Since the mid-19th century, organized feminist movements in the United States have fought for women's political, economic, and cultural freedom. But as one current TikTok trend shows us, you can fight gender inequality even by yourself, as part of your everyday routine.
It started in January when user Molly Barrie uploaded a video, inviting people to share their "subtle feminist power moves" they do on the regular, and it wasn't long before the clip spread all over the platform. So since International Women's Day is right around the corner, we at Bored Panda thought it would be interesting to check out some of the most popular submissions.
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I work in a very male-dominated industry. It is not unusual for top executives to get very disrespectful or raise their voice in a meeting where they’re not getting their way without fail. Every time that happens, I hit them with ‘Oh, I’m just sensing that you’re getting very emotional right now, I think we should all take a five minute break to allow your time to get a hold of your feelings'.
I'm gay and I've deliberately said this to straight men and enjoy the look in their faces HAHAHAHAHA
A century after the 19th Amendment was ratified in the United States, the Pew Research Center found that the majority of Americans (57%) say that the country has not gone far enough to give women equal rights with men.
Among those who think the country still has work to do in achieving gender equality, 77% highlight sexual harassment as a major obstacle to women having equal rights with men, 67% point to women not having the same legal rights as men, 66% aren't happy with different societal expectations for men and women, and 64% say not enough women are in positions of power.
To learn more about the things these women are going through, we contacted part-time project officer/part-time blogger and full-time feminist from England, Nyomi Winter.
"I noticed sexism most once I had children," the founder of the online magazine Nomipalony told Bored Panda. "The expectation that you will be primary carer whilst you try to maintain a career is really challenging. We aren't making nearly enough progress with the gender pay gap and in turn the pension pay gap. Workplace changes could make an enormous difference to equality."
In group social settings, when a man interrupts a woman, I don’t look at him. I continue to look at the woman he interrupted. Then I interrupt him and say ’Wait, what were you saying?’ to the woman. She always smiles.
But even though feminist movements have attracted significant attention in Europe and North America in recent years, only fewer than one in five young women would call themselves a feminist, polling in the UK and US suggests.
It could be that they do not feel the term speaks to them or due to the stereotypes and misconceptions associated with feminism. ("Feminists don't wear makeup, they don't shave their legs, and they hate all boys.")
But Nyomi is happy with the direction the movement is going in; she believes that today's feminists are progressive and more intersectional than ever. "I'm so impressed by today's young feminists. We are more aware of 'white feminism' and I think the Black Lives Matters movement has really pushed the Global Ethnic Majority to the front of the conversation in the past couple of years."
So I am a tall woman. I’m about 5'10, 5'11ish and if I’m going to be going into a meeting where I know that there’s going to be a man who’s going to try to speak over me or belittle me or throw his weight around, I will purposefully wear the largest heels, like the biggest heels that I have, which make me like 6'2, 6'3 so that I can stand next to them and look down on them and remind them that not only am I a match for you intellectually, but I could step on you.
TikTok user Emily Tangerine is one of the people who responded to Molly with a video of her own. "I came across this trend on my 'For You' page," Emily told Bored Panda. "I follow a ton of women who are comedians and professionals in their respective fields and activists. So this prompt was surely going to come my way."
She thinks misogyny in today's society is a really complex system. "I'd say the most oppressive force of it that is visible is the legislation that directly targets women (but will surely affect those who don’t identify as female but have a uterus) and somehow it doesn't affect men," Emily said. "Like the Texas abortion ban. There is currently no legislation against men's bodies, yet we all know it takes two to tango."
However, Emily sees women's lives improving as the older generation of men who are trying to instigate these laws fade into oblivion. "I see more and more women enrolling in college and that's going to help the situation. And I see more and more women stand up for themselves in social situations. "I stood up to my old male professor just this Friday. Women aren't allowing men to treat them like dog shit anymore and that eventually leads to legislation. Heck, we might even get one more woman on the Supreme Court."
I often claim that men don’t have arms. Hear me out. So I was having a conversation with a co-worker recently and she was talking about how she wanted her son to marry a woman who could cook. And I said ‘why?’ And she said ‘Well, he can’t cook’ And I said ‘Oh my God, does he not have arms?’ And then she was like ‘no, he’s just a man’ And I was like ‘But he has arms’ And then she just had to explain that he was going to depend on a woman to feed him for the rest of his existence with like, two whole arms. So yeah, men don’t have arms.
"Sometimes [the situation] feels really bleak (like with the recent tragic murders of Sarah Everard, Bibaa Henry, Nicole Smallman, and Sabina Nessa)," Nyomi added. "But I do think that social media has opened up conversations that we just weren't having in the mainstream a decade ago."
"The Me Too Movement has led to real industry changes (including arrests). The movement following Sarah Evarard's murder led to an outpouring from women on social media the likes of which I've never seen. I wrote 20 actions men can take to be better allies to women at this time and it was one of my most-read posts that year. Yes, change is too slow but we have to have hope that it's coming and in the meantime, we keep fighting!"
And they're not the only optimists. More than eight-in-ten Americans who say that the country has not gone far enough to give women equal rights with men say this is very (31%) or somewhat likely (53%) in the future. Let's hope so!
When I ran a preschool and a child would get sick and a parent would need to be called to come pick up their child, I called the dad, whether it was a two-parent household or co-parenting, whatever it was, I'd always call the father, and their first question was ‘Did you call their mom?’ And I would say either ‘no, I have not. I figured I’d call you first. What would you like to do? How soon can you be here?’ Most of them would get upset, or they were just inconvenienced by the fact that they would have to stop working to come get their child. After I would speak to the dad, I would call the moms and let them know ‘Hey, your child is sick. However, I got a hold of their dad and he's coming to get them.’ And the moms were generally in shock and surprised and I always got thanked because I didn’t interrupt their workday.
So close… but why call the mum after? I always get called first for my daughter illness and never once has my husband been called if they managed to get in touch with me. By calling the mum after you’re implying that the dad cannot deal with it and the mum still needs to be aware.
Exactly. The mum does need to be aware that her child is sick. I doubt she wants to hear from the child or partner after. If I am ever a parent, I would want to hear from the school first so i am prepared when the child comes home/I pick the child up.
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This is a little obnoxious. You should just ask which parent should be called in case of emergency, and stick with it. Let the parents sort it out. It's really none of your business who is the point of contact for sick pick-ups.
I thought this too. Our emergency contact paper work has us list them in order. I work from home so I'm first, my mom is second because she's close and retired, my husband is third because he's a 1 hour commute away.
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I find this an issue in the opposite way. I gave my number to our son's school for an emergency contact, as I work from home. However, without fail, the school calls my wife every time. Why? Because she's the Mum.
well that is the point, that is the default that schools do because they are anachronistic dinosaurs from the victorian era.
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There actually is in most good schools. Schools don't give a s**t which parent they call. It is usually the school nurse and the school nurse is just looking for a phone number. They really need to put the needs of the school before the needs of one child.
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This is odd. I don't have kids but I think over were I'm from you would have contacts listed in order of who to call 1st, 2nd etc for each child.
Really? My dad always picked me up because my mums a nurse and my dad works from home so it was always more convenient for us?
This is my case, I work from home.
Load More Replies... At our school district we have to list phone numbers in order we want them to be called for parents. My cell is listed (1), my work is listed (2), my wife's cell is listed (3). Since I am closer to school (5 miles for me, 35+ miles for wife) it's no brainer that I go to pick him up at school.
Just ask what parent you should call and do that instead of bothering both.
don't most schools have like primary and secondary guardian to contact in case of emergencies - like maybe the parent who's closer to school or something?
This is sexist! You are calling him first because of his gender! At the school I attended, there was a list of contacts for each student. They were listed in order of preference.
Meh, this one is a bit obnoxious. If you need 2 contacts, list a "primary" and a "secondary" contact. Some parents are in a situation where it would be easier one to pick up, rather then the other. Lots of ways to fight gender inequality; this aint one of them. Edit: Unless I missed the point, and the idea is to point how stupid it is that one parent is the "default" parent. I agree with that point, but I still think the execution is kinda dumb.
This is stupid. The file should indicate who to call. The person whose day gets interrupted should be the person gets paid less or is more capable to handle the disruption. In our family it’s me, the stay at home dad. This post is just sexist. It does not promote equality or logic. It’s just a “f**k men cause I’m pro moms” post.
The decision to call fathers first as a point of practice is just as god dammed asinine as the school calling my wife at work first because she is the mom. I’m literally listed as the primary contact.
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I would say this is sometimes a bad idea. Hear me out. I have a little brother and my dad works full time but my mom is a stay at home mom. If they called my dad first then it just wouldn’t work out. You have to take into account that not all families are the same.
This should be solved in a case-by-case basis. At my children school, phone numbers are sort in order of availability. Proudly, mine is the first.
Don’t know about this one , comes across looking like a bit*h with no cause . Don’t you think that the parents would have already organized amongst themselves on what to do. Normally it is whoever is closer , I’m 25 minutes away, my husband is a good hour from the schools of our children. Either of us is there in a heartbeat if OUR child is sick . Not a lot of love came out of that daycare 😉
Parents should be able to specify which parent to call first. The dad may have a job with more flexibility so it would make sense for him to be called. So what would you say when you call the dad and he asks why didn't you call the mother (as we specified)? Lie and say you couldn't reach her, but there are no missed calls on her phone? It's your job on the line. Another point - the guy could be a bastard and will take it out on the mother when they get home? But go ahead have your fun, but there could be consequences that you hadn't thought of.
Just call either. If you call me or my husband we will immediately contact each other and decide for ourselves who is in the best position to go. No offense but you don't get to demand the preferred parent by assuming out relationship is Male dominated and you are "saving me"
I have them call me first just because I work 5 minutes from the daycare and my husband is about an hour away. But he has never complained on the occasions he has had to get them. I have a good one. :)
interesting. i got sick in high school once. Just once. Well, the nurse had to call my parents and someone had to get me home. So the nurse probably tried my mom first. But my dad was the one who answered and came and got me and spent the rest of the day with me at home. I was pretty sick. No idea why. (my dad at the time was the salaried one, actually dropped me off at school before 7 every morning - got to work at 8 but he was also a manager or whatever at that point.)
We have made it perfectly clear to the schools that my wife, not me, gets the first call. If she is unable to answer, call me. And, yes, I have gotten the call, and dropped what I was doing, to get my daughter. And I do NOT work in an office. I have to go back to the office, get my personal vehicle, and then get my girl.
Father of 8yo and 4yo, and the school calls me first, since 6 years ago I decided to work from home in order to be available.
Well doesn’t need to be male/female separation here. The parents should give 2 numbers and one should be the priority number. Like if I take 40 min from work, but my wife only 10min, or vice versa. Same if I was houseman and she sole provider. For me it’s ok to separate these tasks by logic.
Yea i dont care for this one. My child's father works way more than me. I work a job that doesnt require long work days so im usually done by 1pm. He's working 12 hour shifts 5 days a week. We'd definitely both be pissed that she didnt try me first. Dont just assume all dads dont care for there kids. Mine works his a$$ off & i really really freaking really appreciate it!
Damn, I would have gotten away with so many beatings if this happened with my parents.
Love this! My husband deals with most school and doctor issues with our child. I was working, he was in between jobs when it started, but it did not change when he went back to work.
A lot of moms are on the brink of being let go for having to leave work early/stay home with the sick kid, again, and these situations are why employers are hesitant in hiring women. Good for this childcare worker evening out the responsibility. But have a priority plan instead of using sick kids as a way to protest your feminist idealism agenda.
Parents usually have a agreement and routine though. I would call whoever is listed as number 1 contact as they were the one that agreed to first point of call. If they didn't answer I would then call number 2. I don't think this proves the point they think it does.
I'm a father and our pre-school always called me first. I didnt think about it as a power move and found it pretty normal to be called when my daughter was sick. Also, wouldn't you expect the parents to call each other when their child is sick and needs to be picked up?
In the school I worked parents had to number in wich order I contact them in case of… ALWAYS mom’s was first number! Always.
My dad worked at home, my mom worked in the city. School always called mom and interrupted her work. My mom would then call my dad and he’d be there picking me up. Personally preferred it if my mom picked me up instead 😅
If you do this, knowing the mother is a stay at home mom (and that should be known, btw), why would you do this? I am not belittling the work a stay at home mom does, but in SAHM situations, but that's under her domain. Interrupting her household activities isn't going to get her fired. The father (typically) is the one earning a living and interrupting them at their job can put them at risk of being fired... putting an entire family at risk. This person's behavior was just arrogant, sexist assh*lery.
...so you just always chose to inconvenience the man? Isn't that just sexist still?
not when in almost every other case people call the mother, they deserve a break.
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I guarantee that's someone who is not a parent. You call the mom 1st. Why? Because when a kid is not feeling well, like sick wise, they cling to mama and that maternal instinct. They want mama, they need that "nurturing." And mamas tend to want to do that nurturing. Now with scrapes and boo boos, they tend to want daddy. At least that's the way it was with my kiddos, the oldest being 26.
Yeah I'm calling b******t on this one. Dads that I know would not get upset with type of phone call.
so would mothers, and the only reason they would be really upset is because many of them aren't used to having to deal with stuff like this.
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If it's not on the form or in their computer system, it is likely not OP"s job to change. I understand what you're saying, but not having specific instructions as standard is not her fault.
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Knowing my child is sick and knowing my partner is taking care of it gives me one more course of action. Many women feel obligated to tend to their sick children. Because they haven’t any experience with men doing it right. So, teach the men how to and let them do it. They’re just as capable as caregivers.
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When I’m cat-called, and I feel safe to do so, I will respond in one of two ways. I’ll either look at my phone and tell them what time it is to make them think I thought they asked me what time it was, or I say ‘sorry, I don’t have any change’ to make them think that I thought that they were asking me for money.
This is my favorite thing to do. Whenever someone references a man who was a genius or a top of his field, I’m like ‘OK, I got it. So he’s like the Serena Williams of like bankers or financers’ or whatever the field is. And it’s even better if he’s an athlete.
I used to work in the call center for an airline and when people would call in to do a seat assignment for their families like mom, dad and two kids, I would always put the dad with the two kids because of course, it’s only three seats. And then I would put the mom across the aisle so she could sit by herself and dad would have to look after the kids during the flight.
I do this constantly. I’ve been doing it for years. It actually bothers my boyfriend whenever we go out because he doesn’t understand why I do it until I explain it to him. I never move out of the way. I will let a man walk into me before I move because they are so used to just not interrupting their time and just to proceed forward and keep moving until they’re in my line. And I just keep walking. I’ve been shoulder checked. I’ve been everything, but I’m like 'If you’re not moving, I’m not moving'. Haven’t moved for a man in years.
I learned this from my older brother, who is a very intimidating attorney and has been my hero for most of my life. We’re taught, especially as women, that when we’re listening to somebody, we do active listening, right? You’re nodding, you’re raising your eyebrows, you’re tilting your head, you’re showing them ‘I’m warm, I’m open, I’m receiving you’. The best medicine for when somebody is talking at you or talking down to you is - stop it. The only thing you have to do to show somebody that you’re listening to them is to just stare them. Dead in the face. They don’t like it, especially with stillness. Don’t like it.
So I’ve stated on my TikTok before that I’m an axe throwing instructor and I’ve been doing it for a couple of years, right? My favorite type of men that come to the venue are the ones who bring their dates or their girlfriends to show off that they are so good at doing a manly activity because axe throwing is such a manly activity and that, you know, they have the expectation by default because they’re a man, they’re going to be so good at this, right? But come inside range, who is the one that is getting bull’s eyes? Who is the one that is consistently getting it on the board? Who is the one that listened to every single one of my instructions? That’s right. The Valkyrie, the woman. I love her. Proud of her. Then you got buddy boy on this side who cannot get it on the board for the life of him because he hasn’t listened to any of my instructions because he didn’t acknowledge my presence as an axe throwing instructor. And he’s getting so upset that he is not getting it on the board and that's adding onto the fact that she is getting it on the board more than he is. And I see how fragile the ego is. So what do I do? I make it worse. I make it worse. I no longer acknowledge baby boy over here. I go to the star of the show, the Valkyrie, and I’m giving her all the praises that she deserves, in which I’m like ‘Yes, you are so good at this for your first time. Are you sure this is your first time? I’m so impressed’ and which is all true. And then I’d be like ‘You know, you should totally join our league. I think you’d thrive in it’, which is also true. And I love it. I love it. I loved rubbing it in his face.
I used to play a lot of darts in a pub. O a slow weekday the waitress joined us. She was amazing, she could beet all of us. So we got her to play on our team!! She was a little short Romanian girl in her 20's but looks 16. You should have seen the guys when she stated throwing!! we won a couple of local tournaments. Having better people in your team makes the whole team improve.
I have repeatedly been asked to take notes during meetings and then distribute them afterwards. It’s not my job. So I started just not taking anything into the meeting, no paper, no pen, no computer, my cell phone, but I would normally keep it in my lap so that people didn’t know I had my cell phone with me. And then if I needed to remember something or if there was like an important date, I could use my phone to mark it. But I didn’t let people see me taking notes on it. And what I realized is that men don’t ask other men to take notes. It was only when I had paper in front of me that somebody would be asked to take notes. Otherwise they seem totally capable of remembering what happens in the meeting.
I never noticed this before but you are right, I have never seen a man take notes, but plenty of women volunteer to do so or are 'voluntold' to be the note-taker.
Every time I create a signing session for any of my married couples buying or selling their house, I always make the wife the first signer.
I don’t believe in cohabitation with men. I have a wonderful long-term partner who is arguably a better person than I am. And we don’t live together and we’ll never live together. And I try to talk about this whenever it comes up because I want women to know that there’s other alternatives. You don’t have to live with men. You don’t. You can have wonderful long-term relationships. There are other options. At this stage in the game I just feel like we all still have too much patriarchal conditioning to have balanced domestic situations. I think it’s still almost pretty much most of the time short end of the stick for women to live with men.
Might work if your child free otherwise it's just more complicated, especially for young children.
As a feminine-presenting person who does not shave their body hair, I get my fair share of unsolicited comments from men about my body. The best response I’ve discovered to them is to just look at them dead in the face and say ‘Did you mean to say that out loud?’ Most of the time they’ll just squirm and not have anything to offer up, but on the rare occasions they do follow up with something stupid, I just let them know how stupid they are by saying ‘Ok, big guy’.
I don't shave my legs because it's annoying to do and it freakin' ITCHES! If you don't like it, don't look and keep yourself to yourself please and thank you.
This isn’t subtle, but I do it regularly. About 10 years ago, I was twenty-two years old and a freshly graduated college student in my very first office job, and my supervisor’s name was Rob. At the time, I was still identifying as a woman. Today I’m trans non-binary, and I know that back then when I was dressing really feminine, like aggressively feminine, it was because I was in denial and I was trying to assert my femininity when I knew deep down, it didn’t fit me. I’ve always been tall, like in the 5'9 range and height is not considered a very feminine trait. And so I was very insecure about my height. And that made it kind of difficult when Rob, very early on in my tenure at this place, came up to me and said ‘Hey, you need to start wearing heels to work’. I was wearing flats because guess what? I walk like a baby giraffe in heels. But I did, as he said, and I got a pair of heels. And at our next meeting, I walked in, toddled in wearing them, and Rob looked me up and Rob looked me down and Rob realized with horror, oh no, the office girl is his height. Almost exactly. Suddenly, I went from being the cute little feminine office girl to, I guess, a physical threat because I was his height. This was a miscalculation on Rob’s part, obviously, but it could not go unchallenged because then, from then on, every time I entered the room, he made sure I was sitting down and he was standing up. If he entered the room when I was standing, he would somehow get me to sit down, offer me a chair, whatever. If I came into his office to talk, he would make me sit down and then he would stand up and sit on the edge of his desk. So he was kind of looming over me. And it was really clear that he was intimidated by my physical presence and did not like the fact that I was that tall. But also he wants to look at the cute office girl in heels. And I thought this was f**king ridiculous. I’m uncomfortable in these shoes. You’re uncomfortable with me in these shoes. And yet here you are, making sure you’re always the dominant physical presence, this is exhausting. What’s wrong with you? I’m proud of twenty-two-year-old me for being able to recognize that something about the situation was wrong, because what twenty-two-year-old me did, I’m still proud of to this day. I marched myself down to the shoe store and I bought the tallest heels I could find that were still workplace appropriate. I mean, I’m talking like a pair of designer heels with a big old platform under the toe and a very tall stiletto heels. Totally workplace appropriate. But Jesus Christ, I was like six three. Rob did not like the fact that I was now even taller than him. Not one bit. So one day I’m at my desk adjusting my shoe and he sidles up, sees me doing it, and that’s his moment, he says ’You know you don’t have to wear those shoes anymore if you don’t want to. You can go back to flats. It’s fine. Just a suggestion, only if you want to. Did I go back to flats, though? Not on your life. The heels stayed, and now I’m actually pretty good at walking in them, thanks to Rob, despite coming out as non-binary, now I know most of the world looks at me and immediately thinks ‘Woman’. And you know what? That’s honestly on them. But what I carry with me from that experience to this day is when I know I’m going to walk into a room and be underestimated, I rock those heels. Suck it, Rob.
So I got three. So if a man ever interrupts me, I let him finish. Go for it. I don’t want to interrupt you because it’s not polite. And as soon as he finishes, I go ‘So as I was saying’ and just continue because my point was still valid, and I’ll also do this like if another woman is interrupted, I’ll be like ‘So as you were saying’. The next one is - I will not step out of the way of someone. You don’t own this world any more than I do. I’m going to keep walking with shoulders high, eyes forward. If you shoulder check me, that’s on you. I also will not apologize. This last one, this is where the subtlety kind of goes out the window. I handle all of the home projects for our house. My husband is just there to lift heavy stuff and look cute. But there have been a lot of times where we’ve been working with someone, and I will be asking the questions and they will be looking at my husband as if he’s talking. So I’ll just step in front of my husband until I have eye contact and then I’ll keep speaking.
How do you know my man and me? ☺️ He looks like a rock (Tom Hardy as Mad Max but a bit bulkier), speaks as much as Mad Max, looking cute as hell. He chops the wood, repairs everything electric, buys and carries all the groceries/shopping and brings the child from school and being a fantastic dad to all of his children. (He is very soft/pacifistic/non-violent summer flower, while I'm the combative Krav Maga girl). and I do like all the rest, manage all the appointments and dates, paint the flat... "His bouquet of flowers is the daily chopped wood basket."
When a man is not nice to a non-man in my gym, I will follow him around and do his entire workout. But I’ll add 20 to 100 pounds to whatever it is that he’s doing. I’ll also make sure that he knows that he can just leave the bar loaded because I’m probably just going to warm up with that weight, even if I didn’t intend to do the workout on that day. I follow him around and I embarrass him. If he’s rude to one of my homies. Pushes me a little harder than I’m used to. And also just, you know, makes me feel better about myself. So party on.
See now how in a lot of structures in our society, male is the default setting for a lot of people, like when you say ‘Oh, that doctor, that lawyer, that whatever,’ people just kind of assume that they’re male. When I started realizing this, I was like, ‘That’s stupid, it shouldn’t be the default setting’. Clearly, all of these professions are filled with women, so any time I refer to someone in a place of power or a position of a career, I automatically gender it female. ‘Oh, have I told you about how great my orthodontist is now?’, ’How is she? Do you like her?’
I'm ashamed to admit that, if someone is speaking about a professional person, I assume the person is male. In fact, my wife does the same. I think it's been ingrained into us.
The first one is that whenever I’m addressing an envelope to a couple, I always put the woman’s name before the man’s name. The second one is that as an elementary school music teacher, sometimes in the classroom, I’ll need chairs or tables moved. And so I always ask, I need strong students to move this for me, and I always pick 50 percent or more girls, because girls are strong.
That last one is so important. Just a couple years I heard "I need some strong men to carry those tables" from a second grade teacher. Way to reinforce stupid stereotypes.
Whenever I’m talking to a man and he says something about me that he like, doesn’t like, like something I’m wearing or like something that I do, or it’s something that somebody else does, specifically another woman, if he’s like ‘Oh, I don’t like when girls wear heels’ or ‘I don’t like girls that lift weights’, you know, something like that, I always just look at him and go ‘Oh, that’s OK’. And I always get the weirdest little looks because it’s subtle enough that he doesn’t want to get into an argument about it or defend himself about it. But it’s powerful enough that it makes them think about what he just said. You know what I mean? We’re not doing it for you, but it’s OK.
My first tendency whenever someone says "I don't like girls who do this or that or wear so and so" is to IMMEDIATELY go and do exactly what they just said they didn't like. It goes both ways, I also hate it when people/women say "I don't like it when men~"
When somebody tells me a story involving another person, as long as it is in a positive light, I assume ‘she’ is her pronouns. If a friend of mine says ‘I went to the doctor and got some really good news’ I’ll respond with ’Oh, what did she say? Or if somebody says ‘My kid’s principal did this really cool thing at the school the other day’ ‘Oh, that’s awesome. Good for her.’ Always assume ‘she/her’ pronouns, no matter what. As long as it’s positive.
Well, I work in the business world, corporate America specifically, and I have a pretty intense job that I work with a lot of men with. And growing up, my dad always told me, because he worked in corporate America, to have a super firm handshake. I noticed when I was in corporate America that men would always try to shake my hand just a little bit harder than I was. Shaking theirs to kind of assert a little bit of physical dominance over me. So now, whenever I shake a guy’s hand that I’m meeting in a business meeting, a new CEO, whatever it may be, I shake their hand for about two milliseconds, gauge how hard they’re shaking my hand and then I administer just a little bit more pressure than they have asserted upon me. And every single time.
I prefer a fist bump, both for personal hygiene and because I have neuropathic pain in my hands. But I understand why you do this. I have had people (mostly men) shake my hand not firmly but hard, and it hurts.
Whenever I feel like I’m dealing with a man who thinks he’s way cooler than me or smarter than me or whatever, he’s super arrogant, I have two tactics. The first tactic is when they are telling me THE fact, I feel like you know what I mean, every arrogant guy has THE fact. He busts out whether it’s about music or a movie or something that he thinks makes them sound really intelligent and cultured. Whenever they tell me this fact, I just respond with ‘Are you sure about that?’ And when they’re like ’Yeah, I’m sure, like, what do you mean am I sure, why?’ I just say ‘No reason, continue. It’s fine’. The second one is whenever they’re telling me about an idea they have that I can tell makes them feel way smarter than everybody else, I just go ’Do you tell people this? Like… Often?’
As a woman bartender, I do have a few of these stored up my sleeve. And one of my favorites is when a man is ordering his beer in like an aggressively manly way, right? Because there’s a difference between 'Hi, can I get a Bud Light?’ And 'yeah, give me a beer and a glass. Whatever. A Bud Light, I don’t put it in a glass. I’ll drink it.’ Oh man, Blah blah. Right? So when that type of guy orders his drink and he’s just really proving he’s a man I love responding with 'oh yeah, cute drink' or 'oh yeah, you’re fancy. Let me grab that for you' or 'oh love, here you go' Or if it’s Bud Light specifically 'oh yes, a rice beer, you got it' It leaves him feeling rattled. I’ll tell you that.
Why do men think that beer is a manly drink and wine is "girly"? Are they not aware that wine is two-three times stronger in alcohol?
So let me preface this with my husband who loves me very much, and he’s very proud of the things I’ve accomplished. But because I have a doctorate, the formal way to address anything to us is this. So this is the formal and correct way to address us as Dr. and Mr. And you can see it there on that one too. So anyways, I saved these because I just love it and I’m proud of myself for it. But some of his friends have caught on to it too. And we’ll just get like random Christmas cards or whatever addressed like that too. So it’s all in good fun. He loves it, deep down.
I still get letters addressed to Mr & Mrs and I hate it. I refuse to open them. I did not lose my entire name or identity when I got married and if they do not have the courtesy to address a letter to me by name, then they do not deserve my attention.
I don’t know if this is a feminist power move or not, but it certainly is a great tip. If you are a woman with a lot of male-dominated hobbies or you find yourself having a lot in common with men, you can accidentally interact with really toxic men. But I do have a foolproof method of getting those men to show themselves early on when you’re getting to know him. If he points out that you guys have a lot in common say ‘Yeah, we do. What’s your star sign?’ He’ll react one of three ways, he’ll either say ‘Actually, I don’t really know’ and just tell you his birthday. Green flag. If he just answers the question - green flag. If he goes on a rant telling you how stupid that star thing is and he can’t believe someone like you like something like that - boo. Red Flag. A man worth your time will at least have the decency to be respectful to you, even if you don’t have exactly the same hobbies. You don’t even have to like astrology for this to work. It could be any girly thing.
Tbf if someone asked me what my star sign was, I wouldn't tell them. Not to be disrespectful but I wouldn't want them thinking I believed that crap and neither would I want to give them the green light to start telling me what they believe my personality is based on a friggin' star sign.
When I ask a man a question, as soon as he answers me, I say ‘Are you sure?’ And then I google it right in front of them. I address all correspondence to married people as Mrs. and Mr. Cameron Clyne. If a man tells me he’s interested in a topic, I say something really obvious about that topic and then pretend I’m teaching him some kind of state secret. I always frame acknowledgement of a man’s accomplishments through the lens of being surprised he was competent enough to do it. I encroach on men’s personal space in public and pretend I’m oblivious to the situation. If I see a man doing something, I approach him and ask ‘Are you sure you know what you’re doing?’ If a man asks me to do something for him, I ask him to start the task for me, and then I ask him for really obvious help at every stage of the task. And when the task is finished, I act like I’ve done the entire thing myself and I expect praise. When a man tries to interrupt me while I’m busy and make me listen to him, I finish what I’m doing. When I stop, I make eye contact with him and confidently say ‘I was busy, so I wasn’t listening to you’. You’re going to need to repeat yourself. I don’t say ‘thank you’ to compliments from men. I just agree with them. I use the word ‘no’ as a full sentence. And then when a man asks me to justify why I said no, I say that sentence again. When I greet a couple, I make eye contact with and greet the woman first and begin speaking to her. And I will not address the man or make eye contact with him or even acknowledge him unless he’s introduced to me. I won’t offer men help unless they ask and then I act like I don’t want to do it and I get up and help, but I complain the whole time and make the entire task really unpleasant for everybody. When a couple has a baby, I assume the father is going to quit his job to stay home and raise it. I introduce men as so-and-so’s boyfriend, so and so’s son always in relation to the woman that I know closest to them. Never addressed, here’s John. I’m sorry, sir, did the middle of my sentence barge in on the beginning of yours again? In any situation where you would typically say ’Ladies and gentlemen, I just say ‘ladies’, I only give men thoughtless generic gifts, and if they don’t like it, I act like they’re ungrateful. I like to invalidate a man’s feelings by pretending I’m too incompetent to understand them. When men get upset, I tell them that they’re not capable of rational or logical thought while they’re so emotional and to talk to me again when they’re calm and in control of themselves. I tell men that their college degrees don’t actually make them an expert in their field.
I don't get this one, why act like a toxic man? Not everyone is comfortable in social situations and they may forget to introduce people to others, or feel awkward. I'm sure I'm in a minority if I say I've had lessons on how to make introductions!
After 30+ years working in corporate culture rooted in masculine gendering, my tip for women is be aware of feminine-gendered behaviours and stop doing them at work. Pauses are power: don't rush to fill a silence. Let people feel bad if they need to. Smile only when it's natural, not to placate or flatter. Wear shoes you feel comfortable in; uncomfortable shoes drain energy you could use for work. If someone makes a sexist comment, pause, look at them directly and say 'that's not OK'. Say no if you mean no. If you need help or to leave for family commitments, be direct about it - don't apologise or make up an excuse. In other words, manage your own boundaries and be authentic. None of that stops you from being courteous. My tip for men is to treat everyone as people first.
Don't apologize in general. I apologize for everything all the time. My partner even keeps saying I should stop apologizing, but I can't! Sorry!
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Apparently some of these women read the wrong feminist manual. I think they read "How to be a Toxic B*tch" instead of "How to Assert Yourself and Still Have the Moral High Ground"
Well, the last one is definitely sarcasm.
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I have some male students (mostly from strong patriarch cultures) that find it funny to ashame fellow female students by speaking about sexual themes that belittle women (pornos etc.) Whenever this happens I start speaking about menstrual related themes, shuts them of immediatly.
Many of these are not specific to women. The arrogant jerks doing these things could care less if it's a woman or another man. These women just think it's because they are a woman, when in reality, the person is just a narcissistic a*****e who does it to everyone. You don't think I haven't had other people, men and women alike who haven't tried talking condescending to me? You don't think I haven't had men and women alike interrupt me while I'm talking? Them people are just assholes, period, gender has nothing to do with it.
I think you are wrong there. Arrogant jerks have their preferred victims, like all bullies. People they view as weaker than them or who they assume won't fight back. There is a reason abusive men target women as victims more often than other men.
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I expected my eyeballs to roll to the back of my head, but actually, I would whole-heartedly endorse most of them, (at least the top ones I've read). (Not that you need my endorsement for validation ;-) )
Let me just say, men of quality don't fear equality. I never cease to be horrified by my fellow humans. Other men in particular seem to have a high percentage of jerks.
I don't even bother with any post longer than a few sentences. I'm not interested in your life story.
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I'm all for feminism, and I'm all about taking down toxic masculinity, but listicles like this really grind my gears. Treating someone badly or making assumptions about them just because of their gender isn't ok. That's not what feminism is about, and I honestly didn't think that was what Boredpanda was about, either.
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I work in a male-dominated company and am often the only woman at the table. I have a name that can be used for a male or female and when newcomers show up at meetings, they will often shake the hand of my assistant Don and say, "Oh you must be [name]" and some other niceness, and when Don says, "No, she is," and points to me, their faces fall because they realize the mistake they just made. Then they try to act like it never happened or wasn't a big deal. I just smile and say, "well, I hope you like working with me, too because I am heading up this project."
Um.... feminism is defined as "women do what they wish, without men ordering it". So, if you're a jerk, that's on you. Not your biological sex or identified gender. That said, how about we address the issues that are unique to women for a change? (e.g., primary child-rearers, paid less compared to male counterparts, etc.)
I like some of these posts. I even want to try out some of them. (Like the ones concerning "mansplaining") But other ones make me angry... You are not a feminist if you determine what another woman should do. You are just entitled. (Like mothers want to be the one taking care of their children in certain situations)
When i would get upset, or rattled about anything, my ex boyfriend would tell me, "just like a woman". Then he would try to say that was a compliment but he did not mean it that way. One night he was going on and on about the non working ceiling fan but we couldn't do anything about it until the next day. I told him to quit bitching. He threateningly said, "What did you say!" I repeated myself. Then he went on talking about the ceiling fan! I said, "just like a woman." Yes, I felt his wrath but it was so worth it.
It doesn't sound like he respects you or treats you right :(
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I mean, can't we just move past all these f*****g mind games and trying to outdo each other and just be decent human beings? Is treating men like s**t going to persuade sexist idiots to support feminism? Nope. Is it going to continue the stereotype that feminists hate men and think they're superior? Most likely. You can call people out on their crap without lowering yourself to just treating people like they're beneath you - especially when it's someone you don't even know. If my boss told me to wear heels then freaked I was taller I'd find it hilarious and joke with them about it, like, what did they think would happen? That I'd get shorter? I definitely support women refusing to accept toxic behaviour from men, and people in general, I don't support using toxic behaviour back as some kind of revenge, one up on them. Maybe it's cultural, but I've never had any issue calling out sexist behaviour and don't feel the need to belittle anyone in the name of feminism
Interrupting in meetings: as a meeting manager, you can fail in two directions: “everybody talks forever but nothing gets done” vs “I got cut off and cut down.” You will have to curtail the pleonasts, but it’s your job do it in a way that they still feel they made a full contribution.
So, on other words, just be rude and abnoixious as possible? Nice
I do hope that the ones about calling the dad first about the child are a joke. It should be whoever is first on the call list. I work at a very lenient job; if there is an issue with my daughter, I will be able to leave and tend to her. My husband would have a much harder time getting out of work. It would be possible for him to leave, but not worth the hassle when I can take care of the situation without the hassle. And what if the mom is a SAHM? Now you've called the father off work for no reason.
I think there is a fine line between standing up for yourself and becoming as toxic as the person who offended you. I was raised by a woman who told me that girls were absolutely as good as boys, and maybe even better, and this was back in the days when women were expected to marry and be homemakers, period. My experience has been that being strident usually doesn't get the results I was hoping for. It's my opinion that treating everyone with respect and kindness, regardless of gender is the outcome we're all hoping for, right? I will call someone out when they are being disrespectful of me, but I don't feel the need to pound them for it. The sexist crap when I was just beginning my working life in the 70s was so outrageous. We fought long and hard to get where we are, now, and we're still not there yet. I've been trying to concentrate on real inequities, and not sweat the small stuff so much. Change the big things, and the little things will follow.
These are examples of women doing the things their male counterparts do. So many angry people.
While I understand the concept of "hit them where it hurts," a lot of these tactics are just reinforcing gender stereotypes and strengthening the binary.
Alright, stop acting like a jerk and tell your fellow men to do the same, and this list won't be necessary
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Interestingly enough, if you believe women deserve equal respect & opportunity you actually already are a feminist. It's that simple.
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Hey Clark, you should be aware that "Feminism" is such a broad discourse with such a complex history that you can find feminists who would fight for the right to go to war and shoot someones brain out - as well as feminists who argue that violence is dictated by patriarchy and women are the saints on earth. You think "feminists" are ONE happily united group of women drinking tea? The only thing safe to say is that there are intellectual women with different stands on the subject, and women parroting all kinds of slogans.
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With due respect sir, I take issue with what you wrote. Yes, commenters have made jokes, but in my case, it's not because "no man will just clock you anymore". (Yes, he will. You just won't see it happen.) I feel safe on Bored Panda, I'm fairly certain that my abuser won't see my comments. Reading these posts make me feel a little bit stronger. Thank you for taking the time to read my point of view. I wish my world was as safe as your perception of it. You sir, have a privilege that I do not. -Linda Lee
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Thread about women having had enough of fragile men's BS. There, try again, bozo
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After 30+ years working in corporate culture rooted in masculine gendering, my tip for women is be aware of feminine-gendered behaviours and stop doing them at work. Pauses are power: don't rush to fill a silence. Let people feel bad if they need to. Smile only when it's natural, not to placate or flatter. Wear shoes you feel comfortable in; uncomfortable shoes drain energy you could use for work. If someone makes a sexist comment, pause, look at them directly and say 'that's not OK'. Say no if you mean no. If you need help or to leave for family commitments, be direct about it - don't apologise or make up an excuse. In other words, manage your own boundaries and be authentic. None of that stops you from being courteous. My tip for men is to treat everyone as people first.
Don't apologize in general. I apologize for everything all the time. My partner even keeps saying I should stop apologizing, but I can't! Sorry!
Load More Replies... Apparently some of these women read the wrong feminist manual. I think they read "How to be a Toxic B*tch" instead of "How to Assert Yourself and Still Have the Moral High Ground"
Well, the last one is definitely sarcasm.
Load More Replies... I have some male students (mostly from strong patriarch cultures) that find it funny to ashame fellow female students by speaking about sexual themes that belittle women (pornos etc.) Whenever this happens I start speaking about menstrual related themes, shuts them of immediatly.
Many of these are not specific to women. The arrogant jerks doing these things could care less if it's a woman or another man. These women just think it's because they are a woman, when in reality, the person is just a narcissistic a*****e who does it to everyone. You don't think I haven't had other people, men and women alike who haven't tried talking condescending to me? You don't think I haven't had men and women alike interrupt me while I'm talking? Them people are just assholes, period, gender has nothing to do with it.
I think you are wrong there. Arrogant jerks have their preferred victims, like all bullies. People they view as weaker than them or who they assume won't fight back. There is a reason abusive men target women as victims more often than other men.
Load More Replies... I expected my eyeballs to roll to the back of my head, but actually, I would whole-heartedly endorse most of them, (at least the top ones I've read). (Not that you need my endorsement for validation ;-) )
Let me just say, men of quality don't fear equality. I never cease to be horrified by my fellow humans. Other men in particular seem to have a high percentage of jerks.
I don't even bother with any post longer than a few sentences. I'm not interested in your life story.
Load More Replies... I'm all for feminism, and I'm all about taking down toxic masculinity, but listicles like this really grind my gears. Treating someone badly or making assumptions about them just because of their gender isn't ok. That's not what feminism is about, and I honestly didn't think that was what Boredpanda was about, either.
Load More Replies... I work in a male-dominated company and am often the only woman at the table. I have a name that can be used for a male or female and when newcomers show up at meetings, they will often shake the hand of my assistant Don and say, "Oh you must be [name]" and some other niceness, and when Don says, "No, she is," and points to me, their faces fall because they realize the mistake they just made. Then they try to act like it never happened or wasn't a big deal. I just smile and say, "well, I hope you like working with me, too because I am heading up this project."
Um.... feminism is defined as "women do what they wish, without men ordering it". So, if you're a jerk, that's on you. Not your biological sex or identified gender. That said, how about we address the issues that are unique to women for a change? (e.g., primary child-rearers, paid less compared to male counterparts, etc.)
I like some of these posts. I even want to try out some of them. (Like the ones concerning "mansplaining") But other ones make me angry... You are not a feminist if you determine what another woman should do. You are just entitled. (Like mothers want to be the one taking care of their children in certain situations)
When i would get upset, or rattled about anything, my ex boyfriend would tell me, "just like a woman". Then he would try to say that was a compliment but he did not mean it that way. One night he was going on and on about the non working ceiling fan but we couldn't do anything about it until the next day. I told him to quit bitching. He threateningly said, "What did you say!" I repeated myself. Then he went on talking about the ceiling fan! I said, "just like a woman." Yes, I felt his wrath but it was so worth it.
It doesn't sound like he respects you or treats you right :(
Load More Replies... I mean, can't we just move past all these f*****g mind games and trying to outdo each other and just be decent human beings? Is treating men like s**t going to persuade sexist idiots to support feminism? Nope. Is it going to continue the stereotype that feminists hate men and think they're superior? Most likely. You can call people out on their crap without lowering yourself to just treating people like they're beneath you - especially when it's someone you don't even know. If my boss told me to wear heels then freaked I was taller I'd find it hilarious and joke with them about it, like, what did they think would happen? That I'd get shorter? I definitely support women refusing to accept toxic behaviour from men, and people in general, I don't support using toxic behaviour back as some kind of revenge, one up on them. Maybe it's cultural, but I've never had any issue calling out sexist behaviour and don't feel the need to belittle anyone in the name of feminism
Interrupting in meetings: as a meeting manager, you can fail in two directions: “everybody talks forever but nothing gets done” vs “I got cut off and cut down.” You will have to curtail the pleonasts, but it’s your job do it in a way that they still feel they made a full contribution.
So, on other words, just be rude and abnoixious as possible? Nice
I do hope that the ones about calling the dad first about the child are a joke. It should be whoever is first on the call list. I work at a very lenient job; if there is an issue with my daughter, I will be able to leave and tend to her. My husband would have a much harder time getting out of work. It would be possible for him to leave, but not worth the hassle when I can take care of the situation without the hassle. And what if the mom is a SAHM? Now you've called the father off work for no reason.
I think there is a fine line between standing up for yourself and becoming as toxic as the person who offended you. I was raised by a woman who told me that girls were absolutely as good as boys, and maybe even better, and this was back in the days when women were expected to marry and be homemakers, period. My experience has been that being strident usually doesn't get the results I was hoping for. It's my opinion that treating everyone with respect and kindness, regardless of gender is the outcome we're all hoping for, right? I will call someone out when they are being disrespectful of me, but I don't feel the need to pound them for it. The sexist crap when I was just beginning my working life in the 70s was so outrageous. We fought long and hard to get where we are, now, and we're still not there yet. I've been trying to concentrate on real inequities, and not sweat the small stuff so much. Change the big things, and the little things will follow.
These are examples of women doing the things their male counterparts do. So many angry people.
While I understand the concept of "hit them where it hurts," a lot of these tactics are just reinforcing gender stereotypes and strengthening the binary.
Alright, stop acting like a jerk and tell your fellow men to do the same, and this list won't be necessary
Load More Replies... Interestingly enough, if you believe women deserve equal respect & opportunity you actually already are a feminist. It's that simple.
Load More Replies... Hey Clark, you should be aware that "Feminism" is such a broad discourse with such a complex history that you can find feminists who would fight for the right to go to war and shoot someones brain out - as well as feminists who argue that violence is dictated by patriarchy and women are the saints on earth. You think "feminists" are ONE happily united group of women drinking tea? The only thing safe to say is that there are intellectual women with different stands on the subject, and women parroting all kinds of slogans.
Load More Replies... With due respect sir, I take issue with what you wrote. Yes, commenters have made jokes, but in my case, it's not because "no man will just clock you anymore". (Yes, he will. You just won't see it happen.) I feel safe on Bored Panda, I'm fairly certain that my abuser won't see my comments. Reading these posts make me feel a little bit stronger. Thank you for taking the time to read my point of view. I wish my world was as safe as your perception of it. You sir, have a privilege that I do not. -Linda Lee
Load More Replies... Thread about women having had enough of fragile men's BS. There, try again, bozo
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