We can get valuable insights from asking a trusted person for guidance. Someone who truly cares for us. Someone who wants us to be happier. But sometimes people throw advice at you when you didn't even ask for it. And nobody illustrates how ridiculous these "gurus" can be as vividly as the subreddit Thanks, I'm Cured. It has 202K members collecting pictures of overly simplistic solutions to highly complex problems that deserve only one response — an ironic "Thanks, I'm cured!" From mental illness to crippling debt, continue scrolling to learn how to overcome your biggest problems!
This post may include affiliate links.
Thanks For That
"I'm having an asthma attack, it's hard to breathe" - "There is plenty of air in this room for you to breathe" - "Thanks, silly me, why didn't I think of it before?"
According to Elizabeth Scott, a wellness coach specializing in stress management and quality of life, since it's difficult to know what to do with unsolicited advice, it helps to examine where the words might be coming from.
In an article reviewed by psychiatrist Carly Snyder, MD, Scott divides the sources of unsolicited advice into 3 categories: helpful motives, less-helpful motives, and very unhelpful motives.
Of Course!
I Mostly Browse In This Sub But I Saw This On My Fb Dash And Thought The Sub Might Appreciate It
Whether or not the advice you received fits with your values or specific situation, it generally feels good to get when you know it was crafted out of helpful motives.
"Often, people offer advice simply because they think they can help, and they want to make your life easier. Their motives are altruistic," Scott writes. "Perhaps there's something they think would work perfectly with your situation or personality, and they make suggestions on how to improve your life or reduce your stress, especially if you're talking to them about a problem."
How To Prosper:
All too accurate, yet a lot of people keep supporting and voting for the Greedy Old Perverts.
"I Have A Chronic Illness"
Cool
I’d never tell someone else to travel because I don’t know their situation, but I went travelling for a week at the New Year (thanks, Jacinda!) and it cleared my head so much that I’ve ended up making a lot of positive changes to my life this year. It’s one of those things where you have to be REALLY mindful of someone’s situation, but if you have the money, time and safety to do so, it can help.
Sometimes a stranger might offer unsolicited advice as a way to start a conversation. Or a friend gives advice to forge a stronger connection. Plus, friends assume they can help you by offering a solution, even if you didn't ask for one. This type of advice, Scott claims, is well-meaning and can often be helpful at times.
"Other times, unsolicited advice comes from those who have found something that works for them, and they want to share it with the world. They see your situation as a perfect fit for this piece of wisdom that’s made a positive impact on their life. They may share because they wish someone had told them about it sooner," the wellness coach says.
"It's also common for people who have faced the same challenges you're facing to offer solutions or advice, especially when it comes to things that have worked for them. As a result, they assume their solution will benefit you in the same way it did for them, and they cannot wait to share it with you."
Thanks, I'm Married Now
Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Come On Stock Market, Get It Together
Then there are the less-helpful motives. These tips might be relevant to your situation, but oftentimes they're not.
"Sometimes, people offer unsolicited advice out of their own neediness. While they may have a lot of knowledge in a certain area that pertains to your situation, their motivations for sharing are all wrong—they're not doing it for you, but for themselves," Scott explains.
Instead of being altruistic, they share advice to feel valued, powerful, and important.
Work Harder
Meditation Can Cure Anything And Everything
It’s Practically Tropical!
When you’re sharing your feelings and frustrations with a friend, they might be motivated to help you solve your problem because they view you as helpless. "If you're truly looking for help, great. But if you just wanted a supportive ear or a little validation, you may need to communicate that it's all you're looking for."
This scenario is quite understandable: a lot of us can't tell the difference between sharing and seeking advice, so we assume the latter.
But giving advice can also be a way of sending a message. "If you routinely share your problems and feelings with people as a way of venting, but take no steps toward solving your own dilemmas, your friends could be tired of hearing you complain," Scott says. "Even if they know that you just want to talk, they could offer advice as a way to get you to do something constructive rather than continually emoting."
But Not Before Asking You What You Have To Be Upset About!
Thought We’d All Appreciate This
This is a joke and as someone with panic attacks, I did snort a bit at this as I know what it would sound like.
The Dream Team
Well if I have to choose one gimme the last guy...I want to hear about Sherry.
Indeed! At least it opens the conversation up to the possibility of discussing the matter and maybe even some mutual support.
Load More Replies...
The top middle one seems the chillest, I'd hang out with them if I had to chose one
There's also scientific evidence to back him up - though when I had depression I would definitely not have wanted to hear about it.
Load More Replies...
Imagine talking to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM multiple times in an 8-10 hour day and sometimes, out of my control, becoming a heated "discussion" and be told wrong by being questioned, "what do you know?" I am an art therapist working in an acute mental health/behavioral health facility...
The last one is my choice. Spill the tea, Richard, I'm sad and looking for drama
For me, “it’s in your head” is technically correct. “Nothing is wrong,” however, isn’t. Childhood brain cancer(August 2013) and epilepsy(May 2020) have not been easy to deal with. And in about a month, I’ll have to balance those with college.
I always have taken great comfort in NOT being one of these people . . .
My mom is each one of these rolled into one. And I live with her. Good times.
The hell is Scentsy? Through context clues I figure it's an essential oil brand. But I haven't really heard of it. I buy essential oils because I like things that smell nice and sometimes a nice smell can lift my mood. But it's not magic. I view them more as a supplement, an addition to the anti depressant my PC provider prescribed. I'm sorry but I wish people would stop making fun of people who like essential oils. We're not all cult like.
I feel like the second one does have some merit to it, it works for me. Doesn't make me happy, but it can make me feel slightly less shitty sometimes
If you don't like the "wrong" responses to unloading your problems on others, don't do it. It's not universally fair to expect people to know what to say... They are just as complex as you and also have problems that deeply effect them.
Okay but seriously, sometimes the best way to stop being sad is to jus be sad for a while. Eventually it will get better.
Where's the person that says: "I'm sorry, wanna talk about it? or just sit here and binge watch Shameless while eating Ice Cream?" me... I'm that person.
I have just made a new rule now: never listen to Thorfin Wolfsbane.
Load More Replies...Finally, we have very unhelpful motives. This type of advice has more to do with the giver than with the receiver and can feel like a slap in the face. People who are motivated by this type of advice-giving could even be considered emotionally abusive.
"Some people—particularly those with narcissistic tendencies—need to be in the role of 'teacher' virtually all of the time," Scott writes. "Or perhaps they just like to hear themselves pontificate. Their advice is often long-winded and not always appropriate to your situation. Likewise, their advice tends to be more about them than you."
Speak Up
Lactose Intolerant
My thing with ice cream. Is being lactose intolerant to certain things a bad sign 😅 I just tolerate it bc I like ice cream
But I Hate Turmeric
Others share their 'wisdom' to appear as a "more knowledgeable person" in the relationship dynamic. And giving advice puts them in that position. If you find that someone in your life is always putting themselves in a position of authority over you, it might be worth it to take a closer look at the relationship.
"People may give unsolicited advice as a way to change you or your behaviors," Scott adds. "This advice can often feel like an insult more than a genuine attempt to help. In these situations, it's important to recognize this type of advice for what it is. Remember, a true friend wants to help you be the best you can be, but they also love you, warts and all."
Believe it or not, some people love conflict. They love hearing themselves argue and get a feeling of personal power from telling others how wrong they are. Such people, consciously or unconsciously, tend to give lots of advice as a way of bringing up topics to debate.
"The Doctor's Said They've Never Seen A Body Kill The Coronavirus Like My Body"
Adhd Is Just Boys Being Boys
Tried looking it up online so now I know it's meaning in 20 languages, know how to spell it backwards in each of them, have made three paintings with a 'self control' theme and lost 4 hours of my time. Thanks
My Chemical Imbalance Is Cured!
The "make new friends" bit is the cringy part. But in general, if you are depressed, you SHOULD talk to people - professional and medically qualified people who can get you the treatment you need. Unfortunately, this treatment costs money, which is why so many people default to "have you tried not being depressed" as a solution, because at least that won't land you in medical debt.
Didn't Even Think Of That Before
"Colic Won't Last Forever"
I feel this one. I had such bad anxiety after my daughter was born I couldn't eat sleep felt like a deer in headlights. She had some medical issues nothing serious but it caused her to not sleep for 17 hrs straight sometimes. It's a very lonely feeling too. No one would listen or they would say oh you're a new mom it gets better. Finally when she turned 10 I found a doctor and a therapist that listened and believed me.
Of Course! Why Didn't I Think Of That!?
An Outlet
Why Didn’t I Think Of That?
This
I Know It’s Ironic But I Just Had To Post This Because It Fits
Sorry If You’ve Seen It Before. Friend Posted On Fb. I Lol’d
I hate the work "Okay" when dealing with an intimate who has depression. It's the best word I have that I know to use, but it's SO inadequate.
Toxic Masculinity
Thanks
"I'm just preparing you for your future career. Do you think your boss will care if you already have 16 orders today when he gives you 16 more? "
Paging “Doctor” Mom
I Dont Know What To Put Here
And this is why I haven’t told anyone except one of my sisters about my social anxiety IRL.
Hakuna Matata. Shrug
This has always been my favorite movie. Sadly this is pretty much spot on.
What Others Think That Happens When They Tell You To Focus:
I Forgot That I Could Run
I Didn’t Realize It Was So Easy. Spread The News!
So That's How You Get Rid Of Mental Breakdowns
Note: this post originally had 115 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.
Do you suffer from erectile dysfunction? Have you tried looking at boobs?
Eat some kale, drouse it in essential oils and just focus. You have to really want it. Just will it to come up. Also take some b12! /s
Load More Replies...
It's a simple thing to 'be there' for some one going through depression. Ask if they are looking for suggestions to help them feel better and if they say no just spend time hanging with them, even though they are being a downer. I love and treasure the people who will spend time with me in my misery and supply me a non-judgmental distraction to my misery. That is a true friend who will do that for some one suffering from depression. It might tale some sacrifice on your part but is it too much to ask?
This is why no one really knows how serious my anxiety is or how close I am to actually being depressed!
I have an ileostomy bag because I had to get my large colon removed. An ostomy is basically an opening in you abdomen where a piece of my small colon peeps out. Over this the ostomy bag is placed to collect the output. I actually had someone tell me that the ostomy bag was just the lazy option to choose. I should just control myself and "relearn/potty train" myself so I wouldn't need the bag anymore. When I tried to explain that there is no muscle to "train" and that there is no way for me to hold it in. (Hence the bag) she told me off, telling me to learn my facts. I don't mind explaining to people what an ostomy is and does, and how it works. I do get cranky when I first have to explain it and then being told I'm wrong.
Then there's the blaming ones, "you seem negative, maybe you manifested this yourself. Be more positive" - like, wow, thanks, this is my fault and I'll think positive. That will cure the thing.
I think there is a double edged sword to mental health in that if it's self-diagnosed, it could easily be "you're just a bit sad, go get some fresh air", or a case of developing some resilience when faced with disappointments and setbacks. What happens though, is that there are people who are properly and medically diagnosed who then get lumped in with these others so get given the same non-advice by well-meaning if not any more educated friends and family. If you seek help (and there are plenty of free resources as well as the paid for professional treatment options) then you don't deserve the crap that is posted on FB and other social media. If you've stayed up late on the internet and decided you're not lazy, you're depressed based on nothing more than feeling a bit sad, you need to get over yourself and stop posting for sympathy on FB - you are part of the problem. /Rant
Self-diagnosis doesn't mean it's not real. I had to diagnose myself at 16, when I already had depression for four years and didn't get help until I was 20 because of the home I lived in. Don't ever invalidate someone just because they diagnosed themselves. Yes, people who use the term depression for a simple emotion are causing a problem. But these awful and harmful pieces of advice are given to people who have actual mental illness. People who have not suffered from mental illness should not be speaking about it like they know how it works.
Load More Replies...
John C, are you serious about refusing to offer emotional support to someone because some folks in the comments section disagreed with you? If that was sarcasm, it's an understandable reaction. If it's a vow, I hope you'll break it - you're obviously intelligent and have a moral compass. I go through periods of not engaging online because arguments with strangers can be pretty frustrating.
Load More Replies...
Do you suffer from erectile dysfunction? Have you tried looking at boobs?
Eat some kale, drouse it in essential oils and just focus. You have to really want it. Just will it to come up. Also take some b12! /s
Load More Replies... It's a simple thing to 'be there' for some one going through depression. Ask if they are looking for suggestions to help them feel better and if they say no just spend time hanging with them, even though they are being a downer. I love and treasure the people who will spend time with me in my misery and supply me a non-judgmental distraction to my misery. That is a true friend who will do that for some one suffering from depression. It might tale some sacrifice on your part but is it too much to ask?
This is why no one really knows how serious my anxiety is or how close I am to actually being depressed!
I have an ileostomy bag because I had to get my large colon removed. An ostomy is basically an opening in you abdomen where a piece of my small colon peeps out. Over this the ostomy bag is placed to collect the output. I actually had someone tell me that the ostomy bag was just the lazy option to choose. I should just control myself and "relearn/potty train" myself so I wouldn't need the bag anymore. When I tried to explain that there is no muscle to "train" and that there is no way for me to hold it in. (Hence the bag) she told me off, telling me to learn my facts. I don't mind explaining to people what an ostomy is and does, and how it works. I do get cranky when I first have to explain it and then being told I'm wrong.
Then there's the blaming ones, "you seem negative, maybe you manifested this yourself. Be more positive" - like, wow, thanks, this is my fault and I'll think positive. That will cure the thing.
I think there is a double edged sword to mental health in that if it's self-diagnosed, it could easily be "you're just a bit sad, go get some fresh air", or a case of developing some resilience when faced with disappointments and setbacks. What happens though, is that there are people who are properly and medically diagnosed who then get lumped in with these others so get given the same non-advice by well-meaning if not any more educated friends and family. If you seek help (and there are plenty of free resources as well as the paid for professional treatment options) then you don't deserve the crap that is posted on FB and other social media. If you've stayed up late on the internet and decided you're not lazy, you're depressed based on nothing more than feeling a bit sad, you need to get over yourself and stop posting for sympathy on FB - you are part of the problem. /Rant
Self-diagnosis doesn't mean it's not real. I had to diagnose myself at 16, when I already had depression for four years and didn't get help until I was 20 because of the home I lived in. Don't ever invalidate someone just because they diagnosed themselves. Yes, people who use the term depression for a simple emotion are causing a problem. But these awful and harmful pieces of advice are given to people who have actual mental illness. People who have not suffered from mental illness should not be speaking about it like they know how it works.
Load More Replies... John C, are you serious about refusing to offer emotional support to someone because some folks in the comments section disagreed with you? If that was sarcasm, it's an understandable reaction. If it's a vow, I hope you'll break it - you're obviously intelligent and have a moral compass. I go through periods of not engaging online because arguments with strangers can be pretty frustrating.
Load More Replies...