People Are Divided Over These Parents’ Punishment For Their TikTok-Obsessed Teen Daughter After A ‘Prank’ Gone Wrong
Ah, TikTok. What would the subreddit r/Cringetopia do without it? Yes, there is a good side to the platform but over the years, it has become a cesspool for garbage like fake relationship drama and abusive “pranks.” So when Redditor u/Substantial_Camel598 discovered her 13-year-old daughter contributing to it, the parent was ruthless.
You see, the girl decided to get views at her brother’s expense — the young TikToker shaved his head while the boy was calmly sleeping in his bed.
u/Substantial_Camel598 and her partner wanted to make it clear that such a thing is not OK, so the couple punished their daughter by replacing her smartphone with an ancient Nokia, taking away her laptop, and grounding her for a year (or until the boy’s hair grows back).
Some people in their immediate family, however, thought these measures were too much and started pressuring the parents to go easier on their kid. As doubts started creeping into the mom’s head, she turned to Reddit for advice.
Image credits: Jenny Mealing (not the actual photo)
To learn more about it, we contacted u/Substantial_Camel598 and she agreed to dive a little deeper into the situation. “My daughter’s personality is hard to describe,” the mom told Bored Panda. “She behaves differently from day to day … [and can be] the kind of person who insults others because ‘it’s funny.’ To her, however, it’s all in good fun and she often talks behind other people’s backs. She’s not necessarily mean, but she is quite abrasive.”
Prior to the whole ordeal, the 13-year-old had a pretty normal relationship with her brother. “They’re not particularly close but they talked once or twice a day. Normally, if my daughter needed someone to vent to, she could do it to him, and my son, whilst he wasn’t very open about his own life, he tried his best to be a good older brother,” the mom explained. “My son himself is a good listener and not very open.”
As of our conversation with the Redditor, the girl still hasn’t made peace with the aftermath of the incident. She sometimes flat out refuses to speak to her parents and is even angrier at her brother because “she feels like he exaggerated his reaction to get her a more severe punishment.”
“She initially hid her phones and tried to hide her laptop but we found them and her laptop is locked up, and her phone is being sold, and we have bought a keypad Nokia. She is now begging us to accept her apology and not go through with the punishment but we’re holding firm,” u/Substantial_Camel598 said.
Most people think the punishment fits the crime
When it comes to disciplining a child, the most important thing is to do so without violence and cruel words — these things don’t work at all. The American Academy of Pediatrics (APP) advises that parents and caregivers should not spank or hit children. Instead of teaching responsibility and self-control, spanking actually does the opposite: it often increases aggression and anger in children. A study of children born in 20 medium to large U.S. cities discovered that families who used physical punishment got caught in a negative cycle: the more children were spanked, the more they misbehaved later, which prompted more spankings in response. Spanking’s effects may also be felt beyond the parent-child relationship — it sends the message that causing someone pain is OK if you’re frustrated. Even with those you love.
Parents who yell at children and use words to cause them emotional pain or shame are also in the wrong. Harsh verbal discipline, even by moms and dads who are otherwise warm and loving, can lead to serious issues. Research shows that harsh verbal discipline, which becomes more common as children get older, may lead to more behavior problems and symptoms of depression in teens.
But some say it’s too much
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Why adult people thinks pranks are funny. And how do the believe, it could never get out of control? This entire family need a pep talk, not just the girl.
The trouble with pranks is that the impact they can have on an individual varies enormously. For some there is that sudden jolt when you think a certain thing has happened and your body may get flooded with adrenaline to deal with it. Feels horrible in my opinion. People sometimes pretend that it was funny and that they were okay with it because they don't want to look like someone who can't take a joke. Then the pranksters often escalate what they'll do to get a reaction. Fine if people have agreed that they can play pranks on each other but I'm really not keen on it for anyone who is unsuspecting. It isn't about only being serious - there are many other ways of having fun.
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Sorry, but you kind of created your own monster by pulling the pranks that you do on other people. You may have extra portions of food ready for the salt shaker joke, but you've basically shown your daughter that it's ok to be a jerk to someone else. How was she supposed to know the difference? My sister once convinced my mother that I lived in a different time zone even though we were only 110 miles apart. That's a harmless joke. But what you do are pranks that scare people or make them upset...there's nothing funny about that.
The best thing about this story is that although obviously the parents contributed to creating this little monster, they've added punishment for themselves onto the punishment for her! Yes, these jerks are going to have to spend the next year listening to the little pest whine and scream how IT'S NOT FAAAAAAIR, and they'll never be able to.pull another prank in front of their kids as long as they live.
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First of all tiktok is NOT appropriate for a 13 year old. I’m 35 and have it. I think it should be adults only. You think predators and bullying is bad on Facebook? Haha. You’ve seen nothing. Secondly, I think the punishment should be no tiktok until she’s idk 16? I don’t really know an appropriate age it’s really a slippery slope there and ban from social media maybe a month OR she could agree to shave her head so she can empathize with what she did to her brother. Social media has really brought the narcissism out of people and it really should be heavily monitored on young people. What she did was flat out cruel.
I would like to correct you. Tik Tok is not appropriate for humans. It brings out the worst in people and the good things don't need it as medium.
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This thing needs more detail. Is she planning to somehow teach the daughter why what she did was wrong, or is the daughter supposed to just have a light bulb moment all on her own? From what I've read the mother is more focused on punishing rather than teaching. And is she encouraging her son to live his life with whatever haircut he has? Did she consider therapy for him? Because that boy seems to be struggling with self-image issues, and the mother sounds very overdramatic about this (I get that he considers his year ruined, but for her to agree just doesn't send the right signal).
Genuine question, how could she teach the daughter that what she did was wrong? Apparently, the daughter sees no problem with what she did. I absolutely agree that we should teach children rather than just punish them, but in this situation, I would not know how.
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NTA as someone who is 13 and love my hair I can see both sides. She's 13!!! She knows it was a d**k move and a year is 100% ok. She will develop social skills since schools are open or opening! A year without electronics should not be that hard and she completely destroyed her brothers confidence! She needs to be away from those bad influences - in this case ticktock
Well, bar the fact that she is quoted as saying in justification of her actions "it's just hair and you're not even a girl, get over it'. We've no actual proof that she knows it was a d!ck move at all - or that she is even slightly sorry. Her parents need to stamp on the view she has that hair only matters to girls as well. Glad I'm not the parent dealing with this I must admit.
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I worry more how this 13yo girl learned these things. A year in family therapy for all involved might be more useful.
Through Tik Tok, probably. Idiotic and life-changing pranks are wildly popular on there.
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There’s lots bp doesn’t bother to tell us. : AITA for "going too far" with my punishment? He is in therapy. According to his actual therapist, who has undergone years of training, and is very well versed in this field, his state was fragile right now. He's been conditioned by years of treatment to feel like "less than" and that he can't get anything right. A couple months ago when something went wrong, my son would have responded "Well, this is my life, something has to go wrong" The therapist said that had he been able to live in his confident "perfect" self for even a couple of weeks, he would be far more able to handle adversity and overcome it. However in this stage his reaction was "Why is my life always s**t, why can't I just catch a single break for once" which is why the punishment is so harsh, it's not even just a year she's ruined, it may well be his mental health for the rest of his life. Even if not for his whole life, she just set back 3 years of therapy work.
Going to be honest, most “pranks” are not pranks. There’s negative consequences to even “harmless” pranks. I personally do not like pranks because that’s how the bullies who did mental, emotional and physical damage, would try to excuse what they did to myself and others. Some good examples of this are Sam Pepper, who sexually assaulted women and then men when people called him out for sexual assault. He thought people saw it as SA because he was doing it to women so he decided to also do it to men. His response was always “it’s just a prank” when the people he SA-Ed would confront him on what he did to them and he’d point to the camera recording. It’s not funny, even if the VICTIM tries to save face.
I'm with the ESH people. The parents set the tone and the 13yr old doesn't understand what 'going too far' means. Yes she should be punished - absolutely, but the parents need to grow up as well. And a year with no social life (so much of it is online for these kids) is way too harsh. No tiktok is fine, but friends are vital at that age
If it were a boy snuck into a girls room and did this to a sleeping girl. Would you be so dismissive? No. You would be enraged as the parents were. I think in addition to the punishment they meted out, she should be forced to delete her Tik Tok and all her posts that got views. Assault is not funny.
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I am on the fence here. Year grounding? waaay too long, and the kid does not understand why her prank was bad but mommys were ok. I am all for "eye for an eye" - she shaved her brother's har? Shave hers. Not shitty - shave her to 1mm neatly and donate her hair for cancer survivor wig. But also she needs The Talk about body autonomy, boundaries etc. And she should be sent to do some charity work with chemo kids to see how IMPORTANT hair are for people.
No 13 year should be on tik tok. That is the first mistake you made. There are other ways to socialize with other kids. My friends and I grew up without social media and somehow we survived. I have to say though, your child showed absolutely no remorse for what she did. That in itself is really worrying. You need to get her into some serious therapy to figure out what’s going on.
The adult pranks in this family are tasteless too. I'm not surprised a 13 year old would then take this as a cue to cut off her brother's hair. While that was nasty, grounding her for an entire year will be devastating to her mental health. NOT a good idea.
I think I'm on the fence. I definitely think this should be a major punishment and I would tell the daughter A) no more pranking and that includes the adults in the house and talk about how they need to stop as well B) having her receive back responsibilities while doing good. Her saying her brother isn't that upset cause he's a boy shows she's definitely an immature 13 year old and she needs to learn some empathy now before its too late. Having her volunteer with people who are in different social situations where they are judged by their looks would be a good place to start. Start teaching the whole family loving responsibility instead of pouring salt on food. C) no more Tik Tok no matter what good she does. I know kids love their phones and social media but my God am I glad it was not around when I didn't understand long term consequences.
Oh no, what a little b!tch. I wonder if she would laugh if her hair was shaved off.. Hmmm maybe too harsh?
Apparently, for her it would be worse because she is a ... girl. This child should be taught as soon as possible that men can be assaulted too and that she cannot touch somebody else's body without their consent. I can't say I'm very impressed by the parental skill of the adults in this story.
Load More Replies... My sister cut my hair while I was sleeping because she was jealous I had curly hair and she had pin straight hair. People would kind of make a fuss over how pretty my hair was. Funny thing is she wanted my curls and I wanted straight hair. She left my mom no choice but to cut my hair really short because she had butchered it so badly, so I looked like a boy and got teased at school. To this day (we are in our 50s) my sister is a petty, spiteful person.
I bet she wouldn't say "it's just hair" if someone shaved hers. If her sense of "humor" is being jerk to others., then she deserves punishment.
I'm okay with the punishment, particularly as the parents are going to suffer almost as much as the grounded kid. They're going to have to listen to her whine that it's NOT FAAAAAAAAIR for a whole freaking year!
This is the tightrope we walk as parents: coming up with a fair consequence that will teach them the lesson needed, while not making us go crazy 😅
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i think a year is too much time to be grounded, but I'm 13 and I don't have a phone, so she'll be fine. also, maybe they can shave her hair too, and see how she likes it. bc honestly hair is really important in my opinion.
The child needs to be punished, but a year of grounding is too much on top of the media ban. As for pranks, I stopped watching Ellen Degeneres' show many years ago because she cruelly pranked her guests. I realized how unkind her humor was. This family needs to examine their part in this debacle.
Pranks are like jokes...and jokes have certain boundaries that one shouldn't cross..it is through experience that one can understand how much one can go and what jokes are appropriate at what situation...I feel for her coz for her every prank is harmless, her parents can do , why shouldn't she? All those people need a lesson on pranks nd jokes, not jst the girl...she is jst 13
While I think her punishment should be the same duration as the impact she had on her brother’s social life and self image, grounding seems a bit extreme and probably won’t teach much empathy. Perhaps just shave her head too? Idk, I’m not a parent and this post has just reaffirmed for the billionth time that I don’t want kids.
Or she's just a bad person... I'm also 13 and I've had tiktok for years and I wouldve never even thought of doing this to my siblings.
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While I agree that "harmless pranks" are not nearly as harmless as they think, I think that anyone who is friends with/part of the family will know what to expect. The daughter very much crossed a line, and needs consequences that make her more empathetic to her assault victim (her brother). Removing social media doesn't "cut her off from the world", she has access to her friends. What she would be cut off from is the echo-chamber social media that would tell her that she is right and her parents are wrong. Shaving her head, while poetic, seems more retaliatory than educatuonal. In the meantime, the rest of the family seems aware now that pranks aren't harmless and hopefully will change their own behavior as well.
I'm so glad that social media didn't exist when I was 13. Nokia phone and shitty access to laptop, I agree with. Year long grounding won't have any effect.
I would say a year is too harsh. Maybe 1 month grounding and no phone or laptop, and a 1 year ban on tiktok, plus a ban on posting videos to social media. If/when she gets a phone or laptop back, disable or destroy the camera. It sucks for the 17 year old guy, but really, it's not life destroying. Take him to a hairstylist to get it fixed as much as possible, and maybe make the daughter pay for it from her allowance. And stop with the pranks, because your 13 year old doesn't have the emotional intelligence to distinguish funny from assault.
...I'm sorry, what? I believe the OP is NTA, simply because I'm in a similar situation to the daughter's punishment. Not because I did anything wrong, but because of COVID. Sure, I can still use most websites (school computers like the one I'm using have way too many websites blocked, to the point where I can't even make Google searches containing certain words). So since I'm already experiencing this, I can say that it's not as bad as you might think. So no, NTA on the OP's part, I think the daughter is the wrong here and deserves that punishment (but maybe for a little under a year? Because yeah, this whole deal has done a number on my mental health and I seriously need some social interation).
I don't know about the year long grounding, like others have said; give her probation after sometime if she behaves herself, but I agree about getting rid of her smartphone & limiting her laptop. While I think the idea giving her a time limit for "fun" internet instead of what the mom gave is better, I don't think she should have her smartphone back until she is 16 & shouldn't be on TikTok until she is a legal adult.
NTA. If i was the parent here i’d just take away all social medias and shave her head to look exactly like the brother’s. That was she has to be embarrassed as well and can’t ‘post’ that it was all a ‘prank’
Yeah, and that would make you the problem, just like these parents. Punishment is not going to teach her about boundaries. She needs punishment and some good explanation about why this is awful. And maybe, after that, shave her head to make sure the memory lasts. I'm sorry, I'm going to a rough patch when it comes to honestly feeling people can rehabilitate. The stupid is just too widespread.
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ESH. Taking social media away for a while is reasonable, but grounding and cutting off contact to friends for a 13 year old girl is straight-up abusive. That does things to someone's mental health, and it isn't going to teach her anything else.
The punishment is apt. But you both need to acknowledge that this is also partly your fault. You are adults and have shown your girl that pranks are normal behaviour when it is just disrespectful of others. Whether you think your 'prankster' behaviour is fine or not, you taught her first that it was okay to be voyeuristic with other people's personal being and mental health. She is a child and may not be able to gauge the extremity of what she did to her brother because you have taught her that it doesn't matter as long as she has a laugh. You need to punish yourselves as well and stop pranking anyone. You are adults; act like it. And apologize to your son for your part in all of this.
tiktokers would wipe the north sentinelese off the face of this earth and call it a prank
You raised sociopath. Your sister's opinion shouldn't matter. Not her child. You and your husband on the other hand need to get her mental help immediately. She clearly has no empathy.
Ok first of all you taught her that pranks were fine. You cannot expect a 13 year old child to have the ability to see the long term consequences of one prank when it's part of your family's culture (which is problematic). So yes you need to correct the behavior, cool take the phone away and block the sites. But for a year?!?!?!? Because that's not going to backfire at all... yes the 13 year old should be punished. But I'm not sure grounding for a year is the best approach
I think the mom should go up to her sister and ambush her with some clippers and then start laughing because it's so funny. I bet the aunt wouldn't think so. And anyone saying their punishment is too harsh, please don't reproduce. We have enough spoiled and entitled kids walking around. We don't need you to create anymore.
When I was about this age, one of my brothers kept taking my bike without asking and taking off for hours on it, leaving me without one. So, I took several pairs of his pants out of his closet and sewed the legs shut. That is the sort of "prank" that can easily be undone within a short amount of time. Hair shaved to the scalp could need up to 6 months to grow back. These parents need to seriously reconsider their fondness for pranks, as she has obviously grown up to think that this sort of thing is okay.
I think a punishment, whatever it is, that lasts as long as it takes the hair to grow back, is appropriate, because then she feels in real time the lasting effect of what she did
YTA, you taught your kids to play pranks. All pranks are childish, mindless and bullying. It relies on someone being humiliated and then bullied into being a good sport. She needs no punishment other than you apologising to her for setting a bad example and teaching her to be a prick. The boy needs to get the f**k over himself and get a hat. You are teaching him that his looks are the most important thing about him.
I think that the punishment is good. The only thing that I would say is put a specific ban on a specific thing for a year, not just 'grounded'. What is she grounded from, social media? Friends? Also, don't ground her from friends for a year, that could have serious, long term effects on her social health. I would choose a more specific punishment.
I think she got off light. I'd have cut her hair to a pixie cut at the least.
Why would not having a smart phone impact her socially? She can still call and text.. I didn't have a cell phone growing up, but I still talked to friends and visited them. If they don't put their foot down, these pranks are just going to get more and more serious until she ends up really hurting someone and being arrested.
As someone who was grounded for a year at a time, every year, because I didn't do my schoolwork due to anxiety (and I'm homeschooled), I see two sides to this. The first one is that she's 13, she shouldn't be on the Internet much anyway. It ruins people's mental health. And since she pulled such a terrible prank on her brother, I'd say go for it. Ground her, take away her phone, restrict her laptop. It's not the end of the world if she doesn't have social media, help her learn to draw or write or something that is better for her. She can contact her friends via the Nokia her parents are so generously providing for her. However. I was in her shoes once. Nothing so serious as cutting off my brother's hair, but with the homework thing. I never had many friends or social activities, so that wasn't too bad, but I'm terrible about actually talking to people without sounding like an idiot or a psychopath. I didn't do my homework because I was scared I would get bad grades since my mother
Was so scary when someone got bad grades. So I was grounded until I could figure it out. It was a valuable lesson learned, at the expense of my mental health and sanity.
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The girl should be punished, but grounding for a year is so extreme it will almost certainly backfire. Mom will have 2 kids with mental health issues by the end of the year. Also, how long is this boys hair that people think it will take an entire year to grow back? What punishment should the mom get for allowing her 13 year old to even be on TikTok? It’s full of influence! Human brains do not stop developing until the mid 20s, the frontal lobe being the last portion to do so. The SAME portion of the brain that adults use to really think their actions through. At 13, punish, but don’t torture. TEACH!
I'd have made her shave her head the same way so see can see how funny it it.
I think the punishment fits the crime. Tiktok has brainwashed young people into doing the most stupid things for likes.
I despise pranksters. There's no such thing as a "harmless prank." They're all annoying as hell. As for the psycho daughter, I'd shave her head completely and make her keep it that way for the next year.
Some pranks are funny. I used to have a fake mouse that I would scare people with & it was funny. I would do it at work to break up the monotony & knew who it was ok to do it on.
If she has really long hair, I would cut it neatly and get her to donate it to a charity like https://www.wigsforkids.org/, watch some videos of children that actually suffer hair loss and how it makes them feel less than others, emotionally upsetting etc. Get her to realise that what she did to her Brother as a prank is someone elses reality and that is not something that is a joke. Stop pranking as parents, even making a second meal does not remove the sheer horror of having ruined the other, and that is also so wasteful and not a good message for your kids. I would also sit her and her brother down and explain to them that pranks on social media are often staged and consensual that they are for profit and likes etc, not just in the moment pranks, there is a lot of thought and energy that goes into making something look so startling and getting it all on film, because in RL people would not stay in frame etc.
I would say ESH. First, the parents, for all their pranking of their own kids. Pranks are just another form of bullying, and almost always the target-person laughing at the end is just trying to cover their embarrassment or save face. Parents are supposed to act like parents, not "buddies". Second, the daughter. I won't say she has learned nothing. She in fact learned that pranks are "cool" and "fun" -- too bad her parents taught her this. What she hasn't learned is empathy or boundaries. Instead of a year's punishment though I'd have shaved her head in an identical pattern to what she did. Punishment, meet crime.
They need to start acting like PARENTS, not just buddies to their kids.
Ok not trying to be super critical or anything but they haven't banned all her ability to contact other people, she can still text and call which is arguably far better forms of communication than social media apps, and I'd agree on the pranks they're never funny to everyone. The kid can still socialise, for starters she goes to school so don't over-react. But still kinda harsh punishment a year is a long time to have no digital entertainment.
Teh punishment is severe, but so is the complete lack of empathy on th girl's part. i'd offer her trade: No digital punishment, but you shave off all your hair.
That is not a prank; it's assault. Maybe you shouldn't have taught your children that pranking was an acceptable way to behave. At the end of the day, this is YOUR fault.
I think she is lucky that she isn't my daughter. That what the parents did is totally fine. Yo do not need a phone and Internet to socialise. Go out and visit your friend personally. Like we did back in the days when there was no Internet. Honestly. From me she would have get an ass spanking in addition that she cannot sit without pain the whole week. That she will remember forever.
I'd say the only person here who isn't clearly an a-hole is the son, and we honestly have no idea there. A year in the life of a 13 year old tho is a lot different than a year for a 40 year old or however old the parents are, and it is a formative one. It will not just ruin her year, but will set her entire life on a different course. Sounds dramatic, but it is a very key year in people's live and will impact her entire HS experience in terms of friends and social skills which she clear needs to develop as it is. I also wouldn't make her shave her head, because that would have the same impact. I'd say that making her volunteer for a significant portion of her free time for a year would be more appropriate as it would potentially teach her things rather than just isolating her. And also, the parent need to own up to their kids about their responsibility here. Give then a lesson that "sometimes adults make mistakes, but you need to own those mistakes and make them right."
ESH. as a teen with strict parents yo should not have taught her to prank people. and yea that is bad for her to have shaved her brothers hair but she needs to be taught not to do that instead of punished. and a YEAR? extreme.
i think the overall punishment is a bit extreme. i 100% support banning tiktok from her phone, but taking away all of her technology will only make her resent you. grounding her for a year will KlLL what little social skills she has, but i would say a month?? is reasonable (i’m not good w grounding times.) i would definitely make her apologize to her brother, and explain to her why what she did is so awful. as for the parents prankish, it’s bad that they do it to begin with, but should most definitely stop after this incident. also sorry to the son :(
Wow, people, the kid isn't "completely cut off" from her friends, she has a Nokia and can text and call them. If her behavior warrants, or she can work a deal, any extracurriculars that might happen can be arranged. At 13 it isn't like it will ruin her future, just her afterschool time. She needs to understand that social media contorts your views and morals, and that following the crowd can cause harm.
NTA she even said a year OR until his hair grows back. That takes away the same amount of time she took away from him and they can always shorten it if things change. But dukesofskye what a moron. You’re too fragile for this world. There’s nothing wrong with playing a joke that doesn’t hurt anyone. There’s an entire universe between making someone laugh and causing permanent damage.
...Why are we even hearing about this? This is a family quarrel, and no, validation for bad parenting choices is not required. They created the monster, and yes, the punishment is way too harsh. Punished for a year? Over THIS? She didn't drown her baby brother in the bathtub here. It's hair, and it will grow back. As upset as he is, he can fix his hair situation. A dude with a buzz cut is perfectly acceptable by societal standards. Ground her for a month, and then send a better message about pranking to your children so it doesn't get out of hand like this again.
Why adult people thinks pranks are funny. And how do the believe, it could never get out of control? This entire family need a pep talk, not just the girl.
The trouble with pranks is that the impact they can have on an individual varies enormously. For some there is that sudden jolt when you think a certain thing has happened and your body may get flooded with adrenaline to deal with it. Feels horrible in my opinion. People sometimes pretend that it was funny and that they were okay with it because they don't want to look like someone who can't take a joke. Then the pranksters often escalate what they'll do to get a reaction. Fine if people have agreed that they can play pranks on each other but I'm really not keen on it for anyone who is unsuspecting. It isn't about only being serious - there are many other ways of having fun.
Load More Replies... Sorry, but you kind of created your own monster by pulling the pranks that you do on other people. You may have extra portions of food ready for the salt shaker joke, but you've basically shown your daughter that it's ok to be a jerk to someone else. How was she supposed to know the difference? My sister once convinced my mother that I lived in a different time zone even though we were only 110 miles apart. That's a harmless joke. But what you do are pranks that scare people or make them upset...there's nothing funny about that.
The best thing about this story is that although obviously the parents contributed to creating this little monster, they've added punishment for themselves onto the punishment for her! Yes, these jerks are going to have to spend the next year listening to the little pest whine and scream how IT'S NOT FAAAAAAIR, and they'll never be able to.pull another prank in front of their kids as long as they live.
Load More Replies... First of all tiktok is NOT appropriate for a 13 year old. I’m 35 and have it. I think it should be adults only. You think predators and bullying is bad on Facebook? Haha. You’ve seen nothing. Secondly, I think the punishment should be no tiktok until she’s idk 16? I don’t really know an appropriate age it’s really a slippery slope there and ban from social media maybe a month OR she could agree to shave her head so she can empathize with what she did to her brother. Social media has really brought the narcissism out of people and it really should be heavily monitored on young people. What she did was flat out cruel.
I would like to correct you. Tik Tok is not appropriate for humans. It brings out the worst in people and the good things don't need it as medium.
Load More Replies... This thing needs more detail. Is she planning to somehow teach the daughter why what she did was wrong, or is the daughter supposed to just have a light bulb moment all on her own? From what I've read the mother is more focused on punishing rather than teaching. And is she encouraging her son to live his life with whatever haircut he has? Did she consider therapy for him? Because that boy seems to be struggling with self-image issues, and the mother sounds very overdramatic about this (I get that he considers his year ruined, but for her to agree just doesn't send the right signal).
Genuine question, how could she teach the daughter that what she did was wrong? Apparently, the daughter sees no problem with what she did. I absolutely agree that we should teach children rather than just punish them, but in this situation, I would not know how.
Load More Replies... NTA as someone who is 13 and love my hair I can see both sides. She's 13!!! She knows it was a d**k move and a year is 100% ok. She will develop social skills since schools are open or opening! A year without electronics should not be that hard and she completely destroyed her brothers confidence! She needs to be away from those bad influences - in this case ticktock
Well, bar the fact that she is quoted as saying in justification of her actions "it's just hair and you're not even a girl, get over it'. We've no actual proof that she knows it was a d!ck move at all - or that she is even slightly sorry. Her parents need to stamp on the view she has that hair only matters to girls as well. Glad I'm not the parent dealing with this I must admit.
Load More Replies... I worry more how this 13yo girl learned these things. A year in family therapy for all involved might be more useful.
Through Tik Tok, probably. Idiotic and life-changing pranks are wildly popular on there.
Load More Replies... There’s lots bp doesn’t bother to tell us. : AITA for "going too far" with my punishment? He is in therapy. According to his actual therapist, who has undergone years of training, and is very well versed in this field, his state was fragile right now. He's been conditioned by years of treatment to feel like "less than" and that he can't get anything right. A couple months ago when something went wrong, my son would have responded "Well, this is my life, something has to go wrong" The therapist said that had he been able to live in his confident "perfect" self for even a couple of weeks, he would be far more able to handle adversity and overcome it. However in this stage his reaction was "Why is my life always s**t, why can't I just catch a single break for once" which is why the punishment is so harsh, it's not even just a year she's ruined, it may well be his mental health for the rest of his life. Even if not for his whole life, she just set back 3 years of therapy work.
Going to be honest, most “pranks” are not pranks. There’s negative consequences to even “harmless” pranks. I personally do not like pranks because that’s how the bullies who did mental, emotional and physical damage, would try to excuse what they did to myself and others. Some good examples of this are Sam Pepper, who sexually assaulted women and then men when people called him out for sexual assault. He thought people saw it as SA because he was doing it to women so he decided to also do it to men. His response was always “it’s just a prank” when the people he SA-Ed would confront him on what he did to them and he’d point to the camera recording. It’s not funny, even if the VICTIM tries to save face.
I'm with the ESH people. The parents set the tone and the 13yr old doesn't understand what 'going too far' means. Yes she should be punished - absolutely, but the parents need to grow up as well. And a year with no social life (so much of it is online for these kids) is way too harsh. No tiktok is fine, but friends are vital at that age
If it were a boy snuck into a girls room and did this to a sleeping girl. Would you be so dismissive? No. You would be enraged as the parents were. I think in addition to the punishment they meted out, she should be forced to delete her Tik Tok and all her posts that got views. Assault is not funny.
Load More Replies... I am on the fence here. Year grounding? waaay too long, and the kid does not understand why her prank was bad but mommys were ok. I am all for "eye for an eye" - she shaved her brother's har? Shave hers. Not shitty - shave her to 1mm neatly and donate her hair for cancer survivor wig. But also she needs The Talk about body autonomy, boundaries etc. And she should be sent to do some charity work with chemo kids to see how IMPORTANT hair are for people.
No 13 year should be on tik tok. That is the first mistake you made. There are other ways to socialize with other kids. My friends and I grew up without social media and somehow we survived. I have to say though, your child showed absolutely no remorse for what she did. That in itself is really worrying. You need to get her into some serious therapy to figure out what’s going on.
The adult pranks in this family are tasteless too. I'm not surprised a 13 year old would then take this as a cue to cut off her brother's hair. While that was nasty, grounding her for an entire year will be devastating to her mental health. NOT a good idea.
I think I'm on the fence. I definitely think this should be a major punishment and I would tell the daughter A) no more pranking and that includes the adults in the house and talk about how they need to stop as well B) having her receive back responsibilities while doing good. Her saying her brother isn't that upset cause he's a boy shows she's definitely an immature 13 year old and she needs to learn some empathy now before its too late. Having her volunteer with people who are in different social situations where they are judged by their looks would be a good place to start. Start teaching the whole family loving responsibility instead of pouring salt on food. C) no more Tik Tok no matter what good she does. I know kids love their phones and social media but my God am I glad it was not around when I didn't understand long term consequences.
Oh no, what a little b!tch. I wonder if she would laugh if her hair was shaved off.. Hmmm maybe too harsh?
Apparently, for her it would be worse because she is a ... girl. This child should be taught as soon as possible that men can be assaulted too and that she cannot touch somebody else's body without their consent. I can't say I'm very impressed by the parental skill of the adults in this story.
Load More Replies... My sister cut my hair while I was sleeping because she was jealous I had curly hair and she had pin straight hair. People would kind of make a fuss over how pretty my hair was. Funny thing is she wanted my curls and I wanted straight hair. She left my mom no choice but to cut my hair really short because she had butchered it so badly, so I looked like a boy and got teased at school. To this day (we are in our 50s) my sister is a petty, spiteful person.
I bet she wouldn't say "it's just hair" if someone shaved hers. If her sense of "humor" is being jerk to others., then she deserves punishment.
I'm okay with the punishment, particularly as the parents are going to suffer almost as much as the grounded kid. They're going to have to listen to her whine that it's NOT FAAAAAAAAIR for a whole freaking year!
This is the tightrope we walk as parents: coming up with a fair consequence that will teach them the lesson needed, while not making us go crazy 😅
Load More Replies... i think a year is too much time to be grounded, but I'm 13 and I don't have a phone, so she'll be fine. also, maybe they can shave her hair too, and see how she likes it. bc honestly hair is really important in my opinion.
The child needs to be punished, but a year of grounding is too much on top of the media ban. As for pranks, I stopped watching Ellen Degeneres' show many years ago because she cruelly pranked her guests. I realized how unkind her humor was. This family needs to examine their part in this debacle.
Pranks are like jokes...and jokes have certain boundaries that one shouldn't cross..it is through experience that one can understand how much one can go and what jokes are appropriate at what situation...I feel for her coz for her every prank is harmless, her parents can do , why shouldn't she? All those people need a lesson on pranks nd jokes, not jst the girl...she is jst 13
While I think her punishment should be the same duration as the impact she had on her brother’s social life and self image, grounding seems a bit extreme and probably won’t teach much empathy. Perhaps just shave her head too? Idk, I’m not a parent and this post has just reaffirmed for the billionth time that I don’t want kids.
Or she's just a bad person... I'm also 13 and I've had tiktok for years and I wouldve never even thought of doing this to my siblings.
Load More Replies... While I agree that "harmless pranks" are not nearly as harmless as they think, I think that anyone who is friends with/part of the family will know what to expect. The daughter very much crossed a line, and needs consequences that make her more empathetic to her assault victim (her brother). Removing social media doesn't "cut her off from the world", she has access to her friends. What she would be cut off from is the echo-chamber social media that would tell her that she is right and her parents are wrong. Shaving her head, while poetic, seems more retaliatory than educatuonal. In the meantime, the rest of the family seems aware now that pranks aren't harmless and hopefully will change their own behavior as well.
I'm so glad that social media didn't exist when I was 13. Nokia phone and shitty access to laptop, I agree with. Year long grounding won't have any effect.
I would say a year is too harsh. Maybe 1 month grounding and no phone or laptop, and a 1 year ban on tiktok, plus a ban on posting videos to social media. If/when she gets a phone or laptop back, disable or destroy the camera. It sucks for the 17 year old guy, but really, it's not life destroying. Take him to a hairstylist to get it fixed as much as possible, and maybe make the daughter pay for it from her allowance. And stop with the pranks, because your 13 year old doesn't have the emotional intelligence to distinguish funny from assault.
...I'm sorry, what? I believe the OP is NTA, simply because I'm in a similar situation to the daughter's punishment. Not because I did anything wrong, but because of COVID. Sure, I can still use most websites (school computers like the one I'm using have way too many websites blocked, to the point where I can't even make Google searches containing certain words). So since I'm already experiencing this, I can say that it's not as bad as you might think. So no, NTA on the OP's part, I think the daughter is the wrong here and deserves that punishment (but maybe for a little under a year? Because yeah, this whole deal has done a number on my mental health and I seriously need some social interation).
I don't know about the year long grounding, like others have said; give her probation after sometime if she behaves herself, but I agree about getting rid of her smartphone & limiting her laptop. While I think the idea giving her a time limit for "fun" internet instead of what the mom gave is better, I don't think she should have her smartphone back until she is 16 & shouldn't be on TikTok until she is a legal adult.
NTA. If i was the parent here i’d just take away all social medias and shave her head to look exactly like the brother’s. That was she has to be embarrassed as well and can’t ‘post’ that it was all a ‘prank’
Yeah, and that would make you the problem, just like these parents. Punishment is not going to teach her about boundaries. She needs punishment and some good explanation about why this is awful. And maybe, after that, shave her head to make sure the memory lasts. I'm sorry, I'm going to a rough patch when it comes to honestly feeling people can rehabilitate. The stupid is just too widespread.
Load More Replies... ESH. Taking social media away for a while is reasonable, but grounding and cutting off contact to friends for a 13 year old girl is straight-up abusive. That does things to someone's mental health, and it isn't going to teach her anything else.
The punishment is apt. But you both need to acknowledge that this is also partly your fault. You are adults and have shown your girl that pranks are normal behaviour when it is just disrespectful of others. Whether you think your 'prankster' behaviour is fine or not, you taught her first that it was okay to be voyeuristic with other people's personal being and mental health. She is a child and may not be able to gauge the extremity of what she did to her brother because you have taught her that it doesn't matter as long as she has a laugh. You need to punish yourselves as well and stop pranking anyone. You are adults; act like it. And apologize to your son for your part in all of this.
tiktokers would wipe the north sentinelese off the face of this earth and call it a prank
You raised sociopath. Your sister's opinion shouldn't matter. Not her child. You and your husband on the other hand need to get her mental help immediately. She clearly has no empathy.
Ok first of all you taught her that pranks were fine. You cannot expect a 13 year old child to have the ability to see the long term consequences of one prank when it's part of your family's culture (which is problematic). So yes you need to correct the behavior, cool take the phone away and block the sites. But for a year?!?!?!? Because that's not going to backfire at all... yes the 13 year old should be punished. But I'm not sure grounding for a year is the best approach
I think the mom should go up to her sister and ambush her with some clippers and then start laughing because it's so funny. I bet the aunt wouldn't think so. And anyone saying their punishment is too harsh, please don't reproduce. We have enough spoiled and entitled kids walking around. We don't need you to create anymore.
When I was about this age, one of my brothers kept taking my bike without asking and taking off for hours on it, leaving me without one. So, I took several pairs of his pants out of his closet and sewed the legs shut. That is the sort of "prank" that can easily be undone within a short amount of time. Hair shaved to the scalp could need up to 6 months to grow back. These parents need to seriously reconsider their fondness for pranks, as she has obviously grown up to think that this sort of thing is okay.
I think a punishment, whatever it is, that lasts as long as it takes the hair to grow back, is appropriate, because then she feels in real time the lasting effect of what she did
YTA, you taught your kids to play pranks. All pranks are childish, mindless and bullying. It relies on someone being humiliated and then bullied into being a good sport. She needs no punishment other than you apologising to her for setting a bad example and teaching her to be a prick. The boy needs to get the f**k over himself and get a hat. You are teaching him that his looks are the most important thing about him.
I think that the punishment is good. The only thing that I would say is put a specific ban on a specific thing for a year, not just 'grounded'. What is she grounded from, social media? Friends? Also, don't ground her from friends for a year, that could have serious, long term effects on her social health. I would choose a more specific punishment.
I think she got off light. I'd have cut her hair to a pixie cut at the least.
Why would not having a smart phone impact her socially? She can still call and text.. I didn't have a cell phone growing up, but I still talked to friends and visited them. If they don't put their foot down, these pranks are just going to get more and more serious until she ends up really hurting someone and being arrested.
As someone who was grounded for a year at a time, every year, because I didn't do my schoolwork due to anxiety (and I'm homeschooled), I see two sides to this. The first one is that she's 13, she shouldn't be on the Internet much anyway. It ruins people's mental health. And since she pulled such a terrible prank on her brother, I'd say go for it. Ground her, take away her phone, restrict her laptop. It's not the end of the world if she doesn't have social media, help her learn to draw or write or something that is better for her. She can contact her friends via the Nokia her parents are so generously providing for her. However. I was in her shoes once. Nothing so serious as cutting off my brother's hair, but with the homework thing. I never had many friends or social activities, so that wasn't too bad, but I'm terrible about actually talking to people without sounding like an idiot or a psychopath. I didn't do my homework because I was scared I would get bad grades since my mother
Was so scary when someone got bad grades. So I was grounded until I could figure it out. It was a valuable lesson learned, at the expense of my mental health and sanity.
Load More Replies... The girl should be punished, but grounding for a year is so extreme it will almost certainly backfire. Mom will have 2 kids with mental health issues by the end of the year. Also, how long is this boys hair that people think it will take an entire year to grow back? What punishment should the mom get for allowing her 13 year old to even be on TikTok? It’s full of influence! Human brains do not stop developing until the mid 20s, the frontal lobe being the last portion to do so. The SAME portion of the brain that adults use to really think their actions through. At 13, punish, but don’t torture. TEACH!
I'd have made her shave her head the same way so see can see how funny it it.
I think the punishment fits the crime. Tiktok has brainwashed young people into doing the most stupid things for likes.
I despise pranksters. There's no such thing as a "harmless prank." They're all annoying as hell. As for the psycho daughter, I'd shave her head completely and make her keep it that way for the next year.
Some pranks are funny. I used to have a fake mouse that I would scare people with & it was funny. I would do it at work to break up the monotony & knew who it was ok to do it on.
If she has really long hair, I would cut it neatly and get her to donate it to a charity like https://www.wigsforkids.org/, watch some videos of children that actually suffer hair loss and how it makes them feel less than others, emotionally upsetting etc. Get her to realise that what she did to her Brother as a prank is someone elses reality and that is not something that is a joke. Stop pranking as parents, even making a second meal does not remove the sheer horror of having ruined the other, and that is also so wasteful and not a good message for your kids. I would also sit her and her brother down and explain to them that pranks on social media are often staged and consensual that they are for profit and likes etc, not just in the moment pranks, there is a lot of thought and energy that goes into making something look so startling and getting it all on film, because in RL people would not stay in frame etc.
I would say ESH. First, the parents, for all their pranking of their own kids. Pranks are just another form of bullying, and almost always the target-person laughing at the end is just trying to cover their embarrassment or save face. Parents are supposed to act like parents, not "buddies". Second, the daughter. I won't say she has learned nothing. She in fact learned that pranks are "cool" and "fun" -- too bad her parents taught her this. What she hasn't learned is empathy or boundaries. Instead of a year's punishment though I'd have shaved her head in an identical pattern to what she did. Punishment, meet crime.
They need to start acting like PARENTS, not just buddies to their kids.
Ok not trying to be super critical or anything but they haven't banned all her ability to contact other people, she can still text and call which is arguably far better forms of communication than social media apps, and I'd agree on the pranks they're never funny to everyone. The kid can still socialise, for starters she goes to school so don't over-react. But still kinda harsh punishment a year is a long time to have no digital entertainment.
Teh punishment is severe, but so is the complete lack of empathy on th girl's part. i'd offer her trade: No digital punishment, but you shave off all your hair.
That is not a prank; it's assault. Maybe you shouldn't have taught your children that pranking was an acceptable way to behave. At the end of the day, this is YOUR fault.
I think she is lucky that she isn't my daughter. That what the parents did is totally fine. Yo do not need a phone and Internet to socialise. Go out and visit your friend personally. Like we did back in the days when there was no Internet. Honestly. From me she would have get an ass spanking in addition that she cannot sit without pain the whole week. That she will remember forever.
I'd say the only person here who isn't clearly an a-hole is the son, and we honestly have no idea there. A year in the life of a 13 year old tho is a lot different than a year for a 40 year old or however old the parents are, and it is a formative one. It will not just ruin her year, but will set her entire life on a different course. Sounds dramatic, but it is a very key year in people's live and will impact her entire HS experience in terms of friends and social skills which she clear needs to develop as it is. I also wouldn't make her shave her head, because that would have the same impact. I'd say that making her volunteer for a significant portion of her free time for a year would be more appropriate as it would potentially teach her things rather than just isolating her. And also, the parent need to own up to their kids about their responsibility here. Give then a lesson that "sometimes adults make mistakes, but you need to own those mistakes and make them right."
ESH. as a teen with strict parents yo should not have taught her to prank people. and yea that is bad for her to have shaved her brothers hair but she needs to be taught not to do that instead of punished. and a YEAR? extreme.
i think the overall punishment is a bit extreme. i 100% support banning tiktok from her phone, but taking away all of her technology will only make her resent you. grounding her for a year will KlLL what little social skills she has, but i would say a month?? is reasonable (i’m not good w grounding times.) i would definitely make her apologize to her brother, and explain to her why what she did is so awful. as for the parents prankish, it’s bad that they do it to begin with, but should most definitely stop after this incident. also sorry to the son :(
Wow, people, the kid isn't "completely cut off" from her friends, she has a Nokia and can text and call them. If her behavior warrants, or she can work a deal, any extracurriculars that might happen can be arranged. At 13 it isn't like it will ruin her future, just her afterschool time. She needs to understand that social media contorts your views and morals, and that following the crowd can cause harm.
NTA she even said a year OR until his hair grows back. That takes away the same amount of time she took away from him and they can always shorten it if things change. But dukesofskye what a moron. You’re too fragile for this world. There’s nothing wrong with playing a joke that doesn’t hurt anyone. There’s an entire universe between making someone laugh and causing permanent damage.
...Why are we even hearing about this? This is a family quarrel, and no, validation for bad parenting choices is not required. They created the monster, and yes, the punishment is way too harsh. Punished for a year? Over THIS? She didn't drown her baby brother in the bathtub here. It's hair, and it will grow back. As upset as he is, he can fix his hair situation. A dude with a buzz cut is perfectly acceptable by societal standards. Ground her for a month, and then send a better message about pranking to your children so it doesn't get out of hand like this again.
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