35 People Share Things That Confuse Them But They’re Too Afraid To Ask
Interview With Author
We’re only human. You can’t expect to be perfect all the time—no matter how much you strive for that, there will always be some glaring flaws and gaps in your knowledge that you might find embarrassing. It’s best to fix what you can and embrace all the rest. Though, to be fair, that’s much easier said than done. And that’s exactly what internet users have been discussing over on the r/AskReddit subreddit.
Redditor Wijting asked people to share the things that they believe they’re doing wrong, but are too scared to ask somebody about. In a very honest thread, people opened up about all the things, big and small, that they’re either too embarrassed to ask about in real life or are simply too afraid to draw attention to because they think others would make fun of them for this. Fortunately, the friendly folks of Reddit were more than happy to offer their own advice to people.
Have a read through some of these honest posts, upvote the ones that you can personally relate to, and if you’re feeling brave enough, share what you personally think you’re doing wrong in the comment section. Maybe some Pandas will come along with some helpful advice.
One of the biggest marvels in life, at least for me, is that it's never too late to start learning something new. No matter how embarrassed we might be, no matter our age, we can accomplish great things if we put in the effort. I had a chat about what we should do to put ourselves in the best possible position to learn new things as we grow older with Age UK, a charity that helps everyone make the most of later life. Scroll down for Bored Panda’s interview with them below. I also reached out to the author of the viral thread, redditor Wijting. You can read what they had to say below as well.
This post may include affiliate links.
I have no idea if my lunch break is an hour or 30 minutes.
Where my office is located in my building, my boss and co-workers can’t see me leave for lunch. When I started, I just began taking hour lunches like I did at my last job. Recently, I heard a co-worker mention taking her 30 minute lunch.
I’ve been taking hour long lunches for 6 years and it’s way past the point of asking…
If you are able to do all of your tasks on time, perform well, your boss is happy and no one complains, keep having a 1 hour break and in any cases do not ask. Eventually your employer pays your achievements, not the time that you sat on your chair and well rested and fed brain is likely more productive in the afternoon than brain without a break.
I feel like I’m really articulate when I’m going about my day especially over text, but as soon as I get into a verbal disagreement, it’s like my brain shuts off and I forget how to think. Like a deer in the headlights. I don’t remember it always being this way, but it’s like I struggle to accurately express myself.
I have no idea how often I should text, call or hang out with a friend to maintain a friendship. Especially long distance. I’ve lost friends over the years because I hate texting and don’t understand how often I need to keep in touch with someone. The only friends I’ve kept are the ones I can meet in person.
Redditor Wijting told Bored Panda that they were inspired to create the thread because they hope that it would help them work some stuff out. "The reason why I made the thread was because I had something on my mind. I think I've been doing something wrong for a while. I was hoping the thread would give me the courage to ask the question myself. To be honest, my particular problem compared to some answers on the thread was rather small," they opened up.
I was also interested to find out whether the redditor thinks that being candid in embarrassing and awkward situations actually helps bring people closer together. "People like honesty and honesty within any type of relationship will make the bond stronger. This is a personal view though," they told Bored Panda.
I really wish someone could supervise me during social interactions and give me real honest feedback about what I am doing wrong.
That would actually be amazing! I struggle with social interactions from time to time and I really wonder how I actually come across.
Parenting. For the last 20 years.
They all appear to be functioning human beings, so we can't be too far off the mark, but I do worry we've screwed up somewhere along the line and they'll pay the price for our mistakes in the future.
Flirting. Let's face it. I don't even know what the heck that is, how it works and what the difference between talking and flirting is. Funny enough, apparently that leads to me constantly flirty without wanting to be. At least, I often get told that I flirt with almost every single person I meet.
According to redditor Wijting, taking small steps "to build up courage" can be a good way to admit our flaws and ask someone for some helpful advice. "Try to hint at, or try to lead with smaller questions."
Wijting shared with me that they were "taken aback" by the response their thread got. "A lot of people think they are doing things wrong that I have always taken for granted. Not knowing how to shave, for instance. These questions have made me think if I'm actually doing these things wrong myself... Some questions were rather deep, and I do hope the people that have asked them got some satisfying answers."
Meanwhile, Age UK had this to say. "We know that our thinking skills change very gradually throughout our lives, but there are things we can do to help us to stay sharp," Age UK told Bored Panda. "Evidence from the Global Council of Brain Health suggests that having a positive mental attitude, a healthy diet, taking exercise, socializing, and engaging in new activities are all linked to better thinking skills later in life."
Treating my depression.
I've been in therapy for years now, have tried various anti-depressants, made huge life changes including abstaining from alcohol, removed toxic relationships, even changing my diet. I've tried everything I can find, and, if anything, things are getting worse. It's getting to the point where tomorrow I have an appointment to find out if I have cancer, and can't decide if I will bother with treatment in the case that I do.
Life.
Like what I supposed to be doing? I have about 80 years total. So far, I’ve learned stuff, got married, and got a good job. Am I just grinding out the rest of my years?
Ever since the earliest age, we are introduced and guided through a set of rules. As a result, we expect there's always a task, or a model image for us to emulate. But once you're out of school, there's no more guidance. Now it's up to you to guide others. So you have to change the approach to life. Stop thinking in terms of "supposed to do" and start with "what do I really want to do? What is it that makes me happy?" If you're not sure, try to accumulate different kinds of experience, be it through hobbies, friendships, education, travel, work etc. And keep observing how you do within these and how it makes you feel, whether you want to keep it, improve it, or leave it. You have way more freedom than you know.
According to a representative of Age UK, it's vital that we keep our bodies and our minds in tip-top shape. The relationship between the two is well-established, so taking care of your body is bound to have a positive effect on your mind, too.
"It is clear to scientists and doctors that keeping the blood vessels and blood flow healthy is also key to maintaining your brain function as you age so what is good for the heart is good for the brain too," Age UK points out.
However, some other things that help us stay curious and willing to learn and explore new things include having a strong sense of purpose and having an active social life as well. What's more, we ought to be as realistic as possible about our own limits and plan accordingly.
My job.
Everyone says I'm doing great and praises me for being so efficient or being ahead on my training but I feel like I'm constantly having to ask questions and do extensive research on what the f**k I'm supposed to do in specific situations.
Relationships. Throughout my life I've never gotten much romantic attention, and when I do receive it, I tend to be obnoxiously clingy, which leads to being left alone again. I don't know how to break this habit, because my emotions are just strong.
"Keeping active and busy and discovering new things and even making sure we stay socially active all help to keep us brighter as we get older. Setting goals and making plans gives our lives meaning and purpose, but make sure they’re realistic plans. For example, rather than saying ‘I plan to exercise for one hour every day,’ plan instead to go for a 20-minute walk, three times a week."
Finding the courage to admit that you’re doing something wrong is commendable. Being brave enough to set your ego aside and actually reach out for help is worth applauding, in my personal opinion.
Earlier, I had a chat about healthy and unhealthy ways of showing embarrassment with regards to our knowledge blindspots with Vanessa Bohns from Cornell University.
Anything related to being an adult, straight up no F**king idea what I’m doing…
Standing up for myself and maintaining boundaries. I'm working on it but it's hard because I am just figuring it out (kind of) and people keep trying to push me back to being the doormat I used to be. It's so tempting to be that person again because I hate disrupting the calm, but I was just so tired.
In any situation (as long as a gun isn't pointed at you) stand up for your self even toward people who think they are superior to you because no one is!
Supervising. I am put in the position, but just rely on the efficiency of my subordinates. As soon as there's someone who's lazy or a troublemaker, I've got to figure out how to approach it.
Be encouraging but direct. It takes a kind, humble, straight forward, strong minded, truthful, and understanding person to be able to manage other people. We tend to think calling people out or getting other's to do their job properly. Is somehow mean or we don't want to come off as bossy. But the right attitude and getting to know those you manage somewhat personally. Helps you figure out how to guide them. Just remember to encourage and be nice. People usually want to do what you say when they feel needed and lifted up.
"We spend a lot of time and effort presenting an ideal version of ourselves to other people. When something happens that contrasts with the image we’ve been projecting—when we say or do something that shows we actually aren’t as graceful or as smart as we’d like people to believe—we feel embarrassed," Vanessa told Bored Panda in a previous interview.
"Discovering you were wrong about something most everyone else around you has long known to be true is one of those moments. In that moment we learn, 'Wait a minute, maybe I haven’t been presenting the image of being smart or worldly that I thought I was presenting all this time,' which is embarrassing,” she noted that embarrassment comes from the contrast from what we thought was true and what reality is actually like.
Showering. I have very very long thick hair and I just kind of blast shampoo and conditioner at it. People ask me what I do to keep my hair so nice and I have no idea what to say. People seem to have such complex hair rituals and I’m here just apeing it up.
General conversation I just suck at talking to people I don't really know or don't know at all. Sometimes when I get tips for stuff I respond "yes" or "ok" or "thank you" and even that feels weird or wrong, even the action of saying "hello" feels off... It even happens with firends sometimes...
Try talking about the other person. Most people love talking about themselves. Find out about their hobbies, their pets, their favorite bands.
Dating. Like how the f**k do you find people, that are equally interested in going out with you as you are with them. And then you somehow have to notice that they'd be interested in going out. I just don't understand it, and it sometimes makes me feel like I'll never go on one because of it
No no no ,the question is how the hell do people just agree to go on a date with humans they don't even know?! I am scared to go out with my friends.Forget that how do you trust ,it'll all be ok?What this blind faith?I am awkward just talking with humans I've known for decades.Dating is just plain scary.Well,relationships are scarier.But we somehow survive.
However, embarrassment isn’t all that bad. In fact, it has some upsides that should have you rushing to embarrass yourself as often as you can. “One thing that’s interesting about embarrassment is that, for as much as we might experience it as painful in the moment, it’s actually very socially adaptive.”
Vanessa continued: “Being embarrassed signals to other people that you care about what they think. And that actually draws people in to you.” In short, embarrassment has painful short-term effects but very positive long-term effects. If we learn to deal with the former well, then we’ll be able to reap the latter.
Studying. I have no idea how other people do it. When I read something I retain very little of it, so I resort to writing down what I think are important details, which is most things for me, but it takes so long and I still have to rely on my brain to remember thing by simple repetition.
Writing it down is the only way I retain information. It takes a really long time, but it's the only thing that really works for me.
The things I do to remember something is write it down 3 times, tell a friend or family member/ have them quiz me or say it 7 times in my head. But usually I only retain useless facts like dolphins bite puffer fish to get high.
I had the same problem when I was in University. I failed a couple of classes during midterms including Physics. So I decided to look up different ways of studying. I read that the best time to study to retain information is actually in the morning, or more accurately, after you wake up from sleep. And it worked, at least for me. I didn't study harder, I didn't study longer, I simply studied right after I woke up. My grades during the second half of the school year improved a lot. I even remember being complimented by my Physics Professor for my performance during the second half because he thought I was a goner. lmao
I believe if you cannot remember it, its because you are not associating it with other things you know. Try to "learn" one aspect of what you are studying, knowing it by heart, then "attaching" new knowledge in your mind in relation to that knowledge. This is what I do. I am horrible at rote memorization but have 2 Master's and a Doctorate now, (no not a professional student just enjoy it). I am not 'flexing" just stating that so you know its possible. I actually have TBI from a war, so rote memorization is almost impossible for me.
Basically there are different types of learning style. E.g.: Visual learners (you have to see it), auditory learners (you have to hear it),... You have to find out what type you are. How do you learn the best (for me it is hearing and writing it down). Maybe repition is your best way of learning. Never forget: Learning is hard for almost everyone, for just a very few people things are remembered easily. I studied many years because first of all i had to learn how to learn. I failed often. School was easy, uni not so much.
Studying with a partner and discussing it—-you may have picked up something the other person didn’t, or vice versa. Hell, if you don’t have someone to study with, then read aloud and explain everything to your cat or dog. They’re excellent listeners. But, even if you only have a mirror or a wall to talk to, the act of explaining something and hearing the words out loud seems to help them sink in better.
You're probably just a different type of learner! I hate reading a textbook and retain almost nothing of it, but I remember things very well when I hear them so I recorded lectures and watched related YouTube videos and tutorials. Got straight A's without even opening some of my books. You just have to find what works for you and only do that, don't waste brain power on things that won't help!
Yes, throughout school I felt that I sorely missed a lesson somewhere on how to study. My parents were mostly absent so no help. I just got through on brute forcing the material into my brain and constant stressing instead of incremental enjoyment and knowledge retention.
I like to read through a chapter for the general idea. Then again, marking important phrases. Then, I write down what I've marked. After that, I go through my notes and revise them. That's what I review. Writing by hand really helps memory and comprehension. Tedious and cumbersome, and not for math.
I’m a monkey see monkey do type learner. I hate slide shows on computers because that’s not going to make me retain the information.
Um, writing things down is a very good method of studying. So yay ! You're doing it.
Watch videos on the subject. You may not be a "book learner", but have a different learning style.
Multiple different methods works. Read it, write it out. Then, right before bed, summarise it out loud. Repeat again in the morning. In the shower works. Sleep helps fix things in our memories. Read over your notes again after about a week, and for each sentence or paragraph, write a key word, idea, or term in the margin, this makes sure you are actively thinking about it. Make it part of your daily study routine to review a day's worth of notes as well as taking notes on current material.
Oh my gosh, this is definitely me. I learn by doing, so unless studying involves practicing it doesn't do much good.
I went all through school until after high school mostly learning in class because I hated reading. Lol But decided I like reading in my junior or senior year. So did read in college and on internet to learn stuff. Yes I sometimes feel maybe I don't retain all I read, but I actually do retain more than I think I do.
I learned repeat and repetitive. I am horrible at retaining information I hate it. Makes me so dumb all the time
In college I studied how changing your environment helps in retaining information. It was a surprise to learn how much more information I retained in a less favorable environment. I've used this technique ever since. If I have to retain information quickly, I'll read the text in a car park near a freeway before sitting in a secluded quiet place.
Unfortunately this is trial by fire; no one way works for everyone. You really do have to try all the different techniques and maybe combine them to figure out what works for you. For me all I had to do was read the relevant text and my notes from class just before the test and I was golden, I don't recommend this method to others but it's what worked for me.
Repetition is the only way to learn. If you want to learn something and remember it long term, you need to engage with it seven times, at which point your brain creates permanent connections for that information. I didn't quite use the right terminology, I learned this 15 years ago in biology class but that's the gist of it. The trick is to make the repetition, well, not repetitive. Make flash cards, get together with a study group and quiz each other, make a mind map or take bullet point notes. Variety helps to learn better and not zone out.
The trick is to find out what works best for your brain. What works for one might not work for another. For me, I had to figure out how my brain works, and it took a lot of trial and error and along with a bunch of tips and tricks i learned that I am an auditory learner.
Thanks! I thought I was the only one who had to do this it's a lot of work but in the long run I think it's best.
I was in the same situation while learning for my graduation from uni. (Had 39 topics, EU) Others studied like 2 topics/day and write it down. I haven't written anything down, I read 8 topics/day for 1,5 monhts. For me reading it all over again helps, I did this during my uni years, at the end I could see the whole pages in front of me, and I could talk about all of them. I knew better the topic title's than the interrogators. :D
That's me to! Have to write important points on small cards and carry them around and read them repeatedly
How to handle anger? I'm too embarrassed to ask
My friends used the gym as a way to help vent a lot of frustration he has, he says that it helps him think things through.
Is is bad to say everything I have no idea what the f**k I’m doing anymore
“So blushing, burying your head in your hands, laughing, acknowledging how embarrassing something was, are all totally healthy ways to react,” Vanessa explained to Bored Panda. “The unhealthy way to react is to pretend you’re not embarrassed, that you didn’t make a mistake, or to get angry. Those things undo the positive effect of embarrassment typically has on other people by conveying insincerity and pushing people away rather than drawing them in.”
When I started my first job I didn't know if an 8 hour work day meant including the break or not, and I was too afraid to ask.
Kissing. I’ve had no complaints but it’s not really something your parents taught you to do properly (unless you’re into that)
How to speak up on problems or expressing certain emotions. I keep stuff bottled up inside
Because you are afraid of the possible reactions. Only trying and finding out you are accepted is helpful.
My PhD.
Going into my third year and I still don't feel as if I ever adjusted, or developed healthy habits.
Just trying to take it a day at a time and not procrastinate beyond no return.
Stick with it. You’ll have the degree, instead of regrets about quitting when you were so close. A doctorate will also open more doors, especially in your field, so you’ll have jobhunting options. You’ll always have the fallback to teaching at the university level, where the real money is, as long as you stick with it long enough to gain tenure. Plus it allows you to continue doing research, and often fully funds it as well.
Being a picky eater. So preparing food, I've been wanting to try new things, but I have no idea what to buy, how to prepare it, and it scares me to ask because I don't want it to sound like I'm some sort of alien.
The best way (when there's no pandemic) is to ask a friend if you can try a bite of what they're eating. Or go to restaurants that encourage sharing. Or host a pot luck dinner
Writing. I love writing, and have written a few short stories older the years, and I show it to friends of mine who read, but every single person has said they loved it. I ask for constructive criticism, and sometimes they want the story to go differently, but it's so damn rare I get an opinion on my actual writing. My descriptions, vocabulary, the flow of the story, etc. Well, too scared to ask someone who will give me an actual opinion.
There are writer communities online that proofread eachothers work. You can also hire a professional proofreader. Google is your friend.
Relationships.
I recently started out in the dating scene and i dont know whats the difference between being a couple and being really good friends.
Also: sex is really strange to me.
I'm a girl. Not sure if I'm supposed to shave the thin blonde hairs in my thighs or not. Sometimes they look darker, but sometimes they look blonde.
I shave the rest of my legs ( below the knee), but I'm in my 30s. Feels like I should know this already....
Gym exercises and weights. I am very afraid of the public gyms... I opted to buy my own weights and machines but... When lifting stuff I don't know if I am carrying too much or too little. Is it supposed to not hurt? My back hurts a bit when I'm doing basic stuff like dumbells.
Babysitting. I babysat a few times when I was 13 or 14, and I wasn’t sure if I was just supposed to check in on the kid, or play with them, or just like, make sure they're good. I’m really good at kid-sitting, but babysitting (or for me watching a kid under 7 years old) is just hard.
This just comes naturally to some people I guess. I've always loved little kids, and know how to interact with them, but can relate with very few people in my own age groups. Different people relate with different folks?
Riding a bike. I hopped on one for the first time in 15+ years and loved it! So I bought a bike. But... I don't know if I'm shifting and turning and doing the road rules correctly. Are there resources for grown adults who can stop, go, dismount, but not much else?
Trying to save my 16 year marriage. My wife (35f) told me (35m) she wants a divorce (2 weeks before Im supposed to have spinal fusion surgery) and hopes we can figure out how to be friends for our 2 boys.
She has had a few emotional affairs (nothing physical), and is a bit of a narcissist (blames everyone else for her problems, and takes no responsibility. Accusess anyone who disagrees with her as attacking her, Refuses counseling, and has for years) and appears to be using this as a way to create content (tiktok). I freely admit, Im not perfect and have caused issues in our marriage.
She doesn’t sound worth fighting for. Cheating emotionally is way WORSE then just physically. Lust can happen, even though in a good relationship you’d never act on it, but being emotionally attached to someone else means the current relationship is done.
Thinking, every time I speak someone say how what I just said is wrong and they are right
Programming.
I mean, I mostly understand the concepts, but I struggle and fail WAAAY more often than I succeed.
We all do... Every programmer does. At least, that is how I have managed to learn programming.
Note: this post originally had 66 images. It’s been shortened to the top 38 images based on user votes.
This post makes me realise I am really not alone with some of what I sometimes consider ridiculous thoughts/feelings/questions/fears. We're all just winging it really!
Do redditors know ,we have full blown discussions about their lives on BP?
I'm sure some of them do as reddit posts feature on about 90% of BP posts.
Load More Replies...
Good lord, have none of these people heard of YouTube? Aside from very specific questions, they could find nearly any answer there.
Well, most of these questions should’ve been addressed by parents in raising their kids and most others are easily googled. Do people not raise kids anymore? Just feed, keep alive and done?
Probably not relevant but sometimes I forget to breathe?
I would really like an answer to the study question. Been in college for a couple years now and still feel like I'm not doing it right
So much of this is just imposter syndrome. If someone thinks youre doing well, even if you dont really know what ur doing, just keep doing it!! its working apparently!! fake it til u make it lol
Been married for 9 years now and my husband and I have absolutely no idea what a marriage is supposed to feel like. We're pretty much just two big kids playing house, who occasionally argue about stupid stuff
Well, if it works it works. No set rules for marriage there.
Load More Replies...
Wow, a bunch of scared, insecure people out there. All of us are scared but we buck up, brave up, and grow up and ask in order to learn.
And unfortunately this advise falls flat on people who want their hand held through life. I get sympathizing and empathizing as I get anxious at some stuff-socially really, but sometimes it is too much and people cannot even function theyre too scared.
Load More Replies... three things: 1. how to not move around constantly (i'm always moving. always. when i stay still it feels wrong, kinda like my limbs aren't there? idk. i think what i do is called stimming but i'm neurotypical to my knowledge so idk) 2. how to social interact. i get really into things and want to tell everyone everything about it that i know but im bad at reading cues so idk when people get bored.
You sound autistic vs neurotypical actually.
Load More Replies... Bored Panda should stop stealing Reddit topics.. we all give super good advice to the questions.. but.. because the posts originate on Reddit.. the poster will never see the advice.
My best friend and I went to the midnight screening of each movie. We took turns paying brought our wine tumblers. Yes we were in our late 30s no I'm not ashamed it was so much fun.
This post makes me realise I am really not alone with some of what I sometimes consider ridiculous thoughts/feelings/questions/fears. We're all just winging it really!
Do redditors know ,we have full blown discussions about their lives on BP?
I'm sure some of them do as reddit posts feature on about 90% of BP posts.
Load More Replies... Good lord, have none of these people heard of YouTube? Aside from very specific questions, they could find nearly any answer there.
Well, most of these questions should’ve been addressed by parents in raising their kids and most others are easily googled. Do people not raise kids anymore? Just feed, keep alive and done?
Probably not relevant but sometimes I forget to breathe?
I would really like an answer to the study question. Been in college for a couple years now and still feel like I'm not doing it right
So much of this is just imposter syndrome. If someone thinks youre doing well, even if you dont really know what ur doing, just keep doing it!! its working apparently!! fake it til u make it lol
Been married for 9 years now and my husband and I have absolutely no idea what a marriage is supposed to feel like. We're pretty much just two big kids playing house, who occasionally argue about stupid stuff
Well, if it works it works. No set rules for marriage there.
Load More Replies... Wow, a bunch of scared, insecure people out there. All of us are scared but we buck up, brave up, and grow up and ask in order to learn.
And unfortunately this advise falls flat on people who want their hand held through life. I get sympathizing and empathizing as I get anxious at some stuff-socially really, but sometimes it is too much and people cannot even function theyre too scared.
Load More Replies... three things: 1. how to not move around constantly (i'm always moving. always. when i stay still it feels wrong, kinda like my limbs aren't there? idk. i think what i do is called stimming but i'm neurotypical to my knowledge so idk) 2. how to social interact. i get really into things and want to tell everyone everything about it that i know but im bad at reading cues so idk when people get bored.
You sound autistic vs neurotypical actually.
Load More Replies... Bored Panda should stop stealing Reddit topics.. we all give super good advice to the questions.. but.. because the posts originate on Reddit.. the poster will never see the advice.
My best friend and I went to the midnight screening of each movie. We took turns paying brought our wine tumblers. Yes we were in our late 30s no I'm not ashamed it was so much fun.
