“Nothing Makes Me Lose Interest Faster”: 45 Things Men Do To Impress Women That Are Actually Turn-Offs
If you’re a person who dates men, what’s the first thing that catches your eye in a potential suitor? Is it how they can make you laugh without even trying, how they surprise you with coffee or flowers for no reason other than to make you smile, how they never fail to ask you about your day and actually listen to how you’re feeling, or how they have an extremely large and expensive collection of sneakers in their closet that no one is allowed to touch? Chances are, it’s not the latter.
But for some reason, men often have a warped sense of what others actually find attractive and impressive. From bragging about being a workaholic to boasting about their video game skills, women on Reddit have recently been sharing the things men think will impress them that tend to have the opposite effect. Below, we’ve gathered a list of these unappealing tendencies, so be sure to upvote the ones that make your roll your eyes as well.
Keep reading to also find an interview with dating coach Hayley Quinn to hear her thoughts on the topic, and then, if you’re interested in checking out a Bored Panda article discussing things men have no reason to feel insecure about when dating, you can find that right here!
This post may include affiliate links.
The d**k pic. They expect us to be impressed, actually it just makes us run away and block.
To gain some insight on this topic from an expert, we reached out to UK-based dating coach Hayley Quinn, who was kind enough to have a chat with us about why it’s so common for men to say the wrong thing when trying to impress women. “One of the most common dating questions men might have is, ‘How do I impress her?’,” Hayley told Bored Panda. “Men often enter into the world of dating believing that women need to do certain things to make women like them: Whether that's having a witty story to share, taking her on the perfect date, or driving a fast car.”
“We are all consumers, and often the stories we are told through the media about what romance is all about, don't tally up with people's experience of it in real life,” she explained. “Ironically, trying to impress often comes across as try hard and insecure. If a guy's tried to impress you in a way that's had the opposite effect (provided he hasn't said anything that's inappropriate or offensive), try to look past that initial faux pas to his intention, which is often to build a connection with you.”
Please drop the “alpha male” shtick. It’s exhausting.
And based on science so bad that the guy who published the paper has retracted his findings.
Driving like a lunatic while you're in the car, Yeah you are so hot when you could potentially kill us both...Not!!
But we can’t completely blame men for accidentally saying the wrong things, because none of us are immune to it. “Trying too hard, in the wrong ways, to impress someone isn't just something heterosexual men do,” Hayley says. “We can all be guilty of wanting someone to like us so much that we're no longer authentic with them. If you're a woman dating a man, be mindful of when you also might be going into ‘performance mode’. Are you spending too much time trying to show him why he should choose you, instead of experiencing the relationship and also working out if he's good for you?”
Gym selfies.
Any kind of macho posturing. I like secure men. Not ones who have to make a point of how "alpha" they are.
Additionally, referring to oneself as an "alpha"/"sigma"/any letter of the Greek alphabet.
Being an "expert" on anything and everything, while simultaneously never admitting they don't know something.
Just admit when you don't know something! I won't think less of you! Quite the contrary.
Talking about their skills in bed. Those who are good at things don’t need to brag about them.
When it comes to things men can do or say that might actually impress women, Hayley says, “Often the most impressive qualities are candor and authenticity. Rather than hiding behind overly elaborate gestures, or a chat up line you've been rehearsing, share your truth. If you can be open with someone it builds emotional intimacy with them.”
“Just be mindful to keep your conversations playful, and light, in the early stages of getting to know someone,” she added. “This signals to the woman you're dating that you're not that emotionally invested yet, until you get to know her better. By demonstrating to her that you also have high standards for the women you interact with, and that you haven't chosen her yet, you do a lot to present yourself as a man who is self confident, and attractive.”
Telling me how to do things I already know how to do.
Oh god this just reminded me of one time this guy in my sister’s class tried to mansplain periods to her. Yes, you read that right. F*****g. PERIODS!! 😬😬
Finally, we asked Hayley if men should be given the benefit of the doubt when they say these unappealing things, or if they should be taken as red flags that women should steer clear of. “A lot of men might make a misguided comment or two in the early stages of dating. Provided he hasn't leapt over your personal boundaries, I would be empathetic to a little bit of humble bragging, or trying too hard on a first date,” Hayley says. “As he relaxes more, he may become more confident with you.”
“However, do be careful of any behaviors that could be love bombing,” she warns. “Love bombing is when a potential date, or a guy you've only known for a short period of time, tries to sweep you off your feet with elaborate gestures and gifts. Whilst this might feel romantic, remember that he hasn't actually had time to get to know who you really are, and these sweet gestures could be a facade for his desire to control you.”
If you’d like to learn more dating advice or reach out to Hayley for help in your own love-life, be sure to visit her website right here!
Telling me any story where you slide in details about how some girl was flirting with you or otherwise wanted you “so bad”….
The size of their p***s, the size of their bank account, the size of their house ... the size of basically friggin' anything.
Trying to low key assert how wealthy they are. I went on a date with this guy one time who kept hinting at things he could afford and kept mentioning how lucky he was to have such a good salary. On top of that he didn’t ask me anything about myself. It just felt icky to be honest. I want to form a genuine connection dude.
I'm just theorising so please don't downvote me to hell. But I think young lads are embarrassed to discuss their feelings about the opposite sex, in case they get ridiculed. They see James Bond, Stormzy or David Beckham with all their designer clothes, fancy watches and supercars, and think that's how to be attractive to women. So that's how they approach dating. They keep getting rejected but can't understand why. Eventually, they meet a girl who likes that stuff too, and they get married, become influencers and spend their shallow little lives wondering why nobody likes them.
Big muscles. I think other men are often attracted to them though.
Big muscles and too small t-shirts look absolutely ridiculous, contrary to the expectations 🙃
Talking about fights he had gotten in. I once went on a date with a guy who brought up fights he had gotten in in the past at least 5 separate times, I felt like I was on a date with a high schooler but he was mid-20s.
Doing something dangerous or reckless. You’re an adult! Please do not drive like a getaway driver or an F1 racer! I don’t want to die on the highway because you need to impress me with your driving skills! I’m not impressed - I’m terrified, angry, and (assuming I survive this) taking a Lyft home.
This goes for whatever other dumb s**t guys do that could result in loss of life or limb or catastrophic property damage.
In fairness, we don’t always do that stuff to impress women. At least in the case of me and my mates, we do stupid and dangerous stuff because we think, “Oh, this’ll be a laugh” or, more commonly, “hold me beer and watch this”. By the time the thught of, “this may cause us some great injury,” we’re already doing it. I could probably fill a “Why women live longer than men” list all by myself lol
Trying to talk to you about something you're knowledgeable in and they are not but they spew this surface level b******t as if it should be impressive. They're explaining to you/mansplaining your area of expertise. They don't ask you more because they want to know more, they often quiz you " wow, you actually know something" or the compliments are backhanded or patronizing (like that's impressive for A GIRL)
Completely different than trying to relate/convey your mutual like of a subject. You don't have to be on the same level to talk about a subject, but it comes with a tone that respects your thoughts also and isn't abkut showmanship.
Any kind of uninvited intimate contact... like that time at the fitness park, I was throwing myself at the climbing wall on my 7th circuit, and out of nowhere, I felt hands on my a*s *helping* me over the wall and he actually had the balls to walk around the wall to offer to train me
Talking about themselves 24/7. Anything and everything. For crying out loud, ask a question.
B**ching about their Ex. Honey, No. You're telling on yourself.
One-upping me. I sometimes do comedy and if they find out they tend to try to "tell me this one you can use on stage" and sweetheart your recycled Dad joke only gets a laugh when I'm telling my mates how sad you are.
Massive compliments although you barely know each other, without any actions what so ever. Talk is cheap. I'm not sold.
Revving their engine at a stop light.
That they read a book or watched a movie written/directed by a woman - and liked it! - so now they are an expert on women’s issues. Substitute in any marginalized group and it’s just as cringey.
At least this is misguided ignorance rather than full blown ignorance. They're trying which is more than some!
If they want to explain my feelings to me, when I haven’t asked for it, then it’s over lol
Cars. I prefer the reliable beater that screams “I’m paid off!” and “he’s financially sound!” Anything flashy or expensive and I’m not looking twice… especially if it’s a big truck.
Big truck = republican. If I were a woman I'd never date a guy with a pickup truck. I find them invariably patronising, patriarchal, and racist.
Money. It's really transparent and just unattractive to me in general when someone constantly talks about money.
I went on a first date with a university professor who brought out his positive end-of-term eval scores. Spent a good 15 or so minutes reading some of them to me and explaining that he got first or second highest in his dept. before asking me to rate him on his first date skills.
I was enjoying a good buzz and couldn’t help but find it amusing. We also got into how his dad never gave him validation growing up
Working all the time or staying up all night for projects. I like sleep and balance
This could be a red flag, or it could also be situational, but if it bothers you, moving on is the best choice.
Talking about partying and girls. Like "look at all the girls I've gotten!" Nothing makes me lose interest faster.
Not something specific, but I am not super impressed by general bragging - humble or otherwise. Being genuinely humble is much more impressive to me!
Me neither, I never brag. Actually some of my friends say I'm the most humble person they know............
Shouting into the streets how much they're into you. When I see it in movies now I shudder. Protip: they will shout into the streets that they hate you when you break up - and since they can't regulate their emotions that is ~scary~.
Locker room-type talk. I've been out with dudes that didn't know how to talk to a woman. I'm sure this sort of convo would impress their dude-bro friends, but not a woman. This mostly happened when I was younger.
Being "funny". A natural sense of humor is very attractive but I've been on too many dates with guys who tried to awkwardly cram their tight five into casual conversation. You start to feel like a captive audience more than an active participate on the date and the non-stop riffing bulldozes any chance at a genuine connection.
Allow me to play the Devil’s advocate and say that they could be using it as a coping mechanism to calm their nerves. Don’t get me wrong that does sound really annoying, but don’t immediately assume their doing to impress you. Although, that kind of only applies to meeting them for the first time upon further inspection
Bragging about how many followers they have on Instagram or how their friends are Instagram famous.
Acting like sexual attraction to someone is somehow soooo flattering. Dude, please.
Calling themselves a feminist or a "good guy." Texting that they just got back from the gym.
Just trying understand: is this person saying that guys can't be feminist, or are they talking about guys who talk about how "feminist" they are while being sexist?
Talking about their 'very sophisticated' wine/liquor/beer/food standards, or any monologue that paints them as the arbiter of good taste or worthwhile interests/hobbies. Also, treating other people's otherwise wholesome interests as stupid or basic or something.
Their car, fancy clothes, trying to show off their “knowledge” and “intellect” by mansplaining things to me and giving unsolicited advice, being too “generous” or as I’d like to call it “flippant with money”… basically anything showboaty. I do not want to eat at a tapas restaurant which will cost us $70 each for potatoes and sardines and cocktails PRE-COVID. Like dude we work in the same industry I know approx how much you earn. Leasing that $55k car just tells me that you 1) live with your parents and 2) are not saving as much money as I am with those spending habits.
Clearly I had a guy in mind lol.
Bragging about the other girls you’re dating and what you’re doing with them.
Putting down other men, although I am encountering that a lot less as I get older.
Probably because as the men you date get older, they find it hard to pick the other men up in the first place. The idea of it is already hurting my back.
Acting entitled to admiration for having a home, a car, and a job.
Like, congrats? You are an adult. Having basic adult responsibilities does not make you “successful.”
Talking really loud about how amazing you are.
Er... I can think of a demographic which does this and it comprises about 150 million people.
Providing a quasi highlights reel about their career.
Now, if it’s a first-date and you’re getting to know someone, the question about work will obviously come up…maybe they’re just over sharing?
Note: this post originally had 48 images. It’s been shortened to the top 45 images based on user votes.
I'm a bit tired of these posts. Worse than your averace womens magasine.
Holy c**p BoredPanda I get it I'm a guy, I should feel bad for being a guy XD
The biggest turn on is when the guy cleans the house, cooks nice meal, gives you a message...
Pretty much don't be a narcissist guys. All 45 items are in some way narcissistic. And to be clear, you can have a negative NPD diagnosis and still be narcissistic. Each of these points by themselves would not be enough to qualify you for an NPD diagnosis.
Lol, most of these things aren't exclusive to men. But hey, I guess it is reeealy attractive when women make 2000 selfies, talk about money, show of their wealth or think they know everything...This turned into a toxic and xenophobic "10 things" site. It used to be about beautiful and interesting art many years ago. Now it is mostly about some social or first world problems copied from some idiotic subreddit.
If you look at this topic and add it all together then you get no smart guys (who talk about a topic), gym guys, rich guys, guys who talk about themselves, guys who are famous on Instagram, guys who show sexual interest or give compliments, no flowers, no trying to be funny, no high standards in alcohol or whatever, no partying, no expensive clothes and accessories, no guys who work a lot of overtime. In the end what is left. Super average guys? Just saying if you look at all 40 comments in this topic it just all seems a bit silly.
This is unfair to the guys tbh. They think “ im sure this beautiful girl has dated so many other men, I need to do something special or different to attract her/ keep her interested.” So they either compliment her a lot (media says girls love romantics and compliments) or they try to be really muscly, or if they are insecure they’ll brag about the things they have. It’s not to be a jerk, it’s because they want to impress the girl and they want her to think “wow that guy sure is cool!” Cut the poor guys some slack (Yes I realize there are some genuinely jerky guys but not as much as you think)
basically anything that is over the top or toom much is a no go. You can talk about your house, or your gym program or whatever... just don't make it into an endless monologue about how fantastic you are...be proud of who you are, what you do, know or even own.... but don't overdo it in displaying it. It becomes annoying or uncredible.
Most of these are bragging and showing off... Just about over half of over and over not to mention women do this especially the Instagram and dating other guys at the same time like they're an employer. 😂
Basically..anything that comes out of a man's mouth is toxic. C heck k, Got it. But yall don't like the silent type, just abusers. Got that too.
Hey Bored Panda! Post an article like this about women. I dare you. Watch how fast these same hypocrites start screaming CANCEL! Let the down votes begin. ✌
The one I get a lot of is the notion that his attraction to me entitles him attention or affection from me. Like, no dude, just cause you think I'm pretty, doesn't mean I'm obligated to be with you
Hello everybody, join the Panda and I in the latest round of man bashing. Come, vent your righteous indignation on silly stereotypes. Fun for feminists of all ages.
Loud exhaust on a vehicle is an "interest killer" for me. My apartment doesn't need to shake when you drive by 🤪
What gets me is most if not all the women wonder why they are single and their friends have husbands. Most of this list is superficial garbage. He has a big truck, he has a nice car, he has a house and talks about it. Hate to say it yeah he is an adult but you are not in any way. It's damned hard to talk to some one you do not know and takes time to get to know some one. Heartfelt talks do not happen on first dates hate to tell these people.
I can see why all these are unpleasant. Anyone who is one-sided and drones on about just one thing is a bore, be it money, gym, their car, who they have banged or how many they have banged, their clothes, etc etc. For me I can tolerate this kind of stuff. For me a much bigger red flag is unkindness, followed by religiosity. Becasue the latter - you won't have a moment's peace. They will just push you continuously to join their specific cult.
I think that for a man inviting me out to eat is a very nice way of introducing himself. But at first I don't want to go to a very expensive place because I would fear, that he might feel that I was owing him something. But a nice cosy place with reasonable prices and hopefully good food. And quiet so that we could talk over the food.
i don’t think men are doing many of these things simply to “impress women..?” just guys being dudes? nothing wrong with gym culture and the selfies therein.. My bf has a “sports car” that literally makes his life happier, let ppl spend money however they want. Uninteresting list overall!!
Ha ha lot of dudes getting triggered here. If you are not sending d**k pics, being a tool, showing off your weaponry, or just one of those dudes who uses ick words like 'panties' then what is your problem? If these less then attractive traits don't apply to you, isn't that a win? Comments seem to be confirming fragile masculinity. Oh the irony.
Hate to tell ya, but most men are like this. It's a testosterone thing. Men who don't do these are typically beta--easy to live with, but ho-hum in the sack. Such is life.
So confused as a single 30 year old trying to get into dating, I constantly experience women making decisive efforts to get into a relationship with these men for these reasons, but this article basically says to me you want the guy to be rich, handsome, etc, and just not talk at all. This is such silly b.s from this article I a 33 year old male who is relatively intelligent compared to most, not a "gym body" and has a steady income for the rest of my life as I am disabled with m.s should be getting more attention then I am on dating sites and in real life... News flash if I tried to pick up one of you or actually paid attention and showed interest, I am immediately thought of as weird, gay, or both. So please clear this up with a paragraph of what your looking for?
This could apply to either men or women, but I find it very off-putting when a person is condescending, rude, or overly demanding with restaurant staff or other service industry workers. I think they're trying to come across like some kind of VIP, but they really just seem inconsiderate and entitled.
Guys reading this: don't do things for women. Do them for yourself and your family. If a specific person responds poorly to your personality or achievement, don't feel the need to change for them. Don't give people (not just women) the power to make you act a certain way. It's your life, not theirs, but there are people out there more than willing to try to convince you otherwise.
i mean girls to the exact same! just change the title of the page
Based on these, I think some women don't like to be honest about what they think is attractive. Maybe they're worried about being perceived as basic. "I hate men who are financially stable and in good physical shape!" Sure, you do, Becky.
Scrolled through quickly but did not see "Spends money on me but not nearly enough". And yeah, had a friend whose fiance made him sell his genuinely valuable baseball card collection to get her a worthy ring - and he did - and well, you can guess the rest. Then again, there's always, so you got a car, so you're a rocket scientist, etc.
Haha before reading the stuff I got myself pen and paper and wanted to take notes, but most of the stuff is just ridiculous. Maybe such behavior is more common in the USA ? Or it’s because I’m an introvert ? Latter would be nice, only problem is I don’t go to dates, cause nobody ever asked me and I’m too shy. But for the women on here maybe try looking for shy or foreign guys.
A lot of these are signs of serious insecurity. They should be pitied and shown compassion, if they allow it. Sadly many of these guys come from hyper masculine cultures, which is the cause and symptom of the insecurity. So they'll never allow it, until after the mid-life crisis. Which is too late for a lot of things.
I'm a bit tired of these posts. Worse than your averace womens magasine.
Holy c**p BoredPanda I get it I'm a guy, I should feel bad for being a guy XD
The biggest turn on is when the guy cleans the house, cooks nice meal, gives you a message...
Pretty much don't be a narcissist guys. All 45 items are in some way narcissistic. And to be clear, you can have a negative NPD diagnosis and still be narcissistic. Each of these points by themselves would not be enough to qualify you for an NPD diagnosis.
Lol, most of these things aren't exclusive to men. But hey, I guess it is reeealy attractive when women make 2000 selfies, talk about money, show of their wealth or think they know everything...This turned into a toxic and xenophobic "10 things" site. It used to be about beautiful and interesting art many years ago. Now it is mostly about some social or first world problems copied from some idiotic subreddit.
If you look at this topic and add it all together then you get no smart guys (who talk about a topic), gym guys, rich guys, guys who talk about themselves, guys who are famous on Instagram, guys who show sexual interest or give compliments, no flowers, no trying to be funny, no high standards in alcohol or whatever, no partying, no expensive clothes and accessories, no guys who work a lot of overtime. In the end what is left. Super average guys? Just saying if you look at all 40 comments in this topic it just all seems a bit silly.
This is unfair to the guys tbh. They think “ im sure this beautiful girl has dated so many other men, I need to do something special or different to attract her/ keep her interested.” So they either compliment her a lot (media says girls love romantics and compliments) or they try to be really muscly, or if they are insecure they’ll brag about the things they have. It’s not to be a jerk, it’s because they want to impress the girl and they want her to think “wow that guy sure is cool!” Cut the poor guys some slack (Yes I realize there are some genuinely jerky guys but not as much as you think)
basically anything that is over the top or toom much is a no go. You can talk about your house, or your gym program or whatever... just don't make it into an endless monologue about how fantastic you are...be proud of who you are, what you do, know or even own.... but don't overdo it in displaying it. It becomes annoying or uncredible.
Most of these are bragging and showing off... Just about over half of over and over not to mention women do this especially the Instagram and dating other guys at the same time like they're an employer. 😂
Basically..anything that comes out of a man's mouth is toxic. C heck k, Got it. But yall don't like the silent type, just abusers. Got that too.
Hey Bored Panda! Post an article like this about women. I dare you. Watch how fast these same hypocrites start screaming CANCEL! Let the down votes begin. ✌
The one I get a lot of is the notion that his attraction to me entitles him attention or affection from me. Like, no dude, just cause you think I'm pretty, doesn't mean I'm obligated to be with you
Hello everybody, join the Panda and I in the latest round of man bashing. Come, vent your righteous indignation on silly stereotypes. Fun for feminists of all ages.
Loud exhaust on a vehicle is an "interest killer" for me. My apartment doesn't need to shake when you drive by 🤪
What gets me is most if not all the women wonder why they are single and their friends have husbands. Most of this list is superficial garbage. He has a big truck, he has a nice car, he has a house and talks about it. Hate to say it yeah he is an adult but you are not in any way. It's damned hard to talk to some one you do not know and takes time to get to know some one. Heartfelt talks do not happen on first dates hate to tell these people.
I can see why all these are unpleasant. Anyone who is one-sided and drones on about just one thing is a bore, be it money, gym, their car, who they have banged or how many they have banged, their clothes, etc etc. For me I can tolerate this kind of stuff. For me a much bigger red flag is unkindness, followed by religiosity. Becasue the latter - you won't have a moment's peace. They will just push you continuously to join their specific cult.
I think that for a man inviting me out to eat is a very nice way of introducing himself. But at first I don't want to go to a very expensive place because I would fear, that he might feel that I was owing him something. But a nice cosy place with reasonable prices and hopefully good food. And quiet so that we could talk over the food.
i don’t think men are doing many of these things simply to “impress women..?” just guys being dudes? nothing wrong with gym culture and the selfies therein.. My bf has a “sports car” that literally makes his life happier, let ppl spend money however they want. Uninteresting list overall!!
Ha ha lot of dudes getting triggered here. If you are not sending d**k pics, being a tool, showing off your weaponry, or just one of those dudes who uses ick words like 'panties' then what is your problem? If these less then attractive traits don't apply to you, isn't that a win? Comments seem to be confirming fragile masculinity. Oh the irony.
Hate to tell ya, but most men are like this. It's a testosterone thing. Men who don't do these are typically beta--easy to live with, but ho-hum in the sack. Such is life.
So confused as a single 30 year old trying to get into dating, I constantly experience women making decisive efforts to get into a relationship with these men for these reasons, but this article basically says to me you want the guy to be rich, handsome, etc, and just not talk at all. This is such silly b.s from this article I a 33 year old male who is relatively intelligent compared to most, not a "gym body" and has a steady income for the rest of my life as I am disabled with m.s should be getting more attention then I am on dating sites and in real life... News flash if I tried to pick up one of you or actually paid attention and showed interest, I am immediately thought of as weird, gay, or both. So please clear this up with a paragraph of what your looking for?
This could apply to either men or women, but I find it very off-putting when a person is condescending, rude, or overly demanding with restaurant staff or other service industry workers. I think they're trying to come across like some kind of VIP, but they really just seem inconsiderate and entitled.
Guys reading this: don't do things for women. Do them for yourself and your family. If a specific person responds poorly to your personality or achievement, don't feel the need to change for them. Don't give people (not just women) the power to make you act a certain way. It's your life, not theirs, but there are people out there more than willing to try to convince you otherwise.
i mean girls to the exact same! just change the title of the page
Based on these, I think some women don't like to be honest about what they think is attractive. Maybe they're worried about being perceived as basic. "I hate men who are financially stable and in good physical shape!" Sure, you do, Becky.
Scrolled through quickly but did not see "Spends money on me but not nearly enough". And yeah, had a friend whose fiance made him sell his genuinely valuable baseball card collection to get her a worthy ring - and he did - and well, you can guess the rest. Then again, there's always, so you got a car, so you're a rocket scientist, etc.
Haha before reading the stuff I got myself pen and paper and wanted to take notes, but most of the stuff is just ridiculous. Maybe such behavior is more common in the USA ? Or it’s because I’m an introvert ? Latter would be nice, only problem is I don’t go to dates, cause nobody ever asked me and I’m too shy. But for the women on here maybe try looking for shy or foreign guys.
A lot of these are signs of serious insecurity. They should be pitied and shown compassion, if they allow it. Sadly many of these guys come from hyper masculine cultures, which is the cause and symptom of the insecurity. So they'll never allow it, until after the mid-life crisis. Which is too late for a lot of things.
