Woman Moves Out The Night She Turns 18 Because She Can’t Stand Her Dad As She Realized Her Parents Divorced Because He Was So Mean To Her
When you are a child, not only do you not understand a lot, but you can’t make your own conclusions as people also tend to hide things from you. Parents may hide that they are struggling financially or that they are unhappy in their marriage and when you grow up, it’s hurtful to realize what was actually happening when you were younger.
A woman on Reddit came to a realization that her mom was really unhappy with her dad and regretted believing in his lies. So when her younger sister wanted to know what made her run away from home when she legally became an adult, the woman told her the truth, which shattered the image the younger girl had about her dad.
More info: Reddit
Woman is worried she shattered her younger sister’s reality by revealing the truth about their dad, but she was asked to tell the truth, so she did
Image credits: Jaroslav A.Polak (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) is now 23 years old, but her parents divorced when she was 10. What she remembers before that is her mom doing all the housework, being the strict parent and her dad saying mean things about his wife while taking on the role of the fun parent.
The dad was so convincing that the girl started to hate her mom. She didn’t understand at the time that he had told his buddy who was his wife’s boss to fire her, which left her homeless, causing her to lose custody of all three of her children, and she had to live with her sister in a different state as a result of the divorce. She just believed what her dad said and didn’t talk to her mom for years.
The OP’s parents divorced when she was 10 and her dad was always the fun parent while the mom was always the one doing the tough parenting
Image credits: u/pottedplanets-
However, the realization of what actually happened came when the tables turned and the OP got all the heat that her mom was getting, feeling hated by her dad. To confirm her speculations about what happened, the OP even went through her parents’ divorce papers and decided that as soon as she legally could, she would leave the house.
Now the OP is a happy mom herself, living in her own apartment and earning her own money. She also reconnected with her mom and in the comments, revealed that the mom is doing great. After the divorce, the woman got a degree and found a good-paying job that allowed her to purchase her own home.
It also seems that the mom doesn’t blame her kids for not wanting to talk to her all these years because she understands how manipulative her ex-husband was, although the OP still feels guilty sometimes and even goes to therapy to help herself and be the best parent to her own daughter.
She didn’t know how her dad mistreated her mom and caused her to lose her job, making her homeless and sleeping in her car
Image credits: u/pottedplanets-
Image credits: Andrew (not the actual photo)
The OP’s and her mom’s lives are in order and they got out of that hole, but because she left quite abruptly, her sister had questions, so she recently reached out, wanting to talk. The little sister wanted to know the real reason the OP left and insisted on knowing the truth after sensing her older sister was not telling her everything.
The woman told her little sister everything, but isn’t convinced she believed her. The OP talked about what happened with her mom, who said that it wasn’t fair to shatter the image of the dad being a hero to her.
But when he started to mistreat her as well, she connected all the dots and started to think about how she needed to escape the house as soon as she legally could
Image credits: u/pottedplanets-
The woman also explained in the comments what her dad has been telling her younger siblings about her sudden disappearance: “From what I understand, my dad told her and my younger brother that he and I had a disagreement about something and the whole thing was just a big misunderstanding, so she wasn’t really expecting my actual answer at all.”
Just like her mom didn’t blame her children, the OP doesn’t blame her younger sister for not wanting to believe the truth, because she remembers how her dad talked and how manipulative he could be, making it look like she was the unreasonable one and he was heartbroken he couldn’t save the family.
Now the OP lives a happy life and talks with her mom, who is doing great, but she left unanswered questions, so her younger sister wanted to know why she left
Image credits: u/pottedplanets-
Even if the little sister wasn’t too convinced in OP’s story, she probably left with some doubts in her head. Being lied to is never nice; finding out the truth years later feels like a betrayal and family secrets will surface sooner or later.
Psych Central explains that keeping secrets harms relationships and may make children feel anxious because even though they don’t know a lot about the world, they still can sense something serious is being hidden from them. They can grow resentful and never show trust in their family members.
It is also damaging because “Children learn about the world from the adults in their lives. When eventually told the truth, either by a parent, or even worse, by someone outside the family, their world may feel shattered. Secrets’ impact on children can be profound, regardless of their age.”
After some attempts to hide the truth, the older sister gave in and revealed what kind of person their dad really is, but the sister didn’t believe her
Image credits: u/pottedplanets-
French psychiatrist Serge Tisseron says that “No truth is therapeutic, but every secret is toxic. It’s a paradox you must learn to deal with. To heal, you simply need to accept that secrets are not so much an obstacle to truth that must be uncovered as to an honest family dialogue.”
So even though the truth is traumatic and, as the mom put it, “reality shattering,” it is better to know it and try to work through it. Redditors in the comments seemed to be of the same opinion and believed the OP did nothing wrong and her little sister, who is legally an adult, had the right to know how her father really is, what happened leading up to their parents’ divorce, as well as how the dad treated their mom afterward.
When the mom found out what the OP did, she didn’t think it was the best idea as in her eyes, the sister is still a child and her dad is her hero
Image credits: Photographer 192 (not the actual photo)
Do you think the OP should have continued lying to her sister? Do you agree that it’s better to know the heartbreaking truth and that staying in a reality based on lies is toxic? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
But people in the comments pointed out that the sister was 18 and deserved to know the truth, especially because she wanted to
Hey, don't ask for the truth if you can't handle the truth. The older sister did nothing wrong. I'm in a similar situation with my half-siblings, who can't accept that Mom was incredibly abusive to me. (It turns out that teenagers who are forced to carry pregnancies to term by anti-abortion laws can be very resentful. My mother didn't want me before she gave birth, and she didn't want me afterwards either.) My friends and husband are now my chosen family, and I love them to death.
Parents can be incredibly great with wanted children and terrible to the child that wasn't wanted. I was the last child of three, a "birth control failure" (as told by my mum). My older brothers got all the love and affection. I got criticism. The loved children only see a parent who loved them.
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my sister did the exact same thing. She left the min she turned 18. At midnight on the dot. Our father was not a good person. I don't Blame her for leaving she was older then me. I was so jealous that she got to leave. But then our dad kicked me out at 16. My sister took me in.
I would bet she knows some of the truth. She just doesn’t want to acknowledge it until she has to. This will change her entire life. Give her time.
Abuse needs to be exposed. The mother sounds very gracious. So glad both their lives are better.
I despise the term "your truth"... It isn't real. TRUTH is absolute.
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It’s definitely good that OP told her, although she may have initially denied it, she will likely come to terms with it eventually.
For much of my life, the prevailing thought has been to shield children from the truth about parents' relationship problems as much as possible. While I think this makes sense for younger children, teens and adult children should know the truth.
Kids on some level do know the truth, even if it's only through bits & pieces. Even if parents try to hide it or protect the children from it..they can feel tension, they may hear raised voices, see tears or worse. Parents, such a OP's father, are using their kids as pawns & it's a form of abuse. Lies & manipulation is playing dirty. Sabotaging your child's relationship with the other parent is so unhealthy for your offspring. I'm betting if the younger sister thinks about it & tries to add things up, the truth is there. Like if it was a disagreement or misunderstanding with the father...why did sister never reach out to her? What stories have the father given, I'm sure they were more elaborate than a "misunderstanding". The ball is in the younger sister's court. I have 6 older siblings, 2 are sister's. I have nothing to do with them & it had nothing to do with a misunderstanding. I also gave them more than 1 or 2 chances, but they still lie about our parents, family & even about me. N
Load More Replies... I feel that the mother’s reaction comes from fear for her younger daughter. She was abused by this man. She knows how terrible he can be. If younger daughter starts looking into that it could blow up on the daughter, and (in the small part of mother’s mind) on the mother. She got away. She doesn’t want angry, abusive ex husband coming back about this.
I understand why a mother would want to shield her child from heartbreak, but Mom is remembering the young girl that was taken from her. OP was speaking to the woman that girl is becoming. That woman deserves the truth, so that even if she chooses not to believe it, at least she had the opportunity. Sometimes when you speak to someone, especially a young person, your words don't reach them when you speak, but later, maybe years later, they will remember what you said and it will help them sort some things out.
NTA!! You didn't do anything wrong, the younger sister asked now that's she's 18, and you told her the truth. It's just like pouring salve into a wound: it stings for a bit, but then it heals. Sis has just been given the truth of why you left home, because of dad's abuse, and she's stung by it. It's only a matter of time before dad turns against sis, and she'll leave home as well. I'm glad that mom was able to rebuild her life after all that was done to her (she should sue her former employer for wrongful termination since it was due to her ex-husband's influence)!
NTA so I can relate to this a bit, my situation is a bit odd because my father was abusive, physically but my mother enabler and played the victim, a lot and mentally abusive ( pick your poison ) After the divorce we stayed with mother as didn't realize that she was mentally abusing. It honestly took years later before realized or wanted to realize the truth. Sometimes people just need to figure it out for themselves as you did.
My father was mean and physically abusive to my mother. He'd tell us lies about her too. My sisters and I never liked him, so we didn't believe him. He was popular with his peers and women. I remember a neighbor refusing to believe he hit any of us. My mother was his usual target and I got hit a few times too.
Deep down OP little sister knew the truth, which is why she insisted on the real reason, little sister was just hoping she was wrong. She may have gotten more details than she could handle. She will come around.
Sometimes the best thing to do is tell the truth. They may not like it but they need to hear it
Yes,she needed to be told the truth. I'm sick and tired of these men that control there wives and make them the Villian in there children lives. I'm one of those wives and I know how she feels. My daughter isn't even talking to me because of her dad. I stayed married to him for 32 years and he passed away in 2009. He doesn't have to face what he did I do. To top it off I have stage 2 cancer and she doesn't even care. So yes, they need to be told the whole truth.
This sounds scarily similar to how I grew up. However I have the satisfaction of saying that my adoptive father, after I cut contact with him completely, also saw many other women leave him (or at least call him out) over how he treated me; I like to think I started the trend. First he lost his oldest/favorite verbal and emotional punching bag (me), then his long-time live-in girlfriend (whom he'd gotten a house and an RV with), my aunt, and then finally my younger sister. And he had no one to blame but himself (but since he was a narcissist, naturally he would never accept fault).
little sis probably has a parent/child version of stockholm syndrome, not sure if that has a different term
After 5 years in marriage with my husband with 2 kids, my husband started acting weird and going out with other ladies and showed me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to divorce me if I dare question him about his affair with other ladies, I was totally devastated and confused until an old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet called DR EKPEN who help people with relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contact him, he helped me cast a love spell and within 48 hours my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with other ladies and his with me for good and for real. Contact this great love spell caster for your relationship or marriage problem to be solved today via: drekpenherbalisthome@gmail.com or directly WhatsApp: +2349096408855.... DR EKPEN.....
Nta. Be careful what you wish for. I shattered the image of my dad through rose colored glasses I had until I was 28. He enabled my mother's abuse towards me and nothing he does will ever change that. I feel like an idiot for hero worshipping him my entire life but that's the manipulation that gets you. I hope yall can get some help and recover from this, and shout out to your mom for rebuilding her life from the ground up for being dealt so dirty by this a*****e.
I think your sister already had reasons to suspect your father's "explanation" as to why you left. I suspect she is questioning many things. I think she was shocked at the truth because she already suspected something. I'm sure, like you, she will be doing a quiet investigation trying to verify the truth. I would send her a note stating, "I'm here for you anytime", and leave it at that. You have done the right thing.
Not at all! Your sister wanted to know the truth, and you gave it to her. Like they say, the truth hurts.
My mother and I have always had a strained relationship. She’s extremely needy and refuses to let go of the apron strings. She’s asked me the truth and I’ve told her. I finally got the courage to tell her things because I’ve found the truth is better, even if it cuts deep.
Oh my! Honey you're not the AH by any means. Your sperm donor is a narcissist and has gotten extremely good at manipulation and gas-lighting. You're younger siblings may or may not choose to believe what you told your younger sister. If they choose not to believe you, then that's on them. Perhaps someday they will come around to you and your mom or they may not. I would just drop them one note, then leave it lay. Tell them you love and miss them. You hope they are doing well and if they ever want/need to talk, they can reach you at....... That's it. You made an attempt so now it's on them. Don't ever feel guilty but move on with your life. Maybe 'someday' will happen for you all.
The mother is still deeply under the influence of her ex husband, apparently. She seems to believe he should never be held accountable for his bad behavior. The mother was an enabler without having any idea that is what she was doing ; she is doing it again. I am glad the inquirer has developed a relationship with her mother . I am glad the mother was able to make a good life for herself. It’s disturbing to hear she continues to defend the man who caused her and her children so much heartache and upset. His brainwashing of her has lasted a lifetime. More than past due for closure on that man. The mother may be afraid to cross him even now because of his long reach that could destroy her current good life.
Don't ask the question if you can't handle the answer. Everyone knows you don't ask me unless you want the truth. NTA. You did the right thing.the truth may hurt, but it is always best.
Yeah, I filled my sister in on the truth about my step dad, (her dad) when she was over 18, and she believed me because she has some dark secrets about him too. But my brother didn't believe us, even though his dad was physically abusive mostly towards him, but his gaslighting and manipulation game was top notch. Brother stayed living at home until his mid twenties when he got fed up with the violence and started to face the truth. Wished I could have saved him, but as an adult, he had to save himself.
She ran, but she'll still think about it when she calms down. She just needs a minute for the initial shock to wear down before she'll consider anything like that.
I will say the mother often takes on the role of "strict parent" because they can't let things be. Kids are kids. Guide them, don't keep them prisoners of your limited view of life.
Sooo I guess she tried everything even while father was beating her wich was stated in this story... Yet you couldn't polygraph up with the investigation unit...and have him arrested which I guarantee she could even at that time... Sooo many holes in this story I call b******t n y'all to stupid to realize she lying out her a*s lol keep getting played y'all lmao!
Hey, don't ask for the truth if you can't handle the truth. The older sister did nothing wrong. I'm in a similar situation with my half-siblings, who can't accept that Mom was incredibly abusive to me. (It turns out that teenagers who are forced to carry pregnancies to term by anti-abortion laws can be very resentful. My mother didn't want me before she gave birth, and she didn't want me afterwards either.) My friends and husband are now my chosen family, and I love them to death.
Parents can be incredibly great with wanted children and terrible to the child that wasn't wanted. I was the last child of three, a "birth control failure" (as told by my mum). My older brothers got all the love and affection. I got criticism. The loved children only see a parent who loved them.
Load More Replies... my sister did the exact same thing. She left the min she turned 18. At midnight on the dot. Our father was not a good person. I don't Blame her for leaving she was older then me. I was so jealous that she got to leave. But then our dad kicked me out at 16. My sister took me in.
I would bet she knows some of the truth. She just doesn’t want to acknowledge it until she has to. This will change her entire life. Give her time.
Abuse needs to be exposed. The mother sounds very gracious. So glad both their lives are better.
I despise the term "your truth"... It isn't real. TRUTH is absolute.
Load More Replies... It’s definitely good that OP told her, although she may have initially denied it, she will likely come to terms with it eventually.
For much of my life, the prevailing thought has been to shield children from the truth about parents' relationship problems as much as possible. While I think this makes sense for younger children, teens and adult children should know the truth.
Kids on some level do know the truth, even if it's only through bits & pieces. Even if parents try to hide it or protect the children from it..they can feel tension, they may hear raised voices, see tears or worse. Parents, such a OP's father, are using their kids as pawns & it's a form of abuse. Lies & manipulation is playing dirty. Sabotaging your child's relationship with the other parent is so unhealthy for your offspring. I'm betting if the younger sister thinks about it & tries to add things up, the truth is there. Like if it was a disagreement or misunderstanding with the father...why did sister never reach out to her? What stories have the father given, I'm sure they were more elaborate than a "misunderstanding". The ball is in the younger sister's court. I have 6 older siblings, 2 are sister's. I have nothing to do with them & it had nothing to do with a misunderstanding. I also gave them more than 1 or 2 chances, but they still lie about our parents, family & even about me. N
Load More Replies... I feel that the mother’s reaction comes from fear for her younger daughter. She was abused by this man. She knows how terrible he can be. If younger daughter starts looking into that it could blow up on the daughter, and (in the small part of mother’s mind) on the mother. She got away. She doesn’t want angry, abusive ex husband coming back about this.
I understand why a mother would want to shield her child from heartbreak, but Mom is remembering the young girl that was taken from her. OP was speaking to the woman that girl is becoming. That woman deserves the truth, so that even if she chooses not to believe it, at least she had the opportunity. Sometimes when you speak to someone, especially a young person, your words don't reach them when you speak, but later, maybe years later, they will remember what you said and it will help them sort some things out.
NTA!! You didn't do anything wrong, the younger sister asked now that's she's 18, and you told her the truth. It's just like pouring salve into a wound: it stings for a bit, but then it heals. Sis has just been given the truth of why you left home, because of dad's abuse, and she's stung by it. It's only a matter of time before dad turns against sis, and she'll leave home as well. I'm glad that mom was able to rebuild her life after all that was done to her (she should sue her former employer for wrongful termination since it was due to her ex-husband's influence)!
NTA so I can relate to this a bit, my situation is a bit odd because my father was abusive, physically but my mother enabler and played the victim, a lot and mentally abusive ( pick your poison ) After the divorce we stayed with mother as didn't realize that she was mentally abusing. It honestly took years later before realized or wanted to realize the truth. Sometimes people just need to figure it out for themselves as you did.
My father was mean and physically abusive to my mother. He'd tell us lies about her too. My sisters and I never liked him, so we didn't believe him. He was popular with his peers and women. I remember a neighbor refusing to believe he hit any of us. My mother was his usual target and I got hit a few times too.
Deep down OP little sister knew the truth, which is why she insisted on the real reason, little sister was just hoping she was wrong. She may have gotten more details than she could handle. She will come around.
Sometimes the best thing to do is tell the truth. They may not like it but they need to hear it
Yes,she needed to be told the truth. I'm sick and tired of these men that control there wives and make them the Villian in there children lives. I'm one of those wives and I know how she feels. My daughter isn't even talking to me because of her dad. I stayed married to him for 32 years and he passed away in 2009. He doesn't have to face what he did I do. To top it off I have stage 2 cancer and she doesn't even care. So yes, they need to be told the whole truth.
This sounds scarily similar to how I grew up. However I have the satisfaction of saying that my adoptive father, after I cut contact with him completely, also saw many other women leave him (or at least call him out) over how he treated me; I like to think I started the trend. First he lost his oldest/favorite verbal and emotional punching bag (me), then his long-time live-in girlfriend (whom he'd gotten a house and an RV with), my aunt, and then finally my younger sister. And he had no one to blame but himself (but since he was a narcissist, naturally he would never accept fault).
little sis probably has a parent/child version of stockholm syndrome, not sure if that has a different term
After 5 years in marriage with my husband with 2 kids, my husband started acting weird and going out with other ladies and showed me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to divorce me if I dare question him about his affair with other ladies, I was totally devastated and confused until an old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet called DR EKPEN who help people with relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contact him, he helped me cast a love spell and within 48 hours my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with other ladies and his with me for good and for real. Contact this great love spell caster for your relationship or marriage problem to be solved today via: drekpenherbalisthome@gmail.com or directly WhatsApp: +2349096408855.... DR EKPEN.....
Nta. Be careful what you wish for. I shattered the image of my dad through rose colored glasses I had until I was 28. He enabled my mother's abuse towards me and nothing he does will ever change that. I feel like an idiot for hero worshipping him my entire life but that's the manipulation that gets you. I hope yall can get some help and recover from this, and shout out to your mom for rebuilding her life from the ground up for being dealt so dirty by this a*****e.
I think your sister already had reasons to suspect your father's "explanation" as to why you left. I suspect she is questioning many things. I think she was shocked at the truth because she already suspected something. I'm sure, like you, she will be doing a quiet investigation trying to verify the truth. I would send her a note stating, "I'm here for you anytime", and leave it at that. You have done the right thing.
Not at all! Your sister wanted to know the truth, and you gave it to her. Like they say, the truth hurts.
My mother and I have always had a strained relationship. She’s extremely needy and refuses to let go of the apron strings. She’s asked me the truth and I’ve told her. I finally got the courage to tell her things because I’ve found the truth is better, even if it cuts deep.
Oh my! Honey you're not the AH by any means. Your sperm donor is a narcissist and has gotten extremely good at manipulation and gas-lighting. You're younger siblings may or may not choose to believe what you told your younger sister. If they choose not to believe you, then that's on them. Perhaps someday they will come around to you and your mom or they may not. I would just drop them one note, then leave it lay. Tell them you love and miss them. You hope they are doing well and if they ever want/need to talk, they can reach you at....... That's it. You made an attempt so now it's on them. Don't ever feel guilty but move on with your life. Maybe 'someday' will happen for you all.
The mother is still deeply under the influence of her ex husband, apparently. She seems to believe he should never be held accountable for his bad behavior. The mother was an enabler without having any idea that is what she was doing ; she is doing it again. I am glad the inquirer has developed a relationship with her mother . I am glad the mother was able to make a good life for herself. It’s disturbing to hear she continues to defend the man who caused her and her children so much heartache and upset. His brainwashing of her has lasted a lifetime. More than past due for closure on that man. The mother may be afraid to cross him even now because of his long reach that could destroy her current good life.
Don't ask the question if you can't handle the answer. Everyone knows you don't ask me unless you want the truth. NTA. You did the right thing.the truth may hurt, but it is always best.
Yeah, I filled my sister in on the truth about my step dad, (her dad) when she was over 18, and she believed me because she has some dark secrets about him too. But my brother didn't believe us, even though his dad was physically abusive mostly towards him, but his gaslighting and manipulation game was top notch. Brother stayed living at home until his mid twenties when he got fed up with the violence and started to face the truth. Wished I could have saved him, but as an adult, he had to save himself.
She ran, but she'll still think about it when she calms down. She just needs a minute for the initial shock to wear down before she'll consider anything like that.
I will say the mother often takes on the role of "strict parent" because they can't let things be. Kids are kids. Guide them, don't keep them prisoners of your limited view of life.
Sooo I guess she tried everything even while father was beating her wich was stated in this story... Yet you couldn't polygraph up with the investigation unit...and have him arrested which I guarantee she could even at that time... Sooo many holes in this story I call b******t n y'all to stupid to realize she lying out her a*s lol keep getting played y'all lmao!
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