Someone Asked, ‘What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?’, 40 People Delivered
Interview With Author
Everyone keeps secrets. Big or small, innocent or dark, secrets are a part of who we are as human beings. And even though we might strive to be as transparent as we can, there will always be something that’s left unvoiced and unshared. Even with the people closest to us, our romantic partners. And privacy can, suddenly, morph into secrecy.
The people of Reddit, protected by the anonymity their usernames give them, opened up about the things their partners don’t know. From things that are surprisingly wholesome to secrets that are best left in the dark so they don’t ruin someone’s day. Scroll down and check out these redditors’ honest answers.
Remember to upvote the posts that you enjoyed reading the most, dear Pandas. And if you have any lighthearted secrets that your partner doesn’t know about, you can spill them in the comment section.
Bored Panda reached out to the author of the viral r/AskReddit thread, u/alvl70charizard, to get their perspective on secrets in relationships. They were kind enough to answer our questions. Scroll down for our interview with them.
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I try to give her the “better half of life”.
If there are two pieces of pizza left and one piece is burnt, I’ll take the burnt one. She gets the good piece.
If I’m going to shower and there’s one normal towel left, I will use a hand rag or something to dry off — she gets the towel.
If there’s that unwanted end of the bread loaf, I’ll make myself a sandwich using that sad end piece . I’ll then make her sandwich with the good pieces .
I do this all the time for the smallest things. She never knows.
I try to make her life better in those small ways
Redditor u/alvl70charizard told Bored Panda that they're "a huge fan" of the r/AskReddit subreddit. "I find myself often scrolling endlessly reading some of the most passionate people give their opinions and life experiences. The night before posting, I had a conversation with my friends and my partner about the 'little things' in a relationship. Things like fears, interests, and future goals," they opened up about the inspiration behind the question they asked.
"The conversation was fun and eventful with everyone giving their two cents, but the group quickly moved on to another topic. But like many others, I tend to overanalyze, and found myself asking, 'What’s one thing my partner doesn’t know?' Or, 'What’s one thing I don’t know about my partner?'" the redditor shared how they started thinking more and more about relationships and honesty.
"Now I like to think that my wife and I are super open about our relationship, but surely there’s something we don’t know right? So, I asked her and much to my surprise she said, 'Everything and anything I know you know.' I felt relieved almost instantly, but I figured someone out there needed to answer the question for their own well-being. So, I created the question in the thread!"
That I don't need to read aloud. My girlfriend struggles with insomnia but for some reason when I talk to her late at night she passes out almost immediately. So whenever I read a book I read out loud softly under the guise that it helps me focus. It works every time :)
My wife is prone to nightmares and often whimpers or screams in her sleep when she has one. I can reassure her without waking her and get her to feel safe enough that she makes happy little cooing noises while she’s still sound asleep. I’ve been doing this for her for over thirty years.
Redditor u/alvl70charizard revealed to Bored Panda that, in their opinion, they definitely think that honesty is always the best policy in any romantic relationship. They also practice what they preach. "I think my partner and I have created a space where that is true. If there is something going on in our lives, it’s better to be there together and tackle it head-on as a unit rather than individuals," they mused.
In their view, a partner should 'ideally' be comfortable sharing everything. "But there are situations where withholding information may be for that person’s mental and physical benefit. The question then arises, 'Is that the right thing to do?' I honestly don’t know."
That I know our daughter's reddit account, and that I check in on her regularly.
I feel deep, profound guilt about following her, because while I respect her privacy I know that she has significant physical and emotional issues. She's at college out of state, and battles with clinical depression and an unusual and incurable chronic illness, and she really, really tries not to let on to the world when she's going through a rough patch. She'll make a comment or post something that lets me know that she's feeling crushed or broken, and I'll co-incidentally reach out to her the next day and give her an opening to talk about anything that's bothering her. Most of the time it works and she'll vent for awhile and feel a little better. Some of the time we just trade pictures of cats. Either way, she knows that she's loved and that someone is thinking of her.
If I told my wife about this? She'd blow the whole thing up and like a bull in a china shop she'd make it pretty clear that she knew our daughter's account and immediately interject herself into our daughter's life so she could fix everything. I understand that, because my wife is brilliant and protective and only sees the world in black and white. But I also understand that my daughter has to fix her own life - and that she's doing it every day, but that it doesn't hurt to have someone text her out of the blue and tell her a dad joke and try and make her laugh while she's doing it.
I wrestle with the idea that I'm simultaneously a bad parent and a bad husband because of this. I've been married for almost thirty years, and this is the only thing I've ever kept from my wife. I hate it, but it's a hole I dug for myself, so I have to sit in it alone.
As a daughter, and an adult coping with chronic illness and depression, I have to say this is a wonderful way to support and love your daughter. You aren't obligated to share every detail of your father-daughter relationship, thoughts, or communications with your wife.
Exactly dad daughter relationships are sacred
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cut yourself some slack man. sounds like having your wife involved (in this way) would make the situation worse. sounds to me like you made a conscious and _informed_ decision of what helps your daughter and what wouldn't help. sounds like she's a daddy's girl. i'm a momma's boy :) it was horribly hard for my family to realize that they could not fix my addiction. that is something I had to learn how to do all by myself.
Damn... my daughter has a lot of mental struggles and a intellectual disability but her dad could care less. Doesn't ask about her. Some of her struggles were a result of his actions and emotional outbursts, so she doesn't have a relationship with her dad anymore. You sound like an outstanding Dad.
Sometimes you need the somewhat sneaky approach to help your kids my husband is also a black and white person and at times kids need sone one who sees the grey
50 shades of grey... in an entirely wide spectrum of life's events.....
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If one day she finds out, she'll understand how lucky she was having you standing behind her silently. Maybe not at first, but she'll get there. That's what i believe and I think the dad is a great example.
This is beyond lovely. This is being a parent! You're there for her but also allowing her to find her own way without judgement, without censorship. Sometimes good people do "bad" things for good reasons. You understand that life is NOT black and white and we are all just doing the best we can with what we have.
Bad parent? Parenting win! And when she is older and gets through this, let her know.
I think this Dad is discerning enough to know if he should disclose this information or should not! And l think he will also know when...Way to go Father!
Load More Replies... You sound like a man who understands and respects 2 women. Lucky them. Not all secrets are bad. Your secret is a gift..
That is great parenting! First, because nothing on the internet is private, you aren't spying. Your keeping an eye out and offering a lifeline when your daughter needs it. It may feel bad to keep that secret from your wife but if she bulldozed through trying to "fix" everything, it might drive your daughter away from both of you.
You, my friend, are a great dad AND you are assisting your wife in being a great mom...
You are neither a bad husband, nor bad father. You are protecting them both. Sounds like your wife (despite good intentions) might drive herself and your daughter crazy with worry. You are shouldering all the burden. I think that makes you a thankless hero!
As a person with chronic illness, I wish someone had done it for me when I was younger.
You're a great guy. It's hard to be in a spot like that, but it sounds like you know your family well enough to have made the right choice. Well done Dad.
I doubt the originator (over on Reddit?) will see this, but I’m a parent of a young adult with similar issues. As long as you can keep it secret, and “just happen” to call at the right time, I think this is a good way to encourage independence without throwing a challenged person in the deep end all by themselves.
You're a good dad. I wish I had had a supportive dad. I never knew the love of my father. It's shaped me profoundly. I'm 48 now and I still live with this hole in my heart. Keep being you.
I get what you're saying but if she didn't give you her Reddit you're really breaking her trust. What if she ends up posting about you or your wife? That's supposed to be her safe place.
He's doing the right thing sometimes as an adult we do need a parent to reach out and not be overwhelming by trying to help but just someone to talk to
I think you don't have to worry about it. You're doing a good job keeping everything under the table. You're a good dad.
You are not a bad parent at all. She is on a public site, i don't think you hacked her account or anything. Please don't feel bad. Yeah you have not been telling your wife something but you know her and you know how it would end. You have to keep this window into your daughter's life open. It's not overbearing, it's a parent's love.
I wish by husband did that for me. I vent on the Internet every now and then, using fake account, but in person I'm awful at sharing emotions. I had a psychiatric help a while ago, but recently I'm unemployed and don't have resources to get help, knowing that my husband knows that I need help would be really important. As I said, I am not the kind to walk to him and just ask so I'd love the idea to be spied on for the good reasons.
As the mother of a child who struggled with depression, and as a psychologist, but most of al as a human being I applaud you for giving your daughter what I believe is exactly what she needs, when she needs it. Please don't feel guilty for protecting this gem that exists between the two of you.
Think of it as less keeping it from your wife and more irreplaceable quality time. Your daughter will hold it dear to her. As will you.
You are a good dad and a good husband stop beating yourself up over this and please don't stop. They both need you to help balance out the world.
I was worried for a moment at the start of this but you're not like hacking her account or anything, just watching what she posts and going "hey, everything alright" if you notice something off. This is a good way to do it.
Some secrets are worth keeping and you’ve made a good decision here. You won’t always have to keep it alone. Someday when your daughter is older, it should be safe to tell her. I mean, you’re not posing as someone else, you’re just observing from a distance.
You're protecting your daughter as well as you can this way without alienating her. You're protecting your wife of herself, so there won't be a rift between them as a consequence. You're a good father and a good husband.
This is a most beautiful hole. Dug with love, consideration and acute awareness of your loved ones. Well done dad
My husband and I have been married for 37 years, and I think I am a very kind, moral and loyal person. When it comes to relationships I feel strongly about being honest and truthful, but kind (not brutally honest/truthful). In your particular case, I don't think you should feel any guilt about what you're doing. You aren't "spying" on your daughter to control her or manipulate her in some negative way. You have legitimate reasons for doing what you're doing and it's an act of love - for both your daughter and your wife. The only thing I would suggest is occasionally asking your wife, when you know your daughter is possibly struggling in some way, if she's reached out to your daughter recently - just to say, "Hi, I'm thinking of you, I love you." It's not fair that your daughter might think more highly of you reaching out - just when she needs it - and less of her mother because she doesn't when you, unbeknownst to them - have a secret inside track into her life, feelings, thoughts.
Soooo NTA. I wish I had parents who cared at all like this. So wholesome and such a Daddy way to Daddy. My eyes are sweating.
You are 100% doing the right thing. In this case, your daughter's well being is more important. Trust me on that. As someone with Major Depressive Disorder, no one can force their way in to "fix" us, and that is much more likely to make things worse. Don't feel bad, you're doing a great job.
I don't think you are doing something wrong. Are you invading your daughter privacy? Yes, but just to help her to cope with really difficult issues, and absolutely in a not invasive way. Are you hiding something from your wife? Yes, sure, but you are allowed to have a secret, above all if disclosing this secret would damage someone you love, and keeping it it's not hurting your wife. Life is not all just black and white, give yourself a break, you deserve it
Ninja patenting. Ninja love. I understand your quandary but realize I would do the same. One never ceases being a parent. She's lucky to have you there for her in that way.
You're okay. Just because you're married that doesn't mean the two of you are the same person. You're gift is to encourage gently or from afar when appropriate (which is most of the time). Wife's gift is to barge in during emergencies (which is occasionally necessary). There's a need for a nice cop to do a "welfare check". There is a need for an appropriately aggressive cop to come running with sirens and guns. Both are needed for life.
You are a great dad and husband! Thank you for what you do for your daughter xxxx
Well done you. You sound a lot like my hubby. There is a reason that he and our daughter are so close- and they sound a lot like yours. Keep doing what you're doing, because it works!
And she'll remember & cherish it long after your body has passed on, cause toer yu always be there
Many parents or relatives do this but if your wife knew about daughters daily feelings you know it would probably consume her. Understand your guilt feeling. In my view though you are also an amazing husband and father for watching while giving space. As a daughter my dad's act of reaching out always saved my day
I talk to my dad about stuff way more than my mom and it drives her nuts
Given what you said about your wife it's good you keep it to yourself. You are just helping your daughter. If you have other kids I would hold off on telling her. If you don't as soon as you explain to your daughter join her in telling your wife. But wait until daughter is in a good place. Probably after she graduates. Keep going super Dad.
oh no. he's made himself into a proper parent who pays attention to what the kid needs, without being overbearing, lets her grow, and still shows his love. this is awful. he's betrayed everyone he knows. *heavy sarcasm*
It's not like you're interfering in her personal life. Your watching from a distance with a good eye and trying to help without pushing. I'm not a parent, I'm a daughter and I'm also a very private very introverted person and I would be ok with this.
Naw you're doing the right thing. Parenting is so much different for those of us with kiddos with disabilities. Kudos to you Sir! 💜
Hey sometimes being the dad they need has to come before the partners needs and wants and although you know your wife would do anything for your daughter her approach would do more harm than help so she needs to be kept in the dark about this. Sometimes you just need your dad and he is the only one who can help you in that moment
Let me comes it quietly in that whole w you. It is called doing the right thing.
I think this is beautiful. And if the wife would blow it, she's better off not knowing.
As someone, who also suffers from depression, I'd say you're doing the right thing. Nobody else can fix you and someone else just force themselves trying to do so will likely cause more harm than good. You're trying to act in the best interest of your daughter, that's certainly not bad parenting.
I don't think you are either a bad parent or a bad husband your are not in a hole you love both of them dearly!
Best wishes to you and your daughter. It sounds like you really love her and like you're there to support her like my Dad is for me. You have to keep up with your depressed family members, because in the darkest moments, they won't tell you they are feeling down. Never lose hope.
You are handling this perfectly. Keep it up! She is lucky to have you for a dad.
My dad is similar in this way. My mom makes everything about her. If I am struggling and she helps me through an issue she tells everyone so she can get attention for being there and then she talks as if I would be nothing without her. My dad knows all my issues and guides me without putting it out there for everyone to know and expects no appraisal for it. Mom has no clue and thinks I haven't had a major breakdown in years.
You're neither a bad husband nor father. You obviously love both of them
Sir, you are not a bad parent, husband or anything. I am a single parent with a grown son. I grew up with toxic parents. Neither respected my privacy or boundaries. Abuse all around. I think what you're doing for your daughter is wonderful. There is no maliciousness in your secret account. I wish I could've had a father like you. I wish my son could've had a father like you. Keep doing what you're doing for her.
I get this, I so do this with my kids and wife. My wife can be the same ,but she's gotten so much more awesome through out the years.
I agree with all those who approve of this "holesome" move dad. And I get wifey getting mad too if/ when she finds out. My humble not asked for advice would be to practice your reasoning. Maybe write it out, every reason and then the reason behind the reason. When she comes at you not giving you the opportunity to state your position, you can say, I anticipated this and would like you too understand completely so I wrote it out for you. Kinda like a love song. She should have no problem then. If she does your have a bigger problem on your hands then just Dad checking up/in in his daughter. Good luck 🙏
It's ok. It's more than ok. There are definitely things about our children that we shouldn't keep from the other parent, but it's ok...no, it's absolutely healthy and wonderful that we have parts of our relationships with our kids that are separate. Sharing a sense of humor with at least one of your kids is one of the best things ever, liking some of the same music, a movie you'll both watch over and over...these are the things over which we become friends with our kids . It's not unusual for ours to go to their dad with one kind of problem and me another kind. Or some good news he's going to get the call and when something else good happens, they're going to think of me first.
You're NOT at all a bad father or husband for doing this. I don't have a father and if I did, I'd want one just EXACTLY like you!! Your daughter is highly favored and blessed to have a loving Dad who cares about her so much!! 💗
You are a great dad and a great husband as I see it. Why? Because you have evidently no both of them well enough and also because you have given it plenty of thought to where you're doing what you feel is most helpful. There are not many people that take the time.
I think he's an amazing dad. There's not a darn thing to feel guilty about. Anybody in the world can follow anybody in the world, he's following his daughter he's not bullying her to do what she wants, he's giving her an opportunity no she's loved and check in on her. There's nothing in the world wrong with that.
This is beautiful and he should not feel any negative feelings about this. This is what being a good parent and a good spouse looks like.
As a member of the black and white society, I want you to know that you are an awesome father and husband. It's not that someone knows our limits and doesn't cross them. Also, we often feel like we said too much when we try so hard to fix something or someone.
I think that's great. My dad wouldn't talk about stuff but sneak around a snoop. Hold it in and then blow up. You have been her pressure valve
You should be proud that the "hole you dug" is really a loving way of "fighting from the trenches" to keep your daughter safe from her own thoughts; you are neither a bad parent nor a bad husband!
Err ever heard of enmeshment? You could literally be the reason for her problems...just saying.
Em, it seems to me that you're tangled up and just projecting yourself onto others... You should wish you had someone so thoughtful and caring watching over you!
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you are neither a bad Dad or a bad husband. Your great and your love for both of them brings tears. Please, as a daughter and a mother - don't stop.
You, Doung chanveasna, should STFU... to make a vulgar comment to a loving father, who is watching over his vulnerable daughter, is pretty messed up!
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I totally understand you're doing this out of the goodness of your heart, but it would be even better if you could give her her privacy as well. Why not reach out a little more often, give her a chance to talk/vent, and trust that she'll get herself through the other days.
He's looking at public posts, not private ones. He's not logging into her account, he knows her username and simply follows the account, like following someone on twitter. The only things about his daughter he is seeing are things she's posting publicly on a social media site. That's not an invasion of privacy.
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Boyfriend has financial struggles, not because of anything he’s ever done. His mother is mentally unwell and his father can’t work for various reasons. He’s been the sole provider for his family since he was a teen and has to balance his job on top of being the top 5% in his university cohort to maintain two scholarships.
He had to put his mom in a psychiatric hospital by himself when he was 19. He had no support from relatives except his grandma, who doesn’t have an income herself but tries her best. He currently is raising his younger brother and paying rent for the both of them. He acts strong about it but he gets “financial panics” very very often.
In comparison, my family isn’t rich but we’re definitely lucky enough to be comfortable. My parents pay my tuition, but I still work part time (teaching) because I don’t get any pocket money and I also enjoy it. I’m a very frugal person though so a lot of it just gets saved up.
So, sometimes I secretly transfer some money into his account. I pretend to “borrow” his phone and delete the SMS notification off of it. He’s never noticed. It’s not a lot of money but I like to think it helps him get a little bit of extra something.
When we watch movies together we always snack. One of our favorites to munch on during the movie are the Sour Punch Bites. She takes all the blue ones because I don't like them and they are her favorite - always says how lucky she is that worked out like that.
The blue ones are also my favorite, but she can have them.
They referred to one of the posts in their thread as an example of how difficult it is to decide on what to do in certain cases: "For example, one of the posts in the thread discussed how a user hadn’t told his wife that her mother called for her right before she passed away. She had left the room just minutes before and he never told her. Personally, I don’t know what I would have done or said in a similar situation."
Situations like that fall into a bit of a grey area and, according to the redditor, "a majority of people would agree it comes down to the person and the situation." In short, there's no easy answer about total whether or not total honesty is possible (or even recommended) in extremely delicate situations that can have a deep, lasting, negative impact on your partner.
"I would just like to add a huge thank you to everyone in the Reddit community that submitted any responses. Especially those that wrote some personal information it means a lot when a community can come together and talk about their lives like we did," the redditor praised their fellow internet users.
She suffers from depression, and when she hits a slump she feels like laying in bed and doing nothing, even though 99.9% of the time just getting out of bed and doing something, ANYTHING will make a dramatic difference in her day. So usually when she hits a slump I'll manufacture some fake emergency that only she can help me solve, like "hey babe I think one of the cats has a scratch on his face but he won't hold still for me to look." Of course, the cat is fine, but I just tricked her into getting out of bed and doing something, and that's always the hardest part.
That most of the times I ask my wife for a hug are when she's feeling down or upset, because she doesn't like to be "clingy or needy" so she internalises and goes quiet.
I tell her I need a hug because of one thing or another so I can comfort her without making her feel like she's inconveniencing me.
I really felt this. I also have trouble externalising if l'm feeling upset so this is really thoughtful
That her mom called for her the moment before she died. When her mom was dying she was in the room with her for almost 24 hours straight and left for 30 seconds and I was there and in those 30 seconds her mother died but not before calling for my wife. I don't know if it will haunt her or not, but I just don't think it's something she needs to know
Understandable, It would probably haunt her. I know I wouldn’t take that well.
Certified relationship coach Alex Scot explained to Bored Panda that there is a difference between secrecy and privacy. The former can be harmful to a relationship if left unchecked while the latter is a healthy part of living.
She told us during an earlier interview that transparency is vitally important in any relationship that you pursue, but especially in romantic ones. If you’re ever stuck wondering whether or not you should tell your partner something, the first thing you should do is put yourself in their shoes and imagine what they would want.
"If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation," relationship coach Alex told Bored Panda.
I rub her back when she's asleep because she makes happy noises and I like to think it makes her have better dreams... I do also do this to the dog though.
Just how often I check her out. She brags to her friends that I'll check her out 10 times a day. Dearest voluptuous woman, that's how many times I make sure you catch me. I am stealing glances the entire time we share any space.
My husband's birthday is Christmas Eve. Unfortunately his birthday gets forgotten a lot. The first year we were married almost no one remembered, and although he claimed it didn't bother him, I could see that it really did. So now I send out a text first thing on the morning on Christmas Eve, and all everyone to take a moment to wish him a happy birthday, and explicitly stated that no one is to let him know that I've sent out the text. Almost 12 years in, and he hasn't found out
"If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place,” she said that we should strongly consider opening up about a secret if it has a direct effect on our loved ones.
Of course, every situation is different and in some cases, a bit of discretion might save our partners a world of hurt. However, that really depends on the secret in question. And the secret-keepers have to take into account the fact that trust is incredibly hard to rebuild after it’s been broken.
Alex said that it is “always a challenge” to rebuild that trust. The bigger the secret, the longer it will take. "For smaller offenses, it will take less time, but for larger offenses, be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time."
My husband borrows my concealer sometimes to cover up acne. Problem is, he has this beautiful olive skin and I have very fair skin…it didn’t match but he was too embarrassed to buy his own concealer so he insisted on just using whatever I was using. So I bought him his own and put it in the spot where he knows to look for mine. It took me a few tries but I eventually got the right color match
I bought the flowers his workplace sent him when his mother died. Everyone else in his family were sent flowers by their work except him and I was utterly furious. He’s a teacher and both of us have made a lot of personal sacrifices for his job but when I contacted them I was told they couldn’t send him anything because it would “set a precedent” or some bollocks. So I told them I’d pay and I bought a huge bouquet and sent it to him. It really meant a lot which makes me even sadder.
Whenever we get fast food to go, she enjoys eating the extra fries which have fallen out of their carriage and into the bag. I'm not really sure why she enjoys them so much but whenever there aren't any, I drop a few down when grabbing my fries secretly and then give her the bag. It's been 8 years haha. I always grab my fries last and she's never noticed.
One of my friends and her partner fight over the bag chips lol.
I pretend to be asleep when he wakes up because I love how sweetly he wakes me up :)
One time, when I was making his favorite dinner (baked chicken tenders) I didn't have any eggs so I dredged the chicken in mayo before breading it (he hates mayo). He said it was the best batch I've ever made and had seconds. I will take this to my grave.
I always make sure he has the best softest towel for him to dry himself after a shower.
I make sure he gets the big cup so he doesn't have to get up to refill.
I lie to him how much his medicine costs because I don't want him to stress. It takes me a month to pay it off (we buy a three month supply).
I buy the best meat and chicken so his stomach doesn't have problems and don't tell him about the price. So he just eats happily and with no stress.
I pat-pat every one of his shirts (when folding laundry) with my hand so my loving energy goes in it to protect him and for him to hopefully not have stomach ache that day.
Why does the pat-pat one hit different? Even though it involves zero sacrifce unlike the others.
I put "no salt" salt into his salt shaker he keeps on his table near his video games. He is notorious for over-salting his food and has high blood pressure. I've been doing this for almost 4 years now. He can't tell the difference.
Check with his doctor, too. It's fairly easy to get more potassium than is good for you, and I think there are medications that it interferes with.
He does not know that he was my teenage crush since I was 12 and I wrote so many beautiful poems on him. We have been married for 6 years and have a child together. I don’t know if I will ever have the courage to tell him that I have always loved him.
Eh, I fail to see why you would need courage for that! It's sweet, moving and very flattering for him. I mean, it's not like you were an adult crushing on a teen, leaving them alone and waiting for the teen to become an unsuspecting adult, so you can make your move. (That would be kinda gross, but still basically ok, I guess. Some acquaintance first met when she was 15 and he was 20. He crushed on her immediately, but kept his distance, because he didn't want to be that guy. She really liked him a lot, too, so she asked him out after turning 16, so it wouldn't be illegal for him. 8 years later, they are still a couple.)
That I have a folder of photos on my computer called “Places I have found my wife’s shoes” that is legitimately filled with thousands of pictures of my wife’s shoes that are neither in the closet or shoe rack
I started it years ago as a joke and it has gotten out of hand
Very early in the relationship after the second date his monitor broke right on Sunday. I knew he was an avid gamer.
So I quickly bought a 27" monitor on eBay and told him I had that laying around. While he was on the way to me, I power walked through half the town to get it and quickly changed clothes because it was drizzling.
He had low income and no money and I didn't want him to feel like he's in my debt. We're over two years together now.
I always give him the bigger towel, leave him the bigger slice of pizza, make sure there’s a few bites of food in the pan because he likes to sneak extra when he puts the dishes in the sink after dinner, hang the covers a little longer on his side of the bed, leave the last three cookies so he has at least two and can leave the last one for me like he likes to do. The list goes on and on, but he will never know how much joy he brings me and how he saves my life everyday. Okay, sap is over, back to regular, un-wholesome internet-ing.
That I knew he was planning to propose to me but I still acted surprised.
Married 14 years now, still haven't told him. He is so proud of the idea that he managed to surprise me.
Me too! He has a story about how my engagement ring set off the metal detector at the airport and how he had to cover it up so I wouldn't guess (we were on our way to Venice and I guessed he would propose there). Thing is I knew all along because my step mum gave the game away before we left (yeah, she was like that). To this day (married 18 years) I pretend I had no idea. He's not on BP
My wife is the biggest softie for animals, and we have birds that nest right in a column on our porch. One day a baby bird fell out and she saw. Well it ended up dying, but I buried it and told her that I saw the momma bird come down and get it. It made her day so much better that I haven't had the heart to tell her it died and probably never will.
I also distract her whenever I see roadkill coming up, or tell her it was just a plastic bag or something.
I do the same with roadkill for my partner - I'll distract him with a question or put on his favourite song or just say it was some garbage. It doesn't always work, but I know it ruins his day to see some poor animal crushed, so I try to make it better
My wife thinks I always fall asleep next to her when we cuddle at night (we go to bed at different times but I jump in for a few minutes to snuggle before she zonks out). I don’t, I just fake it. But it makes her super happy so every time, I pretend to drift off and she has to wake me and it makes her laugh every time. This has been going on for 9 years.
She’ll never know.
When we worked together, someone kept stealing food from my husband’s lunchbox. He started deliberately packing more food. He assumed the person was stealing food because they were hungry and couldn’t afford it.
I found out who did it. She hated him and was doing it to try to piss him off. I told her if she did it again I would make a big stink of it, but never told him because I didn’t want to shatter his illusion that he was doing a nice thing for someone who really needed it.
Update: I think I need to fess up tonight and let him know so many people who aren’t me think he’s a treasure. I may not fit in the house with how big his head is going to get after that though!
How highly I think of her. She is brilliant and capable but has the most insane and deeply rooted case of imposter syndrome I've ever seen.
That sounds rough. Good for you to be there for her. A supporting partner or friend makes it a lot easier to deal with mental health issues.
That I'm over 4 years sober. You think they would have noticed, but when I started going to AA at lunch at work after a hard year of trying and failing, sobriety finally stuck. I had been sober a month and she accused me of being drunk again and that I was obviously sneaking alcohol and clearly I was hungover and that I was a loser who would never get his sh*t together. I thought, "well I won't say anything and work on myself until even she will notice.' So I did, I stayed sober, I got fit, I ran a marathon, I got therapy, I got treatment for what turned out to be adult adhd that had gone undiagnosed for 51 years, I started anti-depressants and generally turned my life around.
She never noticed, and I'm regularly accused of being a lousy drunk by her. About every other week or so. I'd say it hurts, but I'm in such a better place now that I truly don't give a sh*t what a toxic person like that thinks, which makes her even more negative. I've stayed married to her for 26 years, but I don't think I'll make it much farther.
Every night I turn around to cuddle him and I give his shirt a big sniff because his smell makes me relax.
When we were dating she tickled my feet and I acted as if I wasn't ticklish. 13 years later she will tickle them and be amazed I am not ticklish, everytime it tickles.
I have to hide this forever.
He knows because I tell him a lot, but I don’t think he fully understands how much I love and rely on him. I don’t think he could know without being in my head, but I have pretty acute anxiety. I know enough about my anxiety to know when I’m freaking out over nothing, so I try to keep it mostly contained to my own brain and keep the external freak outs to a minimum. Just his presence keeps me grounded and calm. He is my best friend and I don’t know if I could have accomplished most of what I have without him.
Every time we go into a restaurant or place of business, I make sure to identify all the exit points in case something bad where to happen.
Also never have my back to the doors.
That when I tell her I don't want her to make cookies cause we are being healthy, that I really want her to make cookies.
He doesn't know I fix his DIY properly when he is out. He's so proud of "his"work...
My fiancé doesn't know I put a king snake in the attic last spring to take care of a rat and squirrel issue.
When I shower she thinks I make an absurdly loud noise when I'm washing my butt. Really I'm just squeezing water in my palm, but it's much funnier that she thinks it's my butt. Even done this while we were both in there to really get her going
The Botox I get between eyes because I don’t want to get that angry scowl wrinkle…he tells me I still look so young at 45. I might confess this year
This isn't so bad, once it isn't affecting your health or anything. I don't really know much about the procedure.
We're in a LDR. I happily and willing set out on journey to go see my boyfriend first. We're both not financially well-off (but that's our business). He doesn't know how much more I make than him. He doesn't know how much it cost to get my passport, the plane ticket, nor how much I spent while I was there. He doesn't know when I came back home I was in debt. It's not his problem. (It wasn't even a big deal to me because I could pay it off.) Only recently, when his sister asked me how much I paid for the flight, did I tell her, in which my boyfriend overheard.
I don't want our relationship to become about competing with money and developing resentment.
I am very independent and in the last year my boyfriend moved into my home, a home I have meticulously taken care of and upgraded by myself for the last twelve years. I do not need help with handy tasks around the house, but I will occasionally ask him to fix something and he absolutely beams when I ask. It often takes him way longer than it would me, but I don't say anything and always thank him profusely and praise his work. The look of pride and sheer joy on his face when I do that is worth all of the aggravation that I have to endure watching him take an hour to do a task that would take me 5 minutes.
Relatable! I've lived alone for the past 8 years and my bf just moved in this year. In general, I am way more handy than he is. So it does take some willpower for me to take a step back when he wants to try to tackle a new project. Luckily we work really well as a team and he's willing to take any tips or ideas if I tell him. He is so proud when he does a new project though lol I try building him up so he's confident to do more.
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In my relationship I have only had two secretes from my husband. The first secrete I kept from him for about 6 years. When we first started dating, he went on this huge rant about how he would never date a virgin because they cling to the first person they sleep with and idolize that person to the point it ruins the relationship. So I did not tell him I was in fact a virgin until 6 years later when my dog died and he took me to the woods to camp out and while I cried myself to sleep I told him. He said that was cute and kissed me. Second secrete isn't really something I intentionally keep from him but he leaves his things in the strangest places and as I find them throughout the day I either make a mental note so I can tell him where it is when he is looking for it later, or I move it to a spot where he can find it. He loses everything and I have made it my job to keep tabs on all of his important things and making sure he never loses them.
My bf and I just joke about how we are each other's firsts so we don't have to acknowledge that we both have had past relationships/partners. I mean I didn't meet him till I was 38, so. . .
Load More Replies... My now ex husband surprised me for our honeymoon. Had no idea where. It was 3 weeks in Jamaica at 2 different 5 star resorts. That night at our wedding, reception one of his groomsmen told me(I hadn't asked) and spoiled the surprise to purposely be a total douche.. I didn't tell him.
He is horrible about letting me know when he's low or out of something. I try to keep tabs but I lose track sometimes. So on those certain super duper important to him items I keep them put away and when judgment day comes and he's freaking out because his deodorant is gone I swoop in and save the day with a fresh one which must have come from on high from the way he reacts. Been doing it for 17yrs won't stop until I am unable to do so and even then I'll probably arrange it thru family he is my world.
Having triplet boys and a husband that changes his outfit every time he leaves the house. That's a lot of laundry to do. He told me he can only have tide due to deathly allergies. Tide is EXPENSIVE. I ran out and did not have enough for tide. So I bought a cheaper detergent. I poured it into the tide bottle and threw the empty away in some one else's trash bin. I watched for any allergic reaction or rash. None whatsoever. So for the past 20 odd years, I buy 2 cheaper bottles, pour it into the tide bottle and life goes on.
I want love like these people have. The only problem is I'm completely chicken and haven't gotten a boyfriend yet. Every time I get a crush I don't end up telling him and then he starts dating another girl and I'm left alone. I mean, I have friends that I know I can rely on, but I just want someone that I know for a fact I can rely on with anything.
That sort of love starts with friendship, and you may receive it from friends :) deep love is not always romantic love. If he isn't crushing back on you, he is not the person you need...
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I cook for her. I'm pretty competent in the kitchen (the six years in a restaurant kitchen was my favorite job ever, but I hated the zombie hours and low pay), but if I was just cooking for myself, it'd be instant ramen and boxed macaroni and cheese on a regular rotation. Since it's important to me that she have delicious and interesting meals, I do so much more. I even cook meals that I think are a waste of time, money, and otherwise good ingredients because they're childhood favorites of hers or comfort food that makes her feel at home.
It was a secret for years that I used onions. Hubby was sure he hated them in food, in general, and on principle. Eventually, he figured it out. Turns out he doesn't hate foods he thought he hated!
My husband will watch cooking shows and baking competitions with me even though I know they're not his favorites. on the other hand, I've seen Tombstone and the Rock and movies like that with him approximately 60, 000 times so it works out...
I know the scar above his lip is from a bullet. And a few other unsavory and scary moments from his life. All told to me by his ex in an attempt to create conflict, fail. His actions were a product of his childhood neighborhood. I let him grow to be the man he wanted to be. He is glorious.
More than half of these are people in abusive relationships that don't know it. Pretty sad.
Like the way old maps used to have, "Here Be Monsters" around the edges, this sort of BP post needs, "Here Be Onion Ninjas" at the top.
All of these, I experienced exactly the opposite in 1 (one) marriage
I am very independent and in the last year my boyfriend moved into my home, a home I have meticulously taken care of and upgraded by myself for the last twelve years. I do not need help with handy tasks around the house, but I will occasionally ask him to fix something and he absolutely beams when I ask. It often takes him way longer than it would me, but I don't say anything and always thank him profusely and praise his work. The look of pride and sheer joy on his face when I do that is worth all of the aggravation that I have to endure watching him take an hour to do a task that would take me 5 minutes.
Relatable! I've lived alone for the past 8 years and my bf just moved in this year. In general, I am way more handy than he is. So it does take some willpower for me to take a step back when he wants to try to tackle a new project. Luckily we work really well as a team and he's willing to take any tips or ideas if I tell him. He is so proud when he does a new project though lol I try building him up so he's confident to do more.
Load More Replies... In my relationship I have only had two secretes from my husband. The first secrete I kept from him for about 6 years. When we first started dating, he went on this huge rant about how he would never date a virgin because they cling to the first person they sleep with and idolize that person to the point it ruins the relationship. So I did not tell him I was in fact a virgin until 6 years later when my dog died and he took me to the woods to camp out and while I cried myself to sleep I told him. He said that was cute and kissed me. Second secrete isn't really something I intentionally keep from him but he leaves his things in the strangest places and as I find them throughout the day I either make a mental note so I can tell him where it is when he is looking for it later, or I move it to a spot where he can find it. He loses everything and I have made it my job to keep tabs on all of his important things and making sure he never loses them.
My bf and I just joke about how we are each other's firsts so we don't have to acknowledge that we both have had past relationships/partners. I mean I didn't meet him till I was 38, so. . .
Load More Replies... My now ex husband surprised me for our honeymoon. Had no idea where. It was 3 weeks in Jamaica at 2 different 5 star resorts. That night at our wedding, reception one of his groomsmen told me(I hadn't asked) and spoiled the surprise to purposely be a total douche.. I didn't tell him.
He is horrible about letting me know when he's low or out of something. I try to keep tabs but I lose track sometimes. So on those certain super duper important to him items I keep them put away and when judgment day comes and he's freaking out because his deodorant is gone I swoop in and save the day with a fresh one which must have come from on high from the way he reacts. Been doing it for 17yrs won't stop until I am unable to do so and even then I'll probably arrange it thru family he is my world.
Having triplet boys and a husband that changes his outfit every time he leaves the house. That's a lot of laundry to do. He told me he can only have tide due to deathly allergies. Tide is EXPENSIVE. I ran out and did not have enough for tide. So I bought a cheaper detergent. I poured it into the tide bottle and threw the empty away in some one else's trash bin. I watched for any allergic reaction or rash. None whatsoever. So for the past 20 odd years, I buy 2 cheaper bottles, pour it into the tide bottle and life goes on.
I want love like these people have. The only problem is I'm completely chicken and haven't gotten a boyfriend yet. Every time I get a crush I don't end up telling him and then he starts dating another girl and I'm left alone. I mean, I have friends that I know I can rely on, but I just want someone that I know for a fact I can rely on with anything.
That sort of love starts with friendship, and you may receive it from friends :) deep love is not always romantic love. If he isn't crushing back on you, he is not the person you need...
Load More Replies... I cook for her. I'm pretty competent in the kitchen (the six years in a restaurant kitchen was my favorite job ever, but I hated the zombie hours and low pay), but if I was just cooking for myself, it'd be instant ramen and boxed macaroni and cheese on a regular rotation. Since it's important to me that she have delicious and interesting meals, I do so much more. I even cook meals that I think are a waste of time, money, and otherwise good ingredients because they're childhood favorites of hers or comfort food that makes her feel at home.
It was a secret for years that I used onions. Hubby was sure he hated them in food, in general, and on principle. Eventually, he figured it out. Turns out he doesn't hate foods he thought he hated!
My husband will watch cooking shows and baking competitions with me even though I know they're not his favorites. on the other hand, I've seen Tombstone and the Rock and movies like that with him approximately 60, 000 times so it works out...
I know the scar above his lip is from a bullet. And a few other unsavory and scary moments from his life. All told to me by his ex in an attempt to create conflict, fail. His actions were a product of his childhood neighborhood. I let him grow to be the man he wanted to be. He is glorious.
More than half of these are people in abusive relationships that don't know it. Pretty sad.
Like the way old maps used to have, "Here Be Monsters" around the edges, this sort of BP post needs, "Here Be Onion Ninjas" at the top.
All of these, I experienced exactly the opposite in 1 (one) marriage
