It takes some time to get to know another person. And it’s not only about what they do and what they like, but also how they interact with you and others. Some small, insignificant comments or remarks can actually have a hidden meaning and reveal that someone you know does not necessarily have good intentions. Throughout time, by getting to know others better and by gaining experience, people start to see signs of others being manipulative or inconsiderate. Having this in mind, Reddit user u/neilnelly asked people “What is something subtle people say that is a red flag to you?”

This gave a green light for other users to share what they find annoying and alarming about other people’s behavior, from people complimenting others just to achieve personal gain to imposing their own views on others when it's unwanted. Here is the list of 55 things people say to trick you into something that should be taken into account as these are some major red flags.

What are other obvious signs you know that people use to trick or deceive others? Leave your thoughts in the comments down below!

More Info: Reddit

#1

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers I used to go to the bar after work with coworkers. One of the managers didn't go, but a coworker kept encouraging him to come out and party. He relented and said he'd come out for one drink. At the bar, he took a sip and said "ah, I haven't had a beer in 5 months". No one else took notice of that, but it struck me. He was gone a week later after coming into work drunk and doing something inappropriate.

To anyone reading this: If someone doesn't want to drink, accept no for an answer. They might have a very good reason to say no, and pressing them on it, especially when well intentioned, might make it much harder for them to say no.

BelowDeck , Lou Stejskal Report

Stephanie IV
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Yes! accept a NO RIGHT AWAY! In any case! Would you like something to eat? No, thanks. OK! Would you like to join? No, thanks! OK! etc. So many potential triggers that people are desperate to steer clear of.

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#2

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers Idk if this is one, but when people say things like “I can say and do whatever I want” “it’s a free country. Ever hear of freedom of speech?” in order to justify s****y things they say or do. Like sure, you have the right to speak your mind, but people also have the right to judge you for what you say.

87319496 , prisca schmarsow Report

JennyLaRue
Community Member
2 months ago

They forget that Freedom of Speech works in both directions of an opinion

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#3

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers Don't be so sensitive (or something to that effect). Big warning sign that they A- don't care about your feelings, and B- can't take responsibility for their behaviour

Heart_in_her_eye , micadew Report

R Carson
Community Member
2 months ago

Basically-don't be you.

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#4

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers It was just a joke. Where's your sense of humor?

chuchimumi , Aina Vidal Report

Katie Lutesinger
Community Member
2 months ago

Schroedinger's Douchebag: The person who says something cruel and nasty, then decides whether it was "just a joke" based on the reaction they get.

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#5

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers “Ok fine I’m sorry happy?” That’s not an apology.

Celq124 , Alan Levine Report

denzoren
Community Member
2 months ago

That's like saying, "I'm sorry for being a jerk but...."

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#6

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers Anything that exposes poor morals. For example, "I'll just say I never got it so they send me another one."

When people show you who they really are, believe them. Love this quote.

emik7133 , Tracey Adams Report

R Carson
Community Member
2 months ago

Me too.

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#7

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers I'm not racist but

thiosk , zoetnet Report

denzoren
Community Member
2 months ago

You're definitely 100% racist. Lol

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#8

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers “I’m brutally honest” or some other excuse to be an unbearable person.

mywifemademegetthis , Pedro Ribeiro Simões Report

JennyLaRue
Community Member
2 months ago

Anyone can be brutally honest, but everyone else has probably worked out that people don't respond well to the lack of tact, sensitivity and empathy, so it doesn't bode well for the long term if you're just rolling round making people feel s**t about themselves.

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#9

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers Treating service staff poorly, then turning around and being disingenuous.

Ariandrin , Terinea IT Support Report

Abhinc
Community Member
2 months ago

yes !!! the way people treat waiters/ waitresses or cashiers says a lot about who they really are deep inside

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#10

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers If they wronged you and say something like, "I'm such a terrible person, you should leave me." It's them trying to force sympathy on them instead of genuinely apologizing to you. They're not going to change if you stay.

AnonyMissBliss , Alexey Dushutin Report

Nay Wilson
Community Member
2 months ago

my mother used to say this to me, leaving me feeling like i had no choice but to reply with 'no you're not, you're a good person' (FYI, she wasnt a good person, she was narcissistic and abusive)

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#11

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers I personally move away from people who constantly one up someone's story or experience

Classic-Daikon-5448 , Pedro Ribeiro Simões Report

Lauren Caswell
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Again putting this out there: some ppl genuinely have learned that sharing a common experience with someone is a good way to make social bonds. I only recently learned just how many people do not seem to feel this way. I already knew to rein in it and only share experiences sometimes, but I don't ever do it as oneupsmanship. I'm finding myself less sure nowadays about ever doing it at all, which sucks because it is one of my learned strategies and I don't have a big arsenal to choose from

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#12

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers I’m a guy but anytime I hear other guys say “friend zone” or “girls only date a**holes” or anything that sounds incel/misogynistic, I’m not going to be too fond of the person

OW2000 , Nick Gray Report

Aliquid A
Community Member
2 months ago

My response "if girls only date a**holes, why are you always single?"

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#13

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers Positive vibes only!

gfitzy7 , Glen Bledsoe Report

denzoren
Community Member
2 months ago

Well sorry Susan, I had a rough week.

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#14

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers “I try to be more like my kids’ friend than their mom.”

holyurushiol , Leonid Mamchenkov Report

Viviane
Community Member
2 months ago

Sometimes, you have to risk being hated by your kids to raise them into functioning adults. It sucks, it's hard, but being liked all the time should not be the primary goal of raising them.

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#15

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers “Yeah, but YOU don’t act black.”

The f**k?

cherenkov_light , Johnny Silvercloud Report

denzoren
Community Member
2 months ago

How is someone supposed to act an ethnicity/race. Don't give in to stereotypes.

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#16

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers Making rude comments about homeless ppl and being rude to waitstaff

LittleLulu333 , Carl Graph Report

Anthony Mann
Community Member
2 months ago

Those people almost always feel like that could NEVER happen to them. It's always a failing of the waiter/homeless person's (morality/religion/class/race - take your pick) in their eyes, and only that reason.

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#17

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers Non-apologies.

“I’m sorry you got offended by what I said.”

SelfDiagnosedUnicorn , Guian Bolisay Report

K. Lange
Community Member
2 months ago

i learned this phrase while working for a callcenter. Because you shouldn*t apologize for what happened (for reasons of liability) but apologize for the feelings the caller has, so that he feels heard.

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#18

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best.

paperclip1213 , Robbert van der Steeg Report

Grant Barke
Community Member
2 months ago

This one is the reddest of red flags.

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#19

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers "Sorry I did this and that, It's just my inner zodiac sign."

Like, your zodiac sign doesn't define you, you're just being a s****y person and using that phrase as a cover up.

Tiredchopsticks , Peter Corbett Report

Carmen Sandiego
Community Member
2 months ago

Oh sooo sorry, I can't help it, I'm an asparagus!

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#20

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers When people talk s**t on their spouses. Like even in the most subtle way it’s still not appropriate small talk. If it’s my best friend and she’s telling me about a hardship or a fight, different. But when I’m meeting you for the first time I shouldn’t be able to pick up that you dislike your spouse/SO.

Unhappy-Addendum-759 , irisgazer Report

denzoren
Community Member
2 months ago

It's like getting married but complaining about having to get married...we know deep down you're not joking.

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#21

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers When they disagree with someone, they default to attacking the person's character instead of their actions. We all do this from time to time, but with some people it's every time. The guy who messed up their order is "an idiot". Their boss is "an evil sociopath". The person on Facebook who expressed a political view that opposes theirs is "a degenerate". That new intern at work is "hopeless". In the end, the final result is that anyone they disagree with for any reason is either an inherently bad person who doesn't really merit listening to.

Celestaria , Frederick Dennstedt Report

R Carson
Community Member
2 months ago

Free speech has consequences-it would be nice to agree to disagree without personal attacks.

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#22

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers “I’m a nice guy” …. Sure you are. Why you gotta justify to me just show it.

littlecassowary , Andrij Bulba Report

denzoren
Community Member
2 months ago

If you're a nice guy you don't need to keep reminding people. Your actions will show it.

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#23

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers When they are the victim in all of their stories.

I had a colleague who didn't really have any friends outside of work. All of her stories were about how each of her friends had stabbed her in the back at one time or another. She went travelling to Australia with 6 girls and left early because they didn't want to do the things she wanted. It was glaringly obvious that she was the issue but still tried to play the sweet victim.

There is another girl from my high school who has gained quite a few followers on social media through sharing her stories of being bullied in school for being bald. No one can remember that ever happening, she was quite popular but had lost touch with her group as you do when you move away for college. Also, she was never bald.

Red flags when people enjoy pity.

POded99 , David Stanley Report

DarkAngelNic
Community Member
2 months ago

"Also, she was never bald." How can someone make a blatant lie and think no one is going to know? So freakin' weird.

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#24

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers Maybe this is nitpicky but people who give nicknames or use a shortened version of your name without asking if you mind it. It's annoyed me my whole life and always seems to correlate with them not respecting more serious boundaries later on.

Jazz_Brain , Sascha Kohlmann Report

Lisa Shaw
Community Member
2 months ago

This one bothers me too, has done since I was a child, I always use the name the person introduced themselves with, if they say David, I call them David, I never presume to call them Dave unless they specifically say "I go by Dave".

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#25

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers But you're so good at it. Aka I'll compliment you in the hope that you'll take this task off my hands.

amelie_v , Jessie Pearl Report

Leodavinci
Community Member
2 months ago

Worse yet is a family member (looking at spouse) who "volunteers" you to other family members or friends to "help" with something because you have some amount of knowledge/experience with it. No... just no. I don't want the responsibility if something goes wrong or doesn't work.

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#26

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers “I just tell it like it is…”

Is a red flag for me personally.

AnarchistWhiskey , Matus Laslofi Report

Connie Martin
Community Member
2 months ago

Absolutely, red flag

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#27

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers If they compliment themselves often but rarely or never others, for me that's an obvious narcissistic trait.

newtypehero , Myllena Azevedo Report

R Carson
Community Member
2 months ago

Run!

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#28

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers When they try to fish compliments. For example they say: ‘why am I so ugly?’

theDiscreetLurker , ErWin Report

denzoren
Community Member
2 months ago

My reply..."Idk, genetics probably."

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#29

“Well then I guess I’ll never do / buy / say / ask anything / (normal okay thing that isn’t actually the problem) ever again.”

eternal_dancer Report

Joe Blow
Community Member
2 months ago

This would be great! IF you never do it again.

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#30

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers “I’m an empath” makes me want to get in my car and drive ten hours in the opposite direction while shoving wool in my ears.

My last roommate called herself an empath. Turned out to be a 30 year old emotionally abusive a** who let her dog s**t in our apartment. Empath my a**

aards , Tom Woodward Report

Lisa Shaw
Community Member
2 months ago

I do find people use this term too freely, without actually knowing what it means, true empaths are on the rare side, however according to some social media pages they're averaging about 50% of the population. A true empath does not need to tell you, you will notice it in their personality and actions.

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#31

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers “I’m not (blank) but...(insert statement that affirms they are what they’re claiming not to be)

stokeszdude , Lachlan Hardy Report

Katie Lutesinger
Community Member
2 months ago

A close cousin of "No offence, but... [offensive remark]"

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#32

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers Pretty much anytime somebody says something about themself when it's not prompted or necessary.

Like "I'm an honest person", "I'm a hard worker", or "I'd never hit a woman".

jrhawk42 , Didriks Report

Anthony Mann
Community Member
2 months ago

A lot of the time, they are trying to plant that thought in your head, in case you hear the opposite from someone else. It's a 'preemptive' denial of something they think you will likely hear about.

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#33

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers my s/o wont let me do so & so

beamergirl_66 , Gilles FRANCOIS Report

R Carson
Community Member
2 months ago

If you need permission-something's wrong.

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#34

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers Asking what music you listen to, then immediately critiquing it, especially when you like main stream stuff. (I guess this applies to stuff other than music but that’s what annoys me the most)

keeper-of-calves , laura betancourt Report

Viviane
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

One way to handle different tastes is to say, "I'm more into __. What's the appeal for you? What do you like about it?" The answers might turn out to be very interesting. If not, you've at least been courteous and avoided pissing off the other person.

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#35

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers “That’s just the way God made me,” as an excuse for being a b***h or d**k. Like it’s just their personally and they can’t help it so we should all just accept it.

slfraire , Eric Chan Report

Abhinc
Community Member
2 months ago

yeah sure !! unless you're 4 you ARE responsible for who you are / what you do or say. if you're wrong or if you hurt people or behave poorly just take your responsibilities apologize and try to improve yourself. no discussion !! stop being a childish dishonest coward

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#36

Anyone who tries to convince you that you can trust them.

"Come on man, you can trust me. I'd never do that to you."

People who are actually trust worthy don't need to convince anyone of anything and they also know that real trust isn't freely given to people you barely know and are not offended when they are not given it.

Oblique9043 Report

Joe Blow
Community Member
2 months ago

if you dont trust me, then let’s just not even do it.

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#37

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers When someone says "they're my karma child" and implies their child makes their life so hard it must be payback for a mistake they made in the past. I usually discover this person has intense mental health or substance use history. It's a s****y way of mentioning their disdain for their kid.

thesensiblething , Tour The Triad Report

Stephanie IV
Community Member
2 months ago

..maybe ask what their child could have done wrong to deserve them as their parent. Their proverbial karma isn't a one way street.

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#38

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers "With all due respect."

I know a guy who says this so frequently that when he says it, I brace myself for the s**t to follow.

newenglandredshirt , Cydcor Report

Stephanie IV
Community Member
2 months ago

"If I'm honest" followed by their opinion du jour.

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#39

“I know what I’m worth.” Especially in a romantic setting, OLD or first date type stuff. It’s good to have a strong sense of self but I’ve found when this exact phrase is stated/listed something ain’t right.

serene_brutality Report

Nikki Sevven
Community Member
2 months ago

You're not a commodity; you're a human being.

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#40

Less a direct statement and more of a behavior, but I find myself becoming less able to hang out with the people I know who seem to have no respect for any type of input I have on a subject, despite me trying to always at least entertain what they're saying for the purpose of the discussion, even if it's absurd.

I'll have something to add, and they'll seem to not even hear what I've said, either ignoring it all together or immediately dismissing it as incorrect, sometimes even using the same arguments I just said in explaining why what I just said is nonsense.

And on the occasion that I actually decide to go through the effort of defending my stance, they usually end it with some dismissive statement like "well that's your opinion". Yes, that is my opinion, and considering the fact that I have been sitting here listening to and showing respect towards, even if not always supporting, your opinion, I think would justify me in asking for the same basic respect.

This turned into a rant, and I'm sorry about that. To put it shortly, I guess I'd say when a person seems to have a lot of difficulty with you disagreeing with them, and never seems to even pretend they are giving your position any real thought beyond "no, you're wrong because..." Then I'd say they aren't your friend, and you should consider no longer trying to be theirs.

MountainGloat Report

Jennifer Gould
Community Member
2 months ago

It is so frustrating to try to reason with someone who is so one sided. I find some people are just set in their ways and think they are always right. It makes friendship very difficult. I just avoid people who are so negative and like to argue. Being selective about who you interact with can be so helpful!

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#41

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers Recently had someone tell me "I hate being accused of lying." I'm sure we can all guess what he keeps getting caught doing...

InBtwixt , Simply CVR Report

Helen Haley
Community Member
2 months ago

I get so nervous when being questioned about anything I look like I'm lying even if I'm telling the truth. Been that way forever.

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#42

"I'm always open to debate."

I find most people that say that are open to lecture you, and closed to debate.

StringVar Report

Jennifer Gould
Community Member
2 months ago

I love that....Open to lecture you, and closed to debate! Perfectly put!

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#43

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers When I started my new job the bubbliest girl who was loved by most of the staff and was also a HR manager would act like this when me and her were totally alone.

She would whisper ever so softly (to herself but to me) "you get no thanks around here, no one cares. You just wait and watch the knives stabbing when you least expect it". This is something she did on my first DAY!! I said to her everyone seems lovely and accepting and she said "well wait until you get to know them".

This was a HR MANAGER!!

Edit I've just realised this isn't very subtle

Also Edit! Seems like alot of people see this girls actions as good. I don't, this was my first day and I really believe if people start talking about others they're setting the tone for YOU to perceive the person they are gossiping about, it made me nervous, your first day is bad enough. I was there for 7 months and not one person showed any signs of being a backstabber. Not one! Nothing even remotely shady.

Little_Hobbitt , Dan Taylor-Watt Report

Leodavinci
Community Member
2 months ago

As an HR manager, she probably heard stuff you never would.

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#44

Try to say, "It could have been worse" (Or something to that affect) everytime they make a mistake. "Yeah, it could have been worse, but you still wrecked my car Rachel"

UrasnoFlake2 Report

Leodavinci
Community Member
2 months ago

Many of these "red flags" are beginning to sound more like personally specific issues.

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#45

"Can't you just do it?" instead of wanting to learn something.

mmm-pistol-whip Report

Abhinc
Community Member
2 months ago

depends ... don't totally agree on this one. sometimes it's just telling your S/O i'm too tired to do it please help me.

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#46

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers Starting an argument for no reason and then not having the capacity to resolve it.

blippityblop , Iryna Yeroshko Report

TimesNewLogan
Community Member
2 months ago

So... 90% of the internet?

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#47

Referring to women as "females".

ChibiRedgrave Report

Leodavinci
Community Member
2 months ago

Do you also object to referring to men as "males"?

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#48

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers Never asking a question. My husband realized his father never does this and now I can’t stop listening for this.

foofoofoobears , Quinn Dombrowski Report

Dodo
Community Member
2 months ago

I don't really ask questions, because I'm socially awkward and don't know what's considered acceptable/unacceptable to ask

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#49

User Of This Online Group Asked Others “What Is Something Subtle People Say That Is A Red Flag To You?” And Here Are The 50 Best Answers You'll know I like you when I make fun of every single thing you do maliciously.

Like wth

tsoro , Brieuc Saffré Report

denzoren
Community Member
2 months ago

I think people use this in the whole "best friends who insult each other" way to make it seem okay but it's a completely different thing to do it maliciously.

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#50

Someone who frequently, in response to you telling them about a bad or inconvenient thing that happened to you, start with "Well what you SHOULD have done..." or "What I would have done..." and then argue with your reasonings for not finding their solution helpful. These people tend to be very opinionated and stubborn, even in situations they don't really know anything about. This is especially true if paired with a tendency to always win/have bad losing habits, are generally immature, or have a history of just not knowing what they're talking about but just want to assert themselves in the conversation anyways

Edit: To those who do this to a fault, it's a completely normal behavior! Sometimes it's hard to not begin searching for solutions to a loved one's problem. However it's different when you do it excessively, or to the point of making the other person feel stressed or incompetent. I'm mostly talking about this when it's accompanied by other red flags but can be a standalone depending on frequency/social context

solaris_eclipse Report

Dodo
Community Member
2 months ago

I understand this one. If I try something and it goes wrong, my mother is always there to tell me what I *should* have done instead. Even though my way was valid, she automatically assumes her way is better.

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