With the rise in awareness for violence and sexual abuse towards women and children, I want to talk about male victims. Male victims are often forgotten or rarely talked about in campaigns against violence and sexual abuse and this is the reason why I do not support white ribbon day. There are a huge lack of services to cater for these men including shelters, support from society and police, and other specialised support services and charities. There are numerous women’s and childrens shelters across the world and only a handful of male shelters. Here I am going to talk about the forgotten victims and hopefully encourage them them to speak up, seek help and that they are worthy to be heard.
Suffering in silence
Whilst many women do suffer in silence it is still less taboo than men talking about being a victim. It is much harder to get the proper statistics on male victims because it isn’t often talked about. Mental health and suicide rates are an epidemic and even more so for males and it makes me wonder how many of those men were/are victims of abuse but feel they can’t speak up and suffered in silence. (I know the same can be said for many women as well but this post is not about them).
You are worthy
1 in 16 (0.5million) men are victims of physical and/or sexual violence by a cohabiting partner since age 15. 1 in 20 (428,000) men have been sexually assaulted and/or threatened since age 15. In 2015-2016, 560 men were hospitalised after being assaulted by a spouse or partner. 1 in 6 men have experienced emotional abuse from a current or previous partner. (Australian statistics from Australian institute of health and welfare)
You are not alone
Men aren’t just victims of spousal violence and sexual assault, they are at higher risk of being assaulted by strangers in public and have higher rates of homicide. Between 2012-2014 64% of murder victims were male, 83% of victims killed by an acquaintance were male and 92% of people killed by a stranger were male. (Australian statistics found on Crime statistics Australia)
You deserve happiness
In 2014-2015, 2 men on average were hospitalised every day after being assaulted by their partner. From 2012-2014 approximately 1 man a month were killed from assault by a current or previous partner. In 2016 police recorded on average 11 sexual assaults a day where the victim was male. Nearly 820,000 people witnessed violence towards their father by their mother before the age of 15. (Australian statistics from Australian institute of health and welfare).
Open up, find support and talk
Men are at higher risk of depression and suicide. On average 1 in 8 men will experience depression and 1 in 5 men will experience anxiety at some stage in their lives. Men make up on average 6 out of 8 suicides a day. The number of men who die by suicide every year is almost double the Australian road toll. Suicide is one of the leading cause of death in Australia for men aged 15-44. Sadly 72% of men don’t seek help for mental health issues. (Australian statistics found on beyomd blue and numerous mental health organisations).
Self medicating is not the answer
In a bid to cope with their emotions, research shows men are most likely to turn to alcohol, drugs and gambling, often leading to family breakdowns. Mental health is also the leading cause of homelessness in men. Research also shows that the more men who speak up about their emotions and mental health in front of others, entices other men suffering to speak up about their own struggles. As Jack Heath from SANE Australia said “There’s a notion around men almost needing to have permission to seek help, or needing to see other men seeking help before they will.”
You are brave for seeking help and speaking up.
1 in 9 men (11% or 992,000) men reported to have been victims of physical and/or sexual abuse before the age of 15. In 2016-2017, over 9000 men seeked homelessness services that were related to family and domestic violence. (Australian institute of health and welfare).
Project Unbreakable
Unbreakable was a photography project done by Grace Brown back in 2011. Her intention was to give voices to those who have suffered and survived sexual assault, child abuse and domestic violence. These images are of male victims that were part of the project and shows just how manipulative predators are and how much they feed off ones fear and use it against them. It also shows the ignorance and tactlessness of some of the people they tried to tell. These men are so brave and strong for telling their stories.
It’s time to break the stigma
We need to let male victims know they are supported
Everyone needs to make a stand for better services for male victims
Encourage yourself, believe in yourself and love yourself.
From every wound is a scar, and every scar tells a story. Some scars can’t be seen but they can be felt by telling your story. A story that says “I have survived”.
Don’t be ashamed of your story, It will inspire others. It is nothing to be shameful of.
Support services contact information for victims.
Here are some contact details for support services in Australia.
GENERAL HELP
The Police – 000
Lifeline – 131 114
Victims access line – 1800 633 063
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Mensline Australia – 1300 789 978
Dads in distress – 1300 853 437
Men’s rights agency – (07) 3200 8769
Hunter Domestic Violence Support & Advisory Services Inc – (02) 4990 9609 or 0488 246 693
SEXUAL ASSAULT AND ABUSE
Living well – (07) 3435 4358 or
1300 114 397
MENTAL HEALTH
Beyond Blue – 1300 224 636
Mindspot clinic – 1800 614 434
Qlife – 1800 184 527
SANE Australia – 1800 187 263
You can also present yourself to the local hospital for a mental health assessment or speak to your GP.
For more services please look at this site for more information including some contact numbers for services in the UK and USA. For other countries, please speak to a health professional or search online for the appropriate services for you. http://www.oneinthree.com.au/servicesandresources/
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I'm 12,trans,and was sexually abused from ages 3-5 by my biological dad,then again when I was 11 by my stepparent. all victims matter and all deserve respect and care.if someone is hurting you,get help. you are not alone
I am so very sorry you had to endure all that. NO one deserves abuse. I wish you healing, health and happiness and I truly hope you have a lot of support. You are very strong and brave for speaking up.
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You are more than welcome, I’m glad if I have helped in anyway no matter how big or small. I wish you the absolute best and much happiness.
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A bit off topic perhaps but what about the many men who spend a lifetime raising or paying maintenance for children who are not their own?
Of course, I could go on about many areas where men are forgotten like divorce, child maintenance, custody issues, false accusations, higher rates of workplace injuries and death, circumcision etc. These are all important things so please don’t feel that I have forgotten other aspects where men have been forgotten. I highly recommend watching The Red Pill documentary. Feminists don’t like it because it focuses on men’s issues but the movie touches on many valid points. It was actually banned in Australia from being shown because of the feminist movement. We need to stand up for our partners, sons, fathers, brothers, friends etc. Whilst women’s rights are extremely important, we are forgetting the rights of men in many areas.
Load More Replies...
Thank you for your article...please write this type of article more...please read my story and comment https://www.boredpanda.com/?p=1864630&utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic
Foxxy, I want to thank you for this. I know you may never see this, but seeing this article helped me to get my boyfriend through an anxiety attack he was having after seeing his ex for the first time in 4 years; it had been that long since my bf had gathered the courage to finally leave him. He raped my bf for the last 3 years they were together. Thank you for sharing this.
I am so very sorry for what your boyfriend has gone through, no one deserves that. I am so pleased that this article helped in any way and I hope your boyfriend can one day heal and find peace. I wish you and your partner much happiness.
Load More Replies... Thank you, I appreciate that. I don’t understand why though lol. I see posts about women victims all the time and I just wanted to show that men can be victims too. I really wish more people were interested in the article to help spread awareness but I guess this just proves my point, that sadly not many people care when victims are male. We should care these things could happen to our sons, partners, friends, family, coworkers etc. Im just disappointed. And not becuase I wrote the article but because of what the article is about. It just saddens me.
Load More Replies...
I once made a post on a different site about how many are discounted (by friends, family, etc.) much more often when they are the victims of abuse, and I was told I sounded like "MRA". I was really, really shocked. Anyway, I was friends with a guy whose girlfriend HIT HIM WITH HER CAR on purpose in the driveway. He was permanently injured and nothing super serious, but some bad bruising. And at the hospital, someone told him that it was pointless for him to try to make a case against her because he had very dark skin and the bruises wouldn't show well in pictures. That combined with his being the man, my friend didn't even go to the police. There are SO MANY things wrong with that. First of all, the doctor's report should be sufficient, even without good pictures. Second of all, she hit him with HER CAR! And third of all, this was at a time when I think the police were required to do something about domestic assault. They were required to investigate, whether he was a man or not.
That is awful, I have heard many stories where men haven’t been heard or taken seriously. One guy was raped by a woman but when he went to the police they laughed at him and said men can’t get raped. He was in his 20s when it happened and it has literally scarred him and scared him off women. He hasn’t been in a relationship since before he was raped and he is almost 50 now. Another man I know decided to take another friend out for a drive coz he got a new car and wanted to show his mate. They stopped along the esplanade at the beach to have a cigarette when a group of about 15 girls and 1 guy started on them. One girl dragged one of the men out of the car trying to steal the car keys whilst punching him and spitting on him, whilst another girl dragged the other guy away spitting on him, punching him and all sorts. The rest of the girls were standing by watching.
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What an abhorrent thing to say. You are no better than the women who claim all men are abusers, rapists etc. How about you be the bigger and better person if this is retaliation in regards to the man hating world some of society has become. Although attitudes like yours don’t help the cause. I was trying to shed light on the struggles men face when it comes to abuse and mental health and you have to go and make a comment like that. As a woman trying to stand up for men’s rights I am disgusted.
Load More Replies... I'm 12,trans,and was sexually abused from ages 3-5 by my biological dad,then again when I was 11 by my stepparent. all victims matter and all deserve respect and care.if someone is hurting you,get help. you are not alone
I am so very sorry you had to endure all that. NO one deserves abuse. I wish you healing, health and happiness and I truly hope you have a lot of support. You are very strong and brave for speaking up.
Load More Replies... You are more than welcome, I’m glad if I have helped in anyway no matter how big or small. I wish you the absolute best and much happiness.
Load More Replies... A bit off topic perhaps but what about the many men who spend a lifetime raising or paying maintenance for children who are not their own?
Of course, I could go on about many areas where men are forgotten like divorce, child maintenance, custody issues, false accusations, higher rates of workplace injuries and death, circumcision etc. These are all important things so please don’t feel that I have forgotten other aspects where men have been forgotten. I highly recommend watching The Red Pill documentary. Feminists don’t like it because it focuses on men’s issues but the movie touches on many valid points. It was actually banned in Australia from being shown because of the feminist movement. We need to stand up for our partners, sons, fathers, brothers, friends etc. Whilst women’s rights are extremely important, we are forgetting the rights of men in many areas.
Load More Replies... Thank you for your article...please write this type of article more...please read my story and comment https://www.boredpanda.com/?p=1864630&utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic
Foxxy, I want to thank you for this. I know you may never see this, but seeing this article helped me to get my boyfriend through an anxiety attack he was having after seeing his ex for the first time in 4 years; it had been that long since my bf had gathered the courage to finally leave him. He raped my bf for the last 3 years they were together. Thank you for sharing this.
I am so very sorry for what your boyfriend has gone through, no one deserves that. I am so pleased that this article helped in any way and I hope your boyfriend can one day heal and find peace. I wish you and your partner much happiness.
Load More Replies... Thank you, I appreciate that. I don’t understand why though lol. I see posts about women victims all the time and I just wanted to show that men can be victims too. I really wish more people were interested in the article to help spread awareness but I guess this just proves my point, that sadly not many people care when victims are male. We should care these things could happen to our sons, partners, friends, family, coworkers etc. Im just disappointed. And not becuase I wrote the article but because of what the article is about. It just saddens me.
Load More Replies... I once made a post on a different site about how many are discounted (by friends, family, etc.) much more often when they are the victims of abuse, and I was told I sounded like "MRA". I was really, really shocked. Anyway, I was friends with a guy whose girlfriend HIT HIM WITH HER CAR on purpose in the driveway. He was permanently injured and nothing super serious, but some bad bruising. And at the hospital, someone told him that it was pointless for him to try to make a case against her because he had very dark skin and the bruises wouldn't show well in pictures. That combined with his being the man, my friend didn't even go to the police. There are SO MANY things wrong with that. First of all, the doctor's report should be sufficient, even without good pictures. Second of all, she hit him with HER CAR! And third of all, this was at a time when I think the police were required to do something about domestic assault. They were required to investigate, whether he was a man or not.
That is awful, I have heard many stories where men haven’t been heard or taken seriously. One guy was raped by a woman but when he went to the police they laughed at him and said men can’t get raped. He was in his 20s when it happened and it has literally scarred him and scared him off women. He hasn’t been in a relationship since before he was raped and he is almost 50 now. Another man I know decided to take another friend out for a drive coz he got a new car and wanted to show his mate. They stopped along the esplanade at the beach to have a cigarette when a group of about 15 girls and 1 guy started on them. One girl dragged one of the men out of the car trying to steal the car keys whilst punching him and spitting on him, whilst another girl dragged the other guy away spitting on him, punching him and all sorts. The rest of the girls were standing by watching.
Load More Replies... What an abhorrent thing to say. You are no better than the women who claim all men are abusers, rapists etc. How about you be the bigger and better person if this is retaliation in regards to the man hating world some of society has become. Although attitudes like yours don’t help the cause. I was trying to shed light on the struggles men face when it comes to abuse and mental health and you have to go and make a comment like that. As a woman trying to stand up for men’s rights I am disgusted.
Load More Replies...
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