Ivy League Girlfriend Looks Down On Lower-Pay Workers, Gets Reminded How Privileged She Is By Partner And Causes A Scene
Our achievements are a huge part of our personality. Try to take them away from us and we’ll view it as an attack against our very core. However, if someone inflates their victories—even worse, uses them to disrespect others—they’re just asking to be brought down to reality.
And that’s exactly what one woman did to her girlfriend who started judging less fortunate people and labeling them as lazy. But eventually, the whole thing turned into a huge fight, and now she isn’t sure if she should apologize or wait for her partner to do it.
Trying to navigate the situation, the woman told her story to the subreddit “Am I The A***ole?“, asking its members to help her make sense of the entire ordeal.
Image credits: bowie15 (not the actual photo)
Adam Howard, Ed.D., who is the Charles A. Dana Professor of Education and Chair of Education Program at Colby College, thinks we can’t completely separate our achievements from privilege.
“Privileged people often want to claim that their achievements/successes are gained through their own merits,” Howard told Bored Panda. “To convince others (and even themselves) that they deserve their achievements, privileged people will claim that their advantages in life have had no role in those achievements. That is just not the case. Yes, they may be hard workers and really smart and make really solid decisions that all lead to their achievements. But this doesn’t mean that their privilege hasn’t had a role in their success/achievements. They’ve had advantages that others have not had. It’s unavoidable – their advantages have played some role in their achievements. Oftentimes, they played a big role.”
Of course, it doesn’t mean that OP’s girlfriend is hopelessly lost for life. She can still learn and grow. However, according to Howard, gaining awareness of our own privilege requires a lot of effort because “privilege is anesthetizing.”
“When you’re privileged, the world around you is structured to conceal how your privilege is benefiting you,” the author of Educating Elites: Class Privilege and Educational Advantage explained. “You aren’t put in the position to be aware of the ways in which you’re placed at an advantage, often at the expense of others. Advantages oftentimes remain invisible to those who benefit from them. So, it takes effort to develop the habits of heart and mind to be conscious of those advantages.”
“You can’t attend a one-off workshop or training and tell yourself that suddenly you’ve built the capacity to be mindful/aware of your privilege. It’s an ongoing process,” Howard said. “But we begin to gain awareness of privilege by identifying our unearned advantages (those advantages we enjoy that others don’t have) and how those advantages relate to other people’s disadvantages. People have to make their advantages less taken for granted and more visible. Not easy to do but essential to acknowledge.”
So far, it sounds like our Harvard graduate isn’t able to look at herself from a neutral point of view.
Howard believes there are at least a few reasons why it’s so difficult for some people to even discuss privilege with others.
“First, privilege means different things to different people,” he highlighted. “There is no one common understanding for the concept. But people use it to speak to all sorts of individual and group advantages. Because of that, it’s a slippery concept. We don’t have the common language to engage in meaningful and productive conversations about privilege.”
“Another reason (and in my view, the most important reason for this difficulty) is that people’s advantages powerfully influence their understandings of self and others,” Howard added.
“For example, their advantages have afforded them particular opportunities and experiences that have shaped their sense of self – who they are. We often don’t pay enough attention to the intrinsic aspects of privilege. But it’s important to emphasize the relationship between privilege and identity.”
Howard thinks privilege is a difficult topic because it speaks directly to how people understand who they are. A lot is at stake here. Especially for those who cherish their ego. “If a privileged person has enjoyed a lot of success in life, they often want to think that is achieved through their own merits – not because there are various scales in their lives that are tipped in their favor,” Howard said.
People thought it was the girlfriend who was in the wrong
Then there’s money. It represents so much in our society: we often use it to measure power, security, experiences, and, in this case, even people.
“Money is so fraught,” George Loewenstein, a professor of economics and psychology at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, told USA TODAY. “[But] it’s how we keep score.”
People who are prone to judge may be masking their own money doubts and fears—shaming draws a line between them and those who are open about their struggles.
“A lot of times the loudest and most judgmental are camouflaging insecurities,” Kit Yarrow, a consumer psychologist and professor emerita at Golden Gate University in San Francisco, explained in the same publication. “The people who are shaming are often not super happy people.”
So maybe OP’s girlfriend is actually not that confident about her status? Maybe, even if it’s internal, she understands that important things in her life are there due to her wealth, so if someone or something stripped it away, her world could crumble?
At this point, you might be wondering how the couple can resolve their conflict. It’s hard to find the answer when we don’t have the full picture, but one thing is certain. A little empathy could go a long way.
Nathan Astle, a student board member of the Financial Therapy Association, believes a good way to start such a dialogue for the judger and judged is to try and understand how each other’s relationship with money differs and appreciate that people face many financial situations and tough trade-offs.
“Once people understand that money choices reflect deeper values, traumas, and life stories, they may see that a financial need for me may not be the same thing it is for you,” he said.
That can help dispel the idea that people without money or who are bad with finances are “lazy” and have only themselves to blame.
Disrespecting people with lower status/income is a fatal flaw as far as I am concerned. I'd end any kind of relationship with a person like that.
She has the "bad trait" of disrespecting people with lower income - "but she's great"...um, yeah, no, she's not...
The person who commented in the original post that the entitled one may have imposter syndrome was dead on. She interpreted that she said she wouldn't be anywhere without her father. It hit a hot button because deep down she knows it's true. She worked hard in Harvard, etc., but she got there by her father pulling some strings. Same thing with her job. Sometimes the truth hurts. It's awful to treat service staff poorly. There by the grace of God go I.
Exactly. Which is why I think telling him to break up with her over it betrays just as much a lack of empathy as these people are accusing her of.
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courtesy of Disney's Aladdin: ""If I were as rich as you, I could afford some manners!""
Bottom line: Sometimes it's better to be single than to be with certain people.
"Destruction of her self conception" sounds like a much needed growth opportunity.
I want to write a children's book "Why you can't be an astronaut". Basically out lining the differing types of privilege in the world and how it can and does change your experiences. Like if you want to be high ranking officer in the military you need more than work ethic and would need to already be with ties to existing offices possibly through A program like West Point which oddly enough means they can outrank many active serviceman. That and higher learning institutions (ivy league) are often used as social connections that you as a normie just won't have access to. Even so called self made millionaire(billionaire with inflation) often had resources that most would never have(dad who paid for everything because he owns an emerald mine). That basically in the end it's just dumb luck when conditions line up for someone to get on the other side of the glass ceiling that wasn't given a keycard by birth
Nothing they said has anything to do with working hard they are saying some people don't have to shave years off there lifespan or health to pay for stuff or get stuff others get for free and BTW a American born to two foreigners with high enough grades for ivy league is a sure in the goverment incentives it while there are only so many spots for other ppl who basically have to know what the ivy leagues schools are supposed to teach just to get that spot so the school pretty much has guaranteed graduates -justin
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Here is the problem I see...you know she treats lower-income or staff like dirt, yet you've stayed with her for 4 years. She got shuttled into her current career by daddy, yet she calls other people lazy instead of recognizing the opportunities that were handed to her on a silver platter. So why are you staying with her? Because you have four years invested? Because she's rich? How long before she sees you as nothing more than an accessory. How long before her friends convince her to ditch you. Don't expect her to change just because you called her on it. I think there are better girlfriends out there than her. Get out while you can.
Thw girlfriend is a bad person. And OP probably is too for making excuses for her tbh. Maybe they should jump into the dumpster together.
Who wrote "destruction her self conception"? I don't think they went to Harvard. :)
OP is not a native English speaker. No need to be rude.
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So tired of rich asses getting things handed to them and then complaining others are lazy when they can't get out of their current situation. I've been looking for a new job so I can leave my current one for almost a year with no luck. Doesn't mean I'm lazy but to be viewed in that light by "them" is frustrating.
Both of them need to do some serious work: OP for considering this woman acceptable dating material - get some standards, and the gf for being unreasonably defensive, and for not recognizing how certain circumstances literally created opportunities for her?? Exhausting.
If it wasn't for all of us with lower paying jobs, who would do any of the things that we get paid to do???? Why does no one ever realize this?
She finished 7 years of school, passed the bar and is now a well paid lawyer in 5 years? Either she's a genius at law or this is made up. DGMW, people definitely have this sort of selfish a$$hat personality, but I don't think it's this person in particular. (Before anyone gets on my case I will openly admit that I have no idea what sort of career you can start with an undergraduate pre-law degree. Maybe you can become a lawyer through nepotism/cronyism...tbh that wouldn't surprise me with the state of the judicial system in America lol)
Doesn't say she's a lawyer. Pretty sure you can have a job at the courthouse without being an actual lawyer.
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This woman is awful. She’s so upset because she knows it’s true. Teachers, BCBAs, waiters, office workers, whatever your occupation is, if you do it well you deserve a liveable wage. This lady really needed to work during college. Barista, waitress, some form of customer service.
I bet she didn't pay for her law school or have to take out student loans, either.
Hahaha her girlfriend is "great". Yeah. She probably thinks she's great because she's loaded and buys her tons of s**t/pays the bills.
She should try and do a job that us "lazy" people do. A college degree and smarts wont get you anywhere in my business. Us " lazy" people usually work pretty damn hard to keep a roof over our familys head and some of us even raise our kids pretty well but they learn they they have to work for the extra that mom and dad cant do. Some of us never had the opportunity to go to college at any time during our lives. Hand to be given a job by any employer we are thankful even if its a job we dont like but we do it because somebody has to and we need the money. This woman is a snob and will prove to be unfaithful in the long run because her head is already twisted on wrong and a good chance ending up with mental disorders that put her in a bad place. She really needs a reality check. Im poor. I live pay check to pay check but some how the good lord helps me to cope and make it. Im thankful for that.
I have a rule that if anyone is rude to our server on a first date, there will not be a second date. She sounds like an out of touch awful person.
ESH. her for being an unrepentant snob. him for thinking "she's great" except for... you know, being a shitty person and being ok with this. idgaf if he's just now calling her on it. she's shitty to people and he tolerated and tacitly enabled it. for years
When the revolution comes we'll cook her up with some fava beans and a nice Chianti... ;-)
I work my butt off, 3 jobs + uni and get treated like poop by snobs who frequent my workplaces. "Better jobs" won't accept me because I refuse to be quiet about my queerness and disability. People who blame poverty on the poor have no clue what institutional barriers we face and need to walk a mile in our shoes to take them down a peg.
You're both a**h****! She is, because she's a privileged snob who has never earned anything on her own. You are, because you think she's "great" although she treats those with less, like trash. You deserve each other!
Your GG has benefited from blatant nepotism and classism. What a pos she is. Dump her.
If the rich girl freaked out and claimed her GF implied she was stupid, she probably doesn't feel all that good about her abilities. She seems to know, deep down inside, that she wouldn't be where she is without her parent's influence. NTAH
Batman, huge privilege, all the money, all the toys, helping the average Joe. We could all learn from batman.
I'm sorry to hear this, but you are not in the wrong. I'm in a similar position. I've worked my ass off from the bottom, while my partner comes from a stupid rich family. I'm talking middle eastern money, not Western money okay, so you can imagine. However, my partner is utterly disgusted when people look down on others for their position in society. Sure at times I have to give him the "honey, your privilege is showing" speech, but there's no ensuing fight, because he is self-aware. Your partner's behavior is a flaw in her character and she can either grow up or you should drop her. Imagine if you start struggling, now you are the worthless being in her eyes. Don't expect support from her for your 'laziness' or whatever else she said. Don't feel bad. She needs a wake up call and money is not an excuse for such behavior. If one can be humble with oil money, then what's her excuse? Poor girl, having to live around all these peasants -_-
This hits the nail on the head. In Law School there was a man whose family donated the building we walked through every day on the way to the Law School. One of my classmates was a grandson who was a very kind person and I never realized the family connection until years later when he was running for public office. He never mentioned it or appeared to flaunt his privilege as opposed to the girl crying because she didn't get into the school she wanted and told me to my face I didn't belong there. I politely bet her that my LSAT was higher than hers but she declined the bet. At the time I was so naive I didn't understand the importance of the school in relationship to the career you can separate people by class but claim it doesn't.have. America loves
Load More Replies... The belief that people in service jobs, are somehow less intelligent, less motived, less educated or less anything is widespread and so very elitist in the worst possible meaning of the term. Being born into money or even into just comfort, does not define you as a human. It does bring you special privileges and opportunities that are denied many others. This is something to be grateful for, not to lord it over others. There is a very old, very apt saying: with wealth and privilege comes responsibility. Today this saying is largely forgotten, which is unfortunate. Be grateful for what you have and use it to help others, not place yourself above others who may have less.
I mean, some people are less intelligent though, and therefore they will naturally occupy jobs that don't require much intelligence.
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Honestly, OP needs to dump her entitled, r******d, spoiled, piece of s**t "girlfriend" because no great person disrespects people of lower income like this and to be even more honest, she may not be the a*****e in this situation but she won't be any better if she stays with that Karen. It's not a "flaw" to disrespect lower income staff, it's just a giant red flag that is telling you to run and never look back.
Theres a reason most people make it mandatory that sumone they date has 2 treat servers etc very well. Its cuz 1 can tell A LOT about a person based on just that! Im PERSONALLY offended AF at this spoiled brat & I can even admit Im privileged due 2 being white & growing up in upper middle class eventhough ive personally been living in poverty 4 like 20 yrs despite having a 142 IQ, always getting good grades in school & wrking my ass off my whole life! This chick is CLUELESS! Some people have mental illnesses, traumatic homes, learning disabilities, a random tragedy, systemic racism that's PROVEN (ex:resumes w/black sounding names r much less likely 2 b chosen) + an infinate # of other factors so the fact shed DARE call anyone lazy wen she has NO IDEA about the real world (btw HARVARD ISNT MORE DIFFICULT THAN ANY OTHER UNIVERSITY, LOOK IT UP) is ignorant AF. Shes NOT "great" watsoever. Shes wats wrong with this world!
Her parents probably didn't have to "pull strings" much to get her into Harvard, because legacy admissions are huge there. "Harvard refused to disclose details, but data made public during its trial over affirmative action showed that family ties carry outsize weight. From 2014 to 2019, the acceptance rate for legacy applicants was 34%, compared with 6% for applicants without legacy status, according to an analysis by the suit's plaintiffs." -Boston.com, Feb 13, 2022
And people complain about affirmative action. This is affirmative action at its finest. Do you think she really had to work hard at Harvard? What about her job? Did she get it on merit? Perhaps that is why people are so shocked that I have accomplished what I have without that type of privilege. After my experiences in Law School with people like her and endless disappointments in the job market I find her privilege disgusting. I love being a lawyer but hell I would be on the Supreme Court now with this type of a leg up. What kind of people are you and your friends? You must be just as privileged for her to even associate with you.
Meh idk. Not enough info. I mean taking the story from the point of view of the writer I would say NTA, but when it comes to couples I think in many cases both partners see things in a completely different way. I once told a guy that if a normal healthy dude didn't have a stable vehicle by 35 he wasn't worth a grown woman's time. Now I know there are places that cars aren't necessary... I wasn't talking about that. And, I know sometimes people fall on hard times. But if a guy can't even get HIMSELF from point A to point B, should he be becoming a we? Anyway the guy gave me a really hard time about being stuck up. But I have been poor. I've been hungry. I've slept in a car without a place before. At some point you got to get tired of being at the bottom of the rope and start climbing. Sure acknowledging that it's way harder for you than for someone else may make ya feel a little better, but what it won't do is get you a single step closer to not being hungry, poor, and/or homeless.
What my point is, what is disrespectful in the BF's mind? Is she rude, or does she of the opinion that most adults shouldn't settle for a minimum wage career. If it's the latter then I'm inclined to agree with her. For the life of me I'll never understand how people can spend a decade or more getting paid minimum wage. I've absolutely worked at that wage as a young adult and it doesn't pay enough to eat, sleep and use toilet paper. I applied anywhere and everywhere every day until someone offered me something worth my time.
Load More Replies... A well off person could pick up a part time job as a server or janitor. You never know who's in that uniform. Also people need to stop measuring success in dollar amounts.
Also, some servers make upwards of 100k annually depending on what market they are in.
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That gf is the AH. I mean obviously anyone that treats people in a service position as a lesser person is not a good person. She can't see past her privilege to understand that there's people that didn't have her opportunities. I wonder how far she would have gotten in life if she didn't have her parents pulling these strings for her. She could have ended up being one of these "lazy" people serving rich people drinks. Who btw are extremely hard working people doing what they can to keep their head above water. I'd break up with her quickly
Her friends are manipulative energy suckers who want to convince the non elitist woman she's the one in the wrong? The socially aware woman shouldn't bend to this emotional blackmail.
yikes - the girlfriend sounds awful. unable to deal with the fact that her rich & powerful daddy helped her to where she's at...too bad for you. NTA. girlfriend is a huge Ass hole though
NTA but her friends are right. She did destroy he GF self-conception but that is a good thing. Parents, friends, and lovers all have an obligation to help people see themself as they truly are so they can grow. She got help from her parents - see it as an example on how she can now help others to succeed not as an insult to her abilities. Ignoring the help we need is just as damaging to a person becoming better as ignoring the good we do ourself in the world. Sometimes you need someone to show you the forest through the trees. I see others saying the GF is horrible and and should be dumped. I disagree - she just needs someone like the poster who loves her enough to help her grow. Bad people only stay bad people when they are not given the chance to change.
She really is great, attagirl. She needs several servings of humble pie a day for a few months, maybe years before she is anything close to "great".
Show her the comic: On a Plate. It's a single comic strip I use to teach students what implicit privilege looks like
OP: Unless, she learns and applies how to respect other people, regardless of their status in life - she is NOT that great of a person. Sadly, seems that her friends are the same way. I commend your patience for being with her.
As far as her friends go, "birds of a feather flock together
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Sounds like she has no concept of reality. It’s a waste of time “grouping others”. Each person has their own story. I’ve met all kinds of people and just because they have a lower paying job doesn’t mean they are broke and hurting. You deserve someone that shares your beliefs or that you can at least talk to without a backlash by them.
NTA your girlfriend is a whiny privileged b***h who could not and would not survive on her own. Move on to better things before she destroys you.
My own concern is You(her girlfriend)... you prolly won't know how much damage it might cause you inwards...trying to keep up with someone who shares basically no understanding about empathy or the hard part of life.. I suggest you leave while you can..
She needs to do Volunteering work somewhere. She needs to see the other side of the world....
Both are TA. The poster, because she attributed her friend's success to being privileged. Actually, for her to have done well at Harvard is her own success and can't be attributed to her parents. The privileged gf is also an A because she is rude to those who work in the service sector and to those who are not as wealthy as she is.
Op trying to open her eyes about peoples backstories was cool. BUT op questioning herself about whether she's the a*****e or not makes her not very convincing that she's so bothered by her girls assholery. She probably already went and kissed her butt.
ESH only because he doesn't have any problem with the already privileged getting even more advantages. She has never really had to earn anything and may have taken the positions of some people who did work their butts off because daddy had friends.
Not enabling her behavior but, I dont feel her gf is a bad person. Just very ignorant. In my eyes she has been spoiled "rotten" a lot of privilege younger ones whos never had to work hard will not be able to understand the challenge of having to do what most others have to do. Get up and work to do what they need/want. How would she understand if she lacks that? So she isn't bad for her lacking empathy. She's been spoiled rotten and now lacks the understanding of how much harder it is when you aren't privileged. Imo it starts with her parents for handicapping her by practically doing most of the heavy lifting. Shes just the result of it all and those who have been forced to deal with her have to suffer. Strip her of her privileges and make her start fresh. Then she'll think differently
"I'm okay with her using her parents to get into her dream school instead of just working harder but I draw the line at disrespecting the help"
Not that it isn't the case here, but the word privilege has become way over (and mostly inappropriately) used in recent years.
Nah, it's just that you don't know what it actually means.
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What? You talk about people having mental disorders but you really harp constantly on the same thing. You sure you don't have OCD or some kind of mania?
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I'm sorry what? You're saying people should be less honest with their partners? That's not how you relationship.
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Disrespecting people with lower status/income is a fatal flaw as far as I am concerned. I'd end any kind of relationship with a person like that.
She has the "bad trait" of disrespecting people with lower income - "but she's great"...um, yeah, no, she's not...
The person who commented in the original post that the entitled one may have imposter syndrome was dead on. She interpreted that she said she wouldn't be anywhere without her father. It hit a hot button because deep down she knows it's true. She worked hard in Harvard, etc., but she got there by her father pulling some strings. Same thing with her job. Sometimes the truth hurts. It's awful to treat service staff poorly. There by the grace of God go I.
Exactly. Which is why I think telling him to break up with her over it betrays just as much a lack of empathy as these people are accusing her of.
Load More Replies... courtesy of Disney's Aladdin: ""If I were as rich as you, I could afford some manners!""
Bottom line: Sometimes it's better to be single than to be with certain people.
"Destruction of her self conception" sounds like a much needed growth opportunity.
I want to write a children's book "Why you can't be an astronaut". Basically out lining the differing types of privilege in the world and how it can and does change your experiences. Like if you want to be high ranking officer in the military you need more than work ethic and would need to already be with ties to existing offices possibly through A program like West Point which oddly enough means they can outrank many active serviceman. That and higher learning institutions (ivy league) are often used as social connections that you as a normie just won't have access to. Even so called self made millionaire(billionaire with inflation) often had resources that most would never have(dad who paid for everything because he owns an emerald mine). That basically in the end it's just dumb luck when conditions line up for someone to get on the other side of the glass ceiling that wasn't given a keycard by birth
Nothing they said has anything to do with working hard they are saying some people don't have to shave years off there lifespan or health to pay for stuff or get stuff others get for free and BTW a American born to two foreigners with high enough grades for ivy league is a sure in the goverment incentives it while there are only so many spots for other ppl who basically have to know what the ivy leagues schools are supposed to teach just to get that spot so the school pretty much has guaranteed graduates -justin
Load More Replies... Here is the problem I see...you know she treats lower-income or staff like dirt, yet you've stayed with her for 4 years. She got shuttled into her current career by daddy, yet she calls other people lazy instead of recognizing the opportunities that were handed to her on a silver platter. So why are you staying with her? Because you have four years invested? Because she's rich? How long before she sees you as nothing more than an accessory. How long before her friends convince her to ditch you. Don't expect her to change just because you called her on it. I think there are better girlfriends out there than her. Get out while you can.
Thw girlfriend is a bad person. And OP probably is too for making excuses for her tbh. Maybe they should jump into the dumpster together.
Who wrote "destruction her self conception"? I don't think they went to Harvard. :)
OP is not a native English speaker. No need to be rude.
Load More Replies... So tired of rich asses getting things handed to them and then complaining others are lazy when they can't get out of their current situation. I've been looking for a new job so I can leave my current one for almost a year with no luck. Doesn't mean I'm lazy but to be viewed in that light by "them" is frustrating.
Both of them need to do some serious work: OP for considering this woman acceptable dating material - get some standards, and the gf for being unreasonably defensive, and for not recognizing how certain circumstances literally created opportunities for her?? Exhausting.
If it wasn't for all of us with lower paying jobs, who would do any of the things that we get paid to do???? Why does no one ever realize this?
She finished 7 years of school, passed the bar and is now a well paid lawyer in 5 years? Either she's a genius at law or this is made up. DGMW, people definitely have this sort of selfish a$$hat personality, but I don't think it's this person in particular. (Before anyone gets on my case I will openly admit that I have no idea what sort of career you can start with an undergraduate pre-law degree. Maybe you can become a lawyer through nepotism/cronyism...tbh that wouldn't surprise me with the state of the judicial system in America lol)
Doesn't say she's a lawyer. Pretty sure you can have a job at the courthouse without being an actual lawyer.
Load More Replies... This woman is awful. She’s so upset because she knows it’s true. Teachers, BCBAs, waiters, office workers, whatever your occupation is, if you do it well you deserve a liveable wage. This lady really needed to work during college. Barista, waitress, some form of customer service.
I bet she didn't pay for her law school or have to take out student loans, either.
Hahaha her girlfriend is "great". Yeah. She probably thinks she's great because she's loaded and buys her tons of s**t/pays the bills.
She should try and do a job that us "lazy" people do. A college degree and smarts wont get you anywhere in my business. Us " lazy" people usually work pretty damn hard to keep a roof over our familys head and some of us even raise our kids pretty well but they learn they they have to work for the extra that mom and dad cant do. Some of us never had the opportunity to go to college at any time during our lives. Hand to be given a job by any employer we are thankful even if its a job we dont like but we do it because somebody has to and we need the money. This woman is a snob and will prove to be unfaithful in the long run because her head is already twisted on wrong and a good chance ending up with mental disorders that put her in a bad place. She really needs a reality check. Im poor. I live pay check to pay check but some how the good lord helps me to cope and make it. Im thankful for that.
I have a rule that if anyone is rude to our server on a first date, there will not be a second date. She sounds like an out of touch awful person.
ESH. her for being an unrepentant snob. him for thinking "she's great" except for... you know, being a shitty person and being ok with this. idgaf if he's just now calling her on it. she's shitty to people and he tolerated and tacitly enabled it. for years
When the revolution comes we'll cook her up with some fava beans and a nice Chianti... ;-)
I work my butt off, 3 jobs + uni and get treated like poop by snobs who frequent my workplaces. "Better jobs" won't accept me because I refuse to be quiet about my queerness and disability. People who blame poverty on the poor have no clue what institutional barriers we face and need to walk a mile in our shoes to take them down a peg.
You're both a**h****! She is, because she's a privileged snob who has never earned anything on her own. You are, because you think she's "great" although she treats those with less, like trash. You deserve each other!
Your GG has benefited from blatant nepotism and classism. What a pos she is. Dump her.
If the rich girl freaked out and claimed her GF implied she was stupid, she probably doesn't feel all that good about her abilities. She seems to know, deep down inside, that she wouldn't be where she is without her parent's influence. NTAH
Batman, huge privilege, all the money, all the toys, helping the average Joe. We could all learn from batman.
I'm sorry to hear this, but you are not in the wrong. I'm in a similar position. I've worked my ass off from the bottom, while my partner comes from a stupid rich family. I'm talking middle eastern money, not Western money okay, so you can imagine. However, my partner is utterly disgusted when people look down on others for their position in society. Sure at times I have to give him the "honey, your privilege is showing" speech, but there's no ensuing fight, because he is self-aware. Your partner's behavior is a flaw in her character and she can either grow up or you should drop her. Imagine if you start struggling, now you are the worthless being in her eyes. Don't expect support from her for your 'laziness' or whatever else she said. Don't feel bad. She needs a wake up call and money is not an excuse for such behavior. If one can be humble with oil money, then what's her excuse? Poor girl, having to live around all these peasants -_-
This hits the nail on the head. In Law School there was a man whose family donated the building we walked through every day on the way to the Law School. One of my classmates was a grandson who was a very kind person and I never realized the family connection until years later when he was running for public office. He never mentioned it or appeared to flaunt his privilege as opposed to the girl crying because she didn't get into the school she wanted and told me to my face I didn't belong there. I politely bet her that my LSAT was higher than hers but she declined the bet. At the time I was so naive I didn't understand the importance of the school in relationship to the career you can separate people by class but claim it doesn't.have. America loves
Load More Replies... The belief that people in service jobs, are somehow less intelligent, less motived, less educated or less anything is widespread and so very elitist in the worst possible meaning of the term. Being born into money or even into just comfort, does not define you as a human. It does bring you special privileges and opportunities that are denied many others. This is something to be grateful for, not to lord it over others. There is a very old, very apt saying: with wealth and privilege comes responsibility. Today this saying is largely forgotten, which is unfortunate. Be grateful for what you have and use it to help others, not place yourself above others who may have less.
I mean, some people are less intelligent though, and therefore they will naturally occupy jobs that don't require much intelligence.
Load More Replies... Honestly, OP needs to dump her entitled, r******d, spoiled, piece of s**t "girlfriend" because no great person disrespects people of lower income like this and to be even more honest, she may not be the a*****e in this situation but she won't be any better if she stays with that Karen. It's not a "flaw" to disrespect lower income staff, it's just a giant red flag that is telling you to run and never look back.
Theres a reason most people make it mandatory that sumone they date has 2 treat servers etc very well. Its cuz 1 can tell A LOT about a person based on just that! Im PERSONALLY offended AF at this spoiled brat & I can even admit Im privileged due 2 being white & growing up in upper middle class eventhough ive personally been living in poverty 4 like 20 yrs despite having a 142 IQ, always getting good grades in school & wrking my ass off my whole life! This chick is CLUELESS! Some people have mental illnesses, traumatic homes, learning disabilities, a random tragedy, systemic racism that's PROVEN (ex:resumes w/black sounding names r much less likely 2 b chosen) + an infinate # of other factors so the fact shed DARE call anyone lazy wen she has NO IDEA about the real world (btw HARVARD ISNT MORE DIFFICULT THAN ANY OTHER UNIVERSITY, LOOK IT UP) is ignorant AF. Shes NOT "great" watsoever. Shes wats wrong with this world!
Her parents probably didn't have to "pull strings" much to get her into Harvard, because legacy admissions are huge there. "Harvard refused to disclose details, but data made public during its trial over affirmative action showed that family ties carry outsize weight. From 2014 to 2019, the acceptance rate for legacy applicants was 34%, compared with 6% for applicants without legacy status, according to an analysis by the suit's plaintiffs." -Boston.com, Feb 13, 2022
And people complain about affirmative action. This is affirmative action at its finest. Do you think she really had to work hard at Harvard? What about her job? Did she get it on merit? Perhaps that is why people are so shocked that I have accomplished what I have without that type of privilege. After my experiences in Law School with people like her and endless disappointments in the job market I find her privilege disgusting. I love being a lawyer but hell I would be on the Supreme Court now with this type of a leg up. What kind of people are you and your friends? You must be just as privileged for her to even associate with you.
Meh idk. Not enough info. I mean taking the story from the point of view of the writer I would say NTA, but when it comes to couples I think in many cases both partners see things in a completely different way. I once told a guy that if a normal healthy dude didn't have a stable vehicle by 35 he wasn't worth a grown woman's time. Now I know there are places that cars aren't necessary... I wasn't talking about that. And, I know sometimes people fall on hard times. But if a guy can't even get HIMSELF from point A to point B, should he be becoming a we? Anyway the guy gave me a really hard time about being stuck up. But I have been poor. I've been hungry. I've slept in a car without a place before. At some point you got to get tired of being at the bottom of the rope and start climbing. Sure acknowledging that it's way harder for you than for someone else may make ya feel a little better, but what it won't do is get you a single step closer to not being hungry, poor, and/or homeless.
What my point is, what is disrespectful in the BF's mind? Is she rude, or does she of the opinion that most adults shouldn't settle for a minimum wage career. If it's the latter then I'm inclined to agree with her. For the life of me I'll never understand how people can spend a decade or more getting paid minimum wage. I've absolutely worked at that wage as a young adult and it doesn't pay enough to eat, sleep and use toilet paper. I applied anywhere and everywhere every day until someone offered me something worth my time.
Load More Replies... A well off person could pick up a part time job as a server or janitor. You never know who's in that uniform. Also people need to stop measuring success in dollar amounts.
Also, some servers make upwards of 100k annually depending on what market they are in.
Load More Replies... That gf is the AH. I mean obviously anyone that treats people in a service position as a lesser person is not a good person. She can't see past her privilege to understand that there's people that didn't have her opportunities. I wonder how far she would have gotten in life if she didn't have her parents pulling these strings for her. She could have ended up being one of these "lazy" people serving rich people drinks. Who btw are extremely hard working people doing what they can to keep their head above water. I'd break up with her quickly
Her friends are manipulative energy suckers who want to convince the non elitist woman she's the one in the wrong? The socially aware woman shouldn't bend to this emotional blackmail.
yikes - the girlfriend sounds awful. unable to deal with the fact that her rich & powerful daddy helped her to where she's at...too bad for you. NTA. girlfriend is a huge Ass hole though
NTA but her friends are right. She did destroy he GF self-conception but that is a good thing. Parents, friends, and lovers all have an obligation to help people see themself as they truly are so they can grow. She got help from her parents - see it as an example on how she can now help others to succeed not as an insult to her abilities. Ignoring the help we need is just as damaging to a person becoming better as ignoring the good we do ourself in the world. Sometimes you need someone to show you the forest through the trees. I see others saying the GF is horrible and and should be dumped. I disagree - she just needs someone like the poster who loves her enough to help her grow. Bad people only stay bad people when they are not given the chance to change.
She really is great, attagirl. She needs several servings of humble pie a day for a few months, maybe years before she is anything close to "great".
Show her the comic: On a Plate. It's a single comic strip I use to teach students what implicit privilege looks like
OP: Unless, she learns and applies how to respect other people, regardless of their status in life - she is NOT that great of a person. Sadly, seems that her friends are the same way. I commend your patience for being with her.
As far as her friends go, "birds of a feather flock together
Load More Replies... Sounds like she has no concept of reality. It’s a waste of time “grouping others”. Each person has their own story. I’ve met all kinds of people and just because they have a lower paying job doesn’t mean they are broke and hurting. You deserve someone that shares your beliefs or that you can at least talk to without a backlash by them.
NTA your girlfriend is a whiny privileged b***h who could not and would not survive on her own. Move on to better things before she destroys you.
My own concern is You(her girlfriend)... you prolly won't know how much damage it might cause you inwards...trying to keep up with someone who shares basically no understanding about empathy or the hard part of life.. I suggest you leave while you can..
She needs to do Volunteering work somewhere. She needs to see the other side of the world....
Both are TA. The poster, because she attributed her friend's success to being privileged. Actually, for her to have done well at Harvard is her own success and can't be attributed to her parents. The privileged gf is also an A because she is rude to those who work in the service sector and to those who are not as wealthy as she is.
Op trying to open her eyes about peoples backstories was cool. BUT op questioning herself about whether she's the a*****e or not makes her not very convincing that she's so bothered by her girls assholery. She probably already went and kissed her butt.
ESH only because he doesn't have any problem with the already privileged getting even more advantages. She has never really had to earn anything and may have taken the positions of some people who did work their butts off because daddy had friends.
Not enabling her behavior but, I dont feel her gf is a bad person. Just very ignorant. In my eyes she has been spoiled "rotten" a lot of privilege younger ones whos never had to work hard will not be able to understand the challenge of having to do what most others have to do. Get up and work to do what they need/want. How would she understand if she lacks that? So she isn't bad for her lacking empathy. She's been spoiled rotten and now lacks the understanding of how much harder it is when you aren't privileged. Imo it starts with her parents for handicapping her by practically doing most of the heavy lifting. Shes just the result of it all and those who have been forced to deal with her have to suffer. Strip her of her privileges and make her start fresh. Then she'll think differently
"I'm okay with her using her parents to get into her dream school instead of just working harder but I draw the line at disrespecting the help"
Not that it isn't the case here, but the word privilege has become way over (and mostly inappropriately) used in recent years.
Nah, it's just that you don't know what it actually means.
Load More Replies... What? You talk about people having mental disorders but you really harp constantly on the same thing. You sure you don't have OCD or some kind of mania?
Load More Replies... I'm sorry what? You're saying people should be less honest with their partners? That's not how you relationship.
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