Person Wonders Whether It Was OK To Confront Their “Childfree” Sibling For Consistently Mistreating Their Little Cousin

People are mean – there’s no denying it. Especially teenagers. Some might say it’s because their prefrontal cortex – you know, the thing that’s responsible for moderating social behavior – is still developing.

Well, whatever it is, this Redditor that goes by u/Spirited_Spare1177 has a story to tell. Their brother has always been exceptionally mean to their little cousin – and when they finally decided to call him out on it, the 16-year-old justified his behavior by calling himself “childfree,” which to him meant that he didn’t have to acknowledge children, even if they’re his own family.

Teen leaves his 4-year-old cousin in tears by not acknowledging her

When a sibling calls him out on it, he claims to be childfree, which he seems to think frees him from having to interact with kids

“AITA for telling my brother he is not childfree?” – this netizen took to one of Reddit’s most favorite communities to ask its members if they’re indeed a jerk for calling out their 16-year-old sibling for making his little cousin cry because he believes he doesn’t have to acknowledge her just because he’s childfree. The post managed to garner over 10K upvotes as well as 1.5K comments discussing the situation. 

There are many reasons people choose a childfree life. Financial stability, a lifestyle not conducive to kids, the fact that the world’s on its edge – whatever the reasoning is, it’s a respectable decision. However, the brother of the original poster really needed that reality check.

The thing is, the teen isn’t so fond of his 4-year-old cousin. The family has dinner every other weekend at their grandparents’ with all their aunts, uncles, and their kids, and “Brandon” never acknowledges the little one. Since he decided he’s childfree, he thought this meant that he could get away with being blatantly rude to his cousin, and when the 16-year-old left her in tears once again, just because he didn’t feel like looking at her drawings, the author of the post decided that it was time to confront him.

Naturally, the teen didn’t seem to accept the fact that he was being mean, so he blamed his behavior on being childfree. The post’s creator reached their boiling point and told the guy that he can’t be childfree when he is a child himself, which essentially prompted them to take the matter online and find out whether they might’ve overstepped the line as they didn’t mean to disregard his choice about not wanting kids.

To get a more professional outlook on the situation, Bored Panda reached out to Emma Palmer. First things first, we invited our expert to introduce herself: “I’m a Bristol-based psychotherapist and I’m childfree by choice. In 2018 I was honoured to be named Childfree Person of the Year on International Childfree Day – 1^st August: https://internationalchildfreeday.com/qa-2018-childfree-person-of-the-year/. I’m also an author. My second book, ‘Other than Mother’ came out in 2016 https://www.johnhuntpublishing.com/earth-books/our-books/other-mother-childlessness. I researched and wrote it when it gradually dawned on me that having children isn’t compulsory! I spent some fascinating years researching childlessness and talking to parents and non-parents alike about the parenthood/non-parenthood decision.”

The author tells him he’s not childfree because he’s a child himself and provokes a fight

We then asked Emma to tell us more about voluntary childlessness: “It’s now more commonly known as being childfree or being childfree by choice, rather than voluntary childlessness – that phrase and the term elective childlessness were more commonly used 20+ years ago when I first started researching this fascinating area of life, which back then, was hardly discussed. The distinction back then wasn’t even drawn between being childless through choice or circumstance, etc., so things have changed a lot. Now the terms childless and childlessness have come to tend to represent those people who do not have children and who haven’t chosen that, so childless through being unable to have children, through circumstance and loss. Whilst there are grey areas between the childfree and childless, and they’re not always as polarised a group of people as some might think (e.g. as well as in terms of the effect of living with the overall societal stigma of not being a parent), it feels important and respectful to acknowledge the very big difference between choosing and not choosing to have children, particularly given that childless people can often be grieving the loss of children and/or a life without the children they were unable to have.”

BP then wondered about Emma Palmer’s take on our society that tends to “look down” upon childfree folk, and the woman replied as follows: “Because in some peoples’ eyes, it’s still seen as subversive to not have children. Society is still pretty pro-natal, in terms of expecting women to be mothers, and that being an expected and key part of their identity, even though this has noticeably changed in my lifetime, thank goodness, and there’s a lot of welcome change in gender and identity.”

We also pondered whether one can be too young to know if they want children: “I think this is a deeply personal thing and there isn’t one straightforward answer. I’ve known some people who decided early in life not to have children and that always remained true for them. I was the opposite. I always assumed I would have children, then decided in my late 20s that I didn’t want children – I realised how conditioned I had been by the expectation of others that I’d be a mum one day.”

And last but certainly not least, Emma added: “I think it’s important that childfree folk aren’t automatically typecast as not liking children! That’s not generally my experience, even though I have encountered a handful of childfree people who are vocally not into children. That’s not true in most childfree communities I’m part of. Personally, I love being an aunt, and I enjoy the company of children as much as I do adults. Being childfree doesn’t mean you automatically either dislike or aren’t kind to children! In fact, it could be quite the opposite. Part of my decision-making about remaining childfree was wishing we would take better care of the children who are already here, and of the planet we all share!”

Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions on the situation