“That Was It”: Man Has Had Enough Of In-Laws Visiting Without Notice
Interview
A new baby is thrilling for everyone in the family. It’s understandable for grandparents, aunts and uncles to rush to see the newborn and want to be around as much as possible to help out and bond with the tiniest member of the family. But there are still common courtesies that apply to visiting relatives, and it’s important to not make the new parents’ lives any harder. They want to enjoy this time with their little one too, and if they don’t need any extra help, visiting too often can be more of a curse than a blessing.
One father recently shared on Reddit that he has found himself wrapped up in conflict with his in-laws after attempting to set boundaries on when they were allowed to visit. He wanted some outside opinions on whether or not he was being reasonable, so below, you’ll find the father’s full explanation of the situation, as well as an interview between him and Bored Panda, and some of the replies his post received. Let us know what you think about all of this in the comments, and then if you’re looking for even more articles detailing drama between in-laws, you can find a couple more juicy stories here and here.
This father is wondering if he was justified in laying down the law and setting boundaries with his in-laws
Image credits: Jessica Furtney (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Bored Panda (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Helena Lopes (not the actual photo)
Image credits: johnbilbobadger
We reached out to this father on Reddit to hear if there had been any updates on the situation since he posted about it online, and he is happy to report that the conflict has been resolved. “Everything went better, my in-laws understood, and now we have a good relationship,” he told Bored Panda.
We also asked him if the relationship between him and his in-laws had been tumultuous in the past. “We’ve had a couple of issues before, but none of them were bad enough,” he shared. “I think this time I lost it because I have a thing for privacy and boundaries.”
We also asked the father how it felt reading all of the replies that his post received reassuring him that he was not the jerk in the situation. “At first I felt supported, it was all good, but when it went sort of viral I felt bad because even if I was not the [jerk], I felt like an attention [seeker], and that was definitely not the point,” he told Bored Panda.
“You know, 10 people telling you you’re NTA is cool, but hundreds of people telling you that (some of them just saying I should get a divorce) kinda defeats the purpose,” he explained. “Maybe in the end, I felt like I was indeed the [jerk] just for posting that instead of talking to my wife at the time.”
“I do think anyone should call before visiting, but sometimes I regret posting my situation because I don’t like that level of attention,” the father admitted.
He is certainly justified in his desire for privacy and boundaries within his family, but I can also understand how the post blowing up might have been a lot to handle. Thankfully, the situation has been resolved, so if you’d like to share your thoughts below, please keep in mind that there is no need to harp on the in-laws. Let’s keep it kind, pandas. And if you’ve ever found yourself in drama with your in-laws, feel free to share how you managed to navigate those situations.
Readers have assured the father that he was being perfectly reasonable and his boundaries should be respected
My own mother did this to me, brought her colleagues round to see 'her' baby, after I'd expressly asked for a phone call first. My daughter's birth was so traumatic, we both almost died. She had no signs of life, i haemorraged, needed untold stitches. A bad time. My lil zombie baby and me needed time to recover. Not be put on parade unannounced.
That’s horrible. Especially because her colleagues are basically strangers to you. Hope you and the baby are alright now.
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As an introvert, people coming over unannounced is a personal nightmare. I need my time and my space so I want to be able to invent an excuse if really don't feel like meeting people. I'm also quite a perfectionist, so I'd hate to show my house and myself when "not in order". If I'm not expecting visitors, the house is not always necessarily clean and tidy; I might be doing some cleaning so I'd be quite sweaty and definitely wearing old comfy clothes, my hair might need a shampoo... Yeah, no. Absolutely call first. Or better, wait for my invitation.
Maybe it’s cultural? I’m Mexican, and in my family… we just show up. “Mi casa is su casa” is a literal saying. Although, I’m going to add that it applies to only family or close friends that are akin to family. Otherwise, you call first. But I do see this as a boundary issue. There is nothing wrong with being asked to call first or wait for an invitation. And if you’ve been asked to call first… then you respect that and YOU CALL FIRST!
It might be a cultural thing. However, if any of my Mexican relatives 'drop by', they wouldn't leave my kitchen a mess. They would bring a meal and offer to do laundry or watch the baby while I slept.
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This is a "the new baby belongs to everyone" issue. It's bulls**t and extremely hard on new parents. I wish people would stop feeling entitled to other peoples babies.
Want to stop them from just dropping by? Answer the door wearing almost nothing. Or bondage gear.
I did something similar with my ex's mother. Milky glass door... I went up and down the hall in my underwear. It worked.
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Some parents cannot understand that they’re not in charge anymore when they’re in their children’s houses and not their own. Your kids are grown, they don’t live in your house anymore. You become the guest in their house, so you no longer get to call the shots—-they do. Quit being such f*****g control freaks, and leave your children TF alone, especially if they have a newborn, until invited. Offer to help if they need it. Then wait for their call, but don’t just assume they need help and barge in uninvited.
I have no problem with friends or family just showing up, but then they a) have to accept if I am busy and come back some other time and b) it is understood that this is just for a quick chat or coffee. The idea of somebody ringing my doorbell repeatedly until I open (hello??? Get a clue?) or staying the entire day just freaks me out.
Oh god, I hear this. You ask people time and again not to pop in unannounced and they never, ever listen.
Boundries go in different places. My grandparents lived next door to two of my aunts and uncles families. Grandparents and one aunt and uncle were no-boundries. Family going back and forth at all hours without notice, visitors to one were free to stroll into the other, kid's didn't ask permission to go to over to grandma's etc. No locks on the doors, even if they're out, just walk in and be at home. The other Aunt and Uncle's house didn't work like that. There was a one-way boundry. No one went to their place without calling first. Why? That actually never came up, it was just how they liked it. Even as kids, it was understood, you want to go play with that set of cousins, you phone and ask first. Making your boundries clear is NTA.
Can we PLEASE have some AITA posts with some CONTROVERSY? Why does BP always pick those that are absolutely clear whether the person is an ásshole or not?
That's when you know that there is just a person making those stories up. Like "aunt agony" column in a newspaper. Just for people to read about imaginary problems and express their opinions.
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my house is on the corner. my son lives on one side of me. my parents live on the other side. it has been like this for almost 10 yrs. i have been in my son's home maybe a dozen times but always call before going. he calls before coming over but sometimes will just pop his head in and ask. dad always calls before except at dinner time since mom passed when i expect him for dinner. it's called boundaries. on the other hand when i was married his family would come at any time, not knock, and just walk in. after his sister walked in with her kids and i was not dressed i told her that she either had to call, at least knock, or her kids were going to get an early education in anatomy as i clean house in the nude. pretty much stopped the impromptu visits.
so for the inlaws to go over with siblings and nieces/nephews all at once it would have had to be coordinated between them but they left you out of the coordination apparently. Unbelievably rude.
I come from a family where I grew up just randomly dropping in on my grandparents and a few other relatives, not thinking anything of it. If they weren't home/didn't answer you freakin leave, lol. I had a few buddies in my home town where I didn't call or anything, I was just expected to show up, so that's what I did. That was OUR dynamic. I don't have that kind of relationship with anyone in my life currently, and that's okay, different people have different boundaries depending on their "audience"
Always call BEFORE showing up. And if they don't answer, assume they are busy, or aren't receiving visitors, or whatever. Do NOT continue calling. The sole exception to this rule is emergencies. If its an emergency and I'm required, then show up. And DO NOT, under any circumstances, say "I'll tell you when I get there" or "we need to talk". My mind will always go to the worst place and I'll stress myself out.
Turn up without notice, en masse, stay all day and then leave a mess when you go? No thank you. Sounds like a sure route to making yourself unwelcome. Having had kids themselves you'd think OP's FIL & MIL would remember that sometimes new parents need a lie in because they had a bad night, or might not be able to come to the door immediately when someone arrives unexpectedly because they might be busy tending the baby or using their first opportunity of the day to get a shower, so going off at the parents is just... And that is without considering that one of the new parents is an introvert or struggles in social situations for another reason.
Neither family bombarded me at home with any of our 4 children. A (very) good friend called first, then did a load of laundry, while that was occurring, vacuumed the floor. What a pos of a family to stay all day and not do anything of help BUT leave a mess in the Kitchen. Who does this to a relative of a newborn? "Sign-up for work, give a time for said work and we will let you know if it's worthy of the visit" Might be the new path moving forward (and rules to consider?)
The in laws are being completely ridiculous. Calling before you visit your daughter's house is not too much of a request. If I was the OP, I would be upset, especially when if people are yelling at me because I am doing things in my own home and can't come to the door right away. You don't visit someone's home and stay for hours and hours. You certainly don't make a mess of their home. If the in laws can't abide by the rules then they can't come over for visits. Having boundaries is the only way to have any peace.
My mother is terrible for this, any time I was single she thought nothing of turning up to my home unannounced, however while I was married she would call to make sure it was okay to come by.
I used to live in a culture where most people did as the in laws did; just appeared without calling. Then, it slowly changed and they actually called first before they came. And then, they would call a few days ahead to actually set a date and time. My mother used to hate having to call first but she now understands it better after having people drop in unannounced, expecting to be entertained and fed.
Start showing up at siblings and parents houses 2 times a day (early morning and at random evening time) every day for a week straight. Then after week sit them down to ask how did they feel about it, and make your point then.
only works if you know they wouldn't like it, otherwise it sends mixed messages and sets a bad precedence
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Oh, where I am coming from people just drop by unannounced. I can't stand it, but if you ask them not to do that, they get either angry or just ignore you (because it's a "cultural" thing. There is nothing "cultural" about it. If someone does not want you to come without notice, just DON'T
Congrats OP on your baby. I vote NTA. Hope your wife can get behind the invite-only deal. If she keeps giving the in-laws an inch they will demand a mile!
My dad wonders why I always ask through a call or text to visit him and my mom since they moved to our city. He's like, "You can just come over. Why do you always ask?" I responded, "So you remember to do the same for us."
As a British hermit, I don't even like people phoning me without notice.. or texting without formal written notice.. or making eye contact without a court writ.
NTA. My in-laws did this too. I was kind ok with it for the first year because it wasn't too intrusive and we had just returned from living overseas, so I got it that they wanted to spend extra time with their son and grandchild. Then the second baby was born and the visits just ramped up until they were turning up early on Sunday morning when we were all in pajamas and still eating breakfast. I put my foot down. Was clear that I wanted them to visit, but they needed to call at least an hour in advance and Sunday mornings were now sacred - no visitors at all before lunch.
Many many years ago when I was in a relationship with my first boyfriend and we'd just started living together, his two older sister's would pitch up on our doorstep on the weekends with various children in tow (between the two of them they had 7 kids). We made it very clear that they were not to come by uninvited, especially not with kids that we were not in any position to entertain. We had a phone but used an answering machine to screen calls. One times his oldest sister asked if she could come by and talk to my bf about a computer course that she was doing and she had permission to come by herself; instead she showed up with two of her kids and her latest boyfriend. I made her children sit with their noses in the corner since I had no toys and I was not going to let them chase my cats. The boyfriend tried to get all handsy with me, and I threatened to castrate him if he ever came near me again; I kicked him out with the kids and they had to wait downstairs in the car. Sister-in-law was livid but they never came to our place again. I'm not sure it made her angrier the way I treat her kids, the way I treated her boyfriend, or the way he treated me.
When you have a new baby you might only get to sleep when the baby sleeps. Waking a new parent like that is just evil. If I get jerked awake by someone when I'm sleep deprived, I will either fight them or just break down & cry (honestly no way to know which one it will be).
Unexpected company is uninvited company. I had a friend that thought that whatever you were doing alone would be better with company. I denied him entry many many times. Eating Cheetos in your underpants and wiping your fingers on your undershirt while listening to The Cars is better without company.
My first thought was, with calling 20 times weren't they worried they would wake the baby?
There are definitely relationships where dropping by unannounced is "the norm", but in general you call first. And regardless, if the boundary of call and ask first has been set, that's what you do. This is classic parents not respecting that their daughter is no longer their child, but an adult with her own family. I bet they didn't knock on her bedroom door growing up, either
After my ex and I broke up many, many years ago when we were on semi-decent term he'd pull this... Just come to my house without texting or calling first until I put my foot down. Shortly after that one evening (around supper) I'm chillin, watching something on my laptop and my dumbass forgot to lock the door (NEVER AGAIN). All of a sudden, I hear "hi" behind me. The words that came outta my mouth would've educated a trucker/sailor hybrid. After rippin him a new one he just muttered "well, I did text you..." I look at my phone, which was next to me and screen down. Sure enough there's a text from him and he thought that was good enough. No we did not share the house, rent, mortgage. No we didn't have any kids together, we had nothing shared.... but needless to say, we ain't on good terms anymore
Move. Preferably to another continent. Don't tell your family anything. They like surprises when it comes to visiting, and an empty house is a big surprise.
I grew up on a dead end road with my grandparents as our only neighbors. Then my sister put a house on the acre between us. We came and went as we pleased between the houses but I think we were a bit unique. Extended family would just stop by often, not having memorized the phone numbers or my grandpa would be on the phone for 4+ hours without call waiting. But if someone had a new baby, you made quick visits and usually brought food. If it wasn't a good time or no one was home, no feelings hurt. We seem to be the minority. The only time people asked when a good time to come was when my mom was home with hospice nurses. They were visiting, just wanted to know the best time for my mom. Close but respectful
I have the opposite problem. My in-laws never visit and never help out. It has resulted in my housework getting really bad though, as I never feel the push to have my home being “visitor ready” 🤣. I hope this family does manage to put a halt to this drop over anytime and never leave behaviour. Maybe come to the door in some extreme sex gear? 😉
Wow, my parents lived next door to me for 17 years on our farm and called before stopping by. My daughter, SIL and grandkids now live in Mom and Dad's house and call before stopping to see me. I've never asked them to, it's how we were all raised. It's common courtesy.
WTF? I can't imagine anyone in my family behaving that way. I would have absolutely no problem slamming the door in these intrusive a$$hole's faces.
My brother and his family live maybe 20 minutes walk away, I visit them fairly regularly. But I get that they're busy people with their own lives, and I get in touch a few days before I plan visiting just to check that it's ok to come over - and even then my visits are only a couple of hours long.
This kind of boundary craziness isn’t uncommon when there’s a new baby. It happens around weddings and funerals too. Life changes bring out the crazy. The in laws are feeling like they don’t have control and aren’t in the centre of things so they act out. They want to control their daughters family like she is still a kid. LW needs to firm up boundaries and keep the in-laws from pushing his wife’s buttons.
I'm an AH in these situations. I would tell them to go TFK home and give them 5 minute, then call the police. Inlaws or any family do NOT get to violate boundaries, EVER.
Are your in-laws witnesses? Show up at the most inconvenient times, ring the doorbell and knocks forever. If you make the horrible mistake of letting them in they will be there for days.
I moved recently from a city to a smaller town. To live together with my boyfriend. And u notice that its common to enter the backdoor of you have a garden and you can acces it from the street. I remember that of was like that with my grandparents there house also like that. So everybody family, Friends, neigbhours would come in trough the backdoor first knocking of course. In the beginning i didnt like it. Because sometimes you want to hang out in your pijamas for 24hours. But know i am used to it and kinda like it that people know there are always welcome and it helped me to care less what people think you are wearing or how you look. I am also an introvert so i get it. But maybe this is good to stay trained for social interaction 😂
Boredpanda used to be about interesting or funny facts. Getting bored of this personal bs and the am i the a*****e sh/t
You don't have to read anything that doesn't interest you.
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Nope. Needing alone time to recharge or enjoying silence and calm does not mean anyone has relationship issues.
Load More Replies... My own mother did this to me, brought her colleagues round to see 'her' baby, after I'd expressly asked for a phone call first. My daughter's birth was so traumatic, we both almost died. She had no signs of life, i haemorraged, needed untold stitches. A bad time. My lil zombie baby and me needed time to recover. Not be put on parade unannounced.
That’s horrible. Especially because her colleagues are basically strangers to you. Hope you and the baby are alright now.
Load More Replies... As an introvert, people coming over unannounced is a personal nightmare. I need my time and my space so I want to be able to invent an excuse if really don't feel like meeting people. I'm also quite a perfectionist, so I'd hate to show my house and myself when "not in order". If I'm not expecting visitors, the house is not always necessarily clean and tidy; I might be doing some cleaning so I'd be quite sweaty and definitely wearing old comfy clothes, my hair might need a shampoo... Yeah, no. Absolutely call first. Or better, wait for my invitation.
Maybe it’s cultural? I’m Mexican, and in my family… we just show up. “Mi casa is su casa” is a literal saying. Although, I’m going to add that it applies to only family or close friends that are akin to family. Otherwise, you call first. But I do see this as a boundary issue. There is nothing wrong with being asked to call first or wait for an invitation. And if you’ve been asked to call first… then you respect that and YOU CALL FIRST!
It might be a cultural thing. However, if any of my Mexican relatives 'drop by', they wouldn't leave my kitchen a mess. They would bring a meal and offer to do laundry or watch the baby while I slept.
Load More Replies... This is a "the new baby belongs to everyone" issue. It's bulls**t and extremely hard on new parents. I wish people would stop feeling entitled to other peoples babies.
Want to stop them from just dropping by? Answer the door wearing almost nothing. Or bondage gear.
I did something similar with my ex's mother. Milky glass door... I went up and down the hall in my underwear. It worked.
Load More Replies... Some parents cannot understand that they’re not in charge anymore when they’re in their children’s houses and not their own. Your kids are grown, they don’t live in your house anymore. You become the guest in their house, so you no longer get to call the shots—-they do. Quit being such f*****g control freaks, and leave your children TF alone, especially if they have a newborn, until invited. Offer to help if they need it. Then wait for their call, but don’t just assume they need help and barge in uninvited.
I have no problem with friends or family just showing up, but then they a) have to accept if I am busy and come back some other time and b) it is understood that this is just for a quick chat or coffee. The idea of somebody ringing my doorbell repeatedly until I open (hello??? Get a clue?) or staying the entire day just freaks me out.
Oh god, I hear this. You ask people time and again not to pop in unannounced and they never, ever listen.
Boundries go in different places. My grandparents lived next door to two of my aunts and uncles families. Grandparents and one aunt and uncle were no-boundries. Family going back and forth at all hours without notice, visitors to one were free to stroll into the other, kid's didn't ask permission to go to over to grandma's etc. No locks on the doors, even if they're out, just walk in and be at home. The other Aunt and Uncle's house didn't work like that. There was a one-way boundry. No one went to their place without calling first. Why? That actually never came up, it was just how they liked it. Even as kids, it was understood, you want to go play with that set of cousins, you phone and ask first. Making your boundries clear is NTA.
Can we PLEASE have some AITA posts with some CONTROVERSY? Why does BP always pick those that are absolutely clear whether the person is an ásshole or not?
That's when you know that there is just a person making those stories up. Like "aunt agony" column in a newspaper. Just for people to read about imaginary problems and express their opinions.
Load More Replies... my house is on the corner. my son lives on one side of me. my parents live on the other side. it has been like this for almost 10 yrs. i have been in my son's home maybe a dozen times but always call before going. he calls before coming over but sometimes will just pop his head in and ask. dad always calls before except at dinner time since mom passed when i expect him for dinner. it's called boundaries. on the other hand when i was married his family would come at any time, not knock, and just walk in. after his sister walked in with her kids and i was not dressed i told her that she either had to call, at least knock, or her kids were going to get an early education in anatomy as i clean house in the nude. pretty much stopped the impromptu visits.
so for the inlaws to go over with siblings and nieces/nephews all at once it would have had to be coordinated between them but they left you out of the coordination apparently. Unbelievably rude.
I come from a family where I grew up just randomly dropping in on my grandparents and a few other relatives, not thinking anything of it. If they weren't home/didn't answer you freakin leave, lol. I had a few buddies in my home town where I didn't call or anything, I was just expected to show up, so that's what I did. That was OUR dynamic. I don't have that kind of relationship with anyone in my life currently, and that's okay, different people have different boundaries depending on their "audience"
Always call BEFORE showing up. And if they don't answer, assume they are busy, or aren't receiving visitors, or whatever. Do NOT continue calling. The sole exception to this rule is emergencies. If its an emergency and I'm required, then show up. And DO NOT, under any circumstances, say "I'll tell you when I get there" or "we need to talk". My mind will always go to the worst place and I'll stress myself out.
Turn up without notice, en masse, stay all day and then leave a mess when you go? No thank you. Sounds like a sure route to making yourself unwelcome. Having had kids themselves you'd think OP's FIL & MIL would remember that sometimes new parents need a lie in because they had a bad night, or might not be able to come to the door immediately when someone arrives unexpectedly because they might be busy tending the baby or using their first opportunity of the day to get a shower, so going off at the parents is just... And that is without considering that one of the new parents is an introvert or struggles in social situations for another reason.
Neither family bombarded me at home with any of our 4 children. A (very) good friend called first, then did a load of laundry, while that was occurring, vacuumed the floor. What a pos of a family to stay all day and not do anything of help BUT leave a mess in the Kitchen. Who does this to a relative of a newborn? "Sign-up for work, give a time for said work and we will let you know if it's worthy of the visit" Might be the new path moving forward (and rules to consider?)
The in laws are being completely ridiculous. Calling before you visit your daughter's house is not too much of a request. If I was the OP, I would be upset, especially when if people are yelling at me because I am doing things in my own home and can't come to the door right away. You don't visit someone's home and stay for hours and hours. You certainly don't make a mess of their home. If the in laws can't abide by the rules then they can't come over for visits. Having boundaries is the only way to have any peace.
My mother is terrible for this, any time I was single she thought nothing of turning up to my home unannounced, however while I was married she would call to make sure it was okay to come by.
I used to live in a culture where most people did as the in laws did; just appeared without calling. Then, it slowly changed and they actually called first before they came. And then, they would call a few days ahead to actually set a date and time. My mother used to hate having to call first but she now understands it better after having people drop in unannounced, expecting to be entertained and fed.
Start showing up at siblings and parents houses 2 times a day (early morning and at random evening time) every day for a week straight. Then after week sit them down to ask how did they feel about it, and make your point then.
only works if you know they wouldn't like it, otherwise it sends mixed messages and sets a bad precedence
Load More Replies... Oh, where I am coming from people just drop by unannounced. I can't stand it, but if you ask them not to do that, they get either angry or just ignore you (because it's a "cultural" thing. There is nothing "cultural" about it. If someone does not want you to come without notice, just DON'T
Congrats OP on your baby. I vote NTA. Hope your wife can get behind the invite-only deal. If she keeps giving the in-laws an inch they will demand a mile!
My dad wonders why I always ask through a call or text to visit him and my mom since they moved to our city. He's like, "You can just come over. Why do you always ask?" I responded, "So you remember to do the same for us."
As a British hermit, I don't even like people phoning me without notice.. or texting without formal written notice.. or making eye contact without a court writ.
NTA. My in-laws did this too. I was kind ok with it for the first year because it wasn't too intrusive and we had just returned from living overseas, so I got it that they wanted to spend extra time with their son and grandchild. Then the second baby was born and the visits just ramped up until they were turning up early on Sunday morning when we were all in pajamas and still eating breakfast. I put my foot down. Was clear that I wanted them to visit, but they needed to call at least an hour in advance and Sunday mornings were now sacred - no visitors at all before lunch.
Many many years ago when I was in a relationship with my first boyfriend and we'd just started living together, his two older sister's would pitch up on our doorstep on the weekends with various children in tow (between the two of them they had 7 kids). We made it very clear that they were not to come by uninvited, especially not with kids that we were not in any position to entertain. We had a phone but used an answering machine to screen calls. One times his oldest sister asked if she could come by and talk to my bf about a computer course that she was doing and she had permission to come by herself; instead she showed up with two of her kids and her latest boyfriend. I made her children sit with their noses in the corner since I had no toys and I was not going to let them chase my cats. The boyfriend tried to get all handsy with me, and I threatened to castrate him if he ever came near me again; I kicked him out with the kids and they had to wait downstairs in the car. Sister-in-law was livid but they never came to our place again. I'm not sure it made her angrier the way I treat her kids, the way I treated her boyfriend, or the way he treated me.
When you have a new baby you might only get to sleep when the baby sleeps. Waking a new parent like that is just evil. If I get jerked awake by someone when I'm sleep deprived, I will either fight them or just break down & cry (honestly no way to know which one it will be).
Unexpected company is uninvited company. I had a friend that thought that whatever you were doing alone would be better with company. I denied him entry many many times. Eating Cheetos in your underpants and wiping your fingers on your undershirt while listening to The Cars is better without company.
My first thought was, with calling 20 times weren't they worried they would wake the baby?
There are definitely relationships where dropping by unannounced is "the norm", but in general you call first. And regardless, if the boundary of call and ask first has been set, that's what you do. This is classic parents not respecting that their daughter is no longer their child, but an adult with her own family. I bet they didn't knock on her bedroom door growing up, either
After my ex and I broke up many, many years ago when we were on semi-decent term he'd pull this... Just come to my house without texting or calling first until I put my foot down. Shortly after that one evening (around supper) I'm chillin, watching something on my laptop and my dumbass forgot to lock the door (NEVER AGAIN). All of a sudden, I hear "hi" behind me. The words that came outta my mouth would've educated a trucker/sailor hybrid. After rippin him a new one he just muttered "well, I did text you..." I look at my phone, which was next to me and screen down. Sure enough there's a text from him and he thought that was good enough. No we did not share the house, rent, mortgage. No we didn't have any kids together, we had nothing shared.... but needless to say, we ain't on good terms anymore
Move. Preferably to another continent. Don't tell your family anything. They like surprises when it comes to visiting, and an empty house is a big surprise.
I grew up on a dead end road with my grandparents as our only neighbors. Then my sister put a house on the acre between us. We came and went as we pleased between the houses but I think we were a bit unique. Extended family would just stop by often, not having memorized the phone numbers or my grandpa would be on the phone for 4+ hours without call waiting. But if someone had a new baby, you made quick visits and usually brought food. If it wasn't a good time or no one was home, no feelings hurt. We seem to be the minority. The only time people asked when a good time to come was when my mom was home with hospice nurses. They were visiting, just wanted to know the best time for my mom. Close but respectful
I have the opposite problem. My in-laws never visit and never help out. It has resulted in my housework getting really bad though, as I never feel the push to have my home being “visitor ready” 🤣. I hope this family does manage to put a halt to this drop over anytime and never leave behaviour. Maybe come to the door in some extreme sex gear? 😉
Wow, my parents lived next door to me for 17 years on our farm and called before stopping by. My daughter, SIL and grandkids now live in Mom and Dad's house and call before stopping to see me. I've never asked them to, it's how we were all raised. It's common courtesy.
WTF? I can't imagine anyone in my family behaving that way. I would have absolutely no problem slamming the door in these intrusive a$$hole's faces.
My brother and his family live maybe 20 minutes walk away, I visit them fairly regularly. But I get that they're busy people with their own lives, and I get in touch a few days before I plan visiting just to check that it's ok to come over - and even then my visits are only a couple of hours long.
This kind of boundary craziness isn’t uncommon when there’s a new baby. It happens around weddings and funerals too. Life changes bring out the crazy. The in laws are feeling like they don’t have control and aren’t in the centre of things so they act out. They want to control their daughters family like she is still a kid. LW needs to firm up boundaries and keep the in-laws from pushing his wife’s buttons.
I'm an AH in these situations. I would tell them to go TFK home and give them 5 minute, then call the police. Inlaws or any family do NOT get to violate boundaries, EVER.
Are your in-laws witnesses? Show up at the most inconvenient times, ring the doorbell and knocks forever. If you make the horrible mistake of letting them in they will be there for days.
I moved recently from a city to a smaller town. To live together with my boyfriend. And u notice that its common to enter the backdoor of you have a garden and you can acces it from the street. I remember that of was like that with my grandparents there house also like that. So everybody family, Friends, neigbhours would come in trough the backdoor first knocking of course. In the beginning i didnt like it. Because sometimes you want to hang out in your pijamas for 24hours. But know i am used to it and kinda like it that people know there are always welcome and it helped me to care less what people think you are wearing or how you look. I am also an introvert so i get it. But maybe this is good to stay trained for social interaction 😂
Boredpanda used to be about interesting or funny facts. Getting bored of this personal bs and the am i the a*****e sh/t
You don't have to read anything that doesn't interest you.
Load More Replies... Nope. Needing alone time to recharge or enjoying silence and calm does not mean anyone has relationship issues.
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