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Our behavior, and the actions that follow it, speak more than thousands of words. So often all you need to do is to sit back and watch people. Remember your male colleague who always uses that patronizing tone of voice when talking to you? Yes, it’s annoying, and no, he doesn’t sense it.

But what if it’s a tell-tale sign that the guy has internalized toxic masculinity? What if this is a precise indication that he feels insecure or somewhere deep down, even threatened by you? You may only speculate or see what guys have to say on the subject matter themselves.

The question “What is a tell-tale sign that a man is insecure about his masculinity or himself in general?” on r/AskMen got a bunch of people sharing what they think are the red flags. And it’s truly eye-opening!

#1

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" If he claims to be an “alpha male” - dude, if you have to tell people (loudly and often) that you’re alpha, you are definitely not

jhope71 , Gordon Cowie Report

#2

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Homophobia

Error-29 , Toni Reed Report

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Jonathan
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do believe that the most homphobic are only trying to fool themselves and their true feelings.

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#3

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" When he doesn’t let his girlfriend/wife wear sexy outfits in public

Darth_Xenic Report

In daily life, we come across numerous examples of what we think is men’s anxiety about violating the male gender role. Like, a man hesitating to hug his male friends in public. Often, we jump up to conclusions and don’t give it a second thought.

But according to Jennifer Bosson, a social psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin, this may come down to how people think about manhood. She proposes that “manhood, relative to womanhood, has historically been viewed as both elusive and tenuous.”

By “elusive,” Jennifer means “that manhood is not considered a developmental certainty, but instead is seen as a status that must be earned via action.” And by “tenuous,” she is referring to the idea that “manhood status, once earned, can be lost with relative ease, via a wide range of social shortcomings.”

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#4

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" His view on what makes a man a man is narrow. In his mind, there are only 2-3 types of men and other types are wrong

w1987g , Karina Carvalho Report

#5

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Constant attempts to "one-up" anything and anyone at anytime.

The_Obi-Wan , bruce mars Report

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Falcon
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a similar person at work. They are trying so hard to look important to the point where they just lie to your face.

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#6

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Worrying about face and honour and fighting over it.

I've never been in a fight. 99% of my friends have never been in a fight. None of my colleagues have ever been in a fight.

Yet... you come across these f**wits who seem to think that it's normal. Quite often they complain about it. "Aw I can barely leave my house without someone starting sh*t".

In every single scenario, it is them who is the problem

Tundur , Dollar Gill Report

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sylvantic
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you're not a chimpanzee. humans have moved beyond stupid fights for dominance. and at least chimpanzees support one another sometimes, so really, you're worse than a chimp if you're like this.

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These may, of course, seem ancient today, but they do emerge in daily discourse, says Jennifer. According to the psychologist, “Men—even those who are perfectly 'secure in their masculinity'—are aware that their manhood is precarious and that they may, at any moment, lose manhood status in other people’s eyes.”

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“Until widespread beliefs about the elusiveness and tenuousness of manhood change, it may be unrealistic to expect the average man to violate gender role norms with ease,” she concluded in her research.

#7

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Trying to dominate a conversation or activity for no reason/Being needlessly competitive

TheBookOfSeil , fran hogan Report

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Lauren Caswell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait guys do the arm block to each other too?! Oh woah I didn't realise that. I'm glad I'm learning

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#8

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" My friend introduced me to a potential love interest of hers one evening. The conversation turned to what I look for in a guy and I said I like guys who own cats. The dude immediately cut me off and said ‘I’m sorry, there’s nothing wrong with a woman who owns a cat, but there’s something wrong with a guy who does.’ The next day my friend asked me what I thought of him and I told her he’s insecure

Mello-Knight , Elsa Donald Report

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Paul K. Johnson
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have two cats that I love and when I talk about them I call them kitties. One guy said, "kitiies?!?" like that was too effeminate of a term for my cats. So I said, 'Yeah, kitties.' He didn't know what to say after that.

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#9

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Always fighting to be right no matter what, even if someone obviously knows what they are talking about.

Beccaaaaaalolz , Ben White Report

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Kristof De Smet
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a friend who does this all the time, but he is not insecure about his masculinity, but he thinks he is less intelligent. He isn't, he just happens to know other stuff.

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#10

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Trying to crush your hand when they shake it. Usually accompanied by fixing you with what they think is an intimidating stare.

J8766557 , Massimo Sartirana Report

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Lauren Caswell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or putting their other hand into the handshake, encapsulating your hand. There's a few handshake variants like this, i remember reading about them in that book "body language" by Allan pease

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#11

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" When he's not supportive of the other men in his life. A truly masculine man loves and supports his brothers and celebrates their achievement

An insecure man brings others down to prove he's on "top"

Vega3gx , Tyler Nix Report

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TexasPK
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And doesn't "compete" with his teenage sons as they grow into their manhood.

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#12

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Any guy who thinks the words alfa and beta mean anything in a social group

idc55342 , Ashkan Forouzani Report

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CrazedFalcon17
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Our society is so bad that people look at wolf erotica fanfiction and think "Hey, I wanna be the 'Alpha' in the relationship" I seriously hate these people

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#13

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" When someone gets upset over something as silly as the way another man enjoys his comfortable clothing, takes care of their body, or the way they like their vehicles.

TurtleChickenFart , Giovanni Randisi Report

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Jonathan
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Another sign is when they get almost angry and offended that some men don't really feel the need to stand when using urinating! Oh I'm sorry I prefer to leave a bathroom as clean as it was when I entered it!

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#14

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Aggression and violence. Many insecure men use tactics of intimidation or just plain old violence because they feel attacked by everything, cant discuss like a normal grown up, feel like it proves they are a "real man" etc.

DevilOuttaSpace , David Hinkle Report

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El Dee
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This comes directly from fear. They are scared of the world and feel this is the only way they can 'control' it..

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#15

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" The worst are guys who use hashtags on instagram like #realman, #realmen, #realmenhavebeards, #manly, #man, #men, #alphamale, #intelligent, #smart, etc.

I'm like dude, I've never seen a confident masculine man ever once use [things[ like that. If you have to tell the world you're a "real man", or how "intelligent" or "alpha", you are... you aren't. hahaha

Nickolai808 , Dimitar Belchev Report

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Sky Render
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you are something, you don't need to brag about it. You just... are that thing. If others don't see it, who cares? That doesn't change the fact that it's true.

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#16

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Pretending to know something about a subject they don’t understand.

bayswimmer23 , Tyler Nix Report

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Something
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For some reason, many people are under the impression that everyone always has to know everything. There is more knowledge out there than any individual human being has time to learn, and it's okay not to know things.

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#17

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" When i was in the army we would definitely see people who were bullied in high school and decided to be "billy badass" and join the military then they would be teased and hazed a little as privates. But as soon as they got their own little team and a taste of power they would be the ones that made everyone's lives much more miserable than they needed to be reveling in being the tormenter.

eleazar1997 , Scandinavian Backlash Report

#18

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" won't let his girl have friends

littlegreenrock , Lauren Rader Report

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GirlFriday
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ladies, take note: if a man isolates from your friends and family, that man is an abuser. It may start off as "wanting you all to himself," but the more he isolates, the more abusive he will become. This is the first step towards making sure you have no support system so you won't have help when you need it and making it more difficult for you to eventually leave him when he starts hitting you.

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#19

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Guys who brag about how much sex they have. Ok we get it, you have sex

vidrenz , Angelo Pantazis Report

#20

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Constantly looking for the need to brag about your wealth and physical prowess, especially on social media. I know a few dudes who define themselves by the amount of money they've made or how they're better than everyone because they practice a certain martial art

Retro_Riven , Aylin Çobanoğlu Report

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Kristof De Smet
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The most important part for me is having enough money to give my kids a happy life, and a kickstart to their adult life.

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#21

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Insecure about himself: he’s middle age but constantly shares photos of himself in his “prime” such as football team, military uniform etc

weasel999 , Matt Seymour Report

#22

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" People online who post cringey graphics of a lion or the joker with an equally cringe quote next to it saying something along tbe lines of "followers work for other, the alpha works for themselves" with some dollar signs next to it. Or other similar "motivational woke" posts

dimdimthelesser , Alex Suprun Report

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Delgada
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In Poland some have this idiotic phrase "The nobility do not work" (Szlachta nie pracuje) in ther occupation - and I always cringe so hard when I see that.

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#23

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Judging people on their choice of shirt and vehicle

Comfortable_Storm_59 , Marisa Harris Report

#24

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Constant need to demean or put others down

Duffy1978 , Cade Report

#25

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Definitely show offs. If you are easily insulted by things tied to lack of masculinity(secretly liking pink for example) then you have fragile masculinity. Normally the truly masculine people are those that a true people. They don't need reassurance, they show emotion and the idea of girly colours, smells etc do not exist.

ArchangelDeltius , Shamim Nakhaei Report

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Ozacoter
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There isn’t ‘true masculine people’ since masculinity or femininity are made up concepts.

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#26

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Here are some that I’ve seen: 1. Constant need to be in a relationship or have a “girlfriend” no matter how he feels about her. 2. Guys who talk sh*t about women who speak up or needlessly call them names 3. Guys who are uncomfortable being CLOSE emotionally or physically around other men in fear of being gay or emasculated. Also just trust your gut around people. Everyone has insecurities but there’s a fine line as to when it’s a part of people verses when people are a part of them

riripaanda , NeONBRAND Report

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Blarrg
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Trust your gut" unless you repeatedly find yourself in relationships with guys like this. Then maybe you should trust your friends' and family's gut.

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#27

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" creates a nickname for himself

FaberGrad , Samuel Raita Report

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Lunar Bicycle
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to know.a guy, typical macho blowhard, whose last name was Coogan, and he called himself The Coog. Sad, really.

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#28

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" If they think a beard equals a personality.

trumpstinyd*ck666 , William Krause Report

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El muerto
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like this site...but sometimes, it's just a huge echo chamber...and yes not all is about gender, sometimes te same behaviour repeats between men and women...bear=make up and to fokus in only one trait is equally shallow...

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#29

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Over the top displays, or almost caricatures, of masculinity. Making an effort to communicate dominance, like the sticker you described

ryanb450 , Brad Neathery Report

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BG
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ugh! I hate to see the guys who only wear black and gray, have a jacked up pickup trucks and "The Punisher" tee shirts and stickers on everything. Dude, that's a cartoon character, you'd be just as intimidating in your Spongebob PJ's.

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#30

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" The only sign I can think of is going out of your way to prove that you are not insecure about your masculinity and/or yourself in general. Secure people aren’t looking to be validated for being secure

Plebe-Uchiha , DESIGNECOLOGIST Report

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#31

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Thinking he can beat ANYONES ass, simply because he happens to be male

dodojotaro , Victor Freitas Report

#32

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Just LOUD in general. Says he does't care what anyone says or thinks about him, but it reality seeks validation and attention from other people all the time

Makivivu , Colton Duke Report

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sylvantic
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you want validation, just ask! but expect that you might get constructive criticism, and you'll need a good relationship with people to get that.

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#33

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Has to make any situation about them, has the be the "alpha", compensates not just with a truck but constant overt "look at me" actions, disregards your opinion immediately if they disagree, dismissive towards anyone who doesn't act like them, loud on purpose because they think everyone like the sound of their voice as much as they do, "act like a man bro", constant put downs, refuses to drink any non "manly" drink, mentions how big their d**k is (it isn't), thinks sport knowledge is a personality trait

roovy60 , Jacob Bentzinger Report

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am_c0m0
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know a man who's like this. His dad died when he was 9. I wonder if that contributes to his insecurity?

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#34

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" Emotionally abusive in relationships

erika513 , Matias Tapia Report

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Oleander
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry what? This isn't a red flag, its the whole alarm system.

#35

35 People Respond To "What Is A Tell-Tale Sign That A Man Is Insecure About His Masculinity Or Himself In General?" I go to the gym a lot, I've seen guys ripped af yet don't show it off. Then I see the guys who think they need to show off every muscle in their body and have close to no actual muscle.

Or simply people on any online game with the name "alpha"

If you are alpha you don't need to show it off like its a big deal lol

UselessAccounts2020 , Dollar Gill Report

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