We all know that wisdom takes time. Just like when you’re a child and burn yourself with an oven, only to realize some surfaces are hot and you'd better stay away from them, so are the other things that require years of constantly learning through your own experience.
So when someone asked a seemingly simple question “What do people learn too late?” on r/AskReddit it immediately resonated with everyone. With 76.4k upvotes and almost 20k comments, we have some of the most illuminating answers below.
From protecting your ears from loud music if you don’t want tinnitus for the rest of your life, to realizing that salary is not the entirety of an equation when it comes to your job satisfaction, these are the things people wish they hadn’t learned the hard way but known it from the beginning.
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You're not obliged to have children of your own. You can be happy and fulfilled without reproducing.
societies obsession with "when are you having kids"... and when you have a kid - "when are you having another" is all types of f****d up. Not everyone is cut out for having kids, some people cant have kids, some people just don't want kids.... leave them alone.
Parenting is misery a lot of the time. It's a crabs in a bucket mentality.
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Made this decision in my teens. Stuck with it. When told ‘you will change your mind when you meet the right person’ I responded ‘the right person for me is a person who doesn’t want kids’. Used to wind them a treat. Guess what I found the right person.
Now that I'm 50, people no longer say, "when are you having kids" and now ask me, "don't you regret not having kids?" Umm, no, I don't regret it. I do what I want, when I want, buy what I want, go wherever I want, etc. Totally free.
Ask them when they're regretting having THEIR kids
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Never wanted to be a parent. I'm 45 and childfree. It's not for everyone and no one is obligated to reproduce. It's also not your duty to give your parents grandkids.
Because too many have been absolutely brainwashed by peer pressure, patriarchy and societal norms that they don't stop for a second to think if reproducing is actually the right thing for them
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YES! Every day I'm thankful I don't have kids. My house is paid off, my car is paid off and I have money in the bank. I can also do whatever I want, when I want. You don't have to have kids because it's something you're 'supposed' to do. The planet is overpopulated as it is.
Ummm, I have kids and also a lot of properties in my name and nothing is paid by mortgage or loans. So I don't get this mentality that having kids will bankrupt you. Or maybe it depends on the country you live in?
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I think people haven’t connected the dots on this yet though. Many people know you don’t have to have kids, it’s becoming common enough. The next step is getting people to realize that parents and children are not more valuable members of society and that the importance of being a parent is easily matched by the importance of loving and caring for yourself, your partner, pets and parents. Especially in the workplace, but also with future planning, it seems parents consider their priorities more important than non-parenting duties and that just isn’t true.
Trigger alert. I never did this because it would be disrespectful to those who have been thru it, but whenever someone would push me about having more kids, I always wanted to cry all over them about my nonexistent struggles to have more kids, and just really pile on one horrific story after the other, just to watch their face and their desperate efforts to backtrack and apologize. Never did, definitely thought about it
I never particularly got the urge to have children. Then one day found out I actually would never have been able to carry a baby to term. One day my husband was with a bunch of fathers telling him what joy and delight he was missing. All the 'best thing to ever happen' types. So he told them 'we couldn't' without explaining why (though I told him only yesterday he can say it's me, I don't mind). Cue horrified silence. Then as the event progressed several men who had said how wonderful it was admitted that they weren't really that smitten with the whole thing, that they go along with the 'promotion' of it all because they feel they can't say the truth.
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I’m glad even as a guy (I know the pressure is less than what a lady will face) that I grew up in a family with a childless aunt who was just as welcome as anyone with kids in any of our homes and that she wasn’t married but had a life partner who had little to nothing to do with us kids. It just made it a normal thing for us and as the child free one of my brother and me it was not a bad thing when I expressed dislike of children as a whole and I was able to come to a clear understanding that I would be a horrific parent that no one would ever want raising them-not through neglect or abuse but my personality is not something that could raise a healthy person.
We don't need more children than we already have. Just let people choose.
I never wanted kids and I'm glad I didn't , but I love to be an aunt, a dedicated one and I'dlike to think that my childless ass has been quite helpful in raising these amazing persons. They never had to worry about a babysitter, someone to pick them up, take over home schooling duties.....and I love every second of it while I'm also glad they're not my sole responsibility.
If anyone asks me when I'm having kids, I'm going to say, 'Well, I'm ovulating on the 5th of Never Gonna Happen, and that means my ideal window is from then till the 7th of In Your F*****g Dreams, Perv.'
I always knew this, thankfully, and so did Mrs Voice, we have our animals and disposable income and are quite alright, she still gets asked a lot, still, at 37, me not so much now.
My only children are my dog and my hamster. And it'll always be that way.
Being obsessed with telling people you are or are not having children is so played out. Don't reproduce. Only a few people actually care and they will get over it.
With 8 billion of the most gas-guzzling large-sized vertebrates running around, we need to start incentivizing not having kids. I mean, kids need to be born, obviously, but not EVERYone needs to do it, and a whole lot more of us need to NOT do it.
I think it comes from the fact that for centuries people had no choices. You had babies. To be happy with that fact, they made up ideas or believes to make it acceptable to them.
How sad, Do you think your parents had you for YOUR sake????? but I really do agree with you, Selfish people should NEVER have kids. And nobody should have too many The world is horribly over populated by 'H. sapiens'
Huh? Who ever said you were? Although parents often want grandkids. Or pepole who have kids because the really want them, also really want Grandkids.
I decided when I was around 16 or 17 that I wasn't having kids because it simply was not for me... and then I trained my family to not ask me those questions every time they saw me! They had to learn!
Know thyself. As a mental health professional, I regularly see the effects of bad parenting. I respect people who know parenting is not for them.
Being frowned upon for not having kids ain't so bad. I'm a big person and I can usually find a sarcastic comment in retaliation!
Hmm-I was told by 2 in my so-called family I shouldn't have them when expecting my first, agreeing I needed to leave her with him and parents or consider adoption, at least foster care. They were more super PISSED upon hearing I had another(final time) on the way but pretending to be nice and accepting for around 10-12 yrs.(forgot now)!
As someone approaching retirement age, I have the regret of NOT having had children genetically my own. Helped raise step-kids, but still kinda wish I had become a proper parent.
Eeh... You aren't a proper parent just because you popped out a couple of semen demons
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I didn't know this, I also just found my career at the age of 40. I Originally never wanted kids, but had them and am very happy.
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Don’t worry if you aren’t living an exciting or extravagant life. It’s okay to live simply and quietly. It doesn’t mean that you’re wasting your life.
The value of walking away from someone toxic in your life, even if it is your parents and family. If you are thinking of it and are scared and have somewhere where you can land in a safe place, then do it. It hurts like hell for a long while, but it gets better and one day you realize how peaceful your life is and you find you only miss the family you wish you had had.
Learning when to say no.
Learning how to apologise when it's your fault, and how to not apologise when it's not your fault.
Not everyone is going to like you, no matter how hard you try.
You are not supposed to like everyone and not everyone has to like you
Many college degrees have no job market.
Trade school is a financially solid option out of high school.
A cat on his back inviting a chesty rub is a trap.
I'm really happy that all three of mine welcome them. When I have friends over, most are weary of my claims that their hands and arms are safe, but it's true!
That it's possible to do everything right and still lose. Just life innit.
That's being wrong and changing your mind is actually nothing to be ashamed of.
Don’t ever think it’s ok to “talk” to yourself in a manner you wouldn’t let another human being talk to you.
The biggest abuser I ever had in my life, was my constant companion: the thoughts in my head.
We often take care to choose our words when correcting a child or friend... but if anyone had talked to me, the way I talked to me for 30 straight years, I would have murdered them... and probably got away with it too.
Be nice to yourself, you’re the only you, you have.
That mental & emotional abuse are a real thing.
Red flags.
That being a parent is not always "the most rewarding thing in the world".
It's stressful. My mother looks way older than she should, she's always tired and busy... It's horrifying!
The value of a good/unconditional friend.
I would rather not have any , then have toxic ones, my husband is my best friend
Knowing when to NOT be nice.
At least somebody gets it. My best friend is all sweet and innocent and overly nice, and I just wish that she would be a F*****G BITCH occasionally. Especially to me. I deserve it.
How soul crushing, unproductive, impotent and wasteful worrying about things is.
What not to share on the internet.
I think in the 90ies teens knew not to do this very well. Today's teens however seem to do the opposite and I find that quite worrying. It's going to bite at least some of them in the backside in a nasty way later in life.
That the cliche "you never know when it's the last time you'll see to someone" should absolutely be remembered for every occasion. My best friend just died in a car accident this past Saturday, and the last time I saw him we got in an argument and he left and we didn't speak after that. I'm destroyed by it
Oh gosh. I couldn’t imagine. The last time I spoke to my mother, we had an argument. She went into a coma that night and passed away.
That hating people who are different makes you nothing but unhappy.
That some things can never be undone.
The actions you take and the words you speak will come back around sooner or later.
How short life is.
"Everybody you fight is not your enemy and everybody that helps you is not your friend." - Mike Tyson
Did Iron Mike really say that? That is genuinely profound!
The sun is the worst thing for your skin, it burns you, causes cancer, and gives you wrinkles. SPF is your friend.
100 upvotes for this. But the sun is also needed for Vitamin D..."in little amount"
That happiness usually comes from a diverse range of interests, hobbies, and commitments. You are not your job. Your romantic partner cannot be your everything, etc. It's so easy to get sucked into a life where your career is everything or where you wrap your entire identity around your partner. There is nothing wrong with celebrating your loved ones and being close. And there is nothing wrong with caring about your job...you just need more to thrive. I see this so often in relationships. Two people meet and fall in love. They each inspire one another based on their interests and achievements, it's part of what makes them fall in love. But slowly, over time, they let those hobbies go. Stress gets in the way. Bills pile up. And then one day they find themselves wondering why they ever loved this person in the first place. Instead of being sexy and interesting they're just part of a routine.
TLDR: Diversify your interests and activities to be happy. Don't rely on a single person, hobby, or commitment to give you everything you need.
How to communicate.
My grandma used to say that 'Communication is the key to any successful relationship'
To appreciate their youth.
I used to be very critical of myself as ateen, în my 20s....now at 37 i just think how dumb I was
How to not give a [damn] about how others see you.
Seems simple enough for me now in my 20s, but back in high school there were many f**ks given about how others saw me. Ironically, those people that didn’t care how others saw them were often the more respected ones.
Saying “I love you” or wanting to reach out to your family, friends, and loved ones, but crippling anxiety stops you. You never know when it may be too late to say these things, so be in the moment, and live/love in the present authentically.
Interest rates, credit cards, credit score, money saving techniques, 401K. In other words anything that keeps you from being trapped by poor money management.
To stop being afraid of asking or pursuing the things you want in life
No one else will help you be yourself. Don't live for others all the time.
Social media can consume your life. It’s not all real, and not everyone posting pictures is having a great time, and not every “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WE SHOULD CATCH UP” is genuine.
So much of social media consists of passing on the latest trendy meme, trolling, or arguing about politics. Very little real communication takes place.
The importance of education. As a kid your always hear generic statements like, "This will help your career" but nothing specific enough to be useful.
I feel like the emphasize on education sucked the joy out of my teen years especially. So I don't agree with this one. Education is important, but don't align your entire childhood to some "career" in the future.
You are your biggest limitation.
That's BS. Your parents, your environment, your education and the people you or your parents know decide your future.
Note: this post originally had 90 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.
OH and that you can disagree with someone, even on something important, and that doesn't make them a bad person nor does it make you one
It does if they don't believe in equality. Yes, the are bad people.
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Learn how to speak to a group. Public speaking. The first few times in front of an audience will be terrifying but push through.
But why do you have to "push yourself"? Isn't it better simply to choose a job that you don't have to do public speaking and make yourself do it if it terrifies you? What about "love yourself" and "don't make yourself do things you really don't want to do"? Not everybody needs to speak in public so just, why?
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that you can decline to be weighed at the Dr's office. (I suffered from eating disorders as a teenager, and I suffer/obsess over my weight. I've learned to maintain it by judging how my clothing is fitting.) I allow my Dr to record my weight twice yearly, but to not disclose it to me (unless they are concerned). Since adopting this policy, I'm much happier after an appointment, my clothes fit perfectly well and my Dr now seems less concerned with me as a set of statistics, more aware of my general well being.
The most important lesson I learned way too late in life is that it's more important to be true to yourself than to be what people expect you to be.
I'd add: Do NOT make your hobby your career/source of income. I keep making this mistake.
I learnt that in the 90's mate, playing shitty angry punk music in my mate's garage wasn't ever going to pay the bills.
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And earplugs! My husband's been a welder for over 40 years and blew off earplugs too often. He now wears hearing aids.
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Asking questions. I have a colleague who is still pretty new, so she asks plenty of questions, but is worried that she may be annoying. I told her it's better to ask questions and do your job well than to not say anything, make tons of mistakes, and barrel through the day like an idiot.
Trust your gut when it says "danger." Sure it can be wrong and probably has been on many occasions, but in dangerous situations it's usually right, and better safe than sorry.
What not to share on the internet? Your naked body. Don't do Only Fans, girls. It will follow you for the rest of your life, and you'll have opportunities denied to you if it ever comes out that you did soft porn for subscribers, and for what? For the enjoyment of some creepy dudes who lack the social skills to get a real girlfriend? For some McDonald's cash? You won't be making stacks. Save your dignity, and your future. Sex "work" isn't empowering. You've been lied to, and it isn't for your benefit. Save getting naked for sexy times with your partner, and treat yourself with the dignity you deserve.
So many of these I learned over 5 decades on the planet and some I'm still learning. Life is a full time gig. Until it's not.
My kids are 21 and 17...I always told them use a condom to protect yourself from HIV and STDS. Babies are the last thing you have to worry about! When ur in a relationship get tested frequently. I know its hard to bring up a child when u are young but I'd rather have a healthy grandchild and child than a dying one xx
Sometimes these articles are too long, I think I have finished and then it says another 45 images or something, if I start something I have to finish it.
But sunglasses give me a headache, I'll have to skin #5.
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Kids will eat their vegetables without fuss if they see you eating them too. Both my girls love carrots and broccoli and the oldest constantly steals pieces of sweet pepper while I'm preparing dinner!
The best life lesson I ever learned - People will treat you the way that you allow them to treat you.
Never touch hard drugs. this will bring you nothing but ruin. Don't drink more than 2 drinks of alcohol per day. 3 on special occasions. be independant from your parents. no matter how your parents say they love you, if you feel you're suffocating take your distances from them, and stay firm on your breathing zone. like Mom, i love you, but you come to my house only if you called before. And last, but not least, don't quit school. try to clear up your head about the job you'd like to do, and do it. but don't quit school. coz when you do, then it can be real tricky to be able to study again. Keep hope
And not just hard drugs. Don't underestimate the damage marijuana can do. You can smoke some from time to time, but smoking it on a regular basis can change a person. This is especially tricky when you're young. In your late teens it's not uncommon for a person to become more introverted and less interested in hanging out with his buddies. Only when looking back at this period in my life as an adult I realise I was going through my first mild depression. Especially considering the fact my behaviour changed back into being more extraverterd and socially active after I stopped smoking weed.
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If you tell yourself you can, you may be wrong. If you tell yourself you can't, you will definitely be right.
If you're very passionate about/involved in a social or political cause, take a deep hard look at yourself and try to determine: Am I doing this to help other people, or am I acting out resentment by lashing out at society? Like George Orwell once said: Most socialist actually don't care about the poor, they just hate the rich.
I love this. I feel like if people listened to this our world (especially my country, America) would be so much more peaceful.
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THE BIGGEST LATE LIFE LESSONS TO FINALLY LEARN: A little bird was enjoying a long summer in the far north. Suddenly, cold weather set in. The little guy had neglected to fly south for the winter. He was cold, sad, and most miserable. So he sets out flying south until his wings freeze up in a snow storm. He lands in a field next to a big cow, who promptly dumps on top of him an enormous pile of stinky cow poop. The little bird is now warm and snug under the steamy pile. He makes his way to the top of the pile and starts to sing because he is SOOO HAPPY. A cat hears the bird singing and goes over and eats him. MORALS TO BE FOUND IN THIS STORY: 1) Know when the party is over and it is time to leave. Don't be the last guest to leave. 2) Everyone who sh*ts on you is not your enemy. 3) The person who gets you out of a big stinking pile of s**t is not necessarily your friend. 4) If you are warm and happy sitting in a steaming pile of s**t, keep your mouth shut, relax, and enjoy it.
Wouldn't that be nice? To have life all figured out right from the start? Glad you did. Most of us don't.
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OH and that you can disagree with someone, even on something important, and that doesn't make them a bad person nor does it make you one
It does if they don't believe in equality. Yes, the are bad people.
Load More Replies... Learn how to speak to a group. Public speaking. The first few times in front of an audience will be terrifying but push through.
But why do you have to "push yourself"? Isn't it better simply to choose a job that you don't have to do public speaking and make yourself do it if it terrifies you? What about "love yourself" and "don't make yourself do things you really don't want to do"? Not everybody needs to speak in public so just, why?
Load More Replies... that you can decline to be weighed at the Dr's office. (I suffered from eating disorders as a teenager, and I suffer/obsess over my weight. I've learned to maintain it by judging how my clothing is fitting.) I allow my Dr to record my weight twice yearly, but to not disclose it to me (unless they are concerned). Since adopting this policy, I'm much happier after an appointment, my clothes fit perfectly well and my Dr now seems less concerned with me as a set of statistics, more aware of my general well being.
The most important lesson I learned way too late in life is that it's more important to be true to yourself than to be what people expect you to be.
I'd add: Do NOT make your hobby your career/source of income. I keep making this mistake.
I learnt that in the 90's mate, playing shitty angry punk music in my mate's garage wasn't ever going to pay the bills.
Load More Replies... And earplugs! My husband's been a welder for over 40 years and blew off earplugs too often. He now wears hearing aids.
Load More Replies... Asking questions. I have a colleague who is still pretty new, so she asks plenty of questions, but is worried that she may be annoying. I told her it's better to ask questions and do your job well than to not say anything, make tons of mistakes, and barrel through the day like an idiot.
Trust your gut when it says "danger." Sure it can be wrong and probably has been on many occasions, but in dangerous situations it's usually right, and better safe than sorry.
What not to share on the internet? Your naked body. Don't do Only Fans, girls. It will follow you for the rest of your life, and you'll have opportunities denied to you if it ever comes out that you did soft porn for subscribers, and for what? For the enjoyment of some creepy dudes who lack the social skills to get a real girlfriend? For some McDonald's cash? You won't be making stacks. Save your dignity, and your future. Sex "work" isn't empowering. You've been lied to, and it isn't for your benefit. Save getting naked for sexy times with your partner, and treat yourself with the dignity you deserve.
So many of these I learned over 5 decades on the planet and some I'm still learning. Life is a full time gig. Until it's not.
My kids are 21 and 17...I always told them use a condom to protect yourself from HIV and STDS. Babies are the last thing you have to worry about! When ur in a relationship get tested frequently. I know its hard to bring up a child when u are young but I'd rather have a healthy grandchild and child than a dying one xx
Sometimes these articles are too long, I think I have finished and then it says another 45 images or something, if I start something I have to finish it.
But sunglasses give me a headache, I'll have to skin #5.
Load More Replies... Kids will eat their vegetables without fuss if they see you eating them too. Both my girls love carrots and broccoli and the oldest constantly steals pieces of sweet pepper while I'm preparing dinner!
The best life lesson I ever learned - People will treat you the way that you allow them to treat you.
Never touch hard drugs. this will bring you nothing but ruin. Don't drink more than 2 drinks of alcohol per day. 3 on special occasions. be independant from your parents. no matter how your parents say they love you, if you feel you're suffocating take your distances from them, and stay firm on your breathing zone. like Mom, i love you, but you come to my house only if you called before. And last, but not least, don't quit school. try to clear up your head about the job you'd like to do, and do it. but don't quit school. coz when you do, then it can be real tricky to be able to study again. Keep hope
And not just hard drugs. Don't underestimate the damage marijuana can do. You can smoke some from time to time, but smoking it on a regular basis can change a person. This is especially tricky when you're young. In your late teens it's not uncommon for a person to become more introverted and less interested in hanging out with his buddies. Only when looking back at this period in my life as an adult I realise I was going through my first mild depression. Especially considering the fact my behaviour changed back into being more extraverterd and socially active after I stopped smoking weed.
Load More Replies... If you tell yourself you can, you may be wrong. If you tell yourself you can't, you will definitely be right.
If you're very passionate about/involved in a social or political cause, take a deep hard look at yourself and try to determine: Am I doing this to help other people, or am I acting out resentment by lashing out at society? Like George Orwell once said: Most socialist actually don't care about the poor, they just hate the rich.
I love this. I feel like if people listened to this our world (especially my country, America) would be so much more peaceful.
Load More Replies... THE BIGGEST LATE LIFE LESSONS TO FINALLY LEARN: A little bird was enjoying a long summer in the far north. Suddenly, cold weather set in. The little guy had neglected to fly south for the winter. He was cold, sad, and most miserable. So he sets out flying south until his wings freeze up in a snow storm. He lands in a field next to a big cow, who promptly dumps on top of him an enormous pile of stinky cow poop. The little bird is now warm and snug under the steamy pile. He makes his way to the top of the pile and starts to sing because he is SOOO HAPPY. A cat hears the bird singing and goes over and eats him. MORALS TO BE FOUND IN THIS STORY: 1) Know when the party is over and it is time to leave. Don't be the last guest to leave. 2) Everyone who sh*ts on you is not your enemy. 3) The person who gets you out of a big stinking pile of s**t is not necessarily your friend. 4) If you are warm and happy sitting in a steaming pile of s**t, keep your mouth shut, relax, and enjoy it.
Wouldn't that be nice? To have life all figured out right from the start? Glad you did. Most of us don't.
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