When it comes to unwritten rules, there are plenty of grey areas between what behaviors people consider OK and not. Social norms differ between cultures; a certain act may receive sanctions or punishments within one group but be seen as normal within another. Plus, as society's understanding of norms changes over time, so too does its members' perception of deviance.
In an attempt to learn if this transformation can stall, Redditor u/sadboi017 asked other users: "What is considered socially unacceptable for no reason?" 34.9K upvotes and 21.3K comments later, I think it's safe to say that it can. Continue scrolling and check out some of the most popular answers.
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Turning down an invitation to go out simply because you’d rather stay home with your pets, save money, and preserve your mental health in glorious solitude.
Using swings/playground equipment as an adult. I friggin love going on the swings, I’m 30 and it still fascinates me that I can quickly and easily get 10-15 feet (or higher) in the air with some simple leg movement.
One day I was at a fairly deserted local park on the swings having the time of my life. Suddenly Karen shows up with her two ankle biters, hands on her hips and yells at me “WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THERE?! THE SWINGS ARE FOR THE KIDS, NOT ADULTS!”
My tax dollars paid for these swings, and there’s no sign saying that I can’t, so I’ll use them as much as I damn well please whenever I want. How much tax did little Johanathan and little Kymburleigh Pay last year? None? Guess they can’t use the swings either.
I too love the swings and will happily go on them when the playground isn't busy.
Not answering your own door. When there's like a salesman at someone's door, they won't want to answer but they will act like no one is home, and be really quiet so the person outside the door doesn't hear them. But it's your house. I could just stare at a salesman out the window as he rings my bell, who cares. It's my house. I don't have to answer my own door, for whatever reason I deem acceptable. You came to my house, not the other way around.
Have CCTV installed specifically so I could see who was at the door and avoid answering it if I didn't want to - get a lot of deliveries as I have my own business and need supplies. People with clipboards (one last week which surprised me as it was the first since covid) get ignored.
Leaving without giving an "acceptable" song and dance about why you are leaving, with leaving because you have basically reached your limit with socializing being "not a good enough reason"
People who can stand to be around other people for huge amounts of time, more power to you, but me? I can't do that, and I don't want to have to make up an excuse to do so.
Being open/honest about not having kids. In my personal life I have gotten more ridicule and very pointed questions bordering on disrespectful over being childfree than about any of my other opinions.
Once I said I wasn't having kids my family became obsessed with whether or not I was dating, and who, and oh, what if HE wants kids? What if I meet the "perfect" guy, but he wants kids? Well, then I guess he's not the perfect guy for me. Simple as that. I don't want kids, and no, I don't have to give you a detailed bullet list about why I'm not having kids because what I decide to do with my uterus is none of your business.
The only reason one should ideally need is "because I don't want any". That's my main reason, but for some reason, a lot of people just really want a lot of unwanted and unloved children in the world I guess...
And doesn't a lot of people say things like "oh, don't worry, you'll change your mind", like I'm being super silly saying things like that, like wtf? I usually answer "oh, I'm not worried at all, because i won't change my mind 🙂"
Load More Replies...Frankly the question alone should not be socially acceptable. Why is it ok to ask someone why they don't have kids if it's not ok to ask someone why they decided to have kids. Think about it
You're completely right. I've always thought it was rude and too personal to question.
Load More Replies...I'm child-free by choice. Then I met an amazing man, got married, and now I have a stepson. Kid is amazing and I love him unconditionally, but those maternal instincts still never quite kicked in. And that's okay.
I am 33f and have had this sooo much. 'you'll change your mind'....'when you meet the right man'... 'oh how selfish'... 'Don't be ridiculous, of course you will have kids'... And so on..... Women are the worst for it. I wouldn't ask someone why they HAD kids, so how dare anyone question why I haven't got any. Some are unable to have them; it must hurt to be asked that question if you desperately want a child but cannot have one. I have never ever wanted kids and wish people would quit asking/hinting. So ignorant and rude.
I really don't understand the selfish thing. How is it selfish not to have kids? Because everyone else WANTS you to have them? It's not their life, so they're the ones being selfish. Doubly so if they're those types of paychos who keep themselves, and their existing kids impoverished, by continuously pumping them out. I have known several of these people and their older kids get kicked out at 18, because they no longer are a dependent, and end up couch serfing or out in the streets. Not like they were able to get jobs to save any money to have a safety net, since they've been charged with caring for babies and weren't allowed to work. Vomitous.
Load More Replies...When you say you don't want kids, or that you never wanted them, people turn into judgmental assholes and frankly I want to smack them and send their to their room.
I have two kids that i love to bits but i fully understand why someone would decide not to have kids.
Once you get married, you'll be asked non-stop by everyone. I started telling them I wasn't able to have children just to shut them up - they felt bad afterwards - certainly something to consider before you ask.
I can't have kids and have had 10 miscarriages. People would say 'you can try again' and keep asking when we are planning another one. So now instead of avoiding the questions i look them straight in the eye and say 'i don't want them i want to be happy'. This pisses people off who already have kids
People don't seem to understand the toll of a miscarriage either, sometimes not even other women. I've only had one and it was devastating. My empathy goes out to you, K.
Load More Replies...If anyone tries to bingo you, just say, "I never wanted to be the recipient of that much ingratitude" with a straight face like you're saying the most normal thing in the world. People won't know if you're serious or not and give you that awkward half chuckle while you just stare blankly at them. They changed the topic quickly after that. Every. Time.
Yes! And can we get a little representation that doesn't further the stereotype that you're either a mom or a type-A business woman?
The populatioh crisis is not a thing, apparently. No, it hasn't gone away...
this needs to be at the top. no one else gets to decide whether or not you want to have kids. i would kill for back up with this each time my family gets talking about it
I made this decision when I was 10 years old and stood fast to it for my life thus far.
good for you :) You don't need crotch goblins. no one does. overpopulation is reason enough
All my life I heard, "You'll change your mind." In my teens, in my early 20s, as I passed 25 it turned to "The clock's ticking, you know." In my 30s, "Well, you're still under 35, so it's not dangerous. You still have time." Late 30s, "Health care has advanced so much, you can totally have healthy babies, even this late." I was 47, 47!!!!!!, when I was told I could still change my mind 'cos there was "You know, that 68 year old lady in India? She had a baby." FFS - I'm fully menopausal and now I get the "Aw, you must miss not having had kids." No I do not. I'm 53 and never at any moment have I wanted to be a mother - not by birth, not by fostering, not by adoption - not for a nanosecond. Go ahead - tell me I'll change my mind after 40 years of thinking the same thing.
I don't have kids and people tend to assume that I am rich because of it. At girls night out someone said "You should pay for dinner because you don't have kids..." and other ridiculous phrases. I tell people all the time to stop counting my money and making assumptions. 😤
I am child free and quite happy to be that way. You made your choice and I made mine so there it is. No one ever asks parents why they decided to have kids so why should it be any different the other way round? I suspect the answers might be pretty interesting though 🙂
I think and talk about it a lot with my friends. Why DO people want kids? Finally, in my experience, a lot of people don't know. WHAT they know is that "this is what people/women/couples do. Um, yea. Okay then. I kinda feel sorry for all the people who are just able to think from one ear to the other.
Load More Replies...It's because misery loves company. They regret having kids, the expense, the loss of free time, the added responsibilities and they want you to suffer their fate. They are jealous of your freedom in life.
I am 35F and I CAN'T have kids, apparently that isn't socially acceptable either and I should drop tens of thousands on infertility treatments for a 1 in 100 chance. No thanks.
Honestly what kind of assholes do you hang out with? I'm childless and no one asks why. And they can kiss my a**e if they want to know!! Nunya dang business!!!
It's usually not people you hang our with, but random people or people who, because they're family or related, feel entitled to judge you for it
Load More Replies...Having children with the human population where it is constitutes a crime in my book, and I'm not about to start being bashful about it.
I'm a mother and I'm very happy, but I fully understand that someone don't want any kids. Childless life has many benefits, too. I once didn't thought about it and casually asked if someone had kids- regretted it a second later. Learned my lesson and never asked the question again.
And me telling you to mind your own business and f off
Load More Replies...I will not be pressuring my own kids to have kids - I had no idea how hard it was going to be before I had them. I love them, but just the way my character is and how my brain is wired, it's hard. If I'd known myself then as I know myself now, I wouldn't have started.
They don't seem to understand that the very best answer to the question is because I don't want to. Because what a child needs and deserves most, is to be wanted
We're lucky, most of my entourage support that choice and we can talk openly about it. But, we always have the odd one who will judge or think we will change our minds via adoption. F**k no! My gf and I want to enjoy our time together without kids: eating at fancy restaurant, traveling, going to activities without the restriction of a kid (like a theme park or cinema)... do whatever we want whenever we want.
Wish I could still upvote this…. So true. The decision to have children or not is not something others should judge. It’s a personal choice.
My parents are very respectful with me. Don't like the times when people that I don't mess/need told me I would regret when I would be alone. Talk forever to my hand dude
Don't engage others, about your personal life. They don't have the right to take up space in your mind, or to use your time for their criticism.
I'm with you sister! They're just jealous cos they didn't think of it.
I usually respond by asking them to provide a similarly detailed defense of their decision to have kids - just as rude
I personnally think that we should mind our own business. Yes, this applies to anti-kids too. If people don't want to have kids, that's absolutely fine! If people want to have kids, that's absolutely fine too! Ever since I became a father, I noticed a weird trend of people blaming me for having a kid. For environmental reasons for example. Or saying that I'm yielding to social pressure. Not even mentioning those saying to my face that they hate kids and they won't ever have any. Like I should feel bad about having my daughter. Or simply that my daughter should not be alive... Anyway, I think both factions should chill out. Want to have kids? By all means, do it. Don't want to have kids? Excellent and enjoy your life of freedom! ;)
No issues from my family, I was eight years old when I told my mother I would not be having children as there were already enough people in the world and I never changed my mind. My parents respected my decision and I married someone who shared my views. When others overstep the mark and ask me, I tell them that I have many unborn children and I am taking care of them the best way I can. They tend not to pursue the matter again 🤪
I had my tubes tied so I wouldn't have any "surprises". I don't like kids particularly, and definitely don't want any. I'd be a lousy mother.
Normalize asking people WHY they are having children in this sick, overpopulated and resource scarce world
I'll never understand why people want to force children on those who specifically say they don't like/want children. Like, do you really think that would be good for either of them??
YES!! I'm 55 and don't have kids, a spouse or a significant other. I'm a very happy single person with money. 'Nuff said.
I know it's not to the same scale but I get the same reaction when I say don't want a dog. I am very aware of the cost, time and energy that goes into taking care of it and I'd rather not, thank you for your input.
I don't want kids either but don't mind explaining why. Just find it weird that people think it's a 'brave' decision. It wasn't that hard.
Even after I was sterilized, by my own choice, because I don't want kids, my father keeps asking why I don't adopt..
How about "Due to my health and my financial situation, children aren't a possibility for me."
Because you shouldn't have to justify it. People should just take the 'no I'm not having kids' and leave it.
Load More Replies...Well, sometimes people have kids but the kids get estranged from the family and aren't around anyways. Lots of ways this can happen, many are no fault of the parents. Or worse, the kids also take advantage of the parents financially and emotionally, leaving them broke in their old age. But yeah, without kids you do have to plan ahead more for old age. Maybe forge relationships with other young relatives, make sure you save extra money for care, etc.
Load More Replies...I'm a grown man and I love flowers. Not even 'masculine' flowers, I have an orchid collection.
There is a sort of Orchid called Holy ghost or something like that. When bud is closed, looks like praying monks. When blooming it's resembles a dove of peace. Absolutely STUNNING!!!
waking up at 11am or later
i'm not lazy. my responsibilities are taken care of. i stay up late and value my sleep hours.
In some places, calling in sick, because it's "letting down the team" or whatever. Screw off, I'm sick as a dog. There's little I will accomplish other than feeling like death warmed up, so you aren't missing out on much. Plus I could spread whatever I've got to coworkers, then we're all sick
One of my former bosses fired someone on the spot for coming to work with a bad case of the flu after having told her that she needed to stay home. There was no reason for her to come to work, she would have gotten paid for as long as she was sick.
Wearing a surgical mask when you are sick to prevent giving the illness to others.
Men crying. It’s seen as a weakness typically rather than compassion.
Being single.
Some people are okay not being in a relationship for some time and are perfectly happy, but other people just don't understand that.
What I don't get is why couples choose not to hang out with their single friends anymore. They only do stuff with their couple friends and it's so frustrating
Not drinking alcohol around others who are drinking. People don’t like it
Thats actually a terrible social pressure. Especially for former alkoholics.
Being honest when asked “how are you”
Come to the Netherlands and ask someone that question. You'll get a thorough schooling on their mental, physical and financial situation. Which most of the times is summed up in the one word "kut" or the even more profound comment "tering kut".
Eating lunch alone in your car at work. It's quiet, comfortable, and I don't have to make small talk when I'm trying to have some 'me' time out of the office.
Napping at work during my lunch break. I don't really need food in the afternoon, what I really need is a nap!
Skipping as an adult. It's unfortunate because it is faster than walking and much more fun than running.
Stop thinking about what others may think. I'm a 44 years old, long hair undercut, full beard, tattoooed guy in heavy boots and I love puddle hopping, so i do.
40+ male at a playground
Yes I have no partner, yes that's my 6 year old kid having a blast
No I'm not a pedo but thank you for your questions and passive glares
Women not shaving.
Someone made a comment on here about some famous woman not shaving her armpits. I responded with 'So?' and asked why they considered it their business. No reply.
Wearing the same clothes 2 days in a row
Yes to this. We as a society have gone *way* over the top about things like this and it's doing the planet a huge disservice.
Cursing.
Seriously, how and why the f*ck did society decide that certain sounds will corrupt children?
Swearing also has degrees. The US really dislikes the c-word that Australians use with abandon! Swearing also has power - that's the point of it. If your three year old peppers conversation with f-bombs it loses its emphatic effect. Which is why we end up having to create new curse words, because the old ones aren't strong enough any more.
Apparently self defense isn’t allowed in schools. I guess I just have to accept the beating.
Having fun as an adult. Fun has no expiration date, you don't suddenly no longer qualify for fun and have to live a life of watching the news and drinking coffee. People shame adults for doing fun things and that's absolute nonsense
Not wanting to make small talk. Sometimes being alone in a public place is my only alone time.
I have to put on the show at work and talk to people ALL DAY LONG and if I just want to sit in a bar or cafe or on a bench by myself and stare at my phone I shouldn't be forced to exchange small talk with someone just because they happen to be in the vicinity of me.
Like currently, I'm having a really bad day and just want to go sit and have a drink and stare at cats or something because being in my house is making it worse, but I can't, because I'll be forced to chit chat with someone near me.
Weird idea: Say "I had a very stressful day and need some quite time alone now, please." It is surprising how often that works.
Showing distaste for ones family in any way, shape, or form
Not hiding your tampon when you go to the restroom
I don't. I'm a woman, I bleed. Thinking that something is socially unacceptable is not a one way road. I think it's socially unacceptable to find this socially unacceptable.
Going to the movies alone.
Pre-pandemic I would go to the movies alone all the time. It's nice. Nobody jabbering away at you so much you can't hear the movie.
Being the first person to get up from your chair when snacks are brought into a meeting room. There's always that one hero that does it though so others can get in line.
Walking your cat.
That's not socially unacceptable. I have the highest respect for people who walk their cats instead of kicking them out the door when they leave for work so the cat has to roam the neighborhood and pee and poop in other peoples gardens.
Refusing generosity. It's perfect alright to politely decline, even though others would vilify you for being ungrateful and cold.
Sometimes one should allow others to experience the act of giving. It makes me uncomfortable to be a recipient, but people need that sometimes.
My dad gets SUPER offended when I put my elbows on the table. I still dont know why.
I don't know, I guess I was raised with this as table etiquette? I suppose it's one of those things which has just come through history. Any pandas here know?
There are a ton of rules around clothing that are completely arbitrary nonsense. And I don’t even just mean workplace dress codes and gendered clothing that are obvious bullsh*t. Even in casual situations, jeans and a flannel shirt are normal, but if you wore plaid flannel pajama pants and a denim shirt, you would look psychotic.
Clothing rules are used as a proxy to see at a glance how good you are at conforming to the rules of society.
Ladies can call their friends her "girlfriends," but a man, absolutely not, cannot call his friends his "boyfriends." That's not fair.
hats indoors. No one has given me a valid reason why I need to tell students to take their hats off.
Running everywhere instead of walking.
But you are more likely to collide with someone if running rather than walking, so I wouldn't say that there's no reason for this to be socially unacceptable. It's also very impractical since most of us don't want to run everywhere and thus it'll be hard for those who do want to run to get around us safely.
Note: this post originally had 52 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.
A lot of these are not something that society disapproves of. Stems mainly from our own limitations and perceptions.
Yes. Many of these seem to confuse social norms with social embarrassment due to low self-esteem. I would not have trouble doing most of these, assuming it would not bother others too much.
Load More Replies...Birthdays - or rather the lack of interest in one. I never understood this silly notion of this personal holiday. I don't do anything special on it and it always bothers people : "What? You're not doing anything special?" "Come on you have to do something" "why don't you come with us, we'll throw you a party" No thanks. I'm not embarrassed to ask, I'm not shy I just don't like this stupid thing and would rather just stay at home. Why is that a thing?
"The best birthday present you can give me is some peace and quiet. Don't even worry about wrapping it. Just go away."
Load More Replies...Why are these things not acceptable? I love playing in parks, and sending my man flowers and time to myself. And why cant a man cry? They too have feelings and need to sometimes Express them. I think if you're comfortable with something, then do it. Who cares what others think.
Totally. I think this comes with age anyway as people re-evaluate their lives and everntually realise they can do what they want if it's not harming anyone. Shame it often takes that to change how we act.
Load More Replies...Being a cat lover seems to trigger a lot of people. I'm introverted, goofy, adore my cat, and am a woman. If that makes me a "crazy cat lady", I accept.
I only wish I had multiple cats. I can do fine without a 'boyfriend'. It's cats I would love to have more of.
Load More Replies...When my phone rings, I usually don't answer it. Mostly I don't even have it on. I just get my messages later. Some people get upset that I'm not totally accessible to them all the time, but it's my life and I don't want to be a slave to my phone.
This is really cool and all, but I'm a pushover and whenever someone tells me not to do something I dont do it. Even if I'm passionate about it. I've been told writing books is stupid and now I keep procrastinating my books because I'm a pig pushover and writing books is a stupid little kid thing to do
A lot of these are applicable in different countries, and let's not exclude the size of the community you live in. Sure, if you live in a large city, the "norm" is very diluted and people tend to just not care what you do. But in smaller communities, everything stands out. You get old people shake their heads going ts-ts when you wear looser clothes. You get mocked that you are a virgin when you are 15 by your peers. I had a case (as a kid, maybe 9-10 years old), i was playing with my mom and sister in our room, ehen my grandma rushed in, and told us to "Stop laughing, or your grandfather will come!". Apparently laughter and noise in general were frowned upon in their generation's view. So, you do you. If someone doesn't like it, well...they can look the other way.
Here's an idea! Let's all just do what brings us joy and makes us comfortable. If that means setting boundaries with others, do that, albeit kindly. Once others start to see that these things *are* perfectly acceptable, they'll be relieved and start doing them too.
Being a girl walking alone at night. People think I'm crazy for doing it. I am careful, I live in a good area, what's the problem?
#41 Asking me a question when I have food in my mouth, then getting annoyed that I won't immediately answer you.
Being barefoot. Even in the cold I prefer to be barefoot - outside in the grass, whatever. I am constantly called a hillbilly. No, I just prefer to be barefoot, thanks.
I do not want to hold your baby because I will likely drop it by accident. Babies mildly scare me
I love this post because apparently I do many unacceptable things, which in turn makes me feel even more unique. Kudos! 💜
This was another topic where several times I thought of a comment or example while I was reading, then found my exact same thought in the comments. Sort of makes you feel a)unnecessary, and/or b)in touch with the world!
A lot of these are not something that society disapproves of. Stems mainly from our own limitations and perceptions.
Yes. Many of these seem to confuse social norms with social embarrassment due to low self-esteem. I would not have trouble doing most of these, assuming it would not bother others too much.
Load More Replies...Birthdays - or rather the lack of interest in one. I never understood this silly notion of this personal holiday. I don't do anything special on it and it always bothers people : "What? You're not doing anything special?" "Come on you have to do something" "why don't you come with us, we'll throw you a party" No thanks. I'm not embarrassed to ask, I'm not shy I just don't like this stupid thing and would rather just stay at home. Why is that a thing?
"The best birthday present you can give me is some peace and quiet. Don't even worry about wrapping it. Just go away."
Load More Replies...Why are these things not acceptable? I love playing in parks, and sending my man flowers and time to myself. And why cant a man cry? They too have feelings and need to sometimes Express them. I think if you're comfortable with something, then do it. Who cares what others think.
Totally. I think this comes with age anyway as people re-evaluate their lives and everntually realise they can do what they want if it's not harming anyone. Shame it often takes that to change how we act.
Load More Replies...Being a cat lover seems to trigger a lot of people. I'm introverted, goofy, adore my cat, and am a woman. If that makes me a "crazy cat lady", I accept.
I only wish I had multiple cats. I can do fine without a 'boyfriend'. It's cats I would love to have more of.
Load More Replies...When my phone rings, I usually don't answer it. Mostly I don't even have it on. I just get my messages later. Some people get upset that I'm not totally accessible to them all the time, but it's my life and I don't want to be a slave to my phone.
This is really cool and all, but I'm a pushover and whenever someone tells me not to do something I dont do it. Even if I'm passionate about it. I've been told writing books is stupid and now I keep procrastinating my books because I'm a pig pushover and writing books is a stupid little kid thing to do
A lot of these are applicable in different countries, and let's not exclude the size of the community you live in. Sure, if you live in a large city, the "norm" is very diluted and people tend to just not care what you do. But in smaller communities, everything stands out. You get old people shake their heads going ts-ts when you wear looser clothes. You get mocked that you are a virgin when you are 15 by your peers. I had a case (as a kid, maybe 9-10 years old), i was playing with my mom and sister in our room, ehen my grandma rushed in, and told us to "Stop laughing, or your grandfather will come!". Apparently laughter and noise in general were frowned upon in their generation's view. So, you do you. If someone doesn't like it, well...they can look the other way.
Here's an idea! Let's all just do what brings us joy and makes us comfortable. If that means setting boundaries with others, do that, albeit kindly. Once others start to see that these things *are* perfectly acceptable, they'll be relieved and start doing them too.
Being a girl walking alone at night. People think I'm crazy for doing it. I am careful, I live in a good area, what's the problem?
#41 Asking me a question when I have food in my mouth, then getting annoyed that I won't immediately answer you.
Being barefoot. Even in the cold I prefer to be barefoot - outside in the grass, whatever. I am constantly called a hillbilly. No, I just prefer to be barefoot, thanks.
I do not want to hold your baby because I will likely drop it by accident. Babies mildly scare me
I love this post because apparently I do many unacceptable things, which in turn makes me feel even more unique. Kudos! 💜
This was another topic where several times I thought of a comment or example while I was reading, then found my exact same thought in the comments. Sort of makes you feel a)unnecessary, and/or b)in touch with the world!