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User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers
It takes some time to get to know another person. And it’s not only about what they do and what they like, but also how they interact with you and others. Some small, insignificant comments or remarks can actually have a hidden meaning and reveal that someone you know does not necessarily have good intentions. Throughout time, by getting to know others better and by gaining experience, people start to see signs of others being manipulative or inconsiderate. Having this in mind, Reddit user u/neilnelly asked people “What is something subtle people say that is a red flag to you?”
This gave a green light for other users to share what they find annoying and alarming about other people’s behavior, from people complimenting others just to achieve personal gain to imposing their own views on others when it's unwanted. Here is the list of 55 things people say to trick you into something that should be taken into account as these are some major red flags.
What are other obvious signs you know that people use to trick or deceive others? Leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
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I used to go to the bar after work with coworkers. One of the managers didn't go, but a coworker kept encouraging him to come out and party. He relented and said he'd come out for one drink. At the bar, he took a sip and said "ah, I haven't had a beer in 5 months". No one else took notice of that, but it struck me. He was gone a week later after coming into work drunk and doing something inappropriate.
To anyone reading this: If someone doesn't want to drink, accept no for an answer. They might have a very good reason to say no, and pressing them on it, especially when well intentioned, might make it much harder for them to say no.
Yes! accept a NO RIGHT AWAY! In any case! Would you like something to eat? No, thanks. OK! Would you like to join? No, thanks! OK! etc. So many potential triggers that people are desperate to steer clear of.
Idk if this is one, but when people say things like “I can say and do whatever I want” “it’s a free country. Ever hear of freedom of speech?” in order to justify s****y things they say or do. Like sure, you have the right to speak your mind, but people also have the right to judge you for what you say.
They forget that Freedom of Speech works in both directions of an opinion
Don't be so sensitive (or something to that effect). Big warning sign that they A- don't care about your feelings, and B- can't take responsibility for their behaviour
It was just a joke. Where's your sense of humor?
Schroedinger's Douchebag: The person who says something cruel and nasty, then decides whether it was "just a joke" based on the reaction they get.
Anything that exposes poor morals. For example, "I'll just say I never got it so they send me another one."
When people show you who they really are, believe them. Love this quote.
“I’m brutally honest” or some other excuse to be an unbearable person.
Anyone can be brutally honest, but everyone else has probably worked out that people don't respond well to the lack of tact, sensitivity and empathy, so it doesn't bode well for the long term if you're just rolling round making people feel s**t about themselves.
Treating service staff poorly, then turning around and being disingenuous.
"Oh why are you being nice to them?" "I dunno, maybe, just maybe, they are also human?! Mindblowing, I know."
If they wronged you and say something like, "I'm such a terrible person, you should leave me." It's them trying to force sympathy on them instead of genuinely apologizing to you. They're not going to change if you stay.
my mother used to say this to me, leaving me feeling like i had no choice but to reply with 'no you're not, you're a good person' (FYI, she wasnt a good person, she was narcissistic and abusive)
I personally move away from people who constantly one up someone's story or experience
Again putting this out there: some ppl genuinely have learned that sharing a common experience with someone is a good way to make social bonds. I only recently learned just how many people do not seem to feel this way. I already knew to rein in it and only share experiences sometimes, but I don't ever do it as oneupsmanship. I'm finding myself less sure nowadays about ever doing it at all, which sucks because it is one of my learned strategies and I don't have a big arsenal to choose from
I’m a guy but anytime I hear other guys say “friend zone” or “girls only date a**holes” or anything that sounds incel/misogynistic, I’m not going to be too fond of the person
I really dont get the friend zone. 100% of the men and women that are in my life (by choice) are my friends. So by this logic, all are in the friend-zone...??! How is that bad? It's an honor for me to be considered someone's friend. And if I get a romantic/sexual partner (or more), then 99,9999% of the others left are still my friends, so, "friend-zoned"... What's the alternative? Lol
But surely 99.999% of people do not want to date you? That's when someone is friend zoned, when you consider them a nice person you want in your life, but so...boring?....unattractive?....whatever...that you'd never consider them as a romantic possibility. The classic definition of a man in the friendzone is one who the woman trusts enough help her pick out a dress for a date (which he will do, because he is your friend) even though all he really wants is to be that date. Although this has been blurred recently into any man told "let's just be friends" as a knock back. I'll let other people debate as to whether the term has any moral legitimacy.
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FFS, are we expected to be attracted to EVERYBODY? Sometimes all you want is a friend, a close relationship that isn’t complicated by sex and love. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Oh, and btw, women can be “friend zoned” too. Difference between women and men is women who are friend zoned by some guy generally don’t act like whiny little bitches about it and just suffer in silence until they just get over it.
I have heard so much of “Girls like bad boys”… NO- 1, we like who happens to appeal to us 2, not ALL girls. I for one, like the nice guys. They have at least some class, and they aren’t jerks.
I'm fine with the term friend zone existing it just depends how you use it. My husband was technically in the friend zone with me for about a year before I considered him for dating. I think it's dumb when someone won't date someone because they friend zoned them, as if they're off limits now or something. I also hate when guys won't accept being friends and try to date the woman and won't accept no for an answer. It's not the term it's the people.
What happened to you, also happened with my parents! :) My mother only wanted to be friends, she had no romantic or marriage aspirations in her life. He gave her 1 year to decide if she wanted him in her life, as a friend and a partner (boyfriend with the goal of marrying). He waited for her. By the end of the year, they were such tight friends, she couldn't imagine not having him in her life ;P. They're still so good together.
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The friend zone thing is so annoying. I have a couple of guy friends who just won't stop pushing me to go out with them, trying to trick me into dating them by asking me to go somewhere and then telling me about how I'm their girlfriend now (do I get a say in this?), constantly asking me out or trying to hold my hand, buying me surprise gifts and then expecting something in return. Why can't I have male friends who are just friends without them expecting me to give in and be their girlfriend if they keep pushing for more?
Fun fact, the guys who are in the "friend zone" chose to be there out of their own volition. You can't get "friend zoned" if you refuse it.
People that are "friend zoned" are just friends that's all. There was never any romantic possibility therefore they are just a friend. I don't know why people don't understand that so weird
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Say something to them, then. Letting people get away with saying something so stupid and misogynistic isn’t acceptable.
I hate it when guys become misogynist when among other guys, as if they seek solidarity of some kind. Just like drivers who at some point did some s*it in traffic and got a fine expecting other drivers to spit on the police just because the drivers should hold together against the police. Go away, I am not interested in such a conversation.
I believe the friend zone is a real thing. But I also believe no one puts you there. If you're in the friend zone you got there on our own.
If you think "friend zone" is misogynistic, you're deluded. I wonder if any women here can agree. It's a quicker way of saying "She's not attracted to me, (I am disappointed)". Is that misogynistic? No. Don't overreach.
Also if there was never a chance of being romantic you're just a friend that's all. You aren't "friend zoned" bc you were only ever a friend
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I litterally got girls telling me I was too nice to date. And it was not my looks, because when I did start acting like an asshole, the would date me. And then they did appreciate when I started being my nice self again.
Well, there are indeed girls and women who know no better, but sometimes they'll say that because they don't wanna be rude and hurt your feelings. People in general, not only females and not only for dating, tend to use such expressions to avoid being too direct about how they really feel. Also because it's genuinely difficult to express oneself sometimes.
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If a girl acts like she likes you but it feels like she just wants to be friends, but you notice her eyeing you, she might be too embarrassed or too scared to think you don't like her the same way she does but she would still rather you in her life. If you're not picking up the cues or refusing to acknowledge that she might like you more than just friends then YATA.
If she isn't willing to make the first move she is the one at fault. This isn't the 1950s, women are allowed to ask people out. Subtle signals are notoriously absent from men's social vocabulary.
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Being nice or decent is the bare minimum you should be. If your best (not you, talking in general) is being nice, no wonder girls go for funny, confident, interesting guys. Besides, don't believe all you see in movies.
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Red Piller Alert!! Run before he tells you how much a nice guy he is and then call you a whore for not being interested!
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Making rude comments about homeless ppl and being rude to waitstaff
Those people almost always feel like that could NEVER happen to them. It's always a failing of the waiter/homeless person's (morality/religion/class/race - take your pick) in their eyes, and only that reason.
Non-apologies.
“I’m sorry you got offended by what I said.”
If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best.
"Sorry I did this and that, It's just my inner zodiac sign."
Like, your zodiac sign doesn't define you, you're just being a s****y person and using that phrase as a cover up.
When people talk s**t on their spouses. Like even in the most subtle way it’s still not appropriate small talk. If it’s my best friend and she’s telling me about a hardship or a fight, different. But when I’m meeting you for the first time I shouldn’t be able to pick up that you dislike your spouse/SO.
When they disagree with someone, they default to attacking the person's character instead of their actions. We all do this from time to time, but with some people it's every time. The guy who messed up their order is "an idiot". Their boss is "an evil sociopath". The person on Facebook who expressed a political view that opposes theirs is "a degenerate". That new intern at work is "hopeless". In the end, the final result is that anyone they disagree with for any reason is either an inherently bad person who doesn't really merit listening to.
When they are the victim in all of their stories.
I had a colleague who didn't really have any friends outside of work. All of her stories were about how each of her friends had stabbed her in the back at one time or another. She went travelling to Australia with 6 girls and left early because they didn't want to do the things she wanted. It was glaringly obvious that she was the issue but still tried to play the sweet victim.
There is another girl from my high school who has gained quite a few followers on social media through sharing her stories of being bullied in school for being bald. No one can remember that ever happening, she was quite popular but had lost touch with her group as you do when you move away for college. Also, she was never bald.
Red flags when people enjoy pity.
"Also, she was never bald." How can someone make a blatant lie and think no one is going to know? So freakin' weird.
Maybe this is nitpicky but people who give nicknames or use a shortened version of your name without asking if you mind it. It's annoyed me my whole life and always seems to correlate with them not respecting more serious boundaries later on.
But you're so good at it. Aka I'll compliment you in the hope that you'll take this task off my hands.
Worse yet is a family member (looking at spouse) who "volunteers" you to other family members or friends to "help" with something because you have some amount of knowledge/experience with it. No... just no. I don't want the responsibility if something goes wrong or doesn't work.
“I just tell it like it is…”
Is a red flag for me personally.
If they compliment themselves often but rarely or never others, for me that's an obvious narcissistic trait.
When they try to fish compliments. For example they say: ‘why am I so ugly?’
“Well then I guess I’ll never do / buy / say / ask anything / (normal okay thing that isn’t actually the problem) ever again.”
It’s such a toddler’s behaviour, but my husband sometimes doing this. Like when he have his night out, suppose to back Early and instead he Come home in the morning. And when I confront with him it’s allways 'FINE! So I will never go anywhere again!'. Like... dude, I don’t care, you can stay home forever, That’s not my point
“I’m an empath” makes me want to get in my car and drive ten hours in the opposite direction while shoving wool in my ears.
My last roommate called herself an empath. Turned out to be a 30 year old emotionally abusive a** who let her dog s**t in our apartment. Empath my a**
I do find people use this term too freely, without actually knowing what it means, true empaths are on the rare side, however according to some social media pages they're averaging about 50% of the population. A true empath does not need to tell you, you will notice it in their personality and actions.
“I’m not (blank) but...(insert statement that affirms they are what they’re claiming not to be)
Pretty much anytime somebody says something about themself when it's not prompted or necessary.
Like "I'm an honest person", "I'm a hard worker", or "I'd never hit a woman".
A lot of the time, they are trying to plant that thought in your head, in case you hear the opposite from someone else. It's a 'preemptive' denial of something they think you will likely hear about.
Asking what music you listen to, then immediately critiquing it, especially when you like main stream stuff. (I guess this applies to stuff other than music but that’s what annoys me the most)
“That’s just the way God made me,” as an excuse for being a b***h or d**k. Like it’s just their personally and they can’t help it so we should all just accept it.
My reply - God gave you with free will. You choose to be this way.
Anyone who tries to convince you that you can trust them.
"Come on man, you can trust me. I'd never do that to you."
People who are actually trust worthy don't need to convince anyone of anything and they also know that real trust isn't freely given to people you barely know and are not offended when they are not given it.
Trust, like respect, is earned. It’s not up to you to say you’re trustworthy; it’s up to others to consider you trustworthy based in your past trustworthiness. And you have to keep on proving your trustworthiness too.
When someone says "they're my karma child" and implies their child makes their life so hard it must be payback for a mistake they made in the past. I usually discover this person has intense mental health or substance use history. It's a s****y way of mentioning their disdain for their kid.
..maybe ask what their child could have done wrong to deserve them as their parent. Their proverbial karma isn't a one way street.
"With all due respect."
I know a guy who says this so frequently that when he says it, I brace myself for the s**t to follow.
“I know what I’m worth.” Especially in a romantic setting, OLD or first date type stuff. It’s good to have a strong sense of self but I’ve found when this exact phrase is stated/listed something ain’t right.
Less a direct statement and more of a behavior, but I find myself becoming less able to hang out with the people I know who seem to have no respect for any type of input I have on a subject, despite me trying to always at least entertain what they're saying for the purpose of the discussion, even if it's absurd.
I'll have something to add, and they'll seem to not even hear what I've said, either ignoring it all together or immediately dismissing it as incorrect, sometimes even using the same arguments I just said in explaining why what I just said is nonsense.
And on the occasion that I actually decide to go through the effort of defending my stance, they usually end it with some dismissive statement like "well that's your opinion". Yes, that is my opinion, and considering the fact that I have been sitting here listening to and showing respect towards, even if not always supporting, your opinion, I think would justify me in asking for the same basic respect.
This turned into a rant, and I'm sorry about that. To put it shortly, I guess I'd say when a person seems to have a lot of difficulty with you disagreeing with them, and never seems to even pretend they are giving your position any real thought beyond "no, you're wrong because..." Then I'd say they aren't your friend, and you should consider no longer trying to be theirs.
It is so frustrating to try to reason with someone who is so one sided. I find some people are just set in their ways and think they are always right. It makes friendship very difficult. I just avoid people who are so negative and like to argue. Being selective about who you interact with can be so helpful!
Recently had someone tell me "I hate being accused of lying." I'm sure we can all guess what he keeps getting caught doing...
I get so nervous when being questioned about anything I look like I'm lying even if I'm telling the truth. Been that way forever.
"I'm always open to debate."
I find most people that say that are open to lecture you, and closed to debate.
I love that....Open to lecture you, and closed to debate! Perfectly put!
When I started my new job the bubbliest girl who was loved by most of the staff and was also a HR manager would act like this when me and her were totally alone.
She would whisper ever so softly (to herself but to me) "you get no thanks around here, no one cares. You just wait and watch the knives stabbing when you least expect it". This is something she did on my first DAY!! I said to her everyone seems lovely and accepting and she said "well wait until you get to know them".
This was a HR MANAGER!!
Edit I've just realised this isn't very subtle
Also Edit! Seems like alot of people see this girls actions as good. I don't, this was my first day and I really believe if people start talking about others they're setting the tone for YOU to perceive the person they are gossiping about, it made me nervous, your first day is bad enough. I was there for 7 months and not one person showed any signs of being a backstabber. Not one! Nothing even remotely shady.
Try to say, "It could have been worse" (Or something to that affect) everytime they make a mistake. "Yeah, it could have been worse, but you still wrecked my car Rachel"
Many of these "red flags" are beginning to sound more like personally specific issues.
"Can't you just do it?" instead of wanting to learn something.
For me, it depends on context. If a colleague has a tight deadline and I can do something much faster than they can, I'll definitely help. I might even insist on it! If it's someone who never wants to learn, I'd find that annoying. If I can teach them, I'll try to do so. If they totally refuse, it depends on whether it's someone at work or a.. ahem... "friend".
Starting an argument for no reason and then not having the capacity to resolve it.
Never asking a question. My husband realized his father never does this and now I can’t stop listening for this.
You'll know I like you when I make fun of every single thing you do maliciously.
Like wth
Someone who frequently, in response to you telling them about a bad or inconvenient thing that happened to you, start with "Well what you SHOULD have done..." or "What I would have done..." and then argue with your reasonings for not finding their solution helpful. These people tend to be very opinionated and stubborn, even in situations they don't really know anything about. This is especially true if paired with a tendency to always win/have bad losing habits, are generally immature, or have a history of just not knowing what they're talking about but just want to assert themselves in the conversation anyways
Edit: To those who do this to a fault, it's a completely normal behavior! Sometimes it's hard to not begin searching for solutions to a loved one's problem. However it's different when you do it excessively, or to the point of making the other person feel stressed or incompetent. I'm mostly talking about this when it's accompanied by other red flags but can be a standalone depending on frequency/social context
Note: this post originally had 55 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
Someone once told me, "people tell you who they are, it's your responsibility to listen." I have not listened, many times, to my own detriment.
Or I listen and then make excuses for them to avoid having to admit they did something sh*tty.
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A lot of these are bad only because of how they are popularly used by certain people. It's interesting to me that language is like that. That a term that should mean well is turned sour by awful people.
In my experience, "I'm a good person" has only been uttered by the worst people I've known, when they were caught at their worst. Put it right up there with "I'm a nice guy."
Sometimes people do need to be reminded that you are, in fact, a decent, nice person. I've been treated like dirt by a lot of people that thought I was an asshole, just due to rumors they heard, and never even bothered to get to know me. So yeah, sometimes you do need to tell people who you are, because many times they won't give you the chance to show them who you are.
Load More Replies... When I was still working, I used to really confound people when I would admit that I had done something or that I was responsible for whatever had happened. They were not used to people owning up to their mistakes or taking responsibility for their actions. Seeing their reactions to the admissions was more fun than trying to cover up the action.
"He's a nice guy once you get to know him." Translation: he's an azzhole, but you'll get used to it.
Or, he/she's shy and guarded around people due to being s**t on by them for years, so it can take a while for him/her to let you in.
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I hate when people use "I'm a feminist" to justify just awful behavior towards not just men, but also women, and LGBTQ+. TERFs like JK Rowling, comedians like Aisling Bea, influencers like Lacey Green, etc. We need feminism to be angry and aggressive because it's the only way people listen, but that doesn't excuse outright dickery.
Modern feminism isn't feminism, it's just Misandry in disguise.
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When a new supervisor says I'm not a micromanager and I'm not into drama, it's guaranteed that they are actually both.
#56 Everyone should believe the same things and act the same way socially, and it should be the way the media says. Sorry, that is not tolerant or embracing diversity. You can't have it both ways. If you want social broad-mindedness you have to allow room for the narrow-minded to exist without judgment. Otherwise you are being self-contradictory. Most people don't get that about this cancel culture we are dealing with. It is as wrong as that which you are trying to cancel. Maybe even more so.
Because I hate being asked about myself and my life, I also don't ask others anything, for the most part, until I've seen them in action with others for a while. I especially hate being asked if I have any children (did, but both died a long, long time ago). If I say they're deceased, people get "that" look, the one where the eyes suddenly light up, and they're licking their chops, hoping for a juicy-details story. I usually walk away without explanation, not wanting to yet again go into details they don't need. Just know it still hurts, ok, and it's not a subject open for free conversation (not addressing that to anyone on here, just saying it in general).
"I don' t know what i can say around you" when people don't like my response to that and wanted me to take in and act on bahalf of their "helpful" tips, because only they know what really is right
#47..active duty here...um...we call everyone male or female. It's unprofessional in this line of work to say men or women or guys or girls. It's male or female. And I'm sorry but after years of being in the military it's a habit. Hard habit to change.
My new "favourite" situation is when someone gives me unsolicited advice about my work, followed by "I hope you are not upset by my critique, I'm only telling this to you because you and I are both professionals!" Yeah, right! If you respected me as a professional, you would not jump in with your critique, you would ask me first why I've made such and such choice in creating my work and respected me for that. And if you were itching to comment on something, you'd say "I have an idea about this part - would you like me to tell you what I thought?" And be prepared to hear "No, thank you" from me. Giving unsolicited advice and excusing it with "we are both professionals" is disrespectful and hurtful and should stop.
Some sleazy but most of these are bullying, country simple.
Another one is "no offense but (proceeds to say something incredibly offensive)"
People who claim they hate drama are usually the ones starting it.
People who like to advertise how kind and compassionate they are. It's one of those things you are supposed to show, not tell.
Now I am paranoid about the things I say.The world is becoming more sensitive but is it being considerate too?
This article covered 99% of the problem. If you have been on the receiving end of these, there is a good chance you don't practice them. Peace.
Load More Replies... I have always found when anyone I am just meeting starts with "I'm a Christian." usually indicates something mean will surface soon . . . that I'm not as valuable a person as them, nor what I do or think. However, this does same me a lot of time . . . NEXT!
I've found drama is complicated; truth is simple.
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Some of them are true and have a point (especially racist ones or passive-agressive non-apologies) but others are way too vague to be able to deduct whether the person saying them is a red flag or is actually saying something valid. For example " if you can't handle me at my worst.." depends on whether they say that over them being angry about you mispronouncing their middle name by mistake - vs them having an actually very bad day at work and something extra bad happened that day etc and they didn't have the best attitude that day (they should still probably apologize but still, phrase checks out there).
Some of these are just downright picky and many of them just take a little finesse to work with I don’t find all of these as being bad traits people are people and we’re all learning some of us are doing our best and we just know what we’re taught, sometimes helping people to use different tools makes a better relationship.
To come to a country as an immigrant and not be able to learn so much of the "foreign language" in 25 years, that one can have a simple conversation. You have had children who grew up there and who of course speak the language fluently. Anyone who does not learn the language of the country in which he / she lives in such a long time is simply ignorant and lazy in a way. If I decide to live in a country, where the language is different, than my native language, I learn that language, as fast as possible.
I've lived in Japan for over 20 years. Yes, I can have simple conversations in a restaurant, at a shop, with my doctor, etc., but I'm far from fluent. I spent most of the last 20 years working 5, 6 and 7 days a week, 12-13 hours a day, in jobs in which I was told NOT to speak ANY Japanese at work. I was hired to speak English. If you have work staff, for example, who all speak Spanish all day, and they work 6 days a week, maybe working 12 hours days to pay the rent, they may be too exhausted to study on their day off, too busy raising kids, too poor to pay for lessons. There could be a LOT of reasons other than "lazy and ignorant" to not know the language.
Load More Replies... People who constantly tell you how much and how hard they work. *eyeroll*
Anyone who asks you about your views on a particular hot-button topic out of the blue. That person is just looking for a fight.
Someone once told me, "people tell you who they are, it's your responsibility to listen." I have not listened, many times, to my own detriment.
Or I listen and then make excuses for them to avoid having to admit they did something sh*tty.
Load More Replies... A lot of these are bad only because of how they are popularly used by certain people. It's interesting to me that language is like that. That a term that should mean well is turned sour by awful people.
In my experience, "I'm a good person" has only been uttered by the worst people I've known, when they were caught at their worst. Put it right up there with "I'm a nice guy."
Sometimes people do need to be reminded that you are, in fact, a decent, nice person. I've been treated like dirt by a lot of people that thought I was an asshole, just due to rumors they heard, and never even bothered to get to know me. So yeah, sometimes you do need to tell people who you are, because many times they won't give you the chance to show them who you are.
Load More Replies... When I was still working, I used to really confound people when I would admit that I had done something or that I was responsible for whatever had happened. They were not used to people owning up to their mistakes or taking responsibility for their actions. Seeing their reactions to the admissions was more fun than trying to cover up the action.
"He's a nice guy once you get to know him." Translation: he's an azzhole, but you'll get used to it.
Or, he/she's shy and guarded around people due to being s**t on by them for years, so it can take a while for him/her to let you in.
Load More Replies... I hate when people use "I'm a feminist" to justify just awful behavior towards not just men, but also women, and LGBTQ+. TERFs like JK Rowling, comedians like Aisling Bea, influencers like Lacey Green, etc. We need feminism to be angry and aggressive because it's the only way people listen, but that doesn't excuse outright dickery.
Modern feminism isn't feminism, it's just Misandry in disguise.
Load More Replies... When a new supervisor says I'm not a micromanager and I'm not into drama, it's guaranteed that they are actually both.
#56 Everyone should believe the same things and act the same way socially, and it should be the way the media says. Sorry, that is not tolerant or embracing diversity. You can't have it both ways. If you want social broad-mindedness you have to allow room for the narrow-minded to exist without judgment. Otherwise you are being self-contradictory. Most people don't get that about this cancel culture we are dealing with. It is as wrong as that which you are trying to cancel. Maybe even more so.
Because I hate being asked about myself and my life, I also don't ask others anything, for the most part, until I've seen them in action with others for a while. I especially hate being asked if I have any children (did, but both died a long, long time ago). If I say they're deceased, people get "that" look, the one where the eyes suddenly light up, and they're licking their chops, hoping for a juicy-details story. I usually walk away without explanation, not wanting to yet again go into details they don't need. Just know it still hurts, ok, and it's not a subject open for free conversation (not addressing that to anyone on here, just saying it in general).
"I don' t know what i can say around you" when people don't like my response to that and wanted me to take in and act on bahalf of their "helpful" tips, because only they know what really is right
#47..active duty here...um...we call everyone male or female. It's unprofessional in this line of work to say men or women or guys or girls. It's male or female. And I'm sorry but after years of being in the military it's a habit. Hard habit to change.
My new "favourite" situation is when someone gives me unsolicited advice about my work, followed by "I hope you are not upset by my critique, I'm only telling this to you because you and I are both professionals!" Yeah, right! If you respected me as a professional, you would not jump in with your critique, you would ask me first why I've made such and such choice in creating my work and respected me for that. And if you were itching to comment on something, you'd say "I have an idea about this part - would you like me to tell you what I thought?" And be prepared to hear "No, thank you" from me. Giving unsolicited advice and excusing it with "we are both professionals" is disrespectful and hurtful and should stop.
Some sleazy but most of these are bullying, country simple.
Another one is "no offense but (proceeds to say something incredibly offensive)"
People who claim they hate drama are usually the ones starting it.
People who like to advertise how kind and compassionate they are. It's one of those things you are supposed to show, not tell.
Now I am paranoid about the things I say.The world is becoming more sensitive but is it being considerate too?
This article covered 99% of the problem. If you have been on the receiving end of these, there is a good chance you don't practice them. Peace.
Load More Replies... I have always found when anyone I am just meeting starts with "I'm a Christian." usually indicates something mean will surface soon . . . that I'm not as valuable a person as them, nor what I do or think. However, this does same me a lot of time . . . NEXT!
I've found drama is complicated; truth is simple.
Load More Replies... Some of them are true and have a point (especially racist ones or passive-agressive non-apologies) but others are way too vague to be able to deduct whether the person saying them is a red flag or is actually saying something valid. For example " if you can't handle me at my worst.." depends on whether they say that over them being angry about you mispronouncing their middle name by mistake - vs them having an actually very bad day at work and something extra bad happened that day etc and they didn't have the best attitude that day (they should still probably apologize but still, phrase checks out there).
Some of these are just downright picky and many of them just take a little finesse to work with I don’t find all of these as being bad traits people are people and we’re all learning some of us are doing our best and we just know what we’re taught, sometimes helping people to use different tools makes a better relationship.
To come to a country as an immigrant and not be able to learn so much of the "foreign language" in 25 years, that one can have a simple conversation. You have had children who grew up there and who of course speak the language fluently. Anyone who does not learn the language of the country in which he / she lives in such a long time is simply ignorant and lazy in a way. If I decide to live in a country, where the language is different, than my native language, I learn that language, as fast as possible.
I've lived in Japan for over 20 years. Yes, I can have simple conversations in a restaurant, at a shop, with my doctor, etc., but I'm far from fluent. I spent most of the last 20 years working 5, 6 and 7 days a week, 12-13 hours a day, in jobs in which I was told NOT to speak ANY Japanese at work. I was hired to speak English. If you have work staff, for example, who all speak Spanish all day, and they work 6 days a week, maybe working 12 hours days to pay the rent, they may be too exhausted to study on their day off, too busy raising kids, too poor to pay for lessons. There could be a LOT of reasons other than "lazy and ignorant" to not know the language.
Load More Replies... People who constantly tell you how much and how hard they work. *eyeroll*
Anyone who asks you about your views on a particular hot-button topic out of the blue. That person is just looking for a fight.
