I believe that most parents and teachers want their kids to succeed. And while we try to equip them with the best tools and information for their future life, there are some things we're teaching that are actually setting them up for failure. Whether by accident or due to a lack of self-awareness and knowledge, we give them these 'lessons' that do more harm than good when they come into practice.
One Reddit user wanted to get more opinions on what we need to stop teaching children, so they asked other users to share their thoughts. And they had some really insightful responses. People called out the toxic ideas that many are still putting into kids' young and impressionable minds, often without giving it a second thought. Society is evolving, and many ideas are already outdated and considered harmful, yet their echoes still come up when it comes to lecturing children.
Over 16k responses later, Bored Panda selected the most eye-opening responses to what we should stop telling children immediately. There are many 'facts' that are just rarely challenged, so let's not forget that even if we made a mistake, there's no shame in admitting and correcting it. Scroll down and upvote your favorite answers, share your thoughts, and if you think of anything that wasn't on this list, please tell us in the comments below!
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Abstinence only sex education. Please teach these kids about contraception and how it works, it’s been proven that comprehensive sex education is way better at preventing teen pregnancies than abstinence only.
Indeed. If the kids are gonna do it we can at least make sure they're doing it safely!
To just ignore bullies. As a former teacher, it does nothing to address the issue. The bullying persists 100% of the time.
Wait. This should have been obvious to me - I've studied education and child development. I spend way too much time with kids. I guess the years of being told "don't react and he won't hurt you" as a child left too much of an impression. I knew they were talking nonsense, but I guess on some level I believed them. Looking at some of my experiences from this perspective - it all makes so much sense. When I was hurt most, and when he did a 180 on his behaviour and left me looking like a liar. The types of bullying. The other bullies I encountered later in my education. The more I "didn't react" the worse they got. It was about their reputation with their friends and the class. I was just an easy target. As long as they could show they had power over someone... I have a lot to think about
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ignoring them did nothing. beating the cr*p out of them solved the issue permanently. they were too ashamed to be defeated by a girl they picked on and thus parents or teachers never got involved
If they get a reaction it just encourages them though
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The problem is when the teachers also ignore the bullies. It was bad enough I was being hit by kids but the teachers just ignored it for the sake of it being some kind of learning experience or how it will 'toughen' us up. I was once doused with lighter fluid and they lit a match. I was dragged into a boys bathroom and got kicked. 2 gym teachers-male and female- used to make bets on students and forced them to fight with field hockey sticks. I had kids follow me home. I got a cigarette burned into my back. I mean... it was crazy. And it affected my life. And 90% of it happened right in front of teachers who ignored it. And if I did try and fight back, I got in trouble. I literally got suspended for 3 days once because a boy was slapping me in the head and I went to hit him back with a ruler and the sharp end sliced his cheek. The teacher who saw it happen grabbed me by the arm and literally dragged me to the principle's office. Teachers need to help these kids.
My teachers actively encouraged children to bully me. One teacher joined in, resulting in broken front tooth - which I had to stay in class with for hours until I passed out in pain. The 80's were not good times to be a child.
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In school, they stand up for themselves and fight back or defend themselves and get suspended or expelled because of bullshît zero tolerance policies. As adults, we are expected to use reasonable force to protect ourselves, yet we severely punish children for doing the same. - Kid in our community was expelled because of a zero tolerance policy. He defended himself from being pummeled once again by his bully. His parents are suing school, teacher, principal, district and playground supervisor for creating a physically unsafe & dangerous environment, party to assault, battery, etc. Many of us have donated $$$ to their legal fees & supported their fundraising efforts. Kids get treated like criminals for defending their basic rights & no matter how vocal they are about being bullied, they’re being punished when those in charge overlook the violence they allow to happen. They deserve to be sued. Fück zero tolerance policies.
As a retired teacher, and as someone who grew up as a fat female, I learned early on how to confront and force them to back down. I hated doing it, and it was a last resort. I only realized decades later that some people can only speak the language of power and control. I took control of the situation, bared my fangs and claws, and every time, every bully backed off and backed down. And I had less than zero respect for them as people, and let them know.
I've always been confused why the bullies never seemed to be punished. Always the victims.
That's exactly what everyone told me but after six years I told someone and it got much better. I'm still in school and I am still getting bullied but not that much and because of telling it to my parents I grown so much stronger in only a couple months. : )
I'm so glad you told someone! I hope things continue to get better for you!
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I ignored my bullies right up until one grabbed me. Then I punched him right in the face in front of all his friends and a teachers aid. The teachers aid didn't say a word to any of us. I suspect she saw the whole thing unfold as it happened and maybe felt I was in the right because she never reported it that I'm aware of. I told my dad and his reply was that's my girl :)
Many times it just gets worse. Personal experience showed me that sometimes a "knuckle sandwich" is all that will get thru a bully's thick skull.
Ignoring is sometimes the way to get out, because the bully will find another target. But do you know the "game" called "one in middle", "the third" or how is it called in your country? Basically, two bullies take something from some guy and pass it over his head, shouting "grab it, grab it, if you want it, catch it"? Well, one day two guys tried that with me. I changed the game, I kneeled down, hugged knees of one of them and raised. He fell, banged his head and the other one dropped my bag and ran away.
Bless you, I hope you can get someone to help you with this. As an introvert I did this too, until one day I snapped and whipped around to face my bully with my fist raised. He was so shocked he fell flat on his a**e and never bothered me again. I was lucky, I didn’t have to resort to violence, just threaten it. My bully was a coward
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The only one I had stopped when I wore out a whiffle ball bat on him. The old kind that was harder.
While I agree, my son is the example of the opposite - his autism (high functioning) makes him paste on a wtf face and not respond - the words are water off duck's back. He no longer gets bullied or teased.
Have to teach them they can get way more confidence from being a leader and helping out the kids they'd otherwise deem weird or unsavoury for whatever reason. Problem is the bully always feels justified and rarely accepts they're behaviour is unacceptable. I have tried so hard to stamp out billing behaviour at my school and it is a lot more complex than a lot of people realise
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I tried ignoring them. Almost earned me a concussion. Good thing I was a sprinter. Ignoring them does this: Irritates them. Now, bully them back, and it can escalate. Orrrr.... they may reconsider. Or, take my strategy, and befriend one of their friends. Don't gotta be besties, just friends enough to not be a target.
It varies I think. For me I ignored them and they got bored and left me alone, yet a friend told me about bullies who kept picking on him even when he ignored them. I think you should start at ignoring and increase the amount of force necessary to protect yourself but don’t jump strait to beating the c**p out of someone right away.
My father would tell me to ignore the bullies and they would respect me and leave me alone. Ah, did not happen that way.
I thank God I went to school back when it was okay to beat up your bully. Not only didn't get in trouble, a teacher who watched it pulled me aside and said he had it coming. The 'bully' was never my bully again. He even made attempts at being my friend. I wasn't interested but at least he never bothered me again. Plus I think it had a ripple effect. Nobody else bothered me either. TLDR: I tried ignoring my bully. He just got worse. I kicked his a*s. He stopped.
Bullies COUNT on people 'turning the other cheek', because it means there are no consquences for their actions.
Unfortunately in my experience, whenever I was bullied, I'd always go to a teacher, and most of the time they would do absolutely nothing. Even when they witnessed it. The worst was how much worse some other students had it. =/
My mom enrolled me in boxing lessons in 7th grade. Six months later no one bullied me anymore.
Yes. The hope here (for the victim) is that the bully gets bored and finds another victim. Whether they do or not the problem to be addressed is the bully, and that problem is never addressed. This policy is many teachers’ way of saying “this problem is too difficult for me to deal with, go away and stop bothering me”
That's a really bad advice, breaking a few bones in self defense solved the problem for me though.
My daughter didn't ignore them, but exposed them. The school decided to have a conversation with all kids involved. In the end, they believed the bully's parents story where they told the teacher that the victims were just seeking attention. Now the bully's mom decided to bully my wife. Exposing doesn't always work, especially if the school decides to believe the bully.
The educational systems across the US tend to teach children two appropriate responses: ignore the bullying or seek out the help of a trusted adult. Standing up to the bullying and doing everything else one can to protect himself or herself within reason is also important to teach, imo.
I think what should be written here is "There is ALWAYS going to be someone who is going to be a bully - you need to accept that and do the best you can to acknowledge this". Throughout my life I've met COUNTLESS, for a polite a word, 'animals' who just want to be make other's lives worse. They purposely go out of their way to be d***s. It's what they do. From the school yard bully to the drunk sat in the pub spouting off about he doesn't have to work - they are all the same, wanting a reaction. The best thing to do is nothing - unless they do someone to you SPECIFICALLY. We do live in a civilized world afterall. Speak to a teacher, go to the police etc. But as I say to my kids, if you spend your life wasting your time with all the idiots you meet you'll never have any time for yourself...
Report it (if there is somewhere to do so). If that doesn't work make stand - somewhere in public so the bully can't bring in his mates and lose face. Fight back - go for stomach and other soft areas. Do not cause bruises. It worked for me in year 6. I got beaten to a pulp, but hey I never got picked on again. No gain without pain, I guess.
Depends on the kind of bullies. The savage ones will never stop until they have a good reason to do it. I was 'fortunate' to be bullied by bored, entitled, stupid children (mostly girls), not really bad ones but always harrassing, talking bad, lying, that kind of stuff. When I cried, they won. Then I began to look at them, listen to their c**p and answer 'yeah, so what?' in a detached manner, they stopped and tried to become friends with me. I just started ignoring them at this point and made friends with all their victims to make them stop, and it worked.
“Stranger Danger” it has some decent basic principles about safety, but the unfortunate truth is we need to teach children how to detect if adults in their life are treating them inappropriately just as much as strangers
Yup. Especially from people who are around your children the most. Family members and friends!
That play ends when you reach adulthood. Play is important, even when we're grown.
Stop teaching kids *what to think*, and start teaching them *how to think.*
That failure is something to be ashamed of and to avoid at all costs. We all fail sometimes and we need to be able to accept that.
If he’s mean to you, he likes you
It's closely linked to boys will be boys, suggesting that women and girls should excuse bad behaviour because it's somehow their fault that men and boys aren't able to control themselves around women.
That you are only successful and happy with a college degree, married, and have children.
Hmm yes that degree that has no job prospects, kids that you can't afford and a marriage where you barely see each other coz you have 6 jobs between you to feed those darn kids. Yes success!!!
That you have to give relatives a hug or kiss if they ask for one.
I had a rule that my daughter had to greet guests and say goodbye, however she got to choose how that happened. Some people she hugged, others she gave a high five and some she just spoke. You can teach a child the importance of manners without making them give up their bodily autonomy. They need to learn that physical contact is a two yes, one no concept and the importance of consent.
You can get what you want if you’re nice.
It teaches children how to be manipulative & dishonest.
Instead, teach them to handle “No”.
Too many people grow up and get offended at being told “No”.
Teachers & Parents want their children to learn how to ask for things in a polite way - but not how to handle rejection.
My brother teaches children and he will actively tell kids “No” and encourage them to find alternative solutions that don’t infringe on someone’s decision.
Family is everything. No sometimes their trash and need to be let go of.
Folks need to understand that all people can suck. Mothers, fathers, doctors, etc. Your title doesn't make you exempt from screwing up or being a bad human.
that there are ‘things for girls’ and ‘things for boys’
(like colors, toys, etc)
I’m still bitter that I wasn’t allowed to be the football goalie in reception. Reasoning was that “the boys will be too rough and may hurt you, and we don’t want to hurt your pretty face” that teacher was pretty sexist and infantilising towards the girl constantly
That it's acceptable to use devices in public loudly without headphones
That ugly = bad/evil. I partially blame TV animation for this one though. This often makes kids fear elderly people and make unfair connections between appearance and personality.
We need to redefine "ugly". Villians used to often have bown/dark hair, for instance. As a kid I remember hating the fact that all the evil girls had dark hair. I wasn't evil - and I knew plenty of lighter haired girls that were.
I don’t believe in forced apologies. They’re not legitimate apologies and the other child knows this. I also don’t feel adults should force children to accept an apology. Forced apologies and acceptances don’t have any benefits.
I am a 3rd grade teacher. My students know I won’t force an apology. Instead, I speak to the students about their choices and how it made others feel. I’ve found that, once students realize what they did, they do apologize on their own and the other student does accept it because they know the apology is sincere. Often times, students will even try to resolve the issue on their own. It’s common for students to ask me if they could speak alone in the hallway. They then return proudly stating that they resolved their issue.
Obviously, if something is not resolving itself, I’ll continue to help students through it. I will also step in for more significant disagreements. However, I’ve found that students are able to resolve issues an overwhelming majority of times. However, they are never truly resolved with forced apologies and acceptances of forced apologies because the underlying issue is still there.
That girls are weak or too emotional (I.e. crying like a girl or don’t be a p*ssy)
The vernacular needs to change. P*ssies can push a child out - they're STRONG. Male anatomy, however? One tap and they're out. So why does everything female mean weak ..? Or "daddy issues" - that means the MEN in a girl's family FAILED her, and yet it's a term used to demean the female victim?
Gender stereotypes.
My son asked me why he didnt have pretty dresses like me. I couldn’t answer his question, i asked him if he wanted to wear dresses like me. He said yes and i sew him one. He’s so happy!
That Santa gives presents to "good" kids. When rich kids get a bunch of Christmas presents and poor kids don't, we're basically telling children that it is because the poor kids are bad and the rich kids are good.
Just tell your kids that the rich people cheat and their parents bought the presents and hid the coal Santa gave them
“Please” isn’t a magic word. It often won’t get you want you want.
“I’m sorry” doesn’t erase a wrong and is only one small part of an apology, which the wronged party is not obligated to accept.
To push down their feelings and never cry. You don’t heal unless you work through your emotions. Support them, don’t scold.
Can attest to the 'never heal' part. I was screamed at and slapped for crying. I just can't let go anymore. I still cry, but I am not able to let truly go anymore.
Boys dont cry
They have to finish their plates, or they're being wasteful.
That the size of your body (height included) is any measure of your worth.
You know what they say? Big nose, big feet, big hands...........................................one funny looking fella
kids learn by watching us. whatever we want kids to do or not do starts with grown-ups addressing our own hang-ups. full stop.
“Do what I say and not what I do” is very confusing to a small child
To accept collective punishment. Whomever did something to get in trouble for is who gets the punishment.
So many teachers do this to kids and it just breeds resentment for both the teacher and the kid who keeps getting the whole class in trouble.
I dont want my kids to be prepared to accept this as adults, and just deal with it from the govt, society, their employer, etc.
As a teacher, I'm always amused by the things people think we teach kids. "Stop teaching ______!"
You know what I spent significant time teaching this year? That soiled toilet paper goes in the toilet. That you can control how loudly you burp. That you have to charge a laptop computer for more than a minute to fill the battery.
Then you get the, "Why don't schools teach kids how to do taxes?" Yeah, kids love taxes. We couldn't get middle school kids to stop playing Fortnite long enough to focus on "The Human Body" unit for a week.
I'm just amused by all the things people think happen in schools.
And of course there is the notion that parents can teach kids, too. That's what we're doing with our son. If there's something important he needs to know, we're teaching it to him.
That you need to be friends with everyone.
Note: this post originally had 34 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Emotional intelligence should be taught as well. Learning to identify one's emotions, what caused them, how those emotions are making us think/behave. Of course, exceptions have to made for neurodivergent people but they can still learn this. It just takes longer.
I find the neurodivergent kids tend to feel intense emotions and often are concerned about how the other party is feeling. The other neurodivergent students will pick up on these feelings and start to get unsettled too. These kids feel
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As a mom, bullies exsist. And my children are trained to fight back. It's not okay for your son to push my daughter on the play ground. There for if it happens, she's allowed to punch your kid in the face. I really could care less what others think of this, but I will not raise my kids how I was raised. I didn't defend myself and was picked on till I became sucidiical at 8 years old. Finally one day I had enough and busted a kids nose with my back pack for touching my hair unsolicited and he treated me with suck distan I cringed hearing his name at roll call. Cory, your an a*****e, I didn't deserve to have my hair threatened to be chopped off cause your parents didn't raise you properly. I hope my daughter kicks your kids a*s too if it comes down to it. (Ltr, I had a bully who made me want to kill myself, I fought back and I will support my kids doing the same)
i was never a terrible person or in any way a bad role model. but, after i had a child i became very aware of how i was mirror to him. i made sure that i practiced what i preached when i taught him things including the fact that parents are not always right and that there isn't a parent manual to follow. ended up having kids that would think about their actions when they got in trouble and/or before they acted. nope - not perfect kids as i had plenty of anxiety attacks about some of their antics. but we all survived until adulthood and they are good human beings, sometimes to a fault.
"No religion in public schools" FTW, but it needs to go further. No religion to be taught, full stop. If people grow up and decide they need to offload responsibility to a big, beardy sky-man or that they can't live without imaginary friends, then by that stage they're a lost cause. Don't pickle their minds from the start, though.
That‘s a bit … mean. Religion has been around for thousends of years. I don‘t mind it if it is practiced in a quiet, non confrontational way. I just mind my kids being „brainwashed“ into it at school….
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Consequences. YOU bear the responsibility of your actions no matter if the outcome is positive or negative. YOU made a choice. YOU reap the rewards or suffer the consequences. I taught my boys this and I live by this. Perspective is everything. Wanna understand why someone reacts the way they do? Want to prevent an unnecessary argument? Want to be more compassionate, more empathic? Look at things thru their eyes. Don't see their situation thru your eyes, see it thru theirs. Teach this to young people and you will raise adults who respect the both the world and themselves.
I'd love to sit down with my school bullies and ask them what was going on in their lives back then. Everyone has a story behind their behaviour.
Also thing like: Mother points at person in wheelchair: "This will happen to you, if you don't eat broccoli!"
Emotional intelligence should be taught as well. Learning to identify one's emotions, what caused them, how those emotions are making us think/behave. Of course, exceptions have to made for neurodivergent people but they can still learn this. It just takes longer.
I find the neurodivergent kids tend to feel intense emotions and often are concerned about how the other party is feeling. The other neurodivergent students will pick up on these feelings and start to get unsettled too. These kids feel
Load More Replies... As a mom, bullies exsist. And my children are trained to fight back. It's not okay for your son to push my daughter on the play ground. There for if it happens, she's allowed to punch your kid in the face. I really could care less what others think of this, but I will not raise my kids how I was raised. I didn't defend myself and was picked on till I became sucidiical at 8 years old. Finally one day I had enough and busted a kids nose with my back pack for touching my hair unsolicited and he treated me with suck distan I cringed hearing his name at roll call. Cory, your an a*****e, I didn't deserve to have my hair threatened to be chopped off cause your parents didn't raise you properly. I hope my daughter kicks your kids a*s too if it comes down to it. (Ltr, I had a bully who made me want to kill myself, I fought back and I will support my kids doing the same)
i was never a terrible person or in any way a bad role model. but, after i had a child i became very aware of how i was mirror to him. i made sure that i practiced what i preached when i taught him things including the fact that parents are not always right and that there isn't a parent manual to follow. ended up having kids that would think about their actions when they got in trouble and/or before they acted. nope - not perfect kids as i had plenty of anxiety attacks about some of their antics. but we all survived until adulthood and they are good human beings, sometimes to a fault.
"No religion in public schools" FTW, but it needs to go further. No religion to be taught, full stop. If people grow up and decide they need to offload responsibility to a big, beardy sky-man or that they can't live without imaginary friends, then by that stage they're a lost cause. Don't pickle their minds from the start, though.
That‘s a bit … mean. Religion has been around for thousends of years. I don‘t mind it if it is practiced in a quiet, non confrontational way. I just mind my kids being „brainwashed“ into it at school….
Load More Replies... Consequences. YOU bear the responsibility of your actions no matter if the outcome is positive or negative. YOU made a choice. YOU reap the rewards or suffer the consequences. I taught my boys this and I live by this. Perspective is everything. Wanna understand why someone reacts the way they do? Want to prevent an unnecessary argument? Want to be more compassionate, more empathic? Look at things thru their eyes. Don't see their situation thru your eyes, see it thru theirs. Teach this to young people and you will raise adults who respect the both the world and themselves.
I'd love to sit down with my school bullies and ask them what was going on in their lives back then. Everyone has a story behind their behaviour.
Also thing like: Mother points at person in wheelchair: "This will happen to you, if you don't eat broccoli!"
