No matter how self-confident we may present ourselves to the outside world, everyone has chinks in their armor. You know, these little flaws we find when our inner critic takes control to pick our features apart one by one. Unfortunately, our insecurities can get the better of us and sometimes even start to control us.

Women especially feel pressure to achieve perfection we all know doesn’t actually exist. Many have been lured into believing they have to be secure about their looks, personality, intellect, career, and every other aspect of their life. So sometimes, all we need are little reminders to give us a bit of a boost to conquer any self-doubts we may have.

Recently, user naruturtle created a post on the Ask Reddit community and asked men to share the things women and girls shouldn’t be insecure about. The thread received hundreds of comments that remind ladies to stop needlessly obsessing over imperfections and feel confident in their own skin. Below, you’ll find some of the most illuminating answers from the thread, so upvote the ones you agree with and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments!

#1

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter I asked my husband this question, so here's his answer:

Weight gain. Not seriously obese or lack of caring for health, but don't worry about a little extra fluff. So go ahead, eat that pizza slice(s) you're secretly eyeing!

This one is a big one for me because I gained due to birth control and a couple years of poor eating when we went through money struggles. Now we're having our second and final child, so I've been extra insecure with all these body changes and gaining weight. Of course he's on board with me wanting to lose weight and get back to where I was, but he always tells me I'm beautiful and he loves every bit of me. He has never made me feel bad for my body

magicrowantree , Huha Inc. Report

Wang Zhuang
Community Member
5 months ago

This is probably the number 1 insecurity, and should be number 1 on this list. Incels and the idiots who get rejected on Tinder are the ones who call out women for their weight, but most mature men don't really care. Be yourselves and love yourselves, ladies.

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#2

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter I personally want to find the person that told women freckles should be covered up and I don’t want to hurt anyone so I’ll just have a strongly worded conversation with them. Maybe it’s just me, but I have a serious weakness for freckles. From a dusting across the bridge of a woman’s nose to head-to-toe ginger freckles. I think they’re gorgeous.

sloowhand , Chermiti Mohamed Report

Susie Elle
Community Member
5 months ago

The number of ads I get on Youtube about cosmetics that cover up 'facial impurities' is staggering and all of them are dumb because why are you not allowed to have a mole or something along the line?

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To learn more about female insecurities and how needless obsessions over them affect our lives, we reached out to psychotherapist Sheri Heller, LCSW who specializes in the treatment of complex trauma, narcissistic abuse syndrome, and addictive disorders. "How we criticize ourselves is predicated on whether or not we have a realistic assessment and sense of acceptance of who we are," she told Bored Panda.

Heller explained that when our relationship with ourselves is mired in rejection, perfectionism and self-loathing critical scrutiny of who we are and what we do is a constant source of distress. Way too often, women find fault within themselves and worry about how other people perceive them. And even when they hear words of encouragement to stop self-doubting themselves, learning how to overcome it is challenging.

#3

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Ovulation and periods. It’s completely natural, and only weirdos and teen boys get grossed out by you talking about it.

Representative-Fig96 , Rebecca Manning Report

Nor
Community Member
5 months ago

So true, my guy get pads and tampons for me, without me asking

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#4

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Not a man, but a lesbian, so I think I can provide some input here.

Anything genital related - pubic hair grooming standards, labia size, shape, colour, etc.

Everyone is a little different, and I nor any woman I've ever slept with, or any man in any of the guy talk I've been privy to as a lesbian (always a little weird to be a part of), has ever cared about any of it. Whatever you were born with is completely natural and beautiful. And if you want to rock a full bush, or go completely bald, or do a landing strip, or whatever your little heart desires, you do you and anyone in a position to see it is just going to be glad they're in that position.

Sabrinavt , Juli Kosolapova Report

Beth S
Community Member
5 months ago

I love the part that says "anyone in a position to see it is just going to be glad they're in that position" - it gave me a chuckle.

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#5

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Being a total dork, plenty of guys want a goofy girl that we can be ourselves around

This-Artist-3541 , Brooke Cagle Report

Kesam
Community Member
5 months ago

Well, I'm a total dork, so it's a perfect fit! ❤

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According to a report by Weight Watchers, females are indeed highly self-critical — they were found to criticize themselves at least eight times a day. The survey of more than 2,000 women revealed a worrying trend with one in seven admitting to being regularly judgmental of their body, personality, relationships, money, or career success every day.

An estimated 46 percent admitted having negative thoughts at least once before 9:30 AM. Moreover, a staggering 89 percent revealed they prefer complimenting their friends but not themselves, and 88 percent even said they would never criticize them in the same way.

"Women often get caught up in one-dimensional prescriptives that superficially measure a woman’s worth," Heller said. "This runs the gamut from measures of beauty to degrees of selflessness, popularity, and image."

#6

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Being bad at sex. If a guy says you’re bad at sex, he’s a piece of s**t. Real good sex comes from an emotional connection. It’s not you, it’s them. They suck.

Master-Frosting-201 , Maddi Bazzocco Report

Kesam
Community Member
5 months ago

Oh yes, that's a big one for me. Sex in itself is not a skill. If you're good with your partner, you're good at sex.

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#7

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Wearing the same dress again. Nobody cares except other insecure women.

rubenespanyol , gbarkz Report

Kesam
Community Member
5 months ago

Please, pleeease don't throw out clothes after wearing them once. Producing new clothes does a lot of environmental damage and is often done in sweatshops.

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#8

Approaching/getting rejected by guys. We'd say yes to a tree if one approached us first

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Mama Panda
Community Member
5 months ago

This made me laugh way too hard!

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"Likewise, there are cultural demands placed on women to not only embody mothering attributes and live up to markers of vanity, but also to achieve success in the marketplace. This do all, be all paradigm sets many women up to be self-conscious about falling short of the impossible," the psychotherapist added.

When self-consciousness finds its way into every aspect of our lives, it can significantly affect our well-being. Heller told Bored Panda that being plagued by insecurities causes a person to live an inauthentic life. "One may attempt to conceal their fragility and wounds and aspire to be someone they are not."

"Moreover, one may go into hiding and not realize latent potentials. Psychologically and emotionally, the person afflicted by insecurities feels alienated and alone. They are disconnected from themselves."

#9

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Lack of long eyelashes. Literally, no dude has ever cared about eyelashes.

frankwhite97 , Aryan Dhiman Report

Isaac7lego🇺🇸
Community Member
5 months ago (edited)

Yup, honestly those long fake eyelashes can kinda be odd looking

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#10

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter I like girls who can be real around me. When they feel comfortable and say whatever dumb s**t is on their mind, I feel like I’m actually connecting with someone. Cliche, but I think being yourself and losing the insecurity, in general, is the most attractive thing someone can do.

jrugz320 , Eye for Ebony Report

Trond Øien
Community Member
5 months ago

This actually sums it up quite nicely imho.

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#11

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Brains. Being a nerd is the new sexy.

trzvk22 , Kevin Lehtla Report

Serial pacifist
Community Member
5 months ago (edited)

Brains should be a point of attraction regardless if you are a man or a woman. I am a man, but I find it very condescending to conclude that smart women are "sexy", as if they are some rare, extravagant breed, while it is supposed to be some kind of a natural state of men, who are actually proven to be, throughout history, the supreme idiots of humanity.

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It's troublesome enough to feel doubtful about yourself, but often these thoughts seep into our relationships as well. When asked how big of an impact they have on our connection to others, Heller told us, "When we are not at peace with who we are, we cannot adequately engage with others. The inability to authentically express oneself with others leads to co-dependent maneuvering. One might succumb to fawning, people-pleasing, manipulating, and controlling to fulfill dependency needs."

#12

Things I/most men don't care about:

Stretch marks.

Uneven breasts

Breasts that hang/sag (That's actually sexy, in my opinion).

Veiny breasts

It's perfectly fine if you aren't shaved down below.

Your round belly is actually cute.

I love the way you look in the morning.

Imperfections make you unique, and aren't something to be self-conscious about.

In short, if you treat me/most guys with respect; give lots of affection; are dependable; trustworthy; kind; honest; and make us feel good about ourselves, whatever insecurities you have, we likely find endearing/cute/sexy.

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Mama Panda
Community Member
5 months ago

Hmm I wonder if he is single.... LOL

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#13

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Breast size. A good portion of us don't give a s**t about that.

TheBigPasta , Jernej Graj Report

Kesam
Community Member
5 months ago (edited)

They come in all shapes and sizes, and they're all beautiful! 😄

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#14

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Gray hairs, I love when you own it. Plus the silver streak kinda reminds me of Rogue from X-Men.

Probablyagoodidea , Aine Report

TheSeany
Community Member
5 months ago

Grey suits lots of people.

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To avoid bringing other people down, everyone should think twice before making unsolicited comments about a person’s looks, characteristics, or qualities. "When men (or women for that matter) highlight things in women which they view as 'problematic', it exacerbates shame," Heller explained and added that a common example of this is body image. Pointing out or shaming perceived physical flaws diminishes self-regard and self-worth.

#15

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Wrinkles. Every wrinkle is a scar of a thousand smiles.

chucklesbtoken2 , Conscious Design Report

Kesam
Community Member
5 months ago

Yes. Love my wife's (and my) wrinkles. 😊

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#16

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Burping or farting around us. I know too many girls that have said they think it is rude or going to turn us off of them. Personally, I would want you to let go of any gas because I know how uncomfortable that is and I couldn’t imagine if you were holding that in on top of period pain or other things. Please just pass your gas and don’t let it be something you think will turn us off.

FaithlessnessFirm646· , Sincerely Media Report

Kesam
Community Member
5 months ago

Yes! Better out than in! 👍

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#17

Being the one to make the first move. Especially in today's age, it can be very complex for a man to know if it's even ok to ask anymore...

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Tobias Reaper
Community Member
5 months ago

i love it when women make the first move

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When our confidence is low and fragile, we have a hard time believing in ourselves. This might lead to ditching our dreams or even cause serious health issues. "Often, this sort of wounding leads to self-destructive behavior such as eating disorders and sexual compliance," the psychotherapist noted.

Luckily, threads like this one remind us how important it is to raise awareness about self-worth issues women face every day. You see, shrinking others' faith in themselves is never the right way, and people should be encouraged to embrace their bodies and silence those inner critics that limit their lives.

#18

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Honestly, damn near everything. It’s sad seeing beautiful women treat themselves like s**t because their cheekbones aren’t right or their thighs are slightly red or whatever. Ladies: guys DO NOT CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST about these things. They will love you for who you are. And the guys that do make a big stink about physical 'abnormalities' aren’t worth chasing after in the first place.

icerope1199 , Waldemar Brandt Report

Edgar Rops
Community Member
5 months ago

Amen!

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#19

Not wanting to be a mom.

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DennyS (denzoren)
Community Member
5 months ago

This is absolutely normal and very easy to understand.

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#20

Small breasts, contrary to what most would have you girls think, there are plenty of guys out there that love, if not even prefer, smaller breasts over larger breasts.

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Naesil 🇫🇮
Community Member
5 months ago

3d-girl-1-...838ffe.png 3d-girl-1-my-boobs-are-too-small-girl-2-67880515-62553de838ffe.png

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#21

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter I grew up with older sisters. There were so many things they would be insecure about but I always assured them they shouldn't. Please dont be so stressed about your hair first of all. Your weight, please don't be so hard on yourself. Your clothes, please. The differences are small to notice to most men when you stress about those little things. Please, take it easy

Hicbjorn , Darya Ogurtsova Report

pigasus1
Community Member
5 months ago

Love yourself, love the world, and the world will love you.

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#22

Intelligence.

Some of the smartest women I know will too often concede the room to loud but dumber men.

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Beth S
Community Member
5 months ago

We know it isn't worth the extra breath....

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#23

Being afraid to make the first move. I can't tell you how fantastically guys would respond if women just dropped this "men have to make the first move" mentality. If they just walked over and said "hey you're cute and I like your personality, wanna go out sometime?" Men would go nuts. A lot of Women, not all, act like this is an insane idea, but tbh it's very refreshing and a really attractive quality. Fuck the bs of norms.

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Skara Brae
Community Member
5 months ago

Oh yeah.This! Ladies, if the guy you like inexplicably won't ask you out, it could be they like you, but are afraid it would ruin your friendship if you say no. Also, obvious hints aren't as obvious as you think, especially for guys who haven't had a girlfriend yet.

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#24

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter How much sex they’ve had. As long as it’s done responsibility and you’re loyal to your established SO, I couldn’t care less how many came before.

Largicharg , Womanizer Toys Report

Naesil 🇫🇮
Community Member
5 months ago (edited)

We have a saying in finnish that could roughly translate to "You can't dry/wear out a lake by rowing"

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#25

Makeup

Most girls I’ve know look better without it

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weewoo
Community Member
5 months ago

it makes me feel more confident because the last time i didnt wear ppl called me out and called me ugly. But i realised i looked ok without it, now i just prefer to wear it because i personally like it, not bc others do.

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#26

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Cellulite, stretch marks, anything that might be seen as a 'blemish.' My girlfriend has all of the above and I never noticed any of it until she said something about them.

CilliamBlinton· , Nenad Stojkovic Report

NsG
Community Member
5 months ago

Blame Photoshop and all the media that sets the standards and expectations for what women should look like. Throw in pron magazines and we're up against impossible images. I realise many, many men can tell the difference between the false images and reality, but a lot of the damage to our self worth happens in our teen and pre-teen years from boys who *haven't yet* worked out the difference and make us feel less worthy. (And pre-teen magazines aimed at girls)

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#27

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Their body hair. It's natural to have body hair.

ty_perry_much , Billie Report

Donkey boi
Community Member
5 months ago

My wife said it's weird that body hair on women doesn't bother me in the slightest, but on men I find it disgusting. I couldn't care if my wife grew her hair like Cousin It, but I'm shaving my armpits, I'm waxing my chest, I'm trimming my pubes!

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#28

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Acne on the face, back, or wherever. None of us really care. I had bad acne growing up and at some point, I learned that any respectful person will not judge you for it because you can’t really control it.

u/YeetThatLemon , Saluda Programa de Salud Report

Micah
Community Member
5 months ago

They really try to shame teenagers into getting any number of products to combat a normal effect that comes from hormonal or other biochemical changes.

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#29

30 Men Listed Common Female Insecurities That Don’t Actually Matter Your weight has nothing to do with self-worth.

afi931 , i yunmai Report

Ozacoter
Community Member
5 months ago

Again not true in this society. It should be true but it isnt. People judge women (and men) for rheir weight and attractiveness all the time. Specially doctors, they never take you seriously if you are not skinny.

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#30

I had a GF who was insecure about the shape of her breasts. To me they were fantastic.

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HolyHannibal
Community Member
5 months ago

Yeah society has taught us that National Geographic boobies are just not ok. Must be Playboy boobies or else! Pretty freaking shallow.

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