Powerful Comic Reveals The Unspoken Struggles Men Face Almost Everyday And Are Too Afraid To Speak About
Ilona BoredPanda staff
The buzz phrase ‘toxic masculinity’ has lost much of its original meaning over time. It has been misunderstood and overused to the point that any debate on the topic usually gets hijacked by angry incels and feminists, with any thoughtful, nuanced discussion buried amidst the fury.
Australian artist Luke Humphris, who describes himself as a “creator of autobiographical comics about my rubbish life,” has a deeply painful personal experience of the damage that toxic masculinity can cause, and has made a moving and eye-opening comic about it. Australia has, particularly in rural areas, a hyper-masculine culture that can discourage guys from opening up and speaking honestly with other about their issues and needs, although organizations like Men’s Shed are doing a great deal to change this. Luke now lives in Toronto, Canada, having chosen to do what many young Aussies do and go out to explore the world. “It’s not that I am escaping Australia, I just like the cold and big cities,” he explained to Bored Panda. “I am older and I do find that I am able to express myself without the same social restraints as when I was younger, but some stuff does linger and I try to be mindful of it. Most people probably find that as well as they get older. I still catch myself doing my part to put these negative expectations on friends and peers, so again, I try to be mindful about that as well.”
“It’s cool to see a lot of people sharing the comic, it makes me happy that people are referencing it as a learning tool, which was the point of it. There are people who disagree with it for a bunch of reasons, and that’s fine. Some say that it is sexist to call masculinity toxic. It’s like, come on dude, one of the points of the comic is that masculinity is not toxic, this comic is made for you!”
“The good feedback seriously outweighs the negative though.”
The comics are a cool hobby for this talented artist, who has a day job and uses them to express himself when he feels like it. But would he like to take it up as a profession? “It would be nice to get there one day, but I don’t want to put too much pressure on it,” he told us. “I can make whatever I want if I am not dependant on the money, and I like what I am making at the moment. It would be nice not to have to worry about rent though!”
Luke, through his comic, presents ‘toxic masculinity’ not as masculine traits being inherently harmful, nor as women trying to ‘feminize’ men out of existence, as the extremes in the debate often portray it. He sees it as the backward attitudes that limit the ways that so-called ‘real men’ can express themselves, stifling frank discussion about important issues while promoting an outwards show of silent ‘strength.’
Scroll down below to be reminded of the true, insidious nature of toxic masculinity, and let us know what you think in the comments.
People had a lot to say about the moving and eye-opening comic
Also women can be physically abusive in a relationship too. Guys, if a girl ever hits you, dump her. You don't have to endure physical abuse just because some people think it's "humiliating" to be abused by a woman.
A male friend stayed in a relationship like this because "She hits me when she gets mad but it doesn't hurt. She's not strong enough to hurt me..Is this still abuse?" Yeah boy. Luckily he got out of there.
My brother's ex girlfriend did this too. I believe it did actually hurt him though. Either way... it's not right.
Not just physical violence too. Women can be more controlling than men. Remember those articles that crop up now and again, the guy going on holiday and his girlfriend makes a list of what he can and can't do? Or makes him wear a shirt with her face on it? Everyone laughs, but she is an abuser. If your girlfriend tells you who you can and can't hang out with, has to give you permission before you go out or do something, tells you what you can and can't spend your money on... that's abuse.
If one person gives all the orders, allows no negotiation, no consideration of the partner's preferences, no compromise, that's abuse. My sister and I have our bossy moments, as do our husbands, but it's usually in the spirit of solving a problem (budgeting when money is tight, for example). I don't see the appeal of being a control freak. Too much stress and too much work.
That doesn’t make them more controlling than men, it’s just an example of control. Much of the world’s 3billion female population is living under state sanctioned male control, unable to make their own marital, educational, economic, travel, political, religious, reproductive decisions. Many have to grapple with stalking, bullying, extreme domestic and sexual violence that puts them in hospital and kills two every week with the law providing mitigation. A woman might be more controlling than a man in a given relationship, but taken as a whole, there is literally no equivalence.
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Yes, this. Thinking about all the metoo stuff at the moment - the most common horrible and vile things that men do to women are normally illegal as they normally involve some kind of violence and physical harm - a Harvey Weinstein can be prosecuted; but the most common horrible and vile things that us women do to men are not illegal, cannot be prosecuted as they leave very little physical trace - women can be experts at destroying the soul through manipulation, control, ridicule, exclusion, depriving access to kids, lying. Yes, these may be skills we have developed to survive the more physically dominant men, but these skills are no less vile.
Hypocrisy man. A boy hits a girl, people condemn the boy. A boy gets hit by a girl, people make fun of the boy. That's usually the case
True, but it depends on culture. I've heard some "jokes" depicting violence towards women as funny and people actually laughing at that, while I try to understand where's the funny part. I mean, I can take dark humor, but those were just plain stupid. Much like 99% of racist jokes, really. Some people really do believe a man has to punch a woman to "teach" her. Such a barbarian mentality. Just don't punch ANYONE. Full stop.
Men aren't always condemned for being abusive either. I'm a social worker and so many times I've heard stories where people have told abused women like "you just need to love him, he's not actually evil he's just going through tough times, he didn't mean to hit you" etc
Or people think it's cute or funny when a girl hits a guy. It's not cute or funny.
That’s what happened to my uncle. He and his wife have two children (they have divorced just recently, but should of years ago) and his wife is a terrible person. I’m not exaggerating this. She would hit people such as my grandmother, my aunt and her husband when something didn’t go her way. She is a horrible, greedy person. If someone treats you in a questionable manner, do not question it. Talk to people. IT DOESN’T MATTER ABOUT PEOPLE GENDER; STREOTYPES SUCK! WE ARE ALL PEOPLE, EMOTIONAL MESSES IS WHAT WE SPECIALISE IN! This is an absolutely wonderful story, not enough people get this, it’s seriously expections vs reality.
I would just hit back.Play stupid games,win stupid prizes.
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
The problem with this solution is that when the cops show up, it's the man that will be arrested every time. He will be labeled a woman beater, and lose quite a few friends. Society all too often gives abusive women a pass.
I woke up to one night getting pummeled in the face while sleeping. Having to fight off my girlfriend because she was mad again. Swing at me again. She wouldn't stop coming at me so I snapped finally. Guess who went to jail with a black eye, bruises, and scratch marks, then had the next two years of his life having to leave every event when she showed up uninvited just to ruin my day. I was trapped due to rent, taking abuse from her, watching her break my shit, having her force me to move back in while there was still a restraining order or she would call the cops on me, because guess what, even if I was 100 miles away, she can claim I harassed her at a bar that night, I would get arrested for violating by default, then I had to prove I didn't. So I became a prisoner. It was cheaper and easier. Now a days I cant wait to see her again, and only pray she fucks up, so she can see what it felt like. She ruined my life for 4 years and I'm never dating again. So maybe longer then 4 years.
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if she ever hits me, i'll hit her back. Just once. She will not be able to attack me ever again.
Idiot.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Lol as if any woman has the strength to hurt a man?
Every human has weak spots. No strength needed to seriously hurt somebody if that's your intention. Also, tools. The kitchen is filled with tools.
so, since some don't have the capability of hurting with just their bare hands, it makes it okay? Emotional implications have an impact as well, off yourself
Yeah. I do.
I want to thank the author for sharing this.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
I don't. That shit was misleading.
This is absolutely true, patriarchal society and toxic masculinity are really harmful for men. Men should be allowed to cry and talk openly about their feelings and seek help for mental health issues instead of just being told to "man up". They should be allowed to have whatever hobbies and profession they choose without being ridiculed for it. The same way women are bombarded with toxic ideals, men are as well and it's important to acknowledge and normalise their struggles so it won't become as big of a taboo for them to seek help when necessary.
Michal Jastrzebski, I believe you have totally misunderstood both the post, and Kaisu's comment. The first thing this post said, was that "toxic masculinity" was NOT NOT NOT saying that "masculinity" was toxic. It was discussing the toxic expectations that *can* come with a limited notion of what "masculine" means. No-one is saying that "all men" do anything in this post, let alone referencing rape. And to that matter, just as not "all" men rape, not "all" negativity towards men is from "feminists" as a whole. If you read Kaisu's comment, they were saying that men SHOULD be allowed to ask for help... there was NO mention of "how" that help should be given, or that the help should follow any societal pre-requisites. And to say that woman have "zero right of say", is intentionally *excluding* a whole range of support and help that can and is offered, by those who love the men in their lives - which, ironically, is exactly what the "toxic" side of masculinity does :(
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How about starting with not conflating "masculinity" with "toxic", stopping "all men rape" feminist bullshit, and letting us do whats best for us? Or possibly stop treating male mental health problems in a way that is best for society instead of the patient? If you are a woman, you have exactly zero right of say in the matter anyway - its not your business.
This post is wrong in so many ways. The language used here is a language of black-and-white mentality, where women’s actual, real and living proof of being abused and violated is reduced to a “feminist” hateful discourse trope. You do realise that kind of language attempts to blur, denigrate, and muffle despair and pain, don’t you? What about those women who do not identify as “feminists”, but who were raped or abused and want to talk about it? How self-righteous on your part to assume that such voices have no merit and are worthless. Plus, dude, you are in no position to tell any woman they have “zero rights” in anything, especially here. Hate and violence concerns us all, we live next to one another, for f...’s sake.
Also women can be physically abusive in a relationship too. Guys, if a girl ever hits you, dump her. You don't have to endure physical abuse just because some people think it's "humiliating" to be abused by a woman.
A male friend stayed in a relationship like this because "She hits me when she gets mad but it doesn't hurt. She's not strong enough to hurt me..Is this still abuse?" Yeah boy. Luckily he got out of there.
My brother's ex girlfriend did this too. I believe it did actually hurt him though. Either way... it's not right.
Not just physical violence too. Women can be more controlling than men. Remember those articles that crop up now and again, the guy going on holiday and his girlfriend makes a list of what he can and can't do? Or makes him wear a shirt with her face on it? Everyone laughs, but she is an abuser. If your girlfriend tells you who you can and can't hang out with, has to give you permission before you go out or do something, tells you what you can and can't spend your money on... that's abuse.
If one person gives all the orders, allows no negotiation, no consideration of the partner's preferences, no compromise, that's abuse. My sister and I have our bossy moments, as do our husbands, but it's usually in the spirit of solving a problem (budgeting when money is tight, for example). I don't see the appeal of being a control freak. Too much stress and too much work.
That doesn’t make them more controlling than men, it’s just an example of control. Much of the world’s 3billion female population is living under state sanctioned male control, unable to make their own marital, educational, economic, travel, political, religious, reproductive decisions. Many have to grapple with stalking, bullying, extreme domestic and sexual violence that puts them in hospital and kills two every week with the law providing mitigation. A woman might be more controlling than a man in a given relationship, but taken as a whole, there is literally no equivalence.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Yes, this. Thinking about all the metoo stuff at the moment - the most common horrible and vile things that men do to women are normally illegal as they normally involve some kind of violence and physical harm - a Harvey Weinstein can be prosecuted; but the most common horrible and vile things that us women do to men are not illegal, cannot be prosecuted as they leave very little physical trace - women can be experts at destroying the soul through manipulation, control, ridicule, exclusion, depriving access to kids, lying. Yes, these may be skills we have developed to survive the more physically dominant men, but these skills are no less vile.
Hypocrisy man. A boy hits a girl, people condemn the boy. A boy gets hit by a girl, people make fun of the boy. That's usually the case
True, but it depends on culture. I've heard some "jokes" depicting violence towards women as funny and people actually laughing at that, while I try to understand where's the funny part. I mean, I can take dark humor, but those were just plain stupid. Much like 99% of racist jokes, really. Some people really do believe a man has to punch a woman to "teach" her. Such a barbarian mentality. Just don't punch ANYONE. Full stop.
Men aren't always condemned for being abusive either. I'm a social worker and so many times I've heard stories where people have told abused women like "you just need to love him, he's not actually evil he's just going through tough times, he didn't mean to hit you" etc
Or people think it's cute or funny when a girl hits a guy. It's not cute or funny.
That’s what happened to my uncle. He and his wife have two children (they have divorced just recently, but should of years ago) and his wife is a terrible person. I’m not exaggerating this. She would hit people such as my grandmother, my aunt and her husband when something didn’t go her way. She is a horrible, greedy person. If someone treats you in a questionable manner, do not question it. Talk to people. IT DOESN’T MATTER ABOUT PEOPLE GENDER; STREOTYPES SUCK! WE ARE ALL PEOPLE, EMOTIONAL MESSES IS WHAT WE SPECIALISE IN! This is an absolutely wonderful story, not enough people get this, it’s seriously expections vs reality.
I would just hit back.Play stupid games,win stupid prizes.
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
The problem with this solution is that when the cops show up, it's the man that will be arrested every time. He will be labeled a woman beater, and lose quite a few friends. Society all too often gives abusive women a pass.
I woke up to one night getting pummeled in the face while sleeping. Having to fight off my girlfriend because she was mad again. Swing at me again. She wouldn't stop coming at me so I snapped finally. Guess who went to jail with a black eye, bruises, and scratch marks, then had the next two years of his life having to leave every event when she showed up uninvited just to ruin my day. I was trapped due to rent, taking abuse from her, watching her break my shit, having her force me to move back in while there was still a restraining order or she would call the cops on me, because guess what, even if I was 100 miles away, she can claim I harassed her at a bar that night, I would get arrested for violating by default, then I had to prove I didn't. So I became a prisoner. It was cheaper and easier. Now a days I cant wait to see her again, and only pray she fucks up, so she can see what it felt like. She ruined my life for 4 years and I'm never dating again. So maybe longer then 4 years.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
if she ever hits me, i'll hit her back. Just once. She will not be able to attack me ever again.
Idiot.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Lol as if any woman has the strength to hurt a man?
Every human has weak spots. No strength needed to seriously hurt somebody if that's your intention. Also, tools. The kitchen is filled with tools.
so, since some don't have the capability of hurting with just their bare hands, it makes it okay? Emotional implications have an impact as well, off yourself
Yeah. I do.
I want to thank the author for sharing this.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
I don't. That shit was misleading.
This is absolutely true, patriarchal society and toxic masculinity are really harmful for men. Men should be allowed to cry and talk openly about their feelings and seek help for mental health issues instead of just being told to "man up". They should be allowed to have whatever hobbies and profession they choose without being ridiculed for it. The same way women are bombarded with toxic ideals, men are as well and it's important to acknowledge and normalise their struggles so it won't become as big of a taboo for them to seek help when necessary.
Michal Jastrzebski, I believe you have totally misunderstood both the post, and Kaisu's comment. The first thing this post said, was that "toxic masculinity" was NOT NOT NOT saying that "masculinity" was toxic. It was discussing the toxic expectations that *can* come with a limited notion of what "masculine" means. No-one is saying that "all men" do anything in this post, let alone referencing rape. And to that matter, just as not "all" men rape, not "all" negativity towards men is from "feminists" as a whole. If you read Kaisu's comment, they were saying that men SHOULD be allowed to ask for help... there was NO mention of "how" that help should be given, or that the help should follow any societal pre-requisites. And to say that woman have "zero right of say", is intentionally *excluding* a whole range of support and help that can and is offered, by those who love the men in their lives - which, ironically, is exactly what the "toxic" side of masculinity does :(
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
How about starting with not conflating "masculinity" with "toxic", stopping "all men rape" feminist bullshit, and letting us do whats best for us? Or possibly stop treating male mental health problems in a way that is best for society instead of the patient? If you are a woman, you have exactly zero right of say in the matter anyway - its not your business.
This post is wrong in so many ways. The language used here is a language of black-and-white mentality, where women’s actual, real and living proof of being abused and violated is reduced to a “feminist” hateful discourse trope. You do realise that kind of language attempts to blur, denigrate, and muffle despair and pain, don’t you? What about those women who do not identify as “feminists”, but who were raped or abused and want to talk about it? How self-righteous on your part to assume that such voices have no merit and are worthless. Plus, dude, you are in no position to tell any woman they have “zero rights” in anything, especially here. Hate and violence concerns us all, we live next to one another, for f...’s sake.