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Unfortunately, we’re not mind-readers—at least… most of us aren’t. That means that if we want somebody to know something, we have to vocalize it. Or hope beyond hope that they’ll pick up on the trail of clues we leave in our body language.

The men of Reddit have come together and shared the things that they wish women knew and the things that are important to them, in the context of romantic relationships and beyond. They opened up about cute things like the fact that men really do enjoy hugs and compliments and also broached practical topics like the need to be alone from time to time. (Hey, boundaries are important, especially in relationships.)

As you’re scrolling down, upvote the posts that you agree with. And you should also swing by the comment section to share the things that you wish your partners knew, too, dear Pandas. Bored Panda spoke about the dynamic between men and women, and why it’s important to communicate about what’s most important to us with dating and relationship expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man. Scroll down to read what he had to say.

#1

Just say it straight. Don't make me read between the lines or trying and take a hint. How in the heck am I supposed to know you're into me if you don't say it. I don't know you well enough to read your brand of body language, but I'm interested in you cause you seem cool.

If you respond with a "no" to my interest I will respect your boundaries, don't expect me to "try harder". No means no.

Verbal communication is way better.

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Clark Tyler DS
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. It's really the basic concept of consent we teach our kids. No means no. I talked to a girl once that told me, if I were a real man, I would chase her. No ma'am. A real adult says what they mean.

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Bored Panda asked dating and relationship expert Dan to elaborate on the kinds of attitudes that are healthy in relationships, as well as whether it’s important to be on the same page in terms of respecting and understanding each other’s passions in life.

“The best attitude is true, sincere love where you honestly care about the other person and only want the best for them. However, that can only happen if the dynamic of the relationship continues to produce those feelings over time,” the expert told us.

#2

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men You know that complaint that women sometimes have that just because they are polite to you doesn't mean they're interested in you?

Yeah, that works both ways. I'm not saying "good morning" because I want to bed you, I'm not holding the door for you because I think you'll reward me with some nookie for doing so, etc. etc.

I'm doing so because, like you, I'm a decent human being and am being polite.

just_some_a--hole , chris_jolly Report

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Tobias Reaper
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

exactly i am just being polite i would do the same for a person of any gender or even species but not bears though

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#3

Women body shaming men is just as bad as men body shaming women.

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“If the dynamic of the relationship causes one or both of them to lose their feelings of attraction and love, then it will be very difficult to behave, think or care in the same way they did in the beginning. As a result, the relationship will become stale and a breakup or divorce will almost certainly happen at some point,” he said that consistent, genuine effort has to be put into relationships to make them work.

“Unfortunately, most people don’t ever get taught how to create and maintain a mutually happy, in love and attracted relationship dynamic, so they just wing it and hope for the best, which then results in high levels of breakups and divorces,” Dan said that just hoping for the best without actively doing your best isn’t good enough.

#4

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Girl: I’m dropping so many hints! Why doesn’t he get them?
Boy: I think the girl is dropping hints but I’m not sure I want to risk my friendship and embarrassment, so I’ll just ignore them.

Qepperoni , Ekaterina Report

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User# 6
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't speak for all men, but as a general rule of thumb: we are dreadful at deciphering subtle signs. Please just say what you want to convey.

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Life would be much easier if we just said what we want instead of hinting. People misreading others "hints" actually causes many issues.

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Vlacas12
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, and not only men, but also other people, like ones with ASD or other social issues, could profit from this.

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DennyS (denzoren)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've had times where I found out years later that someone was interested and I was like, why didn't you just tell me? In their defense I was interested too but didn't say anything.

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S. Tor Storm
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Uhm yeah, why doesnt he get the hints? Men being vilified every single day as sex-mad rapists might be a reason..?

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No you can't have my name
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The number of men who get offended by women treating them like potential rapists instead of thinking with the brain they have about why so many women just automatically assume men are rapists isn't helping either. Stop getting mad at women for protecting ourselves and start calling out the culture that gives a rapist 3 months incarceration because "it may ruin his life".

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Sean Harrison
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or, in today's world, I don't want to get accused of sexual harassment and canceled.

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Furious George
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do think that women need to realize that men are conditioned (I think thanks to the whole "nice guy" phenomenon) that platonic female friends want to be platonic and even asking one out is kind of a gross overreach of the friendship (and might end it and cause hurt and mistrust of men in the future). I get that men should be better at picking up on things, but it's pretty well established that most are not. That's fine, but it does require that women might have to make the first move more frequently.

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EQXL
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't forget we're not allowed to assume anything!

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WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For a women getting a hint wrong is just embarrassing, for a guy getting a hint wrong could be a "straight to jail" card.

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Prestigous Cactus
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If your hints are going unnoticed by most men, the problem is not the men.

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Paula Marowsky
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Droping hints never works. What may be obvious for someone is not necesairly clear for someone else. I'm a female and I never get hints myself. Is really speaking clearly that hard??

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Kanuli
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or: hints? Where? Just be direct and honest sometimes? Or always?

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An Co
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The #1 cause of failed relationships is poor communication. If you are dropping hints, you are the problem.

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Phil Vaive
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Flirting has been shown to be literally 50/50. If you're being flirted with, 50% of the time you won't know it. And 50% of the time you think you're being flirted with, you aren't.

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Jon Steensen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Men are not so primitive that we automatically want to jump on anything remotely female. So it may be an option that he is ignoring your hints, simply because he is not into you. So he do not want things to develop between you, but straight up declining your approach may seem a bit too harsh, and silently ignoring your hint may be a hint ment for you to make it stop.

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Poultry Geist
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I won’t comment on all of these I swear but the guy that you want to take the hint isn’t going to take the hint! Be straight forward with people sometimes it backfires but at least you won’t spend forever wondering!

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ZAPanda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hints suck. If you like someone just say so. If they say no thanks then that is the end of that. Drop it.

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Brooklynn Jackson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Most of the time, the girl only drops hints 'cause she's too shy and fears rejection, so she wants you to ask her out, and vice versa

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adam huber
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ladies guys are stupid. its not the risk we are afraid of we just dont get hints

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Marina Schwartz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even after 32 years of marriage my hubby doesn’t take hints so if I really want something I just say so. He doesn’t read minds either so I just comes out and say things. Girls don’t get it but women do

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Mark Vosters
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel for many humans fear of rejection is a major reason there are so many missed conections . I was dreadfully afraid and awkward of this in high school only later in life after I was married found out how many girls were into me .

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SocksNeverMatch
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry to hear this one. Women will always stay friends no matter the situation, most men are projecting THEIR fear of losing a friend. But dude, If they feel the same its awesome!

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Snorkeldorf
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mutual flirtation with a guy where I got coffee every morning. Manager position. It was a deli and also would also stop by and pick up sandwiches and other stuff. Over the course of many months we discussed lots of things including "are you seeing someone, hmmm....no me either". We were both widowers. Finally, one day, I asked if he'd like to go out to dinner some time. He was absolutely for it and explained later that he wanted to ask me out but thought maybe I was just being nice and so he was afraid to ask me. Heavy sigh. We didn't last but I don't know why people don't want to take a chance. And I still go in there from time to time (changed job location so no coffee every morning) and it's not awkward. He is, and always will be, a great guy.

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cybermerlin2000
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You speak with your mouth but mumble in an alien language with your body

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jolie laide
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish more women would just come out and say, "Can I take you on a date? I really like you. If not, that's cool, I'd like to be friends though if that's okay with you?" If it's not okay, that's fine too. I think a lot of people, regardless of gender, really lack emotional maturity. They don't know how to handle their thoughts and emotions, how to work through them, redirect them, etc. It's what makes a lot of people, men and women, so scary sometimes.

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MollyJune
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tbh, girls are the same way though. Sometimes I think someone might like me, but I'm like, no, it's probably just my feelings messing with my head.

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Loretta
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I as a girl can definitely second that. I WILL tell you if I want more.

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Janet C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'll say it again: Problem is that little girls are taught to "play hard to get" because if she comes off as too interested she'll be labeled as "easy" -- it's mess up.

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Brandon Adams
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can read hints easily my thought is just If you aren't mature enough to just come out and say it I'm not even gonna consider you

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Steve Fischer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was invited over to a girl's house one night. We were sitting on the couch and I told her I was kinda shy. She led me into her bedroom, first showing me a porn book she had been reading, and then started taking off her clothes. Needless to say I wasn't shy anymore!

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Lsai Aeon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm female and I never understood why so many females play these games, it makes no sense to me either. I'm with the guys on this one

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Nojman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For the love of God. Stop using hints. We are not keen enough to pick up on them!

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AidenDaBored
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think this goes both ways or I just over think too much that I sometimes end up doing things like guys do

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Jules Creative
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We only want to date caring, observant men who can take hints.

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#5

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Please ask us out. It makes us feel wanted and loved.

SalFunction12 , Hac Hai Report

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Nathaniel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For me I feel like even talking to a woman, no matter how innocent my intentions I am being judged for only wanting "one" thing, it makes it so awkward should I want to ask a woman out, I dare not.

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#6

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Just because I’m not talking, doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying my time with you.

Denmasterflex , Jonas Weckschmied Report

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Nathaniel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My measure of how close you feel with someone. I have had many a happy a time just sat reading a book, with someone sat next to me also reading or doing puzzles etc. No communication, just being there with each other.

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Relationship expert Dan explained to Bored Panda that even though it’s wonderful to have the support of your partner when it comes to the things that you most care about, at the end of the day, we have to understand that this won’t be the case in every scenario.

“A man needs to be aware that his girlfriend or wife may not understand his passion project the way he does,” he pointed out that a guy’s girlfriend might simply not ‘get’ why he wants what he wants or needs what he needs.

#7

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men We like random gifts, we like random hugs, we like random signs of affection and love — sometimes just a cup of coffee in my favorite mug is enough to convince me it’s going to be a good day.

Additional_Breath_89 , Anastasia Sklyar Report

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#9

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Sometimes stuff is just difficult. For no reason I can also be sad, just because I don’t cry doesn’t mean I’m not sad.

Also

We don’t want to be the ones who always initiates sex, it makes us feel creepy sometimes.

Psychological_Pay_36 , Gadiel Lazcano Report

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“She may not see the importance of it, or might be annoyed with it because he has failed at it for years on end and they have bills to pay,” Dan said that some people might even start resenting their partners if their passions, projects, and goals haven’t yielded fruit (yet).

“She wants to see progress in their life and have a feeling of security about their future, rather than watching him spending years or decades fiddling around with something that isn't providing results for them as a couple now,” he noted how some women think and how they sometimes disregard what guys think is important.

#10

When we're start dating, all other women don't magically become unattractive. No, I don't want to be with them, but some are still pretty. I will look. I won't stare. It means nothing and has no influence on my feelings for you. Btw, I'll probably look at that guy with huge arms too, and it won't bother me if you do the same. Attractive people are just beautiful things in nature like a sunset or a mountain view. Go ahead and look. Enjoy. I don't want to stick my d**k in any of them.

TMAC77TNM Report

#11

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men We need just as much support as you do, it’s always a shock when a guys kills himself until you look back at all the subtle cries for help. We’re screaming on the inside and we need someone to let us know it’s okay.

fosterdylan , Daniel Reche Report

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Natalia A
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Helplines for the men in the UK: https://www.safeline.org.uk/what-we-do/men/ https://www.mankind.org.uk/ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/helplines-listening-services/ https://www.thecalmzone.net/

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#12

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Men love being the target of a romantic gesture. Many men never have been.

GamerFromJump , Brittani Burns Report

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Catarina
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When we we're dattting i left post-its with notes all around the house with litle hearts and my husband still talks about that 🥰

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However, Dan believes that even a lack of support can be a blessing in disguise. “A woman behaving like that in a relationship is often a blessing for a man. In many cases, a dissatisfied girlfriend or wife will drive a man to work harder and smarter, which can lead to the success of his passion project,” he said that some guys go the extra mile when they have something to prove to the people closest to them.

“He will have a 'must succeed' attitude, rather than only giving it a shot and seeing how it goes. That's often the difference between success and failure.”

#13

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men We aren't great with hints. Communication is king.

I-moth , Juan Pablo Serrano A Report

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Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, you put the trash by the front door for him to take out and him: "Honey I'm home" and steps over the trash.... Just kidding. Seriously, It's true, you men aren't great when it's a guessing (hinting) game. But if asked what to do most men don't mind that and will do it!

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#14

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men We actually really want to be complimented too. A 60 year old women complimented me 5 years ago and it still makes me feel good, which just shows how little we get compliments.

Snoo_95427 , Marina Abrosimova Report

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Tobias Reaper
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my best friend who is female told me when we first met 5 years ago my hair looks good short i have cut it short ever since and try to keep it short

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#15

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Get away from me at night in the summertime, I still love you. I’m just hot and don’t want to snuggle.

Ragnaroknight , Jess Bailey Designs Report

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ToGo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A man like this would suit me just fine! Get away from me at night, every season. I don't mind snuggling for a few minutes but then I want my own side of the bed and my own cover. I'll be a much more romantic and pleasant woman during the day if I get a good sleep 😂.

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However, that’s not to say that support isn’t important. It is! And a lack of it can be a very clear indication that the relationship might not be working as well as it should. Passion projects, large or small, can help identify weaknesses in relationships by seeing how one’s partner reacts to them.

“If a man finds that no matter how much progress he makes, she still gets annoyed and doesn’t like him working on it, he needs to start thinking about whether or not she should remain part of his life,” the expert said.

“He doesn’t need to leave her right away, though. He should make real progress on his passion project and then, if she is still dissatisfied, he should calmly and lovingly let her know that he’s not going to stop working on it and if she doesn’t like that, she is welcome to leave him.”

#16

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men It’s ok to make the first move. Guys can be shy too. Come talk to me instead of staring at me.

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I made the first move with my now hubby. I approached him on the bus, didn't even know who he was.

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#17

If you don’t want to hear the truth about something don’t ask me to tell you the truth. Because I’m going to tell you the truth every time.

absurd-comment Report

#18

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men When we say we're thinking about nothing, the majority of the time it literally is just nothing or ridiculous scenarios that we make up that sound stupid when said out loud.

yeetgodmcnechass , Jason Strull Report

#19

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men When we tell women that we don’t know how we feel about something it’s usually true and we genuinely don’t really understand how we are supposed to feel. I personally wasn’t allowed to express emotions growing up and it turned into me not being able to understand my emotions.

rb2130 , Adrian Swancar Report

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User# 6
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, when you ask 'what are you thinking about' the answer 'nothing' is true. Trust me, a men's head can be completely vacant.

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#20

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men I really like to hang out with my friends because I love them. Not because I don't want to spend time with you.

haankip , Stephan Seeber Report

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Tracy Wallick
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People who are insecure about their SO spending time with their friends probably need to think about why that is, rather than taking it out on their SO.

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#21

We aren’t unemotional, we just may not show it as often. It hurts when I’ve had to hear from my mother or sister say things like “you’re a guy, you aren’t good with your emotions” or “you don’t understand being emotional”. I do. I absolutely do. Saying things like “I don’t understand” in such an arrogant, condescending tone only makes me want to show them less.

TheMando9 Report

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-
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it's worth it to explain things. My mother used to snap at me "Don't you understand?!" She wouldn't explain what she meant and that left me feeling too stupid to be worthy of proper communication. It wasn't until I was 20 that I finally burst into tears and told her, "You always say that! If you want me to understand, you explain!" She communicated better after that.

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#22

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men All the hurtful things they say don’t just magically disappear from men’s memories. We have feelings too. And criticizing a man for being honest with feelings as not being manly is not only cruel but also highly ironic considering there’s a constant yearning for men with emotion.

TheGhostofYourPast , Ekrulila Report

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Furious George
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope women really read this one. I have had partners say some truly heinous s**t to me over the years, things that I would never say, and then just brush it off with something like "I was stressed". Unfortunately, just because it wasn't a big deal to you doesn't mean that it won't still haunt me for years.

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#23

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Not all men of course, and some women have it too but.......The nothing box is real.

The nothing box is a small section of the brain that contains absolutely nothing at all. When we enter the nothing box we genuinely are not thinking a single thought. There is no song playing in our head, there is no thought process, there's so much nothing that we don't even recognise at the time that we're not thinking anything, because to do so would be a thought. If someone looks like their brain has just checked out and they have a dead-eyed stare into middle distance then they're probably in the nothing box.

The passage of time ceases to exist, no physical sensation makes it through. Once in the nothing box, you stay in there until some external stimulus or the formation of an errant thought pulls you out of it. Leaving the nothing box is the first time that you are even aware you were in the nothing box.

It's like a nap for the brain while all other functions remain.

Mischief_Makers , Ümit Bulut Report

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Lee Macro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have some good moments doing this. Laying down, not thinking, just being

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#24

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men I want real knight armor for my birthday but I’m not allowed to say so because society forces me to hide it.

FortniteKevin , wikimedia.commons Report

#25

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men If I’m lying in bed with someone, just enjoying the moment together, I should be able to just enjoy the moment and let my mind drift to wherever it’s going. If you want to talk about the future of the relationship or something, that’s great and we can do that if you start that conversation, but if you ask me out of the blue what I’m thinking about, and I say Bolbi’s “Slap slap slap” song from Jimmy Neutron, then you shouldn’t get mad at me just because it’s not the thing you wanted me to be thinking about! Just tell me you want to talk about the relationship and we can do that!

SolarisIX , Edward Eyer Report

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#26

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Playing “hard to get” does not work for a lot of people.

LavaTGP , Tirachard Kumtanom Report

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Daria B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Playing hard to get" is immoral to start with. It skews the understanding of rejection.

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#27

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men If you take the initiative and ask an average looking dude out, there's like a 99% chance he'll say yes.

Mizar97 , Clay Banks Report

#28

When I get angry at my video games I’m not an angry person. I just f**kin suck at Dark Souls.

MrDrewE Report

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Furious George
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

🤣🤣🤣 my wife gets so mad when I play call of duty because "it REALLY doesn't sound like I'm having fun".

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#29

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Sometimes men just need some alone time. (From everyone and everything)

ToastyTheToastr , Priscilla Du Preez Report

#30

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men When I say “I don’t mind,” I really mean it. If I did mind, I would say so.

MaygarRodub , cottonbro Report

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Janus Preez
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Esoecially with food - do you want beef or chicken ? I don't mind, I really don't mind, either one will do. I'm not indecisive, its just food

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