Wife Is Baffled When Husband Chooses To Eat Female Coworker’s Food Instead Of The Dinner She’s Made
Being in a serious relationship is not just getting to know each other really well, like revealing the name of your childhood pet or what you hated about college. It’s about connecting on a deep personal level, aligning your life goals, and driving your partner, helping them to chase their hopes and fight their fears. Sadly, not every couple achieves these things.
Recently, a woman told her story to the subreddit “Am I a [Jerk]?”, asking its members if she overreacted when her husband brought home a meal that his female coworker had made for him. However, almost everyone who read the anonymous confession thought that it was actually her spouse who was being inconsiderate.
One thing’s for sure, though. This marital conflict, as unpleasant as it is for the folks involved, is a perfect reminder that you must never stop communicating with your significant other.
This woman thought she was going to surprise her husband by cooking him a nice dinner
Image credits: Live on Shot (not the actual photo)
But the man came home with a meal that his female coworker had prepared for him
Image credits: fauxels(not the actual photo)
April Eldemire, LMFT, who is a licensed marriage and family therapist with more than 15 years of experience helping couples improve their sense of friendship and lessen conflict, believes that all healthy relationships have healthy boundaries.
“Boundaries aren’t restricting or limiting. They provide the freedom to express your needs and values while also honoring the needs and values of your partner,” she wrote in Psychology Today.
According to Eldemire, setting boundaries is:
- The essential antidote to codependency;
- A prerequisite for emotional well-being;
- A learnable skill that determines the success and longevity of any relationship;
- Setting healthy boundaries can transform your relationship and elevate your own self-respect.
We all have different limits, small and big. They serve as an outward expression of our core values and beliefs and reflect what we need to feel safe, respected, and loved.
Eldemire said that successfully married couples often establish boundaries in the following areas:
- In-laws and family (e.g., how often we visit the in-laws, how much personal details they should know about the marriage);
- Personal privacy (e.g., agreeing not to go through each other’s phones, not being forced to share details about the past);
- Communication (e.g., zero tolerance for shouting or name-calling);
- Autonomy (e.g., the freedom to make your own decisions, work toward goals, or maintain friendships outside the marriage);
- Physical space (e.g., zero tolerance for violence, agreements about sex including when, where, and how);
- Money (e.g., not hiding money or debt from each other);
- Home life (e.g., expectations on shared parenting, household chores, quality time spent together);
- Relationship rules (e.g., the expectation of loyalty and fidelity, trust and respect).
Judging from this list, the author of the story and her husband have failed to touch on multiple subjects. The therapist believes that those couples who wish to stay together have at least four ways to set and respect each other’s boundaries.
Use clear communication. “Spend time identifying what is important to you in your relationship and your life,” Eldemire advised. “What [do you refuse to compromise on] and what are you willing to be more flexible about? Once you’ve identified your specific boundaries, use clear language when discussing them with your partner.”
This means using phrases like, “I am not OK with raised voices during conflict.”
Next, set clear consequences. “Once you and your partner have discussed your boundaries—the ‘musts’ and ‘must nots’ your relationship needs to be successful—the next step is to be clear about what the consequences are if and when boundaries aren’t respected,” Eldemire explained.
Let’s take the before-mentioned example and imagine that you and your spouse agree that you will not raise your voices during conflict. A possible consequence of yelling during an argument could be pausing it and taking a 30-minute break.
“It is imperative that you follow through on the consequences of any boundary violation,” Eldemire highlighted. “Not following through shows your partner that you don’t respect your own boundaries—and if you don’t respect your boundaries, why should they?”
This brings us to number three. Take responsibility. “Everything you do and say has a natural consequence, whether positive or negative,” the therapist said. “For example, if you’re frequently critical of your spouse, they probably won’t want to be intimate with you. But if you speak kindly and refrain from yelling during an argument, they’re more likely to feel secure and desire physical intimacy and connection.”
The same principle applies to honoring your partner’s boundaries. “Realize that what you say and do (or don’t do) affects your partner. Understand that you may slip up along the way, especially if you and your partner are new to setting healthy boundaries. Take responsibility when you make a mistake, offer genuine apologies, and always circle back to clear, respectful communication.”
And lastly, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Setting boundaries is hard, so why not consult with a therapist or another professional if you and your spouse wish to maintain your marriage? “It can be extremely beneficial, especially if you are creating ‘big’ boundaries around issues like alcoholism, infidelity, or child-rearing,” Eldemire.
So maybe not everything is lost for the woman who shared this story. I guess it depends on whether she and her husband still believe in each other.
After reading the story, people said they think there’s more to it than just food
422Kviews
Share on FacebookI dont understand why is she even cooking for him. He doesnt like her food? Then he can cook his meals or move to his "lovely" coworkers house to user her as a maid. F*****g a*****e
Well said! There is an element of antiquated "gender roles" to this.
Load More Replies...Yeah, this is a thing. When my boyfriend and I started dating, a co-worker noticed what kind of food he was bringing in for lunch. A few times it was something like Ramen instead of leftovers and she assumed that was because our relationship was doing bad (no, missy, I was depressed and he was learning to cook). He had no idea why I was so alarmed. If a person at work is starting to notice things about your behavior, that's not always a bad thing (like that you are sad so they try to cheer you up) but when they insert themselves into the situation ("oh my cooking is better"), that is something completely different. It's like a male Peacock flashing their feathers for a mate; the coworker is putting all her good skills (feathers) on blast to attract a mate.
Sorry, but if a man who has a girlfriend/wife AND a coworker that are both trying to please him, you bet your a*s he's aware of it. I refuse to believe he 'had no idea why you were so alarmed', if the roles were reversed and a male coworker was making you lunch everyday because they felt you didn't get adequate food served at home, how would your bf feel?
Load More Replies...It sounds like the women in this situation are all blaming each other because it's easier than looking at the abuser for what he is. He's a narcissistic a-hole who probably loves having women fight over him, and who may well have encouraged Nelly to rescue him from his wife's lousy cooking. Intimate partners of narcissists often feel like they're going crazy, being overly sensitive, and being overly jealous. They misdirect their anger to the narc's flying monkeys. All along they've been manipulated to feel this way because it makes the narc feel powerful.
He's not worth fighting for. Let Nelly have him.
Load More Replies...What is so difficult to understand about your partner ALWAYS comes first. Not even close. There should never be misunderstanding about who comes first. This can not be more simple.
I was just talking about this particular issue (word for word almost) with my SO today, and we both (again after the first few months of the relationship) both agreed that IT was the basis of any healthy relationship, and that it was one of those things where it wasn't impossible to find an exception. It's simply the fundamental number one, on which everything else in the relationship is based.
Load More Replies...Why is OP cooking? Why isn't husband cooking the meals, if OP isn't that good at cooking, or doesn't enjoy it? And Nelly is clearly out of line. In any scenario where sending dinner home with a non-single coworker or friend is of good intention, (new baby, illness or death of family member, financial hardship, welcome to the neighbourhood) it is a meal for the couple or family to share, not a meal for one.
Exactly! I could not have said it better myself!
Load More Replies...What also got my goat (apart from the man having an emotional affair, not taking his wife's side and being a "little boy") was when he went to the bedroom and she went after him. I think she's too dependent of him as well.
He ran for the bedroom because he's feeling guilty. He IS entertaining the idea of changing spouses. Nail his d**k to the wall!!
Load More Replies...Married and been married for a LONG time. This is not about food. The husband is disrespecting his wife and the boundaries of marriage. RESPECT is the issue. If they do not correct this now, they will not last.
Take the free food but make him share it. With inflation costs are soaring. Take photos of you both enjoying the romantic meal.
He's having an affair with this Nelly. Not on the way to, no they already started this affair. The fact Nelly demands a picture of proof he ate the food, is a tell. People only start being demanding after a while, never at the beginning because that would scare him away. He only accepts her controlling behavior because he is already emotionally tied to her. They.have.an.affair.
NTA His response to your very valid hurt feelings is called gaslighting. He knows he is wrong and the situation is wrong so he’s attacking you to make you believe that you are the bad person to take the light off of him. I would be concerned that there is more going on here that a man would put his coworker above his wife especially since there is some heavy competing going on in Nellys corner. It is a good time to reevaluate your marriage.
Hes not in the worng she is. Shes a jealous butch who cant handle that her husband has female freinds who cook better then her
Load More Replies...This whole story is infuriating to me. I can't wait for someone else to make a decision for me. Him accepting that food and then being stupid enough to bring it in our home and there even being a moment of indecision over who's dinner he should choose to eat would take the decision out of his hands and in to mine. Not wait to see what he going to choose. WTF, nope, him and the plate need gtfo.
FACTSSSSS! NEVER let a man show or tell you more than once that he doesn't love or respect you. Cut his a**e off expeditiously!
Load More Replies...Yeah it's called being a married creep who is still a mama's boy
Load More Replies...Exactly! Contact a divorce attorney and then go NO CONTACT- Cold Turkey. No calls or visits from in laws, nor shared friends. Narcs send flying monkeys to fix their f$@!-ups. You don't need the 'Kumbaya Kids' coming around, trying to muddy already darkened waters...
Load More Replies...Considering what a "prize" he is? I would advise the OP to tell Nelly she is WELCOME to his insensitive, immature, cheating a*s. Then I would change the locks and find a crackerjack divorce lawyer, and at least get the house.
Load More Replies...This is how my first relationship ended: my then-partner pairing up with another woman -- in that case, my best friend -- as a team against me. Oh, sure, they were "just joking" just like I'm sure Nelly is "just trying to help!" and the OP's husband is "just trying to be nice." Based on OP's details, I'm going to go further: if the husband is already this emotionally invested in Nelly over his own wife, the marriage is already over. If you have a partner who is doing this to you, pack their s**t up. OP should call a lawyer, and tell her husband to have the rest of his meals at Nelly's. They deserve each other.
She's auditioning to be his next Mrs. "Let me show you all the ways I'm better than your wife....." next thing you know it will be the bedroom.
The husband is having an emotional affair with his coworker, and hurting his wife in the process by siding with the coworker. If the husband and coworker aren't already having an actual affair, they will be soon, based on their behavior toward one another and toward the wife.
No coworker makes a married man food unless they are more then coworkers. If she just loves cooking then she would have made enough for you and your husband and asked you both to let her know if you liked it not just him. The fact that your husband choosing her over you and texting her about anything other then work issues is a huge red flag. There is a 99.999% chance they are bumping and grinding. Know your self worth, you deserve better!
No one suggested that she take the food (or wrestle it away from him) that Jesse brings home and eat it herself. Then, using her own phone and not Jesse's, she should provide her opinion of the food, good or bad. (it might be good!) Then she should comment to Nelly that she can't wait for the next meal. Maybe even make a specific meal request. As to the suits, send them ALL over to Nelly, dump them on her front porch and save on the dry cleaning bill. Heck, she should text Nelly and ask if she wants to provide maid services once a week when she and Jesse aren't home.
Hard stop, this relationship is highly inappropriate. Hope the wife finds a partner who is deserving and respectful of her as an individual. Everyone deserves more than this.
Of course he's cheating. He puts nellys needs over his wife, meaning nelly is more important to him. It's not just as simple as cooking his own meals (even though he should...) it's the fact that he doesn't care that his wife is hurt and it's more important to show nelly the picture of him eating her food than to care about his wife's needs. It's not about the food.
Yeah he's having an emotional if not physical affair with this woman. He shows complete disrespect for his wife . That would be the day. Pffft..
Honey, pack his suitcase and drive it to her house. Clearly she can’t wait for him to move in. You’ll cut all waist of time “meal fighting”. Because meals are not the main problem here. Sorry for your situation. Your husbands fidelity is going to pooper, he’s weak for other women and easy to manipulate.
Emotions for most home cooks are usually positive. Not a bad thing, until it's a woman (or man) who's being extra invested in your spouse's life. I'm a cook. Everything is important. If I was cooking for a person, there's something going on there. I cook for my family, because I love them. I cook for my friends because I love them. There's a trend, right?
This woman wants your husband badly and she's not trying to hide it, your husband is falling for it like a simp, seek a marriage counselor ASAP or she will succeed, she's half way there already.
Complaining about your spouse to a coworker that is secually viable is about the biggest red flag there is. I can't imagine any situation where a coworker would ask me to verify that I ate something they cooked with a picture. I'd laugh in their face. I'm pretty sure he had sex with her already and she's basically blackmailing him into a divorce.
"... he said he promised Nelly he'd eat her for dinner..."? This bit got me giggling. Childish yeah I know. Anyway, I get the feeling Nelly is fishing.
I kinda wondered if husband had a history of cheating, which his mom knew about. Maybe the mom was hoping the marriage would change him. Still no excuse for not calling out her son. I make it a habit not to interfere in my adult children's relationships, but they know if they were ever cheating or abusive, I'm taking the side of the harmed party.
Good for you! My dad didn't seem to have a problem with my ex-husband cheating on me. Sad.
Load More Replies...Anyone else think Nelly just sees OP as competition and trying to show the husband she'd be more suited as wife? If Nelly keeps humiliating OPs cooking and talking of ironing to compare the outcome, she's obviously trying to take OPs place. And seems hubby is okay eating from 2 plates.
Non food related but recently, about a month ago, my boyfriend of three years was in a position to choose me or my "Arch-nemesis". He wanted both of us! He wouldn't choose, so I chose for him and walked right the f**k off. If there is even a shadow of a doubt that your number one person does not have you in the number one place in their life, then they do NOT deserve that position in your life. GTFO.
Nellie is not the problem, your husband is. This is not debatable between you. "Cut the meals, etc off with the co-worker or your clothes will be in the yard when you come home." Then do it. The next time you have to be in this woman's presence, don't lose your cool. Just s sweetly say, "The dog really liked that 🍽️ you sent him-he even licked the plate! " If she says you don't have a dog, "Oh, he didn't tell you we have a new dog? He's finicky but he likes your cooking."
I originally thought the coworker was sharing ethnic dishes that the wife didn't know how to make and thought no big deal. After reading the entire post I thought WTF is wrong with that husband? He is either really stupid or really sly. Also, why can't he iron for himself (as well as cook) I think the wife deserves better for herself and the coworker and husband deserve each other!!
Send the b***h his laundry, his nasty gym shoes, and anything else he owns that is gross plus a suitcase with separation papers in it (don't pack the case~~just throw his c**p on the lawn). Once she has to put up with him for a few weeks, he'll be back. Don't let him back in. If they do it once, they'll do it again. Plenty of decent *men* with supportive MILs out there. Be sure to hit him with alimony during separation as well. You're entitled to support!!
I hope OP scrapes the food into the trash as she videos it , then sends the video to Nelly, assuring her ' the plate is clean'.
You need to let Nelly know she's sticking her nose into your marriage and you are more than able and willing to put a stop to it. Tell her 'butt out and keep her food and her opinions to herself, or else'. Then you need explain to your husband that if he really thinks he'd do better with Miss Nelly, then fine. She would be named right along with him on the divorce papers. She can support him after you take the house and his money for support. Mom-in-law needs to butt out, too. There is already 3 in this marriage. Your husband is a 5 star jerk.
The husband's the problem. Confronting Nelly would just feed his ego, like the two are fighting over him.
Load More Replies...I have to ask the original poster what job or career your husband has? I know a Nelly that sounds just like her! !!!!
It’s blatantly obvious the coworker likes him and is trying to worm her way in by cooking and light insults. She needs to reconsider her marriage and if it’s worth it if he’s going to treat her that way and care more for the coworkers feelings than hers.
"He promised Nelly, he'd eat her for dinner." Boy, possessive pronouns would have really worked wonders here. Is she so blind that she can't see what the other woman is really doing? This marriage is very much in danger.
I don't understand why the co worker would cook meals to begin with. Other than a work pot luck or right after a funeral is that ever appropriate? Maybe perhaps bringing extra to share, but making him his own meal?
It could be a nice gift for a single friend from work when cooking is your hobby, but if you know they're married and you don't give enough for the couple to share...
Load More Replies...Can you and your husband sheare the meals from her? And you can give her feedback by sending her a text, and ask her about giving you and your husband other food options. Then your household will have a personal Cook! It's a win - win if you ask me
Is Nelly his wife? So he can grow a pair of balls when it comes to defending Nelly in his wife’s absence because of what she’ll do if he doesn’t send her a photo of a clean plate? But he can’t defend his wife when nelly is talking s**t about her in front of her face. He hates this woman.
A committed husband would have "forgotten" Nelly's food at the office, or "accidentally" left it where the dog would get it or a myriad of other options that would demonstrate to Nelly that he didn't GAF about the food she made him.
I'm going to put it bluntly: this is like two women fighting over a man in the 50's. Jesus Christ, I'm so glad OP has the self-esteem to just drop the cooking if the husband want to be fed by a co-worker. Drop the husband too, he's enjoying the fight over him way too much. He's clearly enjoying that Nellie wants to get in his pants and watching two women scramble to please him.
It would be one thing if Nelly were cooking dinner for both of them, but a singular dinner and promise of a picture of an empty plate? Serious boundaries. The only thing OP can be faulted for here is not losing her s**t sooner over this BS.
Nelly is nasty. Wife is being jealous. Husband shouldn't allow Nelly to speak to his wife like that and create a boundary since she doesn't have any. But really, if he doesn't so that, wife should leave this nonsense. Not worth it
*Wife* has the right to be jealous. However, if Nelly is so desperate for Wife's sloppy seconds...?
Load More Replies...2/ up for cooking classes, to help you out and as a way for you both to become better cooks and spend some nice time together learning a new hobby. If I were you, I'd start getting your affairs in order, checking the accounts for purchases you didn't know about, and find a divorce lawyer. You deserve better than this as* hole of a husband and his workplace bimbo. Start documenting when things like this happen, take pictures of her " meals, I. E., love bites. Eat dinner before he gets home, or if you really think you deserve this piece of worm poop, then get yourself some cooking classes. I think you are deserving of better. He is not worth your tIme and effort. Besides, I would go ahead and sue Nelly for alienation of the affections of your husband.. it's been done before and the woman won. also, once she is served her just desserts in the form of an impending lawsuit, she may just back off completely. I seriously doubt the hubby is worth THAT much trouble!
NTA. Besides, he knew when he married you, that you weren't a good cook. Yet he still married you. So... what is up with this? Nelly is making a play for him, thinking she will come out on top of the pile and with your man. But... if he is behaving like this, with some cheap bimbo co worker, is he worth the fight? If he stops abusing your feelings and trust, will he do this again because you don't cook well? It seems to me, that he is playing you and Nelly off each other, and he likes the attention. He is getting off on it.. again making me wonder if he is worth it. He may be your husband, but as so many have already pointed out, he isn't acting like it. If he is unwilling to be called on his inappropriate behaviors and Nelly's also, and says you are being unfair, then he is letting Nelly cook for him as pre seductive behavior And he is obviously egging her on and telling her things at work, or she would've backed off. Also, a really nice and supportive husband would've signed you
Most work places look down on this type of behavior between coworkers, I would talk with him and if he doesn't change I would alert his workplace and wouldn't care if they both get fired because I would be leaving him.
Nelly can have his a*s. Id pack up all his clothes and dump them at Nellys door. They deserve each other
Someone is overstepping their boundary. Women need to respect married men period. Cooking for a married man is completely off limits. Sounds like an emotional affair.
It goes both ways. Married men need to respect their wives enough to decline advances. Nelly sounds like scum, but the husband has a responsibility to respect his wife. He’s being a total jackass.
Load More Replies...I would LOVE Nelly’s meals and point this out by asking, no demanding, that she cooks them all from now on. I’d beg and plead, non stop. I would say that I need more time for myself and cooking for my husband is hindering this that’s why my meals are subpar to hers. If she wanted to I’d be willing to pay her a small fee so that she doesn’t feel entirely useless.
There is a term in bahasa Indonesia for Nelly. Nelly is absolutely a PELAKOR, PEncuri (Thief of) LAki (husband of) ORang (someone else). She is absolutely a thief of someone's husband. It is a disrespect term, not thing to be proud of. The key is on Jesse's. He let himself to be "taken away" by a thief?? Just a wow.
The appropriate way to share cooking talent is to invite them over for dinner as a couple. Her behavior is not friendly.
Sit back and let the cards fall where they may then collect alimony after the dust settles. DO NOT stress nor put unnecessary work into this marriage. Jesse checked out long before the first plate was even given to him. Sometimes it's best to know when to throw in the towel and move on. Get yourself some therapy and work on knowing your worth because this man is clearly a narcissist and has manipulated you to the point of self loathing.
Rating her food once or twice because you didn't make dinner or because you were out of town? Sure. Eating her dinner because he wanted to? Bit of a weird call and a red flag. Also, this was literally a Family Guy plot line
Also, why is she ironing his suits? He's a grown man. He can iron his own damn suits.
He messed up. Happy wife, happy life! He needs to set boundaries with Nelly. He knows you're not comfortable with what she says and doing so he needs to address this with her. If he doesn't do that, then I'd be concerned about what else is going on with Nelly. Could be nothing but, why is he more concerned with keeping his coworker happy than keeping his wife happy? Discuss this with him and if he doesn't address it immediately, your next conversation should be with a divorce lawyer. He is just wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!
Nelly trying to get herself a husband. Yours. Hubby won't see that because in his world, women just naturally do stuff for all men out of the kindness of their hearts and later just "magically* fall in love with them. Please. If I cook a meal and give it to a group of people, I'm being kind. If I cook a meal and give it to one person who I don't know except for work and that person is married, I'm on a mission. And if anyone says "I would never do that. I really AM just being kind!" Then you ARE Nelly! If she were really trying to be helpful, she'd befriend the wife and be like "I get it, boo. Here are some recipes so YOU can make an awesome meal for your hubby." Not make them herself. Nelly is so shady she's practically a cloud, and that is one dark rainstorm about to fall.
And I'll give an example if someone wants to dispute that. And I'm not saying this to toot my own horn, cuz I don't like praise. It makes me feel dishonest somehow. Mission: Nelly made up ONE plate. For the hubby. Only enough for the hubby. That is a mission for sure. Kindness: I made up a whole lasagna for my bosses (woman and her husband) enough that they could BOTH have leftovers or have a meal with several people. Same with the pot of soup I made. And as the hubby is a vegetarian but wife will eat chicken, but sometimes eats vegetarian, I made BOTH items vegetarian, but also an extra of the soup with chicken, so they BOTH could have some. (Female boss has had health issues and male boss is older with health issues and having to take care of his wife, and I wanted them both to eat something filling.) That is kindness. Nelly is a bad word I won't say so this doesn't get deleted!
Load More Replies...“…he promised Nelly he’d eat her for dinner…” Not gonna lie, it sounds like this may be close to happening if Nelly has her way.
I think (or more like HOPE lol) that was just a typo on her part, not actually what was said.
Load More Replies...This seems like a Nelly problem but it’s really a husband problem. Your husband has created a love triangle with himself in the centre as the object of desire that you both are supposed to compete for. You are supposed to do the pick me dance where you cook him better and more elaborate meals, iron his suits to perfection etc while acting jealous. Nelly does the same and he enjoys all the attention and feeling important. He wants you to work hard to keep him while she works hard to get him. His affair with her(and yes, he’s having an affair) will be blamed on you because you didn’t love him enough and work to save your marriage. This isn’t going to end well.
Inappropriate. Someone else's spouse is not your BFF. That is absolutely flirting. If that was my spouse it would be shut down immediately. No excuses. My feelings should matter more than the coworker. Shut it down. Report the inappropriate behavior. Request immediately that one or the other of you be transferred elsewhere. Or lose me and everything I bring to the table. There would be no compromise.
Tldr: I think Jesse is worse than Nelly in this story. --While it does sound like Nelly is trying to steal Jesse away, we don't have any context to suggest that this can happen. For all we know, Nelly could be 30 years older, happily married, loves to cook and just hates OP. Also, Nelly's dinners might be super good and OP super bland. I do think the problem is Jesse. He should have seen how upset OP was about the dinner and NOT had Nelly's food. So the most important question is, "why did Jesse decide to have Nelly's food, even after OP expressed so much frustration over it? " This could be a move by Jesse to gain dominance over OP using Nelly as a p**n. A good move by OP might have been to incorporate Nelly's dinner into the meal and share it. If Nelly only wanted Jesse to enjoy it, it would probably become clear after OP shares it a few times but why didn't Jesse do this to begin with? I'm guessing Jesse is the bad guy here.
Jesse is too busy enjoying the attention of having two women fight over him
Load More Replies...so we just gon ignore the witches out there just waiting for their opportunity to "tek next gyal man" he choose to hurt you, fir his own ego! NTA. she is pointing out what better of a wife shed be to him
Guy pov here...why didn't he just eat both meals? That's where the red flag went up for me. More's goin' on than just being a food s**t.
Send should show up st work place and make a public announcement to her thank you for cooking meals for my husband but I am his wife and I can cook for my husband so please stop dong this !
I'm sorry, why doesn't he cook for himself if he doesn't like her cooking? You've got two women trying to cook for this loser of a man and if it were me, I'd not cook another thing. And if he came home with some other chick's food and joked about her being better at housework, he'd be out on his a*s and getting divorce papers.
There is a lot deeper issues than Nelly and her dinner. Not to mention the oh so saintly women do enjoy drama and f*****g up a good thing.
You think the wife is screwing up a good thing? Pulease!
Load More Replies...NTA get a lawyer, make sure your finances are in place, Nelly is in the hunt for a hubby and set her sights on yours, and because you're not getting support from anyone else she'll win. I would leave them to it, this Nelly has probably done this before and if she has fund out the proof and if you want to keep this tw*t of a husband fight for him..
The way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Watch Nelly. Closely. Shes after your husband.
It sounds to me like the wife has too little selfconfidence. If she thinks she is not a good cook, find a cooking school and learn how to cook better. It is not something, that you can learn on your own without at least cooking for many years. It would help her confidence, which would be attractive to the husband as well as the better food. Of course she could choose to ask his coworker to make a double portion for him to bring home!
Sadly, he’s having an emotional affair with his coworker. He’s obviously more concerned with his coworker’s feelings over yours. What a jerk, truthfully he doesn’t deserve you. This lady friend is clearly after your husband and he’s liking it. Besides isn’t he supposed to be “working”?
You did not say how old Nellie is that would have made a big difference. Ok, do you work? If not maybe you should. Don't be dependent on any man, go and make your own money because this jerk is immature and without his growing up you will not make it as a couple. Lastly, what year is this? I felt I was reading a letter from the '50s. Who irons suits in 2022? that's what cleaners are for.
Nelly is just a small demonic force, entering into your life because your husband allowed her to come in. What person, in their right mind, allows another woman to know anything about his wife like that?? This is a violation of intimacy. It isnt about the food, its about allowing this nonsense into your life.
The only ego in question here is your husband's. Nelly is stroking his ego big time - and it's not going to be too long before she starts stroking something else. Put your foot down or tell him to go live with Nelly and stop acting like a doormat.
I'd divorce him so fast his head would spin. And, I'd get the best divorce lawyer 1st!
Playing devil's advocate, what if I were making meals for a coworker who I felt was not eating healthy enough because my coworker had made comments that he/she wasn't in to eating the meals his/her spouse cooked? I wouldn't be making those meals if I didn't honestly think the wife was ok with that, right? The problem isn't the coworker, the problem starts with Jesse. What is he telling the coworker to give her the go ahead to make, and expect him to eat her meals? I think his intention is to get his spouse to walk out on him, because he's not mature enough to walk out on someone he no longer respects, nor loves.
Sound like your average husband stealing drama. If the husband acted that way with his wife, I'd suggest the wife have a serious discussion about his relationship with his coworker.
??? How is he gonna prioritize his coworkers feelings over his wife's??? Nah, absolutely not. He married op, not Nelly. This woman is a third wheel in her own marriage. Your partner, especially the one you married, should be the person whose feelings you prioritize the most since you've made a life commitment. If he doesn't get it together and agree to have a LONG talk about boundaries, respect, and where his loyalties lie then op should consider those things for herself and get out. Plus if this all is done in front of her, who knows what goes unchecked? Man might start taking extended business trips and working a lotta overtime
The appropriate way to share cooking talent is to invite the couple together for dinner. That's not a friend.
By this same logic, tell Jesse you're gonna start getting head from some other dude cuz his tongue game is weak. Let him know that the dude giving you head doubts Jesse is good for anything.
My father in law didn't like the cooking of my mother in law. So he learned how to cook. From then on he cooked the meals and she baked cakes xD But really, come on. Those am I the Jerk threads are so stupid. You only get one side of the story and probably an exaggerated version of it so it definetly makes the other person look Bad.
He is gaslighting you.. hard. I'd show up to work myself and tell the girl to back down and what the husband's reaction is. I would never of let him eat the food and I would of chucked it.
'Recently, a woman told her story to the subreddit “Am I a [Jerk]?”' just gets me. Like, it still links to the original wording, and it's "the" not "a" and there wasn't a significant reason to change that word, since it's technically a title. Oh, the article? Everyone else has already said my thoughts better than I could say them.
Nelly could be an old lady that can cook and his wife's cooking sucks, no seasoning, over cooked, under cooked. This might not even be about an affair it could be as simple as Nelly can burn and the wife food is burnt.
My bf’s coworker would bring him meals too but she was a nice older lady and my bf would bring me some too. This seems like she’s not a nice older lady but a creeper trying to get your hubs. The thing that’s weird is your hubs is letting it happen. You need to have a conversation with him cause at the end of the day he’s about it and choosing her food over yours.
Smells like more clickbait story. If is this remotely true, I would invite Nelly for a dinner. Or invite her to cook us dinner. Her reaction will show her (and the husband) true colors, I bet.
I can not believe people actually think these are real. I was waiting for part that said "she insisted that he bag up his poop the next day to test it and ensure the picture of the empt plate wasn't fake". Don't get me wrong I think SOME of what OP said was true. She is probably married, probably a terrible cook and her husband probably comes home. I think that sums up the real parts of the story.
I would NOT fight with my husband, because this is what that b*tch WANTS! I'd send her a Thank You card at work (by mail, not by hubby) and tell her how GREAT her food was. Tell her because YOU didn't have to spend all that time cooking, you and Jesse had time to cuddle. He's being an a*s, but I would look on social media to see if she's done this before. I'd also call HR anonymously, and ask if they allow interoffice dating. If they don't, explain what's going on. Get her a*s fired. Tell him you'd like counseling. I'll be damned if I'd give my man up without a fight!
The dude is disgusting and a complete ahole. However, you females do this kind of sh*t all the time, and bash and shame a guy for speaking up about it. "You can't dictate my friends", etc etc etc. It's disgusting. I GUARANTEE if the gender roles were reversed, you'd be complaining about the guy trying to "pick her friends and run her life". So maybe, since you're sooooo against this behavior now, you'll fn learn from it and not do this kind of sh*t to a guy blatantly and shamelessly, you double standards having hypocritical ahole females.
Uhm yeah.... NTA! I've been in love a d married to the same man since I was 17, fixin' to celebrate 35 years. (no biological children) So, let me start with playing the devil's advocate..... MEN ARE CLUELESS! They really are. However, once you you let your feeling known, he should've respected them and you, dumped the food in the trash and kissed you, then apologize for even bringing it home. Men really don't understand that a way to their hearts is through food.... they really don't see that it starts with food, then leads to someth else. (be careful here though, he can always eat her food at lunch so don't be naive) If he clearly doesn't understand, go out buy some take out when he doesn't see it. Then empty it into one of your cookware and act like you cooked it. When he sees it, let him taste it to make sure it tastes right and doesn't need anything. Let him get all excited about it. Then tell him it's for a male at worker cause his g/f is out of town and he has no one to feed him
"He promised Nelly he'd eat her for dinner". That's an odd Freudian slip. I think subconsciously she knows what's going on, and just doesn't want to admit it to herself.
Nothing a well placed iron peg in the middle of the forehead wouldn't fix. Followed by a swift kick in the a*s.
I think she needs to visit his job and ask for Nelly and tell her face to face nicely that she needs to stop cooking completely for her man unless she wants to also cook for her to as in make her a plate. Also she needs to stay in her place because by her cooking everyday for her man is telling her that she wants to be more than friends with her man
I'd also do this in front of HR to let her know I wasn't f*****g off too. And I'd let ner know that telling Jesse about our 'chat will too cost her her job.
Load More Replies...Sounds like she needs to beat the living shxx out of Nelly, or tell hubby to get a new job.
NTA. Nelly is overstepping alright, but the main problem is your husband. Not only is he playing dumb by pretending he doesn't understand what Nelly is trying to do, he is completely on board with that, he disregards your feelings and even has the audacity to blame you for your completely justifiable reaction. Something tells me you won't regret dumping his pathetic a*s.
When my wife left me 2 years ago and has refused to accepted my apology, She found out that my ex few years ago is actually her younger sister.
When my wife left me 2 years ago and has refused to accepted my apology, She found out that my ex few years ago is actually her younger sister. She was furious that her sister and I has kept it as a secret ever since our 12 years of marriage. I just want to say we are back together now, we renewed our vows last week after I did a love reunited spell from (lovesolutiontemple. c om), it only took less than 12 hours for my wife to call me and say she has forgiven me. In two years my wife hasn't called me, she moved to her mother's house where it's even more difficult to reach her. Thanks to (sangopriestesslovesolution @ outlook. c om) for such a miracle that has changed my life forever.
Reading too much into it. You have a problem with it? Go and talk to him about how it makes you feel, and understand how this looks to him instead of seeking validation and unimportant opinion's from an online forum to justify your already existing doubts of cheating and not accepting your jealousy. Like, seriously.
Yet you're on the same forum you denigrate, responding. You're an a*****e.
Load More Replies...What third world country or time portal is this relationship taking place in? Both of them sound like children. The husband sounds like he's gonna hit his wife instead of talking to her, and the wife sounds like she's just gonna sulk and cry instead of doing something about it. She should have said "Bet. Tell her to make me a plate too." If she were secure in her marriage and confident of her husband's fidelity. Or "That's a bold move, dude. You good? Something you want to talk about? Cause that's not a choice a sane person makes. " How do people end up in these longer-term relationships with the IQ, EQ, and confidence of a potato? Also the coworker going for a married dude??? Is the town population like 5??? They good??? They don't sound like they're okay to me.
Really? I have NEVER seen this! Sure you're not Nelly?
Load More Replies...Stuff like this actually happens. 🤷♀️ There are women that are extremely competitive when they set their sights on a man.
Load More Replies...Take cooking lessons my a$$ - if the hubs doesn't like the wife's efforts, let HIM take the lessons and cook for her!
Load More Replies...I dont understand why is she even cooking for him. He doesnt like her food? Then he can cook his meals or move to his "lovely" coworkers house to user her as a maid. F*****g a*****e
Well said! There is an element of antiquated "gender roles" to this.
Load More Replies...Yeah, this is a thing. When my boyfriend and I started dating, a co-worker noticed what kind of food he was bringing in for lunch. A few times it was something like Ramen instead of leftovers and she assumed that was because our relationship was doing bad (no, missy, I was depressed and he was learning to cook). He had no idea why I was so alarmed. If a person at work is starting to notice things about your behavior, that's not always a bad thing (like that you are sad so they try to cheer you up) but when they insert themselves into the situation ("oh my cooking is better"), that is something completely different. It's like a male Peacock flashing their feathers for a mate; the coworker is putting all her good skills (feathers) on blast to attract a mate.
Sorry, but if a man who has a girlfriend/wife AND a coworker that are both trying to please him, you bet your a*s he's aware of it. I refuse to believe he 'had no idea why you were so alarmed', if the roles were reversed and a male coworker was making you lunch everyday because they felt you didn't get adequate food served at home, how would your bf feel?
Load More Replies...It sounds like the women in this situation are all blaming each other because it's easier than looking at the abuser for what he is. He's a narcissistic a-hole who probably loves having women fight over him, and who may well have encouraged Nelly to rescue him from his wife's lousy cooking. Intimate partners of narcissists often feel like they're going crazy, being overly sensitive, and being overly jealous. They misdirect their anger to the narc's flying monkeys. All along they've been manipulated to feel this way because it makes the narc feel powerful.
He's not worth fighting for. Let Nelly have him.
Load More Replies...What is so difficult to understand about your partner ALWAYS comes first. Not even close. There should never be misunderstanding about who comes first. This can not be more simple.
I was just talking about this particular issue (word for word almost) with my SO today, and we both (again after the first few months of the relationship) both agreed that IT was the basis of any healthy relationship, and that it was one of those things where it wasn't impossible to find an exception. It's simply the fundamental number one, on which everything else in the relationship is based.
Load More Replies...Why is OP cooking? Why isn't husband cooking the meals, if OP isn't that good at cooking, or doesn't enjoy it? And Nelly is clearly out of line. In any scenario where sending dinner home with a non-single coworker or friend is of good intention, (new baby, illness or death of family member, financial hardship, welcome to the neighbourhood) it is a meal for the couple or family to share, not a meal for one.
Exactly! I could not have said it better myself!
Load More Replies...What also got my goat (apart from the man having an emotional affair, not taking his wife's side and being a "little boy") was when he went to the bedroom and she went after him. I think she's too dependent of him as well.
He ran for the bedroom because he's feeling guilty. He IS entertaining the idea of changing spouses. Nail his d**k to the wall!!
Load More Replies...Married and been married for a LONG time. This is not about food. The husband is disrespecting his wife and the boundaries of marriage. RESPECT is the issue. If they do not correct this now, they will not last.
Take the free food but make him share it. With inflation costs are soaring. Take photos of you both enjoying the romantic meal.
He's having an affair with this Nelly. Not on the way to, no they already started this affair. The fact Nelly demands a picture of proof he ate the food, is a tell. People only start being demanding after a while, never at the beginning because that would scare him away. He only accepts her controlling behavior because he is already emotionally tied to her. They.have.an.affair.
NTA His response to your very valid hurt feelings is called gaslighting. He knows he is wrong and the situation is wrong so he’s attacking you to make you believe that you are the bad person to take the light off of him. I would be concerned that there is more going on here that a man would put his coworker above his wife especially since there is some heavy competing going on in Nellys corner. It is a good time to reevaluate your marriage.
Hes not in the worng she is. Shes a jealous butch who cant handle that her husband has female freinds who cook better then her
Load More Replies...This whole story is infuriating to me. I can't wait for someone else to make a decision for me. Him accepting that food and then being stupid enough to bring it in our home and there even being a moment of indecision over who's dinner he should choose to eat would take the decision out of his hands and in to mine. Not wait to see what he going to choose. WTF, nope, him and the plate need gtfo.
FACTSSSSS! NEVER let a man show or tell you more than once that he doesn't love or respect you. Cut his a**e off expeditiously!
Load More Replies...Yeah it's called being a married creep who is still a mama's boy
Load More Replies...Exactly! Contact a divorce attorney and then go NO CONTACT- Cold Turkey. No calls or visits from in laws, nor shared friends. Narcs send flying monkeys to fix their f$@!-ups. You don't need the 'Kumbaya Kids' coming around, trying to muddy already darkened waters...
Load More Replies...Considering what a "prize" he is? I would advise the OP to tell Nelly she is WELCOME to his insensitive, immature, cheating a*s. Then I would change the locks and find a crackerjack divorce lawyer, and at least get the house.
Load More Replies...This is how my first relationship ended: my then-partner pairing up with another woman -- in that case, my best friend -- as a team against me. Oh, sure, they were "just joking" just like I'm sure Nelly is "just trying to help!" and the OP's husband is "just trying to be nice." Based on OP's details, I'm going to go further: if the husband is already this emotionally invested in Nelly over his own wife, the marriage is already over. If you have a partner who is doing this to you, pack their s**t up. OP should call a lawyer, and tell her husband to have the rest of his meals at Nelly's. They deserve each other.
She's auditioning to be his next Mrs. "Let me show you all the ways I'm better than your wife....." next thing you know it will be the bedroom.
The husband is having an emotional affair with his coworker, and hurting his wife in the process by siding with the coworker. If the husband and coworker aren't already having an actual affair, they will be soon, based on their behavior toward one another and toward the wife.
No coworker makes a married man food unless they are more then coworkers. If she just loves cooking then she would have made enough for you and your husband and asked you both to let her know if you liked it not just him. The fact that your husband choosing her over you and texting her about anything other then work issues is a huge red flag. There is a 99.999% chance they are bumping and grinding. Know your self worth, you deserve better!
No one suggested that she take the food (or wrestle it away from him) that Jesse brings home and eat it herself. Then, using her own phone and not Jesse's, she should provide her opinion of the food, good or bad. (it might be good!) Then she should comment to Nelly that she can't wait for the next meal. Maybe even make a specific meal request. As to the suits, send them ALL over to Nelly, dump them on her front porch and save on the dry cleaning bill. Heck, she should text Nelly and ask if she wants to provide maid services once a week when she and Jesse aren't home.
Hard stop, this relationship is highly inappropriate. Hope the wife finds a partner who is deserving and respectful of her as an individual. Everyone deserves more than this.
Of course he's cheating. He puts nellys needs over his wife, meaning nelly is more important to him. It's not just as simple as cooking his own meals (even though he should...) it's the fact that he doesn't care that his wife is hurt and it's more important to show nelly the picture of him eating her food than to care about his wife's needs. It's not about the food.
Yeah he's having an emotional if not physical affair with this woman. He shows complete disrespect for his wife . That would be the day. Pffft..
Honey, pack his suitcase and drive it to her house. Clearly she can’t wait for him to move in. You’ll cut all waist of time “meal fighting”. Because meals are not the main problem here. Sorry for your situation. Your husbands fidelity is going to pooper, he’s weak for other women and easy to manipulate.
Emotions for most home cooks are usually positive. Not a bad thing, until it's a woman (or man) who's being extra invested in your spouse's life. I'm a cook. Everything is important. If I was cooking for a person, there's something going on there. I cook for my family, because I love them. I cook for my friends because I love them. There's a trend, right?
This woman wants your husband badly and she's not trying to hide it, your husband is falling for it like a simp, seek a marriage counselor ASAP or she will succeed, she's half way there already.
Complaining about your spouse to a coworker that is secually viable is about the biggest red flag there is. I can't imagine any situation where a coworker would ask me to verify that I ate something they cooked with a picture. I'd laugh in their face. I'm pretty sure he had sex with her already and she's basically blackmailing him into a divorce.
"... he said he promised Nelly he'd eat her for dinner..."? This bit got me giggling. Childish yeah I know. Anyway, I get the feeling Nelly is fishing.
I kinda wondered if husband had a history of cheating, which his mom knew about. Maybe the mom was hoping the marriage would change him. Still no excuse for not calling out her son. I make it a habit not to interfere in my adult children's relationships, but they know if they were ever cheating or abusive, I'm taking the side of the harmed party.
Good for you! My dad didn't seem to have a problem with my ex-husband cheating on me. Sad.
Load More Replies...Anyone else think Nelly just sees OP as competition and trying to show the husband she'd be more suited as wife? If Nelly keeps humiliating OPs cooking and talking of ironing to compare the outcome, she's obviously trying to take OPs place. And seems hubby is okay eating from 2 plates.
Non food related but recently, about a month ago, my boyfriend of three years was in a position to choose me or my "Arch-nemesis". He wanted both of us! He wouldn't choose, so I chose for him and walked right the f**k off. If there is even a shadow of a doubt that your number one person does not have you in the number one place in their life, then they do NOT deserve that position in your life. GTFO.
Nellie is not the problem, your husband is. This is not debatable between you. "Cut the meals, etc off with the co-worker or your clothes will be in the yard when you come home." Then do it. The next time you have to be in this woman's presence, don't lose your cool. Just s sweetly say, "The dog really liked that 🍽️ you sent him-he even licked the plate! " If she says you don't have a dog, "Oh, he didn't tell you we have a new dog? He's finicky but he likes your cooking."
I originally thought the coworker was sharing ethnic dishes that the wife didn't know how to make and thought no big deal. After reading the entire post I thought WTF is wrong with that husband? He is either really stupid or really sly. Also, why can't he iron for himself (as well as cook) I think the wife deserves better for herself and the coworker and husband deserve each other!!
Send the b***h his laundry, his nasty gym shoes, and anything else he owns that is gross plus a suitcase with separation papers in it (don't pack the case~~just throw his c**p on the lawn). Once she has to put up with him for a few weeks, he'll be back. Don't let him back in. If they do it once, they'll do it again. Plenty of decent *men* with supportive MILs out there. Be sure to hit him with alimony during separation as well. You're entitled to support!!
I hope OP scrapes the food into the trash as she videos it , then sends the video to Nelly, assuring her ' the plate is clean'.
You need to let Nelly know she's sticking her nose into your marriage and you are more than able and willing to put a stop to it. Tell her 'butt out and keep her food and her opinions to herself, or else'. Then you need explain to your husband that if he really thinks he'd do better with Miss Nelly, then fine. She would be named right along with him on the divorce papers. She can support him after you take the house and his money for support. Mom-in-law needs to butt out, too. There is already 3 in this marriage. Your husband is a 5 star jerk.
The husband's the problem. Confronting Nelly would just feed his ego, like the two are fighting over him.
Load More Replies...I have to ask the original poster what job or career your husband has? I know a Nelly that sounds just like her! !!!!
It’s blatantly obvious the coworker likes him and is trying to worm her way in by cooking and light insults. She needs to reconsider her marriage and if it’s worth it if he’s going to treat her that way and care more for the coworkers feelings than hers.
"He promised Nelly, he'd eat her for dinner." Boy, possessive pronouns would have really worked wonders here. Is she so blind that she can't see what the other woman is really doing? This marriage is very much in danger.
I don't understand why the co worker would cook meals to begin with. Other than a work pot luck or right after a funeral is that ever appropriate? Maybe perhaps bringing extra to share, but making him his own meal?
It could be a nice gift for a single friend from work when cooking is your hobby, but if you know they're married and you don't give enough for the couple to share...
Load More Replies...Can you and your husband sheare the meals from her? And you can give her feedback by sending her a text, and ask her about giving you and your husband other food options. Then your household will have a personal Cook! It's a win - win if you ask me
Is Nelly his wife? So he can grow a pair of balls when it comes to defending Nelly in his wife’s absence because of what she’ll do if he doesn’t send her a photo of a clean plate? But he can’t defend his wife when nelly is talking s**t about her in front of her face. He hates this woman.
A committed husband would have "forgotten" Nelly's food at the office, or "accidentally" left it where the dog would get it or a myriad of other options that would demonstrate to Nelly that he didn't GAF about the food she made him.
I'm going to put it bluntly: this is like two women fighting over a man in the 50's. Jesus Christ, I'm so glad OP has the self-esteem to just drop the cooking if the husband want to be fed by a co-worker. Drop the husband too, he's enjoying the fight over him way too much. He's clearly enjoying that Nellie wants to get in his pants and watching two women scramble to please him.
It would be one thing if Nelly were cooking dinner for both of them, but a singular dinner and promise of a picture of an empty plate? Serious boundaries. The only thing OP can be faulted for here is not losing her s**t sooner over this BS.
Nelly is nasty. Wife is being jealous. Husband shouldn't allow Nelly to speak to his wife like that and create a boundary since she doesn't have any. But really, if he doesn't so that, wife should leave this nonsense. Not worth it
*Wife* has the right to be jealous. However, if Nelly is so desperate for Wife's sloppy seconds...?
Load More Replies...2/ up for cooking classes, to help you out and as a way for you both to become better cooks and spend some nice time together learning a new hobby. If I were you, I'd start getting your affairs in order, checking the accounts for purchases you didn't know about, and find a divorce lawyer. You deserve better than this as* hole of a husband and his workplace bimbo. Start documenting when things like this happen, take pictures of her " meals, I. E., love bites. Eat dinner before he gets home, or if you really think you deserve this piece of worm poop, then get yourself some cooking classes. I think you are deserving of better. He is not worth your tIme and effort. Besides, I would go ahead and sue Nelly for alienation of the affections of your husband.. it's been done before and the woman won. also, once she is served her just desserts in the form of an impending lawsuit, she may just back off completely. I seriously doubt the hubby is worth THAT much trouble!
NTA. Besides, he knew when he married you, that you weren't a good cook. Yet he still married you. So... what is up with this? Nelly is making a play for him, thinking she will come out on top of the pile and with your man. But... if he is behaving like this, with some cheap bimbo co worker, is he worth the fight? If he stops abusing your feelings and trust, will he do this again because you don't cook well? It seems to me, that he is playing you and Nelly off each other, and he likes the attention. He is getting off on it.. again making me wonder if he is worth it. He may be your husband, but as so many have already pointed out, he isn't acting like it. If he is unwilling to be called on his inappropriate behaviors and Nelly's also, and says you are being unfair, then he is letting Nelly cook for him as pre seductive behavior And he is obviously egging her on and telling her things at work, or she would've backed off. Also, a really nice and supportive husband would've signed you
Most work places look down on this type of behavior between coworkers, I would talk with him and if he doesn't change I would alert his workplace and wouldn't care if they both get fired because I would be leaving him.
Nelly can have his a*s. Id pack up all his clothes and dump them at Nellys door. They deserve each other
Someone is overstepping their boundary. Women need to respect married men period. Cooking for a married man is completely off limits. Sounds like an emotional affair.
It goes both ways. Married men need to respect their wives enough to decline advances. Nelly sounds like scum, but the husband has a responsibility to respect his wife. He’s being a total jackass.
Load More Replies...I would LOVE Nelly’s meals and point this out by asking, no demanding, that she cooks them all from now on. I’d beg and plead, non stop. I would say that I need more time for myself and cooking for my husband is hindering this that’s why my meals are subpar to hers. If she wanted to I’d be willing to pay her a small fee so that she doesn’t feel entirely useless.
There is a term in bahasa Indonesia for Nelly. Nelly is absolutely a PELAKOR, PEncuri (Thief of) LAki (husband of) ORang (someone else). She is absolutely a thief of someone's husband. It is a disrespect term, not thing to be proud of. The key is on Jesse's. He let himself to be "taken away" by a thief?? Just a wow.
The appropriate way to share cooking talent is to invite them over for dinner as a couple. Her behavior is not friendly.
Sit back and let the cards fall where they may then collect alimony after the dust settles. DO NOT stress nor put unnecessary work into this marriage. Jesse checked out long before the first plate was even given to him. Sometimes it's best to know when to throw in the towel and move on. Get yourself some therapy and work on knowing your worth because this man is clearly a narcissist and has manipulated you to the point of self loathing.
Rating her food once or twice because you didn't make dinner or because you were out of town? Sure. Eating her dinner because he wanted to? Bit of a weird call and a red flag. Also, this was literally a Family Guy plot line
Also, why is she ironing his suits? He's a grown man. He can iron his own damn suits.
He messed up. Happy wife, happy life! He needs to set boundaries with Nelly. He knows you're not comfortable with what she says and doing so he needs to address this with her. If he doesn't do that, then I'd be concerned about what else is going on with Nelly. Could be nothing but, why is he more concerned with keeping his coworker happy than keeping his wife happy? Discuss this with him and if he doesn't address it immediately, your next conversation should be with a divorce lawyer. He is just wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!
Nelly trying to get herself a husband. Yours. Hubby won't see that because in his world, women just naturally do stuff for all men out of the kindness of their hearts and later just "magically* fall in love with them. Please. If I cook a meal and give it to a group of people, I'm being kind. If I cook a meal and give it to one person who I don't know except for work and that person is married, I'm on a mission. And if anyone says "I would never do that. I really AM just being kind!" Then you ARE Nelly! If she were really trying to be helpful, she'd befriend the wife and be like "I get it, boo. Here are some recipes so YOU can make an awesome meal for your hubby." Not make them herself. Nelly is so shady she's practically a cloud, and that is one dark rainstorm about to fall.
And I'll give an example if someone wants to dispute that. And I'm not saying this to toot my own horn, cuz I don't like praise. It makes me feel dishonest somehow. Mission: Nelly made up ONE plate. For the hubby. Only enough for the hubby. That is a mission for sure. Kindness: I made up a whole lasagna for my bosses (woman and her husband) enough that they could BOTH have leftovers or have a meal with several people. Same with the pot of soup I made. And as the hubby is a vegetarian but wife will eat chicken, but sometimes eats vegetarian, I made BOTH items vegetarian, but also an extra of the soup with chicken, so they BOTH could have some. (Female boss has had health issues and male boss is older with health issues and having to take care of his wife, and I wanted them both to eat something filling.) That is kindness. Nelly is a bad word I won't say so this doesn't get deleted!
Load More Replies...“…he promised Nelly he’d eat her for dinner…” Not gonna lie, it sounds like this may be close to happening if Nelly has her way.
I think (or more like HOPE lol) that was just a typo on her part, not actually what was said.
Load More Replies...This seems like a Nelly problem but it’s really a husband problem. Your husband has created a love triangle with himself in the centre as the object of desire that you both are supposed to compete for. You are supposed to do the pick me dance where you cook him better and more elaborate meals, iron his suits to perfection etc while acting jealous. Nelly does the same and he enjoys all the attention and feeling important. He wants you to work hard to keep him while she works hard to get him. His affair with her(and yes, he’s having an affair) will be blamed on you because you didn’t love him enough and work to save your marriage. This isn’t going to end well.
Inappropriate. Someone else's spouse is not your BFF. That is absolutely flirting. If that was my spouse it would be shut down immediately. No excuses. My feelings should matter more than the coworker. Shut it down. Report the inappropriate behavior. Request immediately that one or the other of you be transferred elsewhere. Or lose me and everything I bring to the table. There would be no compromise.
Tldr: I think Jesse is worse than Nelly in this story. --While it does sound like Nelly is trying to steal Jesse away, we don't have any context to suggest that this can happen. For all we know, Nelly could be 30 years older, happily married, loves to cook and just hates OP. Also, Nelly's dinners might be super good and OP super bland. I do think the problem is Jesse. He should have seen how upset OP was about the dinner and NOT had Nelly's food. So the most important question is, "why did Jesse decide to have Nelly's food, even after OP expressed so much frustration over it? " This could be a move by Jesse to gain dominance over OP using Nelly as a p**n. A good move by OP might have been to incorporate Nelly's dinner into the meal and share it. If Nelly only wanted Jesse to enjoy it, it would probably become clear after OP shares it a few times but why didn't Jesse do this to begin with? I'm guessing Jesse is the bad guy here.
Jesse is too busy enjoying the attention of having two women fight over him
Load More Replies...so we just gon ignore the witches out there just waiting for their opportunity to "tek next gyal man" he choose to hurt you, fir his own ego! NTA. she is pointing out what better of a wife shed be to him
Guy pov here...why didn't he just eat both meals? That's where the red flag went up for me. More's goin' on than just being a food s**t.
Send should show up st work place and make a public announcement to her thank you for cooking meals for my husband but I am his wife and I can cook for my husband so please stop dong this !
I'm sorry, why doesn't he cook for himself if he doesn't like her cooking? You've got two women trying to cook for this loser of a man and if it were me, I'd not cook another thing. And if he came home with some other chick's food and joked about her being better at housework, he'd be out on his a*s and getting divorce papers.
There is a lot deeper issues than Nelly and her dinner. Not to mention the oh so saintly women do enjoy drama and f*****g up a good thing.
You think the wife is screwing up a good thing? Pulease!
Load More Replies...NTA get a lawyer, make sure your finances are in place, Nelly is in the hunt for a hubby and set her sights on yours, and because you're not getting support from anyone else she'll win. I would leave them to it, this Nelly has probably done this before and if she has fund out the proof and if you want to keep this tw*t of a husband fight for him..
The way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Watch Nelly. Closely. Shes after your husband.
It sounds to me like the wife has too little selfconfidence. If she thinks she is not a good cook, find a cooking school and learn how to cook better. It is not something, that you can learn on your own without at least cooking for many years. It would help her confidence, which would be attractive to the husband as well as the better food. Of course she could choose to ask his coworker to make a double portion for him to bring home!
Sadly, he’s having an emotional affair with his coworker. He’s obviously more concerned with his coworker’s feelings over yours. What a jerk, truthfully he doesn’t deserve you. This lady friend is clearly after your husband and he’s liking it. Besides isn’t he supposed to be “working”?
You did not say how old Nellie is that would have made a big difference. Ok, do you work? If not maybe you should. Don't be dependent on any man, go and make your own money because this jerk is immature and without his growing up you will not make it as a couple. Lastly, what year is this? I felt I was reading a letter from the '50s. Who irons suits in 2022? that's what cleaners are for.
Nelly is just a small demonic force, entering into your life because your husband allowed her to come in. What person, in their right mind, allows another woman to know anything about his wife like that?? This is a violation of intimacy. It isnt about the food, its about allowing this nonsense into your life.
The only ego in question here is your husband's. Nelly is stroking his ego big time - and it's not going to be too long before she starts stroking something else. Put your foot down or tell him to go live with Nelly and stop acting like a doormat.
I'd divorce him so fast his head would spin. And, I'd get the best divorce lawyer 1st!
Playing devil's advocate, what if I were making meals for a coworker who I felt was not eating healthy enough because my coworker had made comments that he/she wasn't in to eating the meals his/her spouse cooked? I wouldn't be making those meals if I didn't honestly think the wife was ok with that, right? The problem isn't the coworker, the problem starts with Jesse. What is he telling the coworker to give her the go ahead to make, and expect him to eat her meals? I think his intention is to get his spouse to walk out on him, because he's not mature enough to walk out on someone he no longer respects, nor loves.
Sound like your average husband stealing drama. If the husband acted that way with his wife, I'd suggest the wife have a serious discussion about his relationship with his coworker.
??? How is he gonna prioritize his coworkers feelings over his wife's??? Nah, absolutely not. He married op, not Nelly. This woman is a third wheel in her own marriage. Your partner, especially the one you married, should be the person whose feelings you prioritize the most since you've made a life commitment. If he doesn't get it together and agree to have a LONG talk about boundaries, respect, and where his loyalties lie then op should consider those things for herself and get out. Plus if this all is done in front of her, who knows what goes unchecked? Man might start taking extended business trips and working a lotta overtime
The appropriate way to share cooking talent is to invite the couple together for dinner. That's not a friend.
By this same logic, tell Jesse you're gonna start getting head from some other dude cuz his tongue game is weak. Let him know that the dude giving you head doubts Jesse is good for anything.
My father in law didn't like the cooking of my mother in law. So he learned how to cook. From then on he cooked the meals and she baked cakes xD But really, come on. Those am I the Jerk threads are so stupid. You only get one side of the story and probably an exaggerated version of it so it definetly makes the other person look Bad.
He is gaslighting you.. hard. I'd show up to work myself and tell the girl to back down and what the husband's reaction is. I would never of let him eat the food and I would of chucked it.
'Recently, a woman told her story to the subreddit “Am I a [Jerk]?”' just gets me. Like, it still links to the original wording, and it's "the" not "a" and there wasn't a significant reason to change that word, since it's technically a title. Oh, the article? Everyone else has already said my thoughts better than I could say them.
Nelly could be an old lady that can cook and his wife's cooking sucks, no seasoning, over cooked, under cooked. This might not even be about an affair it could be as simple as Nelly can burn and the wife food is burnt.
My bf’s coworker would bring him meals too but she was a nice older lady and my bf would bring me some too. This seems like she’s not a nice older lady but a creeper trying to get your hubs. The thing that’s weird is your hubs is letting it happen. You need to have a conversation with him cause at the end of the day he’s about it and choosing her food over yours.
Smells like more clickbait story. If is this remotely true, I would invite Nelly for a dinner. Or invite her to cook us dinner. Her reaction will show her (and the husband) true colors, I bet.
I can not believe people actually think these are real. I was waiting for part that said "she insisted that he bag up his poop the next day to test it and ensure the picture of the empt plate wasn't fake". Don't get me wrong I think SOME of what OP said was true. She is probably married, probably a terrible cook and her husband probably comes home. I think that sums up the real parts of the story.
I would NOT fight with my husband, because this is what that b*tch WANTS! I'd send her a Thank You card at work (by mail, not by hubby) and tell her how GREAT her food was. Tell her because YOU didn't have to spend all that time cooking, you and Jesse had time to cuddle. He's being an a*s, but I would look on social media to see if she's done this before. I'd also call HR anonymously, and ask if they allow interoffice dating. If they don't, explain what's going on. Get her a*s fired. Tell him you'd like counseling. I'll be damned if I'd give my man up without a fight!
The dude is disgusting and a complete ahole. However, you females do this kind of sh*t all the time, and bash and shame a guy for speaking up about it. "You can't dictate my friends", etc etc etc. It's disgusting. I GUARANTEE if the gender roles were reversed, you'd be complaining about the guy trying to "pick her friends and run her life". So maybe, since you're sooooo against this behavior now, you'll fn learn from it and not do this kind of sh*t to a guy blatantly and shamelessly, you double standards having hypocritical ahole females.
Uhm yeah.... NTA! I've been in love a d married to the same man since I was 17, fixin' to celebrate 35 years. (no biological children) So, let me start with playing the devil's advocate..... MEN ARE CLUELESS! They really are. However, once you you let your feeling known, he should've respected them and you, dumped the food in the trash and kissed you, then apologize for even bringing it home. Men really don't understand that a way to their hearts is through food.... they really don't see that it starts with food, then leads to someth else. (be careful here though, he can always eat her food at lunch so don't be naive) If he clearly doesn't understand, go out buy some take out when he doesn't see it. Then empty it into one of your cookware and act like you cooked it. When he sees it, let him taste it to make sure it tastes right and doesn't need anything. Let him get all excited about it. Then tell him it's for a male at worker cause his g/f is out of town and he has no one to feed him
"He promised Nelly he'd eat her for dinner". That's an odd Freudian slip. I think subconsciously she knows what's going on, and just doesn't want to admit it to herself.
Nothing a well placed iron peg in the middle of the forehead wouldn't fix. Followed by a swift kick in the a*s.
I think she needs to visit his job and ask for Nelly and tell her face to face nicely that she needs to stop cooking completely for her man unless she wants to also cook for her to as in make her a plate. Also she needs to stay in her place because by her cooking everyday for her man is telling her that she wants to be more than friends with her man
I'd also do this in front of HR to let her know I wasn't f*****g off too. And I'd let ner know that telling Jesse about our 'chat will too cost her her job.
Load More Replies...Sounds like she needs to beat the living shxx out of Nelly, or tell hubby to get a new job.
NTA. Nelly is overstepping alright, but the main problem is your husband. Not only is he playing dumb by pretending he doesn't understand what Nelly is trying to do, he is completely on board with that, he disregards your feelings and even has the audacity to blame you for your completely justifiable reaction. Something tells me you won't regret dumping his pathetic a*s.
When my wife left me 2 years ago and has refused to accepted my apology, She found out that my ex few years ago is actually her younger sister.
When my wife left me 2 years ago and has refused to accepted my apology, She found out that my ex few years ago is actually her younger sister. She was furious that her sister and I has kept it as a secret ever since our 12 years of marriage. I just want to say we are back together now, we renewed our vows last week after I did a love reunited spell from (lovesolutiontemple. c om), it only took less than 12 hours for my wife to call me and say she has forgiven me. In two years my wife hasn't called me, she moved to her mother's house where it's even more difficult to reach her. Thanks to (sangopriestesslovesolution @ outlook. c om) for such a miracle that has changed my life forever.
Reading too much into it. You have a problem with it? Go and talk to him about how it makes you feel, and understand how this looks to him instead of seeking validation and unimportant opinion's from an online forum to justify your already existing doubts of cheating and not accepting your jealousy. Like, seriously.
Yet you're on the same forum you denigrate, responding. You're an a*****e.
Load More Replies...What third world country or time portal is this relationship taking place in? Both of them sound like children. The husband sounds like he's gonna hit his wife instead of talking to her, and the wife sounds like she's just gonna sulk and cry instead of doing something about it. She should have said "Bet. Tell her to make me a plate too." If she were secure in her marriage and confident of her husband's fidelity. Or "That's a bold move, dude. You good? Something you want to talk about? Cause that's not a choice a sane person makes. " How do people end up in these longer-term relationships with the IQ, EQ, and confidence of a potato? Also the coworker going for a married dude??? Is the town population like 5??? They good??? They don't sound like they're okay to me.
Really? I have NEVER seen this! Sure you're not Nelly?
Load More Replies...Stuff like this actually happens. 🤷♀️ There are women that are extremely competitive when they set their sights on a man.
Load More Replies...Take cooking lessons my a$$ - if the hubs doesn't like the wife's efforts, let HIM take the lessons and cook for her!
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