“Am I The [Jerk] For Wearing A White Dress To My Friend’s Wedding?”
Pre-wedding jitters are a perfectly normal part of the process; it’s completely natural for us to feel anxious as we approach such a big life milestone. However, as Reddit user RunawayMaidOfHonor found out, not everyone can handle the excitement.
Recently, a friend invited the woman to her wedding. Knowing just how important the ceremony was to her and the amount of preparation that went into planning it, RunawayMaidOfHonor even suggested the friend pick her dress together.
To her confusion, the friend chose a white gown for her. The woman repeatedly asked if she was sure, but the bride reassured her that it was what she thought was best. However, at the ceremony, RunawayMaidOfHonor found out that it was actually a test.
Unsure about the way she reacted to the whole situation, the Redditor explained exactly what happened to the platform’s ‘Am I the [Jerk?]‘ community, asking them to evaluate her actions and tell her if she actually messed up or it was just her friend acting out.
This woman thought she was going to her friend’s wedding, but the ceremony turned out to be a “friendship test”
Image credits: Marius Muresan (not the actual photo)
And she failed even before attending
Image credits: Vadym Pastukh (not the actual photo)
Later, RunawayMaidOfHonor clarified in a comment that initially, Charlotte asked her to show all of her dresses.
“I asked her if she meant ‘all’ and she said yes. I brought out everything I hadn’t said no to and she said ‘is that really all of your dresses?’ (It was relatively slim pickings once I had ruled out anything inappropriate by my own standards).”
“I told her I had several in a no pile, and she insisted on seeing them too. She did in fact follow me into my closet because I guess she thought I’d need help retrieving them. She grabbed the white one amongst the ones she helped me retrieve,” the Redditor recalled.
RunawayMaidOfHonor said she asked if it was wrong, inappropriate, or if it would draw attention away from Charlotte.
“I even tried to argue with her at one point why I shouldn’t wear the dress and she told me it fit her ‘vision.’ I’ve been to weddings where the guests wear white, [and] I’ve been to other non-traditional ceremonies … I would not have done this if she hadn’t reassured me it was what she wanted.”
After the story went viral, the woman released an update on the whole ordeal
Trust is essential to the development of healthy, secure, and satisfying relationships, and it seems that Charlotte might have some issues with it.
According to experts, individuals with lower levels of trust tend to monitor and occasionally test another person’s degree of support and responsiveness in their relationship.
However, when a relationship lacks trust, it allows for the potential development of harmful thoughts, actions, or emotions, such as negative attributions, suspicion, and jealousy. Over time, these things can lead to even bigger problems, including emotional or physical abuse.
Trust issues are often linked with:
- Depression;
- Adjustment disorders (difficulty dealing with certain stresses);
- Anxiety;
- Fear of abandonment;
- Attachment issues;
- Post-traumatic stress;
- Schizophrenia.
Trust is important in relationships because it allows us the opportunity to relax, be ourselves, and depend on another person. It provides us with the safety and security we need to turn to someone for comfort, reassurance, assistance, and affection.
Although there has been significant research on the subject, relatively little is known about how and why interpersonal trust develops and is maintained.
With that being said, one study discovered that a tendency to be trusting is influenced by genetic factors, while distrust, on the other hand, is not, and is primarily associated with socialization, including family dynamics and other influences.
Psychologist Erik Erikson put forth a theory of development that suggests the earliest years of life are all about learning whether the people around us can be trusted with our care and safety, and, Erikson said, whatever we learn from that plays a foundational role in our future personal growth.
So who knows, maybe Charlotte has some demons from the past she needs to attend to.
Here’s the discussion that followed
251Kviews
Share on FacebookHonestly, I think that Bridezilla somehow learned that her groom was attracted to OP and set the whole thing up to end the friendship. The fact that the groom offered to sleep with OP, ostensibly as an apology, supports this. Bridezilla couldn't deal with her groom's attraction to her best friend and needed an excuse to get rid of OP. NTA, and good riddance.
That wasn't a test, it was an intentional trap to give Bridey a reason be dramatic. That marriage sounds like it's going to be a total dumpster fire. The husband offering to bang OP "as an apology" is flat-out ridiculous, and was likely yet another trap. OP should cut ties with the "friend" completely.
That's one of the reasons why a 21 and 22 year old should not get married. Immaturity. To be honest the bride could be just a shitty person, but the young age don't help her cause. They are too young. I'm sure someone will reply "my husband and I were 18 when we got married and we are still happily together". Great, I'm glad it worked for you, but you are the exception, not the rule.
When people give their personal example, which is probably one in million, as a general rule, I always ask them: are you aware that a sample of one does not prove anything? Yes, there have been people who jumped out of a tenth floor and survived, but I wouldn't do it, just in case.
Load More Replies...Where are the comments about the husbands so called "compensation" to sleep with here. Who does even come up with that? My jaw is on the floor.
Am sort of thinking that this bride of Frankenstein and her new husband deserve each other, both are crappy people!
Load More Replies...People who feel the need to test friendships or relationships are crazy. You're well out of that friendship, she's mental and her husband is mental.
It did sound like a stretch, but I responded as if it was a scenario followed by an exam question "What do *you* think?" I can also read some of the more interesting comments.
Load More Replies...Seems like Charlotte is the one who failed "a friendship test". also, she's clearly too young to be marries, she acts like a child, and not a particularly bright one.
I have no idea why a bride would put a friend to a rigorous test and pretty much set her up to fail. If she was a reasonable person before, she may have gone paranoid from stress or subconsciously wanted to break off the friendship. The husband refers to his wife as "dramatic" and urges others to apologize insincerely. So here's my other theory: a personality disorder that was not apparent until a life-changing event happened. The husband doesn't sound much better, just more honest about his own principles and super-vain (has offering his gigolo services worked before??).
NTA, also Not your friend. Move on from the crazy train and live your life. There is some emotional instability happening here and well letting it go would just give her the green light for more drama.
I believe brides should care less what color people wear to attend their wedding. The only exception of course is that no other person should wear an actual wedding dress to the occasion. In Nigeria where I come from, wedding guests go all out to look really elegant and flamboyant (think beauty pageant standard) at the wedding reception and it's no skin off the brides nose. After all there can be absolutely no mistaking who the couple of the day are. Please, how does what a person wears to your wedding affect the quality of your marriage?? It's petty and absurd. I hate unnecessary drama.
Abi! Some people really like drama. As long as you don't wear an actual wedding dress, we're good.
Load More Replies...This person is not your friend and probably never was. No skin off your a$$. Normal people don't test their friends or guests in this manner.
I'm wondering if the groom had commented on the OP in a way to make bride jealous and intent on keeping her (OP) safely away.
NTA dump the bride and trashy groom as well and move on to better people
I think she knew new husband had feeling for you & was setting you up. Don't need friends who test friendship
I only had to get through on paragraph to figure out that Bridzilla, YOU’RE NUTS! You don’t deserve that friend and I hope your friend has moved on!
What a B---- she just used you to get her wedding on all FB T UTUBE AND ANY OTHER SITES you can think of she's not your friend and never was and her new husband is the biggest B----- for saying he would have sex with you if you were to apologize for something you weren't guilty of he must think he's God's gift to women and her relatives and family support him What some screwed up people
Wow, after giving her cash toward expenses, you had to pass a 'friendship test'? She certainly failed on her part. Sounds like she and Josh truly deserve each other. You did nothing wrong here.
Maybe GG thought you were paying for his G services when you gave the 250.00 what a jerk off
Load More Replies...Who tests friends like this (or at al, fot that matter. A bride wearing blue (something I would assume was known by the OP if she was supposedly as good a friend before said "test") has no right to insist on no white wearing guests. A "wedding painter" (which is what it sounds like, for those not in the know -quickly sketches to late make painted portraits of the wedding), yet the couple can't afford it? Sure, OP later said it was a gift, but also said it was gifted because they seemed to need it in that regard. This bride was just looking for wedding drama, even if just to say she had a trauma wedding. Too many "lose" scenarios for the OP that there was going to be drama somehow. Which only seemed to be dragged out and added to by the groom when the OP reach out to hopefully get the drama resolved.
NTA...that bride has issues! 1st off she found out her man wanted the OP there was no friendship test. 2nd husband wanted her to make up with friend so he could try to get OP as a side piece. When that didn't work he figured hey I will make an offer to her see if she takes it. If not I still got my wife.
The story seems a little sus to me, especially with the husband offering to sleep with her as an apology or is that a test too??.
Friends don’t test friends. I’m sorry she turned out to be a froot loop but don’t waste another second wondering about this—she set you up and then blamed you for doing what you thought she wanted. That’s absolute dealbreaker BS.
And I can’t even with her husband. Leave these two to each other and their hot mess relationship.
Load More Replies...Find other friends. Real friends, I mean. This is so ridiculous I only read the first two paragraphs and I just couldn't go on. Why people put up with this kind of abuse and bullying from a total stranger (or even from a family member) is beyond my understanding. Go to therapy and work on your self-esteem. You really need to. Low self-esteem is terrible, and it makes you believe you deserve this kind of c**p. Believe me, you don't. Only keep in your life those people who respect you and treat you well. The rest can FO. You don't deserve this kind of drama in your life.
I agree with others that she knew her fiance wanted to sleep with the OP and orchestrated this whole thing to punish the OP, get her booted from the friend group, and end the relationship with it being the OP's fault. She just didn't count on the OP covering her butt with multiple, in writing requests for confirmation and recordings.
bridzillas the ahole but op said that she pulled the white dress out when bridezilla was "helping" her find something, why even pull a white dress out to begin with?
Hope OP gets a new phone, FB, Insta, etc., profiles to stop the madness of other people dumping on her. Also, she's well rid of Bridezilla + her hubs.
100% NTA the bride and anyone who does friendship /relationship"tests" like that are abusive. OP asked multiple times if the bride was ok with the dress. I can't believe people are actually saying OP is the AH
People getting married in their 20s are just kids playing dress up.
A friendship test!? That is beyond weird. I would have done exactly what you did.
NTA but I am confused. Were you part of the actual wedding party or a good friend helping her with all the stuff that goes along with the wedding? As a bridesmaid wouldn't there a specific color scheme or dress style? If you were an invited guest, why is she telling you what to wear in the first place? (I realize you were trying to be nice and ask for her opinion) but WHY would she have given you HER shoes to wear with the white dress?? Didn't anyone question that tidbit? The whole thing is bonkers. Definitely a "leave the shoes, take canoli (gift)" moment.
Even I as a mere male would have known better than to have picked the white dress, sort of like how your mom taught you when going to grade school bday parties to always decline if offered the last piece of cake. I must say as so often on this site I wonder about unreliable narrator syndrome. Did she really live at least 9 months with bride without noticing any signs she is, if we are to buy this story completely, severely mentally disturbed? The groom's proposed apology likewise sounds a bit too old school Judge Judy show to be plausible but if true run far and fast away from these people and let them keep the $250 as a small price to pay for a great story for your old age.
First, do you really want a friend that test you as a friend? That's just an ahole thing to do. 2. If you knew already that wearing white to a wedding is a big no no, then no matter what the bride said, you still shouldn't of worn white. 3. She's married to a sleaze ball who probably has, and will cheat on her more than once. 4. The $250 you gave her was a gift, not a loan, so they really don't have to give it back, no matter how morally right it would be. 5. In my opinion everyone, including you, acted like a bunch of children. When I was 20-21, I had been married for 2 years, had a baby, and didn't have time for such foolishness.
Personally, I don't care if they're true as long as they're fun.
Load More Replies...My husband was 21 when we got married and I was 18. That was many decades ago and we're still married.
Load More Replies...Honestly, I think that Bridezilla somehow learned that her groom was attracted to OP and set the whole thing up to end the friendship. The fact that the groom offered to sleep with OP, ostensibly as an apology, supports this. Bridezilla couldn't deal with her groom's attraction to her best friend and needed an excuse to get rid of OP. NTA, and good riddance.
That wasn't a test, it was an intentional trap to give Bridey a reason be dramatic. That marriage sounds like it's going to be a total dumpster fire. The husband offering to bang OP "as an apology" is flat-out ridiculous, and was likely yet another trap. OP should cut ties with the "friend" completely.
That's one of the reasons why a 21 and 22 year old should not get married. Immaturity. To be honest the bride could be just a shitty person, but the young age don't help her cause. They are too young. I'm sure someone will reply "my husband and I were 18 when we got married and we are still happily together". Great, I'm glad it worked for you, but you are the exception, not the rule.
When people give their personal example, which is probably one in million, as a general rule, I always ask them: are you aware that a sample of one does not prove anything? Yes, there have been people who jumped out of a tenth floor and survived, but I wouldn't do it, just in case.
Load More Replies...Where are the comments about the husbands so called "compensation" to sleep with here. Who does even come up with that? My jaw is on the floor.
Am sort of thinking that this bride of Frankenstein and her new husband deserve each other, both are crappy people!
Load More Replies...People who feel the need to test friendships or relationships are crazy. You're well out of that friendship, she's mental and her husband is mental.
It did sound like a stretch, but I responded as if it was a scenario followed by an exam question "What do *you* think?" I can also read some of the more interesting comments.
Load More Replies...Seems like Charlotte is the one who failed "a friendship test". also, she's clearly too young to be marries, she acts like a child, and not a particularly bright one.
I have no idea why a bride would put a friend to a rigorous test and pretty much set her up to fail. If she was a reasonable person before, she may have gone paranoid from stress or subconsciously wanted to break off the friendship. The husband refers to his wife as "dramatic" and urges others to apologize insincerely. So here's my other theory: a personality disorder that was not apparent until a life-changing event happened. The husband doesn't sound much better, just more honest about his own principles and super-vain (has offering his gigolo services worked before??).
NTA, also Not your friend. Move on from the crazy train and live your life. There is some emotional instability happening here and well letting it go would just give her the green light for more drama.
I believe brides should care less what color people wear to attend their wedding. The only exception of course is that no other person should wear an actual wedding dress to the occasion. In Nigeria where I come from, wedding guests go all out to look really elegant and flamboyant (think beauty pageant standard) at the wedding reception and it's no skin off the brides nose. After all there can be absolutely no mistaking who the couple of the day are. Please, how does what a person wears to your wedding affect the quality of your marriage?? It's petty and absurd. I hate unnecessary drama.
Abi! Some people really like drama. As long as you don't wear an actual wedding dress, we're good.
Load More Replies...This person is not your friend and probably never was. No skin off your a$$. Normal people don't test their friends or guests in this manner.
I'm wondering if the groom had commented on the OP in a way to make bride jealous and intent on keeping her (OP) safely away.
NTA dump the bride and trashy groom as well and move on to better people
I think she knew new husband had feeling for you & was setting you up. Don't need friends who test friendship
I only had to get through on paragraph to figure out that Bridzilla, YOU’RE NUTS! You don’t deserve that friend and I hope your friend has moved on!
What a B---- she just used you to get her wedding on all FB T UTUBE AND ANY OTHER SITES you can think of she's not your friend and never was and her new husband is the biggest B----- for saying he would have sex with you if you were to apologize for something you weren't guilty of he must think he's God's gift to women and her relatives and family support him What some screwed up people
Wow, after giving her cash toward expenses, you had to pass a 'friendship test'? She certainly failed on her part. Sounds like she and Josh truly deserve each other. You did nothing wrong here.
Maybe GG thought you were paying for his G services when you gave the 250.00 what a jerk off
Load More Replies...Who tests friends like this (or at al, fot that matter. A bride wearing blue (something I would assume was known by the OP if she was supposedly as good a friend before said "test") has no right to insist on no white wearing guests. A "wedding painter" (which is what it sounds like, for those not in the know -quickly sketches to late make painted portraits of the wedding), yet the couple can't afford it? Sure, OP later said it was a gift, but also said it was gifted because they seemed to need it in that regard. This bride was just looking for wedding drama, even if just to say she had a trauma wedding. Too many "lose" scenarios for the OP that there was going to be drama somehow. Which only seemed to be dragged out and added to by the groom when the OP reach out to hopefully get the drama resolved.
NTA...that bride has issues! 1st off she found out her man wanted the OP there was no friendship test. 2nd husband wanted her to make up with friend so he could try to get OP as a side piece. When that didn't work he figured hey I will make an offer to her see if she takes it. If not I still got my wife.
The story seems a little sus to me, especially with the husband offering to sleep with her as an apology or is that a test too??.
Friends don’t test friends. I’m sorry she turned out to be a froot loop but don’t waste another second wondering about this—she set you up and then blamed you for doing what you thought she wanted. That’s absolute dealbreaker BS.
And I can’t even with her husband. Leave these two to each other and their hot mess relationship.
Load More Replies...Find other friends. Real friends, I mean. This is so ridiculous I only read the first two paragraphs and I just couldn't go on. Why people put up with this kind of abuse and bullying from a total stranger (or even from a family member) is beyond my understanding. Go to therapy and work on your self-esteem. You really need to. Low self-esteem is terrible, and it makes you believe you deserve this kind of c**p. Believe me, you don't. Only keep in your life those people who respect you and treat you well. The rest can FO. You don't deserve this kind of drama in your life.
I agree with others that she knew her fiance wanted to sleep with the OP and orchestrated this whole thing to punish the OP, get her booted from the friend group, and end the relationship with it being the OP's fault. She just didn't count on the OP covering her butt with multiple, in writing requests for confirmation and recordings.
bridzillas the ahole but op said that she pulled the white dress out when bridezilla was "helping" her find something, why even pull a white dress out to begin with?
Hope OP gets a new phone, FB, Insta, etc., profiles to stop the madness of other people dumping on her. Also, she's well rid of Bridezilla + her hubs.
100% NTA the bride and anyone who does friendship /relationship"tests" like that are abusive. OP asked multiple times if the bride was ok with the dress. I can't believe people are actually saying OP is the AH
People getting married in their 20s are just kids playing dress up.
A friendship test!? That is beyond weird. I would have done exactly what you did.
NTA but I am confused. Were you part of the actual wedding party or a good friend helping her with all the stuff that goes along with the wedding? As a bridesmaid wouldn't there a specific color scheme or dress style? If you were an invited guest, why is she telling you what to wear in the first place? (I realize you were trying to be nice and ask for her opinion) but WHY would she have given you HER shoes to wear with the white dress?? Didn't anyone question that tidbit? The whole thing is bonkers. Definitely a "leave the shoes, take canoli (gift)" moment.
Even I as a mere male would have known better than to have picked the white dress, sort of like how your mom taught you when going to grade school bday parties to always decline if offered the last piece of cake. I must say as so often on this site I wonder about unreliable narrator syndrome. Did she really live at least 9 months with bride without noticing any signs she is, if we are to buy this story completely, severely mentally disturbed? The groom's proposed apology likewise sounds a bit too old school Judge Judy show to be plausible but if true run far and fast away from these people and let them keep the $250 as a small price to pay for a great story for your old age.
First, do you really want a friend that test you as a friend? That's just an ahole thing to do. 2. If you knew already that wearing white to a wedding is a big no no, then no matter what the bride said, you still shouldn't of worn white. 3. She's married to a sleaze ball who probably has, and will cheat on her more than once. 4. The $250 you gave her was a gift, not a loan, so they really don't have to give it back, no matter how morally right it would be. 5. In my opinion everyone, including you, acted like a bunch of children. When I was 20-21, I had been married for 2 years, had a baby, and didn't have time for such foolishness.
Personally, I don't care if they're true as long as they're fun.
Load More Replies...My husband was 21 when we got married and I was 18. That was many decades ago and we're still married.
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