Woman Is Sick Of Having To Watch Her Cousins’ Children At Thanksgiving Gatherings, Decides To Spend It At Her Boyfriend’s
Parents always say they love children and even judge other adults who chose not to have them, but at the same time, they will take the first opportunity to make them somebody else’s problem. On top of that, if someone refuses to take care of them, they will guilt trip that person by saying that parents need a break too.
This woman has had enough as she always becomes the designated babysitter at every family gathering. She knows that it will happen this Thanksgiving again, and at 22 years old, she doesn’t want to be sat at the kids’ table anymore, so she is thinking of skipping the family festivities altogether.
More info: Reddit
22 Y.O. is sick and tired of being the family’s babysitter but her mom is against her spending Thanksgiving with her boyfriend
Image credits: ArbasKhanYousufzai (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) starts by saying that she was an unplanned child so she is the youngest in the family, meaning all the other cousins have their own families with kids. So when the family gathers during the holidays at her aunt’s house, she is sent to the kids’ playroom and is indirectly put on babysitting duty.
The parents know that OP is there with their children in the room, so when someone starts crying or fighting, they know they don’t have to go there and make sure their kids are safe.
Not only is the OP stuck babysitting the children all the time, but she also has to sit at the kids’ table when she is 22 years old. The woman isn’t looking forward to Thanksgiving because she knows it will be another chore and no complaining will convince her mom to release her from this burden.
Actually, her mom’s response really bugged people in the comments, because she said that it shouldn’t be a big deal for OP to look after the children and added that the parents need the day off. They suggested making the mom babysit the kids to see if she would like to spend the holidays like that.
The woman is the youngest of the cousins, so they all have kids and because “they need a day off,” she becomes their babysitter against her will
Image credits: u/tgbs22
The woman is now considering spending Thanksgiving with her boyfriend’s family as they already invited her, but when she told her mom about her plans, she got really upset. The mom interpreted it as her daughter abandoning her family on a day when they are supposed to be together.
However, people in the comments were supporting the OP and found it pretty weird that she had to sit at the kids’ table as usually, not even teenagers sit there. They believed that the woman should go and have a good time with her boyfriend’s family.
Not only that, but she is also made to sit at the kids table
Image credits: u/tgbs22
Image credits: Kelly Verdeck (not the actual image)
If the boyfriend’s parents felt that they would like their potential daughter-in-law to join them for a family holiday, we can assume that the relationship is promising and it would be not only an opportunity to avoid being forced to babysit, but to bond with your future-in-laws, which is also important, but the mom also failed to acknowledge that.
Some couples may decide to spend the holidays separately, each with their own families. Matt Lundquist, LCSW, a psychotherapist and couples’ therapist, comments on it saying that there are people who don’t find the holidays that meaningful for their relationship, but he thinks that having holiday traditions does strengthen it.
When the woman complained about it to her mom, she wasn’t taken seriously and is thinking of accepting her boyfriend’s parents’ invitation
Image credits: u/tgbs22
Thanksgiving and Christmas are the biggest family holidays in the US and most often couples decide to spend them together with someone’s family or gather both of the families together for a huge celebration. It seems that this is not an option for the OP yet, so such conflicts between her and her mom can keep happening in the future as well.
It’s not only them who have these arguments, as The Knot says, “it can be challenging to figure out what works best for all parties involved. Deciding where to spend the holidays can get downright complicated, to say the least. Of course, you both want to see your loved ones, and they want to see you, and neither family wants the other set of in-laws to monopolize all your time.”
However, the woman’s mom didn’t want to hear any of it
Image credits: OakleyOriginal (not the actual image)
But this time the decision is influenced by the dread of having to babysit when the OP expressed that she doesn’t like it. Do you think that the woman should ignore her mom’s wishes and spend Thanksgiving with her boyfriend? Do you think the family would actually miss her when she never spends time with them anyway as she is always looking after the kids? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
People in the comments were encouraging the woman to go for it as she is no longer a kid whose opinion can be disregarded like that
"It'll break her heart not to have her there". What? If the OP was spending all her time looking after the kids, stuck in the playroom with the kids, then at the kid's table... what time would she be spending around her mother, or the rest of the family? BS. Total BS. Mom is just unhappy that they've lost their unpaid babysitter.
Is a poor way to show the kids how a gathering should take place. This is not a good example to set and is telling that there wasn't any proper planning beforehand and they figured let the youngest adult be the babysitter instead of the parents of those kids taking care of them. Shame on them. This is going to affect their relationship with that cousin greatly and make a worse mess in future years.
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In a roundabout way, this reminds me of holidays with my ex. We were together for 8 years and he spent one thanksgiving with my family. Nothing outrageous happened, we just had a nice holiday at my parents house. We agreed to alternate holidays with our respective families, but it didn't happen that way. He ended up spending every following holiday with his family (sometimes I would go, too, because I liked his family), and basically ditched my family for 7 years in a row. He would always hide behind the excuse of having to see what his family had planned first, as if he, a grown man, needed permission to stay with my family. He made his family look bad because he was so selfish around the holidays. I just wanted a few holidays spent with both him and my family at the same time, but with him, it was impossible. As much as my family gets in my nerves, I love our holiday traditions and I wanted to share that with him more than once. Instead, my needs, as usual were last with him. NTA, OP
I can see why he is the ex. What a narcissistic a******. I hope you are doing well now. Sending you blessings.
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Either go with your boyfriend or, if that falls through, hit the gin early and tell them you're in no fit state to look after a goldfish, never mind all their kids.
No, you just wait until they got wasted and then just leave. If they don't want to watch their own children why should you?
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This is an opportunity for OP to learn that other people's feelings are not her problem. If her mom is sad, that's for mom to deal with, not OP. Also if OP decides to give her family another chance next year, setting some boundaries would be helpful. Say no to watching the kids, say no to sitting at the kids' table. Make a plan for what you can do if put in that situation.
If she goes the next year, take the boyfriend. See if they both get put at the kid's table. Plus it'll look like they are just taking turns on where they have Thanksgiving. If she still gets treated poorly then I guess it's the boyfriend's family for Thanksgiving from then on.
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I'm 30 y/o and as a kid in the late 90's early 2000's kid's tables weren't a thing either. They existed sparsely, and the more I heard about them as I got older the more I realized why they exist now versus then. Kid's tables exist generally for families with kid's who have no discipline, and for parents who don't set proper boundaries where kid's end up running the household, either to a minor or major degree. Living overseas and seeing how the children behave here during their countries holiday's further cemented this for me.
I’m a 38 y/o, and thus a kid in Denmark in late 80ies and the 90ies. And in Denmark a kids’ table (at least in my family) was the norm, mostly due to practical reasons. The appr. 15-20 adults filled up the “real” dining table, and us kids was seated at the coffe table. Worked really great, and as we got older and desired more conversation we got “promoted” to the adults’ table without issue 😊 We always had awesome holidays at my grandparents house. They were amazing with us kids
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Oh no, her mom will have to contribute something instead of being the one who provided the sitter
When it came to our family gatherings, we'd do a turns. This year, my sister watches them, next year me, next year my SIL. But no one has to do it every year. Maybe a suggestion?
NTA. By 22 I was already married with 2 kids and throwing Thanksgiving. I absolutely can't imagine treating a 22 year old like that. You're an adult, assert yourself and go to your boyfriend's family's celebration. If they want a babysitter they can bloody pay one.
At 22 years old, she’s old enough to make her own choices in life. And learn to set boundaries.
I truly hope you listen to everyone and go to your boyfriends. You deserve to enjoy the day too. Best of luck sweetie!
I use to get treated the same way the one event I got there I was told kid duty I walked over to var made a mix drink and said they are family but not my kids and I did not force there parents to have them I am a adult and not baby sitter for holidays and if they really think that it is my job they was wrong I was chewed out and was told I was wrong cause there parents needed time to visit family and relax like I did not work two jobs already drive 4 hrs to get there to be told baby sitter time nope I said then replied if that is how you see me at 27 yrs old well it was nice seeing for these few mins or maybe and hour or two then I said by if you think I am baby sitting I walked out door drive home after that I did not attend anymore holidays for a few years I called said hello and stuff and I stayed home ate alone watched football and had a good time family events is not like they was when I was young so I don't blame the girl and the mom well she and the other parents are so wrong
I've never left a comment on someone's post before but today, after reading this, is the day. I'm sure there's more to the story and I'm not sure if you have to spend the entire day with the children or you get to help out with the other adults that are cooking and setting the table and so forth but to not be able to sit at the table with adults at 22 years old is a detriment to your personality development. If your family is not including you at the dinner table in their adult family traditions this can cause a souring of the entire holiday. I'm assuming this might go on at the Christmas dinner table or other holiday dinners, as well? I'm realizing it must be very sad to not be valued as the young adult that you have become. Therefore, my suggestion would be to go to the home of your boyfriend and learn to enjoy your Thanksgiving or other holiday dinners with adult conversation, acceptance of you as an adult, and surrounded by respect.
To this day, I (36nb) prefer to hang out with the kids at gatherings. I have my own kid (12) but the kids are more fun than the adults who basically just brag about said kids. My kid is also clearly the most awesome of the bunch, and it's pretty obvious, so I don't need to brag. If people want to know how great he is, they can get to know him like I do their kids, who are also great, but not usually in the dumb ways their parents brag about. Little Sally won a baby beauty pageant? She's barely 2 idc and neither does she. But she can burp the entire ABCs including the words at the end? Obviously far more impressive, and something she's demonstrating real pride in. I remember being 22ish and wanting to be included with the adults before realizing that the adults are mostly super boring. Now I either avoid the family gatherings by hiding out at my dad's place where we just watch movies and eat bacon and just tell everyone we had a fancy dinner, or I show up and hide amongst the children. This year I literally drove 800 miles to avoid the family Thanksgiving gathering. Told everyone my dad was doing something special. It was bacon. Bacon is special.
All this "break my heart" b******t is just to emotionally manipulate you. If it's not already the case, move out ASAP. Show up to the next family gathering, if they still use you as a babysitter, subtly motivate them to drink a bit more and faster. Once they're wasted, state you forgot to mention that you have an appointment and just leave.
That would be priceless. Also would get the point across very quickly.
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Hey MOM, why aren't you sad that your daughter has never had the chance to bond with her other cousins at the adult table because you have pressed her into service as the default nanny for YEARS? When you and dad and all of the aunts and uncles are gone, all she will have for family will be siblings and cousins, and she won't really KNOW her cousins because you SELFISHLY have kept them apart every holiday. HIRE a sitter and APOLOGIZE to your daughter!
See I'm petty as f*ck- if they sit around getting drunk, and you're now 22- why don't you just join in on the drinking- BYO alcohol even- just to make the point that hey, they shouldn't just expect to be able to rely on you for free babysitting- it's YOUR thanksgiving too!- with any luck they'll stop relying on you pretty damn quick!
Nope. You she 22 years old and an adult. She deserves to be treated and respected has an adult. That is the problem with families sometimes. They see the youngest adult relative and still a child. She did the absolute right thing. Maybe now the family will learn.
It's simple. If you don't want to be given a responsibility again, do it very badly.
Bring blunt scissors and let the kiddies cut each other’s hair. And don’t forget Sharpies to decorate their clothes, the furniture and walls. These would make great Christmas photos for generations.
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Just the fact OP referred to herself as “accident/MISTAKE” says a ton about how her family has treated her since she was born…sounds like a lifetime of gaslighting, guilt tripping, and emotional blackmail. I hope OP is strong enough to set boundaries and cut her family off if they don’t respect those boundaries 🤷🏻♀️
Time to start your adult life having thanksgiving with your boyfriends family. If all goes well you might be starting your adult life with future husband. 😁 and if not at least you get to sit at the grown ups table. Yeah we had the kids table too but it was specifically for little ones and anyone that didn't want to sit with the kids didn't have to. Ours was so the kids could jabber about games and stuff and could be themselves. No real rules of educate or quietness blah blah blah. And we were not sent to a play room. Some teens wanted their own table too so they got it. But anyone who wanted sat at the grownup table. It was simply just not really enough room for everyone at one. With my wife's family its two tables and grave your plate sit wherever because its simply people milling around with a plate of food from appetizers to desert. Food is constant they are Italian and if you are a friend or family you show up your fed. People stop by all day. Christmas is the same.
Some will always try to shame you because you are tired of being used. And if the parents need time off then p**n the kids off on the people who think you should be happy to do It and see how many times they want to do it. That would never work for me. I loved my mom but would never let anyone use me like that.
Your mom is really laying on the guilt trip. I would go to your bf this year for sure. Let them watch their own kids this Thanksgiving
NTA Your whole family is TA! Not only your mom, but apparently the whole family dumps babysitting on you in the playroom! They even fail in giving you any kind of gratuity for the "free" babysitting. I grew up at the Thanksgiving kids' table. My older cousins watched over my sister and I. We had a big family (20+ ppl). Three tables were used every year, all in the same room. Ten ppl at the old ppl table, the grands plus their children and spouses. Kids were scattered at the two other tables. Please God, go spend time with your bf's family! It would your soul and mental health all the good in the world!
Nope couldn't be me I didn't make them so why would I watch them? If they want her to watch them then they can pay her period!!!!! Once she turned 18 she was an adult
Your mom is the reason adult children end up going NC with their families.
My family had a kids table... It was everything from us all sitting on the trampoline to eat to a separate table. But it wasn't forced on us we just liked being able to talk and visit with the cousins instead of just the adults. As we grew up everyone including my youngest cousin got moved to the adult table, because you don't leave someone by themselves. But we still do gravitate to grandkids and then parents slightly separately because that's who we talk to.
Oh and also NTA because it shouldn't be forced on you, it's still on the parents to look after them.
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Go around to your neighbors with children, and ask what the going rates for babysitting are. Then announce to the family, "If you want me to look after your kids, my babysitting rates are $X/child per hour. It's either THAT or I'm spending Thanksgiving with (insert boyfriend's name here). Your choice."
I'm a teacher and family do this all the time. Just because I love your babies and I'm trained doesn't mean that I want to look after your kids all of Xmas or holidays while you get drunk. Sorry not sorry
What you should have done was NOT told your mother, and planned to stay for just a bit. Imagine 'arriving', while your boyfriend parks the car -- when he enters, the 'evaporating babysitter' would have been priceless. AND, they would have to pretend they were happy you there just because they missed you, or come clean!
Why are you talking to your mom? She's not the host. She's not the parent of the little kids. You're an adult and old enough to handle conflict yourself. You've created this situation with lack of boundaries and lack of skillset to communicate. It's time to grow up some and deal with conflict with the right people in advance.
Who the f*ck made you the "de facto" child minder? And why don't you have the balls to just say no?
Who did? The lazy a$$, drunkards who are her family did. As to having the balls to tell them to FO? Depends on her financial situation. We don't know if she's in college, working, or stuck at home due to other reasons. If she is still at home, it's altogether possible that they'll threaten to throw her out if she shows independence. She stated that she was her parent's 'mistake' (You're no mistake, OP~~your family are a bunch of selfish AH's!!), so she's certainly felt this way far more than once a year.
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Listen op is 22. What is she really complaining about? Just tell them you're over 21 and gonna drink n party with them. They can find themselves own babysitter... Sit eith your mum at God grownup table. And act grown up...and make adult conversations...shock them. Cos you too one day gonna have kids I hope... Don't be a party pooper. Have fun. Family is important. It's all up to you girl. Don't now think of running away to your boyfriend. Bring him over to ghe party...join in if you're serious. Youl see how
"It'll break her heart not to have her there". What? If the OP was spending all her time looking after the kids, stuck in the playroom with the kids, then at the kid's table... what time would she be spending around her mother, or the rest of the family? BS. Total BS. Mom is just unhappy that they've lost their unpaid babysitter.
Is a poor way to show the kids how a gathering should take place. This is not a good example to set and is telling that there wasn't any proper planning beforehand and they figured let the youngest adult be the babysitter instead of the parents of those kids taking care of them. Shame on them. This is going to affect their relationship with that cousin greatly and make a worse mess in future years.
Load More Replies... In a roundabout way, this reminds me of holidays with my ex. We were together for 8 years and he spent one thanksgiving with my family. Nothing outrageous happened, we just had a nice holiday at my parents house. We agreed to alternate holidays with our respective families, but it didn't happen that way. He ended up spending every following holiday with his family (sometimes I would go, too, because I liked his family), and basically ditched my family for 7 years in a row. He would always hide behind the excuse of having to see what his family had planned first, as if he, a grown man, needed permission to stay with my family. He made his family look bad because he was so selfish around the holidays. I just wanted a few holidays spent with both him and my family at the same time, but with him, it was impossible. As much as my family gets in my nerves, I love our holiday traditions and I wanted to share that with him more than once. Instead, my needs, as usual were last with him. NTA, OP
I can see why he is the ex. What a narcissistic a******. I hope you are doing well now. Sending you blessings.
Load More Replies... Either go with your boyfriend or, if that falls through, hit the gin early and tell them you're in no fit state to look after a goldfish, never mind all their kids.
No, you just wait until they got wasted and then just leave. If they don't want to watch their own children why should you?
Load More Replies... This is an opportunity for OP to learn that other people's feelings are not her problem. If her mom is sad, that's for mom to deal with, not OP. Also if OP decides to give her family another chance next year, setting some boundaries would be helpful. Say no to watching the kids, say no to sitting at the kids' table. Make a plan for what you can do if put in that situation.
If she goes the next year, take the boyfriend. See if they both get put at the kid's table. Plus it'll look like they are just taking turns on where they have Thanksgiving. If she still gets treated poorly then I guess it's the boyfriend's family for Thanksgiving from then on.
Load More Replies... I'm 30 y/o and as a kid in the late 90's early 2000's kid's tables weren't a thing either. They existed sparsely, and the more I heard about them as I got older the more I realized why they exist now versus then. Kid's tables exist generally for families with kid's who have no discipline, and for parents who don't set proper boundaries where kid's end up running the household, either to a minor or major degree. Living overseas and seeing how the children behave here during their countries holiday's further cemented this for me.
I’m a 38 y/o, and thus a kid in Denmark in late 80ies and the 90ies. And in Denmark a kids’ table (at least in my family) was the norm, mostly due to practical reasons. The appr. 15-20 adults filled up the “real” dining table, and us kids was seated at the coffe table. Worked really great, and as we got older and desired more conversation we got “promoted” to the adults’ table without issue 😊 We always had awesome holidays at my grandparents house. They were amazing with us kids
Load More Replies... Oh no, her mom will have to contribute something instead of being the one who provided the sitter
When it came to our family gatherings, we'd do a turns. This year, my sister watches them, next year me, next year my SIL. But no one has to do it every year. Maybe a suggestion?
NTA. By 22 I was already married with 2 kids and throwing Thanksgiving. I absolutely can't imagine treating a 22 year old like that. You're an adult, assert yourself and go to your boyfriend's family's celebration. If they want a babysitter they can bloody pay one.
At 22 years old, she’s old enough to make her own choices in life. And learn to set boundaries.
I truly hope you listen to everyone and go to your boyfriends. You deserve to enjoy the day too. Best of luck sweetie!
I use to get treated the same way the one event I got there I was told kid duty I walked over to var made a mix drink and said they are family but not my kids and I did not force there parents to have them I am a adult and not baby sitter for holidays and if they really think that it is my job they was wrong I was chewed out and was told I was wrong cause there parents needed time to visit family and relax like I did not work two jobs already drive 4 hrs to get there to be told baby sitter time nope I said then replied if that is how you see me at 27 yrs old well it was nice seeing for these few mins or maybe and hour or two then I said by if you think I am baby sitting I walked out door drive home after that I did not attend anymore holidays for a few years I called said hello and stuff and I stayed home ate alone watched football and had a good time family events is not like they was when I was young so I don't blame the girl and the mom well she and the other parents are so wrong
I've never left a comment on someone's post before but today, after reading this, is the day. I'm sure there's more to the story and I'm not sure if you have to spend the entire day with the children or you get to help out with the other adults that are cooking and setting the table and so forth but to not be able to sit at the table with adults at 22 years old is a detriment to your personality development. If your family is not including you at the dinner table in their adult family traditions this can cause a souring of the entire holiday. I'm assuming this might go on at the Christmas dinner table or other holiday dinners, as well? I'm realizing it must be very sad to not be valued as the young adult that you have become. Therefore, my suggestion would be to go to the home of your boyfriend and learn to enjoy your Thanksgiving or other holiday dinners with adult conversation, acceptance of you as an adult, and surrounded by respect.
To this day, I (36nb) prefer to hang out with the kids at gatherings. I have my own kid (12) but the kids are more fun than the adults who basically just brag about said kids. My kid is also clearly the most awesome of the bunch, and it's pretty obvious, so I don't need to brag. If people want to know how great he is, they can get to know him like I do their kids, who are also great, but not usually in the dumb ways their parents brag about. Little Sally won a baby beauty pageant? She's barely 2 idc and neither does she. But she can burp the entire ABCs including the words at the end? Obviously far more impressive, and something she's demonstrating real pride in. I remember being 22ish and wanting to be included with the adults before realizing that the adults are mostly super boring. Now I either avoid the family gatherings by hiding out at my dad's place where we just watch movies and eat bacon and just tell everyone we had a fancy dinner, or I show up and hide amongst the children. This year I literally drove 800 miles to avoid the family Thanksgiving gathering. Told everyone my dad was doing something special. It was bacon. Bacon is special.
All this "break my heart" b******t is just to emotionally manipulate you. If it's not already the case, move out ASAP. Show up to the next family gathering, if they still use you as a babysitter, subtly motivate them to drink a bit more and faster. Once they're wasted, state you forgot to mention that you have an appointment and just leave.
That would be priceless. Also would get the point across very quickly.
Load More Replies... Hey MOM, why aren't you sad that your daughter has never had the chance to bond with her other cousins at the adult table because you have pressed her into service as the default nanny for YEARS? When you and dad and all of the aunts and uncles are gone, all she will have for family will be siblings and cousins, and she won't really KNOW her cousins because you SELFISHLY have kept them apart every holiday. HIRE a sitter and APOLOGIZE to your daughter!
See I'm petty as f*ck- if they sit around getting drunk, and you're now 22- why don't you just join in on the drinking- BYO alcohol even- just to make the point that hey, they shouldn't just expect to be able to rely on you for free babysitting- it's YOUR thanksgiving too!- with any luck they'll stop relying on you pretty damn quick!
Nope. You she 22 years old and an adult. She deserves to be treated and respected has an adult. That is the problem with families sometimes. They see the youngest adult relative and still a child. She did the absolute right thing. Maybe now the family will learn.
It's simple. If you don't want to be given a responsibility again, do it very badly.
Bring blunt scissors and let the kiddies cut each other’s hair. And don’t forget Sharpies to decorate their clothes, the furniture and walls. These would make great Christmas photos for generations.
Load More Replies... Just the fact OP referred to herself as “accident/MISTAKE” says a ton about how her family has treated her since she was born…sounds like a lifetime of gaslighting, guilt tripping, and emotional blackmail. I hope OP is strong enough to set boundaries and cut her family off if they don’t respect those boundaries 🤷🏻♀️
Time to start your adult life having thanksgiving with your boyfriends family. If all goes well you might be starting your adult life with future husband. 😁 and if not at least you get to sit at the grown ups table. Yeah we had the kids table too but it was specifically for little ones and anyone that didn't want to sit with the kids didn't have to. Ours was so the kids could jabber about games and stuff and could be themselves. No real rules of educate or quietness blah blah blah. And we were not sent to a play room. Some teens wanted their own table too so they got it. But anyone who wanted sat at the grownup table. It was simply just not really enough room for everyone at one. With my wife's family its two tables and grave your plate sit wherever because its simply people milling around with a plate of food from appetizers to desert. Food is constant they are Italian and if you are a friend or family you show up your fed. People stop by all day. Christmas is the same.
Some will always try to shame you because you are tired of being used. And if the parents need time off then p**n the kids off on the people who think you should be happy to do It and see how many times they want to do it. That would never work for me. I loved my mom but would never let anyone use me like that.
Your mom is really laying on the guilt trip. I would go to your bf this year for sure. Let them watch their own kids this Thanksgiving
NTA Your whole family is TA! Not only your mom, but apparently the whole family dumps babysitting on you in the playroom! They even fail in giving you any kind of gratuity for the "free" babysitting. I grew up at the Thanksgiving kids' table. My older cousins watched over my sister and I. We had a big family (20+ ppl). Three tables were used every year, all in the same room. Ten ppl at the old ppl table, the grands plus their children and spouses. Kids were scattered at the two other tables. Please God, go spend time with your bf's family! It would your soul and mental health all the good in the world!
Nope couldn't be me I didn't make them so why would I watch them? If they want her to watch them then they can pay her period!!!!! Once she turned 18 she was an adult
Your mom is the reason adult children end up going NC with their families.
My family had a kids table... It was everything from us all sitting on the trampoline to eat to a separate table. But it wasn't forced on us we just liked being able to talk and visit with the cousins instead of just the adults. As we grew up everyone including my youngest cousin got moved to the adult table, because you don't leave someone by themselves. But we still do gravitate to grandkids and then parents slightly separately because that's who we talk to.
Oh and also NTA because it shouldn't be forced on you, it's still on the parents to look after them.
Load More Replies... Go around to your neighbors with children, and ask what the going rates for babysitting are. Then announce to the family, "If you want me to look after your kids, my babysitting rates are $X/child per hour. It's either THAT or I'm spending Thanksgiving with (insert boyfriend's name here). Your choice."
I'm a teacher and family do this all the time. Just because I love your babies and I'm trained doesn't mean that I want to look after your kids all of Xmas or holidays while you get drunk. Sorry not sorry
What you should have done was NOT told your mother, and planned to stay for just a bit. Imagine 'arriving', while your boyfriend parks the car -- when he enters, the 'evaporating babysitter' would have been priceless. AND, they would have to pretend they were happy you there just because they missed you, or come clean!
Why are you talking to your mom? She's not the host. She's not the parent of the little kids. You're an adult and old enough to handle conflict yourself. You've created this situation with lack of boundaries and lack of skillset to communicate. It's time to grow up some and deal with conflict with the right people in advance.
Who the f*ck made you the "de facto" child minder? And why don't you have the balls to just say no?
Who did? The lazy a$$, drunkards who are her family did. As to having the balls to tell them to FO? Depends on her financial situation. We don't know if she's in college, working, or stuck at home due to other reasons. If she is still at home, it's altogether possible that they'll threaten to throw her out if she shows independence. She stated that she was her parent's 'mistake' (You're no mistake, OP~~your family are a bunch of selfish AH's!!), so she's certainly felt this way far more than once a year.
Load More Replies... Listen op is 22. What is she really complaining about? Just tell them you're over 21 and gonna drink n party with them. They can find themselves own babysitter... Sit eith your mum at God grownup table. And act grown up...and make adult conversations...shock them. Cos you too one day gonna have kids I hope... Don't be a party pooper. Have fun. Family is important. It's all up to you girl. Don't now think of running away to your boyfriend. Bring him over to ghe party...join in if you're serious. Youl see how
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