Toxic masculinity is a term that has evolved over time and now has a place both in academia and everyday speech. In short, it describes the negative aspects of exaggerated masculine traits.
A few days ago, Reddit user TacoHellDriveThru decided to figure out what that means for men personally. So they submitted a question to r/AskReddit, saying: "What's a form of toxic masculinity you've experienced in your life as a male?" TacoHellDriveThru specified they only wanted serious answers, and serious answers are what they got.
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People act like I'm suspicious or dangerous when I travel alone with my daughter.
Every time I go out in public without her mother I get people watching me closely. I parked my car in a parking lot to feed her lunch a while back (didn't want to take her inside due to COVID) and a group of people gawked and circled our vehicle in their truck a few times. That is not an uncommon experience for me.
I'm legitimately afraid to take her into a family bathroom because I fear some Karen is going to call the police and tell them I am doing something unspeakable because God forbid a man act like a nurturing parent in public. I'm scared I'm going to get a gun pulled on me in front of my daughter.
A lot of people assume that a lone man with a child or adjacent to children is a predator by default.
If they're not assuming I'm a predator, I still get comments like "Babysitting for mom?" No, I'm not babysitting for mom. I am her parent and I'm every bit as capable at it as her mother. Me taking my child to the park and feeding her lunch isn't "babysitting" just because I am doing it alone.
Yes. It really needs to change. Most families are still taken care by women even if they work full time. It is time that men step up and take responsability. My male cousin just had a baby and he has taken 4 months leave (thanks spain) and he is there taking care of his wife and child. Thats a real father.
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I genuinely see plenty of men out with their babies and small children and no-one seems to be taking any notice. Everyday I'm out walking my dogs and see dads cycling with their children, in the play areas. The dads seem relaxed and not bothered by anyone. I hope that's more common than not. The babysitting thing - that I do hear more often.
This may be more of a U.S. thing. Horrible things happening to kids get a lot of air time over here
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I can relate to this a lot. I'm a white male, my wife is Mexican. Naturally, my two kids have darker skin than I do. As a male, walking alone holding hands with my darker skinned 5 year old daughter, a lot of people can't comprehend that just maybe I really am her father.... Despite it being 2021, people still don't believe that mixed race marriages are a common thing
as a father, I haaaaate hate hate when my wife is busy and people say "ah so you're babysitting today?" NO! It's a blessing to be able to get some quality alone time with my kids so we have a chance to bond one on one. Any parent who calls it babysitting is doing it wrong
I hear this kind of thing quite often and it is awful the amount of single fathers or dads spending time with their kids get judged. These men are our partners, sons, brothers etc. There are more good men than bad, it is just we hear more about the bad, than the good.
It might not be their experience though and saying so isn't trivialising. It is actually GREAT news that it isn't their experience. It shows that dads and their children are just seen as normal and everyday in some places on the planet! I've not been bothered or stopped when with my nieces or godchildren. Just not something that has ever been an issue. That is not me trivialising anything. I hate that it happens.
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people are wrong on so many levels here... he's her parent so respect that and don't assume he's "babysitting" um he's parenting and that's what you call it when a parent is taking freakin good care of their child
This sucks. Did my father get this treatment, being a single father?! If so that’s upsetting. I’m a little disgusted with society
It sucks that all the bad people have made innocent people look bad.
I was fine until I accidentally shut my little daughter's finger in a porta-potty door. She kept volunteering to random people, in her tiny little voice, "my daddy hurt me in the bathroom."
Oh dear. If she still wants to tell people, can't you get her to say "My Daddy hurt my finger in the bathroom."?
Load More Replies... It's actually a shame that people have this mindset ... but it also is ... well, you neither can tell who's good by seeing them nor who's bad ... but, tbh - unless there is a reason to suspect something of said unspeakable is happening, there is no reason to act as if. It may be acceptable to look for the little, hard to notice signs, but then again - what are they? Will I see them? Will I interpret them right? I'm not sure enough, but, as, although too often of course - once is too often already -, these things don't happen more often than just fathers caring for their kids.
Yep, had lots of these experiences. I got a lot of “you’re well trained” because I could change a nappy as well.
At McDonalds, a father with his young daughter (maybe 4 or 5), asked me to go to the toilet with his young daughter. The staff refused to let him in. In Germany, you sometimes need a code to unlock the door to the toilets. I got the door code, opened the door for the man, and let him and his daughter in ... and when they finished, I went in. The clerk wasn't happy about it ... neither was I. I told her, I would contact McDonalds directly ... to ask why fathers are not allowed to use McDonalds toilets, with their young daughters.
The worst case of toxic masculinity that I, a woman, have ever witnessed was when my toddler nephew tried to give his dad a kiss goodnight. His dad wouldn't give him one because, "Boys ain't supposed to kiss other boys.".
Here Here, father of the year!! Good for you. And shame on those idiots thinking any different.
This one really gets me. I am a masters educated nurse. A man. I have worked with kids. But if a kid falls in the street, I have to look around and check for the parent rather than help. God forbid I would help the child. All hell would break loose.
GOOD MAN - a lot of very stupid, assbackwards people out there...
Yet if it is a baby boy or toddler, there is no issue. My DIL was in hospital after delivering a new daughter. So my son took my grandson (still in diapers) to the shopping center to buy some much needed items. My grandson needed his nappy changed and my so to him to the Baby Change Room, he had just finished changing his nappy when security burst in, demanding to know what he was doing. Some woman had reported a Pervert in the Ladies rooms.
I've experienced a lot of women saying that their partner is babysitting when he's home alone with their mutual child, and it pisses me off each time.
The father on an outing with the child being harassed is not toxic masculinity. I will bet it is usually nosy, pushy women that give the father a hard time. Aside from that, it is toxic women who are less accepting of a father with his child at a playground or park. One father on Reddit was asked to leave a playground when a group of mothers thought it was weird he was there with his kid. So, there is plenty of toxicity to go around. I don't acknowledge the term "toxic masculinity". If I'm behaving in a fashion that women disapprove of, I'm not toxic, I'm being masculine. It's how I was raised and in three score years of life, I'm not changing my personality for anyone. I'm behaving as society has programmed me and I doubt if I have another 60 years to "unlearn" it. Besides, why should I?
That's completely normal here in the Nordics, no one will raise an eyebrow about a dad alone with his children and no one will pull out a gun, that's for sure!
Well if dad would just let daughter do their makeup and hair before they go out, all he would get is smiles.
This is something men have done to themselves and only men can change it. Women will always look out for little kids and with the amount of sexual abuse of children that goes on, I don't think anyone can be blamed for having a look at how she is reacting with you. Be glad for that.
Isn't this like excusing racist stereotypes about African Americans because a small portion of them have committed violent crimes, so people view all of them with suspicion? What if I wrote this as "White people will always look out for whites with the amount of crime that goes on, I don't think anyone can be blamed for having a look at how a black person acts when near you, be glad for that." A small percentage of men are pedophiles. So all of a sudden, you can't blame people for suspecting all dads having quality time with their daughters are pedos? The same thing has happened to Muslims. Before 9/11, most people in the US perceived Muslims as solid pillars of the community. After 9/11, because of a small number of heinous terrorist attacks, anyone with a beard or a hijab getting on your flight is flagged for suspicion. It's not a rational fear.
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how is this toxic masculinity though. has nothing to do with that. Society has changed for some reason thinking every man is bad. Because you hear of rapists or pedophiles every man is suddenly a potential rapist or pedophile. Completely ridiculous of course. More in the USA though I think. I see nobody here looking weird at men alone with their kids.
This is a destructive social phenomenon, but not an example of toxic masculinity, unless the definition has shifted.
These people who assume he is a predator aren't all male, are they. So that part is not toxic masculinity.
Is toxic masculinity because it affects a man. By your logic only a woman could be misogynistic...
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There are jerks everywhere, not just in the U.S.!!
Load More Replies...Dr. Esther De Dauw, a comic scholar working on superheroes, gender, race, and anti-hegemonic narratives, agrees that toxic masculinity is deeply rooted in our society. "The stories we tell, our popular myths, films, books, etc, are ways for us to make sense of the world," she told Bored Panda. "A lot of our storytelling is wrapped up in toxic masculinity—it's all about the hero who can stand alone, take care of business, who doesn’t cry or relies on his community."
"We see these stories as kids and the adults in our lives tend to enforce the lessons taken from these stories 'boys don't cry', 'no means yes', etc. And then we become adults and while we might tell different stories, we tend to embed the values we've grown up with in our stories—because to us that's just how the world is, it's our normative world view. Research in sociology and psychology increasingly points to media as a really powerful tool to pass on norms and values, and with the increased media presence in our lives through smartphones, tablets, and binge culture – we’re constantly being influenced."
De Dauw also co-authored a book on the subject. Titled Toxic Masculinity: Mapping the Monstrous in Our Heroes, it's an exciting exploration of the impact of hypermasculinity on the creation of the modern superhero.
I've been called 'gay' for rescuing a starving kitten and taking it to the RSPCA.
Dr. De Dauw highlighted that when we're talking about toxic masculinity, we're not just talking about general sexism. "Of course, they're related and influence each other, but toxic masculinity is about the extreme rejection of what our culture thinks of as feminine traits (sensitivity, softness, etc) and the adoration of masculine traits (self-sufficiency, stoicism, etc)," she said.
"It's about the shame and pain that men are taught to feel when they're not manly enough and how that leads them to lash out (mostly at women). It's about how the traits of masculinity can become toxic to both men and the people in their lives."
I got made fun of for wearing lifesaving safety gear on job sites. There are people now who can't taste, smell, or hear properly because they were too stubborn to put on earplugs and safety glasses, since it's 'not manly' to protect yourself apparently.
"So, I’m thinking about the way that when men experience a mental health crisis, they are less likely to reach out for help because it’s not considered manly to be overwhelmed by your emotions or circumstances," Dr. De Dauw said. "Eating disorders, steroid addiction, and body modification addiction have been on the rise amongst young men since the 1980s because with bodybuilding action heroes and superhero films, the culturally ideal body type for men has shifted."
In the UK, for example, 3 times as many men as women die by suicide.
Getting sh*t on for not caring about sports. I'm sorry, I just don't want to spend my time watching people run around a field. And no, I don't want to play sports video games either.
De Dauw herself has experienced sexism. When she was doing her Ph.D., a fellow Ph.D. scholar referred to her as 'the one with the big b**bs' to another colleague. She has also had students make gender-based comments during teaching evaluations. She has even been harassed on the street.
But, the toxic masculinity that De Dauw has experienced in her life has mostly impacted men she has known who were unable to talk about their feelings or trauma and, due to this inability, hurt themselves, lashed out at her and the other women in their lives.
My earliest memory of toxic masculinity was when I was on my first grade basketball team. We got to pick our jersey numbers. I chose 14 because it was my aunt's number, who was a D1 college player at the time. When I told them this, the coaches laughed at me. Apparently looking up to a non-male athlete was frowned upon, even though none of the coaches made it past high school.
What makes me furious is that THE COACHES laughed. They should be the ones promoting healthy role models!
At this point, De Dauw thinks it's hard to say whether or not we as a society have contained toxic masculinity. "Once you name a problem, it becomes more visible and you identify more instances of it," she said. "We're also living in an increasingly divided world, where a lot of people feel threatened when problems like this are identified and they feel the need to lash out to prevent our rapidly changing world from changing even more—and that also gives the impression that the problem is growing or getting worse."
"I think that, at the very least, we're identifying, thinking, and talking about things like toxic masculinity and that in and of itself is a good way forward," De Dauw explained.
I got raped by an ex. Nearly everyone I've told starts by arguing the toss that it wasn't actually rape.
Because she thinks the reason toxic masculinity is so embedded is (in part) because of the media, a really hopeful thing for her is that we're seeing more and more push-back against toxic masculinity in media from various audiences. "We are seeing more diverse roles in media, and this includes more diverse ways for men to be men," De Dauw added.
"There are shows that have kind, loving and sensitive men and shows that deal with characters showing these toxic traits and growing past them, [including] Dipper from Gravity Falls when he moves past his crush on Wendy, Soka in Avatar: The Last Airbender when he learns to value women, Captain Picard in the recent Picard series, who has learned to be open and affectionate with the men in his life, and Joel from Santa Clarita Diet who is supportive of his wife and daughter."
My favorite color is purple. I've tried to wear purple, and nope, too many dumbass comments.
In Toxic Masculinity: Mapping the Monstrous in Our Heroes, De Dauw wrote that, "When we consider how popular culture and its stories give us a lens through which we can learn to emphasize with and love those different from us, it becomes clear that representation is a promising start, even if it cannot be the whole our strategy to increase equality."
"Another important step is that we need have these conversations with the men in our lives if it is possible and safe for us to do so," she added. "Encourage men to seek support in their communities, to go to therapy if necessary, to learn how to communicate, and to perform emotional labor–we need to consistently understand that there's no one right way to be a man."
I always wear seatbelts in cars, but every so often, someone will scoff or poke fun that I put my seatbelt on when we share a cab or an Uber. I don't feel like smashing out my front teeth if the driver gets into a fender bender.
or killing the driver because you smash into the back of his head if you crash
In the academic world, the notion of a singular, perfectly-defined masculinity has been rejected since the late 1980s. Led by the sociologist Raewyn Connell, this school of thought positions gender as the product of relations and behaviors, rather than as a fixed set of identities and attributes.
In her work, Connell described multiple masculinities shaped by class, race, culture, sexuality, and other factors, often in competition with one another as to which can claim to be more authentic. In this view, the standards by which a "real man" is defined can vary dramatically across time and place.
Let's hope that some day theory will become practice too.
About five years ago, I feel into a deep depression. I have been wrestling with the problem since I was a teen. I refused to see counselors for years until I snapped. As a man the expectations are to "hang tough". "Real men" don't need counseling was sort drilled into my head because it exhibited weakness. When I became suicidal, I had to leave my job and quite a few people insinuated I was weak. I sought treatment with the help of a psychologist and a counselor. That's when I realized the "manliness" garbage was toxic. I hate sports, cars and bullshit. I spend my time with my awesome wife not weekends with "the boys" ignoring my family. I haven't looked back since.
While you have shed your old "boys" I hope you have gotten some new friends that you can hang with, both with and without your wife.
Oh another one for me is when I grew my hair out. Most guys called me gay and that it looked girly. Yet, I was dating more women than ever during that time because a lot of the women I dated loved the hair. So I guess being straight is gay?
Being harassed by women multiple times and having it dismissed because I'm a man.
This pisses me off so much. If men harass women we hear all about it but when it is the other way round it gets ignored.
Apparently guys are absolutely required to like any attention from a girl even if it's invasive as f**k or borderline rapey.
When people say to a male victim of rape that they should have "enjoyed it"
I work at a grocery store.
I was ringing one day and one of the other register employees was giving this older gentleman a really hard time about wanting a bag to carry his stuff. She said something to the degree of “Come on! You should be able to carry that on your own; you’re a man. You’re supposed to be strong!” The dude had a cane with him. I’m not even sure if she realized what she was saying was demeaning and toxic. I turned around and gave her a WTF look.
She didn’t last too long.
Doesn’t matter if he was young, old, had a cane or had no cane etc, you don’t just say that s**t.
Men in a group tend to sexualize any and all women
I hate that
Also growing up I got s**t for not knowing about cars, like cause I’m a dude I should have the knowledge of a mechanic
I am currently in therapy to unlearn all the toxic behaviours I learned growing up. I learned in my 30s that feelings aren't a burden to be suppressed and ignored.
So if men have feelings they're gay but if they don't they're insensitive? Did I get it right?
I remember in high school (I went to an all-boys school), I would go to watch my older sister play hockey, and I’d get made fun of. I never understood what the problem with going to watch a women’s hockey game was, especially one where my older sister was playing.
My old roommate was the definition of toxic masculinity. He told his parents the other night that all other guys who go to the gym are 'betas,' while he is a 'biological alpha' and then proceeded to make fun of out-of-shape people at the gym.
hahahaha an aplha talking with mommie and daddie about how great he is.
Lost power during a cold (and wet) spell pre-covid. As the building management guy who also lived in the building, I was tasked to stay on-site for the entire 10 days to coordinate repair efforts while the rest of the residents left for hotels/relatives' places. On the 7th day, I also got food poisoning and spent the day expelling from both ends while taking time in between to meet with contractors. The then girlfriend came home later that evening to see me pale, dehydrated, shivering, and exhausted in bed wearing all of my snow clothes. She asked how I was, I said "rough" and she went on to say how her day was so much worse because of some office drama. After her rant she asked why I didn't go make myself some tea as if I was stupid enough to not consider it.
She was a self-proclaimed feminist but was always blind to my needs.
My mother in law told me to stop whining and "man up", we were new parents and I was working nights. The only thing I said was that I was "tired". It's stuff like that. I'm actually clinically depressed, but I never talk about it because I'm 6'3" and masculine so I'm not allowed to feel sad or tired.
For being straight but exclusively using the gay trainers on Peloton. They are more fun and have better music, sorry not sorry.
They just happen to have good (or the same) taste and be gay, could just as easily have awful taste in music.
Mainly how boys are raised to disregard pain and view emotions as a nuisance to be avoided and stifled. It’s helpful for getting things done but not so good for being mentally healthy.
When I told someone I was a chef, they told me that career path was for women.
I was expected to be able to chug alcohol and just keep on going. I just can't. I have a low threshold. I can't have like five shots of tequila and go about my business. I'll be a mess.
My dad. He's never been wrong about a god damn thing in his life. The solution to a problem he picks is the only solution.
Examples include: lighting fires under our water pipes to thaw them out in cold weather for hours to fix a blockage, setting our house on fire at one point, when it turned out the block was at an elbow that was easily broken loose once mom found it. Another is his insistence on gluing s**t together with silicone to 'fix' vehicles. If I have a bad day, I clearly need a higher dose of antidepressants, as I'm a man and I'm not allowed to have negative emotions. Launching a piece of plastic into my eye breaking open the box of our water valve and it's my fault because I was 'sticking my face in it'
If the man decided he was gonna headbutt his way through a brick wall, he wouldn't stop until his skull broke. He's ridiculous.
You need to stand together as a family and get him out of your life. My mother FINALLY divorced my father when I was 12, and I still suffer from the effects of his toxic behaviour at 51.
After the final exam, my classmates and I went to a nearby bar to drink our pains away. I ordered a lime Margarita and was mocked by both the males and females that it was a girly drink. Same thing when I ordered a long Island afterwards. (I've now moved to cosmopolitans, since three or four can get me happy drunk, and tastes awesome!)
is a Planters Punch a girly drink? I don't care actually, I will still order one :-)
"Cooking is the woman's job" said to me when I told them I like to cook
America is a backwards country. No-one anywhere else has said this since the 1960s.
I grew up in a cowboy town. I saw a guy fall off his horse and break his leg. He refused to be helped off and insisted in getting back on his horse and riding out. There was an ambulance right there.
Almost everyone I know has at some point ridiculed or bullied me because I don't like or want a car.
I’m curious if my brother deals with the same thing. He has no desire to learn to drive or get a car. He is happy walking or catching public transport. he feels that a car is too much of a financial burden and would rather spend his money on other things.
People trying to use their size to intimidate or invalidate you.
I remember some trashy scene on MTV, where a big, muscular man (i guess it was a wrestler) took off his shirt and flexed in front of the police desk. They said something like "oh, we now see you're a good man. We are now looking much better for your missing wife than before you took off your shirt. Let me call the mayor so he can raise more people to look for her." I didn't understand back then and still don't.
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I know this gets said every time, but I still think it bears repeating. “Toxic masculinity” does not mean that being masculine is toxic. It means that in our culture there are certain specific traits that are pushed as being masculine but that are actually harmful to both men and women.
Please do keep repeating that!!! We all need to be reminded so thank you.
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"Toxic Masculinity" is not the only issue shown in this post. Homophobia and sexism are also there.... we need to show all these issues more and do more about them to achieve equality.
My husband loves cuddles and kisses more than me..He is cuddly and sweet with our two kids and he is raising them in a very sensible way.. in our house it's me who does all carpentry works and repair jobs because my father taught me these things even if I'm a woman...my husband lets me doing all these things not because he's less masculine but because he knows I love it more than him ..we think that all these stereotypes are really really harmful..
My dad taught my sister and I (also female) how to repare or DIY'ed many things, because everyone should know how to do some basic work around the house. When we left home, he gifted each one of us a big tool box and I have used it a lot and bought more tools.
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Yes. We should get rid of gender altogether. The only moment where sex is relevant is in sexual situations and in the doctor. For the rest we do not need to know so gender is useless. Also a toxic idea (as we saw in this post).
Load More Replies... I worked in a company where 70% are females.I was daily harassed by a female coworker.She snitched every little mistake i made to my boss,she manipulated others against me and she made me doing her work.I had a really good paying job.I told my boss and he was like "yeah we will talk to her" and the situation never got better.Because the company was mostly female i had no chance to "survive".The worst thing is that i had a really good paying job and i had to quit.This happened 6 years ago and now i am almost broke.I had to do the worst jobs becuase others wouldn't hire me becuase everyone is asking why i quit such a job.Whatever i say it is the wrong answer in interviews because "you just can't quit such a job".I never recovered and my life is hell to the point where i thought about suicide.Therapy,medication,working out and eating healthy didn't help.
I’m so sorry you went through that. The effects of toxic people can last years. You had to quit your job due to a health (mental health) problem. No interviewer should ask more information. Many communities have low cost mental health clinics. I hope you give therapy another try. Sometimes talking to the right person can make all the difference.
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I can think of a few my dad did. One, he'd ask how I'm doing. I'd say "pretty good". He'd say "I don't know about this "pretty" thing. I think it was meant to be a joke, but it just came off as stupid. His views on Trans people were particularly disconcerting. I went with him when he met some of his biological family. One of his cousin had a trans girlfriend or something. He commented something along the lines of "men who do that are mutilating themselves". This one I'm not sure if it's toxic or just terrible, but growing up; especially as I got close to adulthood, he would say "If we were ever to be in a fight, I'd win. You know why. You'd hesitate thinking "I can't hit him. He's my father." I however would not have that". I always thought " gee. I Feel loved". My own father wouldn't hesitate in hitting his son.
There is only about 3 things, if not less, that apply to only one gender. Almost nothing should be categorized under one gender. BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE, NOT WHO OTHERS WANT YOU TO BE!!!
You are allowed to have emotion you are alowed to get help you are allowed to not enjoy sports you are allowed to be kind you are allowed to not want to f**k every girl you see! It does NOT make you gay (even though its 100% ok to be gay) you do you and don't worry about the world stupid gender roles!
This post was needed. Toxic masculinity is rife and often (as proven in this thread) is scoffed at and has a limited voice to speak out against it. It's a cog in the gears of toxic identity culture: stand up for yourself/another gender, or even race or religion (not to get sidetracked btw), standing up like that is shot down. The more we can support each other and listen, without "not all's" and "but your gender does it too's" the more we drain the misery out of our society. I know reading this thread and comments has given me some more insight into what I need to be aware of in my behaviour so as not to prop this toxic s**t up
When I was growing up, I looked a lot like a girl and hangout a lot with my mom and her friends when my dad was being a raging bastard. So it included hair salons and madi-pedis. No one really bothered me in primary school because I was tall. In high school, it's a different story. But I got so used to the walloping by dad dishes out, I can handle myself pretty well. So when I finally had enough of their crap I sent two guys to the hospital. I spent a week there as well with a concussion and bone fractures taking on five of them. But after that, no one bothered me so there is that.
Raising my #bigmiddlefinger to those #dumbarseh0lesdumbfvcks who do not read between the lines. You are so genuinely stoopid to even read anything on The Net. Chaíto, richardeds.
When I was a kid (back in the 70s), it was made clear to me that boys "aren't supposed" to feel sad, or shy, or insecure, or worried, etc etc etc. However, it WAS okay for boys to be angry (that was considered "manly"), and so every negative emotion I had came out as anger, and I STILL struggle with that.
This is less powerful considering Bored Panda JUST RAN AN ARTICLE ABOUT MEN BEING BAD
No, its part of the same problem. Just because one gender experiences toxicity doesn't preclude any other gender from getting toxic treatment. I explained it better in my post, but the knee jerk 'you do it too' is actually part of the toxicity, and holds us back
Load More Replies... I'm a superintendent in a large distribution center for a large international company. The place is unionized, which naturally means I need to be tough and thick skinned. I am these things, but I can also be compassionate with my employees. Upper management treats our unionized employees more as objects than as people, and they do not care at all. They expect me, as a male manager, to have the same lack of compassion for the employees. Funnily, they do not have the same expectations for my female counterparts, and understand when they can be caring towards employees.
I love how as soon as I saw this I went on another website and saw a positive masculinity post lol
Toxic Masculinity literally broke me physically and mentally. It was a hell that took forever to dig myself out of, my ankle is forever destroyed because of it, and I'm still dealing with the mental health ramifications of it. It was only after I began the long climb out of that hole, that I decided to to say screw it and not worry about living up to whatever society's idea of being a man was. A lot less stressful that way.
I used to follow my Dad around when I was a kid, watching when he would do little repair jobs around the house. I think I have more power tools than either of my brothers combined. My main chore was washing dishes, while my brother's was mowing the lawn. Just because I was a girl. I hated having to wash dishes every night, and pretty sure my brother hated mowing the lawn.
Toxic masculinity mentally and emotionally crippled whole generations of men, it's so sad. I always told my son, if you need to cry, then cry- it's okay..
Toxic masculinity is horribly limiting to men and dangerous to both men and women.
To talk with a woman or a girl online while the other guys are thinking i flert.
This is a fu*ked up world, completely upside down and first thing we need is to change the way we think, let all the toxic sh*t go and start to respect the REAL individuality of every being!
My brother is one of the most 'masculine' men I have ever met. He stands 6' 2", is built like a brick shithouse and is the most typically bogan guy I have ever met (Yes, I'm Australian). You know who he looks up to and admires, who he uses as inspiration, who we wishes he could be more like, who he hopes to meet one day? Amanda Nunes, the MMA fighter and Dolly bloody Parton. He also paints his nails and wears beautiful jewellery. My brother doesn't give a s**t what people say, he just is who he is and people flock to him because of it. He also LOVES pink and wears his pink work out suit to yoga class. I love my brother so much. I wish I could be more like him.
Oh... and his full-time job is working at a major Australian make-up brand mixing the formulas for existing and upcoming products. 'Masculinity' does NOT have to be toxic... and my brother shows that to me everyday. 'Toxic masculinity' hurts women and men and needs to stop.
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Really glad to see this is getting more and more awareness. I’ve seen this affect both my partner and little son multiple times. It is very early days, as for the women’s movement it took many decades to improve women’s lives but we’ve only Very recently started talking about men’s issues. But I believe we’ll get there eventually!
My dad used to tell us to "man up". We were girls. We were then scolded for being tomboyish, etc. Frankly, don't man up. PERSON UP. :-)
I work at a university (administration), and I've heard students suspecting me of being gay just because I am always doing my best to be polite and helpful. They are so used to people in admin being rude and condescending all the time that politeness seems like an anomaly to them.
You may not be aware, but feminism and femininity are two completely different things.
Load More Replies... I know this gets said every time, but I still think it bears repeating. “Toxic masculinity” does not mean that being masculine is toxic. It means that in our culture there are certain specific traits that are pushed as being masculine but that are actually harmful to both men and women.
Please do keep repeating that!!! We all need to be reminded so thank you.
Load More Replies... "Toxic Masculinity" is not the only issue shown in this post. Homophobia and sexism are also there.... we need to show all these issues more and do more about them to achieve equality.
My husband loves cuddles and kisses more than me..He is cuddly and sweet with our two kids and he is raising them in a very sensible way.. in our house it's me who does all carpentry works and repair jobs because my father taught me these things even if I'm a woman...my husband lets me doing all these things not because he's less masculine but because he knows I love it more than him ..we think that all these stereotypes are really really harmful..
My dad taught my sister and I (also female) how to repare or DIY'ed many things, because everyone should know how to do some basic work around the house. When we left home, he gifted each one of us a big tool box and I have used it a lot and bought more tools.
Load More Replies... Yes. We should get rid of gender altogether. The only moment where sex is relevant is in sexual situations and in the doctor. For the rest we do not need to know so gender is useless. Also a toxic idea (as we saw in this post).
Load More Replies... I worked in a company where 70% are females.I was daily harassed by a female coworker.She snitched every little mistake i made to my boss,she manipulated others against me and she made me doing her work.I had a really good paying job.I told my boss and he was like "yeah we will talk to her" and the situation never got better.Because the company was mostly female i had no chance to "survive".The worst thing is that i had a really good paying job and i had to quit.This happened 6 years ago and now i am almost broke.I had to do the worst jobs becuase others wouldn't hire me becuase everyone is asking why i quit such a job.Whatever i say it is the wrong answer in interviews because "you just can't quit such a job".I never recovered and my life is hell to the point where i thought about suicide.Therapy,medication,working out and eating healthy didn't help.
I’m so sorry you went through that. The effects of toxic people can last years. You had to quit your job due to a health (mental health) problem. No interviewer should ask more information. Many communities have low cost mental health clinics. I hope you give therapy another try. Sometimes talking to the right person can make all the difference.
Load More Replies... I can think of a few my dad did. One, he'd ask how I'm doing. I'd say "pretty good". He'd say "I don't know about this "pretty" thing. I think it was meant to be a joke, but it just came off as stupid. His views on Trans people were particularly disconcerting. I went with him when he met some of his biological family. One of his cousin had a trans girlfriend or something. He commented something along the lines of "men who do that are mutilating themselves". This one I'm not sure if it's toxic or just terrible, but growing up; especially as I got close to adulthood, he would say "If we were ever to be in a fight, I'd win. You know why. You'd hesitate thinking "I can't hit him. He's my father." I however would not have that". I always thought " gee. I Feel loved". My own father wouldn't hesitate in hitting his son.
There is only about 3 things, if not less, that apply to only one gender. Almost nothing should be categorized under one gender. BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE, NOT WHO OTHERS WANT YOU TO BE!!!
You are allowed to have emotion you are alowed to get help you are allowed to not enjoy sports you are allowed to be kind you are allowed to not want to f**k every girl you see! It does NOT make you gay (even though its 100% ok to be gay) you do you and don't worry about the world stupid gender roles!
This post was needed. Toxic masculinity is rife and often (as proven in this thread) is scoffed at and has a limited voice to speak out against it. It's a cog in the gears of toxic identity culture: stand up for yourself/another gender, or even race or religion (not to get sidetracked btw), standing up like that is shot down. The more we can support each other and listen, without "not all's" and "but your gender does it too's" the more we drain the misery out of our society. I know reading this thread and comments has given me some more insight into what I need to be aware of in my behaviour so as not to prop this toxic s**t up
When I was growing up, I looked a lot like a girl and hangout a lot with my mom and her friends when my dad was being a raging bastard. So it included hair salons and madi-pedis. No one really bothered me in primary school because I was tall. In high school, it's a different story. But I got so used to the walloping by dad dishes out, I can handle myself pretty well. So when I finally had enough of their crap I sent two guys to the hospital. I spent a week there as well with a concussion and bone fractures taking on five of them. But after that, no one bothered me so there is that.
Raising my #bigmiddlefinger to those #dumbarseh0lesdumbfvcks who do not read between the lines. You are so genuinely stoopid to even read anything on The Net. Chaíto, richardeds.
When I was a kid (back in the 70s), it was made clear to me that boys "aren't supposed" to feel sad, or shy, or insecure, or worried, etc etc etc. However, it WAS okay for boys to be angry (that was considered "manly"), and so every negative emotion I had came out as anger, and I STILL struggle with that.
This is less powerful considering Bored Panda JUST RAN AN ARTICLE ABOUT MEN BEING BAD
No, its part of the same problem. Just because one gender experiences toxicity doesn't preclude any other gender from getting toxic treatment. I explained it better in my post, but the knee jerk 'you do it too' is actually part of the toxicity, and holds us back
Load More Replies... I'm a superintendent in a large distribution center for a large international company. The place is unionized, which naturally means I need to be tough and thick skinned. I am these things, but I can also be compassionate with my employees. Upper management treats our unionized employees more as objects than as people, and they do not care at all. They expect me, as a male manager, to have the same lack of compassion for the employees. Funnily, they do not have the same expectations for my female counterparts, and understand when they can be caring towards employees.
I love how as soon as I saw this I went on another website and saw a positive masculinity post lol
Toxic Masculinity literally broke me physically and mentally. It was a hell that took forever to dig myself out of, my ankle is forever destroyed because of it, and I'm still dealing with the mental health ramifications of it. It was only after I began the long climb out of that hole, that I decided to to say screw it and not worry about living up to whatever society's idea of being a man was. A lot less stressful that way.
I used to follow my Dad around when I was a kid, watching when he would do little repair jobs around the house. I think I have more power tools than either of my brothers combined. My main chore was washing dishes, while my brother's was mowing the lawn. Just because I was a girl. I hated having to wash dishes every night, and pretty sure my brother hated mowing the lawn.
Toxic masculinity mentally and emotionally crippled whole generations of men, it's so sad. I always told my son, if you need to cry, then cry- it's okay..
Toxic masculinity is horribly limiting to men and dangerous to both men and women.
To talk with a woman or a girl online while the other guys are thinking i flert.
This is a fu*ked up world, completely upside down and first thing we need is to change the way we think, let all the toxic sh*t go and start to respect the REAL individuality of every being!
My brother is one of the most 'masculine' men I have ever met. He stands 6' 2", is built like a brick shithouse and is the most typically bogan guy I have ever met (Yes, I'm Australian). You know who he looks up to and admires, who he uses as inspiration, who we wishes he could be more like, who he hopes to meet one day? Amanda Nunes, the MMA fighter and Dolly bloody Parton. He also paints his nails and wears beautiful jewellery. My brother doesn't give a s**t what people say, he just is who he is and people flock to him because of it. He also LOVES pink and wears his pink work out suit to yoga class. I love my brother so much. I wish I could be more like him.
Oh... and his full-time job is working at a major Australian make-up brand mixing the formulas for existing and upcoming products. 'Masculinity' does NOT have to be toxic... and my brother shows that to me everyday. 'Toxic masculinity' hurts women and men and needs to stop.
Load More Replies... Really glad to see this is getting more and more awareness. I’ve seen this affect both my partner and little son multiple times. It is very early days, as for the women’s movement it took many decades to improve women’s lives but we’ve only Very recently started talking about men’s issues. But I believe we’ll get there eventually!
My dad used to tell us to "man up". We were girls. We were then scolded for being tomboyish, etc. Frankly, don't man up. PERSON UP. :-)
I work at a university (administration), and I've heard students suspecting me of being gay just because I am always doing my best to be polite and helpful. They are so used to people in admin being rude and condescending all the time that politeness seems like an anomaly to them.
You may not be aware, but feminism and femininity are two completely different things.
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