We all know that wisdom takes time. Just like when you’re a child and burn yourself with an oven, only to realize some surfaces are hot and you'd better stay away from them, so are the other things that require years of constantly learning through your own experience.
So when someone asked a seemingly simple question “What do people learn too late?” on r/AskReddit it immediately resonated with everyone. With 76.4k upvotes and almost 20k comments, we have some of the most illuminating answers below.
From protecting your ears from loud music if you don’t want tinnitus for the rest of your life, to realizing that salary is not the entirety of an equation when it comes to your job satisfaction, these are the things people wish they hadn’t learned the hard way but known it from the beginning.
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You're not obliged to have children of your own. You can be happy and fulfilled without reproducing.
societies obsession with "when are you having kids"... and when you have a kid - "when are you having another" is all types of f****d up. Not everyone is cut out for having kids, some people cant have kids, some people just don't want kids.... leave them alone.
Don’t worry if you aren’t living an exciting or extravagant life. It’s okay to live simply and quietly. It doesn’t mean that you’re wasting your life.
The value of walking away from someone toxic in your life, even if it is your parents and family. If you are thinking of it and are scared and have somewhere where you can land in a safe place, then do it. It hurts like hell for a long while, but it gets better and one day you realize how peaceful your life is and you find you only miss the family you wish you had had.
Learning when to say no.
Learning how to apologise when it's your fault, and how to not apologise when it's not your fault.
Not everyone is going to like you, no matter how hard you try.
You are not supposed to like everyone and not everyone has to like you
Many college degrees have no job market.
Trade school is a financially solid option out of high school.
should bring them back , not all kids are academic some work better with their hands
Bring them back? Do they not have trade schools where you live?
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I don't understand the stigma about trade school, it practically guarantees a good job.
So are automotive mechanics and anything automotive for that matter (bodywork, etc).
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My husband is a plumber. He had to go through 5 years of apprenticeship, this is equal to the amount of schooling for many college degree required jobs. His only upside was that he was paid while doing it. At the end, he was required to take a test through the Department of Health (Illinois). It was not an easy test, and many don't pass the first time. He (and I) are proud of what he does. The only downside is when the economy is bad, there is little work.
Paid apprenticeship is certainly nothing to complain about
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I'm a high school teacher. I'm always telling my students that going into the trades can make them a lot more money if that's what they want. I also tell them to think about what college degree they are looking for. Some majors are completely useless.
Oh, how I wish I would have taken advantage of the auto shop classes in my high school, then followed up with a trade school. I liked college, don't get me wrong, but it turned out to be kind of a waste of money.
Especially in the liberal arts sector. College was pushed on the millennial generation in the early 2000s as the only way for upward mobility. Now we are the generation with the most debt. Trade schools have so much to offer.
Nope, the "college is the way to a better life" has been pushed for generations. I paid off my financial aid, but it took decades. This is not exclusive to one generation, and Millennials have been around long enough now to find other paths.
Load More Replies... A school where students learn skills that involve working with their hands Usually in professions that a lot of people look down on. But just remember when everyone knows how to operate computers in white collar jobs, the plumbers, electricians and woodworkers will earn more than all of them combined.
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My dad want to a trade school. He was a certified marine, auto, small engines, and diesel mechanic. There were people that lived in other states that would drop their boats off at our house because they only trusted him to fix it correctly.
The high school my kids went to didn't offer any classes like auto shop or metal shop. They were too worried about getting kids into AP classes. That's how they get more government money. The one thing that nearly 100% of kids will do when they grow up, is drive a car. Sure, they offer driver's education, but they don't teach anything about owning or maintaining a car.
I went to an elite prep school. I can count all the times being able to recite Caesars Gallic Campaigns in the original Latin has come in handy on one finger -- the middle one. There was no shop class or home ec, no life skills. As a latch key gen Xer with parents engaged in a bitter divorce I really could have used some basic life skills because they weren't being taught at home. Even Queen Elizabeth knows how to service an engine. Why my parents and my school thought it was below people of our status to learn such skills still astounds me.
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Really think about that Theatre or Art History degree. Not saying don’t do it, but know that it will be an uphill battle to find work in your degree field- especially depending on where you live or where you can be financially secure living in the future. Saying you’ll just move to New York or LA sounds great but have you researched housing, job, cost of living?
Yup. You do not need to go to college right after high school. Wait and work for a few years. Or go to community college for prerequisites.
Forget about “doing what you love” because that can become a trap. Seek something to kickstart your own engine of wealth creation. Once you have a reliable revenue stream you can use that to learn whatever you want in your spare time without ending up in a virtual debtor’s prison.
If you "do what you love" to earn a living, then you end up *having* to do what you love instead of doing it because you *want* to.
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I needed someone to tell me this back in 2006 when I entered Uni. As much as I love science and academics, I would have concentrated on a trade instead....now I'm stuck in an office job making minimal salary and those guys who did trades are doing very very well.
One of my nephews went this route because he is not academically inclined. He is now earning FAR more than his cousins that went the traditional college route and he gets job offers every day.
Yeah... I studied for 6 years (bachelor + master) only to understand that what I really would love to do is sew clothing and that I could just go to learn this trade in the first place... Also, I couldn't find a job for over a year with my bachelor diploma. Master degree helped me better but then I realized that I really don't want to work this. I finally found a job that is not related to my studies, and I hope that one I will be able to sew clothes only and live from it.
Yes, yes, trades are needed & wanted. It was down played for so many years. Get a degree, that's all the harped on!
in many areas you can attend trade school while in high school and graduate simultaneously
One of the few disadvantages of not living in a compulsory society, is that people get lost without some experience outside of their comfort zone, and wind up with dead end or no prospect of enduring (or even any kind of) career. There is something to be said for (not necessarily advocating for, mind you) for a serving requirement in either a college (paid for, as would any of the alternatives I am elucidating) trade school, or even the military, upon graduation of high school. Two years certainly would not kill any one....unless the military option would be during war time. The person would have certainly the right to choose between the three (I am sure there are other opportunities) barring a decent job immediately following graduation.
and many trade school 'majors' are a scam and also have no job market. do your research, AND DONT TAKE OUT ANY STUDENT LOANS
+100 I served an apprenticeship way back when in something I was interested in. Now I design tools and fixtures, use very expensive machines to measure things, and make much more than the new engineer hires I constantly have to train.
Everyone sjould take at least a one year certificate in something before college.
Corollary -- some degrees are nothing more than trade training and really aren't worth top dollar. If you are planning to be a plaintiff's side PI attorney CUNY is just as good NYU. (If you want to get into academics or politics it's different). Before deciding on where to go for law school or med school remember these really are trades. Know your goals. And honestly asses your ability to achieve those goals. Don't buy more degree than you need. (Signed someone with $150K in Ivy League law school debt making less hourly than my electrician).
I was always academically smart (until coursework, which I hate) but uni has no attractive features for me. Went into jobs with practical applications, though I can't say I've not regretted some of them. There's a lot of life to experience, so you just have to find whatever you can live with and make it work.
My husband had a business degree, an IT degree that specializes in security. He can't get a job with those degrees due to all requirements being 5 years or more experience. He works at the Denver Mint making good money and all his college was useless.
Some CEO's think a college degree is thebe all and end all of the hiring process. I was up for a promotion in a lab, where I was trained by a microbiologist this other fellow applied and got the job. Being the nosey person that I am asked why I didn't get the position. I was told the other guy had a B.A. I later found out that the B.A. was in GEOGRAPHY!
Trade schools have evolved as the trades have evolved. I am a huge proponent expanding them and what they do so I've done some work with a local one near me. At said school, they teach programming in both their diesel and aircraft mechanic tracks because 2 lines of code responding to an error message could save you 10 hours of work. They have programs to get your Google and Amazon certifications. I know a 19 year old project manager from the school who used that to get a job with a construction company running a highway widening. The machinist track now spends the second year teaching how to run and program both CNC and 3D printing machines. When the Model T killed the horse-drawn carriage industry, a man named Chevrolet saw it coming and pivoted his school and to use the same type of skills to create his own car company. A good trade school teaches you what you actually will need once you walk out the door.
The need to bring back the highschool programs for nursing, contracting, auto, fire, emt, etc.
Went to a trade school in my 40's. Came out as an LPN starting at $18.60 am hour.
Good to give young people alternatives and NOT to put more worth on one type of learning over the other.
Education is not always about getting a meal ticket, it can be about becoming better educated.
My degree is in business administration. I now have a lawn service instead of a cubicle.
Is this outlook a common thing or specific to certain countries ? I have never heard of anyone putting down trades, quite the opposite as tradespeople are rich as hell while everyone else lives pay check to pay check
True story - my friend went through higher education. Solid career, had two boys. The boys just did not do well in school, both dropped out before graduating. Both have higher paying jobs than my friends does. So much for good parental advise. What may be good solid advice for one generation may not be so for the next. Society norms change constantly
A cat on his back inviting a chesty rub is a trap.
I'm really happy that all three of mine welcome them. When I have friends over, most are weary of my claims that their hands and arms are safe, but it's true!
That it's possible to do everything right and still lose. Just life innit.
That's being wrong and changing your mind is actually nothing to be ashamed of.
Don’t ever think it’s ok to “talk” to yourself in a manner you wouldn’t let another human being talk to you.
The biggest abuser I ever had in my life, was my constant companion: the thoughts in my head.
We often take care to choose our words when correcting a child or friend... but if anyone had talked to me, the way I talked to me for 30 straight years, I would have murdered them... and probably got away with it too.
Be nice to yourself, you’re the only you, you have.
That mental & emotional abuse are a real thing.
Red flags.
That being a parent is not always "the most rewarding thing in the world".
It's stressful. My mother looks way older than she should, she's always tired and busy... It's horrifying!
The value of a good/unconditional friend.
I would rather not have any , then have toxic ones, my husband is my best friend
Knowing when to NOT be nice.
At least somebody gets it. My best friend is all sweet and innocent and overly nice, and I just wish that she would be a F*****G BITCH occasionally. Especially to me. I deserve it.
How soul crushing, unproductive, impotent and wasteful worrying about things is.
What not to share on the internet.
I think in the 90ies teens knew not to do this very well. Today's teens however seem to do the opposite and I find that quite worrying. It's going to bite at least some of them in the backside in a nasty way later in life.
That the cliche "you never know when it's the last time you'll see to someone" should absolutely be remembered for every occasion. My best friend just died in a car accident this past Saturday, and the last time I saw him we got in an argument and he left and we didn't speak after that. I'm destroyed by it
Oh gosh. I couldn’t imagine. The last time I spoke to my mother, we had an argument. She went into a coma that night and passed away.
That hating people who are different makes you nothing but unhappy.
That some things can never be undone.
The actions you take and the words you speak will come back around sooner or later.
How short life is.
"Everybody you fight is not your enemy and everybody that helps you is not your friend." - Mike Tyson
Did Iron Mike really say that? That is genuinely profound!
The sun is the worst thing for your skin, it burns you, causes cancer, and gives you wrinkles. SPF is your friend.
100 upvotes for this. But the sun is also needed for Vitamin D..."in little amount"
That happiness usually comes from a diverse range of interests, hobbies, and commitments. You are not your job. Your romantic partner cannot be your everything, etc. It's so easy to get sucked into a life where your career is everything or where you wrap your entire identity around your partner. There is nothing wrong with celebrating your loved ones and being close. And there is nothing wrong with caring about your job...you just need more to thrive. I see this so often in relationships. Two people meet and fall in love. They each inspire one another based on their interests and achievements, it's part of what makes them fall in love. But slowly, over time, they let those hobbies go. Stress gets in the way. Bills pile up. And then one day they find themselves wondering why they ever loved this person in the first place. Instead of being sexy and interesting they're just part of a routine.
TLDR: Diversify your interests and activities to be happy. Don't rely on a single person, hobby, or commitment to give you everything you need.
How to communicate.
My grandma used to say that 'Communication is the key to any successful relationship'
To appreciate their youth.
I used to be very critical of myself as ateen, în my 20s....now at 37 i just think how dumb I was
How to not give a [damn] about how others see you.
Seems simple enough for me now in my 20s, but back in high school there were many f**ks given about how others saw me. Ironically, those people that didn’t care how others saw them were often the more respected ones.
Saying “I love you” or wanting to reach out to your family, friends, and loved ones, but crippling anxiety stops you. You never know when it may be too late to say these things, so be in the moment, and live/love in the present authentically.
Interest rates, credit cards, credit score, money saving techniques, 401K. In other words anything that keeps you from being trapped by poor money management.
To stop being afraid of asking or pursuing the things you want in life
No one else will help you be yourself. Don't live for others all the time.
Social media can consume your life. It’s not all real, and not everyone posting pictures is having a great time, and not every “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WE SHOULD CATCH UP” is genuine.
So much of social media consists of passing on the latest trendy meme, trolling, or arguing about politics. Very little real communication takes place.
The importance of education. As a kid your always hear generic statements like, "This will help your career" but nothing specific enough to be useful.
I feel like the emphasize on education sucked the joy out of my teen years especially. So I don't agree with this one. Education is important, but don't align your entire childhood to some "career" in the future.
You are your biggest limitation.
That's BS. Your parents, your environment, your education and the people you or your parents know decide your future.
Note: this post originally had 90 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.
OH and that you can disagree with someone, even on something important, and that doesn't make them a bad person nor does it make you one
It does if they don't believe in equality. Yes, the are bad people.
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Learn how to speak to a group. Public speaking. The first few times in front of an audience will be terrifying but push through.
But why do you have to "push yourself"? Isn't it better simply to choose a job that you don't have to do public speaking and make yourself do it if it terrifies you? What about "love yourself" and "don't make yourself do things you really don't want to do"? Not everybody needs to speak in public so just, why?
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that you can decline to be weighed at the Dr's office. (I suffered from eating disorders as a teenager, and I suffer/obsess over my weight. I've learned to maintain it by judging how my clothing is fitting.) I allow my Dr to record my weight twice yearly, but to not disclose it to me (unless they are concerned). Since adopting this policy, I'm much happier after an appointment, my clothes fit perfectly well and my Dr now seems less concerned with me as a set of statistics, more aware of my general well being.
The most important lesson I learned way too late in life is that it's more important to be true to yourself than to be what people expect you to be.
I'd add: Do NOT make your hobby your career/source of income. I keep making this mistake.
I learnt that in the 90's mate, playing shitty angry punk music in my mate's garage wasn't ever going to pay the bills.
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And earplugs! My husband's been a welder for over 40 years and blew off earplugs too often. He now wears hearing aids.
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Asking questions. I have a colleague who is still pretty new, so she asks plenty of questions, but is worried that she may be annoying. I told her it's better to ask questions and do your job well than to not say anything, make tons of mistakes, and barrel through the day like an idiot.
Trust your gut when it says "danger." Sure it can be wrong and probably has been on many occasions, but in dangerous situations it's usually right, and better safe than sorry.
What not to share on the internet? Your naked body. Don't do Only Fans, girls. It will follow you for the rest of your life, and you'll have opportunities denied to you if it ever comes out that you did soft porn for subscribers, and for what? For the enjoyment of some creepy dudes who lack the social skills to get a real girlfriend? For some McDonald's cash? You won't be making stacks. Save your dignity, and your future. Sex "work" isn't empowering. You've been lied to, and it isn't for your benefit. Save getting naked for sexy times with your partner, and treat yourself with the dignity you deserve.
So many of these I learned over 5 decades on the planet and some I'm still learning. Life is a full time gig. Until it's not.
My kids are 21 and 17...I always told them use a condom to protect yourself from HIV and STDS. Babies are the last thing you have to worry about! When ur in a relationship get tested frequently. I know its hard to bring up a child when u are young but I'd rather have a healthy grandchild and child than a dying one xx
Sometimes these articles are too long, I think I have finished and then it says another 45 images or something, if I start something I have to finish it.
But sunglasses give me a headache, I'll have to skin #5.
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Kids will eat their vegetables without fuss if they see you eating them too. Both my girls love carrots and broccoli and the oldest constantly steals pieces of sweet pepper while I'm preparing dinner!
The best life lesson I ever learned - People will treat you the way that you allow them to treat you.
Never touch hard drugs. this will bring you nothing but ruin. Don't drink more than 2 drinks of alcohol per day. 3 on special occasions. be independant from your parents. no matter how your parents say they love you, if you feel you're suffocating take your distances from them, and stay firm on your breathing zone. like Mom, i love you, but you come to my house only if you called before. And last, but not least, don't quit school. try to clear up your head about the job you'd like to do, and do it. but don't quit school. coz when you do, then it can be real tricky to be able to study again. Keep hope
And not just hard drugs. Don't underestimate the damage marijuana can do. You can smoke some from time to time, but smoking it on a regular basis can change a person. This is especially tricky when you're young. In your late teens it's not uncommon for a person to become more introverted and less interested in hanging out with his buddies. Only when looking back at this period in my life as an adult I realise I was going through my first mild depression. Especially considering the fact my behaviour changed back into being more extraverterd and socially active after I stopped smoking weed.
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If you tell yourself you can, you may be wrong. If you tell yourself you can't, you will definitely be right.
If you're very passionate about/involved in a social or political cause, take a deep hard look at yourself and try to determine: Am I doing this to help other people, or am I acting out resentment by lashing out at society? Like George Orwell once said: Most socialist actually don't care about the poor, they just hate the rich.
I love this. I feel like if people listened to this our world (especially my country, America) would be so much more peaceful.
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THE BIGGEST LATE LIFE LESSONS TO FINALLY LEARN: A little bird was enjoying a long summer in the far north. Suddenly, cold weather set in. The little guy had neglected to fly south for the winter. He was cold, sad, and most miserable. So he sets out flying south until his wings freeze up in a snow storm. He lands in a field next to a big cow, who promptly dumps on top of him an enormous pile of stinky cow poop. The little bird is now warm and snug under the steamy pile. He makes his way to the top of the pile and starts to sing because he is SOOO HAPPY. A cat hears the bird singing and goes over and eats him. MORALS TO BE FOUND IN THIS STORY: 1) Know when the party is over and it is time to leave. Don't be the last guest to leave. 2) Everyone who sh*ts on you is not your enemy. 3) The person who gets you out of a big stinking pile of s**t is not necessarily your friend. 4) If you are warm and happy sitting in a steaming pile of s**t, keep your mouth shut, relax, and enjoy it.
Wouldn't that be nice? To have life all figured out right from the start? Glad you did. Most of us don't.
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OH and that you can disagree with someone, even on something important, and that doesn't make them a bad person nor does it make you one
It does if they don't believe in equality. Yes, the are bad people.
Load More Replies... Learn how to speak to a group. Public speaking. The first few times in front of an audience will be terrifying but push through.
But why do you have to "push yourself"? Isn't it better simply to choose a job that you don't have to do public speaking and make yourself do it if it terrifies you? What about "love yourself" and "don't make yourself do things you really don't want to do"? Not everybody needs to speak in public so just, why?
Load More Replies... that you can decline to be weighed at the Dr's office. (I suffered from eating disorders as a teenager, and I suffer/obsess over my weight. I've learned to maintain it by judging how my clothing is fitting.) I allow my Dr to record my weight twice yearly, but to not disclose it to me (unless they are concerned). Since adopting this policy, I'm much happier after an appointment, my clothes fit perfectly well and my Dr now seems less concerned with me as a set of statistics, more aware of my general well being.
The most important lesson I learned way too late in life is that it's more important to be true to yourself than to be what people expect you to be.
I'd add: Do NOT make your hobby your career/source of income. I keep making this mistake.
I learnt that in the 90's mate, playing shitty angry punk music in my mate's garage wasn't ever going to pay the bills.
Load More Replies... And earplugs! My husband's been a welder for over 40 years and blew off earplugs too often. He now wears hearing aids.
Load More Replies... Asking questions. I have a colleague who is still pretty new, so she asks plenty of questions, but is worried that she may be annoying. I told her it's better to ask questions and do your job well than to not say anything, make tons of mistakes, and barrel through the day like an idiot.
Trust your gut when it says "danger." Sure it can be wrong and probably has been on many occasions, but in dangerous situations it's usually right, and better safe than sorry.
What not to share on the internet? Your naked body. Don't do Only Fans, girls. It will follow you for the rest of your life, and you'll have opportunities denied to you if it ever comes out that you did soft porn for subscribers, and for what? For the enjoyment of some creepy dudes who lack the social skills to get a real girlfriend? For some McDonald's cash? You won't be making stacks. Save your dignity, and your future. Sex "work" isn't empowering. You've been lied to, and it isn't for your benefit. Save getting naked for sexy times with your partner, and treat yourself with the dignity you deserve.
So many of these I learned over 5 decades on the planet and some I'm still learning. Life is a full time gig. Until it's not.
My kids are 21 and 17...I always told them use a condom to protect yourself from HIV and STDS. Babies are the last thing you have to worry about! When ur in a relationship get tested frequently. I know its hard to bring up a child when u are young but I'd rather have a healthy grandchild and child than a dying one xx
Sometimes these articles are too long, I think I have finished and then it says another 45 images or something, if I start something I have to finish it.
But sunglasses give me a headache, I'll have to skin #5.
Load More Replies... Kids will eat their vegetables without fuss if they see you eating them too. Both my girls love carrots and broccoli and the oldest constantly steals pieces of sweet pepper while I'm preparing dinner!
The best life lesson I ever learned - People will treat you the way that you allow them to treat you.
Never touch hard drugs. this will bring you nothing but ruin. Don't drink more than 2 drinks of alcohol per day. 3 on special occasions. be independant from your parents. no matter how your parents say they love you, if you feel you're suffocating take your distances from them, and stay firm on your breathing zone. like Mom, i love you, but you come to my house only if you called before. And last, but not least, don't quit school. try to clear up your head about the job you'd like to do, and do it. but don't quit school. coz when you do, then it can be real tricky to be able to study again. Keep hope
And not just hard drugs. Don't underestimate the damage marijuana can do. You can smoke some from time to time, but smoking it on a regular basis can change a person. This is especially tricky when you're young. In your late teens it's not uncommon for a person to become more introverted and less interested in hanging out with his buddies. Only when looking back at this period in my life as an adult I realise I was going through my first mild depression. Especially considering the fact my behaviour changed back into being more extraverterd and socially active after I stopped smoking weed.
Load More Replies... If you tell yourself you can, you may be wrong. If you tell yourself you can't, you will definitely be right.
If you're very passionate about/involved in a social or political cause, take a deep hard look at yourself and try to determine: Am I doing this to help other people, or am I acting out resentment by lashing out at society? Like George Orwell once said: Most socialist actually don't care about the poor, they just hate the rich.
I love this. I feel like if people listened to this our world (especially my country, America) would be so much more peaceful.
Load More Replies... THE BIGGEST LATE LIFE LESSONS TO FINALLY LEARN: A little bird was enjoying a long summer in the far north. Suddenly, cold weather set in. The little guy had neglected to fly south for the winter. He was cold, sad, and most miserable. So he sets out flying south until his wings freeze up in a snow storm. He lands in a field next to a big cow, who promptly dumps on top of him an enormous pile of stinky cow poop. The little bird is now warm and snug under the steamy pile. He makes his way to the top of the pile and starts to sing because he is SOOO HAPPY. A cat hears the bird singing and goes over and eats him. MORALS TO BE FOUND IN THIS STORY: 1) Know when the party is over and it is time to leave. Don't be the last guest to leave. 2) Everyone who sh*ts on you is not your enemy. 3) The person who gets you out of a big stinking pile of s**t is not necessarily your friend. 4) If you are warm and happy sitting in a steaming pile of s**t, keep your mouth shut, relax, and enjoy it.
Wouldn't that be nice? To have life all figured out right from the start? Glad you did. Most of us don't.
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