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The first thing I’ll do after quarantine and this pandemic mess is go to a restaurant. I want to see how it feels to be welcomed, seated, asked ‘what would you like to order?’, be showered with ‘excellent choice,’ poured a glass of Chardonnay, and make up my mind what to get for dessert.

Most importantly, it’s the opportunity to be smiled at and smiled to, joyfully and with ease, like nothing else exists in this world except that restaurant, the food, your companion… and the server.

But this is where it gets tricky. In such a lovely environment like a restaurant, servers still have to deal, time to time, with a fair share of serial a-holes. And it’s not a-holes per se that annoy the heck of them, it’s their a-hole behaviors that refuse to abide by unwritten rules.

For those who’re wondering what the unwritten rules actually are, I’d say it’s half common sense, half being polite, patient, and understanding. But let’s hear from the servers themselves who shared honest responses to the “What unwritten rules do restaurant servers wish patrons would abide by?” question posted on Quora.

#1

Crying Children And Adults Who Ignore It

Crying Children And Adults Who Ignore It When children cry and cry and cry and cry in a restaurant, other people find it annoying. Please, take your child outside for a moment to calm him down.

Edith Deween Report

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Hans
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Many people think of this as "that spoiled brat", but it usually are the adults to condemn and the children to pity.

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#2

Snapping Your Fingers At Servers

Snapping Your Fingers At Servers Don’t ever snap your fingers at a server, bartender, anyone. Ever.

Sofia Korkala , Kate Townsend Report

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A.M. Pierre
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was at a restaurant in Munich with maybe 10 friends and friends of friends. One of the friends of friends drank a little too much of the strong Munich beer before dinner and started snapping her fingers at the server. We were mortified and apologized to him. He was gracious and laughed at off. A few minutes later, he asked her what she wanted to eat. When she didn't look up, he snapped his fingers at her. She got mad. We all thought it was hilarious.

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#3

Flirting

Flirting Don’t hit on waitresses. Don’t touch waitresses. I’ve cooked in bars where my job included removing such people from the establishment with force.

Sara Thorn , Boganm9p Report

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A.M. Pierre
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, don't assume that a server smiling at you and being nice to you means they like you. Being. Nice. Is. Their. Job.

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#4

Touching Their Servers

Touching Their Servers When people touch their server. I'm not to be touched. I don't like it, and I'm not your pet. I'm not your buddy, baby, friend, or lover.

Mike DiGirolamo , Tim Ford Report

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Linda van der Pal
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The reverse is also true: waiters please don't touch your clients! (Much, much more rare, I know, but it happened to me once. It was just my lower arm, so no sexual intentions, but still not appreciated.)

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#5

Coming In Minutes Before Closing

Coming In Minutes Before Closing If Google says that the restaurant closes at 11, the right time to order is not three minutes before closing.

The staff are not people willing to work every single day overtime like they had no lives of their own.

They are people with loved ones and hobbies as well.

Sofia Korkala , Tim Mossholder Report

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WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the Netherlands you can order all you like, but when the kitchen is closed, the kitchen is closed.

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#6

Being Impolite

Being Impolite Please, get off your cellphone when I’m taking your order

Edith Deween , 7shifts Report

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WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've seen servers just walking away if the customer was phoning and ordering at the same time. I'd always tip these servers extra.

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#7

When People Go And Sit At A Dirty Table

When People Go And Sit At A Dirty Table PLEASE DO NOT HELP YOURSELF TO A SEAT AT A DIRTY TABLE.

First of all, it’s gross. Why would you sit yourself down in someone else’s mess?

Second of all, if it’s not clean, we aren’t ready for you at that table yet. Now someone has to awkwardly bus the table and wipe it down while your impatient ass just sits there being all in-the-way.

Natalie Knowles , Kent Wang Report

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로희
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Does this happen frequently in most countries? Because in the two countries I live in, customers usually wait at the restaurant's entrance until a server attend to them. Except for fast food restaurants, but usually all the tables are not dirty because customers normally clean after themselves.

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#8

Ordering Something That's Not On The Menu

Ordering Something That's Not On The Menu Do not order anything that isn’t on the menu. I’ve run into so many situations where customers want to make up their own dish that isn’t on the menu (ordering fish and chips at an Italian restaurant). Perhaps it’s because they don’t know how to read, and therefore can’t understand anything the menu says. That menu is there for a reason. Read it. This is not a private chef service

Maxwell Arnold , Amanda Vick Report

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Hans
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A good restaurant will have waiters who are able to explain the menu, and they will be able to advise in case a customers has certain allergies or disliked. Simply ordering something that is not on the menu is rude, **asking** for something that is not on the menu is just fine in my opinion. Asking for example whether a certain ingredient you do not find in any other dish is available should just be fine – an example would be particularly hot peppers in a place that does not regularly have so spicy dishes. If asked politely, you will just get a polite answer, sometimes even met with gratitude for real interest in what the place can offer.

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#9

Acting Like You Own The Place

Acting Like You Own The Place This restaurant is not your house. You’re a paying customer. We get that, and we respect that. But do not forget that you are a guest. In addition, you are not the only guest. There are other people here too. So when you request that we turn down the music, turn up the lights, or adjust the heat/air conditioning, you should know that we may not be able to make this accommodation, even if you ask nicely. If you go on to demand such accommodations, you’re not only disrespecting us (because you’re essentially treating the restaurant like your house, and us like servants who run it for you), you’re also disrespecting the other guests (because they may not desire the same accommodations that you desire). This is not your house, and this is a space that you’re sharing with other people - and if you’re the only one asking for something to be changed, we’re unlikely to do it if it will affect other guests.

Maxwell Arnold , Syed Ahmad Report

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#10

Helping Without Being Asked To

Helping Without Being Asked To I hated when customers tried to help me. Don't get me wrong. I appreciated the sentiment, but when a customer took things from my tray or grabbed things from my hand it became dangerous.

Sheila Blohm , Jay Wennington Report

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Mrs_ Possum
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yup, this. I worked in a restaurant for a bit, some years back, and people grabbing things off the tray can really unbalance a heavy tray. If the server removes things from the tray themselves, they can adjust their own balance, but not when people just randomly take things while you're trying to set it down, etc. Especially with lots of drinks. I once had someone plunge their hand into a load of drinks on a tray to get to their one, and they nearly knocked over all the others.

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#11

Not Understanding When The Bar Is Full

Not Understanding When The Bar Is Full Understand that when the bar is full, the bar is full. No, I'm not going to go and 'see if anyone's done' at the bar so you can squeeze in for free corn chips at happy hour. I've politely told you you're more than welcome to stand at the bar, but all the seats are taken. And for the love of god, don't try to take other customers' seats while they're in the bathroom.

Kyle Redman , Alexander Popov Report

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Iron Eddy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Taking others seats while they're in the bathroom?? What.the.fu*k?!?!?!???!?!?!?

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#12

Being Glued To The Phone

Being Glued To The Phone Please do not be glued to your phone, especially if you're in a large party. I work in a tapas restaurant, which means everyone orders small plates to share. We recently had a table of ten do this, ignoring runners and servers that were bringing their food, causing the food to be returned or eaten by different table members, and so the person who ordered the food would finally look up from their phone and start complaining that they never received the food they ordered. Of course, the other table members neglected to tell them they had received it and eaten it. Why? Because THEY were now on their phones. They nearly made a server cry with rude comments about her intelligence and figure (“that skinny bitch probably ate them, she needs to put on weight before her hips cut me”) is just one thing I heard. It's worth mentioning that these were all morbidly obese people.

Kyle Redman , Isaac Matthew Report

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80 Van
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That sounds less like a “don’t be on your phone” issue and more of a “treat your servers with basic human dignity” issue. Pulling out your phone should not be a problem to the server as long as you know how to be kind to others and not be a jerk to your server.

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#13

Not Considering The Hard Work In The Kitchen

Not Considering The Hard Work In The Kitchen Allergies. If the truth is you don't like a food, then just say that. Say you don’t like bell pepper. The amount of work that happens in the kitchen is hardly ever seen in the dining room. Respect the staff by not adding to that amount of work if it’s not necessary.

Sofia Korkala , Tim Meyer Report

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James016
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes I ask for ingredients to be taken out, gherkins in burgers for example. If they can't do it because the food has been prepped already, I'll just order something else.

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Kiss Army
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a few allergies and will ask about ingredients to see if a recipe contains it... If it does, I order something else. I don't ask for special treatment or things to be made differently for me. (Even though I am polite about it, there have been some times when I get attitude for asking and I feel like telling the waitress "Excuse me, I don't want to die for my dinner...")

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Mz Phit
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one pisses me off! Stating "allergies" as the first word, as if it is not a valid issue. Well, it is. I wish I could enjoy the spices that cause my body so much pain! Last January I ended up bedridden for a month after a waiter (at an out of town restaurant ) insisted on putting a spoonful of spices directly next to my food which contaminated my food and caused me to suffer immediately, "because it tastes better with the spices" (completely dismissed my telling him that I had serious allergies to capsaicin/peppers). Well, duh, I know it tastes better... what DOESN'T taste good is the immediate intense pain, the weeks of lost work and the medical bills from the long recovery. PLEASE TAKE ALLERGY WARNINGS SERIOUSLY

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Silre
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I order chicken lo mein a few years ago, specifically because I'm allergic to shrimp. I got shrimp. Sent it back. Cook comes out and says "Can't you just eat the shrimp?" No, no I can't.

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Colin Mochrie At Its Finest
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think if you have an allergy, it is hard to trust they know what they are doing. They should but they don't. I was experimenting with no lactose because I THOUGHT I may have been mildly lactose intolerant. Luckily not a full allergy and I told them, but not a food dislike. So I ordered some food and asked about what they cook it in and such. The waitress had to ask me what I meant by dairy. FOR REAL. My corn on the cob came back with butter on it. A friend with celiacs (no glucose) asked a place if they really did gluten free, and explained it made her sick. They assured her. Guess who had to pull over on her way home? She usually brings her own. Cooking with the same dishware gets her sick. I wouldn't trust ANY resraurant to have separate dishware. Many of these gluten free is more like low gluten to adhere to the diet fad.

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Liam Walsh
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You might like to know... It is our natural state to be lactose intolerant. Evolutionary speaking, the ability to handle milk later in life is a more recent adaptation of the human body. Lactase’s only function is to transform lactose from milk into simpler components (galactose and glucose), so it is normal to stop producing it after breastfeeding, and to stop ingesting milk at that point too. Some groups of people, especially those that enjoy a lot of milk, have developed a so called ‘lactase persistence’, which enables them to feed on a diet rich in milk and dairy products throughout their lives. This is actually a genetic mutation that is observed only in some people. In cultures where the use of milk is not so prevalent, this genetic adaptation hasn’t occurred.

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Chris Jones
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People can speak up then. Just don't lie if it's because you don't like something. Those people make it more difficult for those who are allergic, that's the point. If the kitchen can accommodate they will and if they can't pick a different dish and always be decent. Being pleasant usually results in people doing their best to help.

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Remus-Alexandru Simion
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife is allergic to vanilla (and vanillin or whatever the non-natural substance is called in english). Many cooks at least in my country don't believe that it's an allergy. We've had a lot of "no, there's no vanilla in it" incidents in restaurants. Luckily it's just rashes, not shock. So yeah, maybe some people say "allergy" when they mean they don't like the ingredient, but weird allergies exist! I have another friend allergic to cocoa AND to alcohol and believe me we found that out the hard way.

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Joey Marlin
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You do have to be very careful because allergies often worsen in severity. This is definitely made much more difficult by those who lie because they don't want to admit they don't like something.

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Leo H
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hello there is a huge difference between not liking a food and being deathly allergic to them

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Nikki Sevven
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dislike mushrooms, so I just don't order dishes with mushrooms. OTOH, I'm allergic to blue cheese (because I have a penicillin allergy), so I really can't have it in my meal.

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Carrie de Luka
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm allergic to penicillin and eat blue cheese. 🤔😲🤔😲 ??? 🧀 ??? Oh well, nothing's ever happened. 🥴 Edit: Read this "In cheese, it's a tiny unconcentrated amount and won't likely work in the same way since you'd be ingesting/absorbing it via the digestive tract." So obviously isn't something that affects me. Phew!

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Happy Happy Gay Guy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What? IT'S A RESTAURANT. I've worked in a few. If someone doesn't want something on their plate, it's there prerogative to be accommodated.

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Tiffiny
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes it’s not listed on the menu either, you have to have it sent back and remade then. Bell peppers make me feel like I’m breathing through a straw. Didn’t realize it was in the spices on Greek chips once, I found out pretty quick. I’ve not been “diagnosed” with the allergy but my body sure let me know.

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Mama Panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am allergic to bell peppers. It's much more common than you think too. I would get tested either way. Unfortunately, I have learned that so many things have bell peppers. Doritos Nacho Cheese (my fave) have red bell peppers. It's the tiniest amount but it's not pretty when I eat them and I get the same thing, breathing through a straw, actually more like a coffee stirrer. I always ask when I am in a restaurant. Just please be careful.

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Isog Sargent
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OTOH at one restaurant I go to they insist on saying everything is an allergy. I'm simply lactose intolerant, but by always insisting they have to treat it as an allergy they go to much more trouble than needed.

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Faith Hurst
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How do you know if someone is allergic? Don't assume that a huge reaction means no allergy. Some of my allergies have much more severe reactions while others are pretty mild. Doesn't mean I WANT an itchy mouth and throat.

terybriggs avatar
Mama Panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

However, when I tell you that I am allergic to bell peppers, do not question me, you are not a doctor! When I ask you if a certain dish has bell peppers, do not lie to me and tell me it doesn't when it does. Do not get upset if I blast you for serving me something with bell peppers when I have told you many times that I am allergic to them. A tiny piece of bell pepper will do the same amount of damage as a large piece of bell pepper. I will go into anaphylaxis shock even if it's just a small seed on the lettuce in the salad. Respect your customers!!! (Yes I am truly allergic to bell peppers)

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Remi Flynne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is why it is so important that people do not say allergy when they mean they don't like something. People lie and exaggerate in order to get their own way and restaurants know this. They have to assume you're the one telling the truth and have to do the extra cleaning work. Whether they mind or not isn't the issue. No-one wants extra work but believing you is a problem caused by the people who lie. Though knowing the severity is important and asking you for more information can make a difference to what they might need to do. A person who gets anaphylaxis will need a cooking station cleaned and a person who gets milder reactions may not. Levels of exposure matter. It is not unreasonable for a server to double check how severe your allergy is - that isn't about them trying to act like a doctor but just knowing what the risk is and what they'll need to do to manage it.

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CatWoman312
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If the food is wrong it’s not the servers fault. The server didn’t cook the food.

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Chris Jones
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It might be their fault if they get the order wrong. Though still don't make someone's life miserable over it. Being pleasant even when there is a mistake will always result in a better outcome.

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#14

Clients Who Can't Manage Their Time

Clients Who Can't Manage Their Time Don’t order a well-done steak if your movie starts in 15 minutes.

Edith Deween , Thanti Nguyen Report

#15

Being Overly Picky And Making It More Difficult For The Staff

Being Overly Picky And Making It More Difficult For The Staff The menu is not a canvas for your wildest imagination, unfortunately. I have come across customers who ask what ingredients do we have, and start building their own portion based on them.
I know the struggle of being a hard customer and not being able to take whatever from the menu due to dangerous allergies, but don’t be picky in vain. The staff is usually crowded with special orders anyway.

Sofia Korkala , Sunrise Photos Report

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Dilly Millandry
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Check with the restaurant first perhaps with what they can and cannot do. Leaving out an ingredient isn't always that much of a problem. Let's face it though, if it has a menu where you can't find anything you like or can eat then pick somewhere else.

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#16

Disrespectful Behavior

Disrespectful Behavior Do not address us as “waiter”/“waitress”, or snap your fingers at us.
This is basic human respect. I will openly ignore such requests for my attention, and you’ll be waiting a while for me to come back.

Maxwell Arnold , Jessie McCall Report

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#17

Wasting Servers' Time

Wasting Servers' Time This is a more Spanish restaurant specific thing than anything, but please for the love of god do not order 6 plates and then ask me which are spicy, having me bring back the ones that are. Please. It's a Spanish restaurant, nearly everything is spicy. Stop wasting our time. You wouldn't believe how often this happens.

Kyle Redman , Peijia Li Report

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LOttawa
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Most restaurants I've been to solve this by having little drawings of peppers next to the meal description. Green for mild, orange for medium and red for spicy (and those for from 1 to 3 depending on how spicy it is).

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#18

Complaining That The Food Takes Longer To Come Out When The Place Is Busy

Complaining That The Food Takes Longer To Come Out When The Place Is Busy Food takes longer to come out when we’re busy

When a restaurant is busy, it’s usually no secret. It’s loud, it’s full, staff are running around, the whole deal. You can also anticipate when a restaurant will be busy, like on Friday and Saturday nights. If you choose to dine at such times as these, you can expect your food to take longer to come out. Why? More people, more orders, more work for the kitchen to do. So if you’ve just placed your order now, it could take 20, 30, 40 minutes, or even longer than that. If that’s too long for you, none of us have any sympathy for your complaints. You knew it was busy, so you knew it would take long. You chose to dine at this time, so you knew what you were getting into. We don’t care that you’re hungry. Everybody is hungry. That’s why they’re here! What do you think we’re going to do? Bring your food out first before someone else’s, just because you’re complaining? Dream on.

Maxwell Arnold , Zahir Namane Report

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Ripley
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rubbish. If diners are having to wait more than half and hour for their food the kitchen needs more staff, or to review their practices. 40 minutes is too long, even on a busy night.

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#19

Not Accepting Where You're Being Seated

Not Accepting Where You're Being Seated Please accept where I seat you. I understand you want a booth. But we only have four, and by dinnertime, I've already reserved them for my six other 6:30 reservations. And if you're a party of two, you're going to get placed at a two top. Not a full-size table.

Kyle Redman , K8 Report

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Hans
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Frankly, why again not ask politely? There might be a perfect rationale behind the place you are seated, which is hiden to you as a customer, but it might have been a random choice out of many options.

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#20

Sitting At An Empty Table Without Asking

Sitting At An Empty Table Without Asking If you see a table with no one at it, that is not necessarily your table! There might be a reservation plotted for your table later that night. The restaurant limits how many people can sit in each time-block.

Jesse Sutton , Hitesh Dewasi Report

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LOttawa
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it's reserved, shouldn't there be a note on the table saying so? If not, and there's no hostess to sit us down, how are we supposed to know which table is free and which one isn't? *Just mentioning that I said if there are no hostess, I did not say, what if the hostess is unavailable. The post makes no mention wether there is one or not, makes no mention of what type of restaurant it is (fancy or not).

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#21

Tipping Is Important

Tipping Is Important Tipping is not mandatory, but servers live off of our tips.

Edith Deween , Sam Dan Truong Report