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There is hardly anything better than waking up at the crack of dawn and making some English breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, fried tomatoes and mushrooms, a bit of toast with marmalade, and a large mug of Earl Grey tea. And what better way to enjoy this feast than by eating it whilst you read the morning newspapers?

Unfortunately, some newspaper headlines can make us do a spit-take and drench the entire page in delicious tea (splash of milk, no sugar). You know the type of headlines that I mean: unintentionally amusing, very silly, and quite obvious how stupid they are if the overworked editors would look at them with a pair of fresh eyes.

Our team at Bored Panda has run, flown, and swum all over the planet looking for hilarious and idiotic newspaper articles, all for your amusement. So put your reading glasses on, scroll down, and upvote the headlines you enjoyed. We’d love to hear about any peculiar and giggle-worthy headlines that you’ve come across; even better if you’ve come up with them yourselves!

I adore newspapers, just like I love books, writing things in notebooks, watering my ficus tree, and sketching on real paper. They’re real things that don’t disappear once the power goes out, the internet goes down, or the moment a zombie outbreak starts (Max Brooks’ ‘The Zombie Survival Guide’ will be worth its weight in gold then and I keep it by my bed at all times). However, times are changing. More and more news and entertainment can be found in the digital world. Which means that the print media industry is slowly declining.

For example, in 2018, weekday print newspaper circulation in the United States decreased by 12 percent, while Sunday circulation fell by 13 percent, according to the Pew Research Center.

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What this means is that on Sundays, when most Americans have more free time, they’d rather do something else than buy a newspaper; like browse the internet.

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Alex Bailey
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It also says Exclusive to all newspapers and asks for contact from people who have seen her in Morocco. What trash-rag is this?

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ET ET
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I actually think this one is clever. Likely someone faked his own death and ran away from some commitment like jailtime or child support. I would read the article with a title like that.

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29Pandas
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's probably exactly what they meant. I'm from South Africa where this newspaper is printed and this is quite tame and believable compared to some of the other headlines they use! :)

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Martata
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes I feel dead but I have no energy to "run" anywhere

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Ari
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah... He realised he committed a crime and ran away. Logical, right?

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AspieGirl88
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pretty sure I’ve seen that happen in an episode of “The X-Files”! 😂

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JEROME POPE
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No no.. you guys are such dumbfucks, go die in a hole and burn.. and go to SCHOOL while you're at it HE KILLED SOMEONE NAMED "Himself" U IDIOTS!!

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Kathi Keegan Chang
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just. Too. Funny.....Me? I would find a shady tree, with lovely soil, and take a LONG nap!!

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Peter Spencer
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They may have got the wording of that headline a little mixed up time wise

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-Møøn-
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

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Ryo Bakura
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe this was the original ending to Living With Yourself. #SpoilerAlert

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Bettye McKee
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He must have identified as a cat that day. They have nine lives, you know.

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Laur 24
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Which came first? i mean it is almost halloween soooooo

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R L
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This particular SA newspaper (rag) caters specifically for the dumbest of the dumb, for those who are incapable of thinking for themselves and thrive on trashy news. Their headline always ends with a !

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And the situation is only getting worse for newspaper journalists and other staff members. Based on the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ Occupational Employment Statistics, in 2018, 37,900 people worked in the newspaper industry as reporters, editors, photographers, film or video editors. That is 14 percent fewer employees than in 2015, and a whopping 47 percent less than in 2004.

Do you think that newspapers have a future, dear Readers? Would you like to see a Bored Panda newspaper? Share your thoughts with us in the comments!

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Alex Bailey
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Holding text that someone forgot to change. Often says Lorem Ipsum dolor...

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Aaron W
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gotta pass the time while waiting for the other golfers to play their shots...

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Dilly Millandry
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Probably laughing at how they look - some people pull some great faces when they're singing. Just look at people in cars at traffic lights singing away... look mad.

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Chris Watson
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one's actually not too bad, when you think of all the perils caused by earthquakes. The ground splitting open, fires from broken gas mains, tsunamis.....

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IzzieM
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This headline leaves nothing to the imagination. No one will read the article if you give everything away in the headline.

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Colm Corcoran
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Now what essential information you are missing here is that the Metro Herald is an Irish newspaper, very few of us know what the sun looks like!!!

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Alex Bailey
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, reading the text it sounds like they were all wasting time.

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Note: this post originally had 102 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.

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