Women Reassure Men They Don’t Actually Care About These 30 Silly Things Men Are So Often Insecure About
Whether we hide it well or not, we all have a handful of insecurities. As we pick our physical or internal features apart, we often risk becoming too obsessed with something that has no rational ground.
While many women out there know what it means to be way too judgemental of themselves, men are no exception. In a society where an illusory image of a strong and successful man has been fostered since the dawn of time, they find it particularly hard if not impossible to express their vulnerable side.
So this thread on Ask Reddit shares a whole new light on insecurities men have that they often remain silent about. “Girls of Reddit, what is something guys shouldn't feel insecure about?” someone asked, and below we wrapped up the most interesting responses.
Also, when you’re done, don’t forget to check out our previous feature on common female insecurities that according to men don’t matter at all.
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Appearing feminine over stupid things, like thinking a puppy is cute, wearing pink, or being generally friendly and smiley. Women like that s**t and get annoyed and exhausted by men who take masculinity too far.
Imagine being so limited by toxic masculinity that you can't fall in love with a puppy!!!
A good example is actually happening right now. I’m at a pool party. Two very nice overweight guys are in the pool but they are both wearing tee shirts to cover their guts and just standing around. Then there is a 3rd heavyset guy who easily has an extra 40 pounds on the other two guys. He is shirtless having the time of his life playing with abandon the pool basketball game and cracking jokes. He is way more attractive to the girls because he isn’t ashamed of his body and exudes confidence.
Should all three lose weight? Sure, most of us should, but don’t stop having fun because you are ashamed of yourself. Live your life and have fun. This is very attractive to all people.
Just my opinion. I’m a middle aged woman and I think I have a bit of wisdom about things like this. I’ve seen some s**t ha.
It's ok to not be the smartest person in the room. Admitting you don't know/understand a thing does not make you look weak. Blustering your way through makes you seem like an arrogant a*s.
This so much. I love it when people are curious about things/ willing to learn in general. If I know about it, I'll overshare every single thing I know. If I don't, we'll look it up together.
“In my opinion, insecurities develop from messages we get as children,” Susan Petang, a certified divorce coach and the creator of “The Quiet Zone Coaching,” who teaches women how to stop feeling overwhelmed and start waking up happy in the morning again, told Bored Panda in an interview.
“From the very first day, we get obvious and NOT so obvious messages from the people around us. Those messages might be positive, negative, intentional, or unintentional, but our little brains absorb them and accept them as truth,” Petang argues.
Dont feel insecure about liking "girly" things. Order that fruity drink, watch that rom com, and sing in the shower. A lot less people care than you might realize.
Height.
I know the popular presumption is ~anyone under 6 ft is screwed~ but if a girl considers a couple inches to be a dealbreaker she’s not worth your time anyway. I’m short, but lots of my tall and beautiful friends have dated men somewhat to quite a bit shorter than them. It’s no big deal.
Edit: to all the dudes snarking about how the above is not true, I promise ya, that kinda sh*tty attitude is wayyyy more unattractive than any physical characteristic. And if the only women you ever want truly *all* diss you for height, well...I’d look inwardly about your own tastes, too.
I'm somewhere between 5'2" and 5'3". I can't imagine the toll on my neck if I were to date a 6 ft. person.
Being vocal when they orgasm ! I've seen so many guys just hold their breath and try to choke any sound that might come out of their throat when they cum and it's just a little sad, like what are you afraid of ? I wanna know you're having fun, I wanna know you enjoy what's happening ! Be loud about it, screw the neighbors !
“As children, we have little or no life experience or wisdom to filter through those messages and discard what's not true. For example, if your mom gets annoyed and yells, "You're BAD! Don't be so stupid!" I might take that to heart and start to believe I'm bad and stupid, especially if that message is sent over and over again.”
Petang explained that “My subconscious will pick up on those negative messages. Our experiences as children can reinforce insecurities, too. If other kids in your class got an A on a test, but you failed, you might start to believe that you're not as smart, rather than understand that the teacher's teaching style didn't match your learning style, or that you just weren't paying attention that day because you didn't feel well.”
Guys shouldn't have to be insecure about crying. Masculinity standards make men feel they shouldn't ever cry, but its a healthy way if expressing sadness and can even be a method of getting rid of stress.
Hubby cried when daughters were born..... I felt nothing but love and pride for that man!!!😍😍😍😍
Being empathetic towards women's issues.
A lot of men tend to downplay or water down women's reactions, especially when they are in a group. Maybe because they don't want to seem as if they think differently from other men in the group.
If you empathise, you empathise. Doesn't make you less if a man for understanding us and where we're coming from.
This trait is hella attractive,i donno why some men think manly= as*h**e
When asked what are the signs that insecurity has become a real problem for a person, and they should consult a professional, Petang said that it’s when your insecurities start to affect the quality of your daily life, you may need some help. “For example, if you don't try new things because, "I'm never good at stuff like that, anyway," your internal messaging needs to be checked out.”
Showing kindness. Along the same lines of emotion but it's ok to be nice. It's not attractive being an aggressive jerk all the time (or at all).
Besides a sense of humor showing kindness is definitely one of the hottest and most attractive features I find in a guy. The more empathic the better.
Singing.
I love when I’m at a chill pizza joint and the cooks in the kitchen are singing. Doesn’t even matter if they’re not great singers. I love when people are happy enough to sing!
I love when they sing too and when they make their pizza dough the old fashioned way by throwing it up in the air spinning it and catching it on their fist.
Not making as much money as their girlfriend or wife. If you're with the right girl she won't care. As long as you have a career that makes you happy, that's all that should matter.
If you're with the right person, who makes what doesn't matter at all because it's all going towards your life together, whether it's your family of pets, or kids, or anything else, it doesn't matter. When the money is discussed as your money vs my money, not our money for our lives now, and our lives together in the future; the relationship should probably be re-evaluated. There is no competition in a relationship between people who are with right person. It's either us, or you, and I, separately.
Petang also said that she can't see an upside to insecurity, but I can see a downside to the opposite, which is narcissism. “When folks think they are the best thing to ever happen to the world, and that they don't need to conform to the rules of the society we live in, it creates hate and chaos.”
According to the life coach, a lot of the time, insecure people are approval seekers, so they desperately try to make others like them. “I guess that's better than being a jerk!”
Their muscles— or lack thereof. Girls aren’t as into muscles as you might think :)
That said, a man who doesn’t look that muscly but is strong is very attractive.
I don't care about muscles but I like it when a guy can defend himself. I've had two ex-boyfriends that didn't look muscly at all but one was a Jiu-Jitsu master and the other one was a knife and mixed martial arts expert. I cannot tell you how sexy I found that. Especially when I saw one of them in action defending another woman from a guy who had slapped her. He won in a fight bare-headed against two guys with knives. That said I also think there's something sexy about pacifists.
It's better to be a warrior in a garden then a gerdener in a war.
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I personally don't like the appearance of to defined Muskels. If you can See the shadow of them, it is beautyful but if they are more like Ballons / pumped up, i think it looks unsightly
Men's forearms ooh yes, especially when they're changing gear...
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Exactly the thing I always point out to my boyfriend. He has a gastric bypass a couple of years ago, and is not really toned. It doesn't bother me but he thinks women always go for the muscles. He points out all the guys he "wants to be like" or "you must drool at this guy". I like em quirky, cute and original, not muscly. It's sad that he can't seem to grasp that idea.
So does my bff! I don't really have a preference, but it's true- there are a LOT of people who like skinnier guys with less muscles!!!!
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I'm not "muscly" but I lifted and stacked full beer kegs and wine barrels for years.
My man hates fighting, and will always choose to walk away. Until it affects me. He lets me.fight my own fights, but he never steps into a fight. I know he can protect me, he has ability to save me, but I'm even more grateful we never end up in situations like this. People who need physical fighting to sort stuff should all be dropped from your life. There's absolutely no reason for you to touch another person and stay and fight if there's option to walk away. Unless he is a professional fighter and doing it as a hobbie or living, it just immature in normal day to day life.
How are so many people getting into fights. I grew up in one of the toughest neighbourhoods of my city, and I was never in a fight.
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It really looks like it. Maybe the stock photo was accidentally found in the chronic skin conditions section?
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This is what I told my husband. Also, I don't think well-defined muscles are very comfortable to sleep with. There should be firmth, but no rocks.
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being a man who could not build muscles for a long time (but actually did, along with a belly) i do like the feeling of having a body that can withstand office work or lifting a fridge. Do not skinny shape men because it is just mean but on the other hand - men with a belly can have some well made muscles. And I am just happy about being able to help neighbors with heavy stuff right not :)
It's like anything physical. It will fade. Men and women that r THAT into their physique r usually too shallow. Unfortunately, I was married to someone like this. I didn't realize I was a trophy wife until I hurt my back and couldn't work out anymore. I got in to it as a way for us to spend time together because it was something that was so important to him. After that, our relationship started to fall apart and any time I was bigger than a size 5, all I heard about was how fat and unattractive I was. Now, I am with a wonderful man who finds me wonderful and sexy just as I am, and he is skinny and fit and all alone still, after 3+ years apart
Strong (actually strong) people are sorta chubby looking. Muscles are generally pretty sift when relaxed, and you need a decent amount of fat to have the energy to power those muscles. Look up the strongmen who like pull cars, they dont look like you expect for many people. But being strong is often overrated too, you can lift a couch if you have more people, just be healthy.
I generally don't think much about mens bodies. Its the face and confidence (not arrogance, big difference) that draw me in. That being said I tend to go for guys who are overweight or skinny flabby. I don't look for it but its a trend, oh, and I love a good waddle. That little bit of under the chin flab.. *shrug
I have deep self hatred issues but my strength is my pride. I'm androgynous, queer, disabled and obese, the least person you'd expect to be strong. Had two doctors be surprised about how absurdly strong I'm and, oh man, I loved that.
Looks like the rash under his arm may be psoriasis or excema. Neither of which will cause me to reject you!
Yep. I have never really liked men with a bunch of muscles. I like those discreet muscles that when you take your shirt off because it's hot, show a toned ab area and nice set of muscles that do not bulge too much. Sometimes, muscles have nothing to do with strength
Guys overloaded with muscles always look like a big, lumpy, bags of rocks to me. Who'd want to snuggle (or anything else) with a bag of rocks?
I don’t look too menacing, but I know multiple forms of self-defense as a martial artist, and can carry more than many people might expect.
Relatively fit is one thing. Muscle bound just looks odd and uncomfortable to me. 🤷♀️
I call those stick people. But i am a man, so my opinion does not matter in this post
In case you missed it, lots of men are commenting in this post.
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Receding hairline. If we love you we love you
My husband was bald when we met, I still think a bald is a solar panel for a sex machine
Some friends of mine are really insecure about not being able to grow a beard. Tbh it doesn’t really matter.
D**k size and their weight
I understand some ppl might think this is a lie but I personally think so as a woman bc size is not what determines how good sex is. Some may hav a preference, but with 7 billion people in this world, I think preferences are diverse. Plus, there are vagina sizes too. Many ppl forget that.
As for weight, love ur body. Confidence is attractive. It only shud be put to concern if ur health is affected by it.
Also, this is my opinion, this isn’t a lie bc this is genuinely how I think. I know there are people out there who can agree, while others may not.
EDIT: I MEANT THEIR BODY WEIGHT LMFAO
I had seen a survey where they asked women what the top 10 attributes on a man were and almost every single time d**k size was last on the list. When they asked men what they thought the top 10 attributes were they almost always put d**k size first. BTW what women thought was the most important was a sense of humor first
acknowledging other attractive guys, women say other women are beautiful all the time why can’t guys say the same things about other guys without fearing being called gay
Again I find it sexy for some reason when a guy is confident enough to admit another guy is attractive. I mean I'm not attracted to women in general but I can still tell you which ones are attractive and sexy.
Cumming quickly. I am honored, sir.
But it's nice if they finish quickly if they will help you get yours afterwards instead of just laying there.
What you do for a living. I feel like everyone is trying to be their best and if that's minimum wage, that's ok. Nothing sexier than a hard worker with dreams.
Guys shouldn't feel so insecure about they're body shape. You don't have to have big biceps or washboard abs in order for a girl to like you.
Edit: their*
Being open about what they do/like.
My current boyfriend loves singing but is so shy even though he has an amazing voice.
When guys sing it’s always amazing. Very attractive and also so amazing when they are so passionate about it
They should stop feeling insecure about showing emotion, especially in a relationship. I know a lot of guys grew up being told that showing emotion was ‘girly’ but honestly when a guy is open about how he is feeling and doesn’t suppress it, it makes everyone feel more secure. When the girl feels like she’s the only one who has real feelings in the relationship then it’s hard to trust the guy, and the guy often feels misunderstood as he isn’t conveying what he wants to. Guys, please know it’s okay to be emotional, you deserve to be honest with the people around you and it makes relationships so much better for everyone involved
Living with your parents/being close to your parents. As long as they don't have to do your thinking for you, it's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!
Apologizing. It builds bridges, it’s not destruction to your ego unless you interpret it that way (so don’t interpret it that way).
About wanting to be the little spoon
I dont think I've ever been able to be the little spoon. I think I would like it cuz I would feel safe.
Don’t feel bad if you don’t always take the lead in a relationship! Those are two way streets, and a lot of girls don’t mind or even enjoy being the one to make the first move or ask you on a date.
Besides that, though, don’t be insecure about being genuine and heartfelt with friends, family, and partners alike. You can say “I love you” to your friends without a “no homo” attached. Being close with your family is endearing. It’s okay to cry.
Just be yourself!
Starbucks barista. Don’t be ashamed of your drink! Pink drink, Frappuccino, chai tea, they’re delicious! And we want you to have a tasty drink!
The flip side of the comments about not being able to grow a beard - guys shouldn't feel insecure about being hairy. I love a hairy chest, and don't find a hairy back or shoulders to be a problem.
Like most things listed here, yeah you'll find women who won't like it, but if they are willing to write you off for something physical that is out of your control, they probably aren't the person for you.
I will say, regardless of anything else, hygiene is important. If you're hairy you might sweat more depending on the climate and how warm you run, but if you shower regularly and keep everything clean, it's all good.
Edit : yes, this includes hairy butts, backs, legs, shoulders, etc. I think the only thing I might ask someone to trim would be crazy nose hair - though that could be disguised by a moustache.
Don't be embarrassed to get a Mani/Pedi!
Note: this post originally had 38 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I guarantee a lot of guys would happily call me a beta cuck loser f*g p*ssy blah blah blah and I couldn’t give one solitary sh*t if they do. I treasure openness, sincerity, empathy and affection, go crazy over kittens and puppies, like the color pink, and I sleep with a stuffed panther. I’m also straight and happily married to a lovely woman. I used to be shy about being less “masculine”, but I embrace it. It’s who I am, and my wife loves it, and it’s something I’m proud of.
I wish I could upvote you more than once. Be yourself. :]
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Ladies, don't tease the men in your life about these things. My wife used to tease me about some of these things, usually not in a mean way, but it still made me self-conscious. In particular, it was: singing, crying (really just eyes welling up, not full crying), being emotional, wanting to be the little spoon, and being hairy. In some cases, I know she found it endearing. What I'm trying to say is teasing is not a way to show appreciation for someone's unique characteristics. If it's something you like, compliment instead of tease.
Toxic masculinity doesn't just effect men. Women grow up with toxic gender roles just as much as men do. Patriarchal norms hurt and damage everyone. We all need to normalise all genders enjoying the fullness of human emotion and experience. I hope you've met more compassionate people since then.
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Men shouldn't be embarrassed about getting a pedicure! It beats having toenails that look like an ogre's.
They deleted it but I find men who play video games extremely attractive and i find that the best thing is when they geek out over certain games
Literally met my late wife on a Silent Hill fan forum.
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Also women really don't care about the size of our ding dongs. From 1cm to 30cm they love our snakes in all forms
I agree these are things men shouldn't be insecure about, but they also shouldn't change themselves just to be attractive to others. If they legitimately realise they have been hiding who they are, they should start being themselves, but not just because they think it is now 'ok' because people like these traits or interests.
The repeats are an aberration of the voting system. If something moves down the list while you're still scrolling it, it can appear to repeat in the lower position. I wonder if this depends on device. Some devices might handle page load differently. I also wonder if scrolling to the bottom immediately would help prevent it from happening.
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At some point, I call some absolute BS on this whole article. Apparently, women don’t mind a guy who makes minimum wage, has a receding hairline, is overweight, orgasms before they do, and doesn’t pay for the meal. I can see being okay with some of that, but at some point, fix your problems men. This is just some feel good BS. Don’t forget living with your parents.
I guarantee a lot of guys would happily call me a beta cuck loser f*g p*ssy blah blah blah and I couldn’t give one solitary sh*t if they do. I treasure openness, sincerity, empathy and affection, go crazy over kittens and puppies, like the color pink, and I sleep with a stuffed panther. I’m also straight and happily married to a lovely woman. I used to be shy about being less “masculine”, but I embrace it. It’s who I am, and my wife loves it, and it’s something I’m proud of.
I wish I could upvote you more than once. Be yourself. :]
Load More Replies... Ladies, don't tease the men in your life about these things. My wife used to tease me about some of these things, usually not in a mean way, but it still made me self-conscious. In particular, it was: singing, crying (really just eyes welling up, not full crying), being emotional, wanting to be the little spoon, and being hairy. In some cases, I know she found it endearing. What I'm trying to say is teasing is not a way to show appreciation for someone's unique characteristics. If it's something you like, compliment instead of tease.
Toxic masculinity doesn't just effect men. Women grow up with toxic gender roles just as much as men do. Patriarchal norms hurt and damage everyone. We all need to normalise all genders enjoying the fullness of human emotion and experience. I hope you've met more compassionate people since then.
Load More Replies... Men shouldn't be embarrassed about getting a pedicure! It beats having toenails that look like an ogre's.
They deleted it but I find men who play video games extremely attractive and i find that the best thing is when they geek out over certain games
Literally met my late wife on a Silent Hill fan forum.
Load More Replies... Also women really don't care about the size of our ding dongs. From 1cm to 30cm they love our snakes in all forms
I agree these are things men shouldn't be insecure about, but they also shouldn't change themselves just to be attractive to others. If they legitimately realise they have been hiding who they are, they should start being themselves, but not just because they think it is now 'ok' because people like these traits or interests.
The repeats are an aberration of the voting system. If something moves down the list while you're still scrolling it, it can appear to repeat in the lower position. I wonder if this depends on device. Some devices might handle page load differently. I also wonder if scrolling to the bottom immediately would help prevent it from happening.
Load More Replies... At some point, I call some absolute BS on this whole article. Apparently, women don’t mind a guy who makes minimum wage, has a receding hairline, is overweight, orgasms before they do, and doesn’t pay for the meal. I can see being okay with some of that, but at some point, fix your problems men. This is just some feel good BS. Don’t forget living with your parents.
