Women Reassure Men They Don’t Actually Care About These 30 Silly Things Men Are So Often Insecure About
Whether we hide it well or not, we all have a handful of insecurities. As we pick our physical or internal features apart, we often risk becoming too obsessed with something that has no rational ground.
While many women out there know what it means to be way too judgemental of themselves, men are no exception. In a society where an illusory image of a strong and successful man has been fostered since the dawn of time, they find it particularly hard if not impossible to express their vulnerable side.
So this thread on Ask Reddit shares a whole new light on insecurities men have that they often remain silent about. “Girls of Reddit, what is something guys shouldn't feel insecure about?” someone asked, and below we wrapped up the most interesting responses.
Also, when you’re done, don’t forget to check out our previous feature on common female insecurities that according to men don’t matter at all.
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Appearing feminine over stupid things, like thinking a puppy is cute, wearing pink, or being generally friendly and smiley. Women like that s**t and get annoyed and exhausted by men who take masculinity too far.
Imagine being so limited by toxic masculinity that you can't fall in love with a puppy!!!
A good example is actually happening right now. I’m at a pool party. Two very nice overweight guys are in the pool but they are both wearing tee shirts to cover their guts and just standing around. Then there is a 3rd heavyset guy who easily has an extra 40 pounds on the other two guys. He is shirtless having the time of his life playing with abandon the pool basketball game and cracking jokes. He is way more attractive to the girls because he isn’t ashamed of his body and exudes confidence.
Should all three lose weight? Sure, most of us should, but don’t stop having fun because you are ashamed of yourself. Live your life and have fun. This is very attractive to all people.
Just my opinion. I’m a middle aged woman and I think I have a bit of wisdom about things like this. I’ve seen some s**t ha.
It's ok to not be the smartest person in the room. Admitting you don't know/understand a thing does not make you look weak. Blustering your way through makes you seem like an arrogant a*s.
This so much. I love it when people are curious about things/ willing to learn in general. If I know about it, I'll overshare every single thing I know. If I don't, we'll look it up together.
“In my opinion, insecurities develop from messages we get as children,” Susan Petang, a certified divorce coach and the creator of “The Quiet Zone Coaching,” who teaches women how to stop feeling overwhelmed and start waking up happy in the morning again, told Bored Panda in an interview.
“From the very first day, we get obvious and NOT so obvious messages from the people around us. Those messages might be positive, negative, intentional, or unintentional, but our little brains absorb them and accept them as truth,” Petang argues.
Dont feel insecure about liking "girly" things. Order that fruity drink, watch that rom com, and sing in the shower. A lot less people care than you might realize.
Height.
I know the popular presumption is ~anyone under 6 ft is screwed~ but if a girl considers a couple inches to be a dealbreaker she’s not worth your time anyway. I’m short, but lots of my tall and beautiful friends have dated men somewhat to quite a bit shorter than them. It’s no big deal.
Edit: to all the dudes snarking about how the above is not true, I promise ya, that kinda sh*tty attitude is wayyyy more unattractive than any physical characteristic. And if the only women you ever want truly *all* diss you for height, well...I’d look inwardly about your own tastes, too.
I'm somewhere between 5'2" and 5'3". I can't imagine the toll on my neck if I were to date a 6 ft. person.
I'm 5'4", my late husband was 6'7" and used to to like to say "it's like a ventriloquist act gone to a very dark place" or 'there's more than a foot between us"
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My good wife is almost 6 feet tall and I'm 5 foot 5 on a good day height didn't matter to me or her there's far more important things to worry about than stupid s@£t like that
I'm 183cm, which google tells me is almost exactly 6 ft and I have dated guys so much shorter I could rest my chin on their head. It shouldn't matter. Funny situation: the boyfriend laying down on my new 180*200cm bed the wrong direction - I had to go: eh, sorry I don't fit like that.
Lol. I have dated a shorter guy and did not really notice untill I went in for a hug and wrappend my arms around his head instead of his shoulders. He was awesome.
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I am short myself, so I never cared at all about a man's height. The only women I ever heard express a preference were girls that were close to 6ft, because men didn't seem to want to date a woman taller than them.
Nothing g wrong with dating tall women. Never had the opportunity myself, but I don't think I'd have a problem dating a woman tall enough pick me up and carry me away to do who knows what...😉
Load More Replies... You only have to visit Tinder or Bumble to see how many girls have height requirements on their profiles and I've spoken to many women who state they will not date a man under 6ft and many who are quite nasty and discriminatory about it. Edit: I'm not "snarking". It's an observation and since I'm 6'2 it doesn't affect me.
So, SOME women have a requirement. For some reason. Just as SOME guys write "no overweight ones". Doesn't mean it's a general problem. Gosh, I want a guy who is into natural sciences, doesn't mean you have to learn about dinosaurs to get *any* woman.
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I am 5’10, hubby is 5’9. He loves it when I wear heels, he calls me his Amazon. But most of the time, we truly see eye to eye 😉
LOL.. I'm 5'1". My wife is 5'9" without heels (with, she's often 6' or slightly more). She sometimes asks me if I'm bothered by the height difference and I often joke "from my perspective, I get to see everything that I want to ;)" (it's our little perverse joke between us and she always laughs at it)
I find height attractive, doesn’t mean that it’s a dealbreaker though.
My mom is taller than her husband but she is 6' so lots of men are shorter than her
I’m 6’ 6” and on the other end of the spectrum with this. I’ve been called too tall & imposing before.
I'm a 170cm tall woman, in a country where the average height for men is 175. The amount of s**t I've been getting over the years is just staggering. Interestingly enough, it's not from men who are visibly shorter than me but from those who thought they were tall until I've dared to put on a pair of heels. In my experience, short guys are so much more fun as basically every men over 180cm thinks their height is a personality trait. Especially the younger ones.
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I can understand if a tall woman wants to be with a man as tall as she is. It can be awkward if she's 6 foot and he's 5'6" for some people. But these obnoxious twats that are 5'2" and want a man 6'3" or taller should dig themselves a hole and crawl in.
There's nothing wrong with a short woman wanting a tall man, it's a fun combo... as long as they aren't condescending towards men who are shorter, or reject them for being shorter.
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This is generally true. I'm 5'10" and was usually taller than most of the women I dated in my hometown. When I moved to the big city I live in now, there were significantly more beautiful women my height and taller. At first, i was a little bit insecure about it but got over it quickly. They didn't have a problem with it and I've done quite well for myself here so I had nothing to be insecure about in the first place. And ultimately it was out of my control anyways so why worry about it and have it negatively influence me being happy? And like OP said if someone isnt interested in you because of something like height, why would want to be with that person anyways?
The same guys who are upset that women might want taller men are also the ones who don't want any woman over a size 4.
As long as you don't act overly insecure, I don't really care about height.
As a woman i never got this. At first I thought it was an internet joke (i dont really date), then i went on tinder once and everyone literally started with their height. Like i kinda get stuff like muscles and weight in a weird way, but imagine someone looking like and absolute model superstar god and then saying "no, youre under 6' " and its just bizarre. Putting that much emphasis on appearance in general aside, why was this like the line? Or like "hey ur the shittiest person ever, AND ugly, but 6'5", so lets go" its just so... Random.
Sadly, I have friends who are on the shorter side, generally good, kind guys, who get rejected because they are short. They've been told that explicitly. This is a real issue, and while not all women are like that, there are enough that it can genuinely affect men's mental health.
In my experience it depends on the height of the woman. The girls I met generally like their men taller than themselves.
I’m 5 foot. Six foot is just too tall for me. Just because your short doesn’t mean you arnt cute
I have found that quite a few shorter men (not all, I will add) have what I call the "little man syndrome," where they are pushy, demanding, and aggressive because they feel they must make up for their lack of height. And those are the ones who complain that they can't get a girlfriend. Gee - I wonder why?
I'm 5'3", and if all other qualifier checkboxes are equally checked off, I'd select the man closer to 5 ft rather than the man closer to 6 ft or above.
I worked with a couple who had been happily married for over 30 years. Lenore was close to 6' tall and Bud was lucky if he topped 5'6. They were adorable together.
I'm 5'8w my hubby is 5'7 - every man over 6ft is to high for me but lower of 5'7 freaks me out but we can be just friends
I'm a 6 Foot 1 Inch Female (1.85 meters). My dating experience has taught me that most guys over 6 feet tall are they are few and far between, and the ones you usually get are idiots.
The good ones got snapped up by shorter women lol
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Mt daughter us going to physical therapy for her neck. I asked her how she hurt her neck. Her response was Will. Will is her 6'3" boyfriend to her 5'1" self. I just had to laugh.
a coworker would point out that I am short at 5'8" and he is 'normal' at 6'1" I mentioned that I am of average height as defined by the standard and he is infact, grotesque for being too tall...
Also, being taller gives you a shorter life expectancy (men and women), so maybe woman looking for a taller man just want to be sure they'll outlive them. :)
when I saw the measuring tape I thought that the topic of the post was something completely different...
The only issue I have ever had with short men is that they try and act super tough and its a huge turn off. (some, not all obviously)
Only thing I hate is, if I can't reach it, he can't reach it! Hehe. SOMEBODY'S going to have to get the stepstool
My ex was 2 inches shorter and 10 pounds lighter than me. No big deal as far as I was concerned.
I'm 5'9" and my partner is 5'7". It seems like it would be odd to be taller, but we fit so well together that people barely notice I'm taller until someone actually points it out. Idk, kinda like one of those "magic eye" thingies. TBH, when we met, we clicked, and I didn't even think about height.
I've never met a girl with a height requirement and many of the "hot" guys in school were no more than 5'5". Their confidence, intelligence, smiles, senses of humor, and good natured made them irresistible!
I've never cared about a man's height. Give me a funny, confident man and I'm happy :)
I have dated men who were shorter than me. They felt great that they could attract a taller lady. I'm 5' 8.5"
I'm 5' 2" and my other half is 5' 9". If he were any taller I'd need a step stool to give him a kiss. I definitely don't want anyone 6'!
I'm 5' 2" and do not want a man that requires a step stool to kiss. My other half is 5' 9" and that's almost too tall!! A lot of us really don't care.
I’m 4’11”, seriously. 5’6” is tall to me. My 5’8” gf is a giant to me.
It works the other way too. If your GF is taller than you, don't try to tear her down to make yourself feel better. As a 6' tall woman, I kissed a lot of boy frogs who would do this. Those relationships probably would have lasted if they had just let the height thing go.
A friend of mine (a 184cm cis woman) doesn't like dating shorter men. The reason is not the hight. The shorter men who she dated in the past were having a complex about her being talk and turned into controlling aßholes.
I think height and looks are always going to be trumped by the size, quality and shape of your mind and personality.
I’m 5’8”. Ex-husband was the same height, and hated when I wore heels and was taller than him. My fiancé is also the same height and *loves* when I wear heels and *loves* when I’m taller than him.
Im 5’7.5 and my bf is 5’9. Were the same height basically and it works out. Lol
Hubby is about 6-2, I'm 5-10. No neck injuries during kisses is very good :-) (Metric: 1.89 m for him, 1.78 for me.)
My Dad was about 5'3" and it never bothered him, or at least he never showed that it did! He was confident, intelligent and funny and that counted for far more. My mum was 5'6" and they were together for 50 years. I'm so happy I got to grow up with the example of a couple who didn't care less about clichéd ideas about masculine height. I don't think it's a coincidence that I grew up and dated guys who were both taller and shorter than me.
I think there is a big difference between 3 inches and a foot though..
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I'm 5'7", I've never dated anyone taller than me, but I've never felt my height was my core problem. I think my shitty personality and ugly face have a lot more to do with it 😂. Not really kidding though.
My hubby is around 5'7". He's tall enough to reach that stupid cabinet in the kitchen so he's tall enough for me.
I don't care if inches are missing from a guy's height. Missing inches somewhere else? Hmmm. Lol! I'm married though. So I'm not shopping. And all my fantasy time is used up on fictional characters. Their height doesn't enter the equation. I'm 5'3 and my husband is 5'11.
Imagine watching adult movies and choosing by height of the person 😂😂😂 definitely missing inches and not the area you thinking
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My husband who can't grow a beard is also 2 inches shorter than i am he a messed up
I think you maybe meant you like to feel dainty. No way you've talked to all the women on this planet. I couldn't care less about feeling dainty if I tried.
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Being vocal when they orgasm ! I've seen so many guys just hold their breath and try to choke any sound that might come out of their throat when they cum and it's just a little sad, like what are you afraid of ? I wanna know you're having fun, I wanna know you enjoy what's happening ! Be loud about it, screw the neighbors !
“As children, we have little or no life experience or wisdom to filter through those messages and discard what's not true. For example, if your mom gets annoyed and yells, "You're BAD! Don't be so stupid!" I might take that to heart and start to believe I'm bad and stupid, especially if that message is sent over and over again.”
Petang explained that “My subconscious will pick up on those negative messages. Our experiences as children can reinforce insecurities, too. If other kids in your class got an A on a test, but you failed, you might start to believe that you're not as smart, rather than understand that the teacher's teaching style didn't match your learning style, or that you just weren't paying attention that day because you didn't feel well.”
Guys shouldn't have to be insecure about crying. Masculinity standards make men feel they shouldn't ever cry, but its a healthy way if expressing sadness and can even be a method of getting rid of stress.
Hubby cried when daughters were born..... I felt nothing but love and pride for that man!!!😍😍😍😍
Being empathetic towards women's issues.
A lot of men tend to downplay or water down women's reactions, especially when they are in a group. Maybe because they don't want to seem as if they think differently from other men in the group.
If you empathise, you empathise. Doesn't make you less if a man for understanding us and where we're coming from.
This trait is hella attractive,i donno why some men think manly= as*h**e
When asked what are the signs that insecurity has become a real problem for a person, and they should consult a professional, Petang said that it’s when your insecurities start to affect the quality of your daily life, you may need some help. “For example, if you don't try new things because, "I'm never good at stuff like that, anyway," your internal messaging needs to be checked out.”
Showing kindness. Along the same lines of emotion but it's ok to be nice. It's not attractive being an aggressive jerk all the time (or at all).
Besides a sense of humor showing kindness is definitely one of the hottest and most attractive features I find in a guy. The more empathic the better.
Singing.
I love when I’m at a chill pizza joint and the cooks in the kitchen are singing. Doesn’t even matter if they’re not great singers. I love when people are happy enough to sing!
I love when they sing too and when they make their pizza dough the old fashioned way by throwing it up in the air spinning it and catching it on their fist.
Not making as much money as their girlfriend or wife. If you're with the right girl she won't care. As long as you have a career that makes you happy, that's all that should matter.
If you're with the right person, who makes what doesn't matter at all because it's all going towards your life together, whether it's your family of pets, or kids, or anything else, it doesn't matter. When the money is discussed as your money vs my money, not our money for our lives now, and our lives together in the future; the relationship should probably be re-evaluated. There is no competition in a relationship between people who are with right person. It's either us, or you, and I, separately.
Petang also said that she can't see an upside to insecurity, but I can see a downside to the opposite, which is narcissism. “When folks think they are the best thing to ever happen to the world, and that they don't need to conform to the rules of the society we live in, it creates hate and chaos.”
According to the life coach, a lot of the time, insecure people are approval seekers, so they desperately try to make others like them. “I guess that's better than being a jerk!”
Their muscles— or lack thereof. Girls aren’t as into muscles as you might think :)
That said, a man who doesn’t look that muscly but is strong is very attractive.
I don't care about muscles but I like it when a guy can defend himself. I've had two ex-boyfriends that didn't look muscly at all but one was a Jiu-Jitsu master and the other one was a knife and mixed martial arts expert. I cannot tell you how sexy I found that. Especially when I saw one of them in action defending another woman from a guy who had slapped her. He won in a fight bare-headed against two guys with knives. That said I also think there's something sexy about pacifists.
Receding hairline. If we love you we love you
My husband was bald when we met, I still think a bald is a solar panel for a sex machine
Some friends of mine are really insecure about not being able to grow a beard. Tbh it doesn’t really matter.
D**k size and their weight
I understand some ppl might think this is a lie but I personally think so as a woman bc size is not what determines how good sex is. Some may hav a preference, but with 7 billion people in this world, I think preferences are diverse. Plus, there are vagina sizes too. Many ppl forget that.
As for weight, love ur body. Confidence is attractive. It only shud be put to concern if ur health is affected by it.
Also, this is my opinion, this isn’t a lie bc this is genuinely how I think. I know there are people out there who can agree, while others may not.
EDIT: I MEANT THEIR BODY WEIGHT LMFAO
I had seen a survey where they asked women what the top 10 attributes on a man were and almost every single time d**k size was last on the list. When they asked men what they thought the top 10 attributes were they almost always put d**k size first. BTW what women thought was the most important was a sense of humor first
acknowledging other attractive guys, women say other women are beautiful all the time why can’t guys say the same things about other guys without fearing being called gay
Again I find it sexy for some reason when a guy is confident enough to admit another guy is attractive. I mean I'm not attracted to women in general but I can still tell you which ones are attractive and sexy.
Cumming quickly. I am honored, sir.
But it's nice if they finish quickly if they will help you get yours afterwards instead of just laying there.
What you do for a living. I feel like everyone is trying to be their best and if that's minimum wage, that's ok. Nothing sexier than a hard worker with dreams.
Guys shouldn't feel so insecure about they're body shape. You don't have to have big biceps or washboard abs in order for a girl to like you.
Edit: their*
Being open about what they do/like.
My current boyfriend loves singing but is so shy even though he has an amazing voice.
When guys sing it’s always amazing. Very attractive and also so amazing when they are so passionate about it
They should stop feeling insecure about showing emotion, especially in a relationship. I know a lot of guys grew up being told that showing emotion was ‘girly’ but honestly when a guy is open about how he is feeling and doesn’t suppress it, it makes everyone feel more secure. When the girl feels like she’s the only one who has real feelings in the relationship then it’s hard to trust the guy, and the guy often feels misunderstood as he isn’t conveying what he wants to. Guys, please know it’s okay to be emotional, you deserve to be honest with the people around you and it makes relationships so much better for everyone involved
Living with your parents/being close to your parents. As long as they don't have to do your thinking for you, it's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!
Apologizing. It builds bridges, it’s not destruction to your ego unless you interpret it that way (so don’t interpret it that way).
About wanting to be the little spoon
I dont think I've ever been able to be the little spoon. I think I would like it cuz I would feel safe.
Don’t feel bad if you don’t always take the lead in a relationship! Those are two way streets, and a lot of girls don’t mind or even enjoy being the one to make the first move or ask you on a date.
Besides that, though, don’t be insecure about being genuine and heartfelt with friends, family, and partners alike. You can say “I love you” to your friends without a “no homo” attached. Being close with your family is endearing. It’s okay to cry.
Just be yourself!
Starbucks barista. Don’t be ashamed of your drink! Pink drink, Frappuccino, chai tea, they’re delicious! And we want you to have a tasty drink!
The flip side of the comments about not being able to grow a beard - guys shouldn't feel insecure about being hairy. I love a hairy chest, and don't find a hairy back or shoulders to be a problem.
Like most things listed here, yeah you'll find women who won't like it, but if they are willing to write you off for something physical that is out of your control, they probably aren't the person for you.
I will say, regardless of anything else, hygiene is important. If you're hairy you might sweat more depending on the climate and how warm you run, but if you shower regularly and keep everything clean, it's all good.
Edit : yes, this includes hairy butts, backs, legs, shoulders, etc. I think the only thing I might ask someone to trim would be crazy nose hair - though that could be disguised by a moustache.
Don't be embarrassed to get a Mani/Pedi!
Note: this post originally had 38 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I guarantee a lot of guys would happily call me a beta cuck loser f*g p*ssy blah blah blah and I couldn’t give one solitary sh*t if they do. I treasure openness, sincerity, empathy and affection, go crazy over kittens and puppies, like the color pink, and I sleep with a stuffed panther. I’m also straight and happily married to a lovely woman. I used to be shy about being less “masculine”, but I embrace it. It’s who I am, and my wife loves it, and it’s something I’m proud of.
I wish I could upvote you more than once. Be yourself. :]
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Ladies, don't tease the men in your life about these things. My wife used to tease me about some of these things, usually not in a mean way, but it still made me self-conscious. In particular, it was: singing, crying (really just eyes welling up, not full crying), being emotional, wanting to be the little spoon, and being hairy. In some cases, I know she found it endearing. What I'm trying to say is teasing is not a way to show appreciation for someone's unique characteristics. If it's something you like, compliment instead of tease.
Toxic masculinity doesn't just effect men. Women grow up with toxic gender roles just as much as men do. Patriarchal norms hurt and damage everyone. We all need to normalise all genders enjoying the fullness of human emotion and experience. I hope you've met more compassionate people since then.
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Men shouldn't be embarrassed about getting a pedicure! It beats having toenails that look like an ogre's.
They deleted it but I find men who play video games extremely attractive and i find that the best thing is when they geek out over certain games
Literally met my late wife on a Silent Hill fan forum.
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Also women really don't care about the size of our ding dongs. From 1cm to 30cm they love our snakes in all forms
I agree these are things men shouldn't be insecure about, but they also shouldn't change themselves just to be attractive to others. If they legitimately realise they have been hiding who they are, they should start being themselves, but not just because they think it is now 'ok' because people like these traits or interests.
The repeats are an aberration of the voting system. If something moves down the list while you're still scrolling it, it can appear to repeat in the lower position. I wonder if this depends on device. Some devices might handle page load differently. I also wonder if scrolling to the bottom immediately would help prevent it from happening.
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At some point, I call some absolute BS on this whole article. Apparently, women don’t mind a guy who makes minimum wage, has a receding hairline, is overweight, orgasms before they do, and doesn’t pay for the meal. I can see being okay with some of that, but at some point, fix your problems men. This is just some feel good BS. Don’t forget living with your parents.
I guarantee a lot of guys would happily call me a beta cuck loser f*g p*ssy blah blah blah and I couldn’t give one solitary sh*t if they do. I treasure openness, sincerity, empathy and affection, go crazy over kittens and puppies, like the color pink, and I sleep with a stuffed panther. I’m also straight and happily married to a lovely woman. I used to be shy about being less “masculine”, but I embrace it. It’s who I am, and my wife loves it, and it’s something I’m proud of.
I wish I could upvote you more than once. Be yourself. :]
Load More Replies... Ladies, don't tease the men in your life about these things. My wife used to tease me about some of these things, usually not in a mean way, but it still made me self-conscious. In particular, it was: singing, crying (really just eyes welling up, not full crying), being emotional, wanting to be the little spoon, and being hairy. In some cases, I know she found it endearing. What I'm trying to say is teasing is not a way to show appreciation for someone's unique characteristics. If it's something you like, compliment instead of tease.
Toxic masculinity doesn't just effect men. Women grow up with toxic gender roles just as much as men do. Patriarchal norms hurt and damage everyone. We all need to normalise all genders enjoying the fullness of human emotion and experience. I hope you've met more compassionate people since then.
Load More Replies... Men shouldn't be embarrassed about getting a pedicure! It beats having toenails that look like an ogre's.
They deleted it but I find men who play video games extremely attractive and i find that the best thing is when they geek out over certain games
Literally met my late wife on a Silent Hill fan forum.
Load More Replies... Also women really don't care about the size of our ding dongs. From 1cm to 30cm they love our snakes in all forms
I agree these are things men shouldn't be insecure about, but they also shouldn't change themselves just to be attractive to others. If they legitimately realise they have been hiding who they are, they should start being themselves, but not just because they think it is now 'ok' because people like these traits or interests.
The repeats are an aberration of the voting system. If something moves down the list while you're still scrolling it, it can appear to repeat in the lower position. I wonder if this depends on device. Some devices might handle page load differently. I also wonder if scrolling to the bottom immediately would help prevent it from happening.
Load More Replies... At some point, I call some absolute BS on this whole article. Apparently, women don’t mind a guy who makes minimum wage, has a receding hairline, is overweight, orgasms before they do, and doesn’t pay for the meal. I can see being okay with some of that, but at some point, fix your problems men. This is just some feel good BS. Don’t forget living with your parents.
