Mom Defends Her Daughter By Withdrawing Her Funds For Stepson’s Camp After He Ruined Her Sticker Collection
No matter how loving a family might seem, no home stands without its residents having a few arguments now and then. Especially when there are kids involved who each want to be heard and have their wishes taken into consideration. But these little fights and arguments mean nothing if there’s a fast and everyone-pleasing solution. However, this is not always the case. This is why Reddit user @Differentkind565 wanted to ask people online for some advice after being confronted with a family dilemma.
The woman started her story by sharing that she lives with her husband, her 12-year-old daughter, and her 16-year-old stepson. She also added that her daughter has been disabled since the age of 5 and the only thing that she truly enjoys is collecting stickers. The mom also revealed some information about his stepson, stating that he’s very much looking forward to this camping trip. For this reason, the woman had been saving up the money and already gave 80% of the amount needed while her husband added 20%.
More Info: Reddit
Living in a blended family is a normal occurrence these days but it does come with its own challenges
Image credits: Soozie Bea (not the actual photo)
However, this agreement of the woman giving the money so that her stepson could go to the camp changed after an incident that involved him and his stepsister. Knowing that he would be going soon, the teen asked his stepsister to lend him her camera. The younger sibling didn’t feel like giving it to him, so she said “no.” The 16-year-old wasn’t happy with this decision, and even turned to his parents, but the woman said that if the girl doesn’t want to give her stuff to him, he should accept it.
Reddit user decided to share an incident that occurred in her household that unsettled her as it involved her daughter and her stepson
Image credits: Differentkind565
The stepson got mad to the point where he decided to ruin the most precious thing that his stepsister had. So he and his two friends decided to burn the girl’s sticker collections for not wanting to lend him the camera. After the mom found out about this, she told her stepson that she’s taking back the money that she gave for the camp, meaning that he won’t be able to go. The teen was devastated and apologized, but this didn’t change the woman’s mind. It also didn’t help when her husband found out about all of this and said that his wife took it too far. The man was convinced that this would ruin the relationship between the woman and her stepson.
The mom revealed that her stepson was rude enough to ruin his stepsister’s sticker collection after she said “no” to lending him a camera
Image credits: Differentkind565
After finding out what the teen did, the mom decided not to let her stepson go to the camp
Image credits: Differentkind565
This family drama made the woman doubt her choice of not letting her stepson to go to the camp. But many users online though that she did the right thing and found the 16-year-old’s behavior disturbing. Some also expressed their concerns about the husband who didn’t care about his stepdaughter’s feelings and started threatening his wife that her stepson will hate her for what she did.
What is your take on this story? Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
The woman’s husband wasn’t sure that her punishment was such a good idea as it would break the mom-son relationship
Image credits: Differentkind565
Being in a blended family is a common occurrence that surprises no one. But it does come with certain challenges. This is why it’s important to consider a lot of factors before even creating a new family together. According to the American Psychological Association, there are certain ways to help yourself and your family to work things out as smoothly as possible, especially when kids are involved. So first of all, it’s suggested to talk about the previous and the upcoming marriage with your ex-spouse and your kids, to find out how everyone feels about it and if there are no unresolved issues and anger, as it can reappear later down the road.
After a whole family drama ensued, the woman wasn’t sure if her punishment was the right thing to do, so she went online to ask for other people’s advice
Image credits: Marcin Wichary (not the actual photo)
Talking about and resolving logistic and financial matters is crucial. Where are you all going to be living? What do your (step) kids think about it? If you’re moving, how is it going to affect everyone? Be open about how you want to raise your kids together with your new spouse, not forgetting other details such as finances and overall care. These questions will help to determine the basic house rules and fair treatment that, in the long run, will assure a family’s healthy and happy living environment.
Users online supported the woman and stated that the 16-year-old’s behavior was quite disturbing
Some people online also criticized the husband and his position in this situation
Image credits: Differentkind565
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1) there is no longer "camp money" because it is now a "sticker replacement fund" until the collection has been recovered as best as possible. Stepson may recruit his friends to help with that task if they can contribute in a way that is not harmful to others. 2) OP seriously needs to consider and prioritize a long term plan for her daughter's care and well-being, should something suddenly happen to OP. Clearly the stepdad and stepbrother will not be fulfilling that role in a loving and thoughtful way.
As to #2 above, I'm talking like a large life insurance policy that is put into trust solely for the daughter's benefit, and administered by someone other than family. Preferably someone covered by a professional code of ethics.
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NTA at all. And I think she needs to get her daughter out of this household. Who knows what the stepson might do next time.
so NTA. first of all, he took your daughters stickers and BURNED them. it’s your money you are using for this camp so you have the right to take it away. and if your husband can’t see that his son is wrong then you need to get out. what if the stepson does something worse because you pulled back the camp money?
Agreed. I had something of mine destroyed by a sibling and even if I deserved it or not. It was my pride and joy and when I saw it destroyed I cried. I cried so hard. I still rage about it to this day. These things stay with a person or in this situation the 12 year old.. And, well, that three day punishment won't. He will only remember the getting away with it, so he will keep doing it. Honestly the pulling of the money was good. He destroyed/took away her happiness so take his too. It teaches them boundaries. He is gonna remember it. And he should get a job and pay back the stickers. Don't let him save for camp till it's paid off. If he does that to someone else he can go to jail. Also like one of the comments said, what about his future partner. This is how toxic relationships happen. (Sorry it's so long :| )
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So a boy of 16 (!!!!) cannot take a "no" and decides to exact a punishment??? On his little disabled sister??? That is such a red flag parade I can't believe they are even worried about camp or no camp.
Yes, and worry must be : is it a first time offense? Closed doors can hide a lot
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NTA, dad has the gall to say "just let him learn from his mistakes" YEA, HE WILL F****N LEARN WHEN HE DOESN'T GET TO GO TO CAMP. Honestly, he's lucky, because depending on where you live you could actually get him arrested for destruction of property, since he's 16. Also, If he's crazy enough to destroy the property of a disabled little girl just because he got told "no" then who knows what he'll do next? And if Dad, aka your new husband, downplays this, it's a huge red flag and OP should think long and hard about whether this man is worth his son tormenting them and especially the safety and livelihood of her daughter
He's more than crazy, he's dangerous. He lit the stickers on FIRE because he was told "no". Kids and teenagers (and even adults) learn by association, which means they see or learn that doing one thing leads to another thing (which could be good or bad). Here's an example of that: "sister likes stickers, I like sister's camera, sister said no camera, I don't get camera so sister doesn't get stickers." His dad's response is teaching him that if he does something bad he wont get in trouble. In the future the example I showed could change and instead of stickers it could be "girlfriend likes her DOG" or even worse "wife likes the BABY" and he could potentially seriously harm or even kill someone or something because of what he learned from his dad and what he associated. OP should make the dad pay for therapy or possibly have the boy sent to juvenile hall for destruction of property or, depending on the state, go to jail.
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he sets fire to something emotionally important just because he couldnt borrow a camera, what the hecks he gonna do if a woman doesnt agree to put out for him?
At 16, that's psychopath stuff. If the daughter is hers and not theirs, I'd be getting us out of there, since the father is an enabler and the daughter in an especially vulnerable position.
I always ask who the hell such dad rising? What he expects to get as a result? It is unsafe " family" situation, if not handed properly. Step mom handing it properly, but not father. Also, is it the first and only abuse the not commit? Look closer...
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NTA. As the mother of an adult with special needs, I don't think you were harsh enough... If someone had done this to my son the fury of hell would pale in comparison to the anger I would unleash. I also think the marriage needs to be reevaluated as well.
You don't have a stepson problem, you have a husband problem. He doesn't care about you, he doesn't care about your daughter, and he seems to be very happy to spend your money. His son emotionally abused your daughter - where do you think he learned that from?
That's not just emotional abuse. That's also destruction of property. Hell why label the kind? It's just abuse plain and simple.
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A 16-year-old who's willing to pour gasoline over and set fire to his disabled sister's possessions is in need of some very heavy therapy for his behavior.
Stepson is a character on Criminal Minds. Get the daughter away from him.
More like Criminal Minds makes characters based on real life psychopaths like stepson! lol
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Setting someone’s property on fire because they said no to something is a huge red flag and very disturbing behavior. The fact his dad validated it makes it even worse. I know we say this a lot in these types of posts, but once again I’ll say it here…divorce.
That's actually frightening that he reacts to the word no like that. He's going to grow up to be like the rapist Brock "The Rapist" Turner if this isn't nipped in the bud now.
First of all: NTA!! Second: he is your stepson and as well as I can understand peoples reaction for you to grab your daughter and run, I would also suggest some serious therapy for the boy - setting anything on fire, when you don’t get it your way at 16??! He needs serious help, before he’ll react with hurting someone!
I agree with the commentator who said the stepson should have make some financial recompense to the DISABLED sibling whose property he destroyed in a fit of pique.
Yikes, yikes, and also, yikes. Run with your daughter. Far, FAR AWAY!
Its a shame an address or link wasn't posted so we can all contribute to giving her a giant sticker collection.
Under each image is a link it's the ops username
Load More Replies... I am also concerned that the brother could retaliate. He may have antisocial personality disorder that his father has not taken seriously. It is time for family and individual counseling. If Dad refuses this, it is time for the marriage to end. Your daughter’s safety and happiness is your responsibility. Sixteen is very late to nip this in the bud. His pathology is in full bloom and he may be in for a life of crime and substance abuse.
I would frankly file a police report. This is to serious. Here people over 15 is responsible for their crimes. Here we have theft and vandalism. See a estimated worth of the collection and make him pay for of, even if he has to sell off some of his property. The CPS too, perhaps, as his abusive behaviour is an alarm bell . That might save future victims from him.
Setting things on fire is definitely very alarming. That is an indication of uncontrollable anger, a need to physically destroy personal items as a way to punish someone, and the capacity for great cruelty. Setting fires in retaliation is a worrying overreaction; this kid needs some intensive therapy. I don't have any confidence that dad would follow through with counseling unless he was forced to. She needs to have the kid arrested, and then Family Court can monitor him and enforce counseling.
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Na, he sounds like a teenage boy with anger management issues. AH for sure, but psycho? You must live in a different world than me if this is "psycho" to you.
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NTA. And dad needs to get off his duff and discipline his kid. Why is he only contributing 20% to HIS kid's camp then guilting the STEP mother when she defends her own child. Big issues here. Mom should rethink the whole situation and get professional help for the kid (and his dad) or dump them both.
I told my 17 year old special needs daughter this story (brain cancer survivor, extreme anxiety.) Understand we share a very dark humor in our family. Her response? "No more hands for him."
How vile that at 16 year old boy would think he could “punish” a disabled 12 year old just because he could not get his way Equally vile is the father who believes his son should not suffer any inconvenience from his actions. The son will now retaliate again but has leaned to ensure the 12 year old does not tell her mother. She should have called the police for theft and destruction of property
I don't think the punishment fit the crime. If the electronics are important to the boy, put them in oil and burn them.
Get you and your daughter out of the house and somewhere safe. At 16, this is more than a temper tantrum. He might very well set your daughter on fire because he didn't get his way..Over a camera?? Come on..At 16 even he knows right from wrong. Dad isn't helping him by not backing his wife.
I agree; the boy caused the girl as much anguish as he could without physically hurting her. He used fire and he did it with his friends. The only way for him to escalate now is to physically hurt the girl. The mother and the daughter are both in danger
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Everyone has pretty much said. How can i help to send stickers to your girl. Im from Malaysia, so i may be able to send her some unique ones which she cant get over there.
As a dad to a 16 year old boy, this is a huge red flag and I'd consider getting out of the marriage. Even if it were a 12 year old boy, this is well beyond reasonable behavior. At 16, not being able to empathize with what this would do emotionally to his sister, this is a sign of a serious flaw. His dad not understanding that is terrible. If my son did this to anyone, I would accept that I completely failed raising him and would ground him for months. This is not okay.
You hit the nail on its head: the stepson's and husband's toxic responses are indicative of serious character flaws. OP needs to remove her vulnerable daughter and herself from this situation. NOW. Consider this stepson's actions and the husband's reaction as a bow-tied, red-flagged gift. It can only get worse.
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So, obviously, this 16 year old young man doesn't yet understand that he cannot have everything that he wants. He's also not understanding that other people's things are theirs to do with as they please. A 3 day electronics ban is not going to teach him that. Let's say your daughter was an accomplished artist and this scenario took place, would dad still be as nonchalant about it? Well, your daughter's sticker collection is of similar importance to her. Don't hold your breath that he'll learn from this though, for, dad seems to be the same way. I mean you saving up 80%of the funds and dad putting in 20%? Let dad buy him a camera!
NTA. This seems like a narcissistic father grooming a narcissistic son, or worse yet, one sociopath grooming another.
Hey fellow Pandas. Can we each send a couple of stamps each? A couple of bucks to help replenish her collection? We CAN do this! And more. Share this on social media and get some from around the world!
That's extremely concerning knowing his sisters only joy and good outlook on life were her stickers and let's be honest...how cruel the actual the world is to the disabled, without this added bs. I'd get him into counseling may sound over the top but from going to not being able to borrow a camera that wasn't even his to having him and his cronies burn her beloved collection of stickers. He used her love of her collection to destroy her...a sociopath in the making. This is horrifying considering serial killers begin this way...first animals...then younger, defenseless ppl. Get him some help if your worries continue... thats a deep danger. Better safe than sorry.
The son.. gathers "support", being his friends. Then commits theft, arson and bullying. All because he couldn't get what he wanted, when he wanted it, like an entitled little brat. And his dad thinking him not going to camp is "a step too far"? Is he insane too? And he's trying that narcissistic manipulative tactic of guilt, gas light and shame. Classic. Divorce this psycho, for one. Because that's dangerous behavior. Two, use the money you pulled out for that entitled brats fun times to fund a new sticker collection. And three, if that entitled brat "resents you forever" for not rewarding theft, bullying and arson with a happy fun summer he's learning from his dad and I wouldn't want that c**p in my life either. That poor little girl.. if it wasn't creepy to ask for a post box, I'd send her mine. I collect them too.
I've read many comments and feel reporting the son AND his friends to juvenile authorities is a good first step. Follow this with having him get a job a pay for replacing the stickers. Family counseling is a must. The dad isn't acting responsibly and needs his eyes opened. The counselor will also help you decide if you are in a toxic environment. Protect your daughter and don't forget to protect yourself. You may be the boys next target.
So much to unpack! 1. The stepson crying because his "I'm sorry" didn't suffice for his negative behavior seems pretty manipulative to me. 2. Can we address the fact that his retaliation could've burned the gouse down? It's pretty disturbing that the dad doesn't seem fazed at all my that. 3. The husband's lack of empathy or protection towards his stepdaughter is a HUGE red flag. It says to me that he will not protect or take responsibility for her, and that he is cool with you having more of an emotional investment in his son than he has for your daughter. 4. WhyTF are you contributing more for his son's trip than he is? And 5 (admittedly petty). Take his electronics and burn them b****es and see how he feels.
I need to address one more thing, what such behaviour means for the boys future? Father doesn't care at all, he only cares about money
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NTA. I wonder how much the camp costs and what the estimated monetary value of the sticker collection is. Some weeklong summer sports camps in my area are like $300, and a sticker collection could easily be way more than that ($5-10 per pack for cheap stickers, and way more for the fancy 3D ones for scrapbooking).
Dad is wrong. Stepmom isn't "punishing" him, she's simply no longer in the mood to do something nice for him after he was horrible to his (much younger) stepsister. Stepson needs to learn he's not automatically entitled to other people's property, whether it's a camera, sticker collection, or money.
Honestly, OP - U R NTA! Ur spouse and stepson Are DEFINITELY THE AH'S! Ur stepson is Criminal! Abuse of a Disabled individual?!?!?! Divorce both and send 16yr b******e to psychiatrist and/or jail! His A** should be working as a volunteer in a facility serving disabled individuals, cleaning toilets, washing dishes and scrubbing floors because he cannot be trusted to treat others humanely!
I'm really proud of her banning his friends grin the house, and she should tell their parents about their violent and destructive activity. The husband is a TOTAL AH for acting like his son was enitiled to her money, and acting like the son's behavior was only mildly unacceptable. That boy needs a hard punishment now, or it'll only get worse for everyone around him
Was about to mention letting the other boys' parents know exactly what happened. I'm glad I wasn't the first though. I am a father of a 16 year old boy myself. I cannot think of a single instance where he would not be grounded until he moves out if he did anything like this. . I would certainly make him work to pay for the stickers and camp? Are you kidding me? Soft parenting results in soft morals!
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NTA, what stepson and friends did is a CRIME. Three days of no electronics is supposed to be sufficient. Husband is trying to gaslight you with, "don't ruin your relationship ". His son is a bad person and he should face it. It happens
If the son had taken the stamps and thrown them in the garbage just before the garbage truck came, that would be very bad. The fact that he burned them in car oil is quite frightening. I fear that son requires help from a psychiatrist, and if the father can’t see that, so does he. Please be careful that the daughter is not harmed in retaliation for no camp. If the father and son will not seek psychological help, it may be time for you to leave. I am so sorry that this happened.
His behavior is a warning sign. If he's willing to set fire to a sticker collection, what's to stop him from setting fire to your house the next time he doesn't get what he wants? Boy needs therapy asap.
If a little 16yo psycho is taking a fiery vengeance (quite literally) for something small like not getting to have his stepsisters camera, and his father defending him like this, then OP needs to reconsider her life choices. Simple as that.
I wouldn't have gave the money neither and all the boys that was involved in burning the sticker's including the brother should buy new sticker's and yes use the money for the camp on new sticker's for your daughter
So the husband is ok with his biological son destroying his disabled step sister's possessions? More than just their relationship needs a good looking at.
As a retired high school teacher I can tell you there is *nothing* normal about a kid who sets fires. The fact that he did it intentionally to hurt someone with a disability makes it far worse. The fact that he saw this as a legitimate response to his anger means his “side” is irrelevant. Even more important, your daughter needs to know that you will protect her and that she comes first no matter what, up to and including leaving the marriage and ending the living arrangement to keep her safe.
The wife seriously needs take a second look at her marriage. If her husband is so nonchalant about this, it definitely should tell her more serious times are on the horizon. Husband should pay 'all' camp expenses and Mom, you need to keep a better watch on your daughter. Your stepson is 'dangerous' and he associates with other dangerous people. Guard your daughter well Mom. Guard your daughter extremely well. .
Are you kidding 3 days no electronics. Screw that, no more electronics until you're 18. Daughter has every right to sue him, how dare he ruin something of hers because he didn't get what he wants. That's the kind of behavior I'd expect from trump. I'd take his electronics and the door off his room and bathroom.
That stepson messed up! He is too old to do something like that! He needs to be punished. It would be a totaly different thing, if he had offered a deal to his step sister: "Can I borrow your camera for the summer camp? In exchange I will help you to find some cool new stickers for your collection.". Maybe then she would have agreed to borrow her camera to him.
A new relationship is not just a relationship with 1 person. It's a relationship with your family and another family, creating a bigger family. And every member of the family needs to be on the same page. Especially when children are involved. Punishment's are given by the parents not siblings. And property can be borrowed if the owner agrees to lend it. So young dude needs to learn you can't have everything you want, and you can't be rewarded for crimes. Now the punishment for destruction of property. Let the Punishment fit the Crime. Taking back money from camp trip. Yes that sounds like something of equal value. And to step dad.... Her needs to get onboard with raising that young man honest. Or do we want our youth to fail at adulting?
If they say No, then it's a No. You can't punish people for saying No. That's their decision, and if they say No, then he needs to accept that instead of "punishing" a DISABLED YOUNGER CHILD by LITERALLY BURNING THEIR YEARS OF WORK AND CURE TO ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION. Tell him *calmly* that if his son wants to go back to his camp, he needs to get back every single sticker that she's ever collected. That's only fair.
Sounds like the mom married into a narsacistic relationship where the son controls his dad. I'd run asap to a divorce lawyer. Nothing is fixing this situation.
OMG SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY JULIA!!!! You seriously need to get a life. I feel extremely sorry for anyone that has to deal with you and your annoying I'm better than everyone attitude. Now go f*ck off somewhere else and leave everyone alone.
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I would watch my back if I were you. Taking a younger sibling stuff just because he got said "no" and setting it on fire let alone she is disabled. Something is seriously wrong with him. As for your husband/thefather of the stepson he needs to be on your side not the son's. Your husband is totally wrong and you are right all the way.!
He's a 16 year old, understanding consequences should already be ingrained. I would suggest telling him that you intend to defund his trip and use that money to restore his sister's collection but there is still a punishment for his immature action. Give him a day to put together an alternative that will meet all the requirements of punishment and reimbursement. This will give him a chance to recognize and take responsibility for his actions. By offering an alternative such as a payment plan, taking over chores, etc.. accepted by you of course he is committing himself to the consequences and not just having the mean stepmom dictate unreasonable consequences like he's a little kid.
I think that is a very adequate reaction to a shockingly cruel act. And looking at Dad's reaction we can see where the sociopathic tendency comes from. They both sound like narcissists. I agree with Beth's comment about reconsidering long term plans with that family constellation.
Kat Min, I hope u meant that was a very INADEQUATE answer to a shockingly cruel act. I believe both Dad and Stepson are psychopaths!
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Mom is TOTALLY in the RIGHT. WHAT KIND OF Sociopathic MONSTER has this jerk father raised anyway?? Where does this spoiled brat punk get the ideas he can destroy something precious to this girl, that he can vengefully destroy it AND ONLY THEN APOLOGIZE by whining to papa that he was sorry?! GOOD!!! HE SHOULD BE!!! IF this girl's precious possession was a dog or kitten, would his friends and he set IT on fire?? WACKO Dad... it's NOT WHAT HE BURNED you should be losing sleep over...it's that he did it to be CRUEL, TO BULLY, TO SHOW HIS ENTITLEMENT, AND HIS DANGEROUS PERSONALITY DISORDER THAT YOU DAD, ARE WAY TOO UNEDUCATED TO EVEN SPOT. NOTHING!!...justifies what he did to do mental and emotional harm to this child. AND NOTHING about this act of VIOLENCE and HARM TOWARDS THIS FAMILY MEMBER SISTER can be justified in ANY mentally, morally HEALTHY FAMILY can justify his threats that mom's well- centered discipline actions-LONG OVERDUE BY DADDY-are overreactions.
This kid needs to see a therapist with that money. Perhaps talk to the police about arson.
The behavior of the stepson is concerning. They maybe should consider using the money for professional help for this kid, and naturally for some nice sticker for the girl. (I wonder what would happen if he is denied sexual interaction with his girlfriend in the future? Will he do similar actions?)
I certainly agree that the woman was NTA and she did not overreact to what Was done to his stepsister. It makes me wonder what he has done that has not come to light. Definitely use the funds you were going to contribute to do your best to replace the stickers that were lost. This made me cry for your daughter. She should certainly be able to say no without facing retaliation. further your daughter has a disability. These stickers help her with anxiety. Does her stepbrother not recognize how cruel his actions were? Does he have no empathy for how many things are thwarted in her life because she has a disability? Does he have no compassion for her situation and realize how fortunate he is not to be disabled? His father is fostering a sense of entitlement in him and at best he may grow up to be a narcissist at worst sociopath. Evaluate if it is healthy to be around this man and his son
Collections being burnt, that hurts so much. It is like burning a museum full of history that can not be replaced even with new collections. These are unreplaceable things that others do not know or understand.
His parents should be funding his camp. If daddy REALLY wanted him to go he would have funded the 80%... not expecting you to.
Don't know how long you have been married, but you need to protect your daughter from not only your stepson but his father. It seems like dad is probably afraid of retaliation from his son also, I think it would be wise to get out of this situation, because his son is mentally disturbed and things will only escalate now that he isn't getting his camping experience. Dad is taking easiest way out for himself, with no regard for your daughter or you.
The boy's behavior is extremely alarming. To take revenge on a handicapped sibling is truly scary. What will happen as he gets older and does not get his way? They better put a stop to it now!
Everyone drop the ball, except your daughter. When she initially told him no, that should have ended the discussion. Him asking multiple times, was not a reasonable action. Not going to camp, is not a consequence. He should not have touched her property, and most certainly should not have destroyed it - with his friends. His actions were not age appropriate, so he definitely should have therapy. He could have caused a large fire.
Next time your stepson feels like he is entitled to something or to destroy something belonging to someone else, he might find himself on the wrong side of the law. I don't know if anyone mentioned this but he did is CRIMINAL and has legal consequences. Tell your stupid, dimwit husband that there are no "3 days out" punishment in court. To be honest, the son is the reflection of his entitled and childish father, good riddens to both
This 16 year old boy is headed down a very dark path. This is only the beginning. What could he be capable of doing next. He doesn't need camp. He needs counseling, and a lot of it. And that little girl needs protection. After the father has lost all sense of discipline, and a "boys will be boys" mentality, I would tell mom to grab your daughter and run. Far from this environment.
You did the right decision . You need to sit down and have a talk with your husband. You explain that you wouldn’t tolerate such behavior toward her daughter, especially the damaging her property to hurt your daughter. That punishment he suggested is punishment for a 10 year old. If it were me, I would take back my money and he would have to find a job, so he would be able to replace the stamps. You explain to him, if he want the marriage to last, he need to realize that what he committed was a crime, he could have gone to jail. This time he did to his stepsister, the next time may be the neighbor.
Not going to camp is the least of his worries. Because if were my house, his little wahoo would be finding a job and his paycheck would go into a fund for your daughters stickers. And your husband can help replace them. I think he needs a serious lesson in consequences too.
Is there a address we can send her some stickers to? That boy knew exactly what he was doing and he don't deserve to go to that camp.
Nah F that. Your husband is a loser for trying to reverse this on you. Forget his kid is a pyro....why would you do something like that? If this was my mom...16 or not she would have whooped his a*s LOL so no your NTA. I'm stunned hes just going to overlook his sons actions. He knew better and did it with malice. He has no idea what they may have done to your daughter.. .3 days no devices...yea not NEARLY enough. That's why this kids act the way they do now. They are both assholes. So what hes going to burn the building down when he doesn't get his first job. He's clearly not ready for real life and has a sense of unearned entitlement. Screw that kid.
The stepson is 16 years old and acts like an entitled 12 year old a scary entitled 12 year old. I'm not surprised this kid has gotten this way based upon the attitude of the the father. Seriously what does he said he's sorry and has learned his lesson mean, no he hasn't it's not even a sincere apology. This women really picked a winner for the 2nd husband. Make it quick and simple, say you lost camp based upon your juvenile destructive behavior, you just learned a life lesson think about that for a while.
This whole situation is definitely quite disturbing. Both your husband and stepson are not only in the wrong but also showing no remorse or will to make proper amends. I guess the son isn't far away from the father. If you let this pass you will be setting the way both of them will continue to disregard yours and your daughter's wellbeing. You are an adult, so your choice... but your daughter is your responsibility and her wellbeing should trump everything else. I would talk to a professional and, were the abuse to happen again, raise criminal charges. That kid is a real danger.
NTA. Divorce. Clearly your husband has no values. Taking away the money for stepson's camping trip is the BEST choice you've made here. He needs to learn his lesson. Arson is a dangerous act. There could be criminal charges for such acts. Destroying her property is definitely a criminal act. I'd bring that up to jerk husband. Theft of property. I'm a former federal law enforcement officer. You may want to use those facts as leverage for your decision. Who went too far? Your stepson! He should be happy I'm not his father. Camping wouldn't be the only thing that's cancelled!
You need to think seriously about ending your relationship and moving yourself and your daughter away..This sort of behaviour only gets worse not better as time goes on. Your daughter must be your priority.
Good. There are consequences for your actions. He ruined years of her childhood and stole her joy, so him not being allowed to go to a camp is THE LEAST that should happen as a consequence. I'd have punished him harder.
Lots of red flags here. Stepson burning his sisters belongings because she told him no, and dad thinks moms reaction is too much? Stepson getting his friends in on this? That boy needs help. Mom needs to protect her daughter and snap hubby into some reality.
3 days without electronics? Pretty much sounds like camping. Your stepson isn't OWED camp and he isn't OWED your daughters camera either. If your husband keeps pushing you for a "lighter punishment" tell him he's lucky that you didn't file a police report on your stepson for theft and destruction of private property, being that your daughter is disabled, throw the words "hate crime" in there too. Hopefully THAT gets the message across that his son's entitled behavior is NOT okay.
OK so someone has to be on the side of the Daughter. Obviously the stepson hasn't learned a harsh enough punishment that makes him understand that life has consequences!!!! If the Son wants to go to Camp and his bio parents see nothing wrong then they can fund his trip. STAND YOUR GROUND!! What that spoiled little s**t did to his sister was atrocious. And if he was kind to his sister all the time she would've handed him that Camera without a thought.
Also, protect the girl from further retaliation from her brother. He'll blame her for making him lose his vacation, and if he's capable of burning her things, he's capable of assaulting her.
NTA, I agree the son and husband are out of line, use the 80% to buy stickers, this is toxic, all that. But I'd like to point something out-- the stepson's overreaction needs to be addressed with more than just punishment. Even at the age of 16, this kind of acting out could be because something is deeply wrong and he needs help. The instability of a divorce and new family is probably wrecking him. Being the healthy sibling of a disabled child can also lead to the healthy child being neglected. Nothing excuses his behavior, and your punishment is correct. But you need to consider family and individual counseling, and to present it lovingly to him as a way to help him cope with everything that's happening, not a punishment. 16 is old enough to know not to burn his sister's things, but it's not old enough to get his emotions straight all by himself.
Woman, you and your daughter are NOT safe! Thank God you discovered your step-son's inner attributes by his disturbing actions. I am a man - yes, you should seriously consider separation or divorce. You are not safe and we are all worried.
The dad should be telling his son that whoever helped him destroy his sister's collection can help in a collection fund to replace it, and if they choose not to then they are no longer welcome. Until this happens all plans are off you choose a action which has results. You don't get away without consequences for acting like a spoiled brat. Maybe the brother should have thought of how to find a way to finance a camera, dad needs to find a way to use this situation to bring the family together as dad's point of view seems to separate the family.
I was really curious about the kids' respective ages when I read the headline, because I'm initially imagining kids in their middle single digits, like 6-8 or thereabouts, and also the nature of the "destruction" - e.g., did he rip up a few pages, etc., the typical childhood destructive behavior that may not be quite as egregious but still needs to be addressed appropriately with an understanding of consequences. When I found out that this is a teenager old enough to hold a driver's license in some US States, to legally hold a job, to legally drink in some countries, and to be charged as an adult for certain crimes, no. Just no. This is a sub-adult engaging in emotionally abusive behavior towards a child. And while yes, the daughter being disabled adds another layer, no, we as readers have NO business knowing the specifics of her disability. Obviously more details in other areas - how long the family has been blended, the general relationship between the kids, etc - might...
...shed better light on potential nuances, like is this the first time they've had a serious issue arise like this, etc. Given the facts presented, though, stepson ITA 100%. Dad probably feels horrible but obligated to support his bio kid, but also needs to pull up his big boy underwear and discipline his son appropriately, because a 16 year old should absolutely know that this is not just wrong, but wrong on so many levels. The fact that he then also threw a tantrum (at 16) sobbing and begging to go and claiming he feels bad proves he's a spoiled bully and the mom is absolutely correct that this punishment needs to stand as his life lesson. NGL one of the commenter's posts about "what happens if a woman says no to him in bed" hit home because of the experience of a close friend's daughter. I'll give a vague cap summary but consider this your trigger warning for SA...
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The boy and his father domt have boundaries when it comes to people saying no, they have no respect. They feel entitled to everything and that is why this woman must be very careful, she's going to regret been married to this man. There is a hint narcissists in both the husband and the son. She is not wrong, the boy has to learn that what he did was totally unnecessary and he should have left his step sister alone and his father should have stood by his stepmom. I can't belive how selfish and entitled a lot of ppl ate becoming now a days.
Its very concerning that he did that. Very vindictive. You only get one chance to raise a child and teach them right and wrong. Sounds like a fair reaction after what he did. He needs to understand that what he did was unacceptable.
What was he thinking while him and his friends were doing this? That's what u really need to ask yourself. And dad, if sis would've destroyed something of your son's things that he held on to his whole life, that truly made him happy and actually helped with his anxiety? So sad.
First and foremost, I totally agree with you, the mom. The 80% now can go to replace the sticker collection. I have a stamp collection I got as a inheritance and I know from looking at it the amount of time and energy to get them all, organize, etc. I agree, the stepson now gets to learn from his actions, do have consequences. He is 16 and allowed maybe even asked his friends to help destroy his stepsisters sticker collection. Takes premedication, action and plans. So I agree with you mom. Don't feel bad and do not wavier. Allow that teen boy to learn and hopefully grow. You actually are doing him a favor in the long run even if his bio-dad doesn't agree. I want to know why are you as a step mom are fronting 80% while the bio-dad is only doing 20%. Personally the dad should do 80 and maybe you as a step mom should do 20. That makes no sense. Lastly for bio-dad to say his son would hate you. Well that's a sign and watch out for more trouble in the long run. Best of luck.
NTA, please call a therapist for the son. He clearly needs help and a question about how he got gasoline as well. Still, more important to get help for him. Honestly, as someone with Autism, I know the horrible crushing depth of pain when the thing you like gets taken away. For me it was books. I am so sorry she went through that, maybe help her by taking her shopping with the money to replace the stickers. After all, the money was for the son and since he nastily burned your daughter's things, he should pay to replace every single one of them.
She's absolutely did the correct thing! What he did was so over the top that I would grounds him for a year or until he found every sticker on Amazon and ebay to replace every one!
I would be concerned about a q6 year old that appears not to have a filter when he is told no. This is more serious than staying out past curfew with three days punishment. Rightly so, those camp funds should go towards your daughter's sticker collection. Your husband needs to be checked. He isn't thinking clearly if he th8nks his son was just acting out because he was mad. You might want to think about therapy for him.
That money, is no longer camp money. It is your money, no one else's. You can do whatever you want with it. The stepson is 16, he knew what he was doing was wrong. He chose to do it anyway. Instead of worrying about camp, this boy needs to start looking for new stickers to replace the ones he burned.
I agree withthe idea of using her chip in money to buy the stickers for her daughter, tbh her husband sounds concerning to me no wonder her stepson being that way
Those stickers is her safe place and brings joy, just like some of my old dolls i still keep them because of the memories and comfort me by reminding me of my childhood so she's (the mom) definitely nta. Her husband can pay for the summer camp.
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They both did in varying degrees. The Dad wanted to give his son a 3 day electronics ban. The step mom took her money back she'd saved for the step sons camp.
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I'm not gonna say divorce or get out. Teenagers do stupid things without thought and the husband is trying to protect his son the same way you are trying to protect her. You never know what is going on between them when you're not there. I do think follow through with no camp. If he'd hidden the stickers and been forced to give them back then I understand the 3 days no electronics but he permanently took away some thing very important to her. Taking campnoff the table permanently removes something important to him so he now knows how she feels and will think twice before doing it again.
I don't think losing camp is enough. He should be grounded from anything but school and work until he makes enough money to pay for what he'd destroyed. I'd take that camp money and send him to a therapist.
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It's disturbing. Definitely not good if he doesn't get proper punishment
I do think it was the proper punishment although, I feel this whole thing could have been avoided. When he asked if he could borrow the camera YOU should have taught your daughter that if you're going to be a family, you need to start sharing ...but you didn't do that. I don't know you but I think if the tables were turned and she had asked to borrow the camera I bet you would have made him do it. Sounds to me like your harder on the son than the daughter. If your not going to love your husband's son completely, that means you love her your stepson as much as your daughter. If you can't do that, you might has well get a divorce right now because it's never going to work. Also, don't you dare even think about taking that money and going and getting your daughter a stamp collection and making a day of it with that money. Your supposed to be teaching him that there are consequences for his behavior right? Your not supposed to be emotionally and mentally hurting him. Think about it!
Wow, my heart aches for your daughter. My daughter has a disability too and is limited to certain activities. That sticker collection meant more to her than anyone could ever imagine! A great source of happiness for her and he ruined it! He should be held accountable and be made to get a job instead of going to a camp. He should work and give his money to his stepsister so that she can purchase more stickers. He was a total jerk for what he did!
Totally agree with the Mom/stepMom, yes the stepson will do more damage, he will his whole life, his dad needs to correct the litte dirty bastard. Until dad gets the courage to do so, be on your guard, watch your tooth bruses your daughters too- ss is not right upstairs!!!
I think you did the right thing. He devastated your daughter by taking away the one thing that she loved and could not fix it by replacing. He may be upset with you now but I'm sure he'll think twice about doing something like that again. Accountability makes kids better people in society. I'm sure the relationship will heal over time. The fact that you saved up 80% was very good of you to do and I'm sure he realizes that and is hopeful you would do it again for him in the future for something else if he smartens up.
he did irreparable physical permanent damage to something emotionally significant to his younger, disabled, step sibling in an attempt to bully and manhandle her into giving in and letting him have what he wants with the "or else" always hangong over her head from now on. Why should he get to go do anything until he had effectively and sincerely replaced as many of her stickers himself as he can... using the funds for his camp hand in hand with others he should have to earn on his own?
Punishment is in order and the 16yo knows it. Plus he speaks against step sister and mother to the friends who helped burn her hobby collection. If you let him get away with such a deliberate act it will ruin the family bond and the boy. Here is the chance to learn respect his family. Dad has to pay.. he's in trouble too. Respect your wife and her daughter. Teach the young man that no means no. Pay for camp, correct the problem. Apologies to the the girl. Set the right example.. live happily ever after. Wife came up with part of the solution $? you come up with the other part. Fix it.
The dad's 20% contribution to the camp fees, and his reaction to the his son's over-the-top reaction to the camera and resulting punishment, are disturbing. They show he is a disinterested parent at best. I would not be surprised if he married OP to take care of Homer and kids while he plays the entitled, man of the family castle. Basically he's more donor than parent. The dad seems more concerned with house all this will affect him not his son, wife, or step-daughter. I would not be surprised if a similar situation ended a previous relationship. At any rate, Dad is teaching the boy how to be an even bigger AH than he himself had managedd to achieve. I agree that OP and her daughter should leave this toxic situation. But that won't help the stepson, who also needs rescued, and nurtured, so he can break this cycle of entitled, malignant masculinity.
Can we get a link send stickers to like a po box or something. I got plenty old pokemon stickers and comic book stickers from my 80s comics I'd hate take them out the comic but this is worth it
Let him go with it and the next stop will: everybody gang rape step sisters, let the boys be boys? Who the hell this man tries to rise? 16 years old abuser is abuser, not a koddo
I am going to be the one to say it, but I don't think the kid is a monster or horrible. I think this family has a very dysfunctional dynamic. We heard one side. I will also say that siblings of children with special needs are often put on the back burner. The child with special needs always comes first in a lot of ways, it is just how it is, and unless you work really hard to compensate for that, sibling can be very resentful. Should she pull funding for camp, that seems fair, maybe, but again, IDK. Like, is he supposed to share his things with his step sister? I can see why her not wanting to share her camera with him would set him off. There are just to many unknowns in this story, and I feel the whole family could benefit from therapy. My source of information is I have worked a lot with families with special needs children and mental health, and 99% of the time there is a lot of imbalance with the treatment of the children. Please don't down vote me and have me banned.
Yes, they would probably all benefit from therapy, but to make excuses for the stepbrother? Not cool. Burning someone's possessions is unacceptable. The disabled child also suffers way more, not because of the disability, either. Because we live in an ableist society that treats disabled people like burdens. Source? I'm disabled. I'm autistic. I have ADHD. My childhood was hell. My parents definitely didn't give me more attention than my siblings. They actually gave me less attention. The disabled child actually rarely comes first. We are often ignored, and pushed aside. If we are put first, it's a show.
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Isn’t that theft? Have the little brat and his buddies arrested. Then, secure your living situation. Is it your house? Throw AH husband and stepson out and change the locks. Not yours? Find safe housing elsewhere, hire a divorce lawyer and serve this papers. This kid is going to grow up to be an abusive adult, get away from him know. P.S.-is there a bio mom involved?
The 16 yr olds behavior is beyond disturbing. And am I the only one whose going to say it. His parents are the ah here. Why are you paying 80 % for this camping trip and they only 20?? It is their child. Yes you're wonderful for helping out but to almost completely fund his whole trip. Neck no. You're not the ahole here. I wouldn't pay out a dime. Where is his father's compassion for the damage done to your daughter. ??? He has none . divorce may need to be on the table this isn't normal. It isn't ok for his son to punish your daughter. Their both mentally unstable
This would be a divorce decision for me. The stepson is headed down the road of a future felon, and I would want no part of that. His dad wants him to go to camp so badly? Well, then, he can pay ALL the expenses. It speaks volumes that the stepmother is expected to pay MORE than the bio parent, too. So many red flags in this relationship. Also, stepson is 16, shouldn't he have a part time job or something and be learning the value of paying his own way? I mean, one day, he will be responsible for himself, after all.
You absolutely did the right thing mom! If this behavior goes unchecked it will be far worse next time. The "I'll get her for this!" attitude is horrible and escalates quickly. The girl will never be the same for this, and if his punishment isn't of equal or greater value, he won't learn or care. Taking away electronics for 3 days and then going about as if it didn't even happen will have a vast ripple effect in the future.
Better teach this future rapist that no means no next time y'all will be searching for your daughter and the little psycho helping u look talking about he dont know who wouldve hurt her dont ignore the red flags protect your daughter
Yea sorry to say its time someone taught this future rapist that no means no if he doesnt start learning that now the next time she tells him no they will be looking for her daughters remains and he will be helping them look talking about how much he loved her and cant believe someone would do something to her mess around and find out
Also, this boy is obviously hurting inside. Whether he resents his dad for getting married and bringing another child into it as well. Maybe he has a chip on his shoulder because he's caught on to the fact that you favor your daughter more than him. This family needs therapy because it should be 50/50 with every situation that may arise. If not, get a divorce or your going to damage that lost little boy for life.
I am wondering also why are u giving 80 % and his dad 20%? Why not teach your daughter, its kind to share? Didn't he only want to use it? If he is truly sincere in being sorry and he agrees to find a way to replace it all, why add more punishment on top? I'm not sure how I view that. All that being said, I think u have bigger issues at hand. The 16 yr old may have serious anger issues, that his father needs to address. I think maybe this marriage, needs to be evaluated. Make sure both children's frustrations and feelings are being acknowledged. They were thrown into this situation, not by their choices. Make sure their feelings are being discussed with them, and try to see their take on things. It sounds like it's a very new blending.
My brother was very stubborn in his teens. I don't think the stepson is "mentally disturbed" - I could see a brother doing that, especially if egged on by a couple of immature friends. But I would like to pose a possible solution. When my brother really blew it, my parents would sit down, remind him exactly of what he did, then ask him what punishment he thought would be fair. Inevitably, he would suggest a punishment that exceeded what my parents would've done. The stepson in this story may even agree that not going to camp was right punishment - you never know until you try. But at 16, he should have a decent grip on consequences, so this discussion could help with an appropriate punishment and keep the family intact.
Wow how painfull !!. As a parent, sit down with the 16 yr old and ask him what happened and why he did what he did.Let him talk and correct his wrong doing.The fact that he begged after the fact then apologysed after getting cought and still burned the stickers after she said 'NO'more then ones is not ok.He should of found another solution to his lacking a camera.Tell him to put himself in her shoes. Find out why she did not want to give him her camera. She has her reasons.She is intitled to protect her things.But he needs help !! He does not seam to care much.He wants what he wants. So no camp this yr until leason learned unfortunatly. He has to work hard for a new camera and he and his friends as to apologyse to his sister infront of his parents. Forgiving each other is the best remedie. Then he has to fix this. If he wont apologyse then you know were he stands.watch his from now on and protect the girl..God bless the family..nothing is easy...
NTA. Stick to your guns. He went for the jugular and intentionally set out to crush her emotionally by destroying the one thing that he knew brought her happiness and had a calming effect - just because he was told 'no'. So yes, that camp money (that his own parents are responsible to pay for) just became the sticker replacement fund.
I did not understand what the daughter's disability is, the reason I mention it is because I believe the 16 year old son was acting in total disrespect of her right to say no to his request for her camera also to BURN and Destroy Her NEEDED property/possessions was thoughtless, selfish and really evil. Thinking of his desires only. Oh yes the money for the trip SHOULD have been taken back without question - no guilt or second thoughts. He should not have been rewarded for bad behavior. When you enable children (people in general) they will continue to exhibit the same behavior.
I have a lot of questions here because it doesn't pass the smell test. So, first the mother makes many assertions; she was paying for 80% of the camp, the daughter is disabled (exactly what is it, auto-immune, ADHD or Diabetes? All considered disabilities) and in general what is the relationship between the kids and in the family? How long have they been together, does either kid have a smart phone, why does the younger kid have a camera and the older one doesn't? Several other things are disturbing; both parents taking their kids side and not being objective (I question the overall relationship between the two adults, not judging but something doesn't smell right) about the other kids and neither sitting both kids down to have a discussion. There is more to this story that this 16 yr old took a torch; what else is going on that he felt that was his only option? While most parents don't admit it, they have a favorite, blended family or not and one kid always gets left behind.
I’m worried about the mental state of the disabled girl. My prayers for her.
NTA. I would have not only nixed that boy's camping trip, but assigned him a few extra chores to do that month. No one should be rewarded for trashing someone else's property.
As a parent and collector of different things this bothers me. Tbh i dont know how but I have a collection of old Disney stickers she can have. Ima check back on this, drop me a line and we’ll talk.
Sounds like the boundary setting needs to extend to the husband and son in a more permanent way.
Your first priority is to protect your daughter. Your stepson displayed dangerous abusive behavior - if you are honest you will remember and see this is not the first time he’s done something like this. If he will BURN an object when he’s denied his way by someone he can dominate he will get worse if he doesn’t get help and is held accountable. He’s only sorry because he is not going to camp. If his family isn’t on board take the $800 and get counseling for your daughter and hire a lawyer to get out of the marriage.
Issues in this family run deeper than stickers and camp money, have to assume Jr doesn't have a cellphone most have awesome cameras, and what about sharing in this family, you don't comingle funds. It is telling when you specify you paid 80% and his dad 20%, don't you both always pay 100% usually once married its ours. You are spending a lot of time keeping things separate. Actions have consequences bad behavior no camp, sharing resources in a family should be a given teaching mutual respect. Seems there is too much us vs them.
he never loves you.he just love your company.that us tour daughter. For me i wouldn't love him the same.more could come out of this. Your child first.tye faher building a monster.please be careful Boy you need the Caribbean with a good neighbor hood. His heart is too better.it tells what he does behind his parents back. Please comfort your daughter she needs that.a lot..i felt it so hard
-to a spouse or girl friend that denies him anything. My advice sit down talk to him alone no step mother interference for the simple reason that she clearly stated her stance and sees nothing wrong in what her daughter did at all which lead to what happened try talking to bio mother about what's happend go to therapy with the 16 yr old get him help before he becomes a firebug and hurts someone in the future check his friends cause the fact that none of them had enough sense to tell him (dude your sister is only 12 don't you think this is a little to extreme!) Any of them could have told him to hide her stuff or bribe her although that woulda been just as wrong and bratty/immature but at least it wouldn't mean that her collection would've been destroyed completely. I also feel a lot of ppl on here are misunderstanding the father telling her she is going to ruin relationship with her step son ppl on here seem to think it's a threat I think it's not really a threat I think he is just -
--somewhat of an idea that it's ok to share and that you should especially when you live under the same roof and it's a family unit cause clearly this is she mentioned she and her daughter live with her spouse and his son so I could only pressume that it's his house and she moved in at some point with her daughter in the way she worded that part. Which if that's the case everyone had to make some kind of sacrifice to make that work or adjustments especially for a teenager and child of 12 being thrown into that kinda situation isn't always easy to accept or get along especially if their family unit is relatively new she didn't elaborate on that either. And I kinda feel like the father is being way to dismissive and relaxed about his sons reaction which is pretty outrageous and kinda disturbing I mean this isn't a comical horror like the Addams family where that kinda thing is expected and funny cause of how far fetched and kooky their reactions are when they play or get even the ---
Considering stepmom was paying the majority of stepson's camp before this it is far more likely that SHE has the money and it was her house that the boys moved into to leech off of her.
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This, in its limited details, sounds like an abusive relationship. I find it very concerning that your husband is more 'worried' that your step son and your relationship with him, ght be alerted. Clearly you have not been established as a parental figure to him in this relationship. Your step son, more importantly, is acting out to show you his disrespect and loathing toward you and your daughter. If your husband is not concerned, I would ask myself how healthy this relationship actually is. That may sound flippant and you would know best and your share is a tiny snippet of your daily life. That said, I apologize if I am way off base. My experience tends to be that people tell small, less alarming or embarrassing parts of thier lives. If you are at all wondering if you are in a bad situation, the internet is here to say that you quite possibly are. There are places near us in our communities where we can meet other people who have had experiences who can offer one on one support.
So why isn't the husband paying the 80% and I will do the 20% bc that's his son and if this happens he and his friends has to fund her collection and he has to accept no and find other ways of being without being destructive. Other than that she did right and as the for the husband how you arguing over my money in relation to how I parent in our adult relationship. If you can't parent or pay the 80% stfu and sit down or get the xxxk out. I do not like situations of threats regarding bad behavior that lead to fire to burn over the word no he's a boy a young man he can't handle no is a problem
Jesus, the kid definitely pulled an AH move, but much like his overreaction, a lot of people here are guilty of the same. "Extremely disturbing" no, just a 16 year old being a b******e. Btw, not saying he shouldn't be punished or that OP didn't do the right thing, just saying that some people are acting like he lit a puppy in fire and is destined to be the next charlie Manson. Wrong, AH thing to do? Absolutely! Disturbing? Absolutely not.
NTA: The stepson literally set his sister's belongings on fire because he said no. It's not an overreaction at all to take those camp funds away... If he can't take no to something so small at 16, there's bigger issues at hand. At 16, he should be able to take no for an answer without begging or crying... or setting things on fire. Should be a counseling fund instead before burning stickers turns into something more...
I’d give the stepson a choice, he can go to camp but his electronics will get destroyed like the stickers or no camp and the money goes toward new stickers. She lost the things that made her happy and will never see again the same thing should happen to him the things that makes him happy should be destroyed. Show him how it feels.
Sounds like the stepson usually always gets what he wants. Cant take no for an answer. He should be given chores until all stickers have been replaced.
What's happened in this kids life for him to have such a reaction the way he did, he is clearly not managing or able to regulate his emotions in a correct manner causing him to lash out in a very disturbing way. Probably better using that and his dad's money for some emotional regulation with a therapist. Can't see the school wanting an arsonist on the camping trip with them. Look like he knows how to try and play it too crying to get himself off the hook and then running to tell daddy. Called his dad? Where is dad as he doesn't seem to be in the same location as said kids and stepmother. I think I'd have to consider bowing out of that relationship.
Tell the husband that his son can go and live with his mother as he is no longer welcome due to his behaviour. It's not tolerated and if your husband disagrees, he can go too ..
First, why are you the one pay 80 %? Your husband, and stepson seem to think that your daughter doesn't have feelings, but those stickers were precious to her, and I was a very sick child, and I had things that were precious to me, and my parents let it be known what would happen if anything happened to my things, being I had cousins who thought that they were entitled, and could do whatever to my stuff. I'm now an adult with health precious, and I still guard what I consider dear to me like my books for example. Your stepson needs help, because this was an act of revenge, and nothing else, and towards a handicapped child at that! I hate to say this, but you need to get you, and your daughter out of that situation, because he's going to keep acting that way, and his father is going to keep covering for him, and I'm concerned about yours and your daughter's safety.
Even though the mom is nta, I think it's still fair to compromise a bit. Have the son work for the money to go sticker shopping. When his sister's no longer upset at him, the mom can take them all to the amusement park or some other kind of family bonding to make up for the family upset. Gotta work a way for the father and son to build compassion for the daughter or else for her sake divorce may be the eventual end game.
I’m not one to live in a black and white world, but I don’t see compromise here as accomplishing anything for anybody. A grown man has to be “taught” compassion for a child? An Amusement park trip to gloss over wounds deliberately inflicted? This tact just insured the 16 year old gets a pass, and the 12 year old is told what she values and her feelings are insignificant and her joy meaningless. What happens when he repeats the behavior? An extended family vacation??
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I'm not sure I believe the story. Car motor oil isn't flammable. Being dumped in oil *would* ruin the stickers. And if that happened, it was inexcusable conduct for a 16-year old. And camp should be off But the oil detail seems a bit much. It's really not possible to light motor oil on fire with matches. So what did they teenagers use? Some sort of blow torch?
Motor oil may not be flammable but it is combustible. It will burn in conjunction with something else flammable, like say, stickers?
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Really!!!? The 16 year old dipped the stickers into oil then burned them!!! That boy has problems. Mom take that money and spend it on your daughter for stickers, more camera equipment or even a video camera. He can go camping some other time but your daughter probably will not get her sticker collection back. And you and your husband need to parent this boy!!! I'm 55 now but when I was 16 I had my own handyman service and helping my mom pay the rent and buy groceries for a family of 5. My dad was in prison for awhile and we had to live. That should give your boy something to think about.
He should be in trouble just for setting/playing with fire alone. Not going to camp would be appropriate for just that and on top of that he destroyed the property of a little disabled girl out of spite.
Mum - NTA. You did a right thing. He just your stepson yet you are kind enough to save and give 80% of his camp fees.If your husband insist , Let him do the paying for 80% of the fees and if they insist you may just help with the 20%. He can get away with his Dad but Not with you Mum.Let him learned to accept his stepsister as his own sister.Until he learned how to be kind to a girl/woman which is started from his own stepsister don't bother to listen to his request.Be firm and protect your daughter and please don't let him get away with this bullies attitude.Let this point sinking in your husband head too if he really means this is his family. .hugs and kisses to your girl..
It is for the camping that he needed the camera right? Then the camp is the goal - goal. Ref waves play on! And to think that the step sister is physically challenged, makes it all to worse. NTA
First paragraph, Grammatical mistake The mom also revealed some information about his (HER )stepson, stating that he’s very much looking forward to this camping trip.
What a disappointing answer from her husband and girls father. Instead of being a manipulative he should ask the mother of the son to help him pay for it if he thinks he deserves it after what he did on purpose to his daughter
Forget replacing the stickers with the 80% mom took back from the camp fund. The son destroyed his stepsister’s sticker collection as revenge—plain and simple. HE should pay to replace it. Yes, actions DO have consequences and 16 is plenty old to know he should not do this and thus to pay the consequences for his actions. I imagine it will take a while for him to pay in full. That’s OK. Perhaps this will help him learn to curb his actions and help him in the future. If so this will serve him well. This will actually be doing him a favor. It wasn’t nice of your daughter to say no, but it was her right. Did you and your husband know the son didn’t have a camera and wanted to use one and didn’t have access? If so, why didn’t you loan him one or buy him a cheap one? It’s very understandable that he would want to take pictures of this great upcoming experience . While what he did was wrong I can certainly understand being upset about not having one to use. Why didn’t you help him?
Do not leave this boy/child alone with your daughter. His friends either.. this event has a gang mentality. They not only burnt the stickers but knew too dip them in oil to get more pleasure out of it. . WHAT WILL HE DO NEXT EHEN TOLD. "NO". THE DAD HAD BETTER LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE AND TOMMORROW. THIS BOY/CHILD IS 16. DRIVING A VEHICLE, PEDESTRIAN,BIKES WITH CHILDREN, A POLICE OFFICER STOPS HIM. A TEACHER. A GIRL REBUKES HIS ADVANCES
I have a "friend" who steals my stuff then breaks it and doesnt apologize. when im visiting him i bring a bunch of Legos(i love legos) and Vee, my stuffed Eevee(im a huge Eevee fan) and he,ll take apart my legos and put them into his sets, but when i borow a single piece, like an extra gem or a black hilt, he SCREAMS and says im a little thief and to stay away from everything he owns, which is scattered all ovr the hows, so its imposibl 2 do that.
Hmmm… it sounds like there is something seriously wrong with the son. Is he neurodivergent or developmentally delayed? If not, are they getting him professional help? He definitely needs it. Is the camp designed to help kids with his set of problems? Regardless, OP should find a different punishment because if nothing else, camp will get him out of her house and away from her daughter.
Real talk, is anyone else getting sick of all these "these people are horrible people" articles?
NTA. U definitely did the right thing! The boy and his dad need mental help. Get a deadbolt lock on your daughter’s bedroom door. Get inexpensive cameras up in common areas. Watch the boy very carefully.
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Okay, I stopped reading this when the mother was explaining how big a deal camp was for the 16 year old boy, which is why he kept begging his younger sister to borrow it. Mom and Dad could have prevented all this from happening by a quick post on a social media account explaining the situation, and friends, or friends of friends would have loaned them one, because people are inherently good.
- being generous both children should both feel like and understand they lost something because of their behavior and that they won't get it back until they have a mild sense of understanding what they did wrong
The daughter did nothing wrong. She is not required to loan her stepbrother her personal possessions for any reason. NO ONE is EVER required to share personal possessions, sharing is only required when the item in question belongs to the whole family/class/group.
Load More Replies... -maybe counseling as a family unit cause step parent and step children relationships in themselves are complex enough so that wouldn't hurt. But just like I believe that the sons punishment should be more severe than 3days no electronics and no trip I do feel that to be fair cause both children where in the wrong in this situation she shouldn't just take her money and replace her daughters collection not saying to disregard the girls feelings entirely I understand this is her daughter have her take some accountability as well bring awareness to her take her out on the town explain to her why what she did was wrong to and how she could've avoided the whole situation if she had just lended the camera in the first place it's not like it was her most valued item or personal item like clothes that she couldn't part with for a day hold both children accountable she shouldn't replace her daughters sticker collection until she understands their is nothing wrong with sharing and being -
So, now the daughter is to blame for her stickers getting burned up??? It was okay for the camera to be loaned against her wishes because she liked it less than the stickers???Did ya ever think that she might have had good reason from past experience NOT to lend him anything? Disabled does not mean unintelligent. Siblings know each other better than parents do. She knew EXACTLY who she was dealing with and was well within her rights to say no. The logic of it being “her fault” has been wrongfully applied to crimes for years, especially by men against women.
Load More Replies... - honest cause he knows his son's personality type and by demonstration of his overall reaction that lead to this article I think it's safe to say that he is definitely resentful defensive and above all vindictive he is basically a brat that is used to getting his way and conditioned to think its OK as the mother thinks it's ok for her daughter to be selfish and think that's OK. Now I understand that everyone loves their biological children (especially unconditionaly) and that it's so much easier to justify one's child over someone else's regardless if their your spouse and you all live together as wrong as that maybe but I have witnessed many times over point is right is right and wrong is wrong both parents are at fault and father needs to take his son behavior more serious his son is almost a man and will be held accountable as an adult in the near future should he burn someone else's belongings or hurt them 3 days no electronics is a joke more like no trip till next time therapy.
Daughter isnt selfish or a brat based on this. She is standing up for herself and her boundaries and mother is correctly backing her on that.
Load More Replies... -- should seriously be concerned about his son's persona or right and wrong and overall approach or getting even or being faced in a situation where you step sister says no (and again I do belive everyone was at fault cause the daughters most prized possession according to the mother was the stickers so lending a camera with the strict understanding that it be returned in same condition shouldn't be a big deal she was being selfish and bratty and the mothers response to justify her daughter which had no real reason not to was ridiculous as well. I'm pretty sure if it was step son refusing to lend something she would call him out on it too especially if the father brushed it off with he said no respect his decision. But again I do feel father needs to be concerned cause burning anything to get even is not a joke and especially something you know belongs to a family member that is valued definite over reaction in a bought of anger like many said God knows what he will do in the future-
Daughter's property is daughter's to use only, not step son's. She does not need to let him use it every for any reason. Nor would he be required to let her borrow anything of his either.
Load More Replies... ---or justified what her step brother did but in the sense of every action has a reaction although her step brothers was completely downright inappropriate possibly psychotic to a degree just because she said no. But be because the whole thing could of been avoided if the girl had just let him borrow the camera if anything I feel that the mother is enabling her daughter to be selfish and think selfish behavior is fine It's called sharing and we all learn that at a very young age and I know she mentions the little girl to be disabled and I kinda feel like that's her whole justification of the situation and why that behavior on her part is ok when it isn't ok either she said since the girl was five so i pressume she was either diagnosed or something physical happend that led to a disability she didnt elaborate on what it was or is but that doesn't let's her off the hook either. I've been around and grew up around many ppl that are disabled physically or mentally and even they have--
Sharing is for joint property only, not personal property.
Load More Replies... I really do feel that what the step son did was wrong and most definitely a disturbing reaction considering that burning his step sisters collection is a way that he knew would cause permanent damage to her belongings and she wouldn't most likely be able to recover many of her collections and I do see this as very bratty and immature of him considering he is 16 he is probably used to always getting his way and that is a problem and grounding him I believe is justified however I do believe that the daughter that is 12 is being let off the hook pretty easily and the mom is disregarding her behavior as if it OK and it's NOT either the first thing this article makes me question is how old it is or if it's real cause I find it odd that now adays almost everyone has a smart phone with a decent camera so I don't know why he would need to borrow one for starters! Secondly I feel the daughter should be held accountable for her actions as well not to the point where It was at all fair --
Absolutely NOT! The daughter did NOTHING wrong. She was 100% in her rights to say no to someone else using HER personal property. You are never required to share ANYTHING you own with anyone. This kind of victim blamingis how men get away with rape because of how the woman was dressed. No is a complete sentence that must ALWAYS be respected. Stepson and father are 100% in the wrong and daughter and mother 100% in the right (though mom waited far to long to punish stepson for not listening to daughter's no.
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Your stepson was wrong , no doubt about it. Is there a reason you didn’t step in and ask your daughter why she wouldn’t allow him to borrow her camera? It might have been a good teaching opportunity about sharing. Your wording indicates a clear bias on your part; if the situation had been reversed would you have told daughter to just ‘suck it up’? Bought her an inexpensive camera or asked stepson to share?
I hate all of this "sharing is caring" bs. No one is obligated to share any of their belongings.
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This is an easy 1. Yes you are the a*****e! First you reacted like a child. He did something to his sister that upset her, and in turn you did the same to the boy. Sounds to me like you're all the same age. Second you are the adult act like it, if the girl wasn't using the camera she should have allowed him to use it. And as a parent you should have had her share. Third there are better punishments then making the boy miss a opportunity to go to a camp to learn. You should have made him replace the stickers, paid for by him doing chores for his actions. Not only are you taking away a life changing experience from the boy, but you are also keeping the boy home and mad, which will only make things worse. Maybe he needs time away, maybe you need time away. Maybe let him go and everything will become better, but keeping him home and in a spiteful and hateful mood the entire time he could be at camp is just going to extend the conflict.
Mom, you are NTA. Life changing experiences at 16 are not gratis. And everyone might consider that the sister had reason and history for telling her brother he could not borrow something that was precious to her. Disabled doesn’t mean unintelligent.
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The daughter has lost completely and has absolutely nothing to gain! The s/son has lost, but has it all to gain back. The dad has lost nothing but can gain a lesson himself. The mum has lost but has a lot to give. The daughters loss cannot be replaced, in order to make right, the s/son needs to feel that same loss. A camp that he hasn't been on yet will not suffice, let him have his camp! You need to destroy something that cannot easily be replaced, and offer your daughter to be the one to do it (hopefully she would refuse). Then, while the s/son is on his camp, mourning the loss of his precious thing, you need to burn the house down and move away with your daughter leaving your husband behind.
Honestly, so tired of this trope. There's no harsh enough punishment for a monster who would do that. Also, "after he was told no"? Like, if she hadn't specifically said, "don't burn you sister's possessions", it would have been ok?? Seriously doubting this happened
I hear people's concerns about step son and lighting the sisters things on fire and share them. There is also a possibility he's acting out looking for something. The other thing is, once a group of teenagers get going down a dumb path, sometimes they somehow get dumber together. Both of those last things suggest firmness combined with extra support and time might stop this behavior before it becomes a thing
If he's looking for something, he needs to speak up, not BURN something that it is dear to his sister.
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1) there is no longer "camp money" because it is now a "sticker replacement fund" until the collection has been recovered as best as possible. Stepson may recruit his friends to help with that task if they can contribute in a way that is not harmful to others. 2) OP seriously needs to consider and prioritize a long term plan for her daughter's care and well-being, should something suddenly happen to OP. Clearly the stepdad and stepbrother will not be fulfilling that role in a loving and thoughtful way.
As to #2 above, I'm talking like a large life insurance policy that is put into trust solely for the daughter's benefit, and administered by someone other than family. Preferably someone covered by a professional code of ethics.
Load More Replies... NTA at all. And I think she needs to get her daughter out of this household. Who knows what the stepson might do next time.
so NTA. first of all, he took your daughters stickers and BURNED them. it’s your money you are using for this camp so you have the right to take it away. and if your husband can’t see that his son is wrong then you need to get out. what if the stepson does something worse because you pulled back the camp money?
Agreed. I had something of mine destroyed by a sibling and even if I deserved it or not. It was my pride and joy and when I saw it destroyed I cried. I cried so hard. I still rage about it to this day. These things stay with a person or in this situation the 12 year old.. And, well, that three day punishment won't. He will only remember the getting away with it, so he will keep doing it. Honestly the pulling of the money was good. He destroyed/took away her happiness so take his too. It teaches them boundaries. He is gonna remember it. And he should get a job and pay back the stickers. Don't let him save for camp till it's paid off. If he does that to someone else he can go to jail. Also like one of the comments said, what about his future partner. This is how toxic relationships happen. (Sorry it's so long :| )
Load More Replies... So a boy of 16 (!!!!) cannot take a "no" and decides to exact a punishment??? On his little disabled sister??? That is such a red flag parade I can't believe they are even worried about camp or no camp.
Yes, and worry must be : is it a first time offense? Closed doors can hide a lot
Load More Replies... NTA, dad has the gall to say "just let him learn from his mistakes" YEA, HE WILL F****N LEARN WHEN HE DOESN'T GET TO GO TO CAMP. Honestly, he's lucky, because depending on where you live you could actually get him arrested for destruction of property, since he's 16. Also, If he's crazy enough to destroy the property of a disabled little girl just because he got told "no" then who knows what he'll do next? And if Dad, aka your new husband, downplays this, it's a huge red flag and OP should think long and hard about whether this man is worth his son tormenting them and especially the safety and livelihood of her daughter
He's more than crazy, he's dangerous. He lit the stickers on FIRE because he was told "no". Kids and teenagers (and even adults) learn by association, which means they see or learn that doing one thing leads to another thing (which could be good or bad). Here's an example of that: "sister likes stickers, I like sister's camera, sister said no camera, I don't get camera so sister doesn't get stickers." His dad's response is teaching him that if he does something bad he wont get in trouble. In the future the example I showed could change and instead of stickers it could be "girlfriend likes her DOG" or even worse "wife likes the BABY" and he could potentially seriously harm or even kill someone or something because of what he learned from his dad and what he associated. OP should make the dad pay for therapy or possibly have the boy sent to juvenile hall for destruction of property or, depending on the state, go to jail.
Load More Replies... he sets fire to something emotionally important just because he couldnt borrow a camera, what the hecks he gonna do if a woman doesnt agree to put out for him?
At 16, that's psychopath stuff. If the daughter is hers and not theirs, I'd be getting us out of there, since the father is an enabler and the daughter in an especially vulnerable position.
I always ask who the hell such dad rising? What he expects to get as a result? It is unsafe " family" situation, if not handed properly. Step mom handing it properly, but not father. Also, is it the first and only abuse the not commit? Look closer...
Load More Replies... NTA. As the mother of an adult with special needs, I don't think you were harsh enough... If someone had done this to my son the fury of hell would pale in comparison to the anger I would unleash. I also think the marriage needs to be reevaluated as well.
You don't have a stepson problem, you have a husband problem. He doesn't care about you, he doesn't care about your daughter, and he seems to be very happy to spend your money. His son emotionally abused your daughter - where do you think he learned that from?
That's not just emotional abuse. That's also destruction of property. Hell why label the kind? It's just abuse plain and simple.
Load More Replies... A 16-year-old who's willing to pour gasoline over and set fire to his disabled sister's possessions is in need of some very heavy therapy for his behavior.
Stepson is a character on Criminal Minds. Get the daughter away from him.
More like Criminal Minds makes characters based on real life psychopaths like stepson! lol
Load More Replies... Setting someone’s property on fire because they said no to something is a huge red flag and very disturbing behavior. The fact his dad validated it makes it even worse. I know we say this a lot in these types of posts, but once again I’ll say it here…divorce.
That's actually frightening that he reacts to the word no like that. He's going to grow up to be like the rapist Brock "The Rapist" Turner if this isn't nipped in the bud now.
First of all: NTA!! Second: he is your stepson and as well as I can understand peoples reaction for you to grab your daughter and run, I would also suggest some serious therapy for the boy - setting anything on fire, when you don’t get it your way at 16??! He needs serious help, before he’ll react with hurting someone!
I agree with the commentator who said the stepson should have make some financial recompense to the DISABLED sibling whose property he destroyed in a fit of pique.
Yikes, yikes, and also, yikes. Run with your daughter. Far, FAR AWAY!
Its a shame an address or link wasn't posted so we can all contribute to giving her a giant sticker collection.
Under each image is a link it's the ops username
Load More Replies... I am also concerned that the brother could retaliate. He may have antisocial personality disorder that his father has not taken seriously. It is time for family and individual counseling. If Dad refuses this, it is time for the marriage to end. Your daughter’s safety and happiness is your responsibility. Sixteen is very late to nip this in the bud. His pathology is in full bloom and he may be in for a life of crime and substance abuse.
I would frankly file a police report. This is to serious. Here people over 15 is responsible for their crimes. Here we have theft and vandalism. See a estimated worth of the collection and make him pay for of, even if he has to sell off some of his property. The CPS too, perhaps, as his abusive behaviour is an alarm bell . That might save future victims from him.
Setting things on fire is definitely very alarming. That is an indication of uncontrollable anger, a need to physically destroy personal items as a way to punish someone, and the capacity for great cruelty. Setting fires in retaliation is a worrying overreaction; this kid needs some intensive therapy. I don't have any confidence that dad would follow through with counseling unless he was forced to. She needs to have the kid arrested, and then Family Court can monitor him and enforce counseling.
Load More Replies... Na, he sounds like a teenage boy with anger management issues. AH for sure, but psycho? You must live in a different world than me if this is "psycho" to you.
Load More Replies... NTA. And dad needs to get off his duff and discipline his kid. Why is he only contributing 20% to HIS kid's camp then guilting the STEP mother when she defends her own child. Big issues here. Mom should rethink the whole situation and get professional help for the kid (and his dad) or dump them both.
I told my 17 year old special needs daughter this story (brain cancer survivor, extreme anxiety.) Understand we share a very dark humor in our family. Her response? "No more hands for him."
How vile that at 16 year old boy would think he could “punish” a disabled 12 year old just because he could not get his way Equally vile is the father who believes his son should not suffer any inconvenience from his actions. The son will now retaliate again but has leaned to ensure the 12 year old does not tell her mother. She should have called the police for theft and destruction of property
I don't think the punishment fit the crime. If the electronics are important to the boy, put them in oil and burn them.
Get you and your daughter out of the house and somewhere safe. At 16, this is more than a temper tantrum. He might very well set your daughter on fire because he didn't get his way..Over a camera?? Come on..At 16 even he knows right from wrong. Dad isn't helping him by not backing his wife.
I agree; the boy caused the girl as much anguish as he could without physically hurting her. He used fire and he did it with his friends. The only way for him to escalate now is to physically hurt the girl. The mother and the daughter are both in danger
Load More Replies... Everyone has pretty much said. How can i help to send stickers to your girl. Im from Malaysia, so i may be able to send her some unique ones which she cant get over there.
As a dad to a 16 year old boy, this is a huge red flag and I'd consider getting out of the marriage. Even if it were a 12 year old boy, this is well beyond reasonable behavior. At 16, not being able to empathize with what this would do emotionally to his sister, this is a sign of a serious flaw. His dad not understanding that is terrible. If my son did this to anyone, I would accept that I completely failed raising him and would ground him for months. This is not okay.
You hit the nail on its head: the stepson's and husband's toxic responses are indicative of serious character flaws. OP needs to remove her vulnerable daughter and herself from this situation. NOW. Consider this stepson's actions and the husband's reaction as a bow-tied, red-flagged gift. It can only get worse.
Load More Replies... So, obviously, this 16 year old young man doesn't yet understand that he cannot have everything that he wants. He's also not understanding that other people's things are theirs to do with as they please. A 3 day electronics ban is not going to teach him that. Let's say your daughter was an accomplished artist and this scenario took place, would dad still be as nonchalant about it? Well, your daughter's sticker collection is of similar importance to her. Don't hold your breath that he'll learn from this though, for, dad seems to be the same way. I mean you saving up 80%of the funds and dad putting in 20%? Let dad buy him a camera!
NTA. This seems like a narcissistic father grooming a narcissistic son, or worse yet, one sociopath grooming another.
Hey fellow Pandas. Can we each send a couple of stamps each? A couple of bucks to help replenish her collection? We CAN do this! And more. Share this on social media and get some from around the world!
That's extremely concerning knowing his sisters only joy and good outlook on life were her stickers and let's be honest...how cruel the actual the world is to the disabled, without this added bs. I'd get him into counseling may sound over the top but from going to not being able to borrow a camera that wasn't even his to having him and his cronies burn her beloved collection of stickers. He used her love of her collection to destroy her...a sociopath in the making. This is horrifying considering serial killers begin this way...first animals...then younger, defenseless ppl. Get him some help if your worries continue... thats a deep danger. Better safe than sorry.
The son.. gathers "support", being his friends. Then commits theft, arson and bullying. All because he couldn't get what he wanted, when he wanted it, like an entitled little brat. And his dad thinking him not going to camp is "a step too far"? Is he insane too? And he's trying that narcissistic manipulative tactic of guilt, gas light and shame. Classic. Divorce this psycho, for one. Because that's dangerous behavior. Two, use the money you pulled out for that entitled brats fun times to fund a new sticker collection. And three, if that entitled brat "resents you forever" for not rewarding theft, bullying and arson with a happy fun summer he's learning from his dad and I wouldn't want that c**p in my life either. That poor little girl.. if it wasn't creepy to ask for a post box, I'd send her mine. I collect them too.
I've read many comments and feel reporting the son AND his friends to juvenile authorities is a good first step. Follow this with having him get a job a pay for replacing the stickers. Family counseling is a must. The dad isn't acting responsibly and needs his eyes opened. The counselor will also help you decide if you are in a toxic environment. Protect your daughter and don't forget to protect yourself. You may be the boys next target.
So much to unpack! 1. The stepson crying because his "I'm sorry" didn't suffice for his negative behavior seems pretty manipulative to me. 2. Can we address the fact that his retaliation could've burned the gouse down? It's pretty disturbing that the dad doesn't seem fazed at all my that. 3. The husband's lack of empathy or protection towards his stepdaughter is a HUGE red flag. It says to me that he will not protect or take responsibility for her, and that he is cool with you having more of an emotional investment in his son than he has for your daughter. 4. WhyTF are you contributing more for his son's trip than he is? And 5 (admittedly petty). Take his electronics and burn them b****es and see how he feels.
I need to address one more thing, what such behaviour means for the boys future? Father doesn't care at all, he only cares about money
Load More Replies... NTA. I wonder how much the camp costs and what the estimated monetary value of the sticker collection is. Some weeklong summer sports camps in my area are like $300, and a sticker collection could easily be way more than that ($5-10 per pack for cheap stickers, and way more for the fancy 3D ones for scrapbooking).
Dad is wrong. Stepmom isn't "punishing" him, she's simply no longer in the mood to do something nice for him after he was horrible to his (much younger) stepsister. Stepson needs to learn he's not automatically entitled to other people's property, whether it's a camera, sticker collection, or money.
Honestly, OP - U R NTA! Ur spouse and stepson Are DEFINITELY THE AH'S! Ur stepson is Criminal! Abuse of a Disabled individual?!?!?! Divorce both and send 16yr b******e to psychiatrist and/or jail! His A** should be working as a volunteer in a facility serving disabled individuals, cleaning toilets, washing dishes and scrubbing floors because he cannot be trusted to treat others humanely!
I'm really proud of her banning his friends grin the house, and she should tell their parents about their violent and destructive activity. The husband is a TOTAL AH for acting like his son was enitiled to her money, and acting like the son's behavior was only mildly unacceptable. That boy needs a hard punishment now, or it'll only get worse for everyone around him
Was about to mention letting the other boys' parents know exactly what happened. I'm glad I wasn't the first though. I am a father of a 16 year old boy myself. I cannot think of a single instance where he would not be grounded until he moves out if he did anything like this. . I would certainly make him work to pay for the stickers and camp? Are you kidding me? Soft parenting results in soft morals!
Load More Replies... NTA, what stepson and friends did is a CRIME. Three days of no electronics is supposed to be sufficient. Husband is trying to gaslight you with, "don't ruin your relationship ". His son is a bad person and he should face it. It happens
If the son had taken the stamps and thrown them in the garbage just before the garbage truck came, that would be very bad. The fact that he burned them in car oil is quite frightening. I fear that son requires help from a psychiatrist, and if the father can’t see that, so does he. Please be careful that the daughter is not harmed in retaliation for no camp. If the father and son will not seek psychological help, it may be time for you to leave. I am so sorry that this happened.
His behavior is a warning sign. If he's willing to set fire to a sticker collection, what's to stop him from setting fire to your house the next time he doesn't get what he wants? Boy needs therapy asap.
If a little 16yo psycho is taking a fiery vengeance (quite literally) for something small like not getting to have his stepsisters camera, and his father defending him like this, then OP needs to reconsider her life choices. Simple as that.
I wouldn't have gave the money neither and all the boys that was involved in burning the sticker's including the brother should buy new sticker's and yes use the money for the camp on new sticker's for your daughter
So the husband is ok with his biological son destroying his disabled step sister's possessions? More than just their relationship needs a good looking at.
As a retired high school teacher I can tell you there is *nothing* normal about a kid who sets fires. The fact that he did it intentionally to hurt someone with a disability makes it far worse. The fact that he saw this as a legitimate response to his anger means his “side” is irrelevant. Even more important, your daughter needs to know that you will protect her and that she comes first no matter what, up to and including leaving the marriage and ending the living arrangement to keep her safe.
The wife seriously needs take a second look at her marriage. If her husband is so nonchalant about this, it definitely should tell her more serious times are on the horizon. Husband should pay 'all' camp expenses and Mom, you need to keep a better watch on your daughter. Your stepson is 'dangerous' and he associates with other dangerous people. Guard your daughter well Mom. Guard your daughter extremely well. .
Are you kidding 3 days no electronics. Screw that, no more electronics until you're 18. Daughter has every right to sue him, how dare he ruin something of hers because he didn't get what he wants. That's the kind of behavior I'd expect from trump. I'd take his electronics and the door off his room and bathroom.
That stepson messed up! He is too old to do something like that! He needs to be punished. It would be a totaly different thing, if he had offered a deal to his step sister: "Can I borrow your camera for the summer camp? In exchange I will help you to find some cool new stickers for your collection.". Maybe then she would have agreed to borrow her camera to him.
A new relationship is not just a relationship with 1 person. It's a relationship with your family and another family, creating a bigger family. And every member of the family needs to be on the same page. Especially when children are involved. Punishment's are given by the parents not siblings. And property can be borrowed if the owner agrees to lend it. So young dude needs to learn you can't have everything you want, and you can't be rewarded for crimes. Now the punishment for destruction of property. Let the Punishment fit the Crime. Taking back money from camp trip. Yes that sounds like something of equal value. And to step dad.... Her needs to get onboard with raising that young man honest. Or do we want our youth to fail at adulting?
If they say No, then it's a No. You can't punish people for saying No. That's their decision, and if they say No, then he needs to accept that instead of "punishing" a DISABLED YOUNGER CHILD by LITERALLY BURNING THEIR YEARS OF WORK AND CURE TO ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION. Tell him *calmly* that if his son wants to go back to his camp, he needs to get back every single sticker that she's ever collected. That's only fair.
Sounds like the mom married into a narsacistic relationship where the son controls his dad. I'd run asap to a divorce lawyer. Nothing is fixing this situation.
OMG SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY JULIA!!!! You seriously need to get a life. I feel extremely sorry for anyone that has to deal with you and your annoying I'm better than everyone attitude. Now go f*ck off somewhere else and leave everyone alone.
Load More Replies... I would watch my back if I were you. Taking a younger sibling stuff just because he got said "no" and setting it on fire let alone she is disabled. Something is seriously wrong with him. As for your husband/thefather of the stepson he needs to be on your side not the son's. Your husband is totally wrong and you are right all the way.!
He's a 16 year old, understanding consequences should already be ingrained. I would suggest telling him that you intend to defund his trip and use that money to restore his sister's collection but there is still a punishment for his immature action. Give him a day to put together an alternative that will meet all the requirements of punishment and reimbursement. This will give him a chance to recognize and take responsibility for his actions. By offering an alternative such as a payment plan, taking over chores, etc.. accepted by you of course he is committing himself to the consequences and not just having the mean stepmom dictate unreasonable consequences like he's a little kid.
I think that is a very adequate reaction to a shockingly cruel act. And looking at Dad's reaction we can see where the sociopathic tendency comes from. They both sound like narcissists. I agree with Beth's comment about reconsidering long term plans with that family constellation.
Kat Min, I hope u meant that was a very INADEQUATE answer to a shockingly cruel act. I believe both Dad and Stepson are psychopaths!
Load More Replies... Mom is TOTALLY in the RIGHT. WHAT KIND OF Sociopathic MONSTER has this jerk father raised anyway?? Where does this spoiled brat punk get the ideas he can destroy something precious to this girl, that he can vengefully destroy it AND ONLY THEN APOLOGIZE by whining to papa that he was sorry?! GOOD!!! HE SHOULD BE!!! IF this girl's precious possession was a dog or kitten, would his friends and he set IT on fire?? WACKO Dad... it's NOT WHAT HE BURNED you should be losing sleep over...it's that he did it to be CRUEL, TO BULLY, TO SHOW HIS ENTITLEMENT, AND HIS DANGEROUS PERSONALITY DISORDER THAT YOU DAD, ARE WAY TOO UNEDUCATED TO EVEN SPOT. NOTHING!!...justifies what he did to do mental and emotional harm to this child. AND NOTHING about this act of VIOLENCE and HARM TOWARDS THIS FAMILY MEMBER SISTER can be justified in ANY mentally, morally HEALTHY FAMILY can justify his threats that mom's well- centered discipline actions-LONG OVERDUE BY DADDY-are overreactions.
This kid needs to see a therapist with that money. Perhaps talk to the police about arson.
The behavior of the stepson is concerning. They maybe should consider using the money for professional help for this kid, and naturally for some nice sticker for the girl. (I wonder what would happen if he is denied sexual interaction with his girlfriend in the future? Will he do similar actions?)
I certainly agree that the woman was NTA and she did not overreact to what Was done to his stepsister. It makes me wonder what he has done that has not come to light. Definitely use the funds you were going to contribute to do your best to replace the stickers that were lost. This made me cry for your daughter. She should certainly be able to say no without facing retaliation. further your daughter has a disability. These stickers help her with anxiety. Does her stepbrother not recognize how cruel his actions were? Does he have no empathy for how many things are thwarted in her life because she has a disability? Does he have no compassion for her situation and realize how fortunate he is not to be disabled? His father is fostering a sense of entitlement in him and at best he may grow up to be a narcissist at worst sociopath. Evaluate if it is healthy to be around this man and his son
Collections being burnt, that hurts so much. It is like burning a museum full of history that can not be replaced even with new collections. These are unreplaceable things that others do not know or understand.
His parents should be funding his camp. If daddy REALLY wanted him to go he would have funded the 80%... not expecting you to.
Don't know how long you have been married, but you need to protect your daughter from not only your stepson but his father. It seems like dad is probably afraid of retaliation from his son also, I think it would be wise to get out of this situation, because his son is mentally disturbed and things will only escalate now that he isn't getting his camping experience. Dad is taking easiest way out for himself, with no regard for your daughter or you.
The boy's behavior is extremely alarming. To take revenge on a handicapped sibling is truly scary. What will happen as he gets older and does not get his way? They better put a stop to it now!
Everyone drop the ball, except your daughter. When she initially told him no, that should have ended the discussion. Him asking multiple times, was not a reasonable action. Not going to camp, is not a consequence. He should not have touched her property, and most certainly should not have destroyed it - with his friends. His actions were not age appropriate, so he definitely should have therapy. He could have caused a large fire.
Next time your stepson feels like he is entitled to something or to destroy something belonging to someone else, he might find himself on the wrong side of the law. I don't know if anyone mentioned this but he did is CRIMINAL and has legal consequences. Tell your stupid, dimwit husband that there are no "3 days out" punishment in court. To be honest, the son is the reflection of his entitled and childish father, good riddens to both
This 16 year old boy is headed down a very dark path. This is only the beginning. What could he be capable of doing next. He doesn't need camp. He needs counseling, and a lot of it. And that little girl needs protection. After the father has lost all sense of discipline, and a "boys will be boys" mentality, I would tell mom to grab your daughter and run. Far from this environment.
You did the right decision . You need to sit down and have a talk with your husband. You explain that you wouldn’t tolerate such behavior toward her daughter, especially the damaging her property to hurt your daughter. That punishment he suggested is punishment for a 10 year old. If it were me, I would take back my money and he would have to find a job, so he would be able to replace the stamps. You explain to him, if he want the marriage to last, he need to realize that what he committed was a crime, he could have gone to jail. This time he did to his stepsister, the next time may be the neighbor.
Not going to camp is the least of his worries. Because if were my house, his little wahoo would be finding a job and his paycheck would go into a fund for your daughters stickers. And your husband can help replace them. I think he needs a serious lesson in consequences too.
Is there a address we can send her some stickers to? That boy knew exactly what he was doing and he don't deserve to go to that camp.
Nah F that. Your husband is a loser for trying to reverse this on you. Forget his kid is a pyro....why would you do something like that? If this was my mom...16 or not she would have whooped his a*s LOL so no your NTA. I'm stunned hes just going to overlook his sons actions. He knew better and did it with malice. He has no idea what they may have done to your daughter.. .3 days no devices...yea not NEARLY enough. That's why this kids act the way they do now. They are both assholes. So what hes going to burn the building down when he doesn't get his first job. He's clearly not ready for real life and has a sense of unearned entitlement. Screw that kid.
The stepson is 16 years old and acts like an entitled 12 year old a scary entitled 12 year old. I'm not surprised this kid has gotten this way based upon the attitude of the the father. Seriously what does he said he's sorry and has learned his lesson mean, no he hasn't it's not even a sincere apology. This women really picked a winner for the 2nd husband. Make it quick and simple, say you lost camp based upon your juvenile destructive behavior, you just learned a life lesson think about that for a while.
This whole situation is definitely quite disturbing. Both your husband and stepson are not only in the wrong but also showing no remorse or will to make proper amends. I guess the son isn't far away from the father. If you let this pass you will be setting the way both of them will continue to disregard yours and your daughter's wellbeing. You are an adult, so your choice... but your daughter is your responsibility and her wellbeing should trump everything else. I would talk to a professional and, were the abuse to happen again, raise criminal charges. That kid is a real danger.
NTA. Divorce. Clearly your husband has no values. Taking away the money for stepson's camping trip is the BEST choice you've made here. He needs to learn his lesson. Arson is a dangerous act. There could be criminal charges for such acts. Destroying her property is definitely a criminal act. I'd bring that up to jerk husband. Theft of property. I'm a former federal law enforcement officer. You may want to use those facts as leverage for your decision. Who went too far? Your stepson! He should be happy I'm not his father. Camping wouldn't be the only thing that's cancelled!
You need to think seriously about ending your relationship and moving yourself and your daughter away..This sort of behaviour only gets worse not better as time goes on. Your daughter must be your priority.
Good. There are consequences for your actions. He ruined years of her childhood and stole her joy, so him not being allowed to go to a camp is THE LEAST that should happen as a consequence. I'd have punished him harder.
Lots of red flags here. Stepson burning his sisters belongings because she told him no, and dad thinks moms reaction is too much? Stepson getting his friends in on this? That boy needs help. Mom needs to protect her daughter and snap hubby into some reality.
3 days without electronics? Pretty much sounds like camping. Your stepson isn't OWED camp and he isn't OWED your daughters camera either. If your husband keeps pushing you for a "lighter punishment" tell him he's lucky that you didn't file a police report on your stepson for theft and destruction of private property, being that your daughter is disabled, throw the words "hate crime" in there too. Hopefully THAT gets the message across that his son's entitled behavior is NOT okay.
OK so someone has to be on the side of the Daughter. Obviously the stepson hasn't learned a harsh enough punishment that makes him understand that life has consequences!!!! If the Son wants to go to Camp and his bio parents see nothing wrong then they can fund his trip. STAND YOUR GROUND!! What that spoiled little s**t did to his sister was atrocious. And if he was kind to his sister all the time she would've handed him that Camera without a thought.
Also, protect the girl from further retaliation from her brother. He'll blame her for making him lose his vacation, and if he's capable of burning her things, he's capable of assaulting her.
NTA, I agree the son and husband are out of line, use the 80% to buy stickers, this is toxic, all that. But I'd like to point something out-- the stepson's overreaction needs to be addressed with more than just punishment. Even at the age of 16, this kind of acting out could be because something is deeply wrong and he needs help. The instability of a divorce and new family is probably wrecking him. Being the healthy sibling of a disabled child can also lead to the healthy child being neglected. Nothing excuses his behavior, and your punishment is correct. But you need to consider family and individual counseling, and to present it lovingly to him as a way to help him cope with everything that's happening, not a punishment. 16 is old enough to know not to burn his sister's things, but it's not old enough to get his emotions straight all by himself.
Woman, you and your daughter are NOT safe! Thank God you discovered your step-son's inner attributes by his disturbing actions. I am a man - yes, you should seriously consider separation or divorce. You are not safe and we are all worried.
The dad should be telling his son that whoever helped him destroy his sister's collection can help in a collection fund to replace it, and if they choose not to then they are no longer welcome. Until this happens all plans are off you choose a action which has results. You don't get away without consequences for acting like a spoiled brat. Maybe the brother should have thought of how to find a way to finance a camera, dad needs to find a way to use this situation to bring the family together as dad's point of view seems to separate the family.
I was really curious about the kids' respective ages when I read the headline, because I'm initially imagining kids in their middle single digits, like 6-8 or thereabouts, and also the nature of the "destruction" - e.g., did he rip up a few pages, etc., the typical childhood destructive behavior that may not be quite as egregious but still needs to be addressed appropriately with an understanding of consequences. When I found out that this is a teenager old enough to hold a driver's license in some US States, to legally hold a job, to legally drink in some countries, and to be charged as an adult for certain crimes, no. Just no. This is a sub-adult engaging in emotionally abusive behavior towards a child. And while yes, the daughter being disabled adds another layer, no, we as readers have NO business knowing the specifics of her disability. Obviously more details in other areas - how long the family has been blended, the general relationship between the kids, etc - might...
...shed better light on potential nuances, like is this the first time they've had a serious issue arise like this, etc. Given the facts presented, though, stepson ITA 100%. Dad probably feels horrible but obligated to support his bio kid, but also needs to pull up his big boy underwear and discipline his son appropriately, because a 16 year old should absolutely know that this is not just wrong, but wrong on so many levels. The fact that he then also threw a tantrum (at 16) sobbing and begging to go and claiming he feels bad proves he's a spoiled bully and the mom is absolutely correct that this punishment needs to stand as his life lesson. NGL one of the commenter's posts about "what happens if a woman says no to him in bed" hit home because of the experience of a close friend's daughter. I'll give a vague cap summary but consider this your trigger warning for SA...
Load More Replies... The boy and his father domt have boundaries when it comes to people saying no, they have no respect. They feel entitled to everything and that is why this woman must be very careful, she's going to regret been married to this man. There is a hint narcissists in both the husband and the son. She is not wrong, the boy has to learn that what he did was totally unnecessary and he should have left his step sister alone and his father should have stood by his stepmom. I can't belive how selfish and entitled a lot of ppl ate becoming now a days.
Its very concerning that he did that. Very vindictive. You only get one chance to raise a child and teach them right and wrong. Sounds like a fair reaction after what he did. He needs to understand that what he did was unacceptable.
What was he thinking while him and his friends were doing this? That's what u really need to ask yourself. And dad, if sis would've destroyed something of your son's things that he held on to his whole life, that truly made him happy and actually helped with his anxiety? So sad.
First and foremost, I totally agree with you, the mom. The 80% now can go to replace the sticker collection. I have a stamp collection I got as a inheritance and I know from looking at it the amount of time and energy to get them all, organize, etc. I agree, the stepson now gets to learn from his actions, do have consequences. He is 16 and allowed maybe even asked his friends to help destroy his stepsisters sticker collection. Takes premedication, action and plans. So I agree with you mom. Don't feel bad and do not wavier. Allow that teen boy to learn and hopefully grow. You actually are doing him a favor in the long run even if his bio-dad doesn't agree. I want to know why are you as a step mom are fronting 80% while the bio-dad is only doing 20%. Personally the dad should do 80 and maybe you as a step mom should do 20. That makes no sense. Lastly for bio-dad to say his son would hate you. Well that's a sign and watch out for more trouble in the long run. Best of luck.
NTA, please call a therapist for the son. He clearly needs help and a question about how he got gasoline as well. Still, more important to get help for him. Honestly, as someone with Autism, I know the horrible crushing depth of pain when the thing you like gets taken away. For me it was books. I am so sorry she went through that, maybe help her by taking her shopping with the money to replace the stickers. After all, the money was for the son and since he nastily burned your daughter's things, he should pay to replace every single one of them.
She's absolutely did the correct thing! What he did was so over the top that I would grounds him for a year or until he found every sticker on Amazon and ebay to replace every one!
I would be concerned about a q6 year old that appears not to have a filter when he is told no. This is more serious than staying out past curfew with three days punishment. Rightly so, those camp funds should go towards your daughter's sticker collection. Your husband needs to be checked. He isn't thinking clearly if he th8nks his son was just acting out because he was mad. You might want to think about therapy for him.
That money, is no longer camp money. It is your money, no one else's. You can do whatever you want with it. The stepson is 16, he knew what he was doing was wrong. He chose to do it anyway. Instead of worrying about camp, this boy needs to start looking for new stickers to replace the ones he burned.
I agree withthe idea of using her chip in money to buy the stickers for her daughter, tbh her husband sounds concerning to me no wonder her stepson being that way
Those stickers is her safe place and brings joy, just like some of my old dolls i still keep them because of the memories and comfort me by reminding me of my childhood so she's (the mom) definitely nta. Her husband can pay for the summer camp.
Load More Replies... They both did in varying degrees. The Dad wanted to give his son a 3 day electronics ban. The step mom took her money back she'd saved for the step sons camp.
Load More Replies... I'm not gonna say divorce or get out. Teenagers do stupid things without thought and the husband is trying to protect his son the same way you are trying to protect her. You never know what is going on between them when you're not there. I do think follow through with no camp. If he'd hidden the stickers and been forced to give them back then I understand the 3 days no electronics but he permanently took away some thing very important to her. Taking campnoff the table permanently removes something important to him so he now knows how she feels and will think twice before doing it again.
I don't think losing camp is enough. He should be grounded from anything but school and work until he makes enough money to pay for what he'd destroyed. I'd take that camp money and send him to a therapist.
Load More Replies... It's disturbing. Definitely not good if he doesn't get proper punishment
I do think it was the proper punishment although, I feel this whole thing could have been avoided. When he asked if he could borrow the camera YOU should have taught your daughter that if you're going to be a family, you need to start sharing ...but you didn't do that. I don't know you but I think if the tables were turned and she had asked to borrow the camera I bet you would have made him do it. Sounds to me like your harder on the son than the daughter. If your not going to love your husband's son completely, that means you love her your stepson as much as your daughter. If you can't do that, you might has well get a divorce right now because it's never going to work. Also, don't you dare even think about taking that money and going and getting your daughter a stamp collection and making a day of it with that money. Your supposed to be teaching him that there are consequences for his behavior right? Your not supposed to be emotionally and mentally hurting him. Think about it!
Wow, my heart aches for your daughter. My daughter has a disability too and is limited to certain activities. That sticker collection meant more to her than anyone could ever imagine! A great source of happiness for her and he ruined it! He should be held accountable and be made to get a job instead of going to a camp. He should work and give his money to his stepsister so that she can purchase more stickers. He was a total jerk for what he did!
Totally agree with the Mom/stepMom, yes the stepson will do more damage, he will his whole life, his dad needs to correct the litte dirty bastard. Until dad gets the courage to do so, be on your guard, watch your tooth bruses your daughters too- ss is not right upstairs!!!
I think you did the right thing. He devastated your daughter by taking away the one thing that she loved and could not fix it by replacing. He may be upset with you now but I'm sure he'll think twice about doing something like that again. Accountability makes kids better people in society. I'm sure the relationship will heal over time. The fact that you saved up 80% was very good of you to do and I'm sure he realizes that and is hopeful you would do it again for him in the future for something else if he smartens up.
he did irreparable physical permanent damage to something emotionally significant to his younger, disabled, step sibling in an attempt to bully and manhandle her into giving in and letting him have what he wants with the "or else" always hangong over her head from now on. Why should he get to go do anything until he had effectively and sincerely replaced as many of her stickers himself as he can... using the funds for his camp hand in hand with others he should have to earn on his own?
Punishment is in order and the 16yo knows it. Plus he speaks against step sister and mother to the friends who helped burn her hobby collection. If you let him get away with such a deliberate act it will ruin the family bond and the boy. Here is the chance to learn respect his family. Dad has to pay.. he's in trouble too. Respect your wife and her daughter. Teach the young man that no means no. Pay for camp, correct the problem. Apologies to the the girl. Set the right example.. live happily ever after. Wife came up with part of the solution $? you come up with the other part. Fix it.
The dad's 20% contribution to the camp fees, and his reaction to the his son's over-the-top reaction to the camera and resulting punishment, are disturbing. They show he is a disinterested parent at best. I would not be surprised if he married OP to take care of Homer and kids while he plays the entitled, man of the family castle. Basically he's more donor than parent. The dad seems more concerned with house all this will affect him not his son, wife, or step-daughter. I would not be surprised if a similar situation ended a previous relationship. At any rate, Dad is teaching the boy how to be an even bigger AH than he himself had managedd to achieve. I agree that OP and her daughter should leave this toxic situation. But that won't help the stepson, who also needs rescued, and nurtured, so he can break this cycle of entitled, malignant masculinity.
Can we get a link send stickers to like a po box or something. I got plenty old pokemon stickers and comic book stickers from my 80s comics I'd hate take them out the comic but this is worth it
Let him go with it and the next stop will: everybody gang rape step sisters, let the boys be boys? Who the hell this man tries to rise? 16 years old abuser is abuser, not a koddo
I am going to be the one to say it, but I don't think the kid is a monster or horrible. I think this family has a very dysfunctional dynamic. We heard one side. I will also say that siblings of children with special needs are often put on the back burner. The child with special needs always comes first in a lot of ways, it is just how it is, and unless you work really hard to compensate for that, sibling can be very resentful. Should she pull funding for camp, that seems fair, maybe, but again, IDK. Like, is he supposed to share his things with his step sister? I can see why her not wanting to share her camera with him would set him off. There are just to many unknowns in this story, and I feel the whole family could benefit from therapy. My source of information is I have worked a lot with families with special needs children and mental health, and 99% of the time there is a lot of imbalance with the treatment of the children. Please don't down vote me and have me banned.
Yes, they would probably all benefit from therapy, but to make excuses for the stepbrother? Not cool. Burning someone's possessions is unacceptable. The disabled child also suffers way more, not because of the disability, either. Because we live in an ableist society that treats disabled people like burdens. Source? I'm disabled. I'm autistic. I have ADHD. My childhood was hell. My parents definitely didn't give me more attention than my siblings. They actually gave me less attention. The disabled child actually rarely comes first. We are often ignored, and pushed aside. If we are put first, it's a show.
Load More Replies... Isn’t that theft? Have the little brat and his buddies arrested. Then, secure your living situation. Is it your house? Throw AH husband and stepson out and change the locks. Not yours? Find safe housing elsewhere, hire a divorce lawyer and serve this papers. This kid is going to grow up to be an abusive adult, get away from him know. P.S.-is there a bio mom involved?
The 16 yr olds behavior is beyond disturbing. And am I the only one whose going to say it. His parents are the ah here. Why are you paying 80 % for this camping trip and they only 20?? It is their child. Yes you're wonderful for helping out but to almost completely fund his whole trip. Neck no. You're not the ahole here. I wouldn't pay out a dime. Where is his father's compassion for the damage done to your daughter. ??? He has none . divorce may need to be on the table this isn't normal. It isn't ok for his son to punish your daughter. Their both mentally unstable
This would be a divorce decision for me. The stepson is headed down the road of a future felon, and I would want no part of that. His dad wants him to go to camp so badly? Well, then, he can pay ALL the expenses. It speaks volumes that the stepmother is expected to pay MORE than the bio parent, too. So many red flags in this relationship. Also, stepson is 16, shouldn't he have a part time job or something and be learning the value of paying his own way? I mean, one day, he will be responsible for himself, after all.
You absolutely did the right thing mom! If this behavior goes unchecked it will be far worse next time. The "I'll get her for this!" attitude is horrible and escalates quickly. The girl will never be the same for this, and if his punishment isn't of equal or greater value, he won't learn or care. Taking away electronics for 3 days and then going about as if it didn't even happen will have a vast ripple effect in the future.
Better teach this future rapist that no means no next time y'all will be searching for your daughter and the little psycho helping u look talking about he dont know who wouldve hurt her dont ignore the red flags protect your daughter
Yea sorry to say its time someone taught this future rapist that no means no if he doesnt start learning that now the next time she tells him no they will be looking for her daughters remains and he will be helping them look talking about how much he loved her and cant believe someone would do something to her mess around and find out
Also, this boy is obviously hurting inside. Whether he resents his dad for getting married and bringing another child into it as well. Maybe he has a chip on his shoulder because he's caught on to the fact that you favor your daughter more than him. This family needs therapy because it should be 50/50 with every situation that may arise. If not, get a divorce or your going to damage that lost little boy for life.
I am wondering also why are u giving 80 % and his dad 20%? Why not teach your daughter, its kind to share? Didn't he only want to use it? If he is truly sincere in being sorry and he agrees to find a way to replace it all, why add more punishment on top? I'm not sure how I view that. All that being said, I think u have bigger issues at hand. The 16 yr old may have serious anger issues, that his father needs to address. I think maybe this marriage, needs to be evaluated. Make sure both children's frustrations and feelings are being acknowledged. They were thrown into this situation, not by their choices. Make sure their feelings are being discussed with them, and try to see their take on things. It sounds like it's a very new blending.
My brother was very stubborn in his teens. I don't think the stepson is "mentally disturbed" - I could see a brother doing that, especially if egged on by a couple of immature friends. But I would like to pose a possible solution. When my brother really blew it, my parents would sit down, remind him exactly of what he did, then ask him what punishment he thought would be fair. Inevitably, he would suggest a punishment that exceeded what my parents would've done. The stepson in this story may even agree that not going to camp was right punishment - you never know until you try. But at 16, he should have a decent grip on consequences, so this discussion could help with an appropriate punishment and keep the family intact.
Wow how painfull !!. As a parent, sit down with the 16 yr old and ask him what happened and why he did what he did.Let him talk and correct his wrong doing.The fact that he begged after the fact then apologysed after getting cought and still burned the stickers after she said 'NO'more then ones is not ok.He should of found another solution to his lacking a camera.Tell him to put himself in her shoes. Find out why she did not want to give him her camera. She has her reasons.She is intitled to protect her things.But he needs help !! He does not seam to care much.He wants what he wants. So no camp this yr until leason learned unfortunatly. He has to work hard for a new camera and he and his friends as to apologyse to his sister infront of his parents. Forgiving each other is the best remedie. Then he has to fix this. If he wont apologyse then you know were he stands.watch his from now on and protect the girl..God bless the family..nothing is easy...
NTA. Stick to your guns. He went for the jugular and intentionally set out to crush her emotionally by destroying the one thing that he knew brought her happiness and had a calming effect - just because he was told 'no'. So yes, that camp money (that his own parents are responsible to pay for) just became the sticker replacement fund.
I did not understand what the daughter's disability is, the reason I mention it is because I believe the 16 year old son was acting in total disrespect of her right to say no to his request for her camera also to BURN and Destroy Her NEEDED property/possessions was thoughtless, selfish and really evil. Thinking of his desires only. Oh yes the money for the trip SHOULD have been taken back without question - no guilt or second thoughts. He should not have been rewarded for bad behavior. When you enable children (people in general) they will continue to exhibit the same behavior.
I have a lot of questions here because it doesn't pass the smell test. So, first the mother makes many assertions; she was paying for 80% of the camp, the daughter is disabled (exactly what is it, auto-immune, ADHD or Diabetes? All considered disabilities) and in general what is the relationship between the kids and in the family? How long have they been together, does either kid have a smart phone, why does the younger kid have a camera and the older one doesn't? Several other things are disturbing; both parents taking their kids side and not being objective (I question the overall relationship between the two adults, not judging but something doesn't smell right) about the other kids and neither sitting both kids down to have a discussion. There is more to this story that this 16 yr old took a torch; what else is going on that he felt that was his only option? While most parents don't admit it, they have a favorite, blended family or not and one kid always gets left behind.
I’m worried about the mental state of the disabled girl. My prayers for her.
NTA. I would have not only nixed that boy's camping trip, but assigned him a few extra chores to do that month. No one should be rewarded for trashing someone else's property.
As a parent and collector of different things this bothers me. Tbh i dont know how but I have a collection of old Disney stickers she can have. Ima check back on this, drop me a line and we’ll talk.
Sounds like the boundary setting needs to extend to the husband and son in a more permanent way.
Your first priority is to protect your daughter. Your stepson displayed dangerous abusive behavior - if you are honest you will remember and see this is not the first time he’s done something like this. If he will BURN an object when he’s denied his way by someone he can dominate he will get worse if he doesn’t get help and is held accountable. He’s only sorry because he is not going to camp. If his family isn’t on board take the $800 and get counseling for your daughter and hire a lawyer to get out of the marriage.
Issues in this family run deeper than stickers and camp money, have to assume Jr doesn't have a cellphone most have awesome cameras, and what about sharing in this family, you don't comingle funds. It is telling when you specify you paid 80% and his dad 20%, don't you both always pay 100% usually once married its ours. You are spending a lot of time keeping things separate. Actions have consequences bad behavior no camp, sharing resources in a family should be a given teaching mutual respect. Seems there is too much us vs them.
he never loves you.he just love your company.that us tour daughter. For me i wouldn't love him the same.more could come out of this. Your child first.tye faher building a monster.please be careful Boy you need the Caribbean with a good neighbor hood. His heart is too better.it tells what he does behind his parents back. Please comfort your daughter she needs that.a lot..i felt it so hard
-to a spouse or girl friend that denies him anything. My advice sit down talk to him alone no step mother interference for the simple reason that she clearly stated her stance and sees nothing wrong in what her daughter did at all which lead to what happened try talking to bio mother about what's happend go to therapy with the 16 yr old get him help before he becomes a firebug and hurts someone in the future check his friends cause the fact that none of them had enough sense to tell him (dude your sister is only 12 don't you think this is a little to extreme!) Any of them could have told him to hide her stuff or bribe her although that woulda been just as wrong and bratty/immature but at least it wouldn't mean that her collection would've been destroyed completely. I also feel a lot of ppl on here are misunderstanding the father telling her she is going to ruin relationship with her step son ppl on here seem to think it's a threat I think it's not really a threat I think he is just -
--somewhat of an idea that it's ok to share and that you should especially when you live under the same roof and it's a family unit cause clearly this is she mentioned she and her daughter live with her spouse and his son so I could only pressume that it's his house and she moved in at some point with her daughter in the way she worded that part. Which if that's the case everyone had to make some kind of sacrifice to make that work or adjustments especially for a teenager and child of 12 being thrown into that kinda situation isn't always easy to accept or get along especially if their family unit is relatively new she didn't elaborate on that either. And I kinda feel like the father is being way to dismissive and relaxed about his sons reaction which is pretty outrageous and kinda disturbing I mean this isn't a comical horror like the Addams family where that kinda thing is expected and funny cause of how far fetched and kooky their reactions are when they play or get even the ---
Considering stepmom was paying the majority of stepson's camp before this it is far more likely that SHE has the money and it was her house that the boys moved into to leech off of her.
Load More Replies... This, in its limited details, sounds like an abusive relationship. I find it very concerning that your husband is more 'worried' that your step son and your relationship with him, ght be alerted. Clearly you have not been established as a parental figure to him in this relationship. Your step son, more importantly, is acting out to show you his disrespect and loathing toward you and your daughter. If your husband is not concerned, I would ask myself how healthy this relationship actually is. That may sound flippant and you would know best and your share is a tiny snippet of your daily life. That said, I apologize if I am way off base. My experience tends to be that people tell small, less alarming or embarrassing parts of thier lives. If you are at all wondering if you are in a bad situation, the internet is here to say that you quite possibly are. There are places near us in our communities where we can meet other people who have had experiences who can offer one on one support.
So why isn't the husband paying the 80% and I will do the 20% bc that's his son and if this happens he and his friends has to fund her collection and he has to accept no and find other ways of being without being destructive. Other than that she did right and as the for the husband how you arguing over my money in relation to how I parent in our adult relationship. If you can't parent or pay the 80% stfu and sit down or get the xxxk out. I do not like situations of threats regarding bad behavior that lead to fire to burn over the word no he's a boy a young man he can't handle no is a problem
Jesus, the kid definitely pulled an AH move, but much like his overreaction, a lot of people here are guilty of the same. "Extremely disturbing" no, just a 16 year old being a b******e. Btw, not saying he shouldn't be punished or that OP didn't do the right thing, just saying that some people are acting like he lit a puppy in fire and is destined to be the next charlie Manson. Wrong, AH thing to do? Absolutely! Disturbing? Absolutely not.
NTA: The stepson literally set his sister's belongings on fire because he said no. It's not an overreaction at all to take those camp funds away... If he can't take no to something so small at 16, there's bigger issues at hand. At 16, he should be able to take no for an answer without begging or crying... or setting things on fire. Should be a counseling fund instead before burning stickers turns into something more...
I’d give the stepson a choice, he can go to camp but his electronics will get destroyed like the stickers or no camp and the money goes toward new stickers. She lost the things that made her happy and will never see again the same thing should happen to him the things that makes him happy should be destroyed. Show him how it feels.
Sounds like the stepson usually always gets what he wants. Cant take no for an answer. He should be given chores until all stickers have been replaced.
What's happened in this kids life for him to have such a reaction the way he did, he is clearly not managing or able to regulate his emotions in a correct manner causing him to lash out in a very disturbing way. Probably better using that and his dad's money for some emotional regulation with a therapist. Can't see the school wanting an arsonist on the camping trip with them. Look like he knows how to try and play it too crying to get himself off the hook and then running to tell daddy. Called his dad? Where is dad as he doesn't seem to be in the same location as said kids and stepmother. I think I'd have to consider bowing out of that relationship.
Tell the husband that his son can go and live with his mother as he is no longer welcome due to his behaviour. It's not tolerated and if your husband disagrees, he can go too ..
First, why are you the one pay 80 %? Your husband, and stepson seem to think that your daughter doesn't have feelings, but those stickers were precious to her, and I was a very sick child, and I had things that were precious to me, and my parents let it be known what would happen if anything happened to my things, being I had cousins who thought that they were entitled, and could do whatever to my stuff. I'm now an adult with health precious, and I still guard what I consider dear to me like my books for example. Your stepson needs help, because this was an act of revenge, and nothing else, and towards a handicapped child at that! I hate to say this, but you need to get you, and your daughter out of that situation, because he's going to keep acting that way, and his father is going to keep covering for him, and I'm concerned about yours and your daughter's safety.
Even though the mom is nta, I think it's still fair to compromise a bit. Have the son work for the money to go sticker shopping. When his sister's no longer upset at him, the mom can take them all to the amusement park or some other kind of family bonding to make up for the family upset. Gotta work a way for the father and son to build compassion for the daughter or else for her sake divorce may be the eventual end game.
I’m not one to live in a black and white world, but I don’t see compromise here as accomplishing anything for anybody. A grown man has to be “taught” compassion for a child? An Amusement park trip to gloss over wounds deliberately inflicted? This tact just insured the 16 year old gets a pass, and the 12 year old is told what she values and her feelings are insignificant and her joy meaningless. What happens when he repeats the behavior? An extended family vacation??
Load More Replies... He needs a belting, made to work a job to pay for future stamps , and no camp for sure . Can't believe not being allowed to go to camp was a concern for the father - what a looser. No discipline.
I'm not sure I believe the story. Car motor oil isn't flammable. Being dumped in oil *would* ruin the stickers. And if that happened, it was inexcusable conduct for a 16-year old. And camp should be off But the oil detail seems a bit much. It's really not possible to light motor oil on fire with matches. So what did they teenagers use? Some sort of blow torch?
Motor oil may not be flammable but it is combustible. It will burn in conjunction with something else flammable, like say, stickers?
Load More Replies... Really!!!? The 16 year old dipped the stickers into oil then burned them!!! That boy has problems. Mom take that money and spend it on your daughter for stickers, more camera equipment or even a video camera. He can go camping some other time but your daughter probably will not get her sticker collection back. And you and your husband need to parent this boy!!! I'm 55 now but when I was 16 I had my own handyman service and helping my mom pay the rent and buy groceries for a family of 5. My dad was in prison for awhile and we had to live. That should give your boy something to think about.
He should be in trouble just for setting/playing with fire alone. Not going to camp would be appropriate for just that and on top of that he destroyed the property of a little disabled girl out of spite.
Mum - NTA. You did a right thing. He just your stepson yet you are kind enough to save and give 80% of his camp fees.If your husband insist , Let him do the paying for 80% of the fees and if they insist you may just help with the 20%. He can get away with his Dad but Not with you Mum.Let him learned to accept his stepsister as his own sister.Until he learned how to be kind to a girl/woman which is started from his own stepsister don't bother to listen to his request.Be firm and protect your daughter and please don't let him get away with this bullies attitude.Let this point sinking in your husband head too if he really means this is his family. .hugs and kisses to your girl..
It is for the camping that he needed the camera right? Then the camp is the goal - goal. Ref waves play on! And to think that the step sister is physically challenged, makes it all to worse. NTA
First paragraph, Grammatical mistake The mom also revealed some information about his (HER )stepson, stating that he’s very much looking forward to this camping trip.
What a disappointing answer from her husband and girls father. Instead of being a manipulative he should ask the mother of the son to help him pay for it if he thinks he deserves it after what he did on purpose to his daughter
Forget replacing the stickers with the 80% mom took back from the camp fund. The son destroyed his stepsister’s sticker collection as revenge—plain and simple. HE should pay to replace it. Yes, actions DO have consequences and 16 is plenty old to know he should not do this and thus to pay the consequences for his actions. I imagine it will take a while for him to pay in full. That’s OK. Perhaps this will help him learn to curb his actions and help him in the future. If so this will serve him well. This will actually be doing him a favor. It wasn’t nice of your daughter to say no, but it was her right. Did you and your husband know the son didn’t have a camera and wanted to use one and didn’t have access? If so, why didn’t you loan him one or buy him a cheap one? It’s very understandable that he would want to take pictures of this great upcoming experience . While what he did was wrong I can certainly understand being upset about not having one to use. Why didn’t you help him?
Do not leave this boy/child alone with your daughter. His friends either.. this event has a gang mentality. They not only burnt the stickers but knew too dip them in oil to get more pleasure out of it. . WHAT WILL HE DO NEXT EHEN TOLD. "NO". THE DAD HAD BETTER LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE AND TOMMORROW. THIS BOY/CHILD IS 16. DRIVING A VEHICLE, PEDESTRIAN,BIKES WITH CHILDREN, A POLICE OFFICER STOPS HIM. A TEACHER. A GIRL REBUKES HIS ADVANCES
I have a "friend" who steals my stuff then breaks it and doesnt apologize. when im visiting him i bring a bunch of Legos(i love legos) and Vee, my stuffed Eevee(im a huge Eevee fan) and he,ll take apart my legos and put them into his sets, but when i borow a single piece, like an extra gem or a black hilt, he SCREAMS and says im a little thief and to stay away from everything he owns, which is scattered all ovr the hows, so its imposibl 2 do that.
Hmmm… it sounds like there is something seriously wrong with the son. Is he neurodivergent or developmentally delayed? If not, are they getting him professional help? He definitely needs it. Is the camp designed to help kids with his set of problems? Regardless, OP should find a different punishment because if nothing else, camp will get him out of her house and away from her daughter.
Real talk, is anyone else getting sick of all these "these people are horrible people" articles?
NTA. U definitely did the right thing! The boy and his dad need mental help. Get a deadbolt lock on your daughter’s bedroom door. Get inexpensive cameras up in common areas. Watch the boy very carefully.
Load More Replies... Okay, I stopped reading this when the mother was explaining how big a deal camp was for the 16 year old boy, which is why he kept begging his younger sister to borrow it. Mom and Dad could have prevented all this from happening by a quick post on a social media account explaining the situation, and friends, or friends of friends would have loaned them one, because people are inherently good.
- being generous both children should both feel like and understand they lost something because of their behavior and that they won't get it back until they have a mild sense of understanding what they did wrong
The daughter did nothing wrong. She is not required to loan her stepbrother her personal possessions for any reason. NO ONE is EVER required to share personal possessions, sharing is only required when the item in question belongs to the whole family/class/group.
Load More Replies... -maybe counseling as a family unit cause step parent and step children relationships in themselves are complex enough so that wouldn't hurt. But just like I believe that the sons punishment should be more severe than 3days no electronics and no trip I do feel that to be fair cause both children where in the wrong in this situation she shouldn't just take her money and replace her daughters collection not saying to disregard the girls feelings entirely I understand this is her daughter have her take some accountability as well bring awareness to her take her out on the town explain to her why what she did was wrong to and how she could've avoided the whole situation if she had just lended the camera in the first place it's not like it was her most valued item or personal item like clothes that she couldn't part with for a day hold both children accountable she shouldn't replace her daughters sticker collection until she understands their is nothing wrong with sharing and being -
So, now the daughter is to blame for her stickers getting burned up??? It was okay for the camera to be loaned against her wishes because she liked it less than the stickers???Did ya ever think that she might have had good reason from past experience NOT to lend him anything? Disabled does not mean unintelligent. Siblings know each other better than parents do. She knew EXACTLY who she was dealing with and was well within her rights to say no. The logic of it being “her fault” has been wrongfully applied to crimes for years, especially by men against women.
Load More Replies... - honest cause he knows his son's personality type and by demonstration of his overall reaction that lead to this article I think it's safe to say that he is definitely resentful defensive and above all vindictive he is basically a brat that is used to getting his way and conditioned to think its OK as the mother thinks it's ok for her daughter to be selfish and think that's OK. Now I understand that everyone loves their biological children (especially unconditionaly) and that it's so much easier to justify one's child over someone else's regardless if their your spouse and you all live together as wrong as that maybe but I have witnessed many times over point is right is right and wrong is wrong both parents are at fault and father needs to take his son behavior more serious his son is almost a man and will be held accountable as an adult in the near future should he burn someone else's belongings or hurt them 3 days no electronics is a joke more like no trip till next time therapy.
Daughter isnt selfish or a brat based on this. She is standing up for herself and her boundaries and mother is correctly backing her on that.
Load More Replies... -- should seriously be concerned about his son's persona or right and wrong and overall approach or getting even or being faced in a situation where you step sister says no (and again I do belive everyone was at fault cause the daughters most prized possession according to the mother was the stickers so lending a camera with the strict understanding that it be returned in same condition shouldn't be a big deal she was being selfish and bratty and the mothers response to justify her daughter which had no real reason not to was ridiculous as well. I'm pretty sure if it was step son refusing to lend something she would call him out on it too especially if the father brushed it off with he said no respect his decision. But again I do feel father needs to be concerned cause burning anything to get even is not a joke and especially something you know belongs to a family member that is valued definite over reaction in a bought of anger like many said God knows what he will do in the future-
Daughter's property is daughter's to use only, not step son's. She does not need to let him use it every for any reason. Nor would he be required to let her borrow anything of his either.
Load More Replies... ---or justified what her step brother did but in the sense of every action has a reaction although her step brothers was completely downright inappropriate possibly psychotic to a degree just because she said no. But be because the whole thing could of been avoided if the girl had just let him borrow the camera if anything I feel that the mother is enabling her daughter to be selfish and think selfish behavior is fine It's called sharing and we all learn that at a very young age and I know she mentions the little girl to be disabled and I kinda feel like that's her whole justification of the situation and why that behavior on her part is ok when it isn't ok either she said since the girl was five so i pressume she was either diagnosed or something physical happend that led to a disability she didnt elaborate on what it was or is but that doesn't let's her off the hook either. I've been around and grew up around many ppl that are disabled physically or mentally and even they have--
Sharing is for joint property only, not personal property.
Load More Replies... I really do feel that what the step son did was wrong and most definitely a disturbing reaction considering that burning his step sisters collection is a way that he knew would cause permanent damage to her belongings and she wouldn't most likely be able to recover many of her collections and I do see this as very bratty and immature of him considering he is 16 he is probably used to always getting his way and that is a problem and grounding him I believe is justified however I do believe that the daughter that is 12 is being let off the hook pretty easily and the mom is disregarding her behavior as if it OK and it's NOT either the first thing this article makes me question is how old it is or if it's real cause I find it odd that now adays almost everyone has a smart phone with a decent camera so I don't know why he would need to borrow one for starters! Secondly I feel the daughter should be held accountable for her actions as well not to the point where It was at all fair --
Absolutely NOT! The daughter did NOTHING wrong. She was 100% in her rights to say no to someone else using HER personal property. You are never required to share ANYTHING you own with anyone. This kind of victim blamingis how men get away with rape because of how the woman was dressed. No is a complete sentence that must ALWAYS be respected. Stepson and father are 100% in the wrong and daughter and mother 100% in the right (though mom waited far to long to punish stepson for not listening to daughter's no.
Load More Replies... Your stepson was wrong , no doubt about it. Is there a reason you didn’t step in and ask your daughter why she wouldn’t allow him to borrow her camera? It might have been a good teaching opportunity about sharing. Your wording indicates a clear bias on your part; if the situation had been reversed would you have told daughter to just ‘suck it up’? Bought her an inexpensive camera or asked stepson to share?
I hate all of this "sharing is caring" bs. No one is obligated to share any of their belongings.
Load More Replies... This is an easy 1. Yes you are the a*****e! First you reacted like a child. He did something to his sister that upset her, and in turn you did the same to the boy. Sounds to me like you're all the same age. Second you are the adult act like it, if the girl wasn't using the camera she should have allowed him to use it. And as a parent you should have had her share. Third there are better punishments then making the boy miss a opportunity to go to a camp to learn. You should have made him replace the stickers, paid for by him doing chores for his actions. Not only are you taking away a life changing experience from the boy, but you are also keeping the boy home and mad, which will only make things worse. Maybe he needs time away, maybe you need time away. Maybe let him go and everything will become better, but keeping him home and in a spiteful and hateful mood the entire time he could be at camp is just going to extend the conflict.
Mom, you are NTA. Life changing experiences at 16 are not gratis. And everyone might consider that the sister had reason and history for telling her brother he could not borrow something that was precious to her. Disabled doesn’t mean unintelligent.
Load More Replies... The daughter has lost completely and has absolutely nothing to gain! The s/son has lost, but has it all to gain back. The dad has lost nothing but can gain a lesson himself. The mum has lost but has a lot to give. The daughters loss cannot be replaced, in order to make right, the s/son needs to feel that same loss. A camp that he hasn't been on yet will not suffice, let him have his camp! You need to destroy something that cannot easily be replaced, and offer your daughter to be the one to do it (hopefully she would refuse). Then, while the s/son is on his camp, mourning the loss of his precious thing, you need to burn the house down and move away with your daughter leaving your husband behind.
Honestly, so tired of this trope. There's no harsh enough punishment for a monster who would do that. Also, "after he was told no"? Like, if she hadn't specifically said, "don't burn you sister's possessions", it would have been ok?? Seriously doubting this happened
I hear people's concerns about step son and lighting the sisters things on fire and share them. There is also a possibility he's acting out looking for something. The other thing is, once a group of teenagers get going down a dumb path, sometimes they somehow get dumber together. Both of those last things suggest firmness combined with extra support and time might stop this behavior before it becomes a thing
If he's looking for something, he needs to speak up, not BURN something that it is dear to his sister.
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