Mom Doesn’t Want Her 16 Y.O. Daughter To Drink And Smoke, But Dad Allows Her Because She’s Terminally Ill
Knowing that you don’t have much longer to live must be terrifying, especially when you are young and haven’t even started to live your life. There is so much that you want to see and experience, but there is not enough time because you thought that you had a whole life for it.
Although, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least try to do what you can. This dad on Reddit is of the same opinion as he didn’t argue with his daughter who wanted to try out alcohol and marijuana because she is terminally ill and won’t live to the age when it is legal for her and when she can make decisions for herself.
More info: Reddit
Dad found out that his 16-year-old daughter is drinking alcohol and is using marijuana and normally he would be upset, but his child is terminally ill
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) has a 16-year-old daughter and 3 months ago, they found out that she has late-stage brain cancer. The doctors didn’t have any hopes for her and actually told the parents that they would be surprised if she survived more than 6 months.
The parents still tried to find something that would help, but they couldn’t and their daughter knows it, which means she won’t grow up, go to college, buy a house and travel the world. She will miss out on so many things that you go through while getting older.
So the daughter did what she could and started drinking and smoking. Her mom actually found marijuana and alcohol in her room. The teenager didn’t try to avoid the question and explained that she won’t reach the age of 18; that’s why she wanted to try out what it’s like.
The dad was understanding, especially because he uses the substances himself, although he wouldn’t want his children following his example. However, his daughter is in a different situation and she isn’t taking any medication, as that was her decision, so it shouldn’t hurt her. But the mom was completely against it.
3 months ago the OP found out that his daughter has late-stage brain cancer and that she most probably doesn’t have more than 6 months to live
Image credits: Inevitable-Brush2686
In the end, the family decided that the girl can drink and smoke, but only under her dad’s supervision and the alcohol, cigarettes and the marijuana were safe. It was a compromise the wife was willing to settle on, but she still was not happy about her daughter using the substances and that is why the dad asked the internet if he was being a bad parent.
Redditors actually said that the dad was doing the right thing by letting her enjoy and try things that she wants to, seeing that she will die young. They also believed that those substances may be giving her comfort, although some of them understood that it is also hard for the mom to be losing her child and seeing her doing things a teenager normally would be punished for.
So when his wife found marijuana, a vape and vodka in her room, the OP wasn’t too upset about it as the daughter explained she wanted to try them before she died
Image credits: Inevitable-Brush2686
Finding out that you are dying soon may cause you to feel a lot of emotions. The American Cancer Society says that people often are afraid to die, or they may feel angry because it is unfair to leave this world earlier than normal. Guilt and regret are also quite common, or grieving for your own life.
The prospect of dying may sharpen your anxiety and depression, make you feel alone or, on the contrary, try to seek meaning in the short time that is left for you.
Beyond suggests that besides coping with all of those emotions, you should make the most of the time that is left for you and focus on the activities that bring you joy: “You may have always wanted to skydive, go on an around-the-world cruise, try a certain kind of cuisine, see the Northern Lights. Pick one or two reasonably realistic dreams that mean the most to you. There’s no emphasising this enough: you need to prioritise your time.”
The dad was not against it, but his wife kept saying that this was wrong, but eventually they agreed that the teen could drink and smoke under his supervision
Image credits: Inevitable-Brush2686
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Do you think it is worth it for a teenager to spend the precious time she has left to live drinking and smoking? Do you think it is an important experience to have? Would you allow your dying child to do whatever they want? What would you like to do in your last days before dying? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
People in the comments understood the mom, but thought that the dad was right in this situation as the teen won’t reach the age when she can live her own life
Image credits: Nenad Stojkovic (not the actual photo)
NTA. Also, the hospice nurse is 100% correct. Most people aren't aware of the vast range of services hospice provides. This was a huge help to my family when my father was dying. And when he did pass, I only had to call hospice; they took care of all the arrangements we had decided on previously.
Same. I also received calls from the grief counselor for about a year after. Wonderful people!
Load More Replies...
NTA!, If i (god forbid) was ever in that situation with my child,I'd let them go as wild and have as much fun as possible (obviously nothing to put her and others in danger).
A million miles away from TA. But do some other things too, bucket list stuff, whatever you can afford. Experiences for her, and memories for you (and her mother)
This is heartbreaking :( I say go wild and do everything you can (within reason) to give your girl the best experiences while you can. I am so sorry :(
I had cancer when I was 25 (Stage 2, Type A, Hodgkin Lymphoma in my upper left hilar). I didn't drink or smoke anything during that time as I was on so many medications, but almost every other person was recommending me to use hemp or oils for the pain. I would have used them for anxiety and pain at the time, but like I said, I was on so many different types of medicine, I didn't want to risk there being complications during chemotherapy. So, no, I don't think this guy is the AH. If a patient is going to pass, then I think, as someone who went through the rigmarole of chemo, then they should be able to indulge.
NTA. If anyone deserves a little chemical lift it's this poor kid.
NTA. Marijuana can be very beneficial. Not the alcohol so much though. Nicotine is downright harmful. LSD and magic mushrooms have really helped cancer patients. Wishing your family all good things, OP.
Whether adults like it or not, young people would always try the forbidden fruit. And sadly, the girl doesn t have enough time...
My sister’s BF was diagnosed with brain cancer and told he had less than 3 years despite the treatment he was getting. That was over 10 years ago and the cancer is in complete remission. His doctors have since told him that the cigarettes he has never given up will sooner or later end up killing him, not the the brain cancer. I thought I should mention that story.
NTA, but don't let her hide this from you. This is a time of openness, honesty and making the most opportunities for all those conversations that you won't have the chance for in the future. None of you want to say, I wish... Let her try (almost) anything with your family's blessing. Good luck to you all.
I've seen people die from chemo and cancer. Not the AH. He is 100% correct. I think maybe the mom hasn't quit accepted what is going on yet. My heart breaks for the family
NTA. May sound harsh, but things that only damage in longterm use are only harmful if there is a long term they could be used during in the first place, and this isn't. Whatever she likes, FFS, let her do it. But, I strongly agree to, regardless of circumstances, only reliable sources are to be used. Punishable ... why would she care? Should she, even, or should this just be left to her judgement...?
Definitely NTA. The poor girls has 6 months to enjoy what little time she has left. Let her BE herself. As long as she isn't harming anyone else, let her enjoy whatever she wants.
Horrible situation of course but I'm with dad, go and get some ecstasy as well, do some together under the stars. What a sad thing.
She should be able to do any thing she wants. The mother is probley jelious
That sucks. Like weed and drinking are the least of your problems. I would go experience as much as I could with her, travel the the most awesome spots, let her experience as much as possible.
Really hate all these made up Bored Panda stories. You can always tell they're fiction because they're so over the top. I'm quite surprised people get sucked in by them.
I’m going with the wife. If my child were to be taken from me due to “neglect” within any timeframe that she could succumb to cancer, I would lose my ever loving mind. Kids do DO drink and smoke, true, but if ok’d by a parent, even under their supervision, the child could be deemed neglected. Court and custody issues at a time of extreme emotional vulnerability needs a stronger lead.
You all look completely aware of the situation. The clock is clicking and you spend the precious time explaining what your wife does/does not like. An occassionately glass of wine, great for the story. If you are real, your kid is dying, don't you have another way to medialize it? (Yes, YATA.)
NTA. Also, the hospice nurse is 100% correct. Most people aren't aware of the vast range of services hospice provides. This was a huge help to my family when my father was dying. And when he did pass, I only had to call hospice; they took care of all the arrangements we had decided on previously.
Same. I also received calls from the grief counselor for about a year after. Wonderful people!
Load More Replies... NTA!, If i (god forbid) was ever in that situation with my child,I'd let them go as wild and have as much fun as possible (obviously nothing to put her and others in danger).
A million miles away from TA. But do some other things too, bucket list stuff, whatever you can afford. Experiences for her, and memories for you (and her mother)
This is heartbreaking :( I say go wild and do everything you can (within reason) to give your girl the best experiences while you can. I am so sorry :(
I had cancer when I was 25 (Stage 2, Type A, Hodgkin Lymphoma in my upper left hilar). I didn't drink or smoke anything during that time as I was on so many medications, but almost every other person was recommending me to use hemp or oils for the pain. I would have used them for anxiety and pain at the time, but like I said, I was on so many different types of medicine, I didn't want to risk there being complications during chemotherapy. So, no, I don't think this guy is the AH. If a patient is going to pass, then I think, as someone who went through the rigmarole of chemo, then they should be able to indulge.
NTA. If anyone deserves a little chemical lift it's this poor kid.
NTA. Marijuana can be very beneficial. Not the alcohol so much though. Nicotine is downright harmful. LSD and magic mushrooms have really helped cancer patients. Wishing your family all good things, OP.
Whether adults like it or not, young people would always try the forbidden fruit. And sadly, the girl doesn t have enough time...
My sister’s BF was diagnosed with brain cancer and told he had less than 3 years despite the treatment he was getting. That was over 10 years ago and the cancer is in complete remission. His doctors have since told him that the cigarettes he has never given up will sooner or later end up killing him, not the the brain cancer. I thought I should mention that story.
NTA, but don't let her hide this from you. This is a time of openness, honesty and making the most opportunities for all those conversations that you won't have the chance for in the future. None of you want to say, I wish... Let her try (almost) anything with your family's blessing. Good luck to you all.
I've seen people die from chemo and cancer. Not the AH. He is 100% correct. I think maybe the mom hasn't quit accepted what is going on yet. My heart breaks for the family
NTA. May sound harsh, but things that only damage in longterm use are only harmful if there is a long term they could be used during in the first place, and this isn't. Whatever she likes, FFS, let her do it. But, I strongly agree to, regardless of circumstances, only reliable sources are to be used. Punishable ... why would she care? Should she, even, or should this just be left to her judgement...?
Definitely NTA. The poor girls has 6 months to enjoy what little time she has left. Let her BE herself. As long as she isn't harming anyone else, let her enjoy whatever she wants.
Horrible situation of course but I'm with dad, go and get some ecstasy as well, do some together under the stars. What a sad thing.
She should be able to do any thing she wants. The mother is probley jelious
That sucks. Like weed and drinking are the least of your problems. I would go experience as much as I could with her, travel the the most awesome spots, let her experience as much as possible.
Really hate all these made up Bored Panda stories. You can always tell they're fiction because they're so over the top. I'm quite surprised people get sucked in by them.
I’m going with the wife. If my child were to be taken from me due to “neglect” within any timeframe that she could succumb to cancer, I would lose my ever loving mind. Kids do DO drink and smoke, true, but if ok’d by a parent, even under their supervision, the child could be deemed neglected. Court and custody issues at a time of extreme emotional vulnerability needs a stronger lead.
You all look completely aware of the situation. The clock is clicking and you spend the precious time explaining what your wife does/does not like. An occassionately glass of wine, great for the story. If you are real, your kid is dying, don't you have another way to medialize it? (Yes, YATA.)
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