self awareness. This thing is over before it has really begun. Wait until the baby comes. She will be making all kinds of demands and he will be avoiding her and/or cheating. This ending isnt hard to predict.

dave-riley avatar
David Riley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with the guy. If we are going on a good vacation I want some drinks with my meal. Go on the vacation next year.

dave-riley avatar
David Riley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with the guy on this. If I'm spending money on a good vacation I want some drinks to go with my meal. I would book the vacation next year so they both can enjoy it. Of course they will have to find a babysitter to fully enjoy the vacation.

ria144 avatar
Krysta Pandoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a controlling cow. No smoking is to protect all three of you, but no drinks? The wife's desperate to control him; what's that about? Dread to see her as a mother.

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would keep in mind....she would be 5 and a half months by the time of the trip. Op is literally having a tantrum at the possibility of not being able to drink for another 3-4 months, tops, while expecting his wife to be sober for 9. In the thread he says he wanted "a couple beers with dinner and a cocktail by the pool". So...he's planning on drinking for half of their vacation while his wife does.....what? Watches him? Sounds like loads of fun.

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amberlee_2 avatar
Amber Lee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just drink anyway. She's pregnant, that's her body, you are not pregnant, and that's your body.

desireebberg avatar
Venice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand that for some people alcohol is their way of relaxing and taking a load off. This to me seems more a question of control by your wife then the drinking itself. Yes she is growing a baby inside of her because that's how nature works and it does not mean you have to be jumping through every hoop because it's not happening in YOUR body. As women we don't get medals when we pregnant. We have the choice to get pregnant or not. You haven't had a holiday in a long time, saved up for it for BOTH of you to enjoy. Because heavan knows once that baby is there its gonna be a new normal. Your wife is gonna have to sacrifice even more once the baby is born, zero weed smoking, alcohol drinking etc. Especially if she plans to breastfeed. That is if she wants your child to have a normal brain development. NTA, your wife demanding you don't drink on your vacation because she cant is unreasonable, inconsiderate and controlling.

melodyharpole avatar
Melody Harpole
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a power struggle. She's demanding to have total control over his body. He's asking for a vacation exemption. If he's willing to give up alcohol and cigarettes for most of the 9 months. She should be able to act like an adult and let him have some alcohol on vacation. Maybe with the compromise they she gets to choose where they go more often then he does, or gets a spa day.

eloarei avatar
Eloarei
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Easy, they're both being unreasonable. It feels like they both have some kind of hangup about drinking and smoking. He HAS to drink on vacation. The wife FORBIDS him from drinking for 9+ months. Neither seems willing to give a little. As a currently pregnant woman, I think it would be ridiculous to ask my husband not to drink. I can't get secondhand drunk. Furthermore (unpopular statement incoming) many doctors these days allow their pregnant patients the occasional casual drink; if the parents both drink as seldomly as OP claims, there should be no problem. It really does feel to me as if there's a deeper psychological issue here.

davidforce avatar
David Force
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve been happily married for 36 years and because I don’t drink my wife likes saying she married her “designated driver”. I think the wife is being unreasonable as long her husband doesn’t overdo it. It makes no sense that her attitude is I can’t have fun so you can’t either. It’s ridiculous.

c_devine avatar
Seedy Vine
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So much puritanical judgement in this thread. OP is a grown adult who works hard and pays the bills. He should get to put what he wants into his body. Marijuana is medicine. Alcohol not so much. Both help people relax. Maybe OP's wife could try meditation or other fun substance-free relaxation techniques. NTA, OP. I wouldn't pay for a trip in which I couldn't do what I wanted either.

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suspect op might have a drinking problem. There were a few comments he made in the thread, but I think the most telling is that she doesn't allow him to go and get "wasted" with friends anymore. That sounds a bit more serious than occasional drinking...

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jamesrogan avatar
James Rogan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In Europe it's illegal not to drink alcohol with dinner. Unless you're under 12.

vs222ak avatar
cherryn5150 avatar
Lizzy Crit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not about the drinking. They're in a power struggle for control over the whole relationship and they're not going to make it because there's no compromise for either of them. They're both out to "win" and digging in for a fight

wendillon avatar
Monday
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah this is a weird one. He's so....focused on the money. Like what does it matter who's paying for the trip? We didn't need that information. Why bring their jobs into it? If this was about the drinking it could have been "My pregnant wife doesn't want me to drink on our vacation because she can't drink, so now I want to cancel the vacation and do something else with her. AITA?".

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mdr_1 avatar
Potato
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going to go ahead and get myself banned with an unpopular opinion: he's an a*****e and his wife is not being unreasonable. Not only does she have to sacrifice those things for 9 months plus however long she breastfeeds, but she is in far more discomfort than he is during this time. It's his kid too, that she is suffering for, why shouldn't he show some solidarity and support by sharing her experiences? He threw a dang temper tantrum over "a cocktail by the pool."

glowingsun2002 avatar
BadCat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I fully agree. She's making responsible sacrifices and probably going through withdrawals. He's acting like a spoiled child having a tantrum because he doesn't want to compromise and be a team.

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marneederider40 avatar
Marnie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm concerned that he thinks he is paying for the vacation. Their money is their money. If they routinely split it up (evenly) into his/hers accounts and then each has that as discretionary and if he is then using that money for the trip (whereas she would be using her money for something else), then he is paying for the trip. Otherwise, THEY are paying for the trip. When did people start treating marriage like they are roommates?

boredpanda_99 avatar
SirWriteALot
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, that irked me too. Every relationship I've heard of that had "my money" and "her money" was not a happy one.

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abigailrose_1 avatar
Wysteria_Rose
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He says he just wants one drink with dinner or by the pool on vacation...but wants to cancel the entire vacation because he possibly can't? I'd understand if they were planning on going to a beerfest or something but to cancel the entire trip over something he claims isn't "that big of a deal" seems overkill.

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a deal...digging through the tread, the amount he was planning on having went from "a couple of drinks on vacation, to "a couple of beers with dinner and a cocktail by the pool". So probably 3-4 a day. Bit more than he made out in his original post

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cassilyris avatar
Cassi Lyris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH. Period. Both have learned to cope with drugs and alcohol and are now trying to change because "oopsy baby". And yes, he's an alcoholic, and it sounds like so is she. Grew up with alcoholics. Everything revolved around "relaxing" after work. EVERYTHING.Just one more bowl, just one more beer. This whole situation sucks, and I mostly feel bad for the child about to be handed over to them. He thinks life is hard now? Rude awakening incoming. These two can't even agree on not drinking and I have no doubt he's sneaking the green and drinks behind her, and I'm willing to bet she is too. Also, lording the reality that he controls all the money in their relationship like this is classified as financial abuse. That's not me, that's the law in most countries. These are all things that need to be agreed upon before babies happen. A relationship shouldn't be based on who "wins". They're both wrong and their kid is going to pay the price.

lordmysticlaw avatar
Lord Mysticlaw
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah the fact that it's such a big deal for him to not drink does set off alarm bells in my head. Not consuming alcohol really shouldn't be such a big deal, surely he can enjoy a vacation without it?

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glowingsun2002 avatar
BadCat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When a couple is expecting a baby that is time to learn how to be a team, how to support each other and how to think of the other person and not just themselves. This couple is going to be in for a rude awakening when the baby arrives if he can't accept his wife doesn't want him to drink alcohol on one vacation. Oh boohoo. That isn't her being controlling nor unreasonable. It's one, simple request. He helped get her pregnant. If he wants to be an involved Dad that doesn't mean sitting on the sidelines just watching his partner go through everything alone.

boredpanda_99 avatar
SirWriteALot
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Disagree. It's not a "simple request". She wants to control how he lives his life. It is like he would "request" that she go to the gym 3 times a week. Stop interfering in each others lives, people. If you don't like the person you're with, don't make babies. Stop thinking you can "change" someone.

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bobkegeles avatar
Sonnovab Kegeles
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let's see, he put his d*()k in her and she got pregnant. She didn't do it on her own. She's dealing with all of the health and body issues, while he just wants a drink now and then. She's not drinking because it could heart THEIR baby, he just wants a drink or two. She will have lifelong physical ramifications from carrying THEIR baby, but it's more important that he has a few drinks. Yeah, no doubt whatsoever that he's being the ahole. Also, he stresses, that HE's not going to pay for the trip if he cannot drink. Just a wee bit of "my money" b******t going on. If he had said, he didn't think THEY should spend money on the trip, that would make it just a bit less obnoxious.

christianconrad avatar
Christian Conrad
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Will she have any less of those lifelong physical ramifications if he doesn't drink?

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lenka
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having been pregnant a few times myself she is being unreasonable. It's selfish to stop someone else from enjoying something just because you cant. I also think the husband is an a**e... but not for cancelling the trip. He is an a**e because he thinks his financial contributions entitled him to control her. They are both selfish and controlling and might want to think about what kind of relationship they want to model for their child.....

erikah_ avatar
ERIKA H.
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People often confuse compromise with bargaining in a relationship. Compromise leads to resentment because that means one person has to give up something to appease the other. Bargaining involves being collaborative and finding a solution where both partners can walkaway happy. In this case, maye a solution could be as simple as the husband being allowed to drink on the trip but not drinking in front of her. Regardless, they are both being unreasonable and are not having compassion for one another, which is just leading to a stand still rather than resolution.

nekkuporo avatar
Adalmina
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He could just drink non alcoholic drinks on the trip, ain't that hard

madisongarca avatar
christinekuhn avatar
Ael
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I knew what kind of guy that is when he mentioned how he 'pays for' the trip, and much more his job makes. He has no wife (in his mind). He as an incubator. It's not about how reasonable his wife's request is (I heard it from other couples and the men were fine to share some of the disadvantages), this is about him thinking he is the big boss man. Red flags, wife should run.

christianconrad avatar
Christian Conrad
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Either that... Or he just told the actual facts in order to explain why he didn't want to spend his money on a "vacation" where he'd be controlled all the time, so readers would have the background to judge whether _not wanting to spend one's money on a "vacation" where he'd be controlled all the time_ makes him the AH. I mean, that's what's in the actual words he wrote. All you people reading "incubator" and stuff in it, you're reading something that isn't actually there but only in your heads.

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Nona Wolf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you can't work out a compromise for this minor issue - then raising a child together is going to be VERY challenging.

savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would never even think about telling my husband he couldn't drink.. I'm 20 weeks pregnant right now. I DD for him but when I'm ready to leave, we leave or he Uber's home. When I'm no longer carrying our baby or breastfeeding (if it works out that I can) then he will DD for me for one year. He'll still drink at home when he wants but if we go out to dinner, he will be sober and drive me like I've done for him. That's our deal. I couldn't possible imagine being so petty in my marriage. Both of these people just want to control the situation.

lordmysticlaw avatar
Lord Mysticlaw
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my opinion, both are being assholes and this whole situation tells me they should not be having kids. Wtf are they gonna do every time they disagree about something related to kids and parenting?

madisongarca avatar
Madison García
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is a chance for the dad to week, the mom to win, but there's no outcome where the kid wins

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karasimpkin avatar
K Ann
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nta just cause she can't drink doesn't mean he can't - as long as he doesn't get wasted. Entitled much?

royalstray avatar
Royal Stray
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They're both ridiculous, who in their right mind would cancel a vacation over not having a drink? (unless it's a wine tasting or something.) The wife is equally bad refusing him a drink to the food just because she can't have one. What is weird to me is how casually he talks about having a beer or two with a meal and then says that he rarely drinks. It doesn't really add up. I wonder if his wife is having problems with quitting drinking and needs him to stop too. Not an excuse for either, just a thought

larisamigachyov avatar
Lara M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the two are connected. If the wife is noticing problematic drinking behavior, she may very well be concerned that he won't stop drinking once the baby is born, and it is not an unreasonable concern. The fact that he has canceled a vacation because he can't drink is very concerning and shows that the wife is right in noticing problematic drinking behaviors that need changing.

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Broad Panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This sure as heck doesn't bode well for them parenting together. She's asking a relatively small thing of him, which she probably sees as symbolic of his willingness to alter his life for fatherhood, and he threw a tantrum. Also, we're hearing it how he tells it. I would LOVE to hear her side.

gmadams avatar
Blackheart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. Ahole and not just for the drinking but for nearly all of what was said in this post.

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Jill Bussey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA. So, OP goes on holiday to drink? Nothing else? Spending time with his wife, for instance? It's probably the last opportunity for some time to spend together. She's the one doing all the work for this period and surely deserves a holiday.

danielsmomsheila avatar
Sheila Weila
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is passive-aggressive, canceling the trip because she doesn't want him to drink. I wouldn't want to bear his children.

christianconrad avatar
Christian Conrad
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he is "passive-aggressive" for cancelling the trip, then what is she for forbidding him to drink? Aggressive-aggressive?

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Nicely
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The big holiday we took while I was pregnant was to Bavaria in southern Germany, where the range of non alcoholic beers is so good we were both happy. My husband had to drive because my pelvis decided to fall apart around 15 weeks in and I couldn't, and we went to a bunch of lovely taverns and drank the tasty non alcoholic beer to our hearts content. Being pregnant is really hard, it's upsetting when a person expects you to do all that and make all the changes and sacrifices alone.

purplezebra avatar
SillyPandaBunny
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So much wrong here. She should not be dictating what he can or cannot consume. He should not be thinking of it as his money but rather their money. Both of them sound like they relied on chemical substances to enjoy life which leads me to believe neither of them like their life very much. Neither seem ready to raise a child when they themselves seem so childlike. Poor baby.

v_r_tayloryahoo_com avatar
v
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP cancels a nice trip because he can't drink some alcohol and then he wonders where all the alcoholism talk is coming from. Alcoholism isn't only being drunk at every opportunity. Alcoholism can also be the act of bending life around if, when, where you can have a drink.

daqadoodles_1 avatar
Debbie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His view of a relaxed vacation includes nice dinners with some alcoholic drinks. Maybe she would really want that too and thus that is a harder time for her, which he should realize. She doesn't get a vacation from being pregnant. Blame it on pregnancy hormones that she insists. Maybe she wants him to stay sober in case something happens (to her) and they need to go to the hospital. Or maybe to go get snacks bc cravings. While on holiday there are no friends/family around to help in case of emergency.

vladimiramat avatar
Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA. currently pregnant. i am not forcing my husband not to drink but he shows the solidarity and doesnt drink as I cannot drink either and it is really a nice thing to do as we are in this together. i totally understand her she has many other restrictions on top of alcohol and it is only fair he would support her. not drinking and smokimg can only help you save money and improve your health so no negatives. this is your last chance to go for a vacation as a couple and probably the last vacation for some time why cancel it

hopetirendi avatar
Hope Tirendi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With as much "smoking" and getting "wasted with friends" these two do I really don't think they were ready for a kid!!!

fc_2 avatar
F C
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When married pregnant women make these sorts of requests usually they are nervous that they will wind up doing all the childcare alone. They start asking their husbands to complete certain tasks essentially to see if he's basically "in this together." The drinking may not be the problem but how he behaves when he drinks. I think they're both being very insecure and there is clearly not a strong foundation in this relationship. The vacation js cancelled because they'll cekarly be arguing about anything and everything. A spouse does not control you. Sometimes you can say "I'm sorry it upsets you but this vacation I will have a few glasses of wine" or something. As some one already said this is not about alcohol, but about control in the r.s

petemccann avatar
DrBronxx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Speaking as a man whose wife is currently pregnant, I think he's the AH. Such a selfish AH. Being pregnant is *hard*, and requires so much sacrifices. Whatever he has given up, she has given up so much more. I have reduced the amount I drink, and will pretty soon will stop altogether. I don't want to be out drinking when my wife is suddenly rushed to the hospital, for whatever reason, good or bad. This dude has to think much less selfishly about himself, because it's only going to get harder once the baby arrives. In a nutshell, when a couple are expecting, the pregnant one has the final say. Also, I'd be a bit worried about his relationship with alcohol. He's cancelling (or refusing to pay for) a trip just because he can't drink, and then downplays his need for alcohol in his responses to comments. That is a (potential) red flag.

blueathena623 avatar
Libby King
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Him: my wife is being so unreasonable by not wanting me to drink at all!! It’s not like I have a problem!! Also him: I 100% will cancel the lovely vacation I’ve planned and saved for if I can’t drink alcohol. Like, maybe the wife has some good reasons for not wanting him to drink. Just saying.

judytakacs avatar
Judy Takács
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are several issues. When you are a married couple, BOTH of you are paying for it, regardless of who has the larger income, so its not just up to him to "not pay" for the vacation and cancel it. If he made a promise to his wife to express solidarity with her pregnancy and not drink during it, then he should honor that promise. Possibly she made him do it for a reason…that now that parenthood is impending, maybe they both need to sober up a bit. If the vacation would not be as fun without alcohol then they should go on a vacation that is less reliant on fine dining and alcohol, and save the European trip for another time when no one is pregnant, nursing and the kid(s) are staying with the grandparents. It may be a while, but no one said parenthood makes life easier.

vs222ak avatar
Ladytron
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to not drink while she's pregnant. Pregnancy is rough and affects you far beyond not being able to drink. Agreeing to abstain from that is a small price to pay to show some solidarity and empathy in the situation and can make you feel less alone. ALSO; it's VERY uncomfortable how he says he has a more stressful situation and "his money". Wow, you are going to have a kid together. It's going to get really ugly with that mindset...

janetclarke avatar
Hiker Chick
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He doesn't give the reasons she asked him not to drink, so it's possible her request was very reasonable. When I was pregnant, the smell of alcohol (especially beer) and alcohol-breath made me extremely nauseous. Also, she may want him to stay sober so he can drive or otherwise care for her if there's a problem with pregnancy or if she goes into early labor.

asherikamichaela avatar
AshErika Michaela
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude has a problem and won't admit it. He canceled a whole vacation just because he thinks it wouldn't be "worth it" without the ability to drink. He needs to find healthier relaxation methods because it sounds like he's on the verge of being dependent. That's no small thing, especially when they're about to be parents. Kudos to his wife for doing what's best for their future family. Pity he refuses to see that.

kodydigrekody avatar
Kody Digre (Kody)
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you can't agree to pause your drinking than you shouldn't be drinking at all.

mirandadaugherty avatar
Miranda Daugherty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It takes two to get pregnant. You agreed to have this woman carry your child jsut as she agreed to gwt pregnant. She didn't get that way by herself. Both of you are being assholes. The fact that you are fortunate enough to be financially able to throw away a vacation just because you can't drink and you're whining about it is absurd. She has to quit drinking for 9 months and you not being able to suck it up is absurd. The fact that she is demanding it of you is absurd. You are both being shitty and entitled about this and need marriage counseling

thriftyadams17 avatar
Lawrence mcalistar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Except the difference between drinking and smoking is smoking she could get 2nd hand which could effect the baby and with drinking your being considerate if choosing not to drink

thriftyadams17 avatar
Lawrence mcalistar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with kurugabae but i would like to add i think it would have been better instead of hoping to get that alcohol and trying to bribe your wife and getting her hopes up...if really you having alcohol or not was the main reason for that trip you should talk to your wife and discuss it instead of making plans without her and have her feel bad and make her feel like y'all could have fun but since she don't let you drink then it's" her fault"

loryndabenson avatar
Lorynda Benson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it's just the two of you on vacation while she's pregnant i think you're being unreasonable to cancel the whole trip. You're not gonna get another chance to take a trip abroad with just you and your wife for a while. Also i can understand from a different perspective in that she's pregnant and she needs you, as her spouse to be in your right mind in case something happened to her and she needs you to do something like be able to take her to the hospital in case there's a complication with the pregnancy. You're going to be abroad in another country, you need to be sober for her in case of an emergency. While i think it's a strange request i also don't think it is unfair for her to ask you not to drink. There are other reasons you shouldn't be drinking around your pregnant wife. You'll live without the alcohol.

amandabrunty avatar
Amanda Brunty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm gonna go ahead and say this, but he's the asshat. And it's not about the alcohol(well, not entirely). Drink, don't drink...Your free, a person, and over 21...I'm not your mama. Granted, the both of them are about to be parents...but I digress. The fact is that life is way to short, after the baby is born..you 2 will never be you 2 AGAIN, and trips can be a once in a lifetime event, and you cancel it for beer? BEER!?!? If it was cocaine or something bougie, I'd understand...but beer? Craps nasty anyway. Like why cancel a nice romantic getaway because she says you can't drink. Drink anyway! What she gonna do? Not to? Then she would be the asshat. Just take your hormonal, super stressed wife out on a nice trip...and don't drink around her. Not that damn hard...sheesh

itsabrandnewday avatar
Melanie White
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see so many issues with this entire post by the OP. He qualifies his drinking (or excuses it) from the beginning. My experience with addicts is they will do the same which means you need to adjust up their consumption. This flagged for me as a completely sober wife might not want an inebriated husband. I imagine if they normally enjoy smoking and drinking together, it is a struggle for the wife. She has given up both and is struggling with hormonal changes. She may need the extra support through the pregnancy. She shouldn’t be dictating his choices, but he could avoid throwing tantrums. Sounds like she will be raising an infant and a man-child. His focus on money is concerning too. A child will require his time, attention, and money. Sounds to me like he isn’t ready to be a parent. Parenting requires sacrifice. All relationships require sacrifice but parenting (especially in the beginning) requires additional sacrifice. You can’t be high and unaware when you have a newborn.

gaylelynnmartinnadeau avatar
Gayle Nadeau
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ur cancelliing a beautiful memory over not getting to do something u already agreed not to do. It is important to keep ur word in order to maintain trust in ur marriage. It's like cutting off ur own nose to spite ur face (,ur wife is ur OWN flesh) because this is ur last opportunity to go somewhere without an infant or toddler. Even if u have a babysitter it will never the same because u can never truly relax if someone else is keeping ur baby. And I don't think ur wife is trying to control u she just needs emotional support. I'm sure there is several times she may have wanted to drink also. Why make her feel worse or punish her for not wanting to keep ur word? I do understand how u feel though because u think she could easily make an exception but what if ur drinking causes her to want to drink? Ur not only supporting her emotionally ur helping to protect ur child and ur marriage by keeping ur word. That was an honorable thing for u to agree to to begin with. Very honorable.

christinamcgough avatar
Christina Mcgough
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is Ahole!!! How is it unreasonable for him to abstain from weed and alcohol during her pregnancy? They got pregnant together didn't they! It's BS how everyone expects so much of a pregnant woman and nothing of the father... A pregnant woman sacrifices so much to grow a healthy baby her body, recreational drinking and smoking , work , freedom and certain medical care, it is not unreasonable to expect sobriety from both parents while the woman is pregnant .

tarsa13 avatar
CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait until he finds himself banned from smoking/drinking *forever* when the baby is born. They better start couples therapy NOW.

andreabenavides avatar
Andrea Benavides
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Both the wife and the husband are being unreasonable. I am a woman and I have been pregnant twice. I would never tell my husband to stop drinking the entire time during my pregnancy. That's pretty unreasonable. Having a drink here and there doesn't do wrong to anyone. I will be very opposed if my partner would be hammer the entire time. Canceling the trip because I can't have a few drinks? Yes, your are going too far. However, I do understand your situation where you haven't had a vacation in a loooong time, of course you want to enjoyed a nice steak with a nice red wine. You want to relax at the beach and have drink. Especially if I am working very hard (not because you are the main breeder. That has nothing to do when you want to enjoy your vacation) absolutely I would want to enjoy my vacation however I want. But you don't have to make her feel less because you make more and she needs to stop of being controlling. Both can find ways how to enjoy your vacation when both compromised.

camyfaicamyfai avatar
VegasMade09
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think he's the a*s hole. And he doesn't seem like an alcoholic just because he wants to be able to drink on a trip that he saved money for. I wouldn't want to go either if someone told me I couldn't enjoy a cocktail at the pool on MY OWN DIME. I say this as a mother of 5. I would never tell my husband that he can't drink. What's the point? Is she so tempted to drink that SHE can't handle being around alcohol is the question. Sounds like a misery loves company kinda situation.

gaele_pena avatar
Gaële Pena
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I discover my pregnancy the day before going on an all-inclusive trip in a tropical island for one week. So obviously I didn't drink alcohol on the trip, but a lot of non-alcohol cocktail ! It was really great, and I didn't feel frustrated. You should try thoses vacation, that's not the alcohol in the drink that make great memories . Ps : I didn't force my husband on the non drinking rule during my pregnancy but I have to admit that sometimes it feels hard to see him having fun drinking when I couldn't

vickitravis avatar
Vicki Travis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You don't mention how long this vacation is. If it's for a few weeks, I am sure you can survive without alcohol. Millions of people do it every day. Be an adult, support the woman you love and the person providing you with your first child. I am more concerned that your wife went to work high.

jangardner avatar
Jan Gardner
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If living without drinking is so frightening for you then I question whether you're an alcoholic. I can't believe the number of people who can't imagine having fun without drinking. Due to a medication I must take, I can't drink. I don't care if others drink but your wife is pregnant and you put alcohol ahead of her? Your priorities are seriously messed up.

vickimathison avatar
Vicki Mathison
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Shes growing a human, and you can't or wont give up drinking? You also spent a considerable amount of time talk finance. This is a hugh red flag that you are tring to get power in the situation by your ability to bring money to the household. Well you can't buy a baby so there is that. Please seek counseling now or the issue we are not talking about but are Clearly there will ruin your marriage before your child is 2.

midoribirdaoi avatar
Midoribird Aoi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A beer once in a great while is not drunkenness, but 💯 don't smoke. If you must, never around the kid! You will affect them for the rest of their lives. Also maybe consider giving up the booze entirely if you depend on it to de- stress. The stress of a child is so much higher, and that will drive up the need to drink a lot more.

marigenbeltran_2 avatar
Windtree
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand why it is so important to the wife that her husband (OP) doesn't drink if she can't. As long as he is a responsible father when the baby is born, who cares if he drinks, just maybe not in front of her. Maybe my opinion is not a popular one though.

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suspect all of their friends smoke or drink, so she is feeling very alone. Not wanting he husband to do so probably makes it a bit easier to cope since she would have someone to relate to. Just a guess.

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dianehunt_1 avatar
Diane Hunt
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you are not going to enjoy a holiday because you can't have a couple of drinks, then why waste the money on the holiday. Stay home and do something else together on your vacation time. It doesn't matter what it is, if you aren't going to enjoy doing something, why spend money on it?

daansmeeladres avatar
Danielle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband doesn’t drink a lot, but now that I’m pregnant I hate the way it stinks when he does. The occasional beer itself doesn’t bother me, but I find it selfish if he drinks when he knows I can’t stand the smell. Maybe the OP’s wife has a similar problem?

jangardner avatar
Jan Gardner
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was the vomit queen when pregnant. I could see the food odors sticking to the walls and they hung from my hair. My now EX-HUSBAND thought I should still cook his meals until I had lost so much weight my OB/GYN tore him a new one. When food, drinking and/or smoking is higher on your list of priorities than your spouse and unborn child then you are messed up. Yes he is the AH. I WAS married to one. My sons don't call him dad. One calls him by his first name and the other refers to him as his "sperm donor". Get your priorities straight husband.

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kathyb_3 avatar
Kathy B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I was pregnant twice and neither time did I demand my husband or friends not drink.

kelley_baltierra avatar
Kelley Baltierra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can understand the not smoking because she'd still have to deal with secondhand smoke...but the drinking? No ... still think the OP is being a little petty, you can have fun on Vacation without intoxicants. But if it's about saving money, especially with a kid on the way, then feel free to do a staycation

af-fuerst avatar
Zheraa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The way the husband describes his wife's smoking habits being worse than his and his job being more stressful and paying more. He is clearly telling a very one-sided and biased story. We don't know why or how the wife asked him to not drink. If I think about going on vacation while pregnant I sure as hell would not want to have to look after my drunk husband in that state. The red flags in his way of talking about her and the Powerplay he engages in, make me think that he might not be more pleasant when drunk. Also, first he is talking about one beer at dinner, a bit later it's already a couple of beers. His wife simply might need him to be a sober and responsible adult on vacation to feel safe, as she is in a state vulnerability, being pregnant. I find this totally reasonable. Why does his need for alcohol hold more power than her need to feel solidarity, safety or even just being able to rely on her partner?

deborahbrett avatar
Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This guy sounds like an a*****e. His wife also sounds like a a*****e. He's obsessed with money, and it's "his" not "Theirs", he can't enjoy himself without a drink, she can't let him enjoy a drink if she can't. He's going to cancel their holiday because she's telling him he can't drink. These two should invest the holiday money in marriage counselling instead, or they're going to be divorced before their kid is out of diapers.

robyn63ward avatar
Robyn Ward
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stop smoking , sure, I would agree to that too because smoking affects all around. Stop drinking, nope, no way, you are a casual drinker. She wants to stop drinking, her choice and she has no right to force you to do it as well.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What you're saying is true but would you not stop anyway just to show solidarity? This whole things seems like a mess, I can see both their view points but it just seems immature that they cannot compromise.

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Kevin Wilcoxon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Question. Would he insist she not drink if he were pregnant and couldn't drink?

jenngermain avatar
Jennifer Germain
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The smoking thing, yes do quit or not smoke around her. She is making the sacrifices right now and having someone smoke around you when you can't makes it that much harder. The drinking I am on the fence about honestly, when I had my first son, almost 40 years ago I would have a half beer every once in a while, maybe 3 times during the pregnancy. I never expected others not to drink around me during any pregnancies but did ask they smoke away from me.

berend34_bw avatar
Berend Werkman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA Your wife is way to conttoling if she cant drink OK but why ban you from drinking to I would invite some friends and have some drink after work whithout her

boredpanda_99 avatar
SirWriteALot
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe the wife was an alcoholic and is now struggling with staying sober for the child's sake. In that case I can understand. Like no smoking, maybe. But "just because I want to" is not a good enough reason. Sounds petty and controlling.

libby6 avatar
Stargazer66
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, your wife is though. She's acting like she 's your mommy. Sounds like a huge honking relationship red flag to me and I question whether the two of you should even be having a child together.

danielszy0814 avatar
Monosyllabic girl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone in AA/NA its NTA for me but they have bigger problems. If they were going to france or italy or somewhere we here wine is traditional with dinner i wouldn't ban him from a drink with dinner, that's all about control. The "his money" thing is going to be a problem when she's on maternity leave though. Been there, still have the t-shirt and would like to prevent others from the getting the souvenir! They should go somewhere closer anyway and utilize rest of money towards baby. Or therapy.

danboos avatar
Dan Boos
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Given the fact that the wife is sacrificing elements of her life while enduring her (and his) pregnancy, his giving up alcohol on their trip is a miniscule sacrifice. The guy needs to man-up and be a good husband. It sounds like though that the couple have other issues at hand. I must say that I've seen very few marriages work, where selfish or immature partners are part of the equation.

chasencrooks avatar
Chasen Crooks
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why you don't get married fellas. So what if she can't drink. Why should he stop drinking? Most likely she wanted a baby the most so this comes with the territory. Seems like she is controlling.

tobecontinued avatar
To Be Continued
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think one last hurrah is fine. Though im one of those women that when i see my man working ling hours. No holidays busting his a*s i want him to be able to enjoy himself to the fullest. He as well wants the same for me. No I dont agree with the wife

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Ceka Molotov
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why schedule the vacation when she cant drink, relax, and have fun anyway? He gives zero Fs about her

bobvanwijk avatar
bob van wijk
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wut? She can now go on a holiday in quietude. Few months later, bring the diapers and 10 bags of kid stuff and one shirt for yourself.

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robert morrow
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the worst article I've read in 2022. Why is this newsworthy? Let's see more of Charles and his gardening , just appeasing the poor and uneducated.

alexquestionmark avatar
Alex QuestionMark
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I noticed he never said how far along she is, their ages, and where they were going. I could understand if she was in her last trimester and made be the fear of something going wrong with her pregnancy. I also would if it was planned or not, how long they married, and etc. I could understand if she was in her last trimester going on a vacation that is far from home and the only person she lean on is her husband. There are too many what if's to make a clear decision for me

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, in the thread, he said she would be 5 and a half months along ...so he is throwing a tantrum about the POSSIBILITY of not being able to drink for 5 months. It sounds like he was planning on 3-4 a day while on vacation. He also said she wouldn't allow him to go out and get "wasted" with friends....so there is quite a bit more drinking going on than he originally said.

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Gabriel Gawrada
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your wife has no right to dictate what you do or don't do to enjoy your down time, especially if she herself used to do the same things.

timothywall avatar
Timothy Wall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The proud papa-to-be can be supportive during the shared experience of pregnancy in many ways including this one. He won't get many chances like it, and he'll be forever glad that he made the most of it. The pair can share non-alcoholic beer or cocktails if they'd like to, and make memories they can happily share in the years to come. I wish them the best.

mykids778496 avatar
Mary Rose
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. If they are occasional drinkers and both gave it up because mama is doing what's right for baby, great. All these people critizing the OP because he'd like to have a drink or two on vacation are, IMO, missing the point. OP having a drink will not affect mama or baby. It's his vacation, too. He is planning a vacation closer to home, without the extravagance of their normal vacation. Both need to get used to that. Besides, who wants to risk that kind of travel while expecting?

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it was a drink or two, she probably wouldn't....he was planning on "a couple beers with dinner and a cocktail by the pool.". So, like, 3 a day? Seems a bit cruel to spend half of your vacation drinking in front of your pregnant wife....he also said he wasn't allowed to go out and get "wasted" with friends anymore....do with that what you will.

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jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While I think demanding concessions was off, I don't feel like that is the case. I'm guessing all of their friends smoke or drink, so she has effectively been cut off. Wanting her husband to understand a fraction of what she is going through seems reasonable. If he is still drinking, she will be coping with all of the repercussions of carrying their child alone. I can't even imagine.

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helentaylor avatar
Helen Taylor
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand not smoking around a pregnant person because of secondhand smoke inhalation. I wonder why the wife does not want alcohol around her. It sounds like one or the other of the couple does have a drinking problem. As for the man, respecting his wife’s wishes while she’s growing his child, there are plenty of really delicious non-alcoholic drinks. There are non-alcoholic beers and virgin margaritas etc. If the object is to drink something delicious around the pool, it does not have to be alcoholic. That man’s reaction makes me worry about him as a husband and father.

alucardbebopbunny avatar
Jamie Mayfield
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You know what seems stressful to me? Being pregnant. If I get pregnant then this will be my rule for my partner. Honestly, it isn't a huge ask. My God, you can't drink? Well guess what is still one of the leading causes of premature death for women of child bearing potential? Giving Birth! It is a huge deal. Show some support and stop throwing a fit like a child.

jennifermarshall_1 avatar
jennifer marshall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a woman , and would NEVER ask that of my husband. And never did. We've been married 23 yrs. Oct. 23rd

gwmok avatar
G W Mc.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or he could ove to Europe then have a foreign holiday every couple of months!

zak_1 avatar
zak
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The whole "if I can't have something then you can't either" thing is nonsensical to me. If I have a partner, I want them to do things they enjoy, not make them suffer just because I can't partake with them.

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suspect it has less to do with spite, and more to do with feeling alone. Most of their friends probably hang out over drinks or getting high, and now she can do neither. If I had to guess, she doesn't want her husband to drink because it would give her someone to relate to, and he would understand a fraction of what she is going through. In one of ops comments, he said she doesn't want him going out with friends and getting wasted....it sounds like there is a bit more drinking than op let's on.

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ldmonteith avatar
Key Lime
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I find this odd as myself and other ladies I know were all the Designated Drivers for 9 months every time one of us was pregnant

jackeichelrocks avatar
Robert Baron
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Divorce this control freak now. It's only going to get worse after the kid is born and you'll be more and more miserable every year.

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eh, I think she is having an immature response to a more serious problem. If you do some digging in the thread, the op drops some bits that make me think we are getting a very limited picture. He said he's not allowed to go out with friends and get wasted, so there is more alcohol involved than op lets on. A "couple drinks on vacation" turned into "a couple beers with dinner and a cocktail by the pool."

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patriciacurl avatar
Patricia Curl
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Foolishness As a married woman, I can pretty much guarantee that divorce is in their future. She is a ridiculous controlling woman and he a man totally lacking compassion, empathy, and self awareness. This thing is over before it has really begun. Wait until the baby comes. She will be making all kinds of demands and he will be avoiding her and/or cheating. This ending isnt hard to predict.

dave-riley avatar
David Riley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with the guy. If we are going on a good vacation I want some drinks with my meal. Go on the vacation next year.

dave-riley avatar
David Riley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with the guy on this. If I'm spending money on a good vacation I want some drinks to go with my meal. I would book the vacation next year so they both can enjoy it. Of course they will have to find a babysitter to fully enjoy the vacation.

ria144 avatar
Krysta Pandoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a controlling cow. No smoking is to protect all three of you, but no drinks? The wife's desperate to control him; what's that about? Dread to see her as a mother.

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would keep in mind....she would be 5 and a half months by the time of the trip. Op is literally having a tantrum at the possibility of not being able to drink for another 3-4 months, tops, while expecting his wife to be sober for 9. In the thread he says he wanted "a couple beers with dinner and a cocktail by the pool". So...he's planning on drinking for half of their vacation while his wife does.....what? Watches him? Sounds like loads of fun.

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amberlee_2 avatar
Amber Lee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just drink anyway. She's pregnant, that's her body, you are not pregnant, and that's your body.

desireebberg avatar
Venice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand that for some people alcohol is their way of relaxing and taking a load off. This to me seems more a question of control by your wife then the drinking itself. Yes she is growing a baby inside of her because that's how nature works and it does not mean you have to be jumping through every hoop because it's not happening in YOUR body. As women we don't get medals when we pregnant. We have the choice to get pregnant or not. You haven't had a holiday in a long time, saved up for it for BOTH of you to enjoy. Because heavan knows once that baby is there its gonna be a new normal. Your wife is gonna have to sacrifice even more once the baby is born, zero weed smoking, alcohol drinking etc. Especially if she plans to breastfeed. That is if she wants your child to have a normal brain development. NTA, your wife demanding you don't drink on your vacation because she cant is unreasonable, inconsiderate and controlling.

melodyharpole avatar
Melody Harpole
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a power struggle. She's demanding to have total control over his body. He's asking for a vacation exemption. If he's willing to give up alcohol and cigarettes for most of the 9 months. She should be able to act like an adult and let him have some alcohol on vacation. Maybe with the compromise they she gets to choose where they go more often then he does, or gets a spa day.

eloarei avatar
Eloarei
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Easy, they're both being unreasonable. It feels like they both have some kind of hangup about drinking and smoking. He HAS to drink on vacation. The wife FORBIDS him from drinking for 9+ months. Neither seems willing to give a little. As a currently pregnant woman, I think it would be ridiculous to ask my husband not to drink. I can't get secondhand drunk. Furthermore (unpopular statement incoming) many doctors these days allow their pregnant patients the occasional casual drink; if the parents both drink as seldomly as OP claims, there should be no problem. It really does feel to me as if there's a deeper psychological issue here.

davidforce avatar
David Force
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve been happily married for 36 years and because I don’t drink my wife likes saying she married her “designated driver”. I think the wife is being unreasonable as long her husband doesn’t overdo it. It makes no sense that her attitude is I can’t have fun so you can’t either. It’s ridiculous.

c_devine avatar
Seedy Vine
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So much puritanical judgement in this thread. OP is a grown adult who works hard and pays the bills. He should get to put what he wants into his body. Marijuana is medicine. Alcohol not so much. Both help people relax. Maybe OP's wife could try meditation or other fun substance-free relaxation techniques. NTA, OP. I wouldn't pay for a trip in which I couldn't do what I wanted either.

jessiathavichitchanyaraks avatar
Jessi Athavichitchanyaraks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suspect op might have a drinking problem. There were a few comments he made in the thread, but I think the most telling is that she doesn't allow him to go and get "wasted" with friends anymore. That sounds a bit more serious than occasional drinking...

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jamesrogan avatar
James Rogan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In Europe it's illegal not to drink alcohol with dinner. Unless you're under 12.

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