40 Things Men Didn’t Know About Women Until They Got Into A Relationship
Romantic relationships reveal a lot. Spending each day with a soulmate by your side and opening your heart to them is one of the greatest joys in life, and it also gives valuable lessons about who you are as a human being. But creating a healthy connection involves a mutual give-and-take between partners. So if love floating in the air has led you to discover some weird quirks about yourself, chances are that you learned a great deal about your significant other too.
A question on Reddit recently posted by user Foolu is an excellent example of that. They decided to reach out to the Ask Reddit community and invite men to open up about what things they learned about women only after getting into a relationship. And boy, did they deliver!
We at Bored Panda went through the responses and handpicked some of the most interesting and relatable ones. So continue scrolling to read about the eureka moments from men and hit upvote on your favorite ones! If you’re in the mood for even more things guys learned about their partners only later in life, check out our earlier pieces about it here and right here.
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That they are very capable of solving their emotional problems themselves. Sometimes they just need someone who listens to their story without them saying whats right or wrong.
Yes. She's a person, not a car. You just need to listen and offer emotional support. If she wants advice or fixing, she'll say.
Well, that's not always true. Sometimes some people are not that direct. Male or female.
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Men do this too. Sometimes I just want someone to say “wow. That’s crazy.” Or even to text back “Right?”. Like that’s all I need sometimes.
Yes. Having someone give you solutions when you want to vent is insulting. I am very capable of figure out my own solutions, what I need is to vent.
I love this! I often tell my husband I don’t need him to pick me up when I fall but I’m super appreciative for that outstretched hand for support while getting back up. And this is often what I mean 🙂❤️
Respectful support from the sidelines is marvellous. If we want more solution based advice, we'll ask!
Wait. You didn't know that women can handle their own emotional issues until you dated one? Really?
If we want you to share your opinion, then we'll ask if our viewpoint makes sense, or if you think we're in the right or wrong - and we need you to be honest. If we're venting about that b***h Stacy, just grab popcorn and pretend you're listening to a podcast, wait until we're done, and give us a hug. Usually if we abruptly change the topic we're done lol
Took me a while. She didn't need solutions but vent to someone. LATER, we can came to solutions.
Hell some times I just need to talk to someone and not expect them to have a answer
A lot of the time women just want someone to listen to them and know that you love them care about them.
OR - I just need to vent, I do not need you to try and solve this for me.
It's called VENTING! Please don't give us your lesson on how to do things differently.
Feel like a woman wrote this one. Dont think many men are thinking women cant solve their own emotional issue. Men however will try and solve it without thinking which can understandably be annoying. But to say this is something men didnt know until dating is just ridiculous
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Sometimes something bothering a person doesn’t need a solution. They just want to talk about something that bothered them. Try offering support. That is a very attractive quality. Saying comments like yours are hurtful and cut deep. They lead to a person not being willing to trust you or confide in you.
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Deborah Tannen goes into this in her book _You Just Don’t Understand_ (which I believe has been recycled as _Men Are From Mars…_): it’s not a 100% thing, but men often see things as ‘problems that need fixing’, while women often simply need to vent. Problems can arise when a man tries to fix a problem that a woman is venting about. (Note that women can be ‘fixers’ and men can be ‘venters’, too).
I read the question to ask her in another post: Do want to talk or do you want a solution? Brilliant!
Stifling the male habit of 'fixing stuff" is hard as hell to do but makes such a difference in a relationship.
True. A lot of times,. I talk about a problem as a way of sorting through it. Something about putting it into words forces me to think it through, and often helps me solve it. I don't need input, I just need someone to listen.
I'd need to have that communicated. Otherwise i indeed tend to come with solutions.
The men who learn this are gods it took my dad forever to learn that 😂
You seem lovely. I bet that attitude never spoil anyone's evening.
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No. They want someone to actually listen and show interest. Feeling heard and having their feelings validated. A "wow really" when you keep staring at your phone isn't the same at all.
Load More Replies... They don't...stop..thinking... at all. I can be sat on the sofa staring at the wall and my mind is a void... occasionally a though may float past, like a discarded crisp packet in the breeze.. then.. back to silence.
Whereas every woman I've been with seems to have a brain like an 80's stock exchange... thats on fire... and full of angry murder hornets.... so much activity.
A good hug when “nothing” is wrong works wonders.
A hug. Without trying to initiate anything. A hug without touching intimate body parts thinking its funny. Just a hug, it's really not hard. You're way more likely to get fun times later on if you respect her needs in that moment and make her feel valued and heard.
Until I actually lived with my partner it was hard to comprehend just how often a period comes, how long it lasts, and how much it can affect your day to day.
What a pain in the a*s. I do not envy the ladies.
which proves how poor awareness about periods are. not trying to make this comment negative though, i'm actually very happy OP figured this out
They tell you to put the seat down on the toilet because they legit fall in if they don’t notice.
Honestly? How much unnecessary guilt women carry around with them over everything.
First girlfriend I had (18 at the time) everytime I did something nice would either apologize or promise some kind of sexual reward. At first it seemed hot but after a few times in a row I just told her I wasn't doing nice things for a reward but because I cared about her. Made her cry and we talked it out afterwards but yeah after that (and just other things I talked to my female friends about) my eyes were opened to how invalid women seem to feel.
Periods suck. Bras suck. Shaving suck. Women don’t get enough pockets on their clothing. And they appreciate compliments A LOT on things they may be insecure about. (Like stretch marks or thighs)
My wife hates her stretch marks. When she's feeling extra down on them I remind her I think they're sexy. I mean we (she) brought life into this world and those stretch marks are a constant reminder of all the memories of her pregnancy. There were bad times for sure, but I see the faces of my babies in those stretch marks. She endured all of that for us. She brought my greatest joys into this world. How can I look at those and not appreciate everything she's done?
That my hoodies are actually her hoodies.
My first relationship I always wondered why my girlfriend would rant at me about things like horrible coworkers, stress dealing with projects etc. and then get mad at me when I tried to talk through the problems, break them down and help come up with workable solutions. My second relationship I realised when women do this, they just want to rant and have a hug at the end. They don't want your advice, they don't want a calm, rational discussion about what they can do to make a situation better. Don't pour kerosene on that fire, just let it burn out.
Not only women. Sometimes I need to vent about my idiot colleague or customer, talk about how stupid they are for five to ten minutes, then have a cup of tea or shot of rum (or yell at wall for a minute) and then I can forgot about it. And sometimes I just need to hear myself to see the solutions. After all, how else I can discuss the problem with somebody who knows as much as I do about the problem?
That periods are a f**king nightmare that we should be grateful we never have to experience, and sympathetic to those who have to suffer them regularly: light or heavy they’re a frigging beast to deal with while living a normal day to day life.
That relationships take a f**k ton of work and commitment.
Before I got into one, I thought love and passion was all that was needed.
I couldn't have been more wrong.
A real relationship takes so much practical work.
Love, passion, dedication, and trust are the foundations, yes.
However, there are so many more practical considerations on top of that.
Some prominent examples:- Attachment styles.- Finances.- Distance.- Emotional bandwidth.- Maturity level.- Sacrifice.- Commitment.- Discomfort and confrontation.- Learning how to argue and disagree healthily.- Concerns about intimacy and sex.- Power dynamics.- Place in life and relative experiences, sexual and otherwise.
The list goes on.
Relationships are a LOT of f**king work and as I learned the hard way, you could love someone more than life itself and be willing to die for them and think they are your one true soul mate AND THEY CAN FEEL THE SAME EXACT WAY but if these other things aren't in place, then it will NOT work and you will experience the most soul crushing and excruciating heartbreak of your entire existence.
What might be a really small thing for me to give her (a gesture, compliment, smile, etc.) can mean a whole lot to her.
That they don't wear matching underwear all the time. Genuinely thought the bra and panties were always a set. I blame the Sears catalogue.
Do you know how expensive lingerie sets are? f that I'm wearing underwear from Hema.
Finding a doctor who won't assume they're either on their period or that it's "all in their head" is insanely hard. It's difficult to understand if every trip to the doctor has been normal and helpful as a dude.
They are more insecure than they let on and we should do our best to not abuse or use those insecurities against them especially in arguments
• I’m more in tune with feelings and emotions now
• The amount of times women feel uncomfortable by men in day to day situations
They appreciate the gifts you've made, even if they're not good, just the fact that you put effort into making them something
The statement "just do what you want" no matter the tone, means you f**ked up.
Actually the most valuable thing I’ve learnt is be honest. If I’m going to the pub and know I’ll be back late, just be straight up and tell it like it is. Most girls like honesty (seems fairly obvious doesn’t it). The relationship I’m in now has been by far the best because I don’t try to play games which has got me into trouble in the past. Honesty and transparency. It’s the key.
When my hubby goes out I don't give a time I would like him to be home, I just ask what time is the latest he will be home. I do this for safety reasons, like when to know I should start freaking out lol. I don't care if he says 2am, he usually calls me if he thinks it will be later. He is the same with me. Of course there is a curfew if we already have plans arranged.
That birth control messes with their hormones a lot.
Yes. Asking someone to be on hormones daily just because "it doesn't feel as good with a condom" is far from reasonable. All women are different of course and different birth control works with different people but never expect someone to mess with their body for you.
The amount of hair they shed is unreal... Not sure how they still have a full body of hair on their head after a week.
My daughter stays with me, each week I sweep out enough hair to knit another daughter
They hate bras. That thing came flying as soon as the door closed behind her.
If men didn't do hell for them everytime when they saw swaying breasts, women wouldn't have to be tortured with bras.
I learned the most after living with a girl. I started to notice dust and tiny things that just went under my radar. I started taking better care of my skin and teeth after seeing their routine. I appreciated better kitchen appliances. Mostly their ability to turn a living space into something warm and welcoming. A woman’s touch is really something special.
You have to teach someone how to be a good lover to you.
People don’t magically know how to meet your needs. And they certainly can’t read your mind.
Yes. And when they tell you, you must be willing to really listen.
Period panties. That special pair that only come out once a month and look like someone wiped up acid with them. Woman’s bodies are amazing, fun, and terrifying in different times and situations.
Somehow men should also know that vaginas have a natural acidity and dark underwear can look bleached in the crotch because of that.
Snuggles are godlike. Clean and organize EVERYTHING. It’s good for your mental health and it gets you respect. This should be first but: “respect others as you wish to be respected”. Bodily autonomy and general “stuff that bodies do” is outside of everyone’s control, let’s all try to manage as we can and let others know if anything is weird. Talk, try, compromise. For the love of all that is holy: trade. I hate doing laundry, but I love cooking and doing dishes. She hates cooking and dishes and anything mucus related. We traded. I cook, I do dishes, I kill the mice, and I clean / take over all doggo snot stuff. She does the laundry and yells if I attempt to touch laundry to help fold. Point is, be dynamic / adaptive: find the difference, what do you want, what do they want. After that, figure out separate hobbies, you can’t be together forever isolated. Do separate hobbies, have separate friends, have faith in each other, enjoy your time together, and make boundaries serious. After that, it’s all you.
Anything mucus related😆. When was a kid, if I was barfing, especially if it ended up all over the place, that was a "dad thing". Mom headed for the hills. I dont know what the trade was on that one.
They shower with lava. At least thats what the water temperature felt like.
I'm female, but my male partner had no idea that women can't 'hold in' our periods like we hold in pee.
I found this out when he was telling me about a girl in 6th grade who got her period in class, and he couldn't believe how she just 'let it all out all over' (as if she peed in her pants but it was period blood).
I had to explain to him how it works. But I guess, how would he have known? I never thought about it.
Don't be fooled by her constantly forgetting where her keys and phone and stuff are, she'll definitely remember what you said word-for-word October 3 2017 at 6:14PM.
She is more accepting and understanding of my actions than I ever imagined possible. When I feel the need to justify she knew. When I felt unsure she encouraged, more! She more completely captures me, better than a selfie. She is a mirror more honest than my reflection. The brighter I beacon the better she shines making me better to be closer. I married her so results may vary.
If you can tell something is wrong and you ask them “Is something wrong? Let’s talk about it.” And they say “No”, that doesn’t mean nothing is wrong and they don’t want to talk. A lot of the time they just need time to process. Let it breathe, give some space, and let them bring it up later instead of being pushy.
I learned that girls find you attractive mostly for what you do and how you do it, rather than how you look. Guys are more visual in that sense. I've been with girls during periods when I thought I looked like s**t but I still managed, somehow, to be attractive in their eyes just from the way I treated others and the way I made them laugh.
This could be because how we evolved. Think about it, what is procreation for man? 5 minutes. For woman it is 9 months of pregnancy (and we all know that pregnant women are kind of fragile) and then caking care of a kid for ~10 years. So men are looking for good physical traits, while women are looking for somebody who will take care of them for next 10 to 20 years. Somebody who will protect them when they are vulnerable. And mostly, somebody who will protect them from other men. Nicolas Lloyd has a theory that this is why dance is so important. What does a good dancer need? Stamina, good coordination, dexterity, reading other people,... it is same list as a good fighter. But do you want somebody who fights a lot? No, that guy will be dead sooner than later, because he will p**s off everyone. You want somebody, who would be a good fighter when needed.
Make up is expensive as f*ck.
Their favorite bra doesn't get washed much.
*the only bra that fits properly and doesn't make a boob fall out in inappropriate situations * 😂
That they have their own libido. As a teenage male, it didn't occur to me. Yeah, I was a dumba*s. There was always so much talk about boys going through changes and having urges, that it truly never occurred to me that girls felt the same.
That's because all we ever talk about with girls is periods and how not to get pregnant. Nobody talks about how girls can be walking hormone bombs (aside from getting their periods) or how confusing a changing female body can be and how weird it is that getting a pair of boobs suddenly makes everyone treat you differently.
They fart just as much as guys do.
You don’t have enough hangers.
That the difference between men and women is surprisingly small
That morning routine ain't no joke
Note: this post originally had 65 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.
I learned that thedifferent pad sizes are for how heavy the flow is. not pussy size.
Why the downvotes? It's a perfectly acceptable thing for men not to know? Hey, only last week my father told me that if men get a tailored suit (at an upscale joint, anyway), they will get asked on what side they "wear it" as it apparently influences the measurements of the clothes. I'm 35, and I had never ever heard of that actually being a thing (and yes, I am married to a man). Because as a woman, why and how should I know?
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Comunication. If something bothers you, tell her/him calmly. And how to clean. Turns out you should wash your cleaning cloths one a couple of weeks
Some of these are embarrassingly simple. Women can't talk about enjoying sex without being harassed, because women are always harassed
I wish I could have read this article in 1975. Would have helped a lot, in the following thousand years that my marriage lasted.
This is a bunch of stereotypical tidbits from men. What I have learned about men? They generalize women.
I agree Cleshawn. A better title probably would have been "40 things men didn't know about their PARTNER until they got into a relationship".
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I’m thinking that men who actually want a partner in life should read this in it’s entirety.
Please help with house work. You both live there. And yes, just a hug or back massage without expecting something in return.
Not help though - do their share. Helping implies that someone is in charge/have responsibility. Housework should be shared.
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Why is it in all of these posts about men learning things about women, or the publicized stupidity of some of the men out there (especially on the topic of women), you just see a ton of comments that group men as a whole being stupid, overly sexual, rude, needy, etc.? I get that, yes, men suck (and I agree with a lot of those opinions), really because too many guys can't keep their thoughts INSIDE of their head, but it doesn't need to spill out to men as a whole. Because of all of this, and my life experiences, I'm genuinely averse to being a male myself. For all of the issues about so many men that women bring up, I totally agree, but the small amount of men who do or say bad things publicly, do not need to be cast over all, not even the majority, of men. To those woman who have been kind and courteous, encouraging even, about the men who have learned things in these posts, thank you. The world needs more women like you.
This is one I have to laugh at now; I happened to see myself go into a hot flash while washing my hands in the bathroom. I walked into the living room and told my husband (seriously, it's kinda creepy to see yourself just flush red out of nowhere). His response? "Cool! Can you do it on command?" No. No, I cannot. If I could control it, it wouldn't happen AT ALL. We still make jokes about it, actually...
A: Am I the only woman left on earth who doesn't have massive issues with her period? I'm 42 with 3 kids and I've never really noticed anything but the mess. B: Copper IUD. Look into it. There are no hormones, it lasts over 10 years. Fertility returns almost instantly after you remove it. And again, I don't even notice it most of the time. I believe that it's suppressed because they can't make a lot of money from something that only needs attention every decade or so.
Who hurt you David? I just don't even have the energy to address all the things wrong with your comments. BTW, I'm a dude too.
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I learned that thedifferent pad sizes are for how heavy the flow is. not pussy size.
Why the downvotes? It's a perfectly acceptable thing for men not to know? Hey, only last week my father told me that if men get a tailored suit (at an upscale joint, anyway), they will get asked on what side they "wear it" as it apparently influences the measurements of the clothes. I'm 35, and I had never ever heard of that actually being a thing (and yes, I am married to a man). Because as a woman, why and how should I know?
Load More Replies... Comunication. If something bothers you, tell her/him calmly. And how to clean. Turns out you should wash your cleaning cloths one a couple of weeks
Some of these are embarrassingly simple. Women can't talk about enjoying sex without being harassed, because women are always harassed
I wish I could have read this article in 1975. Would have helped a lot, in the following thousand years that my marriage lasted.
This is a bunch of stereotypical tidbits from men. What I have learned about men? They generalize women.
I agree Cleshawn. A better title probably would have been "40 things men didn't know about their PARTNER until they got into a relationship".
Load More Replies... I’m thinking that men who actually want a partner in life should read this in it’s entirety.
Please help with house work. You both live there. And yes, just a hug or back massage without expecting something in return.
Not help though - do their share. Helping implies that someone is in charge/have responsibility. Housework should be shared.
Load More Replies... Why is it in all of these posts about men learning things about women, or the publicized stupidity of some of the men out there (especially on the topic of women), you just see a ton of comments that group men as a whole being stupid, overly sexual, rude, needy, etc.? I get that, yes, men suck (and I agree with a lot of those opinions), really because too many guys can't keep their thoughts INSIDE of their head, but it doesn't need to spill out to men as a whole. Because of all of this, and my life experiences, I'm genuinely averse to being a male myself. For all of the issues about so many men that women bring up, I totally agree, but the small amount of men who do or say bad things publicly, do not need to be cast over all, not even the majority, of men. To those woman who have been kind and courteous, encouraging even, about the men who have learned things in these posts, thank you. The world needs more women like you.
This is one I have to laugh at now; I happened to see myself go into a hot flash while washing my hands in the bathroom. I walked into the living room and told my husband (seriously, it's kinda creepy to see yourself just flush red out of nowhere). His response? "Cool! Can you do it on command?" No. No, I cannot. If I could control it, it wouldn't happen AT ALL. We still make jokes about it, actually...
A: Am I the only woman left on earth who doesn't have massive issues with her period? I'm 42 with 3 kids and I've never really noticed anything but the mess. B: Copper IUD. Look into it. There are no hormones, it lasts over 10 years. Fertility returns almost instantly after you remove it. And again, I don't even notice it most of the time. I believe that it's suppressed because they can't make a lot of money from something that only needs attention every decade or so.
Who hurt you David? I just don't even have the energy to address all the things wrong with your comments. BTW, I'm a dude too.
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