Married Couple Takes DNA Test, Discovers They’re First Cousins, Confront Family Who Kept It A Secret
Interview With Author
Getting a DNA test is exciting, to say the least. But it’s an excitement that can be interpreted in several ways.
For instance, do you want to learn about your heritage and where you come from? Nice, go get it. Do you, however, accept that there is a non-zero chance that you will also learn something you wish you have never learned at all? You know, a dark family secret like your dad isn’t really your dad, or that you were adopted, or the fact that you have married your first cousin?
Speaking of which, a Redditor recently shared a story of how he ended up figuring the latter out by simply gifting his wife a DNA test kit.
More info: Reddit
While DNA tests are great gifts, they can turn on you and point out that the person you married is actually a cousin or something
Image credits: Vivian Evans (not the actual photo)
Reddit user u/PM_MeMyPassword (with whom Bored Panda got in touch for an interview) recently went to the TIFU, or Today I Effed Up, subreddit with quite a unique story.
So, both OP and his wife grew up in a small town in the South. Both of their families have been living there for quite some time now. Both of these lovely individuals also had previous marriages and 3 kids each from those marriages, and there are no plans for any more now that they are together. Last year OP got his wife an Ancestry DNA kit as a gift. Apparently, she wanted to know more about her European roots, and her sister decided to do the same.
As you might have guessed by this point, the results came in and the test began making connections they didn’t quite expect. Apparently, OP’s wife was genetically related to his mother, oldest son, his uncle… this is where most people in this situation would get a sense of impending doom.
In this case, that is exactly what happened to this man, leading to his now-viral post on the TIFU subreddit
Image credits: u/PM_MeMyPassword
So, they asked the wife’s mother about the relations here, and she started crying and explains that when she was younger, she once overheard someone claim that her father is not who she always thought her dad was. She simply put it out of her mind, convinced herself it was a mere rumor. Turns out, not quite.
OP calls his mom, asks if she ever heard such a rumor, and mom goes quiet. After a brief moment, she confirms that she has heard rumors, and her mother actually thought it was true. His grandpa was known to be a womanizer back then.
So, they follow up the information on 23&Me, a genomics and biotechnology company who do DNA tests, and again they get confirmation that the wife shares a great grandparent with his oldest son.
“More of us are now getting tests on the same platform but it appears a WW2-era secret has come to light,” concluded OP with a joke.
After seeing a number of connections confirmed by the test, OP did some detective work and verified the results with the mothers who also turned out to be half-sisters
Image credits: u/PM_MeMyPassword
OP recalled that, at first, he wanted to tell someone about this whole situation “without telling someone”. Through laughter and posting the story on r/TIFU, he started feeling less weird about it, and the story turned into this huge inside joke.
“[Since then,] some other family members found out. Wife’s mom seems to still be in denial and doesn’t want to talk about it,” added OP. “It’s definitely more common than most people think. It’s more likely in small towns. I don’t think anyone would make a big deal out of our exact situation but would probably frown upon someone who knew ahead of time.
Since the story raised many questions, OP elaborated in further edits, but retaining his sense of humor on the situation
Image credits: u/PM_MeMyPassword
He also gave some updates to the post, like pointing out that his wife was laughing at first, but the reality of it all caught up to her, and that neither he, nor his wife are thinking of changing anything—they are in love and they want to stay that way.
In under a day, the post got 38,000 upvotes and over 30 Reddit awards, including the subreddit’s exclusive TIFU award, and generated over 2,700 comments.
Despite the cultural context, people didn’t pass judgement, and some actually shared their own stories, proving that it’s not that uncommon
Image credits: u/PM_MeMyPassword
In the comments, people shared their own Surprise! We’re related! stories, while others explained that they don’t see anything wrong here—it’s not like they could’ve known. Besides that, one Redditor estimated that if they are first half-cousins, they share around 6 percent of DNA, which is not all that significant if they end up wanting to have kids. If anything, who cares, it’s their decision.
Yet others pointed out that this isn’t all that uncommon, with one person saying that this happens around the world, not just in the South. In other countries, marrying cousins and other relatives was and still is culturally and religiously justified.
Image credits: u/PM_MeMyPassword
OP pointed out that the virality of his post did come as a surprise. Even more so, did not expect Redditors to be so supportive. Besides that, you gotta appreciate all the Alabama jokes and whatnot. “Although, I did get a small number of people accusing me of making it up or running an ad for 23&me. I can assure you that it’s a very real story and still feels weird when I think about it.” added OP.
Lastly, we’ve asked him if he has any advice, given his experience, and he had this to share: “Advice? [Screw] it, [romance] your cousin, but don’t have children together. Keep those trees branching and never speak with a southern accent.”
You can check it all out in the original post here, and we’d also love to hear what you think on the topic in the comment section below.
They dont want to have kids together so its perfectly fine. But genetically 1st cousins are not related enough to be a big issue; it only is if it happens time after time in the same family, then all the members are genetically closer to each other than normally. I would never think about my first cousins in a sexual way because i grew up with them. But i dont even know how my second cousins look like. At some point people are not family anymore.
Yeah there's no reason for this to be weird. They didn't grow up as family so that whole "taboo" thing doesn't apply.
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It could have been a lot worse. There was one couple who found out they were actually twins separated at birth, right after they got married.
Not seeing the problem here? It's a tad unintentionally cringe but otherwise...nbd. This couple didn't cause the cheating; they didn't choose to get together already knowing about the issue; they're not planning to add to the planet's overpopulation; they love each other. It's fine. (And honestly even if they DID decide to have children, those kids would very very probably be just fine - would take several generations of inbreeding for "the Gaunt effect" - HP reference, btw.)
My parents are first cousins. They didn't grow up together but when they got together as adults they very well knew they were cousins. And I'd say both my sister and I turned out quite good... :) There's nothing to worry, related to "kids turning out bad", when it's a one time thing
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When we went to a family reunion in a VERY small town in Southern Ohio, mom warned my sister and me to beware about flirting with ANY of the boys our age - we were in high school - down there. Given the size of the town and the event we were there for, they were either related or dating a distant cousin.
Idk how I feel about this. I guess its perspective. I grew up w my first and second cousins. We were all close so It really would freak me out if I found out my husband was my first cousin.
Well if you didn't know that your husband was your 1st cousins its because you didnt grew up together. So you were complete strangers when you met despite the genetic relation. I grew up super close to my 1st cousins and they family to me. But i dont even know how my 2nd cousins look like, I wouldnt consider them family.
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First-cousins daughter here. I'm healthy and happy and my parents have been married for 46 wonderful years. Live your life and be happy!
While it’s interesting, think 2x about turning over your genetic information to a 3rd party. They can do what they please with it, which is unlikely to be in your best interest.
Well, they didn't know and won't have kids together so no harm biologically or socially really. I would be disgusted for a while I think but eventually get over it as long as we didn't have kids/planned to.
In many countries (exmpl. middle east) some families prefer for their kids to marry distant or even close cousin. This way they are making sure that all inherited valuables are staying within a family. How ever there is a full awareness of bad consequences hereditarily that is why it is strongly encouraged to avoid such a marriage. Some don't care, some - avoiding same blood marriage.
What kind of monster marries his cousin then tells reddit? What a glutton.
My hubby and I have a surname 2 letters different. Won't post it but it's unusual and the spelling is slightly off. Like smith and smithe. Both our dads have the same name with the same way of spelling it. (You can spell it 2 ways) and they lived on the same street. Never knowing one another. I am actually far to scared to do the DNA thing for this reason. We have children all are fit and well. But it really makes me wonder if infact we are related somewhere down the line. Like over time the E in my name got changed to an A and a D added to the end. Type of thing. Also I add I am 10 years older than hubby.
Found out doing my family tree that my paternal grandmother's parents are cousins.
Have a friend that her family did this big annual gathering of all the families in the (small)country she lives in. They called it the Smith Fest (changed the last name). Sometimes they brought friends but it wasn't that common, so one year she found a guy she was dating and both were like hey what are you doing here? She's like, dude my name is literally Smith, what are YOU doing here, and he said they just told him they were going to a family gathering. They found out they were cousins but can't recall how far (weren't 1st tho)
Do not understand the issue, cousins can marry in our country and nobody makes a flame about. Genetic consultation is advised, when the risk of recessive transmission in particular family is higher. Repeat it in subsequent generations is much more worse, but is not forbidden anyway. Also my husbands father is not his biodad; my husband found this out as side effect. His mother never brought to light who the real father was, maybe she does not know... but who cares? Husbands dad is who raised him a was with him from baby age and this is important for us forever.
The good news is, marrying your first cousin and having children with them isn't quite as dangerous from a genetic standpoint as you might think. It's a level of risk roughly the same as a woman over age 40 having a baby, as long as it's a one-off and your ancestors didn't do it over and over as well.
My family found a cousin through 23 and Me. Also, unless there are genetic problems in the family, there is no greater chance of children from close relatives to have genetic problems than strangers. Children between close relatives only concentrate a genetic issue already there, it doesn't create new ones.
It's something the recipient expressed interest in, maybe?
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How is this exclusive to America? I honestly feel that there are other countries that have more problems with this specific issue.
Load More Replies... They dont want to have kids together so its perfectly fine. But genetically 1st cousins are not related enough to be a big issue; it only is if it happens time after time in the same family, then all the members are genetically closer to each other than normally. I would never think about my first cousins in a sexual way because i grew up with them. But i dont even know how my second cousins look like. At some point people are not family anymore.
Yeah there's no reason for this to be weird. They didn't grow up as family so that whole "taboo" thing doesn't apply.
Load More Replies... It could have been a lot worse. There was one couple who found out they were actually twins separated at birth, right after they got married.
Not seeing the problem here? It's a tad unintentionally cringe but otherwise...nbd. This couple didn't cause the cheating; they didn't choose to get together already knowing about the issue; they're not planning to add to the planet's overpopulation; they love each other. It's fine. (And honestly even if they DID decide to have children, those kids would very very probably be just fine - would take several generations of inbreeding for "the Gaunt effect" - HP reference, btw.)
My parents are first cousins. They didn't grow up together but when they got together as adults they very well knew they were cousins. And I'd say both my sister and I turned out quite good... :) There's nothing to worry, related to "kids turning out bad", when it's a one time thing
Load More Replies... When we went to a family reunion in a VERY small town in Southern Ohio, mom warned my sister and me to beware about flirting with ANY of the boys our age - we were in high school - down there. Given the size of the town and the event we were there for, they were either related or dating a distant cousin.
Idk how I feel about this. I guess its perspective. I grew up w my first and second cousins. We were all close so It really would freak me out if I found out my husband was my first cousin.
Well if you didn't know that your husband was your 1st cousins its because you didnt grew up together. So you were complete strangers when you met despite the genetic relation. I grew up super close to my 1st cousins and they family to me. But i dont even know how my 2nd cousins look like, I wouldnt consider them family.
Load More Replies... First-cousins daughter here. I'm healthy and happy and my parents have been married for 46 wonderful years. Live your life and be happy!
While it’s interesting, think 2x about turning over your genetic information to a 3rd party. They can do what they please with it, which is unlikely to be in your best interest.
Well, they didn't know and won't have kids together so no harm biologically or socially really. I would be disgusted for a while I think but eventually get over it as long as we didn't have kids/planned to.
In many countries (exmpl. middle east) some families prefer for their kids to marry distant or even close cousin. This way they are making sure that all inherited valuables are staying within a family. How ever there is a full awareness of bad consequences hereditarily that is why it is strongly encouraged to avoid such a marriage. Some don't care, some - avoiding same blood marriage.
What kind of monster marries his cousin then tells reddit? What a glutton.
My hubby and I have a surname 2 letters different. Won't post it but it's unusual and the spelling is slightly off. Like smith and smithe. Both our dads have the same name with the same way of spelling it. (You can spell it 2 ways) and they lived on the same street. Never knowing one another. I am actually far to scared to do the DNA thing for this reason. We have children all are fit and well. But it really makes me wonder if infact we are related somewhere down the line. Like over time the E in my name got changed to an A and a D added to the end. Type of thing. Also I add I am 10 years older than hubby.
Found out doing my family tree that my paternal grandmother's parents are cousins.
Have a friend that her family did this big annual gathering of all the families in the (small)country she lives in. They called it the Smith Fest (changed the last name). Sometimes they brought friends but it wasn't that common, so one year she found a guy she was dating and both were like hey what are you doing here? She's like, dude my name is literally Smith, what are YOU doing here, and he said they just told him they were going to a family gathering. They found out they were cousins but can't recall how far (weren't 1st tho)
Do not understand the issue, cousins can marry in our country and nobody makes a flame about. Genetic consultation is advised, when the risk of recessive transmission in particular family is higher. Repeat it in subsequent generations is much more worse, but is not forbidden anyway. Also my husbands father is not his biodad; my husband found this out as side effect. His mother never brought to light who the real father was, maybe she does not know... but who cares? Husbands dad is who raised him a was with him from baby age and this is important for us forever.
The good news is, marrying your first cousin and having children with them isn't quite as dangerous from a genetic standpoint as you might think. It's a level of risk roughly the same as a woman over age 40 having a baby, as long as it's a one-off and your ancestors didn't do it over and over as well.
My family found a cousin through 23 and Me. Also, unless there are genetic problems in the family, there is no greater chance of children from close relatives to have genetic problems than strangers. Children between close relatives only concentrate a genetic issue already there, it doesn't create new ones.
It's something the recipient expressed interest in, maybe?
Load More Replies... How is this exclusive to America? I honestly feel that there are other countries that have more problems with this specific issue.
Load More Replies...
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