Men Are Listing Things That Society Deems ‘Too Girly’ But They Like Them Anyway (40 Posts)

Relationship expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, told Bored Panda upfront that both men and women are completely free to do whatever ‘girly’ or ‘manly’ activities they want. However, Dan highlighted the simple fact that people will always judge one another and there’s nothing we can do to change that. Instead, it’s best to focus on how we feel about being judged.

“Even the most popular and most liked people in the world are negatively judged. There’s no escaping being judged. So, you just have to do what you want to do in life. You are here to live your own life on your own terms, not the life that others seem to want you to live.”

He continued: “It may upset some people, but they are not living your life. They don’t feel the way you feel. You’ve just got to go ahead and spend your time doing the things you really want to do deep down.”

However, Dan also pointed out that the reality is that many women will negatively judge a man who openly engages in ‘girly’ activities when it comes to feeling attracted and considering them for romantic, committed relationships.

“If a woman goes on a date with a guy who loves to knit, arrange flowers around the house, fuss over his sense of fashion and wear a little make up to look at good as he can, she may worry that he could secretly be gay or bisexual. She may not be right, but she could suspect that based on the way he thinks and behaves,” relationship expert Dan explained.

“She may also worry that if she were to get into a committed relationship with him, he might end up cheating on her with men. Alternatively, she may worry that she’ll end up feeling like she’s in a relationship with a woman who is trapped in a man’s body, rather than a man who is happy and comfortable being a more traditional, masculine man,” he said.

“Once again, she may not be right about her suspicions, but it would be understandable for her to be concerned about those types of outcomes with him if those are not the relationship outcomes she wants,” the expert explained.

“So, while it’s totally fine for a man to engage in traditionally ‘girly’ or ‘feminine’ activities, it’s important to understand that what people accept (i.e. men can do girly things, women can do manly things) and what people feel sexually attracted to, are often two completely different things altogether.”

Schright_dwute’s thread got more than 18k upvotes, 69 awards, and got over a whopping 11.7k comments which just goes to show that a great question can start a wildfire of a discussion. Their fellow redditors debated everything from how nice hugs are (they really are) to how powerful ballet is and more.

However fun and refreshing the thread on r/AskReddit might be, it does raise some serious issues. Specifically, about how gender stereotypes are deeply rooted in society. As well as how people can feel pressured to heavily edit their passions, goals, and aspirations just for the sake of appearances and their reputations.

If you truly love something, whether it’s an activity or a ‘girly’ product, you’ll embrace it no matter what anyone else says. Who cares if the world thinks you’re effeminate? You’ll be the best darn knitter on Planet Earth and you’ll change the world.

But that’s far, far easier to say than to do with unseen (but always present) expectations breathing down your neck. Your confidence will be tested when you’ve got countless people looking at you weirdly like you’ve done something ‘wrong.’

Researchers reviewing theories of masculinity point out that men are expected to maintain a ‘stiff upper lip’ during times of emotional distress and upheaval. In short, men are expected to remain masculine through “emotional control, rationality, responsibility, and successful action.” Emotional expression is ‘allowed’ only in private but not in public.

Back in 1976, sociologist Robert Brannon put together an American model of manhood and what the ‘script’ for men in the 20th century was like. There were four main things that made a man, well, a man, in the context of the culture in the US.

According to Brannon, one of the four key tenets was not leaving room for any ‘sissy stuff,’ which meant putting vulnerability and openness to the side. The emphasis was on bottling up emotions so you weren’t perceived as weak.

The second tenet was that men ought to strive for power, respect, and maintain a positive reputation among their peers. Social status and financial success were the name of the game back then and it was expected of you to try and become a leader in your local community.

The final two tenets of the American masculinity blueprint, according to Brannon’s research, involved being confident and self-reliant like a ‘sturdy oak’ that’s always graceful under pressure, as well as being tough, aggressive, and adventurous.

Echoes of this blueprint can still be felt to this very day. Whether you see these features as something to be strived for or avoided, biological or merely social, is entirely up to you. But there are some major problems that come with repressed emotions.

Being unable to meet expectations while also being forced to keep your issues and emotions to yourself can lead to mental health issues, including depression which can, in turn, lead to suicide.

When you’re ‘not allowed’ to ask for help or to talk about the problems that are making your life hell, you’re leaving yourself more vulnerable than you would if you reached out, saying that you’re unable to deal with your issues yourself. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s facing reality and the brave thing to do.

In your opinion, why does society frown upon people who behave differently than they ‘should’ according to their gender, dear Pandas? What can be done about this? What’s an activity or a thing that you absolutely adore but that society would consider to be ‘too girly’ or ‘too manly?’