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User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers
It takes some time to get to know another person. And it’s not only about what they do and what they like, but also how they interact with you and others. Some small, insignificant comments or remarks can actually have a hidden meaning and reveal that someone you know does not necessarily have good intentions. Throughout time, by getting to know others better and by gaining experience, people start to see signs of others being manipulative or inconsiderate. Having this in mind, Reddit user u/neilnelly asked people “What is something subtle people say that is a red flag to you?”
This gave a green light for other users to share what they find annoying and alarming about other people’s behavior, from people complimenting others just to achieve personal gain to imposing their own views on others when it's unwanted. Here is the list of 55 things people say to trick you into something that should be taken into account as these are some major red flags.
What are other obvious signs you know that people use to trick or deceive others? Leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
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I used to go to the bar after work with coworkers. One of the managers didn't go, but a coworker kept encouraging him to come out and party. He relented and said he'd come out for one drink. At the bar, he took a sip and said "ah, I haven't had a beer in 5 months". No one else took notice of that, but it struck me. He was gone a week later after coming into work drunk and doing something inappropriate.
To anyone reading this: If someone doesn't want to drink, accept no for an answer. They might have a very good reason to say no, and pressing them on it, especially when well intentioned, might make it much harder for them to say no.
Yes! accept a NO RIGHT AWAY! In any case! Would you like something to eat? No, thanks. OK! Would you like to join? No, thanks! OK! etc. So many potential triggers that people are desperate to steer clear of.
Idk if this is one, but when people say things like “I can say and do whatever I want” “it’s a free country. Ever hear of freedom of speech?” in order to justify s****y things they say or do. Like sure, you have the right to speak your mind, but people also have the right to judge you for what you say.
They forget that Freedom of Speech works in both directions of an opinion
Don't be so sensitive (or something to that effect). Big warning sign that they A- don't care about your feelings, and B- can't take responsibility for their behaviour
It was just a joke. Where's your sense of humor?
Schroedinger's Douchebag: The person who says something cruel and nasty, then decides whether it was "just a joke" based on the reaction they get.
Anything that exposes poor morals. For example, "I'll just say I never got it so they send me another one."
When people show you who they really are, believe them. Love this quote.
“I’m brutally honest” or some other excuse to be an unbearable person.
Anyone can be brutally honest, but everyone else has probably worked out that people don't respond well to the lack of tact, sensitivity and empathy, so it doesn't bode well for the long term if you're just rolling round making people feel s**t about themselves.
Treating service staff poorly, then turning around and being disingenuous.
"Oh why are you being nice to them?" "I dunno, maybe, just maybe, they are also human?! Mindblowing, I know."
If they wronged you and say something like, "I'm such a terrible person, you should leave me." It's them trying to force sympathy on them instead of genuinely apologizing to you. They're not going to change if you stay.
my mother used to say this to me, leaving me feeling like i had no choice but to reply with 'no you're not, you're a good person' (FYI, she wasnt a good person, she was narcissistic and abusive)
I personally move away from people who constantly one up someone's story or experience
Again putting this out there: some ppl genuinely have learned that sharing a common experience with someone is a good way to make social bonds. I only recently learned just how many people do not seem to feel this way. I already knew to rein in it and only share experiences sometimes, but I don't ever do it as oneupsmanship. I'm finding myself less sure nowadays about ever doing it at all, which sucks because it is one of my learned strategies and I don't have a big arsenal to choose from
I’m a guy but anytime I hear other guys say “friend zone” or “girls only date a**holes” or anything that sounds incel/misogynistic, I’m not going to be too fond of the person
Making rude comments about homeless ppl and being rude to waitstaff
Those people almost always feel like that could NEVER happen to them. It's always a failing of the waiter/homeless person's (morality/religion/class/race - take your pick) in their eyes, and only that reason.
Non-apologies.
“I’m sorry you got offended by what I said.”
If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best.
"Sorry I did this and that, It's just my inner zodiac sign."
Like, your zodiac sign doesn't define you, you're just being a s****y person and using that phrase as a cover up.
When people talk s**t on their spouses. Like even in the most subtle way it’s still not appropriate small talk. If it’s my best friend and she’s telling me about a hardship or a fight, different. But when I’m meeting you for the first time I shouldn’t be able to pick up that you dislike your spouse/SO.
When they disagree with someone, they default to attacking the person's character instead of their actions. We all do this from time to time, but with some people it's every time. The guy who messed up their order is "an idiot". Their boss is "an evil sociopath". The person on Facebook who expressed a political view that opposes theirs is "a degenerate". That new intern at work is "hopeless". In the end, the final result is that anyone they disagree with for any reason is either an inherently bad person who doesn't really merit listening to.
When they are the victim in all of their stories.
I had a colleague who didn't really have any friends outside of work. All of her stories were about how each of her friends had stabbed her in the back at one time or another. She went travelling to Australia with 6 girls and left early because they didn't want to do the things she wanted. It was glaringly obvious that she was the issue but still tried to play the sweet victim.
There is another girl from my high school who has gained quite a few followers on social media through sharing her stories of being bullied in school for being bald. No one can remember that ever happening, she was quite popular but had lost touch with her group as you do when you move away for college. Also, she was never bald.
Red flags when people enjoy pity.
"Also, she was never bald." How can someone make a blatant lie and think no one is going to know? So freakin' weird.
Maybe this is nitpicky but people who give nicknames or use a shortened version of your name without asking if you mind it. It's annoyed me my whole life and always seems to correlate with them not respecting more serious boundaries later on.
This one bothers me too, has done since I was a child, I always use the name the person introduced themselves with, if they say David, I call them David, I never presume to call them Dave unless they specifically say "I go by Dave".
It's funny you chose "Dave." A guy in my friend group was introduced to me as "Dave." We never really got along. I just got a weird vide from him and we just rub each other the wrong way. For the sake of our group I always went out of my way to try and make friends but never got very far. Then one day he was speaking to someone else and I overheard him say he hated when people called him "Dave." I pulled him aside and apologized and explained that that was how he was introduced to me. We have been cool ever since.
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My name is Diane. The number of complete strangers who call me lady DI ( work reception with name tag) is unbelievable. She has been gone for 24 years and it still happens weekly. Or they call me Di. which I despise. I correct them every time and the next time I see them its Lady Diiiiiiii. Just f**k off.
People always call me Hank. When I first heard it, I was 7 and thought they had a hearing problem, so I tried yelling my name at them.
You never, ever mess with a person’s name. It. Is. Their. Name. It’s part of their identity. You better make a concerted effort to pronounce it correctly, or ask for the correct pronunciation if you falter at it. People are always so pleased if you make the effort to say their names correctly, as it indicates you have enough respect for them to care enough to get it right, and everyone likes to be respected and cared about. You also better call them what they want to be called. If Robert introduces himself as Robert, don’t go calling him Bobby. If you consistently call him Robert, he may give you permission to call him Bobby—-but HE gives permission, you do not take it. It’s his f*****g name, not yours!
Same. I was only ever Jennifer if my Mom was cross with me!
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I go by context and person. I don't think my boss and colleagues call me Viv to make me feel bad, since they are very nice to me (I don't mind being called Viv). However, I do hate being addressed by endearments in the workplace. I can tell someone I don't care for it. If they go along with what I want, I'll assume they simply made a mistake. If they continue to call me endearments, I'll assume they're disrespectful assholes.
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YES!! My name is Teresa. It is not Terry or Tess or anything else you decide it is. Another pet peeve is when someone insists on spelling my name with an "h" in it. This happens often even though my email address(es) clearly indicate there is no "h" and I SIGN every message with my (correctly spelled) name.
I always ask people what they like to be called, after being called Dee one too many times.
Or the opposite. I always introduce myself as "Phil" and I hate it when people call me "Philip". There are only five people who get a pass on that: My mom, dad, 2 sisters and my great aunt. That's it.
Exactly. Listen to how a person introduces him/herself, then go with that unless/until invited to do otherwise. If someone says, "Hi, I'm James," don't presume to call him, "Jim." He just told you his name is James.
I always, always, always attempt to learn to pronounce a person's name correctly. Even when they tell me to just call them some nickname I take that as they've just gotten used to people not making the effort. So I tell them I'll call them whatever they want but I really do want to know how to pronounce their name correctly just for my own education (but actually because I think it's just rude not to). When I was in the Army we had a soldier with a moderately difficult name and his direct superior officer kept saying his name all kinds of ridiculous ways. So one day I went to her office and tried to explain the correct pronunciation and she still didn't even try. Her entire response was, "Whatever". I lost all respect for her that day.
In Dutch/Flemish some people tend to put '-tje' after names as a diminutive eg. Carolinetje, meaning little Caroline. These are adults talking to adults. It's ever so condescending.
If you tell them to stop, do they listen? I wouldn't care for it. On the other hand, if two people want to use the diminutive with each other, not my business.
Load More Replies... I've always seen nicknames as endearing. If someone gives you a nickname, they feel comfortable with you and like you.
Agreed, but context is everything. If I like you and trust you, then you can call me whatever you want. But… everyone else should call me by the name I used at introduction.
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Watch someone's face (usually a salesperson) if they say "you don't mind if I call you "nickname" do you?" and you say "actually, yes I do mind". Amazes me every time how offended complete strangers can get when I decline to let them treat me like their best friend.
When my boss hired a new employee, I waited for a meeting and asked, "Do you prefer 'Sam' or 'Samantha'?" That way, I knew and so did the rest of the team.
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I do this sometimes, though accidentally or without thinking. For example, I've known several people named "Stephen/Steven" who always went by "Steve", so I kind of default to that nickname bc my brain just replaces it more or less now. But if they correct me, I try to not do it again. It's certainly not by any means intentionally disrespectful
My name is Rachel and I go by my chosen shortened name Rai pronounced like Ray (when I chose the spelling aged 13, I didn't know about the music!). What I hate hate HATE is being called Rach pronounced like wretch, but when I moved here from London 7 years ago I was with a man who would never call me Rai, even though all my other friends and acquaintances in London did.. I am now stuck with 90% of the people I now know calling me wretch and I hate it. Did I say I hate it? I do :(
I HATE beong called Angie! Some of my work colleagues call me that and it makes my skin feel like it is in need of crawling off! I have tried to mention it with subtlety.....still happens.
I can't stand it when people call me Lori. My name is Laura and I don't need you to make it cute. It doesn't even make my name shorter. I had a friend who did this despite my asking him not to. It still annoys me even though I haven't seen him in years.
Yep. I have a friend from Iran she speaks three different languages and holds degrees from higher education. She asked people to please use her full name that she spent the time learning or language in order to communicate effectively with us the least we could do is call her by her given name. I applaud that
I'll straight up ask them "your badge says Robert but so-and-so just called you Bobby. You've problem known them a while though. Remind me how you want me to call you please, I'll try very hard to remember from now on"
My name is Michelle & if you call me "Shelly' I won't answer. My REAL friends call me Mick.
I am very sensitive on this topic. I changed my name (first & middle) as a young adult & people can be so rude & disrespectful. I actually had to call out someone in my family who thought using my old name was okay. "If you don't respect the law & you don't respect me, then I was clearly mistaken in thinking we could continue to have a relationship." Took years to repair the relationship, when he finally pulled his head out of his ass.
Some people do that as a sign of acceptance. Meanwhile, others do it to establish dominance.
i do that if i'm close with someone, and then ask if they mind. i also add diminutives to people's names, but only if i'm really close with them (and they don't mind)
Oh wow, no, I actually do that and for me it’s absolutely an endearment thing. I’d only ever do it with people i like. It might be an Aussie thing - we are well into nicknames here and constantly shorten peoples names - again, it’s endearment ; it’s with people we know and like
If someone's name is for example James, I ask if they prefer James, Jim, or Jamey. I prefer Kimberly, it seems to be to long to say for most people, but I don't get pissy if they say Kim. Some people will, so I always ask.
-or they use the diminutive of your name like 'Janie' as though you're a child.
A friend goes by V. Always introduce them that way, but got embarrassed when my mother insisted they tell her their real name (Virginia) Instantly didn't like my mom, for good reason. I don't care what people call me though, except "moose", mean girl picked it and always hated it.
I hate my nickname, and ALL my cousins and aunts and uncles use it -_- My mom just tells me to ‘get over it’. I would say it, but it could offend anyone who has it as a first name and loves it
In Finland we have this saying "a beloved child has many names" and I love each and every one of my nicknames, and oh boy do I have a lot of them (I've tried to count them all, and I lose count at around 20). It makes me feel special when somebody gives me a new nickname, and if I give somebody a nickname or I pronounce their name in my own way, it's because they're special to me in one way or another. Sure, if somebody says that they don't want to have nicknames and go on a rant on how they only want to be called by one specific name, I'll try my best to call them that.
I thought I was the only one! It doesn't seem like a very big deal, so I never told anyone I disliked this. Ppl just always automatically shortened my name upon meeting me & it always bugged me for the reasons given. Only a couple ppl ever bothered to ask me what I prefer to be called. Isn't that the right way to go about it? Just ask??
this one used to bug me too until i realized asshole, f**k off, m**********r, dipshit and s**t bag are not nicknames
Just curious - when they use nicknames (Dave) and get caught doing something abusive, s****y, etc, do they say "I would never do that to David?". Just thinking that for some, it could be a self-denial method that they actually treat the 'real' person well.
Because different people are doing it, not just one or two people they've known forever...? What an incredibly rude, ignorant, and unnecessarily aggressive response :/
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Me. I care. It is MY name. MY personal identity. If a person cannot respect me enough to learn it and use it, how will they ever respect me on "the big" things?
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But you're so good at it. Aka I'll compliment you in the hope that you'll take this task off my hands.
Worse yet is a family member (looking at spouse) who "volunteers" you to other family members or friends to "help" with something because you have some amount of knowledge/experience with it. No... just no. I don't want the responsibility if something goes wrong or doesn't work.
“I just tell it like it is…”
Is a red flag for me personally.
If they compliment themselves often but rarely or never others, for me that's an obvious narcissistic trait.
When they try to fish compliments. For example they say: ‘why am I so ugly?’
“Well then I guess I’ll never do / buy / say / ask anything / (normal okay thing that isn’t actually the problem) ever again.”
It’s such a toddler’s behaviour, but my husband sometimes doing this. Like when he have his night out, suppose to back Early and instead he Come home in the morning. And when I confront with him it’s allways 'FINE! So I will never go anywhere again!'. Like... dude, I don’t care, you can stay home forever, That’s not my point
“I’m an empath” makes me want to get in my car and drive ten hours in the opposite direction while shoving wool in my ears.
My last roommate called herself an empath. Turned out to be a 30 year old emotionally abusive a** who let her dog s**t in our apartment. Empath my a**
I do find people use this term too freely, without actually knowing what it means, true empaths are on the rare side, however according to some social media pages they're averaging about 50% of the population. A true empath does not need to tell you, you will notice it in their personality and actions.
“I’m not (blank) but...(insert statement that affirms they are what they’re claiming not to be)
Pretty much anytime somebody says something about themself when it's not prompted or necessary.
Like "I'm an honest person", "I'm a hard worker", or "I'd never hit a woman".
A lot of the time, they are trying to plant that thought in your head, in case you hear the opposite from someone else. It's a 'preemptive' denial of something they think you will likely hear about.
Asking what music you listen to, then immediately critiquing it, especially when you like main stream stuff. (I guess this applies to stuff other than music but that’s what annoys me the most)
“That’s just the way God made me,” as an excuse for being a b***h or d**k. Like it’s just their personally and they can’t help it so we should all just accept it.
My reply - God gave you with free will. You choose to be this way.
Anyone who tries to convince you that you can trust them.
"Come on man, you can trust me. I'd never do that to you."
People who are actually trust worthy don't need to convince anyone of anything and they also know that real trust isn't freely given to people you barely know and are not offended when they are not given it.
Trust, like respect, is earned. It’s not up to you to say you’re trustworthy; it’s up to others to consider you trustworthy based in your past trustworthiness. And you have to keep on proving your trustworthiness too.
When someone says "they're my karma child" and implies their child makes their life so hard it must be payback for a mistake they made in the past. I usually discover this person has intense mental health or substance use history. It's a s****y way of mentioning their disdain for their kid.
..maybe ask what their child could have done wrong to deserve them as their parent. Their proverbial karma isn't a one way street.
"With all due respect."
I know a guy who says this so frequently that when he says it, I brace myself for the s**t to follow.
“I know what I’m worth.” Especially in a romantic setting, OLD or first date type stuff. It’s good to have a strong sense of self but I’ve found when this exact phrase is stated/listed something ain’t right.
Less a direct statement and more of a behavior, but I find myself becoming less able to hang out with the people I know who seem to have no respect for any type of input I have on a subject, despite me trying to always at least entertain what they're saying for the purpose of the discussion, even if it's absurd.
I'll have something to add, and they'll seem to not even hear what I've said, either ignoring it all together or immediately dismissing it as incorrect, sometimes even using the same arguments I just said in explaining why what I just said is nonsense.
And on the occasion that I actually decide to go through the effort of defending my stance, they usually end it with some dismissive statement like "well that's your opinion". Yes, that is my opinion, and considering the fact that I have been sitting here listening to and showing respect towards, even if not always supporting, your opinion, I think would justify me in asking for the same basic respect.
This turned into a rant, and I'm sorry about that. To put it shortly, I guess I'd say when a person seems to have a lot of difficulty with you disagreeing with them, and never seems to even pretend they are giving your position any real thought beyond "no, you're wrong because..." Then I'd say they aren't your friend, and you should consider no longer trying to be theirs.
It is so frustrating to try to reason with someone who is so one sided. I find some people are just set in their ways and think they are always right. It makes friendship very difficult. I just avoid people who are so negative and like to argue. Being selective about who you interact with can be so helpful!
Recently had someone tell me "I hate being accused of lying." I'm sure we can all guess what he keeps getting caught doing...
I get so nervous when being questioned about anything I look like I'm lying even if I'm telling the truth. Been that way forever.
"I'm always open to debate."
I find most people that say that are open to lecture you, and closed to debate.
I love that....Open to lecture you, and closed to debate! Perfectly put!
When I started my new job the bubbliest girl who was loved by most of the staff and was also a HR manager would act like this when me and her were totally alone.
She would whisper ever so softly (to herself but to me) "you get no thanks around here, no one cares. You just wait and watch the knives stabbing when you least expect it". This is something she did on my first DAY!! I said to her everyone seems lovely and accepting and she said "well wait until you get to know them".
This was a HR MANAGER!!
Edit I've just realised this isn't very subtle
Also Edit! Seems like alot of people see this girls actions as good. I don't, this was my first day and I really believe if people start talking about others they're setting the tone for YOU to perceive the person they are gossiping about, it made me nervous, your first day is bad enough. I was there for 7 months and not one person showed any signs of being a backstabber. Not one! Nothing even remotely shady.
Try to say, "It could have been worse" (Or something to that affect) everytime they make a mistake. "Yeah, it could have been worse, but you still wrecked my car Rachel"
Many of these "red flags" are beginning to sound more like personally specific issues.
"Can't you just do it?" instead of wanting to learn something.
For me, it depends on context. If a colleague has a tight deadline and I can do something much faster than they can, I'll definitely help. I might even insist on it! If it's someone who never wants to learn, I'd find that annoying. If I can teach them, I'll try to do so. If they totally refuse, it depends on whether it's someone at work or a.. ahem... "friend".
Starting an argument for no reason and then not having the capacity to resolve it.
Never asking a question. My husband realized his father never does this and now I can’t stop listening for this.
You'll know I like you when I make fun of every single thing you do maliciously.
Like wth
Someone who frequently, in response to you telling them about a bad or inconvenient thing that happened to you, start with "Well what you SHOULD have done..." or "What I would have done..." and then argue with your reasonings for not finding their solution helpful. These people tend to be very opinionated and stubborn, even in situations they don't really know anything about. This is especially true if paired with a tendency to always win/have bad losing habits, are generally immature, or have a history of just not knowing what they're talking about but just want to assert themselves in the conversation anyways
Edit: To those who do this to a fault, it's a completely normal behavior! Sometimes it's hard to not begin searching for solutions to a loved one's problem. However it's different when you do it excessively, or to the point of making the other person feel stressed or incompetent. I'm mostly talking about this when it's accompanied by other red flags but can be a standalone depending on frequency/social context
Note: this post originally had 55 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
Someone once told me, "people tell you who they are, it's your responsibility to listen." I have not listened, many times, to my own detriment.
Or I listen and then make excuses for them to avoid having to admit they did something sh*tty.
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A lot of these are bad only because of how they are popularly used by certain people. It's interesting to me that language is like that. That a term that should mean well is turned sour by awful people.
In my experience, "I'm a good person" has only been uttered by the worst people I've known, when they were caught at their worst. Put it right up there with "I'm a nice guy."
Sometimes people do need to be reminded that you are, in fact, a decent, nice person. I've been treated like dirt by a lot of people that thought I was an asshole, just due to rumors they heard, and never even bothered to get to know me. So yeah, sometimes you do need to tell people who you are, because many times they won't give you the chance to show them who you are.
Load More Replies... When I was still working, I used to really confound people when I would admit that I had done something or that I was responsible for whatever had happened. They were not used to people owning up to their mistakes or taking responsibility for their actions. Seeing their reactions to the admissions was more fun than trying to cover up the action.
"He's a nice guy once you get to know him." Translation: he's an azzhole, but you'll get used to it.
Or, he/she's shy and guarded around people due to being s**t on by them for years, so it can take a while for him/her to let you in.
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I hate when people use "I'm a feminist" to justify just awful behavior towards not just men, but also women, and LGBTQ+. TERFs like JK Rowling, comedians like Aisling Bea, influencers like Lacey Green, etc. We need feminism to be angry and aggressive because it's the only way people listen, but that doesn't excuse outright dickery.
Modern feminism isn't feminism, it's just Misandry in disguise.
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When a new supervisor says I'm not a micromanager and I'm not into drama, it's guaranteed that they are actually both.
#56 Everyone should believe the same things and act the same way socially, and it should be the way the media says. Sorry, that is not tolerant or embracing diversity. You can't have it both ways. If you want social broad-mindedness you have to allow room for the narrow-minded to exist without judgment. Otherwise you are being self-contradictory. Most people don't get that about this cancel culture we are dealing with. It is as wrong as that which you are trying to cancel. Maybe even more so.
Because I hate being asked about myself and my life, I also don't ask others anything, for the most part, until I've seen them in action with others for a while. I especially hate being asked if I have any children (did, but both died a long, long time ago). If I say they're deceased, people get "that" look, the one where the eyes suddenly light up, and they're licking their chops, hoping for a juicy-details story. I usually walk away without explanation, not wanting to yet again go into details they don't need. Just know it still hurts, ok, and it's not a subject open for free conversation (not addressing that to anyone on here, just saying it in general).
"I don' t know what i can say around you" when people don't like my response to that and wanted me to take in and act on bahalf of their "helpful" tips, because only they know what really is right
#47..active duty here...um...we call everyone male or female. It's unprofessional in this line of work to say men or women or guys or girls. It's male or female. And I'm sorry but after years of being in the military it's a habit. Hard habit to change.
My new "favourite" situation is when someone gives me unsolicited advice about my work, followed by "I hope you are not upset by my critique, I'm only telling this to you because you and I are both professionals!" Yeah, right! If you respected me as a professional, you would not jump in with your critique, you would ask me first why I've made such and such choice in creating my work and respected me for that. And if you were itching to comment on something, you'd say "I have an idea about this part - would you like me to tell you what I thought?" And be prepared to hear "No, thank you" from me. Giving unsolicited advice and excusing it with "we are both professionals" is disrespectful and hurtful and should stop.
Some sleazy but most of these are bullying, country simple.
Another one is "no offense but (proceeds to say something incredibly offensive)"
People who claim they hate drama are usually the ones starting it.
People who like to advertise how kind and compassionate they are. It's one of those things you are supposed to show, not tell.
Now I am paranoid about the things I say.The world is becoming more sensitive but is it being considerate too?
This article covered 99% of the problem. If you have been on the receiving end of these, there is a good chance you don't practice them. Peace.
Load More Replies... I have always found when anyone I am just meeting starts with "I'm a Christian." usually indicates something mean will surface soon . . . that I'm not as valuable a person as them, nor what I do or think. However, this does same me a lot of time . . . NEXT!
I've found drama is complicated; truth is simple.
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Some of them are true and have a point (especially racist ones or passive-agressive non-apologies) but others are way too vague to be able to deduct whether the person saying them is a red flag or is actually saying something valid. For example " if you can't handle me at my worst.." depends on whether they say that over them being angry about you mispronouncing their middle name by mistake - vs them having an actually very bad day at work and something extra bad happened that day etc and they didn't have the best attitude that day (they should still probably apologize but still, phrase checks out there).
Some of these are just downright picky and many of them just take a little finesse to work with I don’t find all of these as being bad traits people are people and we’re all learning some of us are doing our best and we just know what we’re taught, sometimes helping people to use different tools makes a better relationship.
To come to a country as an immigrant and not be able to learn so much of the "foreign language" in 25 years, that one can have a simple conversation. You have had children who grew up there and who of course speak the language fluently. Anyone who does not learn the language of the country in which he / she lives in such a long time is simply ignorant and lazy in a way. If I decide to live in a country, where the language is different, than my native language, I learn that language, as fast as possible.
I've lived in Japan for over 20 years. Yes, I can have simple conversations in a restaurant, at a shop, with my doctor, etc., but I'm far from fluent. I spent most of the last 20 years working 5, 6 and 7 days a week, 12-13 hours a day, in jobs in which I was told NOT to speak ANY Japanese at work. I was hired to speak English. If you have work staff, for example, who all speak Spanish all day, and they work 6 days a week, maybe working 12 hours days to pay the rent, they may be too exhausted to study on their day off, too busy raising kids, too poor to pay for lessons. There could be a LOT of reasons other than "lazy and ignorant" to not know the language.
Load More Replies... People who constantly tell you how much and how hard they work. *eyeroll*
Anyone who asks you about your views on a particular hot-button topic out of the blue. That person is just looking for a fight.
Someone once told me, "people tell you who they are, it's your responsibility to listen." I have not listened, many times, to my own detriment.
Or I listen and then make excuses for them to avoid having to admit they did something sh*tty.
Load More Replies... A lot of these are bad only because of how they are popularly used by certain people. It's interesting to me that language is like that. That a term that should mean well is turned sour by awful people.
In my experience, "I'm a good person" has only been uttered by the worst people I've known, when they were caught at their worst. Put it right up there with "I'm a nice guy."
Sometimes people do need to be reminded that you are, in fact, a decent, nice person. I've been treated like dirt by a lot of people that thought I was an asshole, just due to rumors they heard, and never even bothered to get to know me. So yeah, sometimes you do need to tell people who you are, because many times they won't give you the chance to show them who you are.
Load More Replies... When I was still working, I used to really confound people when I would admit that I had done something or that I was responsible for whatever had happened. They were not used to people owning up to their mistakes or taking responsibility for their actions. Seeing their reactions to the admissions was more fun than trying to cover up the action.
"He's a nice guy once you get to know him." Translation: he's an azzhole, but you'll get used to it.
Or, he/she's shy and guarded around people due to being s**t on by them for years, so it can take a while for him/her to let you in.
Load More Replies... I hate when people use "I'm a feminist" to justify just awful behavior towards not just men, but also women, and LGBTQ+. TERFs like JK Rowling, comedians like Aisling Bea, influencers like Lacey Green, etc. We need feminism to be angry and aggressive because it's the only way people listen, but that doesn't excuse outright dickery.
Modern feminism isn't feminism, it's just Misandry in disguise.
Load More Replies... When a new supervisor says I'm not a micromanager and I'm not into drama, it's guaranteed that they are actually both.
#56 Everyone should believe the same things and act the same way socially, and it should be the way the media says. Sorry, that is not tolerant or embracing diversity. You can't have it both ways. If you want social broad-mindedness you have to allow room for the narrow-minded to exist without judgment. Otherwise you are being self-contradictory. Most people don't get that about this cancel culture we are dealing with. It is as wrong as that which you are trying to cancel. Maybe even more so.
Because I hate being asked about myself and my life, I also don't ask others anything, for the most part, until I've seen them in action with others for a while. I especially hate being asked if I have any children (did, but both died a long, long time ago). If I say they're deceased, people get "that" look, the one where the eyes suddenly light up, and they're licking their chops, hoping for a juicy-details story. I usually walk away without explanation, not wanting to yet again go into details they don't need. Just know it still hurts, ok, and it's not a subject open for free conversation (not addressing that to anyone on here, just saying it in general).
"I don' t know what i can say around you" when people don't like my response to that and wanted me to take in and act on bahalf of their "helpful" tips, because only they know what really is right
#47..active duty here...um...we call everyone male or female. It's unprofessional in this line of work to say men or women or guys or girls. It's male or female. And I'm sorry but after years of being in the military it's a habit. Hard habit to change.
My new "favourite" situation is when someone gives me unsolicited advice about my work, followed by "I hope you are not upset by my critique, I'm only telling this to you because you and I are both professionals!" Yeah, right! If you respected me as a professional, you would not jump in with your critique, you would ask me first why I've made such and such choice in creating my work and respected me for that. And if you were itching to comment on something, you'd say "I have an idea about this part - would you like me to tell you what I thought?" And be prepared to hear "No, thank you" from me. Giving unsolicited advice and excusing it with "we are both professionals" is disrespectful and hurtful and should stop.
Some sleazy but most of these are bullying, country simple.
Another one is "no offense but (proceeds to say something incredibly offensive)"
People who claim they hate drama are usually the ones starting it.
People who like to advertise how kind and compassionate they are. It's one of those things you are supposed to show, not tell.
Now I am paranoid about the things I say.The world is becoming more sensitive but is it being considerate too?
This article covered 99% of the problem. If you have been on the receiving end of these, there is a good chance you don't practice them. Peace.
Load More Replies... I have always found when anyone I am just meeting starts with "I'm a Christian." usually indicates something mean will surface soon . . . that I'm not as valuable a person as them, nor what I do or think. However, this does same me a lot of time . . . NEXT!
I've found drama is complicated; truth is simple.
Load More Replies... Some of them are true and have a point (especially racist ones or passive-agressive non-apologies) but others are way too vague to be able to deduct whether the person saying them is a red flag or is actually saying something valid. For example " if you can't handle me at my worst.." depends on whether they say that over them being angry about you mispronouncing their middle name by mistake - vs them having an actually very bad day at work and something extra bad happened that day etc and they didn't have the best attitude that day (they should still probably apologize but still, phrase checks out there).
Some of these are just downright picky and many of them just take a little finesse to work with I don’t find all of these as being bad traits people are people and we’re all learning some of us are doing our best and we just know what we’re taught, sometimes helping people to use different tools makes a better relationship.
To come to a country as an immigrant and not be able to learn so much of the "foreign language" in 25 years, that one can have a simple conversation. You have had children who grew up there and who of course speak the language fluently. Anyone who does not learn the language of the country in which he / she lives in such a long time is simply ignorant and lazy in a way. If I decide to live in a country, where the language is different, than my native language, I learn that language, as fast as possible.
I've lived in Japan for over 20 years. Yes, I can have simple conversations in a restaurant, at a shop, with my doctor, etc., but I'm far from fluent. I spent most of the last 20 years working 5, 6 and 7 days a week, 12-13 hours a day, in jobs in which I was told NOT to speak ANY Japanese at work. I was hired to speak English. If you have work staff, for example, who all speak Spanish all day, and they work 6 days a week, maybe working 12 hours days to pay the rent, they may be too exhausted to study on their day off, too busy raising kids, too poor to pay for lessons. There could be a LOT of reasons other than "lazy and ignorant" to not know the language.
Load More Replies... People who constantly tell you how much and how hard they work. *eyeroll*
Anyone who asks you about your views on a particular hot-button topic out of the blue. That person is just looking for a fight.
