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“I Can’t Tell If You’re Flirting”: Men Share 20 Things That They Struggle To Get Through To Women
Remember how John Gray said that men and women are from distinct planets – it is still believed by our society that no matter how hard we try, women won't understand men and vice versa. The common idea is that women are much more communicative and tend to express their feelings, whereas men are seen as more introverted and even apathetic. The myth about women and men having different brains has been busted, so how could it be explained that we both have such behavioral differences?
One neuropsychiatrist suggested that the male brain reads emotions very quickly and then shuts it down behind the mask of masculinity. So, could it be that those differences come from the toxic societal norms? While our world is slowly trying to introduce a healthy atmosphere towards its people, an online user decided to find things out through men themselves and asked the community: "men of Reddit, what's the most difficult thing to explain to women?"
The question received 13.4K upvotes and 8.3K comments where men listed a bunch of random things that they personally had a hard time explaining to women. However, If there's anything on your mind that you would like to add, don't hesitate to comment down below.
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That, despite what movies/TV/literature hammer into your brains, fathers can be emotionally available, engaged, great parents.
I'm the sole parent of a son and two daughters and I've had to listen to "what does mom think of her getting this haircut?", and "tell mom to schedule an appointment" for years.
Mom's in a halfway house you f%*kwit, and I'm plenty capable of making decisions for my own children.
Well done good sir. I do know that there are many fantastic fathers our there, single or not. And as a single mother I also hate the assumptions about "mom stuff" and "dad stuff"... really, do not even get me started on that subject.
That many men only have meaningful physical contact with their SO.
Single men often exist in touch isolation. For a variety of reasons and social pressures, many men experience a lack of physical contact.
Most men I know won't even feel comfortable hugging their best friend. For a long time, the only physical contact I had with other people was either sexual or a part of a competitive sport. Getting closer to middle age I've learned to hug my friends and have platonic physical contact.
It really helped my mental health. I used to feel alone all the time even when I was with friends. Hug your male friends and help them normalize platonic physical affection.
I do not pick up on "signals." Please ask us out or tell me, to my face, like a 5 year old, what you want or are thinking. I am kind of dumb.
That probably won't be enough. Since the probabily of this happening is so rare, a man might think that this is a trick or prank. Kinda like finding a gold chest in the moddle of the road. Too good to be true
When I'm asked what I'm thinking about and I say nothing, it's because I'm usually thinking of something dumb like who would win a fight. Godzilla or Megatron?
I really enjoy asking my SO what he's thinking about right now. He's always thinking about something, he always replies when I ask and the subjects are so random!
He's brave and you are a gem.... When I started out with my SO, I decided that answering 'nothing' was unfair, so I began transferring the idle thoughts into words and sharing them. And usually, the reply I got was: "why aren't you thinking about me?" It's a red flag I was too stupid to see.
Load More Replies...I'm female and I think about "dumb" stuff like this all the time. I thought everyone did. Thoughts aren't always deep; sometimes they're just silly, especially when you have ADHD.
I'm jealous cause I'm usually thinking of things that i have to do and delay them! Would love to think of random silly things
Load More Replies...I wouldn't consider that dumb. Whenever I get thoughts like that I immediately share them with my fiancé because the resulting conversations are highly entertaining.
This is also me. My gf stopped asking me what I was thinking about when I zoned out because it was always something like "What if people were otters?"
You're in your "nothing box". Mark Gungor, Tale of 2 brains YouTube.
Load More Replies...I have learned to just let those thoughts out to my SO. It makes life so much fun.
I mean size alone decides that battle. Megatron's about 8'6'', Godzilla's canonically 393' tall. That's more or less the equivalent of a 6' tall man taking on a 1 1/2'' tall mouse. The mouse is never gonna win that fight straight up.
My wife stopped asking after I started honestly telling her.
I often have music running in my head, like, the same song, stuck for hours and hours, sometimes several days in a row. Oftentimes I suddenly catch myself singing along and do not know when I even started. Can be a bit embarrassing... Also, it is not necessarily a song I like.
Can you rechanel it by playing something on a radio/record player/CD/Spotify/Pandora/iTunes?
Load More Replies...Me looking in the distance, deep in thought: Do they have bathrooms in Atlantis?
Do Atlantins need bathrooms? What do they eat?
Load More Replies...Omg is this supposed to be a man thing? I do this 🤣 I have a very special selected few friends who would actually get an honest answer
But how? I never have nothing going in my head.
Load More Replies...That question always irritates me no matter who is asking! Seriously people, do NOT ask anyone that. Thoughts are private and will be shared if the person wants to. Asking is just plain rude.
I can think about the dumbest stuff it's embarrassing. Seinfeld once said when asked what he's thinking about and he said nothing, it was because he was thinking about absolutely nothing. I have a pile of books going at all times. The more useless the information, the more likely I am to remember it and share. Weird quotes are a big favorite too. People say some weird things. Like "Strangers always have the very best candy" or "confused as a baby in a topless bar". Remember, it is possible to put the fun back in dysfunctional.
Okay, but when I ask my husband that, I actually want to hear it!! First thing we did after seeing NO Way Home was to turn to each other and theorycraft about how deep the memory spell went (i.e., does Tony know, would Peter still have control over EDITH, etc.). We say exactly what the other is thinking several times a day every day.
Godzilla. Megatron has a fatal flaw, he turns into a gun, but cannot fire himself. That's what Starscream is for. Without Starscream, Megatron is nothing.
I once thought my phone was garbling up text messages after a software update and sent to a group text that whenever I'm looking off into space, I'm likely imagining the movement of complex hinges, and I was being completely serious. Nobody has ever commented on it, perhaps because the message wasn't sent or because I'd jokingly said it was a "hinge fetish."
I now need to work the words “hinge fetish” into a conversation!
Load More Replies...My husband's ex once asked him what he was thinking about and he said, "Running a paver in Saudi Arabia." They weren't long for it.
A lot of times I'm really not thinking of anything that I can put into words. So I just say my "screensaver" is on.
Well dude! obviously the answer is MechaGodzilla! What’s wrong witchyu?
Try telling the person anyway. If they aren't interested in who would win oh well. But you might be surprised, maybe your partner has an opinion. (Megatron, btw)
The dumbest thing you can do/tell is saying I think about nothing. Every human (who isn't diagnosed brain-dead) is thinking about things. Why dont you share with your SO? I dont get it how people can be happily in a relationship were the man obviously is not thinking about anything and the woman is happy to babble about how her nails were done to fill in the silence.
When I ask this question I want to know whick monster you think would win. I like the random thoughts. If they are dark, I can listen to that too.
Who says I'm even thinking at all? My inner monologue might be engaged in a life or death struggle with some silly tune that has invaded my head.
It can be so challenging to get a different channel when that happens.
Load More Replies...In our marriage we say "Homebanking" as an answer to that Question (in Germany there was a Song this Name Long ago about this "Problem") - so the SO knows that we were just hopping around irrelevant and maybe dumb thoughts about Mermaids taken the Aliens or something like that. :)
Mine would answer “ I don’t know. “ or “ nothing”. . He is smart so I doubt it.
Literally nothing. Like an off channel TV. Just white noise. Im not certain Women can do this?
Well actually just refer to #4... same thing; so once again what's the point.
Just above, I was encouraging women to treat men more directly. Corollary here: men are more direct. You don't have to wonder what they're thinking when they tell you nothing. If it were something, they'd tell you. i
When I say nothing, it's because I'm not thinking about anything, just absorbing and being aware of what's going on around me.
Megaton would win because he's way cooler and shoots missiles out of his back. Godzilla can't fly into space.
I'd love to talk to you about that, I have very strong opinions on the most random matters and I'd love to share them lol.
Stopped bothering to ask this question when the only responses were "video games", "guns" or "how horny" they are.
But I want to know that! I have opinions! (Godzilla would trash Megatron)
I'm sure the right match would be happy to hear about it, at least a little
That I really want to dress up in full plate armor and own a warhorse.
When you ask me how my day was or what I did today, nothing in my day usually stands out as special, so I just dont remember. I usually dont remember what I do, I just live.
When I tell you I don’t need anything for Christmas it really means you should get me the 7541 piece Lego Millennium Falcon set.
This kind of goes against the "I don't pick up on signals" bit. Just say what kind of thing you want. You don't need to get specific but just say "I'd like something like _____".
That I feel like a creep just by simply existing. I'm always so worried I'm making someone uncomfortable just because I'm a sorta tall, kinda big guy just quietly existing.
I know it's because I've heard from so many people that "guys are such creeps" during middle/high school with no further explanation.
Aw, this is sad. Personally, big quiet guys don't freak me out or make me uncomfortable, they're usually the ones I like. And I swear I really don't assume that "all guys are creeps", I really do give all people a fair chance. I know that the creepy guys make life difficult for the genuinely good guys, especially if you're the shy and quiet type, and it's really really sad.
I can’t tell if you’re flirting with me or not.
Whenever a girl talks to you nicely: "Is this LOVE?"
That the more guys you have hanging out together, the dumber s!#t they get into increases exponentially.
You get two guys, and they might throw a water balloon against a glass window, breaking it over the others face. Get four together, and they fire an airsoft gun into an empty room and break the lightbulb.
God help you if you get more than that... And yes, those do seem to be very specific examples.
True. In my engg. dorm, guys used to wear those containers used to store design sheets over their arms and legs and fight with each other believing they were transformers. Crazy days.
That they need to stop being so f%@king mean to themselves.
That dudes can have a 2 hour conversation with each other (phone, down at the pub, playing online games) and not talk about any personal things.
My SO finds it super bizarre that I can talk to my brother for an hour and not know how his family is going, how his work is, what holiday plans are. Sometimes some bros just want to talk about movies or make fart jokes.
That when you can’t decide between two outfits and you ask us we literally would be ok with you wearing a garbage bag if it means the process could be sped up and we don’t leave the house by midnight.
I still love you even though I can’t give you 100 reasons why I love you.
We don't need a hundred reasons. Usually the answer we're after is something along the lines of "because you're you, and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else". (Don't you dare say that insincerely, though!)
My missus met my oldest friend at a wedding early last year. Haven't seen him since, or for about ten years before, despite living about three miles away from each other.
Just before the wedding, she asked me how come we never met up, I said "he's alive, isn't he?". Couple of days later at the actual wedding, she asked him the same things, and he also said "he's alive, isn't he?".
She never understood that. Never managed to explain that to her.
Why we can't coo qt babies like they do. I love babies they're the best. But if I do that in public people would give me weird looks.
Idk if most difficult but it sure did took a while to explain to my ex that we don’t look at each other’s d!$ks at the urinals.
How two or more men can bond just by standing in a room in silence.
That's not difficult. Have you ever seen that glance between two women when they hear a really crappy pick-up line? They are bonding as well.
Its so terrible that our society keeps telling men that they cant express any emotion besides anger. Hugs to all of you.
From what I've gathered in my 37 years as a white male is that I'm evil for everything that happened in the past. I'm an asshole for not showing my feelings but when I talk I should just shut up. I'm not allowed around kids of any age or it's creepy. I'm not allowed around women or it's creepy. If I can't bench press a bus I'm not man enough but being too much of a jock is toxic. This is why I just stay home and I don't have any friends. I never learned how to socialize for fear of doing something wrong. The fact that I'm married with kids is still mind boggling to me.
Load More Replies...Nice thread. Many of them seem to be universally applicable.
Let's top assuming anyone can read minds, and just use words. Radical, I know, but it's worked for us. :-)
Just be yourself and do your own thing. "THOSE THAT MIND DON'T MATTER AND THOSE THAT MATTER DON'T MIND "- Dr. Seuss
You may be in my field of vision, but I'm off in my own world, not staring at you. My eyes are open so I don't fall asleep.
supported. Just be kind to everyone please. Ask rather than assume. And don't pressurise people for answers and a psychotherapysession. sometimes just sitting next to someone or holding their hand says more than $1000 of therapy.
sometimes asking how they are doing and leaving it at that is enough
Load More Replies...Most of these were just stereotypes about men being somehow emotionally unavailable and/or incompetent. Also, as a woman, I never “got” signals when I was young either. I had a serious boyfriend once who did the signals thing, and I asked him, “can you just tell me directly?” He ultimately said well…no. At the time, I thought it was horribly mean that he wouldn’t accommodate me. But you know what? I worked to “get” signals, as in I learned to be more observant and to actually try, rather than pretend that since I was of course correct in my direct approach, I couldn’t possibly be asked to accommodate him. I became a better listener and a more empathetic person. It generally made me better at communication. Sometimes it’s not about inability, but a lack of will , and I’m glad I was called out on that early in life. Sometimes I think men have this man-child incompetence robot thing because no one ever calls them out on it and they don’t believe they need to try.
I wish everyone could just be who they wanted to be without there being invisible socially understood intangible concepts were supposed to follow for no good reason.
I refuse to keep this "men cant show emotions" going. I hug people, I show affection, I cuddle with my friends, I give kisses to those who like it. If somebody has a problem with that, they can go f**k themself.
Bored Panda doesn't usually have many posts where men get to talk about being men (at least not compared to the number of posts about women talking about being women). So this is nice to see.
Its so terrible that our society keeps telling men that they cant express any emotion besides anger. Hugs to all of you.
From what I've gathered in my 37 years as a white male is that I'm evil for everything that happened in the past. I'm an asshole for not showing my feelings but when I talk I should just shut up. I'm not allowed around kids of any age or it's creepy. I'm not allowed around women or it's creepy. If I can't bench press a bus I'm not man enough but being too much of a jock is toxic. This is why I just stay home and I don't have any friends. I never learned how to socialize for fear of doing something wrong. The fact that I'm married with kids is still mind boggling to me.
Load More Replies...Nice thread. Many of them seem to be universally applicable.
Let's top assuming anyone can read minds, and just use words. Radical, I know, but it's worked for us. :-)
Just be yourself and do your own thing. "THOSE THAT MIND DON'T MATTER AND THOSE THAT MATTER DON'T MIND "- Dr. Seuss
You may be in my field of vision, but I'm off in my own world, not staring at you. My eyes are open so I don't fall asleep.
supported. Just be kind to everyone please. Ask rather than assume. And don't pressurise people for answers and a psychotherapysession. sometimes just sitting next to someone or holding their hand says more than $1000 of therapy.
sometimes asking how they are doing and leaving it at that is enough
Load More Replies...Most of these were just stereotypes about men being somehow emotionally unavailable and/or incompetent. Also, as a woman, I never “got” signals when I was young either. I had a serious boyfriend once who did the signals thing, and I asked him, “can you just tell me directly?” He ultimately said well…no. At the time, I thought it was horribly mean that he wouldn’t accommodate me. But you know what? I worked to “get” signals, as in I learned to be more observant and to actually try, rather than pretend that since I was of course correct in my direct approach, I couldn’t possibly be asked to accommodate him. I became a better listener and a more empathetic person. It generally made me better at communication. Sometimes it’s not about inability, but a lack of will , and I’m glad I was called out on that early in life. Sometimes I think men have this man-child incompetence robot thing because no one ever calls them out on it and they don’t believe they need to try.
I wish everyone could just be who they wanted to be without there being invisible socially understood intangible concepts were supposed to follow for no good reason.
I refuse to keep this "men cant show emotions" going. I hug people, I show affection, I cuddle with my friends, I give kisses to those who like it. If somebody has a problem with that, they can go f**k themself.
Bored Panda doesn't usually have many posts where men get to talk about being men (at least not compared to the number of posts about women talking about being women). So this is nice to see.